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Ask for More: 10 Questions to Negotiate Anything

4.40  ·  Rating details ·  228 ratings  ·  81 reviews
Ask for More shows that by asking better questions, you get better answers—and better results from any negotiation.

Negotiation is not a zero-sum game. It’s an essential skill for your career that can also improve your closest relationships and your everyday life, but often people shy away from it, feeling defeated before they’ve even started. In this groundbreaking new bo
Hardcover, 256 pages
Published May 5th 2020 by Simon Schuster
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Melissa Kramps
Apr 23, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I could not put this book down! Whether your goal is to enhance your business negotiations or to communicate better with your partner, Ask for More is a must read. The Mirror and Window metaphors anchor the book and guide the reader in learning how to ask open ended questions and patiently wait for a response.
May 02, 2020 rated it it was amazing
A foundational, must-read negotiations book seems to be published every decade or so: in the 80s it was "Getting to Yes". The 90s brought us "Difficult Conversations". Then came "Beyond Winning" and "3-D Negotiations". "Ask for More" is one such cornerstone book. It is not just the culmination, but also the evolution of the art of negotiations for the 21st century individual: like the book teaches, in an increasingly connected and louder world, true value comes from asking the right questions.
May 01, 2020 rated it it was amazing
This book delivers a great one-two punch. First, it expands your vision of what negotiation is, showing you how negotiation applies to every aspect of your personal and professional life. Second, it gives you very concrete tools for mastering negotiation. Plus, the tools take you beyond negotiation, towards better understanding yourself and others with a generosity of spirit. The book is written in a direct, engaging style, full of a variety of examples from different fields. And everything is r ...more
May 23, 2020 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This is good, brisk, succinct guide to negotiation, and negotiation prep. The first 5 questions are for your side: What's the problem I want to solve?, What do I need?, What do I feel?, How have I handled this successfully in the past?, What's the first step? Then, the second 5 questions are for your opposite number: Tell me?, What do you need?, What are your concerns?, How have you handled this successfully in the past?, and What's the first step? If I had a complaint it's that the whole progra ...more
Andreea Andries
Jul 13, 2020 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I negotiate/ steer relationships every day at work and I use most of these tools. The book is a bit superficial in its stories (I understand that the author tried to make it appealing to the non-business groups) and repetitive. However it had good takeaways on how to be systematic in a negotiation and how to start by structuring the question before a meeting.
Katie Bernard
May 01, 2020 rated it it was amazing
This book gives amazing examples and anecdotes that apply to your daily life and really simplifies problem solving. Great personal development book.
Mike L
Jun 27, 2020 rated it it was amazing
Excellent book with several useful ideas and strategies
May 08, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
As someone who hates confrontation, this books really helped me understand that negotiation is not about arguing, but about finding a happy middle ground.
Crystal K
May 04, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
In “Ask For More – 10 Questions to Negotiate Anything,” Professor Alexandra Carter presents the reader with a two-part framework for use in any negotiations endeavor and navigating and steering relationships through leading asking questions; and not just any questions, but the best questions. She describes Part I as, “The Mirror,” and Part II as, “The Window,” with each part asking questions of the person who is looking at themselves in The Mirror, and to other person(s) involved in the negotiat ...more
Hilary R
May 03, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I'm someone who would back down from any confrontation or negotiation— ever met that person who’d refuse to haggle at a market where you’re supposed to? That’s me. I picked up this book to explore ways I could learn to use my own strengths (and confront my weaknesses) in negotiations, but I found even more in reading Ask For More: how to really figure out my own needs, proactively rather than reactively, and communicate them better, to both myself and others. There are plenty of negotiation book ...more
Doreen Benyamin
May 03, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I decided to read "Ask For More" to learn more about negotiation, but got a lot more than I bargained for — beyond negotiation, Alex Carter teaches readers how to have more effective conversations with ourselves . The first half of the book, "The Mirror", provides five questions that guide the way we think about and approach what we want in the first place — a useful first step in any negotiation, but perhaps even more useful in our daily lives where we often don't ask ourselves the hard questi ...more
Tom Nachtigal
May 26, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This book was introduced to me in the midst of the most uncertain time I've ever experienced, when I needed to make life decisions and was completely paralyzed without being able to choose one path or another. I could not be more thankful for this timing of reading this book, as it offered me tremendous help clarifying my issues, my goals and needs.
In times of uncertainty, so many questions arise and entangle, and it becomes harder and harder to basically identify and separate between issues and
Sep 15, 2020 rated it it was amazing
Now, of all the books I have read this year, this would be the #1 book I would recommend to everyone to read. This books deals with the art of negotiation in all aspects of our lives. The premise behind it is how mediation needs to be done first for one to be successful in negotiation. When we think of negotiation, we view it as a zero-sum game where there has to be a winner and a loser. After reading this book, I now know that it is important for the outcome of any negotiation to be mutually be ...more
Peter Knox
May 03, 2020 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: kindle, non-fiction, 2020
Before this book, I thought Negotiation was about winning and losing... at best trying to find a win/win.

