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The Black Friend: On Being a Better White Person

Frederick Joseph

4.34 · Rating details · 85 ratings · 42 reviews

From the perspective of the friend everyone should have, Frederick Joseph offers an essential read for white people who want to be better about race—and people of color who long to see their experiences validated.

“We don’t see color.” “I didn’t know Black people liked Star Wars!” “What hood are you from?” For Frederick Joseph, life in a mostly white high school as a smart ...more

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Hardcover, 272 pages

Published December 1st 2020 by Candlewick Press

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Oct 27, 2020 Lu - luentreletras rated it it was amazing

Shelves: netgalley, non-fiction, owned-ebooks

This books was amazing. I enjoyed reading it a lot because I learned more about racism in the United States and also I learned about Black culture and how racism affects it.
Frederick Joseph's style of writing is very direct and easy to understand, which I believe is perfect for this book because the idea is that people reading it can learn from it and become better people who start taking action against systemic racism. It is a really didactic book and I loved haow it includes its own encycloped ...more

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Oct 27, 2020 Alex rated it it was amazing

Shelves: 14-and-15

Thanks to the publisher for providing an eARC of The Black Friend in exchange for an honest review.

In The Black Friend, author Frederick Joseph seeks to educate white people on how to become better people by improving their perceptions of and actions towards racial minorities (obviously mostly Black specific racism, but this book does also extend to other racial minorities in a lot of its chapters) through a combination of personal antidotes, interviews with other Black people & activists, an En ...more

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Oct 30, 2020 Todd rated it did not like it

One of the most racist books I’ve ever read. If you enjoy the unfair use of statements about race to try to influence the actions or attitudes of a particular group of people. The author sees all of human relations reduced to a rudimentary correlation of skin color and inequality, an analysis we used to call racist — has decided that the culture must be cleansed of all of those who will not be drafted into its woke army. The book has the guise of being opposed to racism while actually having a p ...more

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Sep 21, 2020 Kim rated it liked it

Shelves: nonfiction, netgalley-edelweiss, diverse, young-adult-nonfiction, race-relations

There’s a lot to like about this book.
BUT—

Things I appreciated:
* Frederick Joseph’s intent.
* catchy title and great cover art
* his recaps of conversations with a number of authors, activists, and social commentators, including Angie Thomas, April Reign, and Tarell Alvin McCraney.
* the breadth of topics covered. The discussion around appropriation versus appreciation was very thorough.

Issues I had:
* Joseph’s tone. He presents himself as the Black “friend,” but there’s a strong self-congratulatory ...more

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Nov 26, 2020 Zoe's Human rated it it was amazing

Shelves: lt, giveaway-librarything

When adults ask me for non-fiction books on topics that are new to them, I often steer them towards the middle-grade and young-adult sections. Many books intended for youth are perfect for beginners of any age, and adult books often assume more knowledge than a novice has.

While intended for teens, The Black Friend is a book I'll be recommending to adults as well. This is an almost perfect primer on anti-racism for white folks age 12 and up. There is a glossary defining common and important terms ...more

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Oct 07, 2020 Stacey is currently reading it

Looking forward to this one!

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Nov 13, 2020 Fiona rated it liked it

Shelves: publisher-gift

When I was 13, the staff of the psychiatric ward where I spent some time were very fond of saying, "Sometimes in life you have to do things you don't want to." Mr. Joseph begins his introduction with this timeworn cliche but claims that this is a Black people thing. It would have been the perfect time to establish a sense of shared humanity (especially when writing for teenagers!) but the author drops the ball and never bothers to pick it up. Repeatedly, the author misses a teachable moment that ...more

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Aug 28, 2020 Andréa marked it as to-read

Shelves: informative, diversity, z-novaliterary-possibilities, netgalley-edelweiss, arc, digital

Note: I accessed a digital review copy of this book through Edelweiss.

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Nov 07, 2020 Crank rated it did not like it

"Knowing your children will one day be forced to read my book on anti-racism in school on your tax dollars makes me so happy." - Frederick Joseph 11.06.20

I dont't agree in any way with the pretense of this book, that white people would have to work on themselves, to make this world a better place for other races. As with all races it is on the blacks themselves to shape their community through hard work and christian morals.
This book is looking away at the real problems, which are the lack of m ...more

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Sep 09, 2020 Lauren rated it it was amazing

Shelves: non-fiction

WOW. I loved this book so much! I know that Frederick’s goal for this book was done by me: it’s absolutely made me want to be a better white person and not be an ally, but an accomplice. Frederick taught me a lot, opened my mind, and really allowed me to see the tiny micro aggressions I didn’t even consciously know I had.

Essential reading!

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Sep 01, 2020 Danielle Masterson rated it it was amazing

Thank you to the publisher and Edelweiss for this eARC.

Everyone needs a friend, and Frederick Joseph opens himself up in such a way that you feel like you want to be his friend. Taking this journey with him through his personal experiences, you feel his pain, and also learn how you can make changes for the better in your own (white) life.

I will definitely purchase for my library. I feel like this is a book that my mostly white town NEEDS.

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Dec 01, 2020 Reading on the Rocks rated it it was amazing

Shelves: reviewed, arc

Thanks to LibraryThing and Candlewick Press for providing this ARC in exchange for an honest review.

