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The Unwritten Rules of Friendship: Simple Strategies to Help Your Child Make Friends
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The Unwritten Rules of Friendship: Simple Strategies to Help Your Child Make Friends

really liked it 4.0  ·  Rating details ·  124 Ratings  ·  27 Reviews
This practical and compassionate handbook helps parents sharpen any child's social skills by identifying the "unwritten rules" that govern all relationships.
Paperback, 340 pages
Published September 3rd 2003 by Little, Brown and Company
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Dec 21, 2011 rated it liked it
Shelves: 2012-booklist
I both liked and disliked this book.

Each chapter focuses on a different personality type with different "rules" for each type. I wasn't sure I liked seeing my son described quite so accurately in such an unflattering light when I read the personality types Different Drummer and Little Adult. It was a bit eerie.

What I liked about this book is that the 'rules' (or strategies - I cringe at the use of the word 'rules' in this context) actually made sense and gave me something tangible to work with
Eileen Kennedy-Moore
Jun 18, 2011 rated it it was amazing  ·  (Review from the author)
I wrote this book with Natalie Elman. It describes nine types of typical children who struggle socially. It explains the social guidelines that these children haven't managed to pick up on their own and offers practical ways that parents and teachers can help.
Marissa Morrison
Mar 28, 2012 rated it it was amazing
This book is full of practical advice for parents and teachers to help guide children toward the kind of behavior that will make people want to be their friends. I appreciated the overall message that if an adult finds a kid's behavior irksome, then other kids will be annoyed also, so the adult should step in and help tweak the kid's comportment.

The authors identify 9 kinds of children who will need help socially--the Shy Child, the Different Drummer, the Born Leader, etc.--and devote a chapter
Oct 03, 2012 rated it really liked it
Shelves: ideas
The ideas in this book are geared to the youngest kids in elementary school however if you need it for an older kid, chances are they need to learn the basics in order to understand the complexities of teenage social situations. I like how the chapters are organized around nine stereotypical kids and their strengths and weaknesses. The suggestions for learning and practicing social skills are very practical. For example, in dealing with a bully, kids can use the "bored" look or roll their eyes w ...more
Oct 02, 2011 rated it it was amazing
While I don't agree with every last thing in this book, I've found this to be one of the most concrete, hands-on, helpful books on parenting I have read in ages. Especially for families who are trying to raise their children in an "idealistic" way (i.e., Attachment parenting, etc.), this book can give helpful strategies when those kids confront the realities of how many elementary school kids behave. There's definitely a big gap between how things should be and how they really are--- and this bo ...more
Feb 02, 2012 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: non-fiction, how-to
At halfway through this library book, I already had more than 20 bookmarkers in place so I can re-visit certain passages. Might be worth buying so I can highlight and re-read.

This book was recommended by the school principal (who I greatly respect) during a parent Q&A. It speaks not just to behaviors that might prevent your child from making or keeping friends but also has useful suggestions for improving behaviors around the house: in our case keeping a certain young man from dominating co
Dec 10, 2015 rated it it was amazing
This is a great resource for anyone who wants to understand how to help their kids through emotional troubles. It has helpful words and some activities that even if you don't use directly, show you that communicating with your child may take deliberate planning, words and actions. I wish it were entirely easy, but when it's not , I like to have some places to check for good advice...I think this book is a prime candidate for that role.
Aug 02, 2013 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: non-fiction
This is one of the more helpful parenting books I've read. The authors profile a bunch of different styles of interacting (the shy child, the born leader, the different drummer...), and explain how their behavior can be off-putting to their peers. Then they spell out the unwritten rules for how others expect you to behave. They also give activities to practice the rules. I found so many helpful tips for my kids (and myself). I'm going to buy this book so we can refer to it often.
Renee Reynolds
Oct 29, 2012 rated it really liked it
I found this book to be extremely helpful, very timely, and wisely practical. The authors break down the kiddie population into nine different types of children, and then address each type's assets and deficiencies when it comes to making friends. Especially helpful are the checklists and exercises designed to create proficiency for the child needing to overcome social weaknesses. This book is a wonderful resource for parents and teachers.
Oct 10, 2009 rated it really liked it
Shelves: 2009
What a read of it, it was a great book. Despite the fact that it was interlibrary loan and I had it for 6 weeks, I still could not finish it on time. Very useful book with lots of activities and suggestions for helping your child who might have social skill issues.

