Goodreads helps you keep track of books you want to read.
Start by marking “Why We Can't Sleep: Women's New Midlife Crisis” as Want to Read:
Why We Can't Sleep: Women's New Midlife Crisis
Enlarge cover
Rate this book
Clear rating
Open Preview

Why We Can't Sleep: Women's New Midlife Crisis

3.83  ·  Rating details ·  2,318 ratings  ·  476 reviews
When Ada Calhoun found herself in the throes of a midlife crisis, she thought that she had no right to complain. She was married with children and a good career. So why did she feel miserable? And why did it seem that other Generation X women were miserable, too?

Calhoun decided to find some answers. She looked into housing costs, HR trends, credit card debt averages, and
Hardcover, 288 pages
Published January 7th 2020 by Grove Press
More Details... Edit Details

Friend Reviews

To see what your friends thought of this book, please sign up.

Reader Q&A

To ask other readers questions about Why We Can't Sleep, please sign up.
Popular Answered Questions
Jennifer Hi bbunny! There is a chapter "Single, Childless." I'm not sure I'd say there's any advice in it, though - more description of the…moreHi bbunny! There is a chapter "Single, Childless." I'm not sure I'd say there's any advice in it, though - more description of the struggles/challenges single, childless women face.(less)
Tanya Ehlert The author writes from a Gen X white CIS female perspective. She discusses some generalizations for CIS male Gen X cohorts and very lightly touches on…moreThe author writes from a Gen X white CIS female perspective. She discusses some generalizations for CIS male Gen X cohorts and very lightly touches on non-cis persons, but even saying that might be an exaggeration. (less)

Community Reviews

Showing 1-30
Average rating 3.83  · 
Rating details
 ·  2,318 ratings  ·  476 reviews

More filters
Sort order
Start your review of Why We Can't Sleep: Women's New Midlife Crisis
Elyse  Walters
Sep 13, 2019 rated it really liked it
Cant sleep?
Wonder about others sleeping habits?

The author primarily focuses on Generation X women....
but....if you find yourself awake in the middle of the night wont feel alone after reading this book!

Ha... I read this during the middle of the night.

Ada Calhoun did her research!!!
She interviewed thousands of women around the country.
We get insights about what concerns Generation X women......
single women - divorce women - women with or without children - women working three
Feb 09, 2020 rated it liked it
Shelves: nonfiction
3.5 stars

Self-help books have always been a bit of a hit and miss for me, which is why Im very selective when it comes to choosing books from this genre to read. Of course, first and foremost, the subject matter needs to be interesting and also relevant to my current situation on this count, Ada Calhouns newest book Why We Cant Sleep did deliver, however in some ways, it also fell a bit short of expectations for me.

As a member of Generation X (like the author herself), its refreshing to read
Jul 21, 2019 rated it it was amazing
I was lucky to receive an early copy of this book from Edelweiss. I have read a lot of books about women in today's society, but never one that examined the problem from a generational lens. I did my master's research paper on generations in the workplace, specifically the library, and it was really interesting to get a new perspective on it. Calhoun is a member of Generation X, and so the book focuses mostly on that generation, but there is plenty of context from the other generations as well. ...more
P.S.G. Lopes
Aug 08, 2019 rated it it was amazing
***I cannot believe I was blessed to read this AMAZING book before it was formally released. I was invited to read this book through #NetGalley. ***

Ada Calhouns Why We Cant Sleep has become my bible, my battle cry, my feminist go-to book for women my age. I got so much out of reading this book. The very second I picked up this book I literally absorbed each and every word and got angrier (in the best possible way), more passionate, and more dedicated to my own goals and missions.

I legitimately
"Boomers deserve full credit for blazing trails while facing unchecked sexism and macroaggressions and for trying to raise children while giving up their own dreams. But Gen Xers entered life with "having it all" not as a bright new option but as a mandatory social condition."

