A Career Girl's Guide to Becoming a Stepmom: Expert Advice from Other Stepmoms on How to Juggle Your Job, Your Marriage, and Your New Stepkids – Real-Life Answers for the Professional Stepmother

by Jacquelyn B. Fletcher

You have an exciting, fulfilling job. You've fallen in love with the man of your dreams— and met his three kids! Now what? Jacquelyn B. Fletcher shows how any professional woman turned wife and instant stepmother can build on the skills she employs at work—organization, team-building, goal-setting, and planning—to succeed at home in her new role as stepmom. Drawing on the latest research, her own experiences, and those of other real-life stepmothers, Fletcher offers advice, hope, encouragement, and much-needed answers to common conundrums, including: A Career Girl's Guide to Becoming a Stepmom is essential reading for the professional woman who has it all—and then suddenly has more than she expected.

Genres: Parenting, Family, Nonfiction, Self Help

352 pages, Paperback

First published May 8, 2007

About the author

Jacquelyn B. Fletcher is an award-winning author. Her books include Climbing the Mountain: Stories of Hope and Healing after Stroke and Brain Injury (Fairview Press) and A Career Girl’s Guide to Becoming a Stepmom (HarperCollins).

Reviews

[Erin · Rating 5 out of 5]

A couple of weeks ago, I was walking by the nonfiction stacks of my library and saw this book out of the corner of my eye. A coworker had put it on display. I saw it and thought, "YES! Someone wrote a book for people like me!!" Most of the books I've seen, including the excellent book Stepcoupling: Creating and Sustaining a Strong Marriage in Today's Blended Family, focus primarily on stepfamilies where both spouses bring with them children from previous relationships. This is not me. So much of what these other books have to say is only partially relevant to my situation. Not so with Fletcher's book!

I have never thought of myself as "a career gal" in the fast-talking, high-powered executive sense of the word. I am, after all, a public reference librarian. It is not likely I will ever have to worry about making more money than my husband (an IT manager). But like the women in this book, I have been in the working world for years and had no children of my own when I married my husband. I cannot adequately verbalize how great it felt to find a book like this that speaks to my situation and focuses not just on the hardships but on the joys and the things you can do to improve your family life.

That is not to say that I identified with every situation mentioned. I have never, for example, felt marginalized by church members who didn't know how to adjust for stepfamily dynamics. That concept came as a surprise to me. However, practically everything else resonated with me, to one degree or another, and not only made me feel better about both my successes and failures as a new stepmom but gave me tools and tips for improving myself and my relationships. My only complaints are 1) that once in a while it feels a little redundant, and 2) that I didn't find this book 3 or 4 years ago. Oh, how it would have saved me so much stress and heartache the past few years! Ah well.

For readers' advisors: suggest this title to women in serious relationships with men who already have children. For that matter, it also works for women in serious relationships with other women who have kids.

[Amy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is probably the most comprehensive book on becoming a step-mom that I have found so far. The author wrote it because she felt there was a lack of literature about the topic yet there are so many women who marry men with children.

“Estimates suggest that 75 percent of divorced men remarry. 40 percent of all marriages include one partner who has been married before and 65 percent of remarriages include children from a pervious relationship.” P.7

It is directed at women who were previously single working ladies and decided to settle down with a man who already had children from a previous engagement, hence becoming a step-mom.

What I really like about this book is how it is set up. Each chapter has a section at the beginning that is the working girl’s personal assistant and includes tasks for the reader to do. Then each chapter is filled with anecdotes and personal stories from the author regarding everything from financial issues to the balancing act of being a friend and authority figure but not being a stepchild’s parent. The author is relatable and honest and never condescending.

I could relate to a lot of the stories about becoming a step-mom and I have lived less than a year in total with my step-child through the years I have been with my husband. It is always incredibly reassuring to read that others struggle with the same issues and this books achieves that. It is a super fast read and full of excellent advice for how to deal with issues that arise in blended families.

I recommend this book to anyone who is going to be a stepmom whether or not she was a working girl or not. I think it might be good for stepchildren (at a suitable age) and husbands of wives who are stepmoms so that they might understand what is going through the head of their stepmom/wife when things go down at home.

[Kelly Russell · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wish I'd read this four years ago. Some great advice in here. Also good to just hear other people's experiences as they meld their lives and families. It did get a little repetitive at times but overall I thought it was a good read and I related to pretty much all of it.

