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A Girl's Guide to Vampires (Dark Ones #1)

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3.71  ·  Rating details ·  11,640 Ratings  ·  627 Reviews
A Girl’s Guide to Vampires is the first book in New York Times and USA Today bestselling author Katie MacAlister’s wonderfully winning Dark Ones series—a perfect blend of sexy and fun that every devoted fan of Lynsay Sand’s popular Argeneau vampire books will want to sink their teeth into. The story of a desperate ghost hunter who stumbles across a dashing bloodsucker who’ ...more
Paperback, 374 pages
Published November 1st 2003 by Love Spell (first published October 28th 2003)
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 ⚔ Sh3lly - Cranky Crone of Rabid Hedgehogs and Fire Breathing Kittens ⚔


Wow, this is boring. I've been trying to read this since January and I am officially giving up. I like Katie MacAlister. She's a good writer. I liked You Slay Me. But this one just didn't work for me.

Too much sitting around making cutesy jokes about the skinny BFF's fast metabolism and the MC not getting laid. Not enough VAMP action. I mean, come on, I thought I was getting a vampire book. They don't even KNOW if any of the male characters ARE vampires for sure and that was after 146 pages. DNF.
...more
chucklesthescot
Apr 07, 2010 rated it did not like it
I didn't get far with this book at all.The story sounded good-a couple of American friends who love vampires decide to go to the setting of their favourite books to see if the vampires actually exist. I thought this sounded fun but the two idiot vacant headed bitches and their stupid comments all the time really bugged me. They were immature and annoying with all their playground taunts. I was waiting for 'You smell!' 'No YOU smell WORSE poopy pants!' or something similar! And then the caveman b ...more
VampireNovelFan
The title is false advertising! If you want an actual satisfying VAMPIRE story, this ain't the book to quench that thirst. You will be waiting and waiting and waiting for actual vampire action...and then the book ends. I tried really hard to get into this plot, but by the 50% mark it took a complete nose dive for me and never recovered.

Between the insufferable main character and her b-f-f, their utter stupidity, the unfunny dialog, the lame plot lines, the ridiculous NON-VAMPIRIC sex scenes...I
...more
Inara
Title of the German edition:
Blind Date mit einem Vampir

As much as I love Katie MacAlisters "Aisling Grey – Guardian"-Series I cant say the same about this book. I didnt like the heroine Joy and her best friend Roxy very much. I kow this book and the constant bickering between the two friends is supposed to be funny but thats just not my sense of humor. I wished sometimes Joy would just shut up and go on with her investigation because the plot per se wasnt uninteresting.
Okay, there were some funn
...more
Morgan
Mar 15, 2010 rated it did not like it
Katie MacAlister’s A Girl’s Guide to Vampires is to put it mildly a disappointment. The transparent plot, one-dimensional characters and simple story form a perfect trinity of hackneyed and trite elements to take this novel crashing down. The writing style was okay until the reader gets to sentences like “The cheerleading team in my nether parts kicked into overdrive,” or “ ‘You’re going to be the death of me,’ ‘I’m not going to kill you baby. Just take you to heaven and back.’ Oh Lord did he!” ...more
Sarah
May 19, 2010 rated it really liked it
I absolutely loved this book - it had me laughing out loud from practically the first page. I'm just glad I wasn't reading it in public or I'd have received no end of strange looks. I just can't wait to read the next book in the series.

Joy & her friend Roxy are both hopeless when it comes to love so they ask for assistance from a wiccan friend to find their true loves. Miranda's prediction for Roxy is quite straightforward - she'll find her true love within a month. However, when it comes to
...more
Heather  book whore & shifter slut extrordinaire
This book was totally a 5***** star read for me! FUNNY as hell and I think I probably laughed in my head every second page and out loud at least once a chapter. The heroine and ber crazy sidekick - best friends who can tell each other anything and call each other on anything - have very interesting senses of humor and both use them defence when they are nervous or uncomfortable. Although sometimes Joy was just plain lippy!

