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The New Topping Book

3.97  ·  Rating details ·  1,099 ratings  ·  69 reviews
Tens of thousands learned the emotional and ethical skills of BDSM topping from the first `Topping Book.` Now, in addition to the sage advice and good humor that made the first edition a classic, the authors tackle some of the issues that have come up for tops in the last six years: on-line domination, the challenges and rewards of `lifestyle` relationships, ensuring our ...more
Paperback, 2nd (revised & updated) Edition, 221 pages
Published March 1st 2002 by Greenery Press (first published March 1st 1996)
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Average rating 3.97  · 
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 ·  1,099 ratings  ·  69 reviews


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Anya (~on a semi-hiatus~)
Jan 31, 2017 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Recommended to Anya (~on a semi-hiatus~) by: The Reddit BDSMcommunity
I'm going to buy a paperback version of this book once I move out of my parents' place and put it on a bookshelf in my and the boyfriend's shared library. :")
Dani
Sep 02, 2015 rated it really liked it
So, I visited my kinky chosen-aunt again, and it was lovely, as always.

Definitely not a "how-to" book but validating, non-judgmental and delving into some important psychological depths. Loved the feminist perspective. It's a classic.
Aenea Jones
Oct 03, 2018 rated it it was ok
Shelves: read-nonfiction
I really tried to read this with an open mind.

I knew it would be hard, because to me, pain and pleasure are two distinct things. My body has one canal for pleasure, and another one for pain, and they are the exact opposite of each other.
So the idea of submissive people, who actually enjoy to be controlled, hurt and humiliated, and the concept of dominant people who enjoy controlling, hurting and humiliating others, for sexual pleasure on top of that, is downright harmful.
Yes, to me such
...more
OK
Sep 13, 2019 rated it liked it
This was a solid intro book to topping/dom dynamics — accessible writing, encouraging and non-judgemental language, a decent amount of nuance. It feels like Dossie and Janet are your kinky and occasionally problematic white lady aunties loud-whispering secrets to you in a movie theatre while making sure you’re on your shit with safer sex.

There are a lot of things missing in this book, especially re: BDSM with/for BIPOC. It was incredibly irritating to see the blurb mention folks of colour when
...more
Kim BookJunkie
I am not a member of the BDSM community, just someone who enjoys reading BDSM fiction. Since I enjoy reading BDSM romance and am open to learning about things that might enhance my personal life, I decided to check this book out. I did occasionally skim through the chapters that were not applicable to me or did not interest me yet I was careful to base my star rating solely on the material I did read.

This book was highly recommended by a knowledgeable couple in a 24/7
D/s relationship. It was
...more
Mark Stone
Jul 27, 2007 rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: tops, bottoms, switches, and anyone else interested in BDSM sexuality.
Shelves: sex
When my girlfriend and I took our questions about our burgeoning interest in BDSM to our more experienced friends in Washington D.C., they recommended that we start with this book, and it's sister The New Bottoming Book. The authors write with wit and compassion, making this a fun, sexy, and comforting read.

It's important to remember, however, that this isn't a 'how-to' manual. It won't tell you how to play BDSM games with your lover - at most, there are a few scenes you might find interesting.
...more
Beverly Diehl
Dec 01, 2015 rated it it was amazing
Excellent resource about topping for beginners that skims the various ways someone might want to top, what their responsibilities are to their bottoms, and a deeper look at the emotions that can be invoked playing this way. I had a lot of fun reading it, making the attached video review (https://youtu.be/dIuHyEtOrXg), and expect to be returning to it periodically. Highly recommended for both beginners, and for writers who want to include these kinds of scenes in their own work.

