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The Seinfeld Scripts: The First & Second Seasons
Jerry. George. Elaine. Kramer. We've followed their misadventures for nearly ten years on Thursday nights. Here, finally, are the scripts of the first two seasons that will take you back to the beginning of Seinfeld. Featuring the first 17 episodes ever aired, The Seinfeld Scripts contains all the great lines that have kept us laughing for the pilot episode, "The Seinfeld Chronicles," where it all began; George introduces his importer/exporter altar ego Art Vanderlay in "The Stakeout"; Kramer becomes obsessed with cantaloupe in "The Ex-Girlfriend"; Jerry and George meet Elaine's dad in "The Jacket"; is Jerry responsible for a poor Polish woman's death when he makes "The Pony Remark"?; Jerry and Elaine decide to become intimate again in "The Deal"; what will George do when he is banned from the executive bathroom in "The Revenge"?; and Jerry, George, and Elaine wait for a table in "The Chinese Restaurant." It's all the award-winning writing of Seinfeld, "the defining sitcom of our age". Created by Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld. My roommate has Lyme disease.
Lyme disease? I thought she had Epstein-Barr syndrome?
She has this in addition to Epstein-Barr. It's like Epstein-Barr with a twist of Lyme disease.
She calls me up at my office she says, "We have to talk."
The four worst words in the English language.
What a body. Yeeaaah...that's for me.
Yeah and you're just what she's looking for, too--a stranger, leering through a pair of binoculars ten floors up.
Lyme disease? I thought she had Epstein-Barr syndrome?
She has this in addition to Epstein-Barr. It's like Epstein-Barr with a twist of Lyme disease.
She calls me up at my office she says, "We have to talk."
The four worst words in the English language.
What a body. Yeeaaah...that's for me.
Yeah and you're just what she's looking for, too--a stranger, leering through a pair of binoculars ten floors up.
526 pages, Paperback
First published April 30, 1998
10 people are currently reading
372 people want to read
About the author
Jerry Seinfeld
32 books569 followersJerome Allen "Jerry" Seinfeld (born April 29, 1954) is an American comedian, actor and writer, whose style is often described as observational comedy. He is best known for playing a semi-fictional version of himself in the situation comedy, Seinfeld, (1989-1998), which he co-created, helped write and, in the show's final two seasons, executive produced. In his first major foray back into the media since the finale of Seinfeld, he co-wrote and co-produced the film Bee Movie, also dubbing the title role of Barry B. Benson. In February 2009, it was announced that Jerry Seinfeld will be participating in a reality TV series tentatively called Marriage Ref on NBC. Jerry is rumored to work behind the scenes, mainly operating as creator and executive producer, but may also make cameo appearances. Jerry is also going to be on an episode of the Starz Original series, Head Case. In March 2009, it was announced that Jerry and the entire cast of Seinfeld will be appearing on Larry David's HBO original series Curb Your Enthusiasm.
Seinfeld is known for his incredibly dedicated and devoted work ethic. He was ranked #12 in Comedy Central's list of the 100 Greatest Stand-ups of All Time.
Seinfeld is also a bestselling author, most notably for his book Seinlanguage. Released in 1993, the book went on to become a number one New York Times bestseller. The book, written as his television show was first rising in popularity, is primarily an adaptation of the comedian's standup material. The title comes from an article in Entertainment Weekly listing the numerous catch-phrases the show was responsible for.
In 2003, he wrote a children's book titled Halloween. The book was illustrated by James Bennett. There are also several books about both the sitcom and Seinfeld himself, though many of them are not written by Seinfeld.
Seinfeld wrote the forewords to Ted L. Nancy's Letters from a Nut series of books and Ed Broth's Stories from a Moron. Both authors were rumored to be pseudonyms for Seinfeld or a friend of his. Neither Nancy nor Broth have been seen publicly, although Seinfeld is heavily involved in pitching their books for television.
In promoting Broth's book, Seinfeld hosted a toast in the author's honor. Broth did not attend.
Seinfeld also wrote the foreword to the Peanut Butter & Co. Cookbook, from his favorite sandwich shop in New York City.
Seinfeld is known for his incredibly dedicated and devoted work ethic. He was ranked #12 in Comedy Central's list of the 100 Greatest Stand-ups of All Time.