Confession: being born in 1981, this classifies me as a (very old) Millennial and not a Gen Xer. But I figure I had a crush on Zach Morris as a kid, so, you know, I'm close enough to Calhoun's target demographic to warrant
Alicia Bayer
Jan 24, 2020 rated it it was ok
I've finally finished this book, which is basically a pity dump for upper middle-class 40-something, privileged white women. Wow, what a lot of navel gazing and self absorption.

The author finished writing this book as she turned 42, which I don't even consider midlife (I guess I'm an optimist but I'm aiming higher than 84). I have a vivid memory of when I was 42. This memory rarely leaves me. I was sitting in an empty lobby in a children's hospital with my 6 month-old baby in my arms. Two
Jan 09, 2020 rated it really liked it
I loved Calhoun's book about wedding toasts. This one felt forced to me. I could not relate more to a book--I am gen x also struggling with sleep. But I am not sure the answers in here are right--or at least new. There's a lot in here about structural issues like fair pay and second shift stuff and a lot of personal stories. She points out that wine drinking has become this generation's self-help philosophy. This seems true, but I'm not sure it's unique to this generation. I appreciate her ...more
Terry ~ Huntress of Erudition
Jan 05, 2020 rated it really liked it
Every woman between 40 - 60 years old should read this book!
It is so well researched, realistic and affirming - for all of us who feel we should not be allowed to be happy unless we are living perfect lives, having it all and doing it all correctly, at all times.
Whew, such a relief not to be compelled to "self-help" in order to be perfect at everything - if we are feeling overwhelmed at times, maybe it's because that being overwhelmed is a sane response to what is happening in our lives right
Leslie Lindsay
Dec 02, 2019 rated it it was amazing
A searing exploration of stresses that keep GenX women up at night (literally and metaphorically), I raced through this book, which completely resonated.

So, so grateful to have received an early copy of WHY WE CAN'T SLEEP: Women's New Midlife Crisis (Grove Atlantic, 2020) by memoirist/journalist Ada Calhoun. I was feeling especially down the day it arrived--you know, that existential angst--and was immediately gleeful after reading the book's description: we are a group of women with outward
Sherri Thacker
Oct 15, 2019 rated it it was ok
You come to this place, midlife. You dont know how you get here, but suddenly youre staring 50 in the face! Yes this was me 6 years ago when i turned the big 5-0 and I knew this book was written about me. Especially with the title as I have not slept good in YEARS!! But this book is more about the facts of being in the Generation X group of women which according to this book, I miss it by a year since I was born in 1963. I found myself skimming large sections because I was losing interest. ...more
Mar 03, 2020 rated it it was amazing
This book hit a little too close to home. Ada Calhoun is part of Generation X - the one that came after the baby boomers, grew up the 1970s (I'd forgotten how flat out weird that was), dealt with their parents getting divorced, graduated out of college into a recession, went through another one, and had to deal with a society that kept insisting they could 'have it all.'

Calhoun does a good job of pulling together research from medical journals, sociology papers, popular culture and interviews
Erin Bartels
Oct 31, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Witty, well-researched, and full of compassion, Ada Calhoun's book about Gen X women's midlife crises/issues/concerns hits home. If you're a Gen X woman, you will find here someone who watched all the same TV shows, listened to all the same music, and had all the same fears as you did growing up. She'll show you how growing up in the 1970s and 1980s affects some of the things you may be facing now that you're in your forties. And she offers strategies for dealing with such varied things as ...more
Jan 12, 2020 rated it liked it
I think this book works best as a mirror, and wasn't as resonant for me because there are a lot of mirrors out there for me. The title is fairly misleading - there is nothing about sleep in this book, nor is the case made for Gen X midlife crises being particularly unique. Calhoun breaks (largely) cis, middle and upper class Gen X women's lives and concerns into chapters (eg relationships, career, finances) with a final synthesis chapter.