Leandra Vane
Jul 11, 2016 rated it it was amazing
This book gives a great foundation for being a confident, giving, and observant top and is a staple for any bdsm library. For a more detailed review, check out the post I wrote about this book on my blog The Unlaced Librarian: http://www.theunlacedlibrarian.com/bl...
Zuzka Jakubkova
May 30, 2016 rated it it was amazing
Very good guide on navigating the "dominating" part of D/S relationships. Great sections on communication and dealing with your own negative energy. Excellent chapters on toys. Note to self: must buy more blindfolds.
Lourdes Bernabe
Aug 03, 2013 rated it really liked it
I thought this book was a great introduction into the complex and diverse world of S/M. I would recommend this book to someone with no knowledge of the world and who wants to dive in one toe at a time.
Frynne
Jun 08, 2010 rated it really liked it
It totally changed my views on BDSM. A journey into the unknown darkness.
♆ BookAddict  ✒ La Crimson Femme
This is an okay book to start out with for new tops. Explains some of the situations which may throw a new Top into a spin.
Dean
Jun 09, 2019 rated it liked it
It's not a bad book. It's not. It's got lots of advice for beginner 'tops' in BDSM scenes, as well as useful information that someone new to D/S relationships or scenes might not know. There are stories, recommendations, etc. However, as usual I run into the stereotype that this book was written in a 'one size fits all' manner, and while broad topics were addressed (and, for the most part, healthily), I can't help but feel like this book didn't speak to me as a person. Maybe worth a read if you ...more
Malorie
Jul 12, 2018 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: self-help
BDSM through a very heavy lens focused on the S/M. I appreciate their efforts in writing this, however I found most of the content to be rather repetitive discussion of negotiation, awareness, and aftercare. It would probably be a good start for someone very new to the scene, but I found it to be less than helpful with a writing style that didn't really keep me interested either. This is not useful for people interested in or interested in learning more about D/s.
Jaina Bee
Nov 23, 2019 rated it really liked it
Everything by this writing pair has been a welcome and often-referenced addition to my sex ed section. This could use another update, as so much continues to evolve in the worlds of sexual diversity, however it still contains fundamentally vital information and encouragement.
Annie
I was very meh on this book. Someone else loaned it to me, so I figured I'd take a shot at it. I wasn't super impressed, to be honest. Granted, none of this was really new information to me, so unless you're an absolute beginner I'd suggest looking elsewhere. To be nit-picky, I found some of the "interludes" to be a little too purple-prosey for my taste. Also, the chapter on spirituality kind of threw me for a curve ball, and not in a good way. The book also seemed rather repetitive at times. ...more
Teo 2050
Contents

Easton D & Hardy JW (1996) (06:03) New Topping Book, The

Foreword
– revisioning
– what's changed?
– – the internet
– – D&S
– – more of us
– – language
– – BDSM
– – the interludes
– – we've changed too

Hello Again!
– yes, it's us again
– why we're writing this
– this is not a technical manual
– how we view BDSM
– how do you know you're a top?
– does there always have to be a top and a bottom?

01. What is it about Topping Anyway?
– building your hearth
– is all power the same?
– so what's in it for
...more
Alistair Hawthorne
Dec 03, 2018 rated it it was ok
I didn't know what I was expecting. I guess I was just curious.
If you don't know anything about BDSM relationships, then go ahead and knock yourself out. If you are acquainted with the scene or take part in it, don't bother, you likely know everything in the book already.
Pretty much everything in this book is common sense and obvious to me. There are some good insights or well-put thoughts, but an overwhelming majority of the book is filler content and repetition.
My issue is mainly the
...more
David Sullins
Jan 01, 2019 rated it really liked it
After really enjoying The Ethical Slut by Easton and Hardy, I wanted to read more by them so I got this without knowing what exactly was inside. This is not a BDSM how-to, it's more about issues like ethics, safety, and especially what's going on in the heads of tops and bottoms. If you want to learn to tie a dozen different kinds of knots, look elsewhere. But for what the book is, it's excellent.

I thought I was an open minded person who'd have no problems with the topics discussed in the book.
...more
Andi
I read this non-fiction, educational BDSM book along with another one that contrasted greatly. The other was like an encyclopedia with editorial comments. This one is written more like a journey through the thoughts and emtotions of the power exchange. The other was about the facts. This one is about the feels. I enjoyed both books but they do serve distinctly different purposes.

