Girls on the Edge: Why So Many Girls Are Anxious, Wired, and Obsessed-And What Parents Can Do

by Leonard Sax

A parenting expert reveals the four biggest threats to girls' psychological growth and explains how parents can help their daughters develop a healthy sense of self.

In Girls on the Edge , psychologist and physician Leonard Sax argues that many girls today have a brittle sense of self-they may look confident and strong on the outside, but they're fragile within. Sax offers the tools we need to help them become independent and confident women, and provides parents with practical tips on everything from helping their daughter limit her time on social media, to choosing a sport, to nurturing her spirit through female-centered activities.
Compelling and inspiring, Girls on the Edge points the way to a new future for today's girls and young women.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Audiobook, Psychology, Gender, Womens, Family

320 pages, Paperback

Published August 25, 2020

About the author

Leonard Sax is an American psychologist and family physician. He is the author of Why Gender Matters (Doubleday, 2005; revised edition to be published in 2017); Boys Adrift: the five factors driving the growing epidemic of unmotivated boys and underachieving young men (Basic Books, 2007; revised edition, 2016); Girls on the Edge (Basic Books, 2010); and The Collapse of Parenting (Basic Books, 2015). The Collapse of Parenting became a New York Times bestseller.

Reviews

[booklady]

“Parenting is an art, not a science.”

Leonard Sax repeated this truism several times already before page 43. I gave my daughter his other book, Boys Adrift: The Five Factors Driving the Growing Epidemic of Unmotivated Boys and Underachieving Young Men, when my grandson was born because I had read an excellent article where he was interviewed, and it talked about the effects our culture was having on young men. Having grown up without brothers, I thought it might be helpful to her.

A few weeks ago, she suggested I get this book for her sister, who is mom of our other grandchild, a one-year-old, little girl so I did. I also got myself a kindle copy because they live out of state, and I wanted to read it too. It is an excellent book for parents of young girls, which I wish I’d had when my own girls were teenagers!

Dr. Sax begins his highly-readable book with three true stories about teenage girls, each caught up in one of the current cultural myths of happiness: 1) academic and eventual professional success; 2) relationship security; and/or 3) the beauty trap. He shows how the individual girls self-identify in/with these roles, thinking they represent safety through giving them a false sense of self. One girl buries herself in her studies, another becomes the friends she hangs out with and the third is her body. But in each case, the youth fail to develop a true sense of self and are always ‘on the edge’ of disaster.

Sax puts forth four factors which he says are putting girls at risk:
1) how our culture is pushing girls to present themselves sexually at earlier ages than ever before,
2) how the growing dominance of social media in the lives of girls leads to hyperconnectivity with their peers but disconnection from themselves,
3) how parents can determine whether their daughter’s interest in sports or good grades or fitness is healthy or destructive—and how to intervene before a girl goes over the edge, and
4) how toxins in the environment: in lotions and creams applied topically, or in food and beverages consumed orally, affect anxiety, depression, and weight.

In the last three chapters, Dr. Sax offers ideas he has gleaned from 20 years of experience of working with young people and their families. Of particular interest to me were his suggestions in the chapter on ‘Spirit’. He was bold enough to tell atheist parents that even if they don’t believe in a higher power, they need to recognize the spirituality of their daughters who might not believe as they do. He even offered ways for them to talk about prayer, which was excellent.

Highly recommended!

[sophia the first]

Teenager reading parenting books to grade my parents (Just kidding, I think they did fine)

But really, I love parenting books. They’re a perfect blend of interesting statistics, anecdotes, and life advice. Really, more teenagers need to read books about raising teenagers. As a female teenager myself, I feel like he hit a lot of nails on the head. He did get a little preachy praise Jesus at the end, but that wasn’t too overbearing. I just felt that as a medical professional, he shouldn’t be too in depth about his religion.

[Joel Hammett]

I had previously read Sax’s “The Collapse of Parenting” and wanted to follow it by reading this book he wrote about girls and another one about boys. The book as a whole was fantastic, but there were a couple parts that I skipped. Fair warning.

