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Friars Club Encyclopedia of Jokes
A side-splitting collection of 2000 jokes from the best-known comedians and members of the infamous Friar's Club including Ellen Degeneres, Chris Rock, George Carlin, Jerry Seinfeld, Wanda Sykes, Jon Stewart, Johnny Carson, Phyllis Diller, and dozens more.
Need a laugh? How about 2000 of them? Hundreds of the world's best comedians provide jokes for every occasion and situation --lightbulb jokes, "he's so dumb . . . " jokes, mother-in-law jokes, dirty jokes, really dirty jokes, and more! Organized alphabetically by topic, the collection is perfect for browsing, searching for ice-breakers and pick-up lines, spicing up toasts, or adding a dose of humor to public speeches.
Includes an introduction by comedian Drew Carey!
Need a laugh? How about 2000 of them? Hundreds of the world's best comedians provide jokes for every occasion and situation --lightbulb jokes, "he's so dumb . . . " jokes, mother-in-law jokes, dirty jokes, really dirty jokes, and more! Organized alphabetically by topic, the collection is perfect for browsing, searching for ice-breakers and pick-up lines, spicing up toasts, or adding a dose of humor to public speeches.
Includes an introduction by comedian Drew Carey!
- GenresCollections
513 pages, Paperback
First published February 1, 2009
21 people are currently reading
65 people want to read
About the author
Barry Dougherty
8 books14 followersBarry Dougherty is the author of non-fiction books that highlight the humor and wit of celebrity roasts, standup comedy, and hysterical historic spots like the legendary Friars Club. And he never heard a joke he didn’t like–at least while in front of the person telling it. His humorous perspective on his own life’s journey plays out in essays that highlight his ability to find the lighthearted moments in everyday living. He's shared his work both in publications and as a contributing reader on the Living Out Loud: Writers Riff on Love, Sweat & Fears essay tour. He also presents his work in his one-man show entitled, "My Life In 5 Essays by Barry Dougherty."
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Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews
May 4, 2022
This is not going to get a review: I'll just let some of the content speak for itself.
Oh, and if you're feeling a little down, you're welcome to go through the quotes below to make your day! 😅😅😅
"A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished."
"A marriage license costs ten dollars down, and your income for life."
"Marriage is the only sport that requires the trapped animal to buy the license."
"I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always."
"If love is blind, then marriage is a real eye-opener!"
"First guy: I've got a big problem. I'm married to a wonderful cook, a marvelous lover, and the best-looking woman in town.
Second guy: So what's the problem?
First guy: Having more than one wife is illegal."
"Bigamy is having one wife two many. Monogamy is the same thing."
"My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met."
"Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die."
"First guy: I got this bottle of brandy for my mother-in-law.
Second guy: What a great trade!"
A woman from Texas and a woman from New York meet at a party. The woman from Texas says to the woman from New York, 'Hi! Where y'all from?'
The woman from New York replies, 'Where I come from we don't end our sentences with prepositions...'
So the woman from Texas says, 'Fine! Where y'all from, bitch?' "
"Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering."
"After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, 'You know, I was a fool when I married you.' And the husband replied, ' Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."
"When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is."
"The wise old man pointed out that it was impossible to judge the happiness of a married couple from observation alone. 'Some couples holds hands because, if they let go, they're afraid they'd kill each other.' "
"An extravagance is anything you buy that is of no use to your spouse."
"Woman to marriage counselor: 'The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.' "
"A husband is what's left of a man after the nerve has been extracted."
"A new bride gushed to her mother, 'My husband is very good to me. He gives me everything I ask for.' Her mother said, 'That only shows you're not asking for enough.' "
"I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize."
"I know a guy who loves wearing a dress so much that when he saw the movie Some Like It Hot, he thought it was a documentary."
"Whenever I feel like exercising, I lie down until the feeling passes."
"What's the definition of minor surgery? An operation performed on somebody else."
"I don't Make Jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts."
"My doctor has a great stress test. It's called 'The Bill'."
"What's the best way to stop a runaway horse? Bet on it."
"Often they hang the painting when they should hang the artist instead."
"I went to the bank and reviewed my savings. I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow."
"Sign above bank teller's station: To err is human, to forgive is not bank policy."
"He took my glasses off and said, 'Without your glasses, why, you're beautiful. I said, 'Without my glasses, you're not half bad either."
"A guy calls the hospital. He says, 'You gotta send help! My wife's going into labor!
The nurse says, 'Calm down. Is this her first child?'
He says, 'No! This is her husband!' "
"The only difference between California and yogurt is that yogurt has active culture."
"What a horrible car accident. I had the right of way, but the other guy had the truck."
"The wheel was man's greatest invention until he got behind it."
