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Men Who Hate Women - From Incels to Pickup Artists: The Truth about Extreme Misogyny and How It Affects Us All

Laura Bates (Goodreads Author)

4.38 · Rating details · 5,865 ratings · 849 reviews

An explosive book examining the rise of secretive, extremist communities who despise women. In this ground-breaking investigation, Laura Bates traces the roots of misogyny across a complex spider's web of groups extending from Men's Rights Activists and Pick up Artists to "Men Going their Own Way" trolls and the Incel movement, in the name of which some men have committed ...more

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Kindle Edition, 384 pages

Published September 3rd 2020 by Simon & Schuster UK

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Feb 13, 2021 Mario the lone bookwolf (is on a longer vacation) rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: 0-social-criticism

Why trying to become a better human, fit, smart, and thereby more attractive, when it´s so much easier to participate in murderous anonymous hate troll slutshaming victim blaming mobs.

And it doesn´t end there, dozens of people have died because incels think that alphas and Stacies, even Beckies, have to die for their crime of working hard and improving themselves to be able to live happy lives. What gets less attention in the media, because it´s such an ugly, huge, evil beast, are the reasons th ...more

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Oct 08, 2020 Paul Bryant rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: the-misogyny-series

This is such a depressing book that I just didn’t want to review it because that would make me have to think about the disgusting creeps that Laura Bates writes about. But life is not always spring sunshine and little lambs gamboling in the fields. Some nasty things have to be done, so, onward.

THE MANOSPHERE

That’s what this book is about – various popular places on the internet where men groove around detesting and hating and being sickened by women, feminism and political correctness gone mad ( ...more

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Oct 04, 2020 Emily May rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: 2020, nonfiction

But I am interested in the men in between. The boys who fall through the cracks. The ‘good’ men who feel scared. The ones who went looking for help, because they felt frightened or sad or lonely, and haven’t been able to disentangle themselves. The ones who just haven’t heard about any of this yet. The ones who look the other way on the bus. Because we can’t change anything without those men.

I find myself feeling like a different title should have been chosen for this book. It's certainly ey

But I am interested in the men in between. The boys who fall through the cracks. The ‘good’ men who feel scared. The ones who went looking for help, because they felt frightened or sad or lonely, and haven’t been able to disentangle themselves. The ones who just haven’t heard about any of this yet. The ones who look the other way on the bus. Because we can’t change anything without those men.

I find myself feeling like a different title should have been chosen for this book. It's certainly eye-catching, so I do understand why they picked 'Men Who Hate Women', yet that is actually only the title of the first chapter, and doesn't even begin to scrape the surface of everything this book is about. It's also not just about men, but all kinds of misogyny-- even the kind sadly perpetuated by women.

It's actually a book with a lot of compassion and empathy for young men and boys. Particularly those who have grown up on the internet and have turned to its dark corners for comfort when they've felt insecure and alone. Bates refuses to dehumanise any of the men and women she discusses in this book, even when they would be unwilling to return the favour. And I must caution: Bates goes undercover into Incel and MGTOW forums and some of the quotes she shares contain graphic descriptions of rape and abuse.

You watch as people in urgent need of mental health support, who have somehow found themselves sucked into this whirlpool of misogyny, are met with vitriol, ridicule and incitement to self-harm by other men getting their kicks from online hate.

The author looks at Incels, PUAs, MGTOW, MRAs, Gamergate trolls, domestic abusers, Youtube, and terrorists over the course of this book. It's a lot to digest. One of her main areas of focus is on how we downplay misogynistic remarks and violence, viewing men who make sexist jokes as just "charming rogues". There's often this eye-rolling attitude toward men that they're just silly, just controlled by their natural instincts, just boys being boys, just making locker room talk. This makes it easy to dismiss rampant misogynists as just a silly harmless little group.

I thought Bates was going off on a bizarre tangent at first when she started talking about terrorism, but she makes a pretty convincing case for why misogynistic killing sprees should be viewed as terrorism (they never are).

Actually, this whole topic was very interesting to me. The way news outlets choose their headlines to sell ideas and agendas is not a new subject, though the reminder of it hits hard. Bates notes how crimes committed by white non-Muslim men are rarely labelled "terrorism", and those committed in the name of misogyny never are. A 2017 study showed that terrorist attacks by Muslim perpetrators received 357% more coverage than those by non-Muslims. When James Alex Fields Jr. drove his car into protestors, he was not charged as a terrorist, but Donald Trump and other conservatives were all too eager to throw the "terrorist" label at Black Lives Matter protestors. Because Incel and MGTOW culture are predominantly white movements, they, too, are not taken seriously.

Also: one man who murdered his wife was "driven to it by jealousy" and another who also murdered his wife was "hen-pecked". Bates gives many more examples.

What she's saying, though, is that we shouldn't sit back and let our young boys be seduced by radicals on Youtube and Reddit; that we must not ignore this, must not just belittle these communities and allow them to grow as they are doing. We must take misogyny seriously and acknowledge misogynistic acts of terrorism. We must understand it is not misandrist to do so.

We are too afraid of being labelled ‘misandrists’ or ‘man-haters’, of encountering the traditional cry of ‘not all men’. Yet this is laughably oversimplistic. Of course, it is possible to confront the reality of this threat, and the existence of this movement, without suggesting that it somehow implicates all men. Indeed, as we have already seen, one of the biggest threats it poses is to men themselves.

