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Hellbender
Doug wasn’t sure whether he should trust Satan.
The red flag was that he said he was Satan. But the deal was good: Listen to Satan’s story in exchange for some donuts. And Doug only half-fulfilled his part of the bargain.
But maybe he should have listened better, because during his friend Bryce’s next scheme (theft with light to moderate treason—the usual), Doug and the rest of his friends—Lulu (the fun one) and Charlene (the not fun one)—end up with a powerful artifact, a small metal cube with world-ending power that Lulu decorated with bunnies. And now everyone wants the bunny cube, which means Doug, Bryce, Lulu, and Charlene are being pursued by an insane supermodel general, an army of sadists, a vast criminal organization, a smaller, more-in-startup-mode criminal organization, and an unstoppable killing machine—the worst kind of killing machine.
Doug and his friends may be a bunch of losers who aren’t particularly smart or good at anything, but they have one thing going for them: a really cool name for their mercenary group. And now it’s up to Hellbender to save the world—well, what’s left of it. It’s pretty ruined and war-torn already. But, you know, they live there, so they kind of need it.
It’s a mess, but that’s what you get for listening to Satan. Or half-listening.
The red flag was that he said he was Satan. But the deal was good: Listen to Satan’s story in exchange for some donuts. And Doug only half-fulfilled his part of the bargain.
But maybe he should have listened better, because during his friend Bryce’s next scheme (theft with light to moderate treason—the usual), Doug and the rest of his friends—Lulu (the fun one) and Charlene (the not fun one)—end up with a powerful artifact, a small metal cube with world-ending power that Lulu decorated with bunnies. And now everyone wants the bunny cube, which means Doug, Bryce, Lulu, and Charlene are being pursued by an insane supermodel general, an army of sadists, a vast criminal organization, a smaller, more-in-startup-mode criminal organization, and an unstoppable killing machine—the worst kind of killing machine.
Doug and his friends may be a bunch of losers who aren’t particularly smart or good at anything, but they have one thing going for them: a really cool name for their mercenary group. And now it’s up to Hellbender to save the world—well, what’s left of it. It’s pretty ruined and war-torn already. But, you know, they live there, so they kind of need it.
It’s a mess, but that’s what you get for listening to Satan. Or half-listening.
266 pages, Kindle Edition
First published June 22, 2019
86 people are currently reading
84 people want to read
About the author
Frank J. Fleming
14 books131 followersI used to write political satire, but then I got sick of politics and now sticking to science fiction and fantasy. It's supposed to be more serious writing, but people keep calling them comedies :(
Newsletter: http://frankjfleming.com
Newsletter: http://frankjfleming.com
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 33 reviews
June 27, 2019
I do write for me, so if I'm to be honest, I really enjoy my own writing. I really like all of the main four -- Doug is just me in a way, Bryce is an amusing pretend sociopath, Lulu has lots of great lines, and Charlene's determination is pretty funny at time. I think my favorite character is Tara, though; you never know what she is going to do.
I hope there's going to be a sequel.
I hope there's going to be a sequel.
August 16, 2019
You may not recognize the name Frank J. Flemming, but, if you've been wise in your choice of friends online, you have undoubtedly seen his ridiculous-yet-accurate headlines shared from the always entertaining Babylon Bee.
Hellbender is a comic dystopian science fiction adventure involving Satan. We readers are not exactly sure what Satan wants because our protagonist, when striking the deal, was distracted by donuts.
That would be Doug, the hapless one. He is joined by Bryce, the one always working an angle, Charlene, the one doing her best to fit into a cruel society that hates her type, and Lulu who can be counted on to just be herself no matter what impossible situations the author puts her in.
These four outcasts alternatively try to get paid or save the universe, while an amusing cast of supporting characters tries to stop them or, very occasionally, help them. Maybe. Of course there is a comic relief robot sidekick (as the genre demands), this one obeying the letter of the Asmovian Three Laws but, hilariously, not the spirit.
Buy this book! Help Frank get paid (and, who knows, maybe save the universe)!
Hellbender is a comic dystopian science fiction adventure involving Satan. We readers are not exactly sure what Satan wants because our protagonist, when striking the deal, was distracted by donuts.
That would be Doug, the hapless one. He is joined by Bryce, the one always working an angle, Charlene, the one doing her best to fit into a cruel society that hates her type, and Lulu who can be counted on to just be herself no matter what impossible situations the author puts her in.