Sax has a really interesting intersection of specialties as an MD and a psychologist. He has a really down to earth philosophy of medicine, though not a Christian, spends lots of time talking about the benefits of spiritual pursuit. Many of the ideas he has about parenting are biblically derived, which is fascinating coming from a secular doc.

This book was an especially interesting window into how current culture affects adolescent girls… and some of the stark realities of modern culture. While he is not right about everything, I found his perspective mostly on point and he had some really interesting insights into some very pressing issues.

Read “The Collapse of Parenting” first, and then these specific books. I’m really interested to read his book on boys now…

[Cindy]

As the parent of teenage girls and an educator as well, any insight in the teen mind is welcome. Mr. Sax shares data-backed reasons anxiety is increasing in our girls today. He provides plenty of evidence to make a convincing case. But what can we do about it? Suggestions are made by the author on how to address these issues, but this is where I find the book falls short. Some good ideas are included, but they often have a one size-fits-all approach or require societal change. While I agree single-sex schools have their advantages, not all parents have this option. What else can parents do? Social media is having an impact on girls, but I flat out disagree with his suggestion of putting monitoring software on my daughters phone. Where are the suggestions to wait until a child is old enough to need a phone, limit the model of the handheld device, establish a relationship built on trust, and/or require access to said phone at any time? Again, I would like to have seen more parenting strategy suggestions.
Overall I do recommend this book. Important issues are addressed: things that are easy to overlook in the day-to-day routine of raising girls, things that may have an impact before we think they will affect our girls. Armed with this knowledge, parents can better help their daughters navigate the teen years.

[Tammy Sutcliffe]

I’d like to encourage every mother of a daughter 4 and up to read this enlightening, well researched book. I have 5 daughters 38-18 and I found some great insight that can be utilized with them and also with my granddaughters!! This book addresses many different areas and has valuable information that each of us can be made more aware of, to help these wonderful, adaptive, beautiful children we have been blessed with!!#GIRLSONTHEEDGE#LEONARDSAX

[Megan]

Interesting read if you have daughters, but multiple claims made in the book I’d argue against. I went into this book with little knowledge of the author, but he has obvious biases. The biggest take away that is positive is let your girls be little, avoid sexualizing them especially at an early age, and let their identity be more than what they achieve.

[Austianna Wilson]

DNF but I got the gist

[Kathryn Troyer]

Must-read for anyone raising, coaching, teaching or helping to raise girls.

[Rachel]

As the mother of three daughters ages 9, 14, and 19 this book was helpful in understanding how to parent them more intentionally amidst the common societal pressures they are facing.

The research and personal accounts were presented thoroughly and helped shed light on the current issues facing girls today (anxiety, social media, and pressure to perform through good grades, sports, etc). It offered insight I hadn't considered prior to reading this book, and I feel more educated and informed regarding signs and tendencies that may be concerning red flags.

Already, this book has helped me be more attentive in parenting my girls; it has encouraged me to evaluate the methods I'm using to teach them necessary skills and habits while supporting each of their own unique identities and personalities so they have confidence to become who they were created to be.

[Kelsey]

Read this book if you are raising a daughter and want to stay informed of the pressures they face. I don't agree with all of it, but the insight is worth the read to get clued in to their world.

[Jessica Reeves]

After reading Boys Adrift I was excited to read this book as a mother to both a younger boy and a preteen girl. I was disappointed by this book and found it to be a male perspective on females. I was bothered by the author always referring to leggings as “skin tight leggings” and ignoring that most females wear leggings because they are comfortable and versatile, they also perfect for girls who are still growing as they stretch, most females don’t wear them to be sexy. That is a male perspective.

I was also bothered by the reference to ignore/distract a girls feelings about feeling left out and direct her attention elsewhere. Invalidation of their emotions is not healthy and they need to be addressed and taught healthy ways to deal.

There were some good takeaways but overall I was disappointed.