As other reviewers have said, this book is not a how to. There is practical advice but it's more filled with
...more
Juushika
(2.5 stars) A general overview of BDSM combined with life advice, low on technical details and not particularly demanding in tone--rather, playful and hopeful. Given that introductory tone, more concrete 101 info (ex. the anatomy of a scene) or more detail re: types of play (as explored in the Bottoming sibling-book) would be welcome. Some elements are poorly written and/or dated, like the unexamined emphasis on sex and roleplay and light emphasis on power dynamics, and the vaguely bizarre (and ...more
Shhhhh Ahhhhh
Sep 15, 2018 rated it it was amazing
This is a really good book. I'm sort of in a raw place after reading it, especially the end, so I probably won't be able to write coherently about it right now.

Top takeaways: Wanting to hurt people isn't necessarily bad and doesn't necessarily make you a bad person. BDSM can be a means of dealing with energy, impulses, and feelings that it is unsafe to express in'regular' life. BDSM is philosophically compatible with shamanic and spirit work as a form of releasing held trauma, changing
...more
Tal Lee
Jul 19, 2019 rated it really liked it
I had been wanting to read this book for years and wish I had read it as a young Top because what an intro text! I really appreciate the Tops rights and responsibilities (and the idea that being domineering does not equate domming). I also really appreciated the idea that BDSM is a collaborative experience and “ritualised codependency.”

Alas, after being in the community for some time now, most of the info presented has already been considered and integrated. Regardless, a great 101 text for
...more
Travis
May 29, 2019 rated it liked it
This is a solid book for someone newish to the BDSM kink scene. It's probably worth knowing that the book is chock-full of woo and incredibly dated. Having said that, BDSM and kink don't change much over time, so it's still very valuable. Easy to read and accessible. You can knock this one out in less than a day and feel as though you've learned something (assuming that you don't already have a lot of exposure to this information)

+feminist and intersectional
+thorough in investigating the various
...more
Mashiara
Sep 01, 2017 rated it liked it
Shelves: sachbuch
I read this book mainly because I wanted to understand top headspace better (yes, this is what I read as writing research), and I think it was possibly the wrong expectation for this book. While it is a solid book with many practical beginners' recommendations, I did not find a connection to the content, and thus, for me, ultimately reading the book did not give me any new information and it didn't give me a deeper understanding, either.
aleida moreno
Jun 07, 2019 rated it liked it
it’s fine, as someone who is usually on the flip side of this relationship dynamic it was an interesting read and led to some exploration of myself and my desires to top sometimes. listened to the audiobook and i feel like i do have to mention that the most jarring part was hearing the white author narrating use the N-word (it was once and still stirred up a lot)
Rachel
Nov 15, 2017 rated it liked it
Shelves: 2017
Really interesting, fairly comprehensive overview of ethics and communication skills for kinky relationships written by two queer (white) women, one of whom is also a therapist. I specify white because they make overtures to talking about race-related power dynamics and POC in the kink community, but don't get much farther than mere acknowledgement.
Gustave Blåbær
Sep 18, 2019 rated it really liked it
Really interesting book to learn about topping!
I enjoyed the familiar tone the writers use, it feels like these are two friends talking about something that they are passionate about!
Would recommend it.
rhodeswarrior
Jun 09, 2019 rated it really liked it
Great introduction (?) to what Dominance entails. I love the personal touch from the authors, it feels more like a personal 'one on one' verbal explanation instead of a book. Recommended if you're curious to find out more about (a subset of) BDSM
Pablo Martinez
Jun 29, 2019 rated it really liked it
Shelves: reality
A good, short and entertaining book.
Examining motivations, practices, techniques.
Giving sound advice and describing some fun experiences from the author's lives.

I liked it, and would recommend to anyone interested in topping/bottoming dynamics
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40 followers
Also published under pseudonyms Catherine A. Liszt and Lady Green.
“Empathy in BDSM presents a wonderful paradox: as tops in role, we are often called upon to present ourselves as cold, cruel and unfeeling, when in fact we are getting our rocks off on an empathy so profound that it can approach the telepathic. So we believe that, contrary to the opinions of the uninformed, consensual sadism, dominance and topping are primarily empathic activities.” 1 likes
“When we blame, we fail to shoulder our part of the burden; we project the responsibility for whatever is wrong onto another, usually to protect ourselves from feeling terribly guilty or anxious. When we blame, we also disempower ourselves – if it’s all your fault, then I must be impotent.” 0 likes
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