...more

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Mar 27, 2021 Jo (The Book Geek) rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: non-fiction, feminism

Since posting this review, I have noticed a rather alarming increase in one star reviews that are written by men. It is highly evident that the majority of these individuals haven't actually read this book, and are simply using this opportunity to spread their hate that they have for women, and to blacken Bates name. This in itself, is a solid enough reason why this book needed to be written.

I haven't been hiding under a rock all this time, and I realise that people like this do exist, but read Since posting this review, I have noticed a rather alarming increase in one star reviews that are written by men. It is highly evident that the majority of these individuals haven't actually read this book, and are simply using this opportunity to spread their hate that they have for women, and to blacken Bates name. This in itself, is a solid enough reason why this book needed to be written.

I haven't been hiding under a rock all this time, and I realise that people like this do exist, but reading a 350 page book containing hard facts and testimonies made it sometimes difficult for me to digest. Ultimately, this book is certainly not a walk in the park, it's depressing.

The core subject of this book is "The Manosphere." This is a vile group of men who get together (mainly on the Internet) and systematically hate on women, feminism and apparently get off on sending women threats/death threats whenever something doesn't go their particular way, or, woe betide, a woman receives some recognition for something positive that they did in this world.

These men believe that women are placed here in order to give men sex on tap, and when they don't comply with this, they believe they should be raped. Shockingly, on these Internet group sites, there are even tips on how to go about doing this.

Bates discusses a group called "Incels" which are men that are apparently denied sex by women, but not due to their own faults of course, and therefore they are classed as involuntarily celibate. These men rage a personal war on women, that goes much deeper than the odd sexist remark here and there. This is hatred, in it's purest and darkest form.

Another group that Bates discusses in some detail, are "trolls."Now, we all know about trolls online, and the problems they cause, but when men get together online and threaten to kill your children while you sleep, I think it's time people wake the hell up. You may think a threat such as that warrants an immediate and swift arrest, but unfortunately, that isn't the case. Apparently, hiding identities and locations online, is easy to do if you know how, and freedom of speech isn't always an arrestable offence. Personally, from the perspective of a feminist, I strongly disagree. If someone is threatening to kill you, in whatever form that is, that person accountable should be punished.

I think what disturbs me more, is that there are men on GR, that appear to be defending "The Manosphere" or weirdly enough, claiming that it doesn't actually exist.

There are a vast array of examples and excerpts that Bates has included in this book, some that she has personally received, sometimes on a daily basis, but I'm not willing to post them here, so you'll just have to read this for yourself. ...more

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Oct 02, 2020 Jay Green rated it really liked it

Germaine Greer once said "Women have very little idea of how much men hate them." I've long been sceptical of this assertion since, if the statistics on the number of women who have experienced sexual harassment of some form are correct, the majority have at least some idea. In any case, it's a moot point because the Internet must by now have left women in no doubt about just how widespread misogyny is, at least in the English-speaking world. Laura Bates does a super job here of covering all the ...more

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Oct 05, 2020 John Davis rated it did not like it

This book is not yet available in the US. I had to order a copy from a UK book seller.

When I read this book, I was amazed at the hysteria, misandry and androphobia that drives the author's views.

There is almost nothing in the book that is not based on false information and fiction. For example, Laura Bates (the author) claims she was at a UK men's conference. I checked with three people who were in charge of the conference (all three of them are women) and they informed me that she was never at This book is not yet available in the US. I had to order a copy from a UK book seller.

When I read this book, I was amazed at the hysteria, misandry and androphobia that drives the author's views.

There is almost nothing in the book that is not based on false information and fiction. For example, Laura Bates (the author) claims she was at a UK men's conference. I checked with three people who were in charge of the conference (all three of them are women) and they informed me that she was never at the conference.

Bates claims in her book that men want to "repeal rape laws." This is just silly. Men, and the manosphere do not advocate a repeal of rape laws. The UK, being a backwards and prudish country, has a sexist rape statute in which only men can be charged with rape. Men and the manosphere want the law changed to permit prosecutors to charge women with rape (especially when women rape boys) so that the rape law is gender neutral (as it is in civilized and enlightened nations).

As another example, Bates makes the following claim: “This is a radical, extremist movement, at least tens of thousands of members strong, that deliberately spreads a doctrine of hate-fuelled misogyny and male supremacy, and actively advocates for the violent rape and murder of women." This claim is just as silly as any other claim that Bates makes in the book. She is referring to one incident in Canada in which a man had a car accident and he had posted comments in a group known as INCELS (involuntary celibates).

INCELS are hardly a "movement" and do not in any way advocate violence against women. INCELS is a definable group of people, including women, who have difficulty finding and sustaining intimate relationships. Almost every single male "INCEL" shows overt symptoms of having been sexually assaulted by a woman when he was a boy. These men deserve compassion and assistance because the women who raped or molested them when they were boys impaired their neurological and psycho-social development.

In short, Bates' book is nothing more than a diatribe and propaganda. It is hate speech against men and men's efforts to attain gender equality.

The publisher, Simon & Schuster was once a reputable publisher, however, it is now clear that for profits it has sold out its ethics, principles and morals to the feminist hate movement.

John Davis

...more

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Sep 08, 2020 Sinead rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

This is a depressing but necessary read. As a woman on Twitter I’ve had my experience of men spewing hate at me (once over a pic of a banana cutter?!?) so the contents of this book did not surprise me. But the depth of the hate and the trickle down nature of it into mainstream media and society does make me despair.

