Befriending Your Nervous System: Looking Through the Lens of Polyvagal Theory

by Deb Dana

Harness the power of your nervous system to support healthy relationships and personal well-being.

Why is it that when you have a tense conversation with a boss, coworker, or partner, you feel like you’re staring down a charging rhinoceros? How is it that both situations cause a fight-or-flight response—and what can you learn from it?

As it turns out, the same neurological processes that cause unwanted stress can also be harnessed to summon relaxation, spaciousness, and equanimity. In Befriending Your Nervous System, clinician Deb Dana presents a simple, hopeful message: when you approach these subconscious processes with openness, mindful attention, and—above all—curiosity, you can gain the understanding necessary to shape their outcomes. Dana draws from the recent explosion of research in Polyvagal Theory, which posits that our most hardwired survival responses are regulated by the vagus nerve and can be consciously regulated through repeated exercises.

Here, you will learn:

· How to interpret the subtle language of the nervous system
· Present-moment awareness and the mechanics of choice
· Your personal “protection-connection” equation
· How to cultivate and savor positive nervous states
· Why it’s paramount that you examine your internalized stories about the world
· How to discover the stillness available in every moment
· What actually nourishes your autonomic nervous system
· The continuum of resilience
· T­­he process of reciprocity, rupture, and repair
· How to recognize physical cues of both safety and danger

Dana teaches how to work with the body’s innate ability to pick up social signals and cultivate “micro-moments” of safety, retraining your automatic responses to stress, conflict, and hardship. Including in-depth practices such as guided imagery, meditation, and ongoing self-inquiry, Befriending Your Nervous System offers a practical user’s manual for anyone seeking greater wellness, self-awareness, and emotional resilience.

Genres: Audiobook, Psychology, Nonfiction, Health, Self Help, Mental Health, Personal Development

Audio CD

Published June 23, 2020

About the author

Deb Dana is a clinician and consultant specializing in working with complex trauma and Coordinator of the Traumatic Stress Research Consortium at the Kinsey Institute, Indiana University. She developed the Rhythm of Regulation clinical training series and lectures internationally on ways in which polyvagal theory informs work with trauma survivors.

Reviews

[Izzy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is for anyone that wants a better understanding of the nervous system and how to tune into it and work with it. The book has micro experiential practices throughout the book, tuning one into a felt awareness of the nervous system.

[Letecia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Needed a refresher for 2021. Will probably listen once a month for this entire year until I incorporate the practices into my personal self-care tool kit.

2022 seems to be even more chaotic than 2021 if that is possible. Needed another refresher. Good stuff.

[Joshua · Rating 1 out of 5]

The data behind this book is out of date and the triune brain is no longer consistent with current literature. The authors failed to adjust/adapt their model to new data, leading me to believe this is more quackery than science.

[Elizabeth Acacia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Polyvagal theory has popped up in a few podcasts and other books I have read, so I was really excited when I found this prescriptive way to get more in touch with my nervous system. I love books with actual exercises that you can do here and now, rather than navigating to other websites or buying additional content. Just the act of documenting and analyzing my reactions to situations helps me to understand myself better. For example, I know that the idea of parking in cities causes my stress to spike and the exercises helped me to plan for those situations in advance. Her book helps with more difficult situations, but that is just an easy one to share here.

It is a long read and I read it in chunks, often going back to catch things that I missed if I got distracted. I highly recommend this book to anyone looking to understand their body and nervous system a bit better.

[Jennifer Cauzzo · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a very interesting audiobook to layout the innate functioning and workings of the autonomic system (Polyvagal theory). It is a guided program to get in touch with your own ventral vagal state (safe place), recognize when you step out of it towards the sympathetic state (fight or flight) or dorsal state (freeze), and find your way back to ventral.
The audiobook offers nice topics for self analysis, I personally loved the references to awe in everyday life and connection with the people around us. The program was quite difficult to accomplish in its entirety. Maybe it needs more rereads on my part, as I did feel more unbalanced than what was expected in the exercises, but I can still recognize the academic value of the experience.
PS: wonderful performance of the author, which also voiced the entire program.

[Alžběta · Rating 5 out of 5]

I must admit that, in my ignorance, I expected more or less a list of activities that are good for your nervous system, but this incredible book is so much more. Through various exercises and journaling prompts, Deb Dana teaches you how to understand and connect with your nervous system and train it to be more resilient. Highly recommended to everyone interested in their health and well-being.

[Claire W · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really useful exercises to connect with and have awareness of your nervous system in it's three phases. Deb Dana has a very soothing voice as she leads you through the gentle and curious befriending 'process'. As a therapist, I found this very helpful and interesting.

[Julia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent practical resource for attending to one's own nervous system using tools based on polyvagal theory, followed up by a soothing musical track and a fascinating interview between Deborah Dana and someone whose name I'm not finding referenced on the recording information.

[Jess T · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved listening to this but I want it in print so I can move through it slower and take my time with the exercises. It’s one of the clearest and most practical explanations of polygonal theory I’ve read. The delivery is gentle, compassionate, and accessible.

[Rachel B · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wasn’t able to finish this book because I could only find it on tape at the library and my poor old CD player in my truck died halfway through but what I read as SOOO good and I would definitely finish it if I can find a hard copy.

[Elizabeth Guzman · Rating 2 out of 5]

I started this book but it had too much jargon. I started taking notes but there was so much jargon that I soon lost interest and abandoned the book. Perhaps later on there would have been practical applications but I couldn’t get past the initial part.

[Brodie Scoffield · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just incredible. The neuroscience is fantastic, and the application is even better.

[Avalon · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5

[Missey Calcutt · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was mentioned on a podcast I enjoyed, but I just couldn’t get into the book. It’s very scientific and has some application, but just not for me.

[Magpie · Rating 5 out of 5]

So good I'm going back to the beginning and starting again