These four outcasts alternatively try to get paid or save the universe, while an amusing cast of supporting characters tries to stop them or, very occasionally, help them. Maybe. Of course there is a comic relief robot sidekick (as the genre demands), this one obeying the letter of the Asmovian Three Laws but, hilariously, not the spirit.
Buy this book! Help Frank get paid (and, who knows, maybe save the universe)!
August 22, 2019
So great. I laughed out loud a lot and then bought a few more copies for my friends. Bring on the sequels, Frank.
May 29, 2020
Porque não começar a história com Satanás a comer donuts com a personagem principal??
Confesso que foi isto que inicialmente me fez supor que iria adorar está história e foi o que revelou que seria uma comédia desgarrada do início ao fim!!
E NÃO ME ENGANEI!!
A história é uma autêntica comédia Sci-Fi com a trupe de idiotas que qualquer comédia precisa!!
Doug - o idiota
Bryce - o que anda sempre metido em esquemas
Charlene - a goody goody two shoes
Lulu - a psicopata que adora coelhos
Escusado será dizer que a minha preferida é a Lulu!!
Juntos forma o grupo Hellbender, nomeado por Doug e contrariado por todos os outros, mas que ao longo da história lá vai tentando que peguem a ideia!!
Leram o início?? A cena dos donuts?? Satanás vai explicando o que está para acontecer, mas Doug é um idiota....... E não ouve absolutamente nada...
Seguimos esta equipa de amigos que se odeiam ligeiramente pelo universo, atravessando tiros, guerras e um robot que só quer assassinar humanos mas como foi programado para obedecer às 3 regras fundamentais do robots é incapaz de tal ato, e muita gente que não paga pelo que prometeu!!
Ah!! E um cubo misterioso... Que pode destruir o universo... E tem coelhinhos desenhados... Já estão a ver onde quero ir com isto de que é rir até ao fim??
Confesso que foi isto que inicialmente me fez supor que iria adorar está história e foi o que revelou que seria uma comédia desgarrada do início ao fim!!
E NÃO ME ENGANEI!!
A história é uma autêntica comédia Sci-Fi com a trupe de idiotas que qualquer comédia precisa!!
Doug - o idiota
Bryce - o que anda sempre metido em esquemas
Charlene - a goody goody two shoes
Lulu - a psicopata que adora coelhos
Escusado será dizer que a minha preferida é a Lulu!!
Juntos forma o grupo Hellbender, nomeado por Doug e contrariado por todos os outros, mas que ao longo da história lá vai tentando que peguem a ideia!!
Leram o início?? A cena dos donuts?? Satanás vai explicando o que está para acontecer, mas Doug é um idiota....... E não ouve absolutamente nada...
Seguimos esta equipa de amigos que se odeiam ligeiramente pelo universo, atravessando tiros, guerras e um robot que só quer assassinar humanos mas como foi programado para obedecer às 3 regras fundamentais do robots é incapaz de tal ato, e muita gente que não paga pelo que prometeu!!
Ah!! E um cubo misterioso... Que pode destruir o universo... E tem coelhinhos desenhados... Já estão a ver onde quero ir com isto de que é rir até ao fim??
June 14, 2020
Definately a fun read. Loughed out loud several times. Terifically fun characters.
April 27, 2020
I am a fan of Frank Fleming's work at IMAO and The Babylon Bee, so the blurb for this book sounded like it had real potential. Indeed, it has a great premise and opening line. The characters and dialogue are also great. For the first third, one could say that it was a fun romp. There are bits of Fleming's wonderful humor scattered throughout the book.
But endlessly chasing a MacGuffin, interspersed with battle scenes, doesn't really count as plot development. As the character Lapointe says, "it’s sloppy plotting and I don't like it". Fleming's Final Word says "I hope there weren't parts where you were all 'I just need to get this done with!'". Actually yes, pretty much the entire second half just moves the chase to different locations without any real plot development. The occasional humorous gems aren't enough to keep it from getting tiresome. I kept hoping that there would be a clever denouement to make it worth finishing. There isn't, just a set-up for a sequel. Fleming is a talented writer, but he needs to structure his talents around a much better thought-through plot, not just turn his characters loose to chase a MacGuffin. This could have been so much better if Fleming had worked as hard on a well-developed plot that unfolds throughout the book as he did on other aspects.