Seinfeld is also a bestselling author, most notably for his book Seinlanguage. Released in 1993, the book went on to become a number one New York Times bestseller. The book, written as his television show was first rising in popularity, is primarily an adaptation of the comedian's standup material. The title comes from an article in Entertainment Weekly listing the numerous catch-phrases the show was responsible for.
In 2003, he wrote a children's book titled Halloween. The book was illustrated by James Bennett. There are also several books about both the sitcom and Seinfeld himself, though many of them are not written by Seinfeld.
Seinfeld wrote the forewords to Ted L. Nancy's Letters from a Nut series of books and Ed Broth's Stories from a Moron. Both authors were rumored to be pseudonyms for Seinfeld or a friend of his. Neither Nancy nor Broth have been seen publicly, although Seinfeld is heavily involved in pitching their books for television.
In promoting Broth's book, Seinfeld hosted a toast in the author's honor. Broth did not attend.
Seinfeld also wrote the foreword to the Peanut Butter & Co. Cookbook, from his favorite sandwich shop in New York City.
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Displaying 1 - 18 of 18 reviews
June 14, 2017
This is a dream book for everyone that (like me) is a total Jerry Seinfeld and Larry David aficionado. It has the scripts for all the episodes of season 1 and 2 of the hit tv-show from the 90's Seinfeld. The writting is so incredible that I found myself still laughing out loud even though I already know these lines by heart. What a treat. Just really wished there were more volumes with the other seasons. What a shame.
December 13, 2025
The Seinfeld Scripts by Jerry Seinfeld – this was one of the best comedy series ever, I am listening to Is This Anything these days and I get to hear many of the jokes from the show again – now for the plug: you can read or hear more than six thousand notes on films from The New York Times’ Best 1,000 Movies Ever Made and other lists, together with other thousands of reviews on magnum opera from The Greatest Books of All Time and other sites on my blog and YouTube channel https://realinibarzoi.blogspot.com/20... maybe you have an opinion, you could even subscribe
9 out of 10
Jerry Seinfeld must be terribly good to make even those who are not so sure about him enjoy the show, jokes, irony – he seemed arrogant, precious, superior – maybe he still does to me, and then a voice could explain – he has reason to be, multi-millionaire – maybe he has made a billion in the meantime – acclaimed…
He has had a stand up routine https://realinibarzoi.blogspot.com/20... - indeed, the Seinfeld episodes started, ended with segments on stage, where the hero would comment on social behavior, various crazy things people do – maybe you remember the one with the helmets
Sky diving is dangerous and could be deadly, the comedian speaks about the absurdity of putting on a helmet, for if anything happens, say a free fall, then ‘the helmet is wearing you for protection’, dark humor perhaps, but so accurate on this and other ‘analysis’, the dual zone climate control in the cars is another example
Surely a married man has invented this dual system, and then he mentions his spouse – quite often, he may try to get close to the status of the ultimate expert on relationships, John Gottman, who wrote the classic The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work https://realinibarzoi.blogspot.com/20...
If the spouse complains about freezing, or the heat, then she could dial up or down on the dashboard, except Seinfeld makes the good point that, in such a small place, it would be impossible to avoid mixing, and he makes it laughable by saying he has coffee and then black and cappuccino in the same cup, all at once
About happiness he may be less effective, though still amusing, in that he says in marriage, it is about the woman, which is good, because you (the man, he talks to his friends here, I think I remember) have now half the task, the man does not know about happiness, he only cares about what he does, he has nothing to do with merriment
Still, I would recommend one of the great books on positive psychology https://realinibarzoi.blogspot.com/20... such as The Science Behind your Smile by Daniel Nettle, aware that the comedian is there to make one laugh, not to lecture on positivity
Nevertheless, Harvard Professor Tal Ben Shahar has inserted in his class a fragment from Seinfeld and other shows, because he makes some great points, on trash at the movies, the movies themselves, actors – he talks at an award ceremony and says the prize is useless, but then he argues that comedians should be rewarded:
They are working on their material, as opposed to actors, who ‘have nothing in their head’ – words to that effect – all they have to do is pretend to be Fred Jones (he used another name, which I forgot) and it is ‘you say what we have told you to say’, and voila, they act as if they are senators from Krypton and get Oscars…not his words, again
Now for my standard closing of the note with a question, and invitation – I am on Goodreads as Realini Ionescu, at least for the moment, if I keep on expressing my views on Orange Woland aka TACO, it may be a short-lived presence
Also, maybe you have a good idea on how we could make more than a million dollars with this https://realinibarzoi.blogspot.com/20... – as it is, this is a unique technique, which we could promote, sell, open the Oscars show with or something and then make lots of money together, if you have the how, I have the product, I just do not know how to get the benefits from it, other than the exercise per se
There is also the small matter of working for AT&T – this huge company asked me to be its Representative for Romania and Bulgaria, on the Calling Card side, which meant sailing into the Black Sea wo meet the US Navy ships, travelling to Sofia, a lot of activity, using my mother’s two bedrooms flat as office and warehouse, all for the grand total of $250, raised after a lot of persuasion to the staggering $400…with retirement ahead, there are no benefits, nothing…it is a longer story, but if you can help get the mastodont to pay some dues, or have an idea how it can happen, let me know
As for my role in the Revolution that killed Ceausescu, a smaller Mao, there it is http://realini.blogspot.com/2022/03/r...