There is a lot of cited data in this book, and I
Jan 03, 2020 rated it it was ok
Parts of it made me angry. It is all about how Gen X women have it worse than women of any other generation, which is of course BS. If she had just focused on our challenges and not tried to make it a who had worst contest, it would have been great book. The challenges and differences were on point, but when she says - "and that's why ours is worse", I wanted to throw the book across the room.
Also, it was very white hetero upper middle class centric, and the lack of understanding of diverse
Mar 26, 2020 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Listening to other women's stories this year has given me confirmation, finally, that our expectations have been absurd. So many women I spoke with--objectively successful women--felt ashamed of their perceived failures.

What if we're not failures? What if what we've done is good? At any rate, maybe it's good enough.

I'm not a Gen X, but I am an older Millennial--one who graduated and got a job before the 2008 recession. I don't face a lot of the challenges faced by the women in this book, and yet
Jul 24, 2019 rated it really liked it
When it is hot as heck outside and there is nothing cool to do but reading as everything else makes you end up a sweaty mess, it is the perfect day for a speed reader.

I received a temporary digital Advance Reader Copy of this book from #NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

From the publisher, as I do not repeat the contents or story of books in reviews, I let them do it as they do it better than I do 😸.

When Ada Calhoun found herself in the throes of a midlife crisis, she thought that
Bruin Mccon
Nov 02, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: netgalley
Why Cant We Sleep is a non-fiction book made for Gen X women who, as the title implies, really need some shut eye.

I read an excerpt of this book in a magazine what feels like at least a year ago and I was very excited to get my hands on an advance review copy in exchange for an honest review. Honestly, this book rocks. Its the catharsis youve been waiting for!

Were the first generation of women raised from birth hearing the tired cliche having it allthen discovering as adults it is very hard
Margaret King
Feb 13, 2020 rated it it was amazing
Why We Can't Sleep: because we stayed up all night reading this book! This book spoke to me so much--and I recognize, at 41 (the same age as the author when she was writing it), I was among the intended audience--so, for me, it hit home in many ways, both personally and thinking back to what I experienced and observed growing up. Gen X is considered a forgotten generation--1 we almost never hear about because everyone has been talking constantly about Baby Boomers and Millennials. The ...more
chantel nouseforaname
I needed to read this, this past week was a little crazy, so it was necessary. Sometimes you feel like you're doing too much, giving too much away, expecting too much of yourself, etc. This just reminds you that you can do whatever you want and that it's important to put yourself first and not follow anyone's/society's rules for you. My problem with the book is that it's a little white feministy. However, it's whatever. It's a soothing, calming, marginally reaffirming read.
Nichola Gutgold
Jan 05, 2020 rated it liked it
A bit too whiny for my tastes, but the author makes many good points about why todays Gen X woman is overwhelmed. She quickly concludes on an optimistic note after bringing the reader through hundreds of negative pages. I dont highly recommend but if youre into these kinds of books about the current state of women, I recommend you read it. I dont completely agree with her, but that might be the optimist in me. ...more
Emily Banks
Rounding down. I nodded my head a lot and related to so much but it didnt go beyond that. Its a list of heres why were anxious and depressed which, shockingly, only served to make me feel more anxious and depressed. ...more
Mar 06, 2020 rated it really liked it
Shelves: read-in-2020
Obviously this book spoke to me because it was written FOR me. I absolutely, 100% meet the demographic (middle class, middle age (yikes) woman) and as such I related to a lot of it. . I have felt the pressure of being in the "sandwich" generation. Although some of it came off a bit whiny, it ends on a hopeful note ("Maybe you are a heroine worth rooting for"). I don't consider myself to be having a mid-life crisis by any means, and generally I am happy with the way my life is going. I sometimes ...more
Bonnie Goldberg
Feb 23, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Maybe now Ill sleep

Its not lost on me that I read chunks of Why We Cant Sleep while I couldnt sleep. But what I read has settled and calmed me. While some of the book isnt applicable to those of us experiencing midlife womanhood in Canada (thank you socialized medicine), Calhouns observations are keen (and funny) and her research extensive. Recommended for anyone trying to make sense of this stage of life - it may just help you sleep that much better.
Mar 05, 2020 rated it it was amazing
I dont know what to say about this book other than it was fabulously researched, written and laid out. I felt so, so affirmed and want to start a big ole book club with every gen x woman in my life to talk about the ways we resonate (or not) with the book. Thank you, Ada Calhoun. ...more
Jan 11, 2020 rated it really liked it
Shelves: own, arc

