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Why Him? Why Her?: Understanding Your Personality Type and Finding the Perfect Match
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Why Him? Why Her?: Understanding Your Personality Type and Finding the Perfect Match

3.87  ·  Rating details ·  2,573 ratings  ·  295 reviews

A groundbreaking book about how your personality type determines who you love.

Why do you fall in love with one person rather than another? In this fascinating and informative book, Helen Fisher, one of the world’s leading experts on romantic love, unlocks the hidden code of desire and attachment. Each of us, it turns out, primarily expresses one of

Hardcover, 222 pages
Published January 20th 2009 by Henry Holt and Co. (first published January 2009)
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Average rating 3.87  · 
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 ·  2,573 ratings  ·  295 reviews

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So I recently picked-up the audio version of this from the library and though I’ve been listening to it, I didn’t list it as “currently reading”, because, I mean look at the title -- it’s embarrassing: Why Him? Why Her? Finding the Perfect Match. Who wants that shit in their update feed?

I didn’t listen to it so I could find my “perfect match” -- but the psychology and biology behind attraction and love interest me. And perhaps to a greater extent, personality typing interests me; particularly th
Mar 04, 2009 rated it really liked it
This book was one I initially didn't think would be too interesting and informative for me - I've basically had the same romantic partner for 34 years. But because I continue to do research for my show "Brain Chemistry For Lovers", and because I admire Dr. Fisher's work and heard her lecture about this book, I decided to give it a try. Once again she has shifted my perspective of relationships and how they work (or don't) - not just in romantic love, but in all human interactions.

I hesitate to
May 13, 2014 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
This book aims to help people find their correct partner for love and marriage-the brain chemistry for romantic love.
It centres around the supposition that there are four basic personality types, controlled by the dominant chemical element in the body.
The author begins with the statement that scientists now believe that some 50% of the variations in human personality are associated with genetic factors and we inherit much of the factors of the mind.
She however further reminds us that ones person
Aaron Milavec
Nov 26, 2013 rated it really liked it
Currently reading Helen Fisher, WHY HIM? WHY HER? (2009). Found her book at the library. I’ve read most of it and I’m identifying myself as an Explorer:

You seek adventures of the mind and senses. You are very curious and creative, and you are willing to take some risks to pursue your interests. Adaptable and optimistic, you can be easily bored when you’re not doing something interesting. You have a lot of energy, and you tend to be spontaneous or even impulsive.

You are more creative than other p
Jennifer Tse
Jul 20, 2009 rated it did not like it
At first, I found the personality quizzes pretty interesting and entertaining, but she doesn't provide an explanation/solution about what to do with the personality results much. Upon closer examination, her argument is logically flaw. She provides 4 categories of personalities, but I scored some points on all 4. So there are parts of me in every type and it's not linear, just like others are not linear. There is around 306 million people (stated in Wikipedia) in America, but she didn't go into ...more
Feb 17, 2009 rated it really liked it
While "Why Him? Why Her?" is presented and marketed as a discussion of the psychology behind romantic relationships, it excels as an introduction to the brain chemistry which drives personality and friendship. In this respect, it is an engaging read.

The book begins with a brief personality test and then introduces the reader to the four primary personality types: Explorer, Builder, Director, and Negotiator. This structure allows the reader to compare their own experience with that of each arche
Andy Bigley
Apr 28, 2016 rated it it was amazing
The data and relationship insight Fisher provides is nothing short of evolutionary. The book is my 'gateway drug' into a hunger for deeper understanding of what makes us all tick, but more importantly, how we synchronize with a partner. The science that backs Fisher's findings avoids the purely feel-good but ultimately hollow and baseless recreational reading that often passes for relationship 'advice.' Not only will you learn about yourself and why you often do (or don't do) exhibit certain pat ...more
Dec 14, 2014 rated it it was amazing
Fantastic! A must for anyone interested in self-understanding and a deeper understanding of those around you, and your relationships. I resonated with her personality categories, now having a more nuanced understanding of the people in my life, past and present, and how our interactions have been influenced by our respective types and traits. I experienced a significant gain in insight, which is always quite valuable and so fascinating.
Theresa ♫
Jun 29, 2012 rated it liked it
Recommends it for: Fellow humans in search for the rules of attraction
I'm typing this review as a 15-year-old. (A really klutzy, naive, childish, immature 15-year-old. And even though I AM a 15-year-old, I've been mistaken for being 11 within the last week, so I also LOOK childish, too.)

