Unfuck Your Anger: Using Science to Understand Frustration, Rage, and Forgiveness

by Faith G. Harper

If you've ever been so pissed off that you did things that you regretted, or ruined your own day and some other people's too, this book is for you. Or if you feel angry every single day and it's affecting your health and sleep and love of life. Or if you've got very good reasons to be mad as hell, and you aren't going to take it anymore. Or if you've repressed your anger all your life and now it's all coming out at once. Microcosm Publishing bestseller Dr Faith explains here what the hell is going on in your brain and how to retrain yourself to deal with enraging situations more productively and without torpedoing your relationships. This is Your Brain on Anger gives you a heady dose of neuroscience and cultural explanation of what anger is and what it does to you, and then gives you a handy four-step checklist to help you deal with maddening situations after (or before) the fact, guidance on getting over things, and a chapter on forgiveness. Your brain actually knows what it's doing, and anger can be a good thing sometimes—just not if it's ruining your life.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Psychology, Audiobook, Mental Health, Personal Development, Health

109 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 14, 2020

About the author

Faith G. Harper, PhD, LPC-S, ACS, ACN is a bad-ass, funny lady with a PhD. She’s a licensed professional counselor, board supervisor, certified sexologist, and applied clinical nutritionist with a private practice and consulting business in San Antonio, TX. She has been an adjunct professor and a TEDx presenter, and proudly identifies as a woman of color and uppity intersectional feminist. She is the author of the book Unf*ck Your Brain and many other popular zines and books on subjects such as anxiety, depression, and grief. She is available as a public speaker and for corporate and clinical trainings.

Reviews

[Elizabeth · Rating 2 out of 5]

It was just okay. I was hoping for more science in this book but was disappointed. As the title would suggest, the tone of the book is a down-to-earth edginess that by the end felt banal and overbearing.

[Bonheur · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m on a journey of consuming a lot of mental health books (long and short) to help heal myself as I develop and grow.

From my own experience reading longer books and then Dr. Faith’s (she has a whole series on different topics), I noticed she does a great job of distilling the ideas from longer books and current research into a clear overview. (In fact, the edition I read of this book is the updated 2020 version released in January.)

A great place to get started if you want a concise or first book on anger. It’s my first book on anger actually, and this one book had enough insights to get me started in self-healing — I’d already been wondering about the roots of my anger, and this book gave me enough insights to start analyzing and understanding myself. Just consuming this book was really worthwhile.

Dr. Faith does a fantastic science-based overview and pulls together a very clear explanation of anger and its causes, along with suggestions and tools for examining and working with your feelings (and examining where it's coming from and what maybe you can do about it). Also, when she mentions a tool, or a framework, she tells you what area that research comes from (like ACT, or DBT, or mentions the researcher who pioneered the framework.) Plus there are three pages of citations in the back.

I really like Faith Harper’s series of books, they are pragmatic quick-to-read overview books that distill the essence of longer books that do a deeper dive.

If I need more, there are always more as I keep developing on my journey. But as a starting point, Dr. Faith’s books are a solid and pragmatic read that’s worth your time.

[Cavak · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well-meaning and down-to-earth, Unfuck Your Anger's for the people who are disgusted with self-help books that focus too much on the research or too often preach the graces of religion for recovery. A short quirky guide to understanding anger with a sweet dash of empathy from Harper. Not so much to be sappy. Just enough to let you know that she totally gets you and wants to help.

As you can tell from the title, it might not be for anyone who has problems with swearing. There's a guaranteed curse word for almost every page of this casual and constructive book. Yet Harper gets her point across as fast as anything on the web, and she's more extensive with her elaboration. Give it a try if you're finding yourself doing that Google binge. Avoid that distraction spiral if you can.

Best for adults, but I think frustrated teenagers would benefit too. Especially for anyone who feels immense guilt about their outbursts and struggles to understand them.

[Cav · Rating 2 out of 5]

"Nothing pisses me off more than being angry..."

Unfuck Your Anger sounded promising, but the finished product left me frustrated (I'll see myself out).

Author Faith G. Harper, PhD, LPC-S, ACS, ACN is a bad-ass, funny lady (well, at least according to this write-up) with a PhD. She’s a licensed professional counselor, board supervisor, certified sexologist, and applied clinical nutritionist with a private practice and consulting business in San Antonio, TX.

