Aftermath: Picking Up the Pieces After a Suicide

by Gary Roe

USA Best Book Awards Winner The unthinkable has happened. Painful. Crushing. Traumatic. Confusing. Complicated. No chance to say goodbye. No final embrace, kiss, or touch. No opportunity to clear the air, ask and give forgiveness, or make amends. A life gone. The tsunami has come, and now you're left standing amid the aftermath. What do you do? Reach out and grab the hand of multiple award-winning author and grief counselor Gary Roe. Let him walk with you through this uncharted, forbidding territory. You need a companion who can be a source of comfort, perspective, hope, and healing. Let Gary journey with you through the aftermath and help you pick up the pieces and begin to rebuild your heart and life. Aftermath was written to... * Connect with your heart in all the pain, grief, and confusion. * Be a companion for you in this unwanted, heart-crushing process that has been thrust upon you. * Be a source of comfort, perspective, healing, and peace. * Provide practical tools to help you pick up the pieces and begin to rebuild your heart and life. In Aftermath, you can discover how to... * Be kind to yourself and patient with yourself during this incredibly hard time. * Manage the racing thoughts and volatile emotions that come. * Deal with other people and the unhelpful words and weird reactions that come your way. * Navigate the tough spiritual issues and faith questions that confront your soul. * Grieve in healthy ways that honor the one you lost, take your own heart seriously, and express kindness and compassion to those around you. * Abandon the notion of quick fixes, self-medicating relief, and the lying voice of addiction as a way out. * Latch onto the truth that no one is beyond repair and that anyone can heal - including you. * Use your grief as fuel for good and make this death count by living with more purpose and meaning than ever before. * Save lives and become part of the solution to this raging suicide epidemic. You didn't choose this road. You woke up on day and found you were on it. You're left standing in amid the aftermath. But you are not alone. Far from it. Let Aftermath become a understanding companion for you in the days ahead.

Genres: Grief, Self Help, Nonfiction

276 pages, Kindle Edition

Published November 27, 2019

About the author

Hi. My name is Gary.

My story began with a childhood of sexual abuse and numerous other losses. When my life began to unravel as a teen, another family took me in and changed the trajectory of my life. My healing journey began.

Eager to help others heal and grow, my heart turned outward. Over the next three decades, I served as a campus minister, a church-planting missionary in Japan, an entrepreneur in Hawaii, and a pastor. I'm currently work as a writer, speaker, and hospice chaplain.

After walking through deep valleys with thousands of people, I can say the following with confidence:

• We've all been wounded
• Healing isn't for sissies
• We’re all designed for impact
• The world needs us
• We must heal

I'm here to help. I'm no guru or master of anything. I'm a fellow struggler. I still bear the scars of my wounds. I grieve, get anxious, worry, and battle fear regularly. But I'm healing, and I'm growing.

Stop by my website. Drop me an email. I’d love to hear from you.

Reviews

[Joseph · Rating 4 out of 5]

Books on grief and mindfulness that I have read tend to reinforce the value of breathing, but as cohesive as this book was, I don't think there are enough adequate tools or friendly people to help process the residual shock of being choked by the person you are trying to grieve only days before they died by suicide.

There is a convoluted stigma attached to this.

Iterations of the word, "breath" are used over one hundred times in this book.

"You're more important than you realize." (93/285)

"Most people can't understand, so it's best not to expect them to." (164/285)

"I need safe people in my life." (174/285)

"Safe people naturally attract each other. Like magnets, they seem to intuitively recognize one another. Once they talk, the bond tends to form quickly." (174/285)

[Cheri · Rating 5 out of 5]

healing and helpful

Death is hard to navigate, suicide death is amplified in navigation.
Gary’s book is written in a way that the reader feels understood and encouraged.
The chapters are broken down by areas of grief and each end with a hopeful affirmation.
As someone who walked through the death of their first husband to cancer- I thought I knew … but as someone who recently walked through the death of my second husband to suicide- I had no idea how the shock and trauma of it would change the shape of grief.
Let these words help you are you walk through the unimaginable.

[Bernadette López McCollom · Rating 4 out of 5]

Of all of the books I’ve read on suicide, this one is the most comforting. Mentions all the personal struggles one goes through, and frequently reminds the reader to “guard their heart”. So basically it is a book on how to survive a suicide. I’m sure that I will be referring to this book again and again. Surviving a loved one’s suicide is no joke, I lost my son and it’s a daily struggle. Some days are better than others, and I do have to remind myself to “guard my heart”.

[Yuli · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lots of good point and ideas, a bit repetitive in the first part. Also, had to skip quite a bit of religion related ideas, God, Jesus and all that. But I also wrote things down and realised a few things for myself, which is helpful and comforting. So 4/5

[Kristen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Heartbreaking but helpful. Very practical advice but also stories from others to remind me I’m not alone. Not an easy read, but a needed one and one that I know I’ll come back to time and time again as I go through my journey of grief.

[Allison Berndt · Rating 5 out of 5]

I marked a lot of passages in this book that I will come back to whenever I need to hear them again. It took me 5 months to bring up the courage to finish this book and when looking over my marked passages before writing this review I realized that I have already been applying some of the things I learned. For instance the quote „Guilt is not a friend“.

I would definitely suggest this book to other people grieving a suicide, if asked for recommendations.

While it seems somewhat repetitive when reading through it front to back, I think it is a valuable resource when one might only have the strength or time to read a couple chapters at a time based on what a person might need to hear.

The accounts of other people are helpful, but I would have appreciated a few more varied circumstances to be displayed. It seems to focus a lot on people losing children, parents or a spouse. It would have been nice to also hear thoughts from other people who have lost a best friend or sibling.

[Sherri · Rating 5 out of 5]

I discovered Gary works on grief after the loss of my son to suicide. His book on grieving the loss of a child was a tremendous help. I only wish this book had been there four years ago too. Thank you Gary for tackling a subject that has become almost a norm in our society today. If you have lost someone to suicide or know someone who has, I would recommend this book. I have it on my kindle and have ordered a hard copy to give to my support group library.

[Sheila · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great, helpful book.

Lost my 16 year old daughter to suicide 4 months ago. This book helped me see that what I'm feeling is normal and gave suggestions on how to handle these feelings and thoughts. Everything mentioned in the book is spot on to what I am going through. Thank you for writing this book.

[Joel Bruneski · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found the book very repetitive, like it was designed as a reference and not to be read cover to cover.
There was some good stuff in gophers, though Not particularly helpful. Had to struggle to finish and not just give it up.

[Darlene Harris · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Aftermath: Picking Up the Pieces After a Suicide"
Loss is hard, especially when we are aware of the life of a loved one is coming to an end. But when out of the blue someone you love decides the inevitable by taking their own life well, there are no words that can describe the pain, hurt, the why. "Aftermath" is a resource I strongly recommend. Each chapter opens with a story of someone who has experienced suicide of a loved one. "Aftermath" by Gary Roe is a book every pastor, minister, evangelist. hospital and all helping professionals should have on their bookshelf. "Aftermath" includes considerations that can be helpful; Gary includes the formula he designed and uses with his client. I am a crisis counselor for Crisis Text Line, and "Aftermath" has provided an insight for me that helps me with those who are hurting because suicide invaded their lives. Thank you, Gary.

[Traci DePree · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some help, but could've been stronger

I only gave this book three stars because it was very repetitive. It felt self published, needed a good editor to combine and strengthen chapters to fully develop themes. The last chapter was the best--as a chaplain it seems the author is offering faith in God as an "It works for me; maybe it'll help you" solution, when as a true believer in the power of the gospel he should know it is indeed the ONLY source of healing in this incredible pain that is suicide grief. God's sovereignty is a place of deep comfort; but this author never goes there. I think there are better books by Christian authors out there that can offer true hope. That said, there are positive tidbits this book delivers that can help along the way, giving yourself grace to heal however that looks on you being a main point.

[Caroline Shelley · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Good can come out of the most devastating tragedies. We can be a part of this. We can think about, look for, and find ways to use this loss as motivation for living with more purpose and meaning than ever before. If we’re willing, death can teach us to live. Live now. Say what we need to say, now. Do what we need to do, now. Death strips us to our core and reminds us that people are what really matters. Relationships are what life is all about. We’ve gained wisdom through all this, though we may not be aware of it. We can pass that wisdom along by sharing our story. We can find other suicide grievers and support one another in meaningful ways. We can join with others in finding ways to make a difference. Grief turned to good is good grief indeed.”