But endlessly chasing a MacGuffin, interspersed with battle scenes, doesn't really count as plot development. As the character Lapointe says, "it’s sloppy plotting and I don't like it". Fleming's Final Word says "I hope there weren't parts where you were all 'I just need to get this done with!'". Actually yes, pretty much the entire second half just moves the chase to different locations without any real plot development. The occasional humorous gems aren't enough to keep it from getting tiresome. I kept hoping that there would be a clever denouement to make it worth finishing. There isn't, just a set-up for a sequel. Fleming is a talented writer, but he needs to structure his talents around a much better thought-through plot, not just turn his characters loose to chase a MacGuffin. This could have been so much better if Fleming had worked as hard on a well-developed plot that unfolds throughout the book as he did on other aspects.
April 27, 2020
I do enjoy Frank Fleming's writing. It is fun and funny without being all about the jokes. I have read many "humorous" novels where the plot suffered because the author spent the whole book setting up joke after joke. Frank does not do that. I did enjoy Sidequest better than Hellbender but it still was a good read. It's nice every once in a while to pick up something fun and goofy to read to break up the monotony of life and especially the hell that we are going through with this worldwide pandemic. Also, I was too nervous/afraid to reach out and email him like he asks in the introduction. I should though. What if we were gonna be best friends? What if he was going to save my life in some disaster? What if I was going to have some super rare disease where I needed an organ donation from a novelist named Frank? Oh well, my loss.
October 29, 2019
Philosophical slapstick
This is broad humor-- four dumb characters stumbling through crazy situations-- and it is expertly done. The author combines slapstick-level humor with satire, religious philosophy, and deep insights into the modern world, an impressive feat. But even if you don't want to learn anything about the nature of social change or the relationship between man and morality, you will ne unable to stop laughing at the incredible exploits of Doug and his friends. Read this book!
This is broad humor-- four dumb characters stumbling through crazy situations-- and it is expertly done. The author combines slapstick-level humor with satire, religious philosophy, and deep insights into the modern world, an impressive feat. But even if you don't want to learn anything about the nature of social change or the relationship between man and morality, you will ne unable to stop laughing at the incredible exploits of Doug and his friends. Read this book!
August 20, 2019
Definitely not my cup of tea! I am sure younger readers would enjoy this but I found it becoming tedious the more I read. The author was correct that after investing so much time I felt obligated to finish. Unfortunately there wasn't much of an ending.
April 25, 2020
The world of Hellbender fits into my mental image in strong pastel colors, illustrated like a cartoon mix of Dilbert and the cell shading of the Borderlands video game series. If you have read Frank Fleming before (and I have read him since he was posting the "Chronicles of Dubya" on his Blog), you know his humor is blunt and obvious. But between his verbal jokes and barbs, he built a world that is post apocalyptic (again in a Borderlands sense), familiar, and having weird overtones of Terry Gilliam's "Brazil.
Without summarizing the plot (the cover blurb does a better job than I can), I can say this book has far more existential thought in it than I would have imagined. The humor manages to be both gut busting and effective despite the utter lack of subtlety. Like his previous "Sidequests", he has points to make, but far more of them and far more effectively, and in a bigger and more colorful trip to express it.
Without summarizing the plot (the cover blurb does a better job than I can), I can say this book has far more existential thought in it than I would have imagined. The humor manages to be both gut busting and effective despite the utter lack of subtlety. Like his previous "Sidequests", he has points to make, but far more of them and far more effectively, and in a bigger and more colorful trip to express it.
April 15, 2020
I have a lot of feelings about this book, and they aren't great. It started out with such promise and really declined from there.I am blown away at the number of 4-5 star reviews as I found it difficult to even finish. It became very repetitive the humor got old quickly. If I have to hear Doug say, "there's something wrong with this world" one more time I will jump off a cliff. The whole synopsis that starts the book, "Doug talks to Satan", doesn't even come into play until the last 20 minutes of the book. On top of all that, there was no real conclusion.
Skip this book unless you're about 13 years old.
Skip this book unless you're about 13 years old.
January 13, 2021
just a meh book for me, too much idiocracy for me. The book really made you think about the nature of government and it's relation to its constituents, but the characters where so (intentionally) dumb that i could barely take it. Their stupidity led to pink panther like hijinks, but i have trouble enjoying that sort of thing.