[Jemima]

A school summer reading assignment. I guess these are the girls that sit behind their desks in my room now. I wasn't aware of some of the experiences he speaks of though I must say I have seen a definite rise in mental health issues among the girls I teach. So this book was helpful to get something of a glimpse into a teenage girl's mind. Research I questioned - 70% of women who drink coffee regularly also drink alcohol. (Maybe. I guess. Hard to imagine though.) A thought I appreciated - teenage girls need older, mature women in their lives more than they need their peers.

[Lydia Burtenshaw]

This one was kind of a lot of information to take in all at once… the biggest thing I took from it was how important it is to help girls have confidence in who they truly are. It’s easy for girls to tie all their self worth into what they look like, their education, sports or things they’re good at, etc., but what really determines their success and happiness in life is knowing who they are (spiritually I’d say) and creating a self worth that isn’t dependent on other people’s approval. Gave me lots to think about!

[VBergen]

I didn't agree on some of his affirmations (like not drinking at all is bad), but overall it was a good book. I prefer The Collapse of Parenting: How We Hurt Our Kids When We Treat Them Like Grown-Ups though

[Kaitlin Red Elk]

3.5⭐️
I really enjoyed the amount of statistical research put throughout this book. And there were a good handful of quotes and nuggets of wisdom this book had to offer.
However, I found it to be biased and one-sided in terms of opinion and suggestion. I'm fine with the author expressing their opinion, but its another to use words like "you must" or "do this, etc."

Overrall, I think its a good, informational resource. Just have to know when to chew up the good and spit out the bad.

[Khanaja Scott]

Sax writes with a level of nuance and ingenuity rare today. He does not make shallow assumptions based on his beliefs, but portrays well-researched and evidence-based solutions to ever present issues that modern day girls experience today. His writing style is unique and engaging, making this investigative how-to on parenting as hard to put down as any YA thriller. This is an excellent book for parents who want solutions instead of further despair and hopelessness.

[Jo]

A profound and important book for any person who is around young girls and women. An extraordinarily important book for parents of girls.

There are many factors pressing down on our girls today in a way where they grow up anxious and unsure of themselves. This book details these factors and what you can do to help our girls step off “the edge.”

[Jeff Miller]

I enjoyed the research data and the illustrative anecdotes presented in this book. Even though I don't have daughters, I hope to one day have granddaughters and this book provided some suggestions for helping young women thrive in a society that is working to destroy their self esteem.

[Katie Elmer]

I was skeptical at first to read a book about girls written by a dude, but I was very pleasantly surprised by the insights this guy shares. Honestly a wake up call for women my age, too: stop performing and start living. I saw myself as a girl and adolescent in many of his client stories.

[Mary Porter]

The best piece of advice from this book is that, as girls are growing up, they should have friendships with different ages of women and not always stay within their peer group. Overall great book with lots to think about as my daughter grows.

[Keshia]

I felt there wasn't as much practical advice as he gave in his book for boys. But really good info.

[Andrea Renfrow]

This is a must read for parents, grandparents, teachers, and coaches of girls.

[Sheri]

Every parent needs to read this book.

[Emily]

Audiobook. A great book about the challenges our girls are facing and what parents can do to help.

[Courtney]

So fascinating and heartbreaking to hear of the struggles of girls and especially adolescent girls. I will definitely re-visit this as my daughter ages

[Mary Kate]

So practical, readable. Highly recommend.

[Marla]

I learned so much from this book. I learned a lot about myself while learning how to be a better presence to the women and girls in my life.

[Jessie Jones]

any mother of girls should read this.

[Nur Rabiah]

Beautiful book that explains everything a girl or her parents should know about her from A to Z. It really engages the reader from the many experiences and stories told by Sax.

[Soo Yen]

This book carries many solid observations and theories. I had read Dr Sax's other two books i.e Why Gender Matters and The Collapse of Parenting, so some parts feel like a rehash, but overall this is a highly informative book for any parent who wishes to understand more about the psychology of tween/teen girls.