The Friendships of Women

by Dee Brestin

Do you remember your best friend from grade school? Your time together was precious; your fights were devastating. Even at that young age, the power of friendships between girlfriends was undeniable. When The Friendships of Women debuted in 1987, it struck a chord within women worldwide. At last, a book addressed the unique power—and occasional pain—of women's friendships. Updated for women who face increasing challenges today, Dee continues to explore the depths and heights of women's friendships and shows you how to nurture your friendships to new levels of intimacy and trust. Join her as she looks at three biblical models of women's friendships. You'll soon discover how to increase the power and reduce the pain in your closest, most meaningful relationships.

Genres: Christian, Nonfiction, Christian Living, Christianity, Womens, Spirituality, Relationships

164 pages, Paperback

First published April 1, 1988

About the author

Dee Brestin (http://www.deebrestin.com) is excited about seeing lives changed. Her most recent book is Idol Lies where she tells how the Lord set her free of manipulating people and healed her relationships. Her book The Friendships of Women has sold over a million copies and was recently released in a 20th Anniversary Edition. Falling in Love with Jesus has sold over 400,000 copies. Dee has written twenty Bible studies, the first of which, Proverbs and Parables, has been in print for over thirty years. A graduate of Northwestern University, Dee has studied with Covenant Seminary. She is the mother of five grown children and lives in Wisconsin.

Reviews

[Debbie · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book is better if read with a group. Mrs. Brestin's opinions and biblical study techniques need to be discussed with others to see if Scripture backs them up. Many times she would name drop, such as, so-and-so said this, or my-good-friend-so-and-so said that, giving that person the authority of someone who knows the Scriptures, without giving footnotes where she found the reference. I found this book very frustrating, and our study group eventually decided after Chapter 8 that we had had enough and would not finish it. Her generalizations of Naomi's feelings alone were enough to make me uncomfortable. We need to be careful how we interpret Scripture in light of the times it was written in, not according to our times or according to our own feelings. I do not recommend this book nor this author. There are other better Bible researchers. This book is based on opinion. Read it as such. Women, beware.

[Christina · Rating 3 out of 5]

I don't think I've ever read anything by Dee Brestin before, and I enjoyed hearing her voice and her story within this book. I also appreciated this is a revised edition, because it was interesting to read Dee's thoughts on what she regretted writing in earlier editions and why.

This book has some good discussions on friendships and a lot of practical advice. There are lots of touching personal stories and good biblical insight. I wouldn't say there is anything life-changing in here (hence the three stars), although I wish I'd had read this book earlier in life so I could have been on the watch for some "alligators" I've encountered along the way. There are chapter discussion questions and end of book questions which would make this great for a small group study.

[Aedan Hall · Rating 1 out of 5]

if i could give this 0 stars i would. these are some of the worst takes imaginable. it is evident with every word how much the author genuinely hates women.

[Katheryn · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book in college and have loved it since. I am now reading the revised version and am more intrigued than ever with it. Dee has so much understanding of the differences between women and men and she offers advice, encouragement, and wonderful anecdotes regarding the friendships of women. The revised version is definitely better than the copy I read during college. She has learned so much over time and improved the content. God has given her wonderful insight and wisdom into the friendships of women. I think every woman should read this.

[Joy · Rating 3 out of 5]

The book begins with the statement: "In our society it seems as if you've got to have a bosom to be a buddy." Women are much more likely than men to have a close confidant.

"Part of women's ability to sustain themselves in older years depends on their capacity of constructing a network of friends."
"One of the costliest mistakes we can maker is to have a weak Christian for a 'best' friend."
"I ask the Lord to make me alert to 'poets,' to signs that mind has resisted the world's mold: perhaps she doesn't own a TV, or is home schooling her children, or haunts the library, or asks probing, caring questions revealing an unselfish and healthy curiosity."

Good questions to ask:
What concerns have been on your heart lately?
What have you been thinking about lately?

[MaryAnne Hommel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Updated and Made Better

I never read the earlier version of this book. Updated content that reflects the changes in the world since it's first publication are good, but the real value comes from the insight gained as the author has grown. Her revisions to previous convictions are well thought out, her humility sweet and sincere, and the content is better for it. Not a typical Titus 2 book but great practical insight and application on gaining and growing godly friendships.

[Melissa (Semi Hiatus Until After the Holidays) · Rating 1 out of 5]

I had an older copy (1997) and there are some very cringe-worthy things here. The scripture interpretations are even a little iffy.
The biggest cringy chapter was about homosexuality and the promotion of the HARMFUL Exodus ex-gay ministry.
Into the trash this book goes

[Janelle Bond · Rating 5 out of 5]

There is a lot of Biblical wisdom in this book regarding relationships with friends. It was very helpful to me.

[Denise · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dr. James Dobson recommends this book for all women to read. I agree!

[Ellie Coleman · Rating 2 out of 5]

It was okay. It didn’t really change my life or anything

[Kathryn · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good for information on getting and keeping friends.

[Elyssa Vazquez Bornas · Rating 1 out of 5]

Yikes.

[Jennifer Reese · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of my favorite books!

[Suzan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book in 1990 and loved it. I am adding it to my Goodreads list so that I have a record of reading it.