Faith G. Harper:



As the book's title hints at, the writing here focuses on anger; its different types, how to deal with it, and how to incorporate forgiveness into your worldview. It is a shorter presentation. The audio version I have clocked in at just over 2 hours.

She drops this quote, outlining the aim of the book:

"In this book, we are going to discuss the common triggers of anger, using some new research on the brain’s rage circuits. Then we are going to look at what happens in our body when we have an anger response. After the science-y part of what anger is, we’re gonna do the unfuckening part.
We’re gonna go through all those light-shining activities that help us understand our unique and personal anger responses, and discuss how to channel our anger into better relationships or barnstorming social action. And I’m gonna share all the work I’ve done in my life around learning how important forgiveness is for my own-damn-self. We are going to discuss ways of living with our very real and valid anger responses without losing our shit or swallowing our rage like so much poison. Because if feeling anger is OK, you can be angry and still be OK."

Also, as you might guess from the bold use of the F word in the book's title, the writing here is replete with expletives. Now, I'm just about the farthest thing from a pearl-clutcher who takes "offense" at course language, but a lot of it was over the top here. She's got swear words liberally crammed in, even where they don't belong. I think she is trying to sound "cool" employing this style. Unfortunately, this kind of thing is pretty hard to pull off effectively, and it didn't work here. Instead of sounding down-to-earth and funny, I found it just grew tiresome and grating.

Also, I did not find too much value in this short presentation. Most of the material was garden-variety stuff you've read just about anywhere else.

Finally, there was the inclusion of a decent amount of ideologically-laden jargon here. I can't stand when authors editorialize and insert their political opinions into books where they have no place being, and my ratings always reflect this. The author drops ideological jargon numerous times here, including this noteworthy word salad:

"By shifting from irritation and defensiveness, he validated the experiences of the individuals who have been victimized, which lent support to social change.
2) Own our privilege and power: We are not the sum of our disenfranchisement, we are the sum of our assets. And our assets are not just our fundamental agents of change, our recognition of them informs our compassion for others and our intersectionality. My friend Naomi Brown, who is a minister and social worker, calls this conscious using of privilege to help those who do not have it sneaking in the front door. Power and privilege lets us get into spaces others could not. This doesn’t mean speaking for them, but providing support and amplification of their experiences..."

********************

I didn't like Unfuck Your Anger, for the reasons above. Thankfully it was not a long book, or I would have put it down. Remind me to take a hard pass on anything else this author produces.
1.5 stars

[Emily · Rating 3 out of 5]

What is with the trend of “self-help” books putting curse words in the title. After finishing this book I wasn’t think about anger but thinking is this author trying to reach the “everyday” person by cursing… because something about that feels condescending. I will say… I do love a cuss word. Just thoughts. This book is brief but still good. Nothing so deeply profound and I was kinda zoned out reading it. My main takeaway is to sing about your anger so that I will do.

[Drea g · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book. Don’t let negative subjective reviews stop you from reading it.

[Pasiensia Lockman · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great quick read.
It helped me understand a lot about my brain why certain things put me in fight or flight. It also included Lots of tips that I can put into use!

[Andy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Culture tells us anger is bad, and only bad people get angry. Therefore, if we want to be a good person, we should never be angry.

Before reading Unfuck Your Anger, I intellectually understood that anger was a natural and healthy human emotion. But it was hard to know how to react to my own anger when culture was just telling me I was a bad person for feeling it.

If you want a clear, concise, entertaining summary of the science of human anger, this books is for you. If you want to learn healthy, science based ways to understand and let go of your anger, this book is for you.

Particularly enlightening were the revelations that emotions only last for 90 seconds, as long as you feel and let go of them; and that boundaries, letting go, and forgiveness are key ways to ensure anger doesn't dominate your life.

[Beau · Rating 3 out of 5]

I loved it until the inevitable forgiveness chapter which was like you have to or else you can never heal which was really icky to me .
Even when mentioning her husbands family who was killed in the holocaust as an example , like how he can forgive his grandmother for how her trauma affected him
??
Like number nine forgive the deed remember the lesson ok Faith not if you’ve been sexually assaulted or been through a fraction of what your husbands family has .

[Kate · Rating 4 out of 5]

Clear and straightforward examination of anger and all its elements, as well as useful strategies for recognising and managing anger.