I admire Laura for her bravery in writing such a book. I often second guess myself about writing a tweet about something like ‘toxic masculinity’ because I don’t want to deal with th ...more

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Jun 20, 2021 Wanda Pedersen rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: non-fiction, female-authors, public-library, read-in-2021

Not for the faint of heart, as there is a lot of distressing stuff in here. It's like feeling compelled to stare at a car accident that you're passing. This is a book about a tiny minority of men who are loud and more stealthily influential than they ought to be. It makes me sad for these people who choose to hate others that they perceive as different. They believe that they have to lose status if others gain it, instead of both parties being equal. I think in reality everyone gains from a more Not for the faint of heart, as there is a lot of distressing stuff in here. It's like feeling compelled to stare at a car accident that you're passing. This is a book about a tiny minority of men who are loud and more stealthily influential than they ought to be. It makes me sad for these people who choose to hate others that they perceive as different. They believe that they have to lose status if others gain it, instead of both parties being equal. I think in reality everyone gains from a more inclusive, diverse society. Change is not bad, although it's not easy either.

I have sympathy for men, who often get shoved into an uncomfortable gender role straight jacket. They can be shamed for having feelings other than anger and told that caring about others is weak, when it is actually a strength. Men do have higher suicide rates (and they tend to choose more effective methods) and they seem to perceive more barriers between themselves and mental health services.

The extremists find reinforcement on the internet. When we lived in small communities where we knew a bit about many of our neighbours, we knew who held these kinds of views and they didn't receive much, if any, approval. Now you can live next door to someone who secretly hates you and not be aware of it. The scary part is the high profiles of the haters on platforms like YouTube, Instagram, and Twitter where they are easily accessed by teens, who get indoctrinated early. Make no mistake, this is radicalization. If brown or black people were the leaders, this would have been labeled as terrorism immediately.

It doesn't help that politicians (still largely men) find misogynistic and xenophobic messaging works for them. The media is reluctant to admit that white supremacy is closely linked to male supremacist ideology. Police are disinclined to label the actions of white perpetrators as terrorism. There are academics and some women who seem to be happy to give extremist views a pseudo reputable aura.

I’ve found myself looking at the news in a different way since I started reading this book. Recently, in London, Ontario, there was a driver who purposefully plowed into a Muslim family who were out for an evening stroll. He killed 4 of them, leaving an injured and orphaned nine year old. I don't know that it will be reported, but I have to wonder if the driver was a reader of all this vitriol on the internet. The authors of this venom seem to hate everyone and encourage this kind of behaviour. I think that's one of the characteristics, actually, that these haters don't even like other men very much, let alone people of other races, genders, or religions.

I was so thankful for the chapter on men who are trying to do something about this issue. Truly, if a man despises women, he's not going to be influenced by female opinions or points of view. Basic media literacy started young is imperative. Young women can benefit from it too. Learning how to evaluate sources for credibility. And, as one educator says, you have to take it where men are, not ask them to come to you. Most importantly, men have to be the source of a new masculinity. They have to give themselves the freedom to combat loneliness, find meaning, and seek friendship & love. Role models are crucial, both celebrities and members of the community. We need to find them and celebrate them.

I’ve been relatively reclusive since I retired but I feel like I need to find a volunteer position to help counteract this trend. I also find myself wanting to find appropriate charities to contribute to—mental health services, suicide prevention, domestic abuse prevention, youth activities, etc. I'd like to be part of the solution, not just a bystander. It's something I feel strongly about because of the many men & boys in my life that I love dearly. ...more

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Oct 18, 2020 Nenia ✨ I yeet my books back and forth ✨ Campbell marked it as feminist-to-read-list · review of another edition

Shelves: feminism

Author of EVERYDAY SEXISM writes books about men doing sucky things and why it is wrong????

YES DO WANT

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Sep 11, 2020 Tena rated it it was amazing

I have the (mis)fortune of being very aware and very well-versed in the language of the manosphere and their tactics, their beliefs and the extent of their influence on the "real", offline world. Bates has an even bigger misfortune of being vocal enough, smart enough and brave enough to do a full blown research into their connection with the power structures, politicians, policy making and the absolute lack of any apparent desire to do anything about their spread. I am a feminist researcher and ...more

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Sep 30, 2020 Jacob rated it it was amazing

As one might imagine, this isn’t a pleasant read. But it’s an urgent and, I think, important one.

I feel that some personal background would be relevant to this review. Please bare with — When I first went to university, I found myself surrounded by a whole load of young men who clearly had little expedience with women. I’d come from a very different background to these guys; I had two sisters with whom I’d always been close; I’d had female friends; I’d had a long-term girlfriend; I’d always been As one might imagine, this isn’t a pleasant read. But it’s an urgent and, I think, important one.

I feel that some personal background would be relevant to this review. Please bare with — When I first went to university, I found myself surrounded by a whole load of young men who clearly had little expedience with women. I’d come from a very different background to these guys; I had two sisters with whom I’d always been close; I’d had female friends; I’d had a long-term girlfriend; I’d always been in mix-sex education. Truth be told, I generally felt more comfortable with women — and I’d apparently been isolated from, or been too ignorant to notice, blatant sexism. My childhood had been unconventional, in so much as I was raised abroad until my mid-teens. I hadn’t fully perceived the extent to which women (especially young women) are relentlessly sexualised by society. This was ten years ago now, and since then, I’ve really woken up to a lot.