"Nothing depreciates your car so fast as a new model in your neighbor's garage."
"Insanity is hereditary - you get it from your children."
"In America there are two classes of travel: first class, and with children."
"I've got nothing against kids. I just follow the advice on every bottle in my medicine cabinet: 'Keep away from children.' "
"My husband says I treat him like he's a god; every meal is a burnt offering."
"Eating her cooking is like playing Russian roulette. I never know which meal is going to kill me."
"Reality is the only obstacle to happiness."
"I don't believe in astrology. But then I'm an Aquarius, and Aquarians don't believe in astrology."
"How many of you ever started dating someone 'cause you were too lazy to commit suicide?"
"There are two things we're sure of: death and taxes. Now, if only we could get them in that order!"
"I'm desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets."
"When I die, I want to go like my grandfather... in his sleep. Not screaming like the other passengers in his car."
"This biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books - how not to eat what you've just learned how to cook."
"Why do divorces cost so much? Because they're worth it."
"John: How can I lose twelve pounds of ugly fat?
Doctor: Cur your head off."
"All my doctor does is send me to see other doctors. I don't know if he's really a doctor or a booking agent."
"This guy's not an ordinary, garden-variety drunk. Far from it. Last year he donated his body to science, and he's preserving it in alcohol until they can use it..."
"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."
"The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy."
"I went to a store and asked to see something cheap in a dress. The saleswoman said, 'The mirror is to the left.' "
"There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it."
"How many doctors does it take to change a lightbulb? It depends on what kind of insurance the bulb has."
"Juries scare me. I don't want to put my fate in the hands of twelve people who weren't even smart enough to get out of jury duty."
"Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties."
"A car is useless in New York; essential everywhere else. The same with good manners."
"A good listener is generally thinking about something else."
""
"Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house."
"In Hollywood all marriages are happy. It's trying to live together afterward that causes all the problems."
Oh, and if you're feeling a little down, you're welcome to go through the quotes below to make your day! 😅😅😅
"A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished."
"A marriage license costs ten dollars down, and your income for life."
"Marriage is the only sport that requires the trapped animal to buy the license."
"I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always."
"If love is blind, then marriage is a real eye-opener!"
"First guy: I've got a big problem. I'm married to a wonderful cook, a marvelous lover, and the best-looking woman in town.
Second guy: So what's the problem?
First guy: Having more than one wife is illegal."
"Bigamy is having one wife two many. Monogamy is the same thing."
"My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met."
"Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die."
"First guy: I got this bottle of brandy for my mother-in-law.
Second guy: What a great trade!"
A woman from Texas and a woman from New York meet at a party. The woman from Texas says to the woman from New York, 'Hi! Where y'all from?'
The woman from New York replies, 'Where I come from we don't end our sentences with prepositions...'
So the woman from Texas says, 'Fine! Where y'all from, bitch?' "
"Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering."
"After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, 'You know, I was a fool when I married you.' And the husband replied, ' Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."
"When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is."
"The wise old man pointed out that it was impossible to judge the happiness of a married couple from observation alone. 'Some couples holds hands because, if they let go, they're afraid they'd kill each other.' "
"An extravagance is anything you buy that is of no use to your spouse."
"Woman to marriage counselor: 'The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.' "
"A husband is what's left of a man after the nerve has been extracted."
"A new bride gushed to her mother, 'My husband is very good to me. He gives me everything I ask for.' Her mother said, 'That only shows you're not asking for enough.' "
"I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize."
"I know a guy who loves wearing a dress so much that when he saw the movie Some Like It Hot, he thought it was a documentary."
"Whenever I feel like exercising, I lie down until the feeling passes."
"What's the definition of minor surgery? An operation performed on somebody else."
"I don't Make Jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts."
"My doctor has a great stress test. It's called 'The Bill'."
"What's the best way to stop a runaway horse? Bet on it."
"Often they hang the painting when they should hang the artist instead."
"I went to the bank and reviewed my savings. I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow."
"Sign above bank teller's station: To err is human, to forgive is not bank policy."
"He took my glasses off and said, 'Without your glasses, why, you're beautiful. I said, 'Without my glasses, you're not half bad either."
"A guy calls the hospital. He says, 'You gotta send help! My wife's going into labor!
The nurse says, 'Calm down. Is this her first child?'
He says, 'No! This is her husband!' "
"The only difference between California and yogurt is that yogurt has active culture."
"What a horrible car accident. I had the right of way, but the other guy had the truck."
"The wheel was man's greatest invention until he got behind it."
"Nothing depreciates your car so fast as a new model in your neighbor's garage."
"Insanity is hereditary - you get it from your children."
"In America there are two classes of travel: first class, and with children."