I will have to take it out again and read try to finish it!
Sep 29, 2014 rated it it was ok
Shelves: parenting
I didn't read this book and I only scanned it for two reasons. One, I found that it's written for elementary aged children, and my daughter is in middle school. Two, she does not have any social problems, which is what the book is about. I had been hoping it was a book for normal kids who could just use some additional information on friendship, but it is not.
Jun 18, 2013 rated it really liked it
Shelves: parenting
I got this book for a lesson on friendship for a group of 8-9 year old girls. It didn't work out to be helpful for a group setting but fantastic for suggestions for a specific child.

I want to re-read this as my daughter gets older.
Sarah Jones
Mar 17, 2012 rated it really liked it
I think this book is one of the best books I have read that deals with the social minefield of childhood. I like that it gives tools to help parents teach these unwritten social rules. a great help for me and my sensitive kiddo.
Victoria Shepherd
Oct 02, 2012 rated it it was amazing
This book is clearly set out, accessibly written, and full of practical advice. Provided helpful insight into the motivation and behaviour of children and also includes teacher/parent suggestions, which are crucial.
Jun 01, 2010 rated it really liked it
Admittedly I skimmed most of the book but it definitely seems like a helpful book for parents who want to help their kids with social skills. There were very specific steps, games and tips to help parents teach these skills to their kids.
Nov 15, 2007 rated it liked it
Shelves: parenting
Very interesting. Something to come back to as the kids grow...
Only serves as a reminder just how much there is to learn as you grow. Strange to think that it could be so hard to be a little kid.
Mar 22, 2013 rated it it was amazing
Must come back to this again as the personalities of more children emerge! Helpful hints and conversation tips.
Jun 22, 2009 rated it really liked it
Useful for everyone, not just children, to understand different personalities and how to work/play together in harmony.
Oct 04, 2011 rated it really liked it
Can't we all just get along? You will recognize your kids, their friends, classmates, yourself, and loved ones in this sensible, helpful book.
Lily Jung
Jan 14, 2014 rated it it was amazing
I wish that I could have read this as a kid! It provides good sample cases if your child is having difficulty socially.
Didn't find my own kids in here, but it was handy to describe a couple of girls in my daughter's class when they were all having a rough patch.
Feb 28, 2009 rated it it was amazing
Fabulous! Full of rich descriptions and many tips to help parents help their children. The 'typologies' and others are very helpful.
Alina Tolbert
Nov 09, 2008 rated it it was amazing
Fantastic portrayal of different kinds of children. I found it very helpful and used many ideas from this book with my own children!
Jan 02, 2008 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: english-books
You would know what the book talks about from it's name.
You also may get a good use of it if you're doing a research or something.
Feb 18, 2009 rated it it was amazing
Great book for any parent whose child is having friendship difficulties.
Aug 22, 2008 marked it as to-read
Recommended to Tracey by: Leah
Leah is reading this book and suggested it to Geoff and I so we could "all be on the same" page for Zack. Ordered it from Amazon and am looking forward to reading it...
rated it really liked it
Dec 10, 2015
Eric Spencer
rated it liked it
Jul 29, 2011
Marian Roche
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Aug 23, 2009
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Apr 17, 2011
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Eileen Kennedy-Moore, PhD, is a psychologist with a private practice in Princeton, NJ. She's the author of an award-winning childrens book, "What About Me? 12 Ways to Get Your Parents' Attention Without Hitting Your Sister" (Parenting Press), & co-author of a book for parents, "The Unwritten Rules of Friendship: Simple Strategies to Help Your Child Make Friends" (Little, Brown). Dr. Kennedy-Mo ...more
More about Natalie Madorsky Elman...