Anyway, I've had to deal with crushes and love in the past 3 years and I've made so many huge mistakes, but I think I can say that I do know what love is. (Sort of. A little bit.)

First of all, it's kind of interesting how there's a book about such a thing because love is so freakis
Mar 21, 2014 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: popular-science, 2014
It's okay—

While Helen Fischer's categorization of people's personalities into four types based on neurotransmitters and hormones is interesting, it ultimately succumbs to simplification, though to her credit she does admit the complexity of personalities by qualifying her statements and presenting other factors influencing your personality. The simplification, however, works sometimes (though I'm not sure if it's just theory-induced blindness coupled with confirmation bias), and you realize ther
This was very interesting. I need to read it again.
Apr 10, 2017 marked it as dnf
I really tried to give it a chance, but I couldn't continue listening to the audiobook. ...more
Dany Vicente
Oct 15, 2018 rated it liked it
I first started to read this book because i was curious to know more about behaviour traits and personality types. In the beginning of the book I was very pleased to read the biological factors that could lead to the different types of personalities, but after a while the book took a very linear path reducing the magnificent and complex human machinery into a bare two dimensional world.
Despite the failures this simple model looks quite applicable to the real world for a very basic categorisation
Wendy Bunnell
Feb 20, 2019 rated it really liked it
I'm taking a writing class about characters with different personality types, and this is one of the four books. I hadn't read or heard of the concepts in this book before.

The premise is that the hormones in our body cause people to fall into four personality types based on serotonin, estrogen, testosterone, and dopamine. The four types are
Explorer - dopamine, example, Helen Keller
Builder - serotonin, example, George Washington
Director - testosterone, example most CEOs
Negotiator - estrogen, ex
Monica Miller
Nov 29, 2017 rated it it was amazing
This book is a total life-changer for me. I learnt a lot of things about my personality type and that it's okay to be in a certain way, and that it's normal. It made me feel a lot better, and I had better understanding on my relationships with my friends and close ones.

I can't wait to read more books written by Dr. Fisher.
Feb 10, 2009 rated it really liked it
I was on Fox News' Red Eye with this author a few weeks ago. I was ready to write her off as a quack pot psychologist, probably because I was quite literally judging the book by the cover. I don't love the title but I did enjoy the book itself. I'm glad I received a copy after the show and even more glad that I picked it up a few nights ago before I fell asleep.

Fisher is a highly qualified biological anthropologist. She describes four archetypes of the human race. She scientifically discusses w
Sep 17, 2017 rated it liked it
Helen Fisher separates people into four personality types based on a dominant chemical in the brain and the character it brings out. We have the dopamine, serotonin, testosterone and estrogen systems which correlate to the Explorer, Builder, Director and Negotiator. You take the test and tally up your score which gives you your Primary and Secondary type.

PRO of the book: It really sunk in for me that there truly are radically different personality types that each function and thrive in differen
Jun 22, 2014 rated it it was amazing
Why Him? Why Her? has two Why's in it because its alternative title is "Why 2: The Sequel to Why We Love?"

Helen Fisher's sequel to Why We Love has all the same characteristics of the original book: an extraordinary amount of cultural references combined with many academic references to psychological and anthropological studies. In my opinion, she is more careful to address issues with transexuals and homosexuals than she was in her first book. However, unlike her first book she is not laying out
Oct 27, 2012 rated it liked it
Self-help, desperation title aside, I didn't see this as a read intended to help me find the perfect match. Which is good, because that's not what it's about.

I heard Helen Fisher's TED talk and found it very interesting, so I decided to read her book.

Being that she is an academic that studies romantic love form an inter-disciplinary angle, I was eager to hear her thoughts.