But, back to those fellow male undergraduates... Very quickly, I realised that these guys had an entirely different outlook regarding what women were to them. For these guys, women weren’t really people. They were objects, and objects to be possessed — to be used, or collected, and ultimately discarded one by one. I had fallen in with a bunch of “The Game” worshiping brutes who genuinely didn’t seem to think of women as being on their level. For them, girls were not seen in terms of human beings. The ways they spoke about women was frankly alien to me. And I was caught so unawares that for a period I didn’t realise the extent, nor the sheer vitriol, of their contempt. The thing is, in other respects, these were cultivated, intelligent and interesting young men. They could hold a conversation about philosophy or politics or art history. They were exceedingly well educated — more so, frankly, than I was. And in many ways I was in awe of them. I felt comparatively inept in a whole host of ways. As a result, it was a while before I cottoned onto quite how toxic the views of this group were.

From the outset, one of them kept urging me to check out this book he’d just finished reading: ‘The Game’. I wasn’t hugely interested, as it sounded naff to me. I’d had girlfriends before, and still wasn’t “over” a long term relationship which had ended prior to my going to university; I wasn’t hugely het up about starting another one. But these guys didn’t want “relationships”. What they wanted was sex. More specifically, they wanted the “conquest” of as many girls as they could. And they genuinely seemed to think that this was a legitimate goal, a way of bettering their status.

I’ll cut the story short there. Essentially, I woke up to what I’d fallen into. And when, as a fairly inexperienced young person, I challenged these guys on their attitudes, they turned on me. They helped make the next year fairly hellish. 18 months into my degree, I ended up quitting that university — in main part because of the relentless backlash I received.

So, no, the preamble above isn’t necessary. But those events really influenced my awareness of the sexism alive in society, and they informed my reading of this book. I’ve spent the last few years uncomfortably aware that sexism doesn’t seem to be going away. Yes, there have been improvements. Many of the more obvious/outward segments of our world seem to be taking steps in the right direction. But what I’m concerned by are the internal beliefs and actions of men. Especially young men and boys. Because what I’ve noticed is a hardening of sexist attitudes, and especially the increasing frequency of what I’d call extreme beliefs — such as the notion that women lie about men raping them.

Laura Bate’s book essentially goes through and brings into sharp relief everything (and more!) that I’ve felt uneasy about for the last five-or-so years regarding sexism. (I suspect that I came to this with more background knowledge than some — I’ve probably spent too much time on the internet!) I’ve been palpably aware of the way women are talked about in, for instance, the world of online gaming. I’ve noticed that it’s apparently fine for blatant misogynists to achieve high office. I am continually disturbed by the way many male acquaintances will talk differently amongst one another when there’s no female presence. I am too frequently sickened by the “banter” that we’re apparently meant to find funny or turn a blind eye to. I am horrified by some of the dating stories I’ve heard narrated by female friends. And I remain bewildered when the connection to hardcore misogyny is never raised as a connecting factor in case after case of mass murder.

There is just so much that I’ve felt needed to be said, that Laura Bates eloquently, straightforwardly and boldly lays out in this book. It is a really compelling and much needed piece of work.

A single niggle: The book focuses almost exclusively on the English-speaking world, and I would very much have liked it to go a little further, broadening things out to an international scale. I appreciate that this would be an even more titanic effort! I say this, because, as someone who’s travelled a lot, these issues are not unique to the West. In my experience, things are actually far worse elsewhere. Violence towards women and girls remains something that far too few people talk about.

The truth seems to be that the internet, and specifically anonymous forums and services such as WhatsApp/Discord/etc., has enabled extremely potent extremism to spread and procreate. It is now blissfully easy for people to become indoctrinated into all sorts of whack beliefs. And I entirely agree with Bates about the fact that these once extreme points of view are increasingly filtering through to mainstream media, popping up in parliaments, locker rooms, classrooms, pub tables.

At any rate — The takeaway: read this book! Everyone should do so. But especially, I feel, parents of boys. So much of the language to do with women that boys come across online (and via gaming) is extreme. Paired with the proliferation of pornography, I can understand how it can become normal to see women as less than human. (Frankly, I am eternally grateful I never had such exposure during my formative years.)

Teachers too need to read this. It’s only through knowing what a problem is that tackling it can become an option. And I really don’t think enough people are fully aware of how deep-seated this stuff is. For a significant, and growing, number of individuals to hate half the human race with such unbridled fervour is genuinely scary. Somehow, this needs to be turned around. Reading ‘Men Who Hate Women’ is an excellent first step. Go do it. Now. ...more

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Feb 09, 2021 Maja - BibliophiliaDK ✨ rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: arc-reviews, non-fiction, feminism

ONLY READ THIS BOOK IF YOU HAVE NERVES OF STEEL

I struggled with rating this book. Because the subject matter was so... disturbing. So revolting, so upsetting. I had to call my mother after reading this just to get it out my system. I was horrified, angry, and agitated throughout this book. So you can't say that I liked reading it. But this is an IMPORTANT book. It's an important subject matter to look into and spread awareness about. And you cannot fault Bates' professionalism, journalism or com ...more

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Sep 07, 2020 Roger rated it did not like it

This book provides its own refutation. Bates's contention is that, if you look hard enough in the more fetid corners of the internet, you'll find (in what she loosely terms "the manosphere") online communities of men who hate women, from "incels" (involuntary celibates) to "MGTOW" (men going their own way ie keeping apart from women) to "pickup artists" (men who supposedly have skills in "picking up" women).

It seems a little odd to class those last two groups as hating women, but the major prob ...more

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Sep 23, 2020 Sara rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Horrifying, disturbing, but essential reading.

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Jan 19, 2022 saïd rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: rape_studies, 2_nonfiction

Scrolling through the reviews of this book, I noticed an unsurprising yet disturbing trend: the majority of the one-star reviews were by (self-described) men, normally those who cited things such as "misandry" or "misanthropy," while the majority of the five-star reviews were by (self-described) women, normally those who cited things such as their own real-life experiences. Funny, that. ...more

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Sep 18, 2020 Amy rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: favorites

TW: I don't even know where I would begin with the TW for this book because it literally covers everything under misogyny, rape, murder, alt-right, racism, white terrorism.

This was a deeply unsettling but extremely important book; whilst the nature of the discussion wasn't surprising to me, the extent of the hatred and abuse that is online honestly did surprise me. I know that these communities exist but I honestly didn't realise the extent of which they do exist and the extent of their behavio TW: I don't even know where I would begin with the TW for this book because it literally covers everything under misogyny, rape, murder, alt-right, racism, white terrorism.

This was a deeply unsettling but extremely important book; whilst the nature of the discussion wasn't surprising to me, the extent of the hatred and abuse that is online honestly did surprise me. I know that these communities exist but I honestly didn't realise the extent of which they do exist and the extent of their behaviour. Laura has definitely opened my eyes to that which is what she intended to do with this book; it has always baffled me how crime and abuse against women, specifically because they are women, was never taken seriously. You see it time and time again; that it was just a joke or "she overreacted" and Laura shares how the people in these communities slide their hatred and abuse under a guise of humour, to be able to get away with what they are saying.

Laura breaks her book down into different aspects of the "manosphere" and I can't decide which one horrified me more. Laura has clearly done her research for this book and I cannot even begin to imagine how hard some of that research must have been for her; to sit through and read the torrid nature of their comments day after day and still feel able to write this book is incredibly brave. I can already see some of the reviews of this book lambasting it for it's title and playing into exactly what Laura has described in her book. She is very clearly saying this is not about all men, it is about the men who hate women, and proudly so.

I would highly recommend reading this book and it is so important to open our eyes to the extent of which this kind of behaviour goes on online and tips over into real life. It will definitely be a difficult read at times because it's just horrifying to realise the extent that these comments are made; Laura talks about the amount of death and rape threats she receives on a daily basis and the amount of times she has had to move to protect herself, and so for her to be able to write this book the least we can do is pick it up and educate ourselves.

I think one thing that I really took from this book is the importance of challenging behaviour when you see it; I think we can likely all say a time where we've experienced some form of harassment or sexism and just let it pass by, and this book really enforced to me the importance of challenging this where you can in your own life; with family, friends, colleagues, and give people the tools to educate themselves. This book should be that tool. Incredible read and I can't wait to get my hands on a physical copy. ...more

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Sep 27, 2021 leah rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: non-fiction, feminism, own

this was…..a lot. hopefully will write a full review soon.

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Sep 15, 2020 Robert rated it did not like it

Women's Suffrage, Pt. 1 (The Suffragettes)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_q66HFoFztk

The Suffragettes were domestic terrorists.
=================================

"We are, as a sex, infinitely superior to men"
--Elizabeth Cady Stanton (1848 - Founding Feminist)

"A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle."
--Famous 70s Feminist quote

"Life in this society being, at best, an utter bore and no aspect of society being at all relevant to women, there remains to civic-minded, responsible, thrill-seekin ...more

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Oct 01, 2020 James Bloodworth rated it it was ok

Some interesting stuff including some fairly grim details of the horrendous abuse women in public life often receive. Shines a light on some of the darker corners of the internet. However, it reads like a long Comment is Free article. I don’t really buy the overarching narrative that it’s simply a question of dismantling ‘the patriarchy’ in order to get a handle on this stuff. This is especially true with regards to incels and PUAs. Big societal changes that have been taking place in recent year ...more

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May 22, 2021 Heather *coffee and flowers* rated it really liked it

Shelves: feminism, non-fiction, 2021

While this book wasn't exactly a joy to read—in fact, the things it talks about are often disturbing and disgusting—it highlights online extremism, of which it is increasingly important to be aware of informed. It was especially illuminating regarding events of the past few years in politics, for example. It also brings to awareness the ways in which these misogynistic online groups target young boys. This wasn't my first time reading about incels and MRAs (and Bates talks about other groups as ...more

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Jan 24, 2022 Imogen Kathleen rated it really liked it

Shelves: non-fiction, 2022

Deeply terrifying, but a vital read.
I would force this into the hands of so so many people if I could.
This was an awful reading experience, but I learnt so much and felt heard.

I do wish that there had been a little more focus on how these groups target LGBTQIA+, disabled, and POC women specifically, though.

This book takes a bit of processing, so I will come back with a more full review soon.
RTC!

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May 28, 2022 Cynnamon rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: kat-sachbuch

Even though I am a woman and I have heard about incels and the manosphere before and I am very much aware of the overwhelming misogyny in many places, this book hit me hard.
Now that I finished reading it I am emotionally exhausted, because basically being aware of something is very different from having to face this amount of examples and statistical evidence.
What I even hadn’t realized so far was the trickle down effect of mysogynistic reasoning in the mainstream, until I heard my own son (and ...more

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Jun 24, 2022 KT rated it it was amazing

It’s only hot girl summer if you're reading about feminism, I don’t make the rules. Also...buckle up for my longest review yet.

I’m going to be honest- I picked this up because I was morbidly fascinated by incels. They are disgusting and pitiful, and I wanted to know more about these vitriolic men- fedoras, neckbeards, and all. If you are like me, I’ll tell you that you do get a very deep dive into incel spaces. However, after having read the book I am ashamed that I had such a surface level und It’s only hot girl summer if you're reading about feminism, I don’t make the rules. Also...buckle up for my longest review yet.

I’m going to be honest- I picked this up because I was morbidly fascinated by incels. They are disgusting and pitiful, and I wanted to know more about these vitriolic men- fedoras, neckbeards, and all. If you are like me, I’ll tell you that you do get a very deep dive into incel spaces. However, after having read the book I am ashamed that I had such a surface level understanding of the problem. It is so easy to reduce this phenomenon to memes mocking misogynistic men like incels and dismissing them a group to be mocked and underestimated. But this book was so much more, and I am beyond grateful to have read it.

Men Who Hate Women is written in such a cogent way, you feel like you are being guided by the hand through a dark and daunting cave by a capable Indiana Jones-type. The author doesn’t bullshit you. We are beyond the point for bullshit with this problem. Rather, she explicitly breaks down misogynist strategies so that we may be aware when we see them. The book is broken down into chapters on the different facets of the “Manosphere”- the group of online anti-feminist communities. For example, “Men Who hate women” discusses incels and “Men Who Blame Women,” she takes a look at the Men’s Rights Activists. The way the book is organized worked to create a productive and accessible mind map of the Manosphere.

I would venture to say that most of are aware of how ridiculous incel logic is and that misogyny is objectively bad. But I think most of us have no idea why and how these men have come to hate women with such fervor. And how do we protect the vulnerable young men who fall susceptible to this broken logic? Bates does the legwork to show exactly how it is that incels and other extremists have become this way in order to explore solutions. One big theme of the book is how the rigid gender stereotypes perpetuated by the Manosphere are the very ones that cause the most harm to the vulnerable men within it who face very real problems caused by mental illness and self-esteem problems. My biggest takeaway was how deliberate Manosphere campaigns are. I try to assume incompetence before malice and prior to reading this book I would’ve never guessed that I would’ve never guessed that these groups are spoon feeding young men these toxic false narratives with a tactical and sinister purpose in mind.

Bates did her damn homework in this one and left no stones unturned. I loved how she made clear connections between gender issues and issues on race and sexuality rather than ignoring the intersectionality of misogyny. It is so valuable to acknowledge that the struggles of different groups are inextricably tied together. “To recognize that complexity is not to diminish the horror of any one form of prejudice.”
She even looks at the issue through the problem of social media algorithms, legal language on terrorism, media coverage, and search engine optimization. In fact, the sheer ease by which she was able to call up numerous examples for every single point she makes implied to me the prolific nature of violence against women everyday (there was no cherry picking here).

Another confession is in order here- for a good part of the book, my mindset was: “Wow this is great information, but I am a woman, and I already care about gender equality. I can’t be the most productive audience…” As I read on, it really hit me that despite my status as a woman, despite my best intentions, I, and other women, am just as likely to inadvertently contribute to the very gender inequality that eventually becomes dangerous to us. “But not being a ‘misogynist’ doesn’t mean that you can’t sometimes behave in sexist ways” My subconscious reluctance to validate the feelings and vulnerability of male friends and family members as I might with their female counterparts is one example. Another would be the jaded and frustrated women hiding behind epithets like “men are trash” or “men don’t deserve rights.” These examples are ways I have personally contributed to a social environment that can foster misogyny by making equality a zero-sum game (the idea that women's’ rights will only come at the expense of men's’.) Misogyny, and it’s ugly cousin extreme misogyny are problems that I now lucidly realize takes all of us to solve with consciousness and laser-focus.

Additionally, I’m sure that even if you are a proponent of gender equality, you have come across the idea that there are tons of women out there willing to lie about rape and sexual assault. Maybe you even have a niggling thought that this is true. In this book, Bates picks this idea apart to trace it back to its roots. Where did it come from and why is it such a pervasive idea? She describes a conversation she had with a young man at an assembly she gave who asked how men are supposed to support #MeToo when there is “evidence” about false accusations. She says “And you want to ask him: ‘What evidence? Where did you get that idea? Where did it come from? How do you know?’ But it is just something he knows. It is an idea borne out of hate, slowly, slowly passed along a chain of communities and websites and interlocutors and commentators, until it morphs into a shadowy fear that isn’t easy to grasp or refute, but suffuses our public consciousness.”

I won’t beat around the bush. This book was very distressing. I had to keep reminding myself this was nonfiction and not some dystopian horror novel. Sporadically, Laura Bates would pop in with dry humor or a personal anecdote that really lubricated the heaviness.“Chaos, Peterson claims, is associated with the feminine. Thanks for that, Jordan” And at the end, we are presented with productive points of action we can take to tackle misogyny from the roots.

If I were to let myself loose to gush about every part of this book that had an impact on me, I would be blatantly plagiarizing the book in this Goodreads review. So I just want to say that despite this being less than fun to read, it is more than 100% worth your time no matter how you identify yourself.

I can't help but to include some of my favorite quotes from this book to highlight why this book has led to an individual paradigm shift:

“So they’re not going to say: ‘I’m really scared that, if I try to have sex with someone, they’ll say I raped them.’ They’re more likely to say: ‘Women lie about false rape.’ But essentially it’s the same conversation.”

"If we accept that online abuse is simply part and parcel of public space, we risk alienating an entire generation of young women from the very spaces they need to occupy to become full citizens of tomorrow"

"But it is too often assumed that the potential damage we highlight is only damage to women and children, when the truth is that the damage toxic masculinity causes to men and boys is also enormous. The problem, I am repeatedly told by boys, men and activists, is that, when we say ‘toxic masculinity’, people hear ‘toxic men’."

