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The Five Love Languages of Teenagers

(5 Love Languages)

4.13  ·  Rating details ·  2,565 ratings  ·  303 reviews
At no other time have parents, teachers, and mentors been more desperate to find proven ways to reach teens. In response, best-selling author Gary Chapman presents The Five Love Languages of Teenagers -- practical guidance on how to discover and express the teen's primary love language. It is a tangible resource for stemming the tide of violence, immorality, and despair en ...more
Hardcover, 259 pages
Published December 1st 2000 by Northfield Press (first published March 1st 2000)
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 ·  2,565 ratings  ·  303 reviews

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Nov 04, 2009 rated it it was ok
I think I finished it. You know what? I KNOW I finished it. It doesn't matter if the statement is true because I refuse to pick it up again.

I can't understand why Gary Chapman would want to write another book about Love Languages (For teens this time) when the people who understood his first one (for spouses) would very likely be able to translate it into love for teens. The only logical explanation appears to be:for the money.

In any case, I don't care for this book. I think the paper it was wri
Kathrine Holyoak
Jun 03, 2011 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
The only reason I caught up to this series is because our bookgroup chose it. I surmised the gist of the method but had avoided it, perceiving it too "hocus/pocus, touchy/feely" for my likes. I intended to skim and quickly return it to the library. Imagine my surprise upon discovering parenting stategies that could have been so meaningful years and children ago. My loss, and my family's loss. Chapman has a gift for serving it straight up in a way that is neither belittling or naive. I credit him ...more
Yakking Yogini
May 08, 2012 rated it really liked it
The author has been a marriage/family counselor for over 30 years who addresses relationship issues from a Christian worldview. His main premise, that we all need unconditional love and that we all have a certain "love language" as part of our personality by which we most like to give and receive love. The trick is to discover your teen's primary love language and to express it as often as possible. I always wondered why my mother never gave me hugs and kisses, but lost buttons would magically a ...more
Oct 15, 2013 rated it did not like it
Shelves: read-in-2013
I liked the book, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate, so I bought this - I am going to have a teenager soon. And I am extremely disappointed in my purchase. I found this to be vaguely racist and homophobic, and also just poorly written. ...more
Feb 26, 2014 rated it it was amazing
This book found me at the library. When I say that, what I mean is that I work at the library and every so often a book will cross my path and speak to me and tell me to read it. This was one of those books.

My kids and I are going through a big change in our lives right now, and one of my priorities is to really connect with them and show them how important they are to me. After reading this book and having my kids all take the online assessment, I really feel like I have a better sense of how t
Sooho Lee
**true rating 3.5

The first '5 Love Languages' book I've read: very practical but a bit redundant. Chapman speaks from his own experience and other parents he has counseled--he knows his stuff. However, Chapman strongly appeals to one specific sect of families: suburban, Christian, middle-class, white families. This is understandable. Chapman is not a minority, therefore he has no expertise to speak into the complicated minority parent-teenager struggle. I've personally read this to understand ho
Jul 27, 2012 rated it it was amazing
Loved this book. If you have teens, you need this book. I read the first Love Languages and found it extremely helpful. This is basically the same but it goes into more detail of how to navigate the languages for the unique needs of your teen. For example, if your child's language is physical touch, how do you show that appropriately to your teenager. It helps you understand how best to show that love and then when to back off. I am planning on reading it again so the messages can really sink in ...more
Jan 26, 2014 rated it really liked it
Shelves: parenting
I was concerned that this book would get a little repetitive if it was only about love languages (which is a brilliant and useful concept). However, it was an all around great book about parenting teens. The author talked about changing the way we parent teens, setting boundaries, dealing with anger, listening, maintaining a good relationship, etc. And of course, the love language concept is a very important component of loving your teen well. If you can only read one book about parenting your t ...more
Aug 22, 2010 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I think this was a really helpful book to read - to try to understand my teenager a little better. I say try, because it's a constant battle. What I didn't like about the book is that most of the things that we battle over - the author relates it to their trying to be in control of their lives, and define themselves as their own person. While I value that, there are times when they still need to do things with their family, or what we ask - just because we ask them to.
Kristen Montigny
Mar 23, 2018 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: parenting

I had read the Love Languages of Marriage and the Love Language of Children several years ago. Now, in the season of parenting a 16 year old and a 14 year old, I thought I could use both a refresher course on the Love Languages and some new skills to help me improve in connecting and communicating with my teens.

This book was not simply a refresher course. It offers a lot of material not found in the book for children.

What was particularly helpful for me about this edition was the concept that a
Mar 28, 2017 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Initially, I was skeptical. Having read Chapman's primary "5 Love Languages", I thought that this might be an attempt to repackage the same material and sell another book. I was wrong.

In this book, Chapman does indeed re-introduce the concept of the 5 Love Languages, but through the lens of teenagers, the material is quite different. As usual, the author creates a wonderful mix of resonant wisdom, poignant stories to illustrate his points, and gentle encouragement for those parents who have turn
Rick Davis
Aug 10, 2018 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
As someone who very much appreciates Gary Chapman's 5 Love Languages tool, I was looking forward to seeing how he applies it to parenting teenagers. This book is full of some really good advice, and I would certainly recommend it. There are a couple of things that weaken the overall impact of the book, however. First of all, though Chapman is a Christian (an associate pastor), this book is not explicitly Christian. He talks about religious traditions and faith traditions, but the author doesn't ...more
Pam Cain
Jan 10, 2016 rated it did not like it
UGGGGHHHHHH....I've heard of the 5 love languages and I thought I've got a teenager, why not give it a try? A painful read...then I see it's the 4th edition. This guy has had one idea and has milked it for 20 or more years. I'm a Christian and I still found his leanings toward the Christian way, heavy handed. Not only has he milked the concept for every age group (upon further study) he also says the same thing about in five different chapters. What I learned. Not much but I did spend some time ...more
❀ Susan G
Sep 29, 2017 rated it did not like it
Shelves: 2017-reads

After finishing the audiobook above, I moved on the the version of love languages specific to teens. At times, it was insightful and made me think of what love language was important to each of my children.

This book may have had some great messages but I did not relate to the religious messaging and did not think the examples were representative of the issues that today’s teens experience. The tone seemed to express homophobic views as he talked about “imm
Micaela Moss
Apr 18, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
It was really good but I would suggest not letting your teens read it.... Just saying.
Aug 30, 2008 is currently reading it
This is a great review for parents of teenagers. It talks about the different methods that we can express love to our teenagers, when and how to utilize them, and how the five love languages apply to kids when they become teenagers versus when they were children.

I highly recommend this book for all parents-- and read it BEFORE they become teenagers so that you are prepared to grow and 'change' with them! Of course, I highly recommend the book The Five Love Languages of Children for all parents o
Sep 10, 2013 rated it liked it
Most people associate the "love languages" books with trying to make sense of a spouse's needs within the context of marriage, but the "teenagers" version is equally useful, if not as well known. Lots of great parenting material in here, but the most useful part is the love languages test, which a teenager can take to reveal what their needs are to themselves and to their parent/guardian. This is really valuable info for a parent who feels they don't know how to relate to their teenager... The b ...more
Tiff Miller
Aug 28, 2017 rated it really liked it
Recommends it for: Parents
This book has been one of the most useful parenting books I have ever read. Rather than methodology, it focuses on how to love your teen in a way that they will receive it. It builds on the premise that if a person feels emotional love from those closest to him or her, it will radically impact relationships and choices for the good.

I actually got quite a lot of encouragement and conviction out of these pages, but no condemnation. No promises or guarantees implying that my teens will "turn out ri
Nov 20, 2013 rated it really liked it
I read the original 5 Love Languages book and really like the message of the book. I wasn't sure if this one had any more information from the original but it was really worth the read with great insight into the teenage brain. The bottom line is that with teenagers you really need to give them all 5 love languages. Best lesson learned...not to take it personal that they want/need their independence. I also had my girls go on-line and take Gary Chapman's test. The result was mostly what I though ...more
Rock Rockwell
Oct 07, 2007 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: Christian teens who can read
Shelves: counseling, teens
OK - read the review on the 'adult' version of 5 Love Languages first. Now that adults know how to love each other, teens should be a cinch! Right? Why do you pause? Hold on... pray, and then wait until they are 25 then you will learn their love language (give them the adult book at that time). Until then, learn to show them the unconditional love of Christ... then they will know the real love language: God's!
Feb 02, 2011 rated it it was amazing
This was a great book and I would suggest it to anyone who has a teenager or soon to be teenager. I learned so much about my teenager and about myself. I have already started implementing some of the suggestions in the book and have seen a dramatic difference in my teen and her response to me. She seems different and happier. Our home is more pleasant and she is even doing her homework without being asked! I just needed to fill her love tank and be more patient.
Jun 20, 2011 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Not sure if the premise is correct about the five languages of love and their consequences in parenting, but the author does give some fairly obvious observations about how and why to foster the independence of a teenager. The religious referrals are particularly suspect in that their inclusion in essentially a how-to book from a psychologist (scientist) makes me question the science behind his advice. Yet, some things in this book are useful. Apparently, I need all the help I can get.
Apr 23, 2014 rated it it was ok
This guide started out well enough, but as many other reviewers pointed out, it gets repetitive and superficial from there. I was pretty impressed that the author could string out the basics of his five love languages concept for so long, without really adding any new information. Still, this gave me a refresher on perceiving the different ways teens express themselves, so I guess it was somewhat worthwhile. Skim through his original book, though, to get it all and save some time.
Oct 10, 2015 rated it really liked it
This book was good for me to read as my oldest is now a teenager. This was a wake up call to me--you can't fill your teenager's love tank the same way you filled it when he was a child. They are going through new phases and need our patience and unconditional love. There were practical tips on how to reach our teenagers and keep them close, while letting them gain independence. I recommend it to all parents of teens!
Michelle Lopez
Apr 01, 2020 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Although there are some interesting insights at times, and some techniques that I can see how can be helpful in finding a connection to our teenagers, the homophobia is unbearable as well as the clear campaign to be a traditional Christian family as the ultimate goal.