Alex Carter gives us all a new definition for negotiation - it's literally how to navigate relationships. Her metaphor comparing it to kayaking absolutely changed things for me: keeping your eyes on the goal ahead, always steering and guiding, and working in context works.

This book's framework is genius, 10 open ended questions (with follow up questions, help with sticking points, and narrati
Cam M.
May 03, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
When it comes to being a skilled negotiator, I thought some people just had it and I was one of the ones who didn't — I think I've changed my mind. On the surface, Alex Carter gives you the crib notes to a successful discussion: how to identify your interests and how to listen and learn from a colleague, partner, or boss on the other side of the table. After that, she proves that you can do it.

The book doesn't try to sell you on how to outmaneuver, undermine, or bully your way to the top, it pu
A book on expanding what it means to negotiate effectively, the biggest takeaway from Ask for More for me personally is: In order to know how to negotiate, you must first deeply understand yourself, and then deeply understand your fellow negotiator. Only then can your/their proposal be rooted in what you both care about, and thus be successful.

• The method, models, and philosophy of how Alexandra Carter approaches negotiation is powerful and refreshing

• The personal stories were touching, and I
Apr 30, 2020 rated it it was amazing
I flew through Ask for More, and I know I will be returning to this book time and again as a I negotiate my way through life. Ask for More is an approachable, compassionate, and no-nonsense guide to preparing for and navigating tough conversations and decisions in any area of life. The core is the clear and helpful Mirror and Window framework, which requires asking good questions (of yourself and others) and listening carefully (to yourself and others). As someone who has often felt intimidated ...more
"Ask For More" is a much-needed addition to everyone's bookshelf. Alexandra Carter writes with a refreshingly frank and relatable voice, breaking down the components of a successful negotiation strategy into truly manageable chunks. Carter has a uniquely broad take on where "negotiations" happen: she looks beyond professional relationships, tackling situations with parents, children, spouses, neighbors and friends. Indeed, her goal is to help the reader see that every conversation -- even those ...more
May 01, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Highly, highly recommended.

Professor Carter provides a restatement of the field so complete, clear, and practical that it is bound to become our leading introductory text, as well as the leading manual for experienced negotiators.

As a negotiation practitioner and instructor— including serving as an adjunct at the law school where Alexandra Carter is an award-winning professor— I've spent more than two decades engaged with academic and popular writing on negotiation, mediation, and persuasion. W
Nadia Yusuf
May 04, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This book is phenomenal! Once you start reading ask for more... its hard to put down because you want to take notes on all the gems the book has to offer. When I first started learning about negotiations i always thought it was about the back and forth and made me really uncomfortable just thinking about it. Alex has completely changed my perspective on that. Its about so much more. Her concept on mirror and window questions has honestly changed my outlook on negotiations both professionally and ...more
Cliff Tsan
May 05, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I am a partner at a large regional law firm, and I am also the immediate past professional development and diversity officer of my firm. Professor Carter's book is a MUST-READ for all attorneys, especially for women in the law and attorneys of color, but also for anyone engaged in business - especially during these challenging times of the COVID-19 pandemic -- and also anyone engaged in negotiations in other areas of life, including marriage, relationships, parenting, etc. Unlike many other book ...more
Catherine ONeill
I was blown away by this book. Through clear, concise prose and helpful anecdotes, Carter demonstrates how proper introspection and communication are vital to successfully navigating any negotiation, and provides the tools necessary to obtain those skills. She also opened my eyes to the myriad of ways her readers can use negotiating skills in both their personal and professional lives. Are you seeking to advance a stalled business deal? Improve your relationship with your partner or child? Secur ...more
Jul 08, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Excellent step by step coaching and guidance with examples and counter examples on how to ask for more.
5 same questions in Mirror (myself) and Window (the other party)

