The groundbreaking book that breaks the silence of the male code.
Why do men fall out of love? It’s rarely a simple issue of attraction, sex, or money trouble. In this provocative no-holds-barred guide, Michael French brings unparalleled insight into the male psyche and reveals why so many men feel trapped, unhappy, or unfulfilled, and what women can do about it.
Based on interviews with men from all ages and walks of life this grippingly honest book illustrates why, when it comes to relationships, so many men feel “outgunned and outmatched” by women. Discover:
• The 4 relationship busters that lead couples to flounder and sink–the loss of intimacy / the quest for validation / the perfection impulse / the fading of attraction–and strategies for dealing with them head-on • Six key reasons why men fall out of love–from issues of identity, power, and fear to stereotypes about who they really are and what they want • The truth about men and (mis)communication–and ways for them to open up • Three questions a woman needs to ask a man before she becomes emotionally involved • The Relationship Audit–how couples can figure out what is driving them apart and find ways to mend their relationship
By finally bringing men’s true feelings to the surface, Michael French offers a dramatic new approach to understanding men and their hidden emotions. This guide illuminates the deeper reasons why men fall out of love and, more important, shows how relationships can be healed.
#1 Amazon best selling author Michael French graduated from Stanford University and Northwestern University. He is a businessman and author who divides his time between Santa Barbara, California, and Santa Fe, New Mexico. He is an avid high-altitude mountain trekker, as well as a collector of first editions of twentieth-century fiction.
He has published twenty-four books, including fiction, young adult fiction, biographies, and art criticism. His novel, Abingdon’s, was a bestseller and a Literary Guild Alternate Selection. His young adult novel, Pursuit, was awarded the California Young Reader Medal.
The Reconstruction of Wilson Ryder was published January 2013.
Mountains Beyond Mountains was published April 2013.
Mr. French seems to have a lot of rather misogynistic notions about women - but then it happens that a lot of men seem to as well. He attributes quite a bit of power and control to us that I'm not sure is actually valid - but then, I'm a woman and by definition I'm not going to understand why so often men do attribute so much power to us when we feel helpless and manipulated by just the type of actions and circumstances the men in this book describe. Still, I'm finding this book helpful because it gives a purely male view toward what causes relationships to fail, and that is what I was looking for in order to better understand my own present circumstances. I do not have to agree with all of what he says in order to gain insight and value from it. French does an excellent job of presenting a list of very well-illustrated reasons why men may have difficulty in relationships, and this information will help me to be more effective in my dealings with people of the opposite sex, as well as have empathy toward them and perhaps not be so likely to feel hurt by them. Understanding, respect, and open dialogue about the inner landscape that leads us to act and feel the way we do about others is the canvas on which he makes a case for more effective and ultimately satisfying relationships between men and women. After all, it's the inability of the sexes to communicate effectively that is at the root of most of our failures, and this is a point he makes rather well.
Reading this book led me to discover the attachment style theories. This in turn provides more insight into the problems that can develop when two people in a relationship do not understand their own motivations and issues, and are ignorant of certain important truths about themselves and their relationship partners due to realities that they perceive as flawed, unbelievable, or invalid.
Fortunately not all men are like the troubled ones described in this book. It is, however, a good guidepost for things to watch out for - because in the initial stages as related by the individual men who share their own stories, there were definite warning signs of the problems that would be likely to develop, if only their partners had been knowledgeable about the inability or difficulties that certain people have to develop and sustain close, successful, and ultimately satisfying partnerships. As much as I berated myself for being unable to discern what really lay behind my recent husband's dissatisfaction and rejection, I know now that I did all that I could. An entire realm of personal excavation and growth needs to be explored before he will ever be ready for a real relationship with anyone, including himself. And I can not do that for him.
I read this for bookclub but was surprised that I was intrigued by this book. I cannot really compare it to self help books because haven't read one before, but I do not think this qualifies as a self help book. For me it is a cross between Cosmopolitan magazine and He's Just Not That Into You (the movie, not the book). The book is setup as a bunch of short stories with the author's insights inserted throughout the stories. It was interesting to hear insights from a guy's perspective. The author included modern day movies, topics and pop culture to make comparisons and add evidence and support to his insights. Definitely was not a comical novel, nor was it preachy. I definitely think it is a book that you may not want to purchase for your personal library, therefore, I recommend checking it out at the library. This book deserves to be read once by all just to gain awareness that everyone has troubles and there are times when you cannot control situations. Personally cannot wait to discuss the novel in bookclub to see how others thought about it.