Raphael is your true alpha male - domineering and possessive and protectiv
...more
Sarah Dizon
Wow, I don't even know where to begin my review of A Girl's Guide to Dating Vampires. I thought I was completely over the whole vampire train because I have been bored with most of the vampire books I've read, but I guess I was just missing something. Katie MacAlister has totally changed that for me. I've already got the second book in the series on hold at the library. I think the best part of it was that it didn't completely revolve around vampires, and the vampires didn't make a large appeara ...more
Anita
Mar 07, 2008 rated it liked it
The is the first book of Katie MacAlister's Dark Ones series. It's a wacky contemporary paranormal romance that spoofs Christine Feehan's Carpathians series, but in a friendly sort of way. I've also been reading MacAlister's Aisling Gray Gardian series, and all MacAlister's heroines seem to be impervious to embarrassment, even as they charge ahead with foolish actions. They are brazen women and yet strangely endearing, quirky characters. I've also noticed that the "mysteries" in her books withho ...more
Ruby
Aug 12, 2008 rated it it was ok
Honestly, I wasn't really stirred one way or another when I was reading the book - it was a way to pass the time at work. The obvious spoof on Christine Feehan's Carpathian novels was funny (because you know how formulaic those are), but the two main female characters irritated the absolute ever-loving shit out of me. I could tell Katie MacAlister was going for the type of wisecracking camraderie and pull-no-punches tell it like it is antics that other writers have done much better, but Katie di ...more
Krissy
That was painful.
graveyardgremlin (formerly faeriemyst)
A Girl's Guide to Vampires was a nice and pleasant surprise. While I do get tired of Katie MacAlister's same heroine in every book I read, I could tolerate Joy more that most others. But lord can they be moronic, and not in a good way. I do wish she could expand her female leads to be different in both of their physical and mental aspects, and not be the same old monotonous ones over and over again. Always my gripe.

Now on to the rest of the book...
The storyline was interesting, there was some hi
...more
Bark
Dec 14, 2009 rated it it was ok
Shelves: romance
Hmmm, maybe it's my mood but I'm finding the heroine in this book snarky and immature as opposed to "witty" and "fun" as I've seen her described elsewhere. Maybe I'm just a grouch but she's managed to lampoon Wiccan's and Goth's and romance reader's in a way that is more insulting than hysterical. Or maybe I've gone and lost my sense of humor again.

Later: I'm throwing in the towel at 100 pages. I'm just not finding this funny, the heroine is idiotic and so is her best friend who runs off to East
...more
Monica
Aug 27, 2010 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: reviewed
This book is about a women and her friend traveling to a foreign country in search of the soul mates their witch friend predicted they would find. MacAlister's writing is smooth, witty, and freaking hilarious. I laughed out loud on so much of the dialogue and especially some of the monologue of the main character. The plot was strong, the romance was extra steamy, and the characters were wonderful. MacAlister has a strong command over vocabulary either, I loved the fact that she has written a ro ...more
Samantha wickedshizuku Tolleson
Dec 24, 2009 rated it it was ok
Recommends it for: Paranormal Romance fans
Recommended to Samantha wickedshizuku by: Goodreads
What is this tripe? I thought that this was supposed to be about vampires! It's implied in the title so why? Why!?!
 photo tumblr_lr7zkhcWH91qacqyoo1_400_zps1d124d79.gif
Amanda
Dec 18, 2007 rated it it was amazing
a really good book...kinda of like twilight love triangle exept she falls in love with jacob instead of edward (that is not their real names in the story)and he is not wa werewolf...just a regular human! Oh and this book has some very detailed "dirty" parts that i had no clue were in there so...be sophisticated!
Mel (booksandsundry)
Twaddle. Absolute twaddle.
Jennifer
Finally I have read the first one in the Dark Ones series. I hate reading books out of order and for some reason I started with the second book with this series. With how the first book ends I have the strong urge to pick up the second book again and find out what went on again.

In this book we have the adventures of Joy and Roxy in the Czech Republic. They are spending two weeks there looking for A Dark One (Vampire) and checking the local sites. They luck out (don't characters in books always
...more
Holly
Apr 25, 2009 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: 2009
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Paige
Aug 19, 2011 rated it it was ok
Shelves: 2011-books
It took me a while to get into this book. It was really long and felt like I would never finish it.

The story follow Joy Randall and her friend Roxy as they take a trip to Czech Republic. After their friend's vision that they will meet and Joy will be a Beloved to a vampire, they begin suspecting multiple men of being a vampire at the local fair.

I didn't care for the introduction of so many characters, but I did come to really like Raphael St. John and Christian J. Dante.