May 4, 2021
Fun read - little hard to follow in places, but that might just come with the territory in novels of this style when the protagonist is also confused/constantly trying to catch up with what’s happening
May 5, 2024
The book aims for humor in its conversations and event descriptions, but they struck me as childish and pretentious instead. The narrative style is reminiscent of 'The Perfect Run' for some reason. Dropped at 8%
March 31, 2025
I had this on my unread comics for whatever reason (okay, very likely because of the cover). I finally got around to reading it and I loved it. It's full of fun interactions between the protagonists.
I got the second book in the series lined up.
I got the second book in the series lined up.
May 25, 2020
Starts off great. Fell flat. Could have cut half out to improve it.
July 28, 2020
The characters are interesting, the general mood is light and humorous and the plot was fine. The only and the biggest issue with this book was that it was not funny.
March 30, 2021
Great book, interesting twist.
did-not-finish
March 13, 2022I tried, just couldn’t finish it…
September 22, 2022
Fun story with a different than normal logic.
February 19, 2023
Had me at page one. Brilliant!
March 24, 2020
I really enjoyed this book, definitely had a good few laughs with this one.
October 12, 2020
After reading and thoroughly enjoying Superego (#1 ) and Fathom (#2), I decided to try more titles by Fleming.
I'm not sure I've ever read a book like this. That's not a bad thing necessarily, but it probably explains the discrepancy in ratings-- how some loved it and others felt disappointed.
I think the best word to describe Hellbender is "episodic." It's about a rag-tag band of war orphans who stumble from one mishap to the other, often being heroic by complete and total accident. Episodic novels usually have a loose plot with characters in search of a vague goal (in this case: the bunny cube) who end up meeting new people, encountering danger, and essentially solving side-quests along the way.
The humor is also not for everyone, but I like it. It's satirical with varying levels of absurdity-- sometimes just for laughs but others for the dual purpose of pointing to larger social problems. For example, at one point, a Bryce is using a white lab coat to impersonate a scientist and quips, "Numerous studies show that people trust me no matter what I say." In another, less serious instance, a small-time antagonist cuts off a video call when alarms sound behind him, announcing that he must go because his experimental, highly intelligent platypi have escaped again.
In some aspects, the author did not take this seriously (because jokes! jokes everywhere!) and in others, it hints at something deeper. Doug did not pay any attention to the conversation the entire plot rests on, but we are mercifully afforded a glimpse into what was said in the form of quotations at the start of each chapter. Several were particularly thought-provoking, but here are two:
The ending provided more puzzle pieces but left many questions unanswered. I was really hoping for more.
I think Superego and Fathom are better examples of Fleming's ability as a writer. Or, at least, I enjoyed them more.
Still, Hellbender is a good book to kick back with and escape reality for a while (unless, of course, the world is destroyed by a reality-imploder bomb before you get a chance. That would really suck. So you should probably go read it ASAP.)
I'm not sure I've ever read a book like this. That's not a bad thing necessarily, but it probably explains the discrepancy in ratings-- how some loved it and others felt disappointed.
I think the best word to describe Hellbender is "episodic." It's about a rag-tag band of war orphans who stumble from one mishap to the other, often being heroic by complete and total accident. Episodic novels usually have a loose plot with characters in search of a vague goal (in this case: the bunny cube) who end up meeting new people, encountering danger, and essentially solving side-quests along the way.
The humor is also not for everyone, but I like it. It's satirical with varying levels of absurdity-- sometimes just for laughs but others for the dual purpose of pointing to larger social problems. For example, at one point, a Bryce is using a white lab coat to impersonate a scientist and quips, "Numerous studies show that people trust me no matter what I say." In another, less serious instance, a small-time antagonist cuts off a video call when alarms sound behind him, announcing that he must go because his experimental, highly intelligent platypi have escaped again.
In some aspects, the author did not take this seriously (because jokes! jokes everywhere!) and in others, it hints at something deeper. Doug did not pay any attention to the conversation the entire plot rests on, but we are mercifully afforded a glimpse into what was said in the form of quotations at the start of each chapter. Several were particularly thought-provoking, but here are two:
God is shackled by His own standards: He is good and can't be anything other than good. And while many think of me as evil, it's more correct to say I am all things. I am capable of evil. But I am capable of good, too. Nothing stops me from either (pg 80).