Some favorite quotes from To The Hermitage and other works
‘Fiction is infinitely preferable to real life...As long as you avoid the books of Kafka or Beckett, the everlasting plot of fiction has fewer futile experiences than the careless plot of reality...Fiction's people are fuller, deeper, cleverer, more moving than those in real life…Its actions are more intricate, illuminating, noble, profound…There are many more dramas, climaxes, romantic fulfillment, twists, turns, gratified resolutions…Unlike reality, all of this you can experience without leaving the house or even getting out of bed…What's more, books are a form of intelligent human greatness, as stories are a higher order of sense…As random life is to destiny, so stories are to great authors, who provided us with some of the highest pleasures and the most wonderful mystifications we can find…Few stories are greater than Anna Karenina, that wise epic by an often foolish author…’
9 out of 10
Jerry Seinfeld must be terribly good to make even those who are not so sure about him enjoy the show, jokes, irony – he seemed arrogant, precious, superior – maybe he still does to me, and then a voice could explain – he has reason to be, multi-millionaire – maybe he has made a billion in the meantime – acclaimed…
He has had a stand up routine https://realinibarzoi.blogspot.com/20... - indeed, the Seinfeld episodes started, ended with segments on stage, where the hero would comment on social behavior, various crazy things people do – maybe you remember the one with the helmets
Sky diving is dangerous and could be deadly, the comedian speaks about the absurdity of putting on a helmet, for if anything happens, say a free fall, then ‘the helmet is wearing you for protection’, dark humor perhaps, but so accurate on this and other ‘analysis’, the dual zone climate control in the cars is another example
Surely a married man has invented this dual system, and then he mentions his spouse – quite often, he may try to get close to the status of the ultimate expert on relationships, John Gottman, who wrote the classic The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work https://realinibarzoi.blogspot.com/20...
If the spouse complains about freezing, or the heat, then she could dial up or down on the dashboard, except Seinfeld makes the good point that, in such a small place, it would be impossible to avoid mixing, and he makes it laughable by saying he has coffee and then black and cappuccino in the same cup, all at once
About happiness he may be less effective, though still amusing, in that he says in marriage, it is about the woman, which is good, because you (the man, he talks to his friends here, I think I remember) have now half the task, the man does not know about happiness, he only cares about what he does, he has nothing to do with merriment
Still, I would recommend one of the great books on positive psychology https://realinibarzoi.blogspot.com/20... such as The Science Behind your Smile by Daniel Nettle, aware that the comedian is there to make one laugh, not to lecture on positivity
Nevertheless, Harvard Professor Tal Ben Shahar has inserted in his class a fragment from Seinfeld and other shows, because he makes some great points, on trash at the movies, the movies themselves, actors – he talks at an award ceremony and says the prize is useless, but then he argues that comedians should be rewarded:
They are working on their material, as opposed to actors, who ‘have nothing in their head’ – words to that effect – all they have to do is pretend to be Fred Jones (he used another name, which I forgot) and it is ‘you say what we have told you to say’, and voila, they act as if they are senators from Krypton and get Oscars…not his words, again
Now for my standard closing of the note with a question, and invitation – I am on Goodreads as Realini Ionescu, at least for the moment, if I keep on expressing my views on Orange Woland aka TACO, it may be a short-lived presence
Also, maybe you have a good idea on how we could make more than a million dollars with this https://realinibarzoi.blogspot.com/20... – as it is, this is a unique technique, which we could promote, sell, open the Oscars show with or something and then make lots of money together, if you have the how, I have the product, I just do not know how to get the benefits from it, other than the exercise per se
There is also the small matter of working for AT&T – this huge company asked me to be its Representative for Romania and Bulgaria, on the Calling Card side, which meant sailing into the Black Sea wo meet the US Navy ships, travelling to Sofia, a lot of activity, using my mother’s two bedrooms flat as office and warehouse, all for the grand total of $250, raised after a lot of persuasion to the staggering $400…with retirement ahead, there are no benefits, nothing…it is a longer story, but if you can help get the mastodont to pay some dues, or have an idea how it can happen, let me know
As for my role in the Revolution that killed Ceausescu, a smaller Mao, there it is http://realini.blogspot.com/2022/03/r...