[Sarah]

Why do all these books on friendship feel depressing and focus on the negative?

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fabulous book on the particular nuances of female friendship. Practical tips and spot on with its insights of the emotional complexities and peculiarities of relationships between the fairer sex. I was inspired to be a better friend and also to have more grace and clearer expectations for those that have hurt me as a friend. Note: I borrowed the old original 1980s version from a friend which was great. However, for use in a 2020s women’s Bible study, I would recommend the more modern 2008 version.

[Rachel B · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was written back in 1988, and it honestly reminded me a little of an older, Christian version of Friendships Don't Just Happen!: The Guide to Creating a Meaningful Circle of GirlFriends, though I liked that one a little better, I think.

I enjoyed reading about women's friendships from a Christian perspective, but I didn't learn much that was new from this book. Also, there were a few pieces that didn't seem to fit into the purpose of the book. For example, when talking about David and Jonathan's friendship, the author goes on a bit of a tangent to try and prove that both men were right-brained. One, does that really matter? And two, it can't be proven anyway, considering they've both been dead a long time!

Overall, this book fell a little flat for me. I'm glad I only paid 26 cents for it at a thrift shop. :)

[Georgia Herod · Rating 5 out of 5]

While written many years ago, Dee Brestin has captured the heart of women's friendships. The first time I read it, I recall stopping, looking around behind me to see if she were walking in my shadow! I was experiencing with my 10-year-old daughter exactly what she describes as evidence of women's being created for the capacity of deep friendships. She also addresses the downside of our desire for intimacy, stressing that only Christ can fill all our heart needs. Using David and Jonathan, Naomi and Ruth, Elizabeth and Mary from the Bible as models, she informs the reader but also challenges the reader in the gift of friendship. Rereading it was a joy!

[Kimberly · Rating 3 out of 5]

When I began reading the book I was reading a few other items and participating in other activities. Therefore, trust that it will NOT take you as long to read the book. I took large breaks from it, sometimes to contemplate the text.

I was very pleased with the Scriptures provided. I liked that there were questions to ponder at the end of each chapter.

I plan to re-read the book to answer the questions more thoroughly and to discuss the chapters with friends. I'm also hoping that maybe our church will begin a book club and that this could be one of the book selections.

If I could, I'd give 3.5 stars rather than just 3.

[Eva · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an excellent book to read for advice and understanding all relationships. I found it to be an easy to understand conflict resolution book. The Friendships of Women discusses how women relate to women, how a strong friendship can be broken, and how to come to terms with issues that break relationships.

If you have had a conflict with anyone, male or female, I recommend reading this book so you can resolve the conflict God's way.

[Mary · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a book to read and pick back up in a few years and read again. The reason that I say this, is that it is a good book about female relationships, but it is also a good book about husband/spousal male relationships and might help you at different times of your life and journey. It happen to hit a high note with me in understanding some needed things about friendships/relationships VS co-dependency and not relying on people rather than God. I have enjoyed it both times!

[Jennifer Robb · Rating 3 out of 5]

I feel like it took me a long time to finish this book and I'm not sure why. Perhaps there were points that God wanted me to ponder for a certain time or perhaps there were parts that He knew would make more sense to me if I waited a time to read that chapter. There were some hard parts to read and some parts that confirmed what I'd done in past relationships was correct, even if painful. I found it read faster if I skipped the Bible Study parts at the end of each chapter.

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

First, Dee Brestin is awesome. Reading the book was really fun because I was constantly thinking of friendships in my life that mirrored her examples. She looks at the friendships of women in scripture. Those relationships defined the structure of the book. It's a great book that will help you think about relationships between women differently.

[Madelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dee Brestin says so many things about the friendships of women that rang true for me. She contrasts the friendship of men and women and oh are we fortunate to have one another. I thought of some of the women who have been such dear friends of mind over the years. They have impacted my life in untold ways and I am grateful.

[Lauren · Rating 5 out of 5]

I know. 5 stars. What a shock! Perhaps I just love most books. This one was good for me. Another one just when I needed it. I especially loved chapter 3, at the end. Hope for restoration. My most reoccurring prayer and deepest unfulfilled desire. I love the ending quote from CS Lewis REMEMBER! CHRISTIANS NEVER SAY GOOD-BYE!

[Danielle Carlson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dee Brestin's book is a very insightful, Biblical guide to friendships. Obviously, the main focus is how women relate to one another. However, the book also helps differentiate between the friendships between men and women and the friendships between women. I highly recommend this to any young woman.

[Elizabeth Hesseltine · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm a bit more liberal than this author, so some of her opinions I had to take with a grain of salt. I was also reading an older edition, so that may have factored in to my rating. The parts I did like were eye opening and helpful to understanding myself and my friends.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

The author does an excellent job portraying the ways in which our friendships can deepen our relationship with the Lord, and even the sins that can hinder building healthy relationships among women. I highly recommend to young and older women who want to grow their ministry within the local church.

[Karen L. · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book made me really appreciate the women God put in my life.

[Donna · Rating 5 out of 5]

Imagine if all women knew how to do real relationship. This book studies the outline God gave us of kindred relations.