You might even say I'm the ultimate moderate. Whenever there has been a contentious issue, you can be certain I am with people on both sides. In a way, I am a friend of every man and woman. I sympathize with them all (pg 91).
The ending provided more puzzle pieces but left many questions unanswered. I was really hoping for more.
I think Superego and Fathom are better examples of Fleming's ability as a writer. Or, at least, I enjoyed them more.
Still, Hellbender is a good book to kick back with and escape reality for a while (unless, of course, the world is destroyed by a reality-imploder bomb before you get a chance. That would really suck. So you should probably go read it ASAP.)
February 24, 2020
Honestly one of the best sci-fi / fantasy books I've read this year.
December 3, 2019
Another seriously funny novel
Well I just finished Hellbender and really enjoyed Fleming's work. He has a way if taking the most impossible, improbable narratives and making a believer of his readers! This story centers on four friends who end up saving the world... sort of. The story is set after the Final War, when Satan makes a deal with Doug, the guy who everyone seems to want to punch in the gut, for a box of doughnuts. He is one of two males and two females who live together in an assigned apartment. And the story flows from one bad situation to another. With just the right amount of luck, the Hellbenders become the heroes of the world. Too much fun to miss!
Well I just finished Hellbender and really enjoyed Fleming's work. He has a way if taking the most impossible, improbable narratives and making a believer of his readers! This story centers on four friends who end up saving the world... sort of. The story is set after the Final War, when Satan makes a deal with Doug, the guy who everyone seems to want to punch in the gut, for a box of doughnuts. He is one of two males and two females who live together in an assigned apartment. And the story flows from one bad situation to another. With just the right amount of luck, the Hellbenders become the heroes of the world. Too much fun to miss!
October 15, 2019
Entertainment
Definitely different and fun to read. If I had to find something to compare Hellbender (the group) to, it would be Inspector Jacques Clouseau, Peter Sellers’ character. On one hand it was lighthearted and fun as they stumbled through everything; on the other hand it was a bit scary how everyone was dumbed down after the government took over everything. Kinda makes you think.
Regardless, the book was entertaining.
Definitely different and fun to read. If I had to find something to compare Hellbender (the group) to, it would be Inspector Jacques Clouseau, Peter Sellers’ character. On one hand it was lighthearted and fun as they stumbled through everything; on the other hand it was a bit scary how everyone was dumbed down after the government took over everything. Kinda makes you think.
Regardless, the book was entertaining.
October 31, 2019
A great start to what should be a terrific series
Fast-moving, imaginative, and fun, with quirky characters, wicked dialogue, and mordant humor. The plot—four erstwhile losers must save the universe from annihilation—has been done a million times, but this nevertheless seem fresh and new. Amazing. Lurking underneath the fun is some pretty deep thinking about humans and their place in the word. Loved it.
Fast-moving, imaginative, and fun, with quirky characters, wicked dialogue, and mordant humor. The plot—four erstwhile losers must save the universe from annihilation—has been done a million times, but this nevertheless seem fresh and new. Amazing. Lurking underneath the fun is some pretty deep thinking about humans and their place in the word. Loved it.
January 28, 2020
3.5 stars
Not as good as the previous Fleming books, but well worth the time. There were some great one liners and I'll read the sequel when it releases. It tettered between clever and silly a lot.
Didn't sound like a book I would usually pick up, but was so happy to find another book by the author of Sidequest and Superego that I had to give it a shot.
The narration was well done.
Not as good as the previous Fleming books, but well worth the time. There were some great one liners and I'll read the sequel when it releases. It tettered between clever and silly a lot.
Didn't sound like a book I would usually pick up, but was so happy to find another book by the author of Sidequest and Superego that I had to give it a shot.
The narration was well done.
July 27, 2019
A fun read, and certainly qualifies as "something different."
Took me a while to get into it, but I think I just had to find the right mental framing for this offbeat adventure. Kind of reminds me of a cartoon world.
Took me a while to get into it, but I think I just had to find the right mental framing for this offbeat adventure. Kind of reminds me of a cartoon world.
dnf
November 14, 2022DNF around 50 pages. Will definitely try again later, or try another of Fleming's books. Characters were engaging and general satirical tone was fun, but writing style was extremely clunky.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 33 reviews