Some favorite quotes from To The Hermitage and other works
‘Fiction is infinitely preferable to real life...As long as you avoid the books of Kafka or Beckett, the everlasting plot of fiction has fewer futile experiences than the careless plot of reality...Fiction's people are fuller, deeper, cleverer, more moving than those in real life…Its actions are more intricate, illuminating, noble, profound…There are many more dramas, climaxes, romantic fulfillment, twists, turns, gratified resolutions…Unlike reality, all of this you can experience without leaving the house or even getting out of bed…What's more, books are a form of intelligent human greatness, as stories are a higher order of sense…As random life is to destiny, so stories are to great authors, who provided us with some of the highest pleasures and the most wonderful mystifications we can find…Few stories are greater than Anna Karenina, that wise epic by an often foolish author…’
March 6, 2009
I got this book for my father because even though he can recite ALL of the shows by heart it makes him sooo happy to read the words and talk about how FUNNY and universal the humor is. That's right. You learned that Shakespeare had universality in English class, but really you should have been studying Sir Jerold Seinfeld. Maybe he WILL be the Shakespeare of the future...?
June 6, 2009
Reading the scripts is just about as funny as watching the show!! I wish they made more of these for the other seven seasons.
April 5, 2024
"The Seinfeld Scripts: The First and Second Seasons" offers fans of the iconic sitcom an immersive journey into the world of Jerry, George, Elaine, and Kramer. This paperback edition brings together the complete scripts from the first two seasons of "Seinfeld," providing readers with a behind-the-scenes look at the creation of some of the show's most memorable episodes.
One of the standout features of this collection is the opportunity to relive classic moments from the early seasons of "Seinfeld." From the infamous "Soup Nazi" to the unforgettable "Master of My Domain" contest, the scripts capture the wit, humor, and irreverence that made the show a cultural phenomenon. Each script is presented in its entirety, allowing fans to revisit their favorite episodes and rediscover the comedic genius of Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld.
In addition to the scripts themselves, the book also includes introductions written by the show's creators, providing insights into the creative process behind each episode. These introductions offer valuable context and behind-the-scenes anecdotes, giving readers a deeper appreciation for the work that went into bringing "Seinfeld" to life.
The paperback format makes "The Seinfeld Scripts" a convenient and accessible resource for fans of the show. Whether you're a longtime devotee or a newcomer to the world of "Seinfeld," this collection offers hours of entertainment and laughter.
Overall, "The Seinfeld Scripts: The First and Second Seasons" is a must-have addition to any "Seinfeld" fan's library. With its comprehensive collection of scripts, insightful introductions, and timeless humor, this paperback edition is sure to delight fans of the show for years to come.
One of the standout features of this collection is the opportunity to relive classic moments from the early seasons of "Seinfeld." From the infamous "Soup Nazi" to the unforgettable "Master of My Domain" contest, the scripts capture the wit, humor, and irreverence that made the show a cultural phenomenon. Each script is presented in its entirety, allowing fans to revisit their favorite episodes and rediscover the comedic genius of Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld.