1. Definition of the problem/goal,
Flip from negative to positive and go deeper
Tell me (more) about ….
I know you are saying “it’s fine”, but your face/tome shows… maybe you can tell me about your feeling/concern?
Summarize, and ask, what did I miss?

2. needs/what those look like
Tell me what do you need?
What would …. Look like to yo
Artem Rodichev
Jul 20, 2020 rated it it was amazing
A structured approach to negotiations (and negotiations are not just what you do in a meeting room, but rather almost everything in our lives, including negotiations with ourselves).
Alex knows it inside out with experience from the UN and governments to the largest corporations and down to personal and family conflicts.

The approach is very simple - just five questions:
1) what is the problem
2) what do you need
3) what do you feel
4) how you handled it before
5) what is the first step

But you have to
May 01, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Loved this book! We all negotiate every day of our lives, whether we like it or not. This book gives you incredibly useful tips and skills to better advocate for yourself or for your clients. If you want to move past just thinking that the loudest party is the winner, this book will show you how. One part that I think everyone can use is how to ask open ended questions. Too often do we try and put our own interest and biases into our questions, but the reality is that open ended questions can ge ...more
Brittani Ivey
May 03, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This is right message for the right time! In Ask for More, Alexandra Carter delivers a clear system for framing the types of discussions that will yield results. These discussions, as Prof. Carter so eloquently outlines, don't start with questions for others, but rather with questions for ourselves. By encouraging readers to look inward, she challenges readers to make their goals and needs clear and then equips them with the tools to go out and attain them. In a time of unprecedented change and ...more
May 04, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This book will help you develop a more open, direct, and effective way of communicating – with yourself and with others. I studied mediation with Alex at Columbia Law School and still learned so many new techniques from her book. I used my first read to deeply examine both a close personal relationship and a work conundrum, and came away with a confident sense of how I could positively move forward in each situation. I know I will be cracking it open for guidance many times in the future. Alex's ...more
Christina ✨ (she/her)
Sep 30, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: anyone wanting to solve a problem or navigate conflict in a kinder, more connected way.⁠ 
I LOVED this book. It was like a crash course in leveling-up my communication, and I am still reflecting on a lot of the topics Carter introduced in these quick 250-ish pages.

When I picked this book up, I didn’t have a big conflict or goal in mind. And it turns out, I didn't really need to. With even the small topics I brought to my journal/meditation space after each chapter, I found a lot of clarity and inner-peace. I highly recommend if you’ve been wanting to solve a problem or navigate confl
Alex Xinrui
Apr 29, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This book has changed my view about negotiation completely! I have some previous experience negotiating and tend to think of myself as someone who knows enough about what is effective negotiation. However, this book has taught me that negotiation is not just about holding tough positions and exchanging numbers, but instead about asking the right questions to gain the necessary knowledge that would eventually allow me to navigate the communications. The author uses easy to read language to show t ...more
Karri LeGault
Apr 29, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
An incredible read for those looking to better serve in business and/or personal life. You will learn to ask to the right/open-ended questions that will build a strong level of trust from the first interaction with new relationships and a deeper level of understanding with all relationships. You will find yourself taking action with these strategies immediately in all parts of your daily life. Perhaps my favorite part is that these good questions will empower others to collaborate and make the w ...more
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Alexandra Carter is a Clinical Professor of Law and Director of the Mediation Clinic at Columbia Law School, where she has spent over a decade helping thousands of people improve their negotiation skills. She is a world-renowned negotiation trainer for the United Nations, where she has taught dozens of negotiation workshops to hundreds of diplomats from more than eighty nations. Carter graduated w ...more

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“the key to negotiation is transparency: getting and sharing the right information.” 2 likes
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