12 Smart Things to Do When the Booze and Drugs Are Gone: Choosing Emotional Sobriety Through Self-Awareness and Right Action

by Matthew Boston (Narrator), Matthew Boston (Narrator)

The author of the classic 12 Stupid Things That Mess Up Recovery offers a fresh list of "smart" things to do to attain and sustain emotional sobriety. Whether it's called "dry drunk" or "white knuckle sobriety," it's that stage in recovery when we realize that "putting the plug in the jug" isn't enough. The next step is taking responsibility for the emotional immaturity that fuels our addictive personality and has a tremendous impact on ourselves and others. Allen Berger, PhD, draws on the teachings of Bill W. and psychotherapy pioneers to offer twelve hallmarks of emotional sobriety that, when practiced, give people the confidence to be accountable for their behavior, ask for what they want and need, and grow and develop a deeper trust in the process of life. These smart things include: understanding who you are and what's important to you; learning not to take others' reactions personally; trusting your inner compass; and taking responsibility for your reactions to problematic situations. It is in these practices that we find release from what Bill W. described as an "absolute dependency" on people or circumstances, and develop the tools to find prestige, security, and belonging within.

Genres: Self Help, Addiction, Audiobook

Audio CD

First published January 1, 2010

Reviews

[Jeri]

This book is about Emotional Sobriety. I think even non-addicts can gain a lot of insight from the book.

[Steve]

Like an intro post-graduate course

Twelve steps, fine. But it’s easy to treat it like a checkbox and not keep learning. They are my foundation but after reading this great book, realize extracting the life satisfaction and value inherent in achieving (and practicing) Emotional Sobriety, will bring my development as a human being, to the next level. I read this with a couple guys, reading the chapter and discussing it each week. Got so much out of the experience and looking forward to the application for which this book spells out a framework. Solid read after getting some time under your belt yet sometimes feel in a lull.

[Sonja]

Very insightful and helpful for anyone, but especially those that had their emotional maturity stunted by alcohol and/or drugs and have already gone through the AA program or gotten sober and now want to work on themselves.

The only downside I see is that the author is making the material a little more complicated than it needs to be by making it into 12 things (12 steps, get it?). He also has another book on 12 something-or-other.

[Jay Rothermel]

"You can only achieve emotional sobriety if you are living your life, rather than meeting someone else’s expectations."

[Jean]

Great reading

I enjoyed this book from start to finish. The quality of our recovery is determined by how we respond to the problems or challenges in our lives. But because we don’t know how best to respond to these issues, we end up stuck and frustrated. This book help me to unstuck.

[Abigail]

This is an extraordinary book. So helpful! The title is misleading as the implication is you have to be a drunk or an addict for it to apply. It may be the next step in their sobriety, but for those of us without an addiction it is the next step in our personal evolution. Emotional sobriety is something that every human being should be working on for their own sake.

[Courtney Borgen]

Thought provoking and honest

Good read for someone early on in their sobriety journey, it gives valuable information on the hard truth that you and you alone are the catalyst for change in your life. Dr. Berger also provides so refreshing and unique ways in which we can change our perspective and outlook on life to achieve inner peace and contentment.

[Paula Maria]

Fantastic piece on emotional sobriety. And, like his “12 Stupid Things,” I appreciate the dozen items which reflect the 12 steps in their own way. Also, his real life examples from clients are quite helpful in seeing his words put to action. I’ll be revisiting this one again and again, I’m sure.

[M]

The author makes very good points. I am not an addict, but this book is exactly what I was looking for!

[Matt Schiavenza]

A fantastic, hugely-important book whether you're in recovery or not.

[Mark Tuggle]

A really good read with simple specific steps to take on the road to emotional sobriety.

[Abracadebra]

I found this information to be extremely helpful and easy to read.

[Alese O'Donnell]

Somewhat repetitive but had some very good nuggets in there

[LemontreeLime]

AA stuff.

[Britt]

Not sober. Just a helpful read for anyone working on themselves.

[Cynthia]

This is an excellent book and not just for those in recovery. A must read for all who strive for autonomy in healthy relationships.

[Lorileinart]

wow, here are some of the amazing NEW suggestions for becoming a better person:
KNOW YOURSELF
STOP TAKING THINGS PERSONALLY
STOP PRESSURING OTHERS TO CHANGE
COMFORT YOURSELF WHEN YOU ARE HURTING...

Why didn't I ever think of these things on my own??

[Allen Berger]

This is my latest book and it rocks. I loved writing this book and the person in recovery is finding it quite helpful.

[Amy]

Very good. There really aren't enough books like this.
Getting sober is hard, but staying sober and dealing with life as a sober person is hard also.

[Ietrio]

Very emotional fluff targeted at already vulnerable people. Unethical. But hey, the dude has a PhD.

[Louie van Bommel]

There is more in here about maintaining your autonomy in a relationship than there is about staying away from your booze and drugs. It's one of the top books I read this year, and I would certainly read it again.