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If I Disappear
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If I Disappear

3.15  ·  Rating details ·  6,980 ratings  ·  1,272 reviews
When her favorite true crime podcast host goes missing, an adrift young woman plunges headfirst into the wild backcountry of Northern California and her own dangerous obsession.

Sera loves true crime podcasts. They make her feel empowered in a world where women just like her disappear daily. She's sure they are preparing her for something. So when Rachel, her favorite podca
Hardcover, 296 pages
Published January 26th 2021 by Berkley
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Audrey Short list: there's animal death and violence, human death and violence, paranoia/gaslighting, sex, and one or more psychopaths.…moreShort list: there's animal death and violence, human death and violence, paranoia/gaslighting, sex, and one or more psychopaths.(less)

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Average rating 3.15  · 
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 ·  6,980 ratings  ·  1,272 reviews

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With a story as oddly compelling as its cover, If I Disappear, may work well for Readers who prefer a more quirky, unconventional narrative.

After her divorce, Sera Fleece is a boat adrift. She spends all her time listening to her favorite True Crime podcast, Murder, She Spoke. You could say she's obsessed.

When the podcast's host, Rachel Bard, suddenly stops posting, Sera feels compelled to figure out why.

In fact, she suspects foul play is behind Rachel's sudden disappearance from the air waves.
Lindsay - Traveling Sisters Book Reviews
4.5 stars!

Atmospheric. Suspenseful. Addictive. Tension-filled.

Sera has an addiction to listening to true crime podcasts. Rachel is the podcast host of her favourite show. Rachel’s podcast focuses on cases of missing women. Sera listens to each episode repeatedly and knows the cases by heart. When Rachel herself disappears, Sera feels lost. Sera is drawn to Rachel’s small town to search for clues on why the one person who is searching for missing women is now missing herself.

What a fantastic deb
Sheyla ✎
Jan 30, 2021 rated it it was ok
I’m sorry but this didn’t work for me.

What a frustrating story and character!

After a divorce, grieving the loss of her baby, and a series of bad romantic relationships, Sera doesn't have the desire to pick herself up and find a new job. Her sole obsession is to listen to a podcast by a woman named Rachel. Her podcasts are all about women who have disappeared.

Sera has learned everything about Rachel from her social media and from the episodes of her podcast. So when Rachel disappears, no new pod
Michael David (on hiatus)

*Review originally published on on 11/7/20.

Lately, there has been a trend of incorporating a podcast into the telling of a mystery or thriller. I have seen this gimmick used successfully, and I have seen it fail. Luckily, it’s a highly effective plot device in IF I DISAPPEAR.

Sera Fleece doesn’t have much going for her. Recently divorced and without a job, she spends all of her time listening to her favorite p
Holly  B
I admit I was intrigued by the cover! Also, I saw the author has a new book coming out next year and I wanted to see if this worked for me before I requested it.

Enter Sera Fleece- #1 fan of true crime podcast host, Rachel Bard. She is determined to solve the mystery of Rachel's recent disappearance. She is obsessed.

Rachel Bard- She has left clues..... via her podcast Murder She Spoke and we get these snippets at the beginning of each new chapter. Sera tells her, "At night I listen to your podcas
Nilufer Ozmekik
Jul 10, 2021 rated it liked it
Ding ding ding! Unpopular review is coming out!

After seeing mixed reviews about this book and rejection of publishers which gave punching in the gut vibes, I thought maybe I should skip this one.

But that eerie masterpiece kind of cover and chasing the traces of missing true crime podcaster which leads to other missing women theme intrigued me a lot! And this book as mentioned as bizarre, weird, eerie, awkward just like same words people use when they talk behind me! I thought it was a sign. I
Brenda ~Traveling Sisters Book Reviews
"Would anyone look for me? Would anyone care? If I Disappeared..."

If I Disappear is an ambitious story that takes a unique spins while playing on that "women who disappear" "crazy women" trope and layers in some underlining themes, with women's treatment within our society. We see how we can become desensitized to the troubles of others and can find entertainment in that. It defies those harmful tropes here by giving a voice to seen and unseen women along with missing and forgotten women while e
This is a Suspense Mystery/Thriller. I have to say it took me awhile to get into this book. I have to say the middle was really good, and it keep me guessing/wanting more. The ending was a let down, and I have to say the ending was hard to follow. The characters was more to love, and I do not think the characters where really developed. I think the characters not being developed was done on purpose. I really think the ending needed to be better, and the middle was really good. I also think this ...more
This was sooooo good until the last 50 pages or so, I wasn’t a huge fan of the ending. Here’s a reading vlog where I read this book and explain more of my thoughts on it: ...more
Aug 04, 2021 rated it liked it
Well, this was weird.

Sera has been slowly fading away after her divorce. She can’t hold down a job, she hasn’t spoken to her friends for a year, she rarely leaves her house. Her name couldn’t be more apt. Que Sera, Sera; whatever will be, will be. She has no real direction or ambition in life, until she finds a purpose: figuring out what happened to Rachel, the mysterious podcast host who poured her heart and soul into telling the stories of the missing and disappeared, until she also disappeare
Feb 01, 2021 rated it liked it
If I could say just one thing to Eliza Jane Brazier, it would be - "forget the epilogue!"

This was a weird book. I really wish I had done a buddy read on it because I finished it with more questions than answers. Ultimately, I’m not really sure how I feel about it - at times I was engaged and intrigued, but at other times, I was confused and downright irritated.

I love murder podcasts, as does the protagonist, Sera, so I thought this book was right up my alley. And it was - sort of - other than t
Jan 05, 2021 rated it it was amazing
If I Disappear is that rare thriller that's actually thrilling--in that it's actually a beautifully written and truly terrifying story. I got actual goosebumps at the ending. Goosebumps!

Ripe with atmosphere and with a main character whose mental state you can never be sure of--not to mention every other character--If I Disappear offers up a murder mystery (and the latest in thrillers, a podcast, although this one is very unsettling and makes the already high creepiness factor even higher) that
Chelsea (chelseadolling reads)
This book was absolutely bizarre. I was SO interested in the premise, but the second person dialogue mixed with the short, stilted writing style really didn't work for me. And not that I necessarily think we were supposed to like the narrator, but I found her to be extremely unlikeable and it kept me from caring at all about anything that happened. This book just unfortunately was not for me. Womp.

CW: death of an animal
Jan 28, 2021 rated it did not like it
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Berit Talks Books
Captivating and creepy. Atmospheric and tense. Uncomfortable and unsettling. Eliza Jane Brazier’s debut had my pulse pounding from first minute to last. Sarah is a lonely and lost 30 something with an obsession with true crime podcasts, the “Murder She Spoke“ podcast being her favorite. When Rachel the host of the MSS podcast goes missing Sarah is compelled to find her. Sarah‘s search for Rachel takes her to small town Northern California and Rachel‘s family ranch. When Sarah arrives in the smal ...more
Feb 23, 2021 rated it it was ok
This book was strange. It reminded me very distantly of the brilliant Sadie, and for that I feel bad because there is really no comparing the two. Written in second person with short sentences made to keep the reader feeling off balance throughout, the story read very YA to me. So much of the behavior of certain characters was never explained and most of the story required a healthy suspension of disbelief. I also found this confusing and repetitive, which is a strange combination. The author is ...more
Nenia ✨ I yeet my books back and forth ✨ Campbell

Instagram || Twitter || Facebook || Amazon || Pinterest

I seriously don't understand why this book has such low ratings. I bought it on impulse when it went on sale because I was attracted to the premise and the gorgeous cover. The heroine, Sera, is a divorcee with a litany of psychological and emotional problems who finds solace in listening to the voice of her favorite podcaster, a woman named Rachel who has a channel called Murder, She Spoke, where she talks about crimes and mysteries, sol
Oct 27, 2020 rated it it was amazing
I contemplated how to begin a review on this book. I can say this book doesn’t compare to anything I have read before with this kind of twist. I finished it and thought is there a cheat sheet to what happened? That twist will keep readers coming back for more from this author. It isn’t your typical psychological thriller. I loved it!!❤️

The narrator, Sera, is a fan to a missing person podcast hosted by Rachel who has disappeared. Sera becomes obsessed with finding her and takes on a ranch hand jo
Eliza Brazier
Aug 02, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  (Review from the author)
Thank you.

Jordan (Jordy’s Book Club)
Nov 20, 2020 rated it really liked it
QUICK TAKE: when a true crime podcaster goes missing, her biggest fan decides to make herself part of the story by trying to track her down and finds herself working for the podcaster's family on their isolated and mysterious dude ranch. As Sera gets to know the family and other members of the community, she finds herself part of a dark and dangerous mystery. This one was a bizarre blast...part I'LL BE GONE IN THE DARK, part SHARP OBJECTS, the author does a brilliant job leaning into the macabre ...more
Chelsey (a_novel_idea11)
Rachel runs a podcast about missing women called Murder, She Spoke. When she suddenly goes silent - no social media activity, no new podcasts - her biggest fan, Sera, starts to suspect she's gone missing.