[Brian Demo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Enjoyed the approaches and the ideas that were presented. Gave me some things to look at and think about

[Cristian · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book goes into the topic of anger and aims to enhance our understanding of it. It begins by highlighting that anger is a secondary emotion, stemming from underlying feelings such as hurt, frustration, or other negative emotions. We tend to express anger more readily because it feels easier than addressing the root cause. The book then takes a scientific approach, exploring the relationship between the nervous system and the brain, as well as the impact of various chemicals on our biology. Additionally, it discusses the nine different triggers that can incite anger and why we instinctively choose to fight, flight, or freeze.

Personally, I found the middle section of the book particularly valuable. The author provides a series of questions that individuals experiencing anger should ask themselves. I took note of these questions and spent time reflecting on each one, jotting down my answers. (BTW the book also suggests a companion handbook with exercises for readers) This process enabled me to gain a better understanding of whether my anger was rooted in genuine hurt and identify its underlying causes. It made me consider if my expectations were unmet or if my needs were not fulfilled. The book emphasizes that without comprehending the origins of our anger, we cannot effectively manage it. It explains that if we continue to let anger go unchecked, we condition our brains to be in a constant state of alertness, leading to chronic stress. The author then proceeds to discuss the importance of recognizing signs of anger before it fully manifests, urging us to view these signs as valuable information before responding. While this is easier said than done, with practice, it helps not be so impulsive with reactions.

The third and final part of the book offers exercises to assist in managing our moods. These exercises include yoga, breathing techniques, and stretching. The book also reminds us that we have the power to choose our reactions to situations that trigger our anger. Although this idea may seem cliché, it holds a fundamental truth.

One of the aspects I appreciated about this book was the validation it provided for acknowledging and experiencing anger. You know that saying “people only speak the truth when they’re mad?”, the author explains that this behavior can be a defensive mechanism employed to protect ourselves (a fight response). This is an aspect of anger that many people fail to recognize and understand. Moreover, the book mentions individuals who have encountered trouble due to their anger, highlighting how societal norms frown upon this negative reaction. For example, (my example) if two people are arguing with one expressing anger and the other expressing sadness, that doesn't necessarily mean the person with anger is bad. Both are natural ways our bodies regulate our stress response.

Overall, the book provided valuable insights into the nature of anger. I would recommend this book to individuals who struggle with managing their anger and are seeking a deeper understanding of its roots and effects. It might help to purchase the workbook with this, but journaling is just the same.

[K · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was a nice and easy read. I’m working on my anger and how I treat it. Also working on forgiveness. I’ve held onto too many things that I just let fester. I do kind of wish she talked about how to work on the hair pin triggers. They just happen so quick that how can you really take the time to calm yourself down beforehand. I also wish there was more imagery in there like maybe showing some of the places in the brain where anger lights up (but that’s just the psych degree in me wanting that)

[Jaci · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a short but helpful book about understanding anger through scientific evidence.
It covers topics such as the root of frustration and rage, what happens in our brains when we get angry, techniques to control our temper, and also forgiveness.
If you want to learn a little more about mental health, this book is for you.

[Jasmin · Rating 3 out of 5]

*spoilers*

This book was pretty good. I listened to it and there were a few sentences/sections that really spoke to me on the importance of expressing emotions to others as "I feel ... (angry/frustrated etc") - to demonstrate responsibility for one's own feelings, instead of communicating WITH anger.

I also appreciated the suggestion that if there is ongoing anger that is causing issues in one's life, e.g. is taking up more space than enjoyment, gratitude, mindfulness etc, it is something to work on.

It suggests using writing to explore anger and also forgiveness.


ChatGPT Summary for Me:
"Unf*ck Your Anger: Using Science to Reclaim Your Calm and Thrive" by Faith G. Harper is a self-help book that focuses on anger management, aiming to help readers understand and deal with their anger in healthier, more productive ways. Harper, a licensed professional counselor and board supervisor, uses her trademark mix of humor, irreverence, and science-based techniques to break down complex emotional and psychological topics, making them accessible for the average reader. The book is part of her “Unf*ck” series, known for blending practical advice with a no-nonsense tone.