I was born in late 80's, so I am a Millennial!
And whaterver topics Ada Calhoun broached in this book, also relate to Millennials. Not only Gex X ladies. I loved every inch of it. It practically sang to me which I had not expected at all. But it was like a knowledge passed on to me that every woman will feel this in her life time no matter where is she born. That made me feel less alone perhaps. But a really astounding read.

Thanks to NetGalley for ARC in exchange of honest review.
Erin Logan
Jan 13, 2020 rated it it was amazing
I knocked this one down in two days. As a technical Millennial woman who feels I much more identify with GenX, this book really spoke to my soul. I needed this. This was definitely the right book at the right time for me.
Emily K.
Jan 09, 2020 rated it did not like it
This book is a dud. I can't help but feel like it would benefit from more historical, political, and economic context. Her "research" is largely anecdotal, from a sample population of ~200 women. It makes arguments like Gen X's experience of the challenger explosion contributes to them being helicopter parents, millenials are happier because they had Elmo. It wants to argue that the specificity of middle class Gen X misery is somehow more unique than the misery of anyone else in the year of our ...more
Aug 10, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Reading Why We Can't Sleep by Ada Calhoun felt like I was reading a biography of my own life. The main premise of the book examines that current life trajectories of women from Generation X (born 1965-1980). Women in Generation X are the first to deal with new expectations, due to the great strides achieved by women of earlier generations. For example, the ability to work outside the home and have children was normalized, but for Gen X women the expectation is that we WILL do both. As Calhoun so ...more
Nov 30, 2019 rated it liked it
Shelves: nonfiction
OUT TODAY, thanks to Grove Press and NetGalley for the ARC! I found Ada Calhouns Why We Can't Sleep highly readable and valuable as a Millennial woman. This nonfiction examination of Gen X women's experiences with aging and managing their middle-aged years was incredibly interesting. I found myself unable to put it down, perhaps because I craved a fuller (and more honest) understanding of real women's experiences. Calhoun's writing was engaging and entertaining, and she covers a good range of ...more
Nov 15, 2019 marked it as to-read
I'm dating myself by putting this on my to-read list, aren't I? (c;
« previous 1 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 next »
There are no discussion topics on this book yet. Be the first to start one »

Readers also enjoyed

  • The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse
  • What Rose Forgot
  • The Other Wife
  • Before and After: The Incredible Real-Life Stories of Orphans Who Survived the Tennessee Children's Home Society
  • The Twisted Ones
  • Cupid's Match
  • The German House
  • Let It Snow
  • Hole in My Life
  • Empire of Lies
  • Lady in the Lake
  • Untamed
  • Dragonfly
  • The Strange Ones
  • XYZ: One Man, Two Kids, Ten Devices and an Internet-Sized Generation Gap
  • Ulterior Motives
  • The World That We Knew
  • Save Me from Dangerous Men (Nikki Griffin, #1)
See similar books…
Award-winning journalist Ada Calhoun is the author of the NYC history St. Marks Is Dead, chosen by Kirkus and the Boston Globe as one of the best books of 2015; the essay collection Wedding Toasts I'll Never Give, named by W magazine one of the best 10 memoirs of 2017; and Why We Can't Sleep: Women's New Midlife Crisis, coming out January, 7, 2020.

Articles featuring this book

Need another excuse to go to the bookstore this week? We've got you covered with the buzziest new releases of the day. To create our list,...
30 likes · 7 comments
“We’re the first women raised from birth hearing the tired cliché “having it all”8—then discovering as adults that it is very hard to have even some of it.” 3 likes
“One of the main problems in making dreams come true? They cost money.” 3 likes
More quotes…