I'd say I walked away from the book with a much stronger understanding of myself in relationships, the people around me and
Stephanie Thoma
Jun 23, 2020 rated it really liked it
A classic, breaking down the personality types of a builder, explorer, negotiator and director. We typically have a primary and secondary, like with our love languages!
Here’s a quick overview of each type:
- builder: values tradition and order
- explorer: values spontaneity and adventure
- negotiator: values emotions and philosophy
- Director: values power and sex

Other things that stood out:
- iris of the eye, crypts or pits signal warm-hearted and tender negotiator traits and furrows, those line
Oh, I am indeed a Negotiator yet I never end up being with Directors since they intimidate me a bit but somehow we are a perfect match. The paradox is that subconsciously I know that I always need and look for Directors qualities, but somehow I find men which are Negotiators like me.

The first link to H. Fisher test is about the current state of your love life, and the second link tests your personality.
María Ramírez
I'll admit I skipped the very last couple of pages. I'm interested in biology and studying attraction, I do not want dating tips. And the last part of it felt like I was reading a self-help book, which is awful. I was very, very excited to read this book because I like Helen Fisher (I've seen her TED Talks, I've read a lot about her research and I'm a builder), but this was so tedious for me. She was telling us the same thing over and over and over again, and it was just a disappointment. ...more
Jun 18, 2015 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: 2015
Loved this book! Dr. Fisher's background in anthropology gives a unique look into personality types due to our chemical makeup and why we pick the people we do to date. She explains how we unconsciously pick "mates" based on natural selection. The theories and research in this book are fascinating and if I decided to Internet date I would be more inclined towards or due to the way she has helped design the matching process. ...more
Jul 26, 2015 rated it liked it
This book was recommended by a friend so I gave it a try. This book gave insightful details about different personality types and what values drive different people to act the way they do. It helped me understand all of my relationship better, not just the romantic ones. I was skeptical about the title, but I'm glad I decided to read it anyway. ...more
Nov 05, 2016 rated it it was amazing
I loved this book. Must read for anyone who is In a relationship, was in a relationship and want to be in a Relationship.
Allison Lyman
Jan 22, 2018 rated it it was ok
This book felt more like an online Cosmo quiz than a psychological insight.
Jun 11, 2016 rated it liked it
155.264 FIS
CD 155.264 FIS
author is the scientific adviser to, a division of

I write HelenFisherPersonalityType.html to test personality type.

Some points that excludes in this book
1. p 39 Extroversion vs. Introversion, often ignore in definition of difference: how you get your energy. Extroversion get energy from others. Introvert are oriented inward, become relax and rested and reward when turns to inwards.
2. p41 neuroticism and anxiety.

Notes in this book:
1. Personality
Nov 08, 2017 rated it it was amazing
This book was a bit of a slog but inside is a rosetta stone. Honestly I didn't like the writers style. If you're conservative you're going to hate her examples. I'm liberal AND an explorer/negotiator and have watched her TED talks and I still had trouble liking her. Maybe because in classic explorer fashion she didn't like talking about herself enough to make herself seem relatable. Or maybe it's because I'm skeptical about the evolutionary psychology she dabbles in. Whatever the case, if you ca ...more
Jan 15, 2012 rated it liked it
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Shaun Marais
Nov 25, 2017 rated it liked it
Since Fisher's books aren't published in my country, I had to import it. I really wanted to read one of her books after watching Fisher's Ted Talks. She is an excellent speaker!

However, there are some problems with 'Why Him? Why Her'. While I do believe that personality is governed by brain chemicals, I feel that Fisher relies too heavily on her surveys and research in generalising personality traits to dopamine, serotonin, estrogen and testosterone. According to Fisher, creativity is associated
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Helen E. Fisher is an anthropology professor and human behavior researcher at the Rutgers University and is one of the major researchers in the field of romantic interpersonal attraction.Prior to becoming a research professor at Rutgers University, she was a research associate at the American Museum of Natural History in New York City.

By many accounts, Fisher is considered the world’s leading expe

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