Sera decides to take matters into her own hands and find out what happened to Rachel. Afterall, it's what Rachel has been training her for with all of the information and tips provided through the podcasts. Sera heads to Rachel's family ranch in the wilderness of Northern California and pretends
Melissa (LifeFullyBooked)
This odd book.
If you just go with it and dive deep into the swirling paranoia and bizarre story of a missing podcaster, you will probably like it and you're in for a topsy turvy ride. And if you can really start thinking about the overall premise of Sera looking for herself as well as trying to find out what happened to Rachel, the book does offer some unique storytelling.

However, there were some gigantic plot holes and other things that just didn't make the story work for me (don't re
Feb 02, 2021 rated it liked it
I was really looking forward to this but came out underwhelmed. The plot seems like everything I would love - mystery, suspense, true crime, a podcast, unreliable narrator, fantastic book cover. Sign me up! But what I got was sub-300 pages of Sera repeating "Where are you?" and "I must find you" several hundred times.

The pacing was slow and I failed to connect with any of the characters. The ending was fine but nothing mind-blowing, which I can chalk up to my lack of connection. Based on other
Ashley Scott
Feb 22, 2021 rated it did not like it
You know what’s about to disappear? This book off my bookshelf.
Frank Phillips
Apr 06, 2021 rated it liked it
Man, talk about a good book, that had potential of being REALLY good had the execution at the end been better!! Definitely a slow burn mystery about a true crime podcast host who has disappeared and her number one fan /bff (maybe one-sided) who goes out to try and find her. This one had all the makings of a great thriller alas I was only held speechless by the incredible letdown :-( , but perhaps it's just me, Idk...I still have faith in this author, especially since this was her debut I will ea ...more
Krystin | TheF**kingTwist
Book Blog | Bookstagram

“This is what ordinary people are like. They don’t want to be bothered. They don’t want to care. They would rather let a few people disappear, a few families suffer and never recover, than ruin everybody’s vacation.”

Filed Under: Two shakes away from Texas Chainsaw

Well, this was fucking weird.

I don’t know if this review is going to make any sense at all, because I’m still not sure how I really feel about this novel. So, uh, good luck reading my stoned thoughts.

First of
Dannii Elle
Sera is in her thirties, divorced, and recently jobless. She feels aimless, hopeless, and goalless. Her only passion still remaining is for true crime podcasts. When the host of her favourite series fails to upload at her usual time and her social media presence drops, Sera finds the purpose she has been looking for. With no ties remaining to tether her anywhere, she journeys to the host's home, found through much online detective work, and sets about finding what happened to the girl whose voic ...more
Sera is obsessed with a podcast. She has no friends and is hardly involved in her job. Rachel, host of Sera's favorite missing girls podcast has disappeared. Sera decides to go to the place Rachel was last seen and solve the disappearance. After all, she has all of the podcasts memorized. Putting all that info into practice should be a breeze, right? What will happen when Sera immerses herself in the Fountain Creek Ranch? Will she be able to solve the case and find Rachel? The podcast excerpts f ...more
Erika Lynn (shelf.inspiration)
3 Stars

“We look because we have to. Because no one else will.” - If I Disappear.

See more on my Bookstagram: Shelf.Inspiration Instagram

REVIEW: Thank you to NetGalley, Berkley Publishing Group, and Eliza Brazier for providing me with an ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review. This book follows Sera, who is a lover of true crime podcasts. Her favorite are the podcasts that follow the disappearances of women and she feels like they are preparing her for something. So when her favorit
Kyra Leseberg (Roots & Reads)
Dec 24, 2020 rated it really liked it
Shelves: arc
Sera Fleece is unemployed, recently divorced, and finding it tough to get out of bed. She spends most of her time listening to true crime podcasts and has found herself invested in one in particular: Murder, She Spoke. The podcast covers the unsolved disappearances of women and is hosted by Rachel Bard from her family’s guest ranch in Northern California. Sera has listened to each of the 84 episodes multiple times and likes to scroll through Rachel’s social media for insight into her everyday li ...more
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Eliza Jane Brazier is an author, screenwriter, and journalist. Eliza entered the horse world at the age of 5 and has worked as a rider, horse trainer and riding instructor. She currently lives in California with her horse and dogs, where she is developing her books for television.

Articles featuring this book

Comforting cozies, courtroom theatrics, and cold cases that warm back up...mystery and thriller subgenres are bigger and better than ever these...
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“It makes me think about how the patriarchy was preserved for thousands of years because organized religion gave men magical powers and made women their servants,” 1 likes
“This is what ordinary people are like. They don’t want to be bothered. They don’t want to care. They would rather let a few people disappear, a few families suffer and never recover, than ruin everybody’s vacation.” 1 likes
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