Book Summary:
Introduction to Anger: The book starts by acknowledging that anger is a natural emotion everyone experiences. However, problems arise when anger becomes uncontrollable, misplaced, or repressed. Harper explains that anger in itself isn't bad, but the way we handle it can lead to toxic behaviors and mental health issues.

Understanding Anger: Harper dives into the neuroscience behind anger. She explains how the amygdala, the brain’s emotional center, triggers the "fight, flight, or freeze" response, often before the rational part of the brain (the prefrontal cortex) has a chance to weigh in. She goes over the physiological responses to anger—racing heart, flushed face, tense muscles—and how these signals can help you catch yourself before exploding.

Types of Anger: The book categorizes anger into different types, such as:

Reactive anger: Immediate, emotional, and intense, often a knee-jerk reaction.
Passive-aggressive anger: Indirect expression of anger, often through sarcasm, procrastination, or sulking.
Chronic anger: Anger that lingers, often tied to unresolved issues or a sense of powerlessness.
Self-directed anger: Anger turned inward, leading to feelings of guilt or shame.
Harper stresses that recognizing the type of anger you’re experiencing is the first step to managing it.

Detailed Instructions for Dealing with Anger:
Step 1: Acknowledge and Own It Harper suggests that many of us either suppress our anger or let it explode. She recommends practicing mindfulness to acknowledge anger as soon as you feel it, without judgment. Recognizing the physical and emotional signs of anger early on allows you to take control before it escalates.

Mindfulness Practice: Use simple mindfulness techniques, like focusing on your breath or doing a body scan to notice where tension is building. When you notice the early signs of anger, say to yourself, "I'm angry," without trying to suppress or fuel the emotion.
Step 2: Pause and Breathe Before reacting to anger, Harper emphasizes the importance of creating space between the trigger and your reaction. The goal is to give your rational brain time to engage and prevent a knee-jerk emotional response.

Breathing Exercise: Take five slow, deep breaths. Harper explains that this activates the parasympathetic nervous system, helping to calm the body’s fight-or-flight response.
Step 3: Identify the Trigger Once you’ve calmed down, ask yourself what made you angry. Harper encourages readers to go deeper than the immediate event or person. Sometimes, anger is triggered by unmet needs, past trauma, or unresolved issues that have little to do with the current situation.

Journaling: She suggests keeping a journal to track patterns in your anger. Writing down the events, feelings, and thoughts surrounding your anger episodes helps you identify recurring themes or unresolved issues.
Step 4: Practice Healthy Expression Harper encourages readers to express their anger in constructive ways. Bottling it up can lead to resentment or health issues, while explosive anger damages relationships.

Communication Skills: She advocates for using “I” statements when expressing anger, such as “I feel upset when…” rather than blaming or attacking others. This shifts the focus to your feelings rather than the other person’s actions.
Physical Release: Sometimes, anger needs a physical outlet. Harper suggests safe ways to discharge excess energy, like exercising, screaming into a pillow, or even hitting a punching bag. This allows you to release pent-up frustration in a non-harmful way.
Step 5: Address Root Causes Harper discusses the importance of dealing with the root causes of anger, particularly if it’s chronic or tied to unresolved trauma. She suggests therapy, particularly cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and trauma-informed practices, as essential tools for addressing deep-seated anger issues.

Self-Compassion: She highlights the role of self-compassion in managing anger, especially self-directed anger. Accepting your mistakes and treating yourself with kindness can help reduce feelings of shame or guilt that fuel internalized anger.
Practical Exercises:
The book includes various exercises and techniques, such as:

Anger Mapping: Create a visual “map” of your anger triggers and responses. This can help you see patterns and recognize situations that frequently provoke you.
Progressive Muscle Relaxation: Harper suggests using muscle relaxation techniques to physically reduce tension when anger starts to build.
Reframing: Cognitive reframing techniques help you change the way you interpret situations. For example, instead of thinking, “They’re doing this on purpose to piss me off,” you might reframe it as, “Maybe they’re having a bad day.”
Review:
Strengths:

Accessible and Relatable: Harper’s writing style is conversational, peppered with humor and casual language, making psychological concepts more digestible.
Science-Based: The book is rooted in neuroscience and psychology, making it both informative and practical.
Actionable Advice: The exercises and techniques are straightforward and immediately applicable, allowing readers to start practicing new habits right away.
Weaknesses:

Tone: The humor and irreverence might not resonate with everyone. Some readers might find the casual tone detracts from the seriousness of the topic.
Surface-Level in Some Areas: While Harper provides practical tools, those with severe anger issues may need more in-depth therapeutic interventions than the book offers.
Instructions for What to Do with Anger:
Acknowledge Anger: Don't deny or suppress it. Be aware of the emotion, name it, and recognize the signs of anger.
Pause Before Reacting: Take a deep breath, give yourself time, and don’t act immediately. A few seconds can make a huge difference.
Identify the Trigger: Understand what exactly made you angry. Dig deeper into any underlying emotions or patterns.
Express it Constructively: Use “I” statements and focus on the specific situation, not the person’s character. Practice non-violent communication techniques.
Let It Out Physically (Safely): Engage in physical activities like running, punching a bag, or doing some vigorous housework to release pent-up energy.
Get to the Root Cause: Work through long-standing anger issues by seeking therapy if necessary. Understand if trauma or past experiences are contributing to your anger.
Practice Self-Compassion: Don’t turn anger inward. Treat yourself with kindness and recognize that it's okay to feel angry, but how you handle it matters.

[OutSideTheBoxox · Rating 1 out of 5]

Had some good advice. The author also suggests a few calming and noting techniques that seem to be useable but time will tell.

The author did bring up Love Languages, it was only briefly mentioned. Knowing the
pseudoscientific and homophobic basis of this theory it does make me more sceptical of the advice given by the author.

Edit, after reading Unfuck Your Anxiety, I have changed my mind about the author and the advice they give. In that book she expands on her book "This is your brain on Anxiety", which shows the unsafe and pseudoscience she believes in and promotes. It's frustrating to have anxiety and always be told eat this of take that go to a chiropractor. Please note chiropractors are proven to be dangerous, I mean just look at the guy who invented it. Yeah fuck this book

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a good series of books. They are short, to the point and highly informative without being too clinical. I would definitely recommend it to anyone trying to get in touch with their feelings, good and bad.

[January · Rating 5 out of 5]

Unf*ck Your Anger: Using Science to Understand Frustration, Rage, and Forgiveness by Faith G. Harper PhD LPC-S ACS ACN
2h 15m narrated by Erin Bennett, 109 pages

Genre: Health & Wellness, Personal Development Anger Management, Mental Health, Emotions, Psychology, Stress Management


Featuring: Conflict Resolution, Rage, Doctors, This is Your Brain on Anger, Getting to Know Our Rage Circuits, The AHEN Model, How Our Anger Gets F*cked Up, When Is More Than Anger, Self Injury As An Expression of Anger, Unf*ck Your Anger, Yoga, What is Anger, Forgiveness, Triggers, Bipolarism, Depression, Anxiety, Trauma, Steps, Coping Mechanisms, Healing, Growth, Graphics (in ebook), Your Anger Narrative, How We Handle Anger, Acknowledging Anger, Physiological Anger Disruptors, Transforming Anger Into Social Action, How Do You Know There’s Something to Forgive, Types of Forgiveness, The Forgiveness Process, Supporting the Process, Conclusion

Rating as a movie: R for adult language

Quotes: Another important note: I’m going to talk a lot about how anger is a response. Not just to situations and other emotions . . . but also in connection with other emotional health issues. And because that is true, it means we can’t talk about anger without talking about the possibility of underlying mood disorders or anxiety disorders. And because I’ve written books on those subjects, some of the information from those books have been revisited in this one. Not to be that asshole who is padding her book with lots of fluff and bullshit, but because I hate nothing more than when an author says, “Hey you should go buy my other five books to really understand this shit.” If you’ve read my other books, you’re already good to go on all the brain science. But if you’ve never seen all the science of how mental health issues affect the nervous system and the like, I want to make sure you have those basics available in the context of anger. One of my life rules is “don’t be a dick” and it would be a dick move to send you on an information scavenger hunt to really get what’s going on with anger. There’s also a ton of exercises in this book that can help you out as well. Y’all keep telling me you like having stuff to do because you are all about the self-accountability. That’s bad-ass, right there. So there’s lots of stuff to do. So much so, that besides the exercises included in this book, there is a whole other anger workbook that you can get go go along with this one if you dig it (and no, you don’t need to buy/have both for the book to make sense . . . which refers back to the rule of no dick moves).

Books and Authors mentioned: Unfuck Your Brain: Using Science to Get Over Anxiety, Depression, Anger, Freak-outs, and Triggers by Faith G. Harper, Sharp Objects by Gillian Flynn, Dr. Weisinger's Anger Work-Out Book: Step-by-Step Methods for Greater Productivity, Better Relationships, Healthier Life by Dr. Hendrie Weisinger, Trauma-Sensitive Yoga in Therapy: Bringing the Body into Treatment by David Emerson, Everything You Need to Know to Feel Go(o)d by Candace B. Pert Ph.D with Nancy Marriott

My rating: 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🤬😡

My thoughts: 📱18:12 Getting to Know Our Rage Circuits - Did a quick search and this one popped up. Erin Bennett! This is way better than her Nantucket narrations and you know how I love them. This author isn't going to make you read her other books she's plugging all the relevant info from them into this book. Sounds like a 5-star read.

This was great my song and I really enjoyed it. I plan to read more from this author. I've read several of these novelty swearing self-help books and many overdo it on the profanity but this one isn't overkill, although it's still excessive. Erin Bennett did a fantastic job on the audio. The book had cat graphics and many others.


Recommend to others: Yes. This was very informative and helpful.

[Anthony · Rating 3 out of 5]

I almost refuse to read books with foul language in the title. I am not intimidated or put off by foul language. I work in construction where foul language is as prevalent as oxygen in the air, and you learn to be callous to it. So it isn’t the language itself that is the problem. However most books I see that use profanity in the title are almost all some form of self-help or psychotherapy type books, and for me the use of profanity in that realm can impact your credibility. If you can’t temper your tongue long enough to explain the crazy way our brains and bodies work then you show me that you lack wisdom and self control. Both wisdom and self control are necessary for helping people through mental situations especially ones that can be terribly taxing.

In saying that, I met my book budget for the month and was in need of a free book. I was also particularly looking for something that could explain anger, resentment and other emotions of that nature. This was the only free book that got decent reviews so I sucked it up and took a chance!

In one regard it is fantastic. The author does an excellent job of explaining the science behind anger. Then the author does a very good job at explaining practical steps people can take to help them gain control of an often out of control emotion. She manages to do both without going into too much unnecessary depth too.

In fact, the author’s excessive and incessant use of profanity is the only negative to the entire book. For me it made it difficult at times to take the book seriously. Maybe that is shallow of me, but I felt like I was listening to a construction worker who was trying to spread this great wisdom to all the guys on a jobsite. An action I have witnessed countless times with almost an almost zero success rate. This includes the times I have participated in the same action. It just isn’t very effective.

Nobody on a construction site has credibility in life problems. Dude. You’re a construction worker. You barely graduated high school and you have to use a porta john and act like they are sanitary like the rest of us. Save your wisdom for the porta john wall where everyone will then really tell you what they think about your wisdom. Oh, you went to college to still be a construction worker using porta johns? Well how smart could you be then?

That above paragraph is literally construction worker logic in a nutshell. It’s literally what I thought about while reading the book. Who are you? You are out here in the dirt and heat right along with us. Don’t get all self righteous just tell us why you aren’t done yet. The issue with that is that the author isn’t a construction worker and the author does have great insights and points to make on the subject but the author doesn’t seem to realize that her manner of communication takes away from the message she is trying to communicate. People with the knowledge the author has can’t let their communication on serious subjects like anger take away from their message. Especially if it is a good message.

Overall it’s message and tips are great, even fantastic, but the communication really doesn’t meet the level of sincerity and credibility that the topic needs. The author definitely has insights that could help some people, but the author’s communication limits the range of her effectiveness. If you can get beyond the language their is some gold in this book, but be warned, it’s like discussing psychology with a construction worker and that feels… well…paradoxical.

[shi._qi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Short and easy book to listen to. Enjoyed audible voice.



Fight, flight, freeze response

Rage circuit - 9 triggers:

- life or limb
- insult (disrespect, insult to their status, argument about dominance)
- family (makes evolutionary sense, to pass down genetic material)
- environment (territorial)
- mate (pass down genetic material, mate increases our own chances of survival)
- order in society
- resources (money, family photos are all resources)
- tribe
- stopped (blocked from our movement as free people, expression of free will)


The AHEN model:
Anger emerges from hurt, expectation not met, and needs not met

Buddhism + Science proven every emotion lasts for 90 seconds

“Use emotions for they are, information to take into consideration (just a piece of evidence), not necessarily to be acted on with our initial impulses maybe not acted upon at all.”

“You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn how to surf.”

“Feelings are something we experience not something that we are.”

Remind yourself:
You have felt differently in the past and will feel differently in the future.

Riding the wave:
Recognize the feeling, pay attention to what it’s telling you, then release it

Alternative nostril breathing technique:
one hand, 3 middle fingers to the palm (like a call me sign), alternate thumb and pinky to close one nostril to breathe in and breathe out

Yoga:
Calms the vagus nerve
Don’t do shit that hurts
No need 100% effort (allow yourself to put in 10% effort let’s say)

Forgiveness done right is self-care, it releases the stress you hold in your body and lets you move on and and focus on your life and goals.

Mindful mantra to connect you to forgiveness as a process:
“I know that forgiving myself and others for errors of the past allows me to heal.”

Forgive the deed, remember the lesson.

Try a forgiveness ceremony (meditation, forgiveness letter)
Human brain is wired for ceremony and structured practice


It’s tough work. Check in on your progress. Give yourself credit. Celebrate your progress. You will be close to have these skills as your second nature.

Rewrite your brain for yourself. The anger is fucking you up way more than them. You deserve to live in a body and brain that feels calm and peaceful.

Manage your anger skillfully, it will stop taking over all the time.

You are more aware of your boundaries and enforce them without a hair trigger response. You have insight and awareness into what’s safe for you. You insist on your safety and the safety of those you love.

Create better relationships in which your boundaries are respected.

Be the person that feels good to be around. The one who is respected.

[cypher · Rating 2 out of 5]

it's not all bad, but it's not too good either. "we are all wired to protect out territory", i fear this is another book blaming evolutionary psychology and "the brain" for personal choices and lack of empathy.
get more empathy and see how your perspective on the same situation changes.
stop "programming your brain" to put yourself first.
another ridiculous thing is to separate the individual from their anger, "my anger" did not do that response, the person did, disassociation from the effects of a choice is not the right way to take responsibility. (except some extreme cases, which are not common) a person is all of their choices, completely, my "brain chemistry" intuitively tells me this.
"self injury" (men liking to play contact sports) is not always "anger" and "trauma", some see it as trying to test and/or progress in physical abilities (with or without a higher purpose as a next level). the "anger"/"trauma" interpretation is ignoring "the brain" of other types of people, the ones who don't run away from pain, the fear of (reasonable) pain (the desire to avoid it at all cost or mostly) is actually a sign of selfishness and inability for self-sacrifice. this therapist missed a bit too much.
i do agree with meditation, but the benefit comes from cultivating patience and focus (long meditation sessions on a regular schedule), or to disconnect and try to be objective in a moment of negative thinking/reacting. and, yes, sometimes anger is justified, so working on becoming ethical (not driven by personal morals) is incredibly important. the "forgiveness" chapter needs a caveat, not all things can or should be forgiven, but you can move on to not use brain space on an event, if you can't correct a genuine injustice (and here being ethical matters, to judge and label injustice correctly), your brain space can be used for another ethical purpose instead.
i did like the you should care about your boundaries and quality of life (personal and others) part, at the end, as motivation to fix anger.

[Alex · Rating 5 out of 5]

Anger is an emotion that we all deal with and experience. Whether it's physical/verbal, and through ourselves or someone else... we've all experienced anger. This book helps people dive deeper into the ins and outs of this secondary emotion that gets a prime spotlight. Like for starters, I didn't even know that anger was a secondary emotion! For those who also don't know, a secondary emotion is a response or feeling we have about a different (primary) emotion. Our brains like to make things complicated 😂

Feeling angry is okay!! It's important to feel all your feelings, and learn how to sit with them, but it's not okay to be reactionary and take your feelings out on your loved ones (or enemies 😜) This book has a separate workbook if you so choose to further examine the workings of your own personal life.

There are also A LOT of mental health issues that anger can be a symptom of, and this book acknowledges that seeking help is not such a simple path especially when considering financial, time, and socioeconomical constraints. Unfuck Your Anger does have a lot of supplemental information regarding how to pinpoint and identify situations that may activate your amygdala as well as tips/trick on how to reset and bring yourself back to base level.

I really enjoyed learning about the neurological and physiology aspects of anger. The better we understand what we're experiencing and why, the better we can express our needs and boundaries. On top of that, the better we are at identifying primary emotions and naming them for what they are, the less likely people are to misidentify how they are feeling since people are so used to using sad/mad/glad as umbrella terms.

The coolest fact I learned was that anger can be considered a form of mania 🤯

[Kayley Steele · Rating 4 out of 5]

Content -  The content focuses on delivering a clear and straightforward understanding of anger and associated emotions that follow. It includes strategies for identifying anger and some techniques for minimizing the output of anger. Faith Harper's self help books are normally written in a way for basic understanding, the second half of this book starts diving into more technical strategies and jargon that may not be easy for some readers/listeners. Like her other books there were plenty of exercises for the reader to try.

Audio Quality - Good, listened via audible.

Overall -  Was a good listen, simple to follow along with.

Recommendation - . Recommend to anyone wanting a basic understanding of anger , and associated emotions. If you want to learn how to identify your trigger for anger and how to process this emotion this could be a good book for you

[Pepper · Rating 4 out of 5]

Kernels I've mulled over:
1. Rage triggers - L. I. F. E. M.O.R.T. S [Insult was an interesting thing I hadn't realized before, insult to status or status quo]
2. AHEN - Anger emerges from Hurt, Expectations not met, Needs not met.
3. Symptoms of unhealed trauma - Think of these as injuries to the nervous system. When you are reacting to the present as if it were the past.
4. Forgiveness stages (non-linear) - Resistance, Reorganize, Responsibility, Reconciliation, Release

"Being continuously angry is not compatible with being a peaceful person at heart."

"Feel your anger and pain, ..we can't forgive what we haven't acknowledged...Spiritual bypassing...using spiritual practices as a way of not coping with our unresolved wounds."

[Shelley Diamond · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a good book for people who do not want to read a formal psychology book on anger management. I think the first half of this short book is a good introduction. The writing is casual and down to earth. Unfortunately, the last half of the book gets into the kind of treatment that is probably difficult for this kind of reader. Forgiveness and letting go is probably not in their comfort zone. I'd like to take the first half of this book and edit it together with pieces from other anger management books on techniques that are more likely to be considered useful.

[♏Vanessa♏ · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really enjoyed it. Faith way to communicate her message is funny and fun with a few F bombs when needed and serious when it gets heavier, but over all it' s all easy to understand with practical coping exercises.
The audio was well narrated, it's like Faith is just having a chat with us. I liked how she explained the root off the issue with scientific evidence, followed by how to deal with it. It was also very quick (a couple of hours at normal speed).
Free on audible plus catalogue until 17/05/24

[David · Rating 4 out of 5]

Immensely practical with skills that can be put to immediate use. Although I’m not a counselor and only a behavioral health nurse, it does seem evidence based. I’m not a big fan of the tone personally, but working on an inpatient mental health unit there is a certain clientele who definitely would prefer this direct communication style who would eschew a more traditional book, so I can see that it would have a place. And it really is quite short and sweet and doesn’t. I liked it quite a bit overall.

[Drake Hahn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. This was a great read.

I read her anxiety book right before this, and I liked it, but I guess dealing with anger for so long, this book spoke to me so much more.

I thought the research was well-informed, the coping mechanisms were great, and certain sections really made me ponder for quite some time (forgiveness one comes to mind).

I just thought the book was written better than the first one I read and more well-organized.

I hope her books keep improving like this.

[Erica · Rating 2 out of 5]

I curse like a sailor but this has so many gratuitous swear words that it was distracting and hard to take the author seriously as an expert. There was more talk about the causes for anger (scientifically, mentally and situationally) than actionable items. Those actionable items present were pretty high level. Nothing groundbreaking from this read for me but probably very beneficial to those who haven’t yet researched the psychology of anger.

[:( · Rating 5 out of 5]

I started the audiobook a few days ago just looking for something to listen to in the background, and ended up starting a little self journey realizing how much anger I still had from my childhood, and how to understand my reactions around anger and where they come from. An amazing read, definitely one i’m going to re-read again, and I am 100% getting the physical book so I can work with the exercises within it!