"If masculinity is the problem, it is men who must decide and drive new forms of manhood. The one thing everyone seems to agree on is that it is fairly fruitless for feminists to be seen to be telling boys the right way to be a man."

If you’ve made it this far, I appreciate you. And once again I implore you to read this mind altering book. ...more

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Jan 26, 2021 Mark Hebden rated it it was amazing

Shelves: politics, feminism

First and foremost it is worth praising Laura Bates for having the courage to write this book. Laura founded the Everday Sexism project and since then has been subject to thousands and thousands of violent, rape and death threats from the types of men with whom this book is concerned. She has had to move house several times and lives with a legitimate fear for the safety of herself and her family.

The book itself is an expertly put together piece of investigative journalism. It is harrowing, aff First and foremost it is worth praising Laura Bates for having the courage to write this book. Laura founded the Everday Sexism project and since then has been subject to thousands and thousands of violent, rape and death threats from the types of men with whom this book is concerned. She has had to move house several times and lives with a legitimate fear for the safety of herself and her family.

The book itself is an expertly put together piece of investigative journalism. It is harrowing, affecting and thoroughly researched. Bates primarily focuses on the online world of what she terms the “manosphere” which incorporates involuntary celibates (incels), pick up artists (PUAs), men’s rights activists (MRAs), men going their own way (MGTOWs) and straight up old fashioned misogynists, which of course all of the above are whatever their acronym of choice. This isn’t a tour of online communities though; there is a very “real-world” connection to changing attitudes in the English-speaking world among predominantly young men which has been a precursor to extreme physical and sexual violence against women and ultimately murder and acts of terrorism.

People may not see such things as terrorism initially but in the UK, the statutory definition of terrorism is contained in section one of the Terrorism Act 2000. It specifies that terrorism is the use or threat of action that is designed to influence the government or an international governmental organisation, or to intimidate the public or a section of the public, and is made for the purpose of advancing a political, religious or ideological cause. The action used or threatened must involve serious violence against a person, serious damage to property, endangering a person’s life, creating a serious risk to public health or safety, or the intention to interfere with, or seriously disrupt, an electronic system. This fits in wholly with the world the manosphere is trying to promote, whether that be the “redistribution of sex” preferred by incels or the decriminalisation of rape that PUAS advocate or the desire to itemise women as property, first of a father and then a husband that MRAs speak of. Whatever the goal, violence and intimidation are the prime forces behind the ideology and Bates gives us plenty of examples of acts of terror committed in the misogynist cause; yet only one of the criminals listed have been charged under terrorism powers, in Canada.

Indeed, it seems states are reluctant not only to invoke the powers they have, but to devote any attention in terms of criminological research to, when coupled with far-right ideology, is the fastest growing threat of terrorism anywhere in the world. States do not fund any projects of note into misogynistic terror, preferring instead that it gets caught up in other areas of investigation. Something overlooked by both police forces and the media is the extent to which misogyny drivers far right terror. While Anders Breivik and Brenton Tarrant were clearly driven to murder by their hatred of the left in one case and Muslims in the other, both were clear in their writings that they despised women and were deeply embedded in manosphere theory. If someone from a Muslim background kills three people in a spree it is instantly described as an act of terror but similar acts by a man who is clearly targeting women such as Elliot Rodger are described as “gunmen” or the pathetic aggrandising term “lone wolf”.

Behind the perpetrators of these terrorist acts are a plethora of internationally famous hate preachers; famous in terms of the community itself but there are others that have broken into mainstream debates such as Jordan Peterson and of course former president of the USA Donald Trump. Such people attempt to distance themselves from the extremes of the communities they endorse but their output is specifically referenced in the rambling manifestos of people committing the most heinous acts. A huge industry has built up around stirring hatred like this, and in terms of PUAs their idols tour countries giving talks to vulnerable young men for a lot of money teaching them how to lie their way into bed with a woman and at the most extreme fringe, how to get away with rape. Some such people have run for office in local, European and nation elections for recognised parties.

The most disturbing chapter for me was the penultimate one which explains the way boys and young men are being groomed by the far-right and their extreme misogyny through various social media platforms. We all know the connections Facebook has with troubling communities and much has been made of it in the press but Bates aims her ire clearly at YouTube which makes up the bulk of all mobile internet traffic and is the platform of choice for boys and for misogynist hate preachers. Bates tours schools herself and has noted a change in the way pupils ask questions and come out with statistics either wholly made up or manipulated which can only have come from viewing manosphere content online (men are more likely to suffer domestic violence than women, most claims of rape are false, etc. etc.). The way YouTube works in terms of its algorithm shows their business model is built on keeping people watching through the “recommended videos” section which, whatever you search for, takes the user down ever more extreme routes. For cooking you end up seeing extreme food challenges for instance, which is fine if a little gross. However when someone searches for “what is feminism” on a brand new Laptop with no previously gathered data on the user, within a few clicks on the “recommended” sidebar they are faced with an excess of troubling content; one is an interview with one time darling of the Alt-Right Milo Yiannopoulos (another who was courted by the mainstream press in both the US and UK) speaking unchallenged about modern feminism, which he describes as ‘primarily about man-hating… a very anger, bitter, profane, lesbianic sort of feminism’, spreading a ‘constant message that men are evil and broken and wrong’. He calls campus rape statistics ‘nonsense’ and says that figures cited by Barack Obama about sexual violence are ‘not true’. The video has over 2 million views. YouTube has chosen its profit margins over the safety of 50% of the public.