"I've got nothing against kids. I just follow the advice on every bottle in my medicine cabinet: 'Keep away from children.' "
"My husband says I treat him like he's a god; every meal is a burnt offering."
"Eating her cooking is like playing Russian roulette. I never know which meal is going to kill me."
"Reality is the only obstacle to happiness."
"I don't believe in astrology. But then I'm an Aquarius, and Aquarians don't believe in astrology."
"How many of you ever started dating someone 'cause you were too lazy to commit suicide?"
"There are two things we're sure of: death and taxes. Now, if only we could get them in that order!"
"I'm desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets."
"When I die, I want to go like my grandfather... in his sleep. Not screaming like the other passengers in his car."
"This biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books - how not to eat what you've just learned how to cook."
"Why do divorces cost so much? Because they're worth it."
"John: How can I lose twelve pounds of ugly fat?
Doctor: Cur your head off."
"All my doctor does is send me to see other doctors. I don't know if he's really a doctor or a booking agent."
"This guy's not an ordinary, garden-variety drunk. Far from it. Last year he donated his body to science, and he's preserving it in alcohol until they can use it..."
"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."
"The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy."
"I went to a store and asked to see something cheap in a dress. The saleswoman said, 'The mirror is to the left.' "
"There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it."
"How many doctors does it take to change a lightbulb? It depends on what kind of insurance the bulb has."
"Juries scare me. I don't want to put my fate in the hands of twelve people who weren't even smart enough to get out of jury duty."
"Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties."
"A car is useless in New York; essential everywhere else. The same with good manners."
"A good listener is generally thinking about something else."
""
"Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house."
"In Hollywood all marriages are happy. It's trying to live together afterward that causes all the problems."
December 4, 2009
Need your funny bone tickled? Well, look no further because it will start with a smile, then a snigger and before you know it you are laughing out loud! Packed with over two thousand jokes, funny stories, and put-downs The Friars Club Encyclopedia of Jokes is a must-have for anyone with the need to feed their humor addiction.
Although the Friars Club has been roasting celebrities since 1950, Drew Carey holds the dubious honor of being the first to have his roast televised. He provides a witty, no-nonsense introduction to the book. Continuing in this same style, the book provides oodles of entertainment for the not-so faint-hearted. Page after page there is humor abound by literally hundreds of stars including Jack Benny, Dave Berry, George Carlin, Wanda Sykes, Red Skelton, Billy Crystal, Bob Newhart, Jerry Seinfeld, Jeff Foxworthy, Betty White, Lewis Black and Art Linkletter.
Each joke, from the subtle to the racy, is categorized by topic for ease in finding just the right one to break the ice at your next party or to open your next speech.
The Friars Club Encyclopedia of Jokes has a ton of highly amusing and at times side-splitting material for the mature audience. Barry Dougherty and H. Aaron Cohl have done a first-rate job of compiling and organizing it for browsing. There is even an index in the back of the book so you can search by celebrity if you prefer. I recommend you pick up this book for a great pick-me-up
This review was written for Armchair Interviews at www.armchairinterviews.com
Although the Friars Club has been roasting celebrities since 1950, Drew Carey holds the dubious honor of being the first to have his roast televised. He provides a witty, no-nonsense introduction to the book. Continuing in this same style, the book provides oodles of entertainment for the not-so faint-hearted. Page after page there is humor abound by literally hundreds of stars including Jack Benny, Dave Berry, George Carlin, Wanda Sykes, Red Skelton, Billy Crystal, Bob Newhart, Jerry Seinfeld, Jeff Foxworthy, Betty White, Lewis Black and Art Linkletter.
Each joke, from the subtle to the racy, is categorized by topic for ease in finding just the right one to break the ice at your next party or to open your next speech.
The Friars Club Encyclopedia of Jokes has a ton of highly amusing and at times side-splitting material for the mature audience. Barry Dougherty and H. Aaron Cohl have done a first-rate job of compiling and organizing it for browsing. There is even an index in the back of the book so you can search by celebrity if you prefer. I recommend you pick up this book for a great pick-me-up
This review was written for Armchair Interviews at www.armchairinterviews.com
July 13, 2022
Fun book. Many classic jokes I've heard before in some form or fashion. With many never heard jokes. Large book of 512 pages. Would recommend. (should be aware that "Blue" jokes very common)
February 7, 2014
Joke books are an interesting read. I had heard these jokes before, but it neat seeing them annotated or credited or just to understand that they've been around a long time. I'm a fledgling stand-up comic and reading these jokes really helps me understand comedy and humor. I like that these books were organized by topic too, there were a wide range of comics and issues jokes about. A good pickup!
September 3, 2019
Some good jokes
Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews