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SM 101: A Realistic Introduction
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SM 101: A Realistic Introduction

4.02  ·  Rating details ·  1,253 ratings  ·  71 reviews
Call it what you like - bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadomasochism. More and more people are experimenting with this exciting , consensual form of erotic play. SM 101 is your basic guidebook to safe rewarding SM. This book includes: finding partners, negotiating the scene you want, bondage techniques, spanking and whipping, erotic torture, role playing ...more
Paperback, 2nd Edition (Revised, Expanded & Updated), 399 pages
Published December 1st 1998 by Greenery Press (first published 1992)
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Average rating 4.02  · 
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 ·  1,253 ratings  ·  71 reviews

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Dec 11, 2010 rated it liked it
I started reading this book at a healthy pace, although since it's ten years old, the rules for finding like-minded sex partners have changed a lot. The safety guidelines were great and the sections about rope-typing somewhat interesting, but now I'm slogging through the sections about clamping various body parts because the idea grosses me out for some reason. This book is clearly not for the faint at heart, despite many reminders of how dated it is.

Best line so far: "Discovering the erotic pos
Sep 17, 2010 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: non-fiction, bdsm
Highly recommended for beginners, the curious, or anyone interested in an aspect of SM that they have zero experience with. This is non-fiction, not erotic fiction. The book is basically a how-to safety manual while introducing some basic ideas and interests. The title says 'introduction' so take that to heart and do not read this if you have experience and then rate it low, as I am grateful for this book and wish more people were able to tackle the subject in such a way as Wiseman did here. ...more
Basia Rose
Mar 20, 2012 rated it really liked it
Shelves: nonfiction, bdsm
I can’t pinpoint it exactly, but for some reason I loved this book. It goes over a lot of information BDSMers already know, (hence the 101), but I found it was written in a way that I enjoyed revisiting the basics.

What you need to know before buying it:

■ In some ways it is wildly out of date. The first edition was released in 1992, and “the scene” has changed hugely since then…
■ …Because of one major thing: The Internet…
■ …My absolute favourite quote of the whole book (from the 1997 Internet
Sep 07, 2012 rated it liked it
Whilst reading about SM I discovered a whole pile of real trash - writers with mental health issues who should be in therapy, not in SM relationships! I also found a real lack of connection between partners - they the lacked emotional, spiritual or indeed physical intimacy required to make exploration of the SM scene anything more than a journey through mental illness and violent game playing.
As I read Jay Wiseman I get a sense that he, like other writers in this field, feel the need to repeat t
Josephine Myles
Jul 29, 2011 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: bdsm, non-fiction
Research for Screwing the System.

A very comprehensive primer in BDSM, the scene, and an introduction to the many varied way people might choose to play. This is strong on safety, and while some aspects might be a little dated now, it's still a great reference. Could have done with illustrations, but I loved the little quotes peppered throughout. Also, the writer has a sense of humour and includes anecdotes from his own experience, which really brings it all to life.
Kristina Kopnisky
Jul 30, 2009 rated it really liked it
The stand by go to book for folks who are interested in safe, sane and consensual power exchange. Jay writes in an accessible voice that will have any reader feeling like they are spending an evening with a beloved uncle. Jay can get corny in parts but it is part of the charm of the book. It is best read as a self help book. Read it from cover to cover. Take what works for you and leave the rest.
Constance Augusta Zaber
Wiseman's years of experience come through as the strongest feature of this guidebook with excellent step-by-step breakdowns for novices. Unfortunately for me those sections are the minority in SM 101, with several pages devoted to his personal opinions on "the scene" (Which were personally not applicable to my life) and even more that present the purely "protocol"-style of BDSM as the default, or even only, style (Similarly inapplicable to my own sexual practices.) Given that this is 2nd editio ...more
Stephanie "Jedigal"
May 28, 2009 rated it really liked it
Recommended to Stephanie "Jedigal" by: Dinie
Very thorough. Covers some additional ground not covered by "Screw the Roses..." Author is very serious and has great concerns for safety. ...more
Apr 04, 2015 rated it liked it
Wiseman’s SM101 is a useful and comprehensive guide to the world of BDSM and D/s relationships anyway you slice it. It is useful for beginners because it details terminology, it details kneeling positions, differences between pet and slave - everything you were curious about, there’s probably a chapter in this generous 908 page book. Yup, that’s a hefty tome — and it rewards. It details anything from the basics to humiliation and how to keep it rewarding without offending.

Jay Wiseman’s been in
Emanuele Dalla Longa
Sep 07, 2014 rated it really liked it
Recommends it for: Every responsible pervert
Recommended to Emanuele by: The Internet
Interesting book.
I decided to read it because this is said to be a milestone in BDSM literature. However, I thought it would focus more on the psychological aspects of BDSM or that it would explore the depths of it, but it doesn't. It does, instead, focus on a matter which was (and is), actually, the first thing which should be presented to a BDSM novice: safety.
So, this is not a particularly entertaining book. It is, actually, pretty tedious - and even a bit repetitive, it stresses very much
Mar 14, 2013 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: sexuality
Read this one from cover to cover. Very informative and definitely worth the read for newbies.

Jay advocates SSC & places a lot of focus on safety in every section, explaining what precautions to take and what to do if something does go wrong. Contains lot of info on how to be a "responsible Dom".

Learned a LOT, got some great ideas and highlighted a few sections I would like to refer to again.

Rope bondage section could definitely do with more illustrations: I couldn't figure out some of those kn
I rated this edition as 5-star (and the newer edition as 4-star) simply because this is the one I first read...well, pored over, really. So it is literally true that this was amazing to me, while I really liked the second edition.

To be clear: You should buy the printed (2nd) edition, because it's bigger, newer, and actually available in stores, but this is my sentimental favorite, because it's where I started.

Yes, there are much more specialized guides to particular techniques, to types of relat
Aug 09, 2012 rated it liked it
Shelves: nonfiction, kink
I read this while stranded in an airport, waiting for my delayed flight to come in. I deeply enjoyed the looks I got from people around me when I read the pages with illustrations.

Very good as a technical manual. The safety recommendations put the fear of God into me. It was really good to get an EMT's (and a top's) perspective on how to kink safely. I also liked his whole checklist of things to negotiate before a scene.

Overall, though, I think it compares unfavorably to The New Topping Book as
Mar 01, 2013 rated it really liked it
Shelves: psychology
As a therapist who works with the kink community, I think it's my responsibility to understand the basics of BDSM, and someone recommended that this book would be a great starting point. The topic really doesn't hold any interest for me personally, and in fact I skimmed some sections. (I will never need to know how to hog-tie someone, for example.) But this book was chock full of basic information that I think will be enormously beneficial as I continue to work with clients.

This book is a great
Aug 25, 2011 rated it liked it
Shelves: sexuality
i am currently researching sex guides for a writing project of my own called sex for boys - sex positive guide for young men (there seems to be lots of books out there for girls, but not for boys - and there are countless other reasons for writing this that i won't go into here) ...

this is a well written book - perhaps because of its thorny subject matter, it takes an objective approach - s&m practices are laid out clearly and the books is organized by sex toys and their uses. apart from the int
Mike Todd
Jul 02, 2009 rated it liked it
A little dry, but well-organized, and a great overview of the BDSM lifestyle. It is very aptly titled. There are a few instances where Wiseman gets a bit preachy -- for example, breathplay definitely has the capacity for being very dangerous, but it can be perfectly safe, too. Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and Judo practitioners choke each other to unconsciousness in tournaments regularly, with no known ill effects.
Shawn Cooley
Apr 13, 2013 rated it really liked it
ugg. long and dry. needed book. its a classic that is often referred to. read every word in this book once. hopefully very early on in your bdsm exploration.

it introduces (as a 101 should) many different topics, some are very outdated, some will be around a long time unchanged.

jay is better in person than this book reads. maybe its the many years of presenting these (and other) topics.

good reference book.
Oct 21, 2014 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: 2014
Fantastic read. I already read a good deal about bdsm and a lot of the information wasn't new to me. But there were many things that I hadn't read or that I didn't think of before, that are crucial to know.

This book does focus on SM. One of my primary interests in bdsm is dominance and submission, bondage and discipline (especially this).

I will be looking elsewhere for books focusing on these things.
This book does have robe diagrams and how-to's but doesn't cover discipline.
Sienna Stone
Nov 15, 2015 rated it really liked it

As it was written 20 years ago, some of the information is dated, but the fundamentals of the power exchange dynamic are still sound.

Written in straightforward language, this book is a must-read for both those new to BDSM and more experienced practitioners. The book isn't just about techniques, it also explores the "why" of BDSM. The frequent reminders about safety and consent are good and have helped shaped the landscape of BDSM play even today.
Sep 15, 2012 rated it it was amazing
This was the first book I was "assigned" by a former partner when first discussing BDSM. I found it to be extremely informative and accurately named, very much a good 101-type book. Covers basics of common concerns, pre-engagement basics, consent, various practices, etc... I sometimes, find myself thumbing through this book on occasion to this day. ...more
Autumn Darling
Nov 16, 2012 rated it it was amazing
Absolutely phenomenal book for those new to BDSM. I've recommended it several times to people who are just learning about the world of Kink. I refer to it often and keep a copy near the bed for how-to's and refreshers. It's more of a textbook than anything else but it reads like a novel! Love, love, LOVE this book!! ...more
Oct 21, 2014 rated it really liked it
Really, this is an essential for anyone with less-than-vanilla predilections.

Wiseman has given us a fantastic primer for all things S&M; one that's not too squicky, or too vague. This is a great book to pass on to a lover with questions pertaining to SM play - especially if you underline key passages in pencil before sharing. ;)
Jun 29, 2007 rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: the kinky, the curious and their loved ones
an excellent, well-written and lucid introduction to a subject that makes many people squirm for no good reason. if you are even remotely interested in SM, alternative relationships, or in sex education, pick this up and read it.
Oct 26, 2007 rated it liked it
Shelves: i-read-this
The author reminded me of someone I knew in college. Someone whose kinky little paws never would have been allowed within 10 feet of me! What should have been a titillating read was, well, not so much.
Jun 21, 2008 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: bdsm
An awesome book for people who have an interest in trying BDSM with safety in mind. Seems to be written for couples, not pros.

It doesn't go into too much detail, but a good introductory overview to the most common interests and issues.
Nov 21, 2009 rated it really liked it
The title says it all... Although Wiseman can be infuriatingly smug and repetitive this book is a boon for anyone interested in the basics of BDSM. It is more clearly organized and significantly less cutesy than Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns, which is why I often turn to it.
Aug 07, 2013 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: bdsm
I became fascinated with the BDSM and D/s lifestyle when I started reading erotica and wanted to know more about it. This book gave me a better understanding about the lifestyle and was full of information.
Joe Rogers
Oct 06, 2016 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Sensible and informative approach to a taboo topic

In today's LGBT friendly world there is still not a lot of information on alternative sexualities, this book is an excellent primer.
Marie Blue
Jun 28, 2017 rated it really liked it
This is the most basic of the basics. A great starting point for anyone who is interested in kink. It focuses on safe, sane, and consensual and the bare minimum communication requirements when engaging in a non-vanilla relationship.

Transgender Bathroom
Jan 12, 2008 marked it as bagrat-topagwa
If you'd like to know what I thought of this book, please contact me directly and I'd be happy to discuss it with you.

All the best,

- TB
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