The final chapter suggests ways to move forward and challenge this, particularly among the young and if any government wants to start taking this seriously, as they should, then this book should form an important part of the bibliography of any policy proposal. The trend needs to be reversed among young men. In the British Attitudes Survey the general public are asked whether they think women are fully or partially to blame for being raped or sexually assaulted if they are drunk or have been ‘flirting heavily’ before the attack. And, every year, the results are deeply depressing. Not just because a quarter of the general public believe drunk victims are to blame, or because a third believe those who were flirting bear responsibility. But because, among 16–19-year-olds, those numbers jump dramatically. Over a third believe a drunk victim bears blame for their own rape or assault, and, for those flirting heavily, the number rises to almost half. Please read this book. ...more

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Jul 29, 2022 Brittany (whatbritreads) rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: adult, non-fiction, crime

I’ve loved the previous two books I’ve read by Laura Bates so it came as no surprise to me that this one was also a 5*. There’s just something so enigmatic and utterly mindblowing about how she writes, I’d literally pick up anything with her name on it regardless of the topic. She has such knowledge and passion on the things she writes about, it oozes from the pages. Amazing every time.

This book was her most disturbing yet, and right from the first pages it honestly made my stomach turn. For all ...more

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Apr 20, 2022 jenny✨ rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: everyone-needs-to-read, audiobook, politics, fempower, arc, 2021, non-fic

many thanks to netgalley and sourcebooks for this advance e-galley in exchange for an honest review.

men who hate women is essential reading for everyone, particularly those of us living in canada, the US, australia, and europe.

this book is a call to action and blueprint for paradigmatic shift. it is an act of lucid, critical resistance.

laura bates writes compelling, urgently. her words, girded with clear-eyed empathy, carry propulsive power. she traces - in specific and comprehensive detail - ...more

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Apr 04, 2021 Deviant Sam rated it it was amazing

Shelves: abandoned, reviewed

I'm not even halfway through this but I'm struggling so much to reach the finish line, I just decided to interrupt my reading for an indeterminate period.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with this book and I'll probably come back to it in the future, but right now I'm unable to process the brutal reality Laura Bates is courageously exposing here. Her book is a rather necessary one, though I started getting headaches and experiencing problems to fall asleep every time I tried to digest a few pas I'm not even halfway through this but I'm struggling so much to reach the finish line, I just decided to interrupt my reading for an indeterminate period.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with this book and I'll probably come back to it in the future, but right now I'm unable to process the brutal reality Laura Bates is courageously exposing here. Her book is a rather necessary one, though I started getting headaches and experiencing problems to fall asleep every time I tried to digest a few passages of this compelling work that brilliantly denounces the vitriolic hate and dehumanization women still suffer, for anything and everything, in highly influential and profitable online communities. An inexcusable hostility perpetrated by radicalized men who often believe themselves to be the real victims of an unfair and sexist system.

They are not. They hold all the cards in our world and the things these powerful groups of men say and do are so hurtful and sordid, I couldn't hold back my tears and it got to a point I couldn't even look at Ms. Bates' words without feeling completely hopeless about my entire species. If the sexual terrorism promoted by the manosphere continues to be unchallenged by society, women will never be able to win the war against gender inequality and their fundamental human rights will continue to be decimated around the world. We need to take the matter more seriously and question anyone who still believes that what these men do is remotely acceptable or harmless. They aren't just trolls 'shitposting for the lulz', they are terrorists who actively contribute to hurt people and should be dealt with as such.

I don't know when or if I'll ever finish this book, but for now I would like to thank the author for her strength to go on, even in the face of constant harassment and violent threats. I'd like to express my admiration for the time and effort she put into writing so comprehensively about this burning issue that many prefer to ignore. And I'd like to congratulate this insightful writer for her decision to speak up when it would be considerably less dangerous to just remain silent. ...more

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Apr 07, 2021 Eve Dangerfield rated it it was amazing

Mega powerful and anger-inducing. As Bates says misogyny, like it or not (and who the fuck would like it?) is part of the wallpaper of our lives. Thus terrorism charges (which would be leveled at any other hate-fuelled organization with aims to systemically harm a group) are not aimed at the white heterosexual men who loudly and proudly hate women, organize themselves around that ideology, commit murder because of that ideology and encourage other men to do the same.
It sucks that the dudes most ...more

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Nov 05, 2020 Krystelle Fitzpatrick rated it really liked it

There is no shock in this book for me, but in some ways, I wish there was. From personal experience, it feels far easier to disconnect from the gender that you're assigned at birth in order to not feel the level of anguish that books like this bring up. It's weird and uncomfortable to exist as a piece of meat to be bought and sold in the eyes of some, and I struggle with it enormously. This book illuminates that quite successfully, putting forward an image of the recesses of the internet that ar ...more

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Oct 06, 2021 eddie ♡ added it

Shelves: nonfiction, feminism

"We don't want to talk about a mass movement encouraging violent hatred of women. We would prefer not to confront it. It is much easier to paint sexism as a vague, perpetrator-free issue, hazily floating in the ether, waiting to affect women... [] But the more we look away, the worse it gets."

An incredibly important, thought-provoking, and educational insight into the many male-dominated spaces of the internet, where online misogynistic, vitriolic hate bleeds out into the every day experienc ...more

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About Laura Bates

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Laura Bates is the founder of the Everyday Sexism Project, an ever-increasing collection of over 100,000 testimonies of gender inequality, with branches in 25 countries worldwide. She works closely with politicians, businesses, schools, police forces and organisations from the Council of Europe to the United Nations to tackle gender inequality. She was awarded a British Empire Medal for services t ...more

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