As a relationship bloom
...more
Audrey
Jul 23, 2013 rated it it was ok
I really wanted to like this book. The story line has so much potential, as do the supporting characters. The protagonist, Joy, however, does not. I could not relate to or sympathize with her in the least. To put it bluntly, she's an idiot and I wanted to slap her...often. Her melodrama had me rolling my eyes throughout the book. I found it difficult to finish the book and as a result I would be hard pressed to read anything else by this author.
 ♥ Rainy Day Reader ♥
I originally gave this book 5 stars and marked it as one of my favorites when I read it 4 years ago. I guess the hundreds of books I've read since then have raised the bar a bit because I found both Joy and Roxy extremely annoying through most of the book. I guess as an introduction to the series it was okay. Most first books kinda suck. I only gave it 3 stars because I did enjoy the ending. Without that it would have gotten 2.
Amelie
Aug 01, 2012 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
... ist der typische Erotik Vampir Roman mit Humor. Starke Heldin, die nur durch das unglaublich gutaussehende Objekt ihrer Begierde schwach wird. Jede Menge ab und an doch recht flache Witze und eine Menge Erotik. In diesem Fall vor allem Gedanken an diese. Auch wenn ich Joy doch recht sympathisch fand, war das Buch leider ganz genau wie man das erwarten würde und konnte mich jetzt nicht überzeugen. Schade eigentlich...

Das ist wohl auch einfach nicht mein Genre *seufz*
Angela
Nov 03, 2013 marked it as tbr-lost-interest  ·  review of another edition
18 March 2015: $0.99 on Kindle

10/27/2014: $1.99 on Kindle
Jamie Campbell
Sep 21, 2014 rated it liked it
it didn't end how I wanted it to!!!
Veronica Belmont
Feb 25, 2014 rated it it was ok
Shelves: vaginal-fantasy
Thoughts on Vaginal Fantasy tonight.
Sarah ❤️ Not Just Romance Novels ❤️
3.5 Stars

I have never been much of a fan of paranormal stories. I mean, I like ghost stories, but vampire stuff has never held much interest for me. I never read Twilight (I couldn't get over the whole sparkly thing); but I did read Anne Rice in high school and I did enjoy those. When this author came up for the challenge for October I thought it was fitting, being October a paranormal romance author fit the bill. I have never read her work before, and I really did like it!

This wasn't sparkly, t
...more
Melanie Page
May 25, 2009 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: audiobooks
This review was originally published at Grab the Lapels! Please click the link for some fun GIFs I included in my review that are not here on Goodreads.

A Girl’s Guide to Vampires (2003) by Katie MacAlister is a laugh-out-loud funny introduction to the world of “Dark Ones” — that is, vampires — and the rules about them (which are somewhat different from your typical vampire read). You’ll get many steamy scenes with descriptions of sex (almost entire in euphemisms), so hold on tight!

The novel is n
...more
J
Super hot vampire aka dark one, laugh out loud hilarious h, kept me still laughing 2nd time around., so did the followup books, making my way through series again.
Liliana Camarena
Aug 08, 2012 rated it did not like it
Recommends it for: no one
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
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Piles of books: Newbee alert 1 2 Aug 12, 2014 10:43PM  
Vaginal Fantasy B...: * Official Discussion Thread for A Girl's Guide to Vampires *SPOILERS* 103 634 Feb 25, 2014 04:20PM  
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5,088 followers
For as long as she can remember, Katie MacAlister has loved reading. Growing up in a family where a weekly visit to the library was a given, Katie spent much of her time with her nose buried in a book. Despite her love for novels, she didn't think of writing them until she was contracted to write a non-fiction book about software. Since her editor refused to allow her to include either witty dialo ...more
More about Katie MacAlister

Other books in the series

Dark Ones (1 - 10 of 11 books)
  • Sex and the Single Vampire (Dark Ones #2)
  • Sex, Lies and Vampires (Dark Ones #3)
  • Even Vampires Get the Blues (Dark Ones #4)
  • The Last of the Red-Hot Vampires (Dark Ones #5)
  • Zen and the Art of Vampires (Dark Ones #6)
  • Crouching Vampire, Hidden Fang (Dark Ones #7)
  • In the Company of Vampires (Dark Ones #8)
  • Much Ado About Vampires (Dark Ones, #9)
  • A Tale of Two Vampires (Dark Ones, #10)
  • The Vampire Always Rises (Dark Ones Book 11)

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“A compliment would be the last thing out of my mouth to a man who was so pigheaded that he could be served at a luau.” 33 likes
“Stay here til I come to fetch you."
I no longer recognize you in the Republic of Joy," I loftily informed him. "Our diplomatic ties are severed."
Unsever them," he growled, "or the Country of Raphael will be forced to declare your republic a protectorate."
Dictator," I muttered.
For life," he agreed.”
28 likes
More quotes…