[Susan C. Beabout · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the most poignant book I've ever read; it is a "to the heart" resource for those grieving suicide. I was deeply affected by this amazingly personal, detailed book on grieving suicide death. Gary Roe outlines the raw emotions and realities that touches my heart to help and reach out to others. He guides the reader in a gentle way on how to cope, heal, and gives practical actions for the triggers experienced. It is the most detailed grief book I've ever read, and I definitely recommend it to navigate life's most difficult and heart-wrenching loss!

[Rose Sypeck · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a lovely book. I like the short chapters with affirmations and points to consider -all in small bites -perfect for someone struggling to focus in the midst of the tragic and overwhelming loss from suicide. The stories shared offer hope and help us know that we are not alone and yes, we will survive this nightmare. Gary has an amazing sense of how we process grief and what we need to get there. I highly recommend this book for anyone who is grieving a loss by suicide or who knows someone who is struggling from such a loss.

[Leslie Behm · Rating 5 out of 5]

In reading this book, I was struck by (as always by Gary's insight). What I was not prepared for was the fact that it relates to so many traumas of lose of a loved one/friend. I am just getting back on my feet from a divorce I did not see coming. I am finding that much of Gary's insight in Aftermath is as important to me in my working through the loss I suffered. This is not to belittle the issue of suicide, it truly rocks one's foundation, but it can be useful for anyone suffering an unexpected loss that was unseen.

[Jana Olivas · Rating 5 out of 5]

My son committed suicide 10 years ago. My younger son still struggles with this and, after he had a big meltdown, I read this book to try to help him. It helped.me alot and I plan to offer suggestions from it to my surviving son. What really made sense for me was the advice about giving to others in memory of my deceased son. Use a bad thing to make a good thing happen. I had been doing this but I never really grasped why. Now, maybe my surviving son can put this into practice, too, to help him deal with the loss of his btother.

[Madeleine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Aftermath bears Gary Roe's unique stamp of compassion and understanding of grief. This book has brought me comfort and hope of healing from the devastation of the loss by suicide of my daughter 2 years ago. The stories of others who are walking this path, included in the book, have made me feel less alone in my grief. I wouldn't hesitate to recommend it.

[Cindy Connellan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gary did a great job of pinpointing the possible feelings after a death by suicide and what you can do to help yourself travel the road of grief. Loved it. While there are specific things for survivors of a death by suicide, there are helpful suggestions for anyone dealing with a sudden death from any cause.

[Karen Russo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh, my God, another amazingly helpful book by Gary Roe!!! My first experience with suicide was when a neighborhood friend's teen brother died by suicide & then a co-worker died by suicide at age 30. This is just another wonderful example of Gary Roe's work. This book is one of the best I've ever read. I highly recommend it to anyone who has lost a loved one to suicide.

[Connie Ferro · Rating 5 out of 5]

A wonderful book! Losing my brother to suicide has left our entire family numb. Reading this book has provided some understanding and comfort through this difficult time. I highly recommend this book as a must read!

[Carol Harris · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book helped me following a family members suicide. It covers many categories, like emotional impacts, spiritual impacts, relationship changes, and physical body effects. The author gives many examples, from years of experience helping families as as a psychologist and chaplain.

[Karen Gray · Rating 5 out of 5]

Whether you have had a loved one take their own life or you know someone who has (and that includes most of us), this book can help with all you may be going through. Whether your loss is recent or it has been years, there are still pieces to be picked up.

[Vicky Rodd · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a hard read but so useful . When my son died from suicide I could not see a future . This book helped to make sense of some of my feelings and that I was less alone . It validated my feelings . I still have a long journey but it helped

[Dee · Rating 5 out of 5]

Currently reading the book. It is great resource for anyone that is going through grief. I would highly recommend it, especially if you have lost anyone by suicide.

[Miss AL Humphrey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Such a helpful book

Full of insight and supportive information. A just read after experiencing a death by suicide. Short chapters and straightforward language.

[Lamy · Rating 1 out of 5]

Incredibly repetitive. So much religion.
Not my cup of tea, but props to author for writing it.

[Lisa Ann · Rating 5 out of 5]

Helpful book if you’ve had the misfortune of losing someone to suicide.