Word of advice for adoptive parents: don't even try! Our families are not even considered and some chapters might actually stir our own fears without giving us any useful advice.
Feb 08, 2011 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
To each his own. This is a great book for parents with teenagers. I have two and this book was right on queue. Raising teens in this day and age is difficult, but if you can figure out their love language and fill their tank, you will succeed. Thank you Dr. Chapman!
I use this book as a reference guide on a continuing basis.
Apr 02, 2014 rated it really liked it
I read two of Chapman's other Love Language books but still enjoyed this one. I loved hearing about the love languages applied specifically to teenagers. Chapman makes some great points about how the love languages can change from childhood to the teenager and within the teenage years. Great insight and wonderful ideas to apply in our own families.
May 27, 2014 rated it really liked it
I loved the original "Five Love Languages" and I'm always looking for ways to better connect to my teenager (soon to be multiple teenagers), so I thought this might be a great resource for me as a parent. And although this book wasn't revolutionary, it did spark more than a few ideas as well as encourage me to be intentional about showing them lots of love in their primary love language.
Eva Johnson
Oct 11, 2016 rated it it was ok
The counselor at my 7th grader's school recommended this as a guide to parent teenagers. This would probably be better suited for parents who are more religious. After reading this book, I would opt to recommend "How to talk so your teenager will listen, and how to listen so your teenager will talk."
Sep 15, 2017 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This is singly one of the best parenting books I've read. There's useful and valuable suggestions to connecting to your teen in a way that's authentic. Hands down as good if not better than the original. I say that in the spirit that raising teens is hard business. Definitely would recommend to anyone raising a teen and anyone banging their head against the wall to figure them out. :)
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Married more than 45 years to Karolyn, Dr. Gary Chapman is just the man to turn to for help on improving or healing our most important relationships. His own life experiences, plus over forty years of pastoring and marriage counseling, led him to publish his first book in the Love Language series, The 5 Love Languages®: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. Millions of readers credit t ...more

Other books in the series

5 Love Languages (10 books)
  • The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts
  • The Five Love Languages of Children
  • The Five Love Languages for Singles
  • The Five Love Languages: Men's Edition: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate
  • The Love Languages of God: How to Feel and Reflect Divine Love
  • Keeping Love Alive as Memories Fade: The 5 Love Languages and the Alzheimer's Journey
  • A Teen's Guide to the 5 Love Languages: How to Understand Yourself and Improve All Your Relationships
  • Sharing Love Abundantly in Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities
  • Building Love Together in Blended Families: The 5 Love Languages and Becoming Stepfamily Smart

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"Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do." -Benjamin Spock Calling all parents who have ever found themselves wondering:...
35 likes · 10 comments
“Parents who treat the teenager in the same manner in which they treated the child will not experience the same results they received earlier. When the teenager does not respond as the child responded, the parents are now pushed to try something different. Without proper training, parents almost always revert to efforts at coercion, which often lead to arguments, loss of temper, and perhaps, verbal abuse. Such behavior is emotionally devastating to the teenager whose primary love language is words of affirmation. The parents’ efforts to verbally argue the teenager into submission are in reality pushing the teenager toward rebellion.” 4 likes
“Some parents find the idea of asking permission to share their perspective ridiculous, or even offensive. “Why should I have to ask my teen permission to speak?” one father asked. The question is not whether the parents have the right to speak to the teenager, they do. The question is: “Do you want your teenager to listen to what you are saying?” Asking permission recognizes that she is an individual, and she has the choice of hearing what is in your heart and mind—or not hearing it. You are recognizing your teen as an individual. You are creating the climate for sympathetic dialogue. Parents” 3 likes
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