[Becki]

So, I am not really a �Career Girl� in terms of climbing the corporate ladder and such. Although I have had the opportunity to, my heart is for teaching. Not a large ladder there � and I certainly wouldn�t ever want to climb it to an administrator�s level. Yuck! Too much responsibility and not enough time with kids. \n\nHowever, that being said, there were still some really valuable tips and ideas and comfort to pull from this book. I do have skills that I have used in various jobs in this step-parenting thing � debate, organization, negotiation. And it is also important to not lose me in the step-mommying. I am still me. And I need to still pursue my interests and not just be wrapped up in homework, PTO, and chauffeuring kids around. Yes, I need to do that too, but to find the balance. \n\nAnd, at the end of the day, my marriage is about me and him. The girls, the ex-, etc. certainly all affect that. But what am I doing each and every day to invest in this relationship that will last long after the kids move out of the house. \n\nOf course, the book had some required venting as well. We step-mom�s all need to read/hear that every now and then to know we are not evil for having less than positive thoughts and feelings all the time. It allows us to let ourselves off the hook a bit.\n\nPractical, entertaining, easy (to read�not so much to implement all the time).\n

[Claire · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a great book. It talked about how your role as a girlfriend changes when you become a wife/stepmom and chats about a ton of issues you might come across. Some, like being jealous of the first wife, didn't apply. But there was even info on what to do when you are expecting a child of your own to merge into the stepfamily. And a big focus on how at work you may have control, but at home, you often don't. And it had good strategies for solving the problems, instead of just a discussion of how much it can sometimes suck to be a stepmom. In general it had a positive attitude about how to cope with the change, the time it takes to make the change, and how to go on to have a happy family life and a good relationship with your husband.

[Alison · Rating 3 out of 5]

Pros:
- There are interesting discussion questions at the end of each chapter
- The author doesn't fall into the "step-motherhood is the absolute hardest thing ever, but it's *so* worth it" refrain very much
- The underlying assumption is not that your step-children hate you
- It is not assumed that you want to have your own children

Cons:
- The book is a little short on actual advice for dealing with the strain caused by radically changing one's lifestyle to include their significant other's children
- It's hard to put my finger on why, but after reading it, I always felt a bit hostile - maybe because it reminded me of the negatives of the situation and it's better not to dwell on them

[Missy Olive · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is an interesting read. Jacquelyn is a great writer and the information is presented very professionally and organized.

I did not, however, find the information to be particularly ground breaking for me. Of course, I am 3 years in to my bonus-mom status so I've learned a lot along the way.

On the other hand, single girls who are considering a long-term relationship with a man and his kids may find this book and its contents beneficial.

I would like to point out that Jacquelyn has identified some pretty important topics for discussion: financial issues, single girl relationships, relationships with biological moms, the ex, and adding a new baby to the mix. But Jacquelyn's writing style is more serious and scholarly making it less fun to read.

[Wendy · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you are a career oriented woman and a step mom or considering dating a man with children, this is a must-read for you. If you are already in a stepfamily you'll identify with a lot of what the author is saying and you'll find yourself feeling relieved that someone had the courage to write about the conflicting feelings we experience as stepmoms. If you are thinking about dating a man with kids this book may shed light on what is to come and how to plan. As goal oriented women, we always want to feel like we have a plan and even though every situation is different this book helps you manage your fears by taking action. It is sort of a resource that can help make you feel empowered which you may forget when you are in uncharted territory.

[Allison Calcaterra · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've been living with my fiancé for about a year and we have his two kids half the time. Things have gone well, but I'm wanting to be more of a mom than I have been so far, and I want to take on more responsibility; not just be thought of as Dad's girlfriend. This book was helpful and made me feel less crazy about some of the difficulties I've had in going from single and living alone for several years to my life now. It got us to have some necessary conversations about our life ahead of us and I feel more confident in my abilities now.

[Liz · Rating 3 out of 5]

First book I've read about being a stepmom. It was set up in kind of an annoying way by drawing parallels between stepmotherhood and the business world. But there were some interesting pieces of information and so many times when I thought, "Huh. And here I thought I was the only one who felt this way." I also liked that the end of each chapter had a list of questions to talk about with your partner. Good content. Flaky set-up.

[Corin · Rating 2 out of 5]

Ladies if you are dating or married to a man with children from a previous marrage this is a great book! Gives you the proper techniques to do all the adjusting that you will have to do. This is up-to-date with the current times.

[Liz · Rating 4 out of 5]

A must read for anyone who is dating someone with children or considering becoming a stepmom. Helpful strategies, lots of stories, very engaging, and very positive. If you want to feel like you can do it, this is the book for you.

[Jennifer Frederick · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great advice for the stepmom. I found the book to be helpful and really capture the experience of being a stepmom. Written by a stepmom it is one of the top books I would recommend for a new stepmom.

[Kristin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Unlike a lot of books, this is really upbeat and positive. There is no ex-bashing, husband bashing, kid bashing. Fantastic for anyone about to become or already is a stepmom.

[Laure · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is my new BFF. It was just perfect.