In addition to the scripts themselves, the book also includes introductions written by the show's creators, providing insights into the creative process behind each episode. These introductions offer valuable context and behind-the-scenes anecdotes, giving readers a deeper appreciation for the work that went into bringing "Seinfeld" to life.
The paperback format makes "The Seinfeld Scripts" a convenient and accessible resource for fans of the show. Whether you're a longtime devotee or a newcomer to the world of "Seinfeld," this collection offers hours of entertainment and laughter.
Overall, "The Seinfeld Scripts: The First and Second Seasons" is a must-have addition to any "Seinfeld" fan's library. With its comprehensive collection of scripts, insightful introductions, and timeless humor, this paperback edition is sure to delight fans of the show for years to come.
January 20, 2023
"Seinfeld" is one of my favorite TV shows, and I've seen every episode numerous times. "The Seinfeld Scripts: The First and Second Seasons" is just that -- the Seinfeld scripts from the first and second seasons. It's an enjoyable, easy, and funny read. If you're familiar with the show, and I imagine you are, you can hear the characters saying the dialogue. Being familiar with the show makes this book even better, and funnier, as some of the dry humor isn't quite as funny when written instead of spoken. It speaks to the actors and their talent, as the delivery is often funnier than the written words. (The written words *are* funny, though, a testament to Jerry Seinfeld, Larry David, and the other writers.) A must-read for Seinfeld fans.
October 4, 2017
Jerry: WhAt Is ThE dEaL wItH aIrLiNe FoOd
Audience: HAHAahAhAhAHHHhAhAhAhAhAhhAAHAHahahahHHahHAhHahHahahhaHhhaHahahhaHaaHaHahHahhahHHahahHHaHahhahzhhaHAhhHHahHahHahHAHAAHhAHHAHAHHAhAH omg he FuNnYyuyidgcyidgcviduicgd
good show.
Audience: HAHAahAhAhAHHHhAhAhAhAhAhhAAHAHahahahHHahHAhHahHahahhaHhhaHahahhaHaaHaHahHahhahHHahahHHaHahhahzhhaHAhhHHahHahHahHAHAAHhAHHAHAHHAhAH omg he FuNnYyuyidgcyidgcviduicgd
good show.
December 8, 2021
Well, I broke down and found these episodes and took a stab at them. Overall, they are hilarious, sad, mundane, edgy, insightful, and questionable. In short, this is life!
Though many may say this is a program on nothing, it really is all about everything in life.
💥 Recommended.
🟣
Though many may say this is a program on nothing, it really is all about everything in life.
💥 Recommended.
🟣
April 23, 2018
There is nothing here except the scripts. No introduction, no afterword, no commentary whatsoever.
Brilliant and hilarious.
Brilliant and hilarious.
June 12, 2019
Hilarious as ever.
January 21, 2016
The Seinfeld Scripts: The First and Second Seasons by Jerry Seinfeld (Harper Perennial 1998)(791.4572) is just what it says: a reprinting of the scripts from the first two years of the tv show "Seinfeld". The pundits say that the show was finding its way the first couple of seasons. Maybe that's the reason, but I fail to find much if any humor at all in reading these scripts. I enjoyed the tv series, but reading these off the printed page left me flat. My rating: 4/10, finished 4/20/12.
September 4, 2016
I couldn't pass up the opportunity to grab this honking paperback from the local thrift shop, and then hurry home and read it (at least some of it). I read some silently, and then I turned on some old episodes and watched them while reading the scripts. Doing that made me appreciate the comic delivery of the actors/directors. Larry David is one of my favorite people and reading this further convinced me of his subtle genius. There's a reason this is one of the best television programs of all time.
July 27, 2011
Pure genius from start to finish. Great toilet reading and laugh out loud funny. Love it, use the jokes in Seinfeld every day!
February 6, 2012
Got a good few laughs!!
October 6, 2012
A great way to study script writing by reading the scripts of a successful comedy seemingly about nothing. May want to compare the style differences with the Frasier Scripts.
January 23, 2016
Brilliant.
February 13, 2016
5 stars if you're a fan (3/4 if not?) - the writing and humour is superb, a good companion to the series
April 30, 2016
Funny stuff ... about nothing. But you knew that. Aspiring comedy writers can't go wrong here.
Displaying 1 - 18 of 18 reviews