Frederick Jospeh’s debut novel is an excellent anti-racist read for anyone of any age. As an introduction to anti-racist literature for teens, Joseph explains issues of racism and inequality in such a clear and poignant way that I know teens will really get a lot out of the book. By recounting his experiences as a teen and young adult, Joseph is relatable and offers important reflection so white p ...more

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Nov 30, 2020 Darya added it

Thank you Candlewick Press & NetGalley for sending me an ARC of The Black Friend: On Being a Better White Person by Frederick Joseph. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

I want to start this review off by saying I am a brown woman and in no way do I want to speak over Black people on these issues faced in the book and in our general society. I have the sincerest amount of respect, love, and admiration for the people who are continuing to fight for equality and the end of white supremacy. While Thank you Candlewick Press & NetGalley for sending me an ARC of The Black Friend: On Being a Better White Person by Frederick Joseph. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

I want to start this review off by saying I am a brown woman and in no way do I want to speak over Black people on these issues faced in the book and in our general society. I have the sincerest amount of respect, love, and admiration for the people who are continuing to fight for equality and the end of white supremacy. While I have experienced racism, microaggressions, and police aggression because of my ethnicity, I know it is statistically more likely for Black people to be persecuted and that this book is centered around their issues.

Starting off, the dedication and preface made my heart melt. We see a man who is (as he also states it) exhausted. This battle is exhausting. We see someone who knows that the fight for equality is a long and brutal road and sympathizes for his brother and the younger generation of BIPOC who will one way or another realize this. I think every BIPOC has the first defining moment/experience when they truly realize the weight and hatred of their mere existence causes. We get our first meeting with a man who has had his lifetime of moments, of fears and hatred felt. To me at least, this really humanizes Joseph. While this is nonfiction and I'm well aware he is in fact a real person, from the get-go he approached the book as someone you would want protesting beside you, fighting with you, grieving with you. There were points in the book I just wanted to turn to him as if he was there and scream "YES! THIS IS IT! THIS IS THE VALIDATION AND SHARED KNOWING OF AN EXPERIENCE WITH EMOTIONS I COULD NEVER HAVE PUT TO WORDS BEFORE!! I WILL FIGHT WITH YOU". There is no disguise to him, he is just like us. He is tired like us, he is angry like us, he is frustrated and scared like us. His words are raw and cut deeply as they should.

The book takes us through 10 chapters that chronicle real issues the author faced. It is so refreshing to me to be able to read a book about race that is relevant, that mentions modern-day issues, past reflection, and future calls to action. I try to educate myself the best I can on different races, ethnicities, minorities, and injustices. From reading countless articles, books, watching documentaries, news sources, and listening to those affected, I can truly say that this is such a new and relevant take on race and we should all deeply consider picking up the book when it comes out (tomorrow, I believe!).

A book worth picking up and one I would definitely recommend, especially to adults who may need an extra nudge (or forceful push) to be respectful and not racist. ...more

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Nov 17, 2020 Barbara rated it really liked it

Shelves: activists, community, cultural-identity, education, facing-fears, families, friendship, music, social-justice, compassion

This book will make many readers uncomfortable--and that's actually a good thing since it encourages deep reflection, self-examination, open-mindedness, and action. Relying on 10 short chapters containing his thoughts and other social activists, including Angie Thomas, April Reign, Saira Rao, the author covers a lot of territory here as he demystifies parts of Black culture and challenges some commonly-held assumptions some whites have about Blacks. Among them are the notion that being color bli This book will make many readers uncomfortable--and that's actually a good thing since it encourages deep reflection, self-examination, open-mindedness, and action. Relying on 10 short chapters containing his thoughts and other social activists, including Angie Thomas, April Reign, Saira Rao, the author covers a lot of territory here as he demystifies parts of Black culture and challenges some commonly-held assumptions some whites have about Blacks. Among them are the notion that being color blind when it comes to race is a good thing, that all Blacks love certain types of music and pastimes, that the n-word is okay to use, that it's perfectly fine to touch a Black person's hair, among others. He also goes to great pains to explain affirmative action and to suggest that being an ally is not enough. What he wants is whites who are accomplices. I appreciated his sometimes-sarcastic voice and his earnestness, and yes, there were parts of the book that made me squirm such as his asides about the racism of the early feminist movement and the power that white women often have, but there was truth in what he wrote. And while I would hope that someday we will be able to come together in harmony, I freely acknowledge that there is plenty of work well-meaning whites like me need to do in order to become "better." The book includes a letter to his eight-year-old brother Brandon, and is conversational in tone, sharing his mistakes, experiences, and lessons learned. In many respects, reading the book felt as though I were participating in a one-sided conversation with a Black friend who sees the potential in me and others like me and wants to raise our awareness. The inclusion of source notes, a playlist, suggested readings, and an appendix explaining various terms such as microaggression, systemic racism, and white standards makes this something of a primer on racism, something that middle graders and teens can easily grasp. If he's a tad condescending, well, maybe he has a right to be since he's been let down and disappointed in the past. I finished it feeling proud of how far I've come as a human being but also fully aware of the many miles I have to go. I don't agree with every single thing Joseph includes here, but I certainly agree with most of it. I strongly suggest moving this one to the top of your reading pile. As an aside, I loved the cover and his constant references to Google so readers could quickly learn more about a topic. ...more

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Oct 20, 2020 Jill rated it it was amazing

Shelves: review-books

“While this book is meant to be a guide for white people to understand and be better, it’s important that white people also understand that it isn’t the duty of Black people or people of color to explain things.” – Chapter 10: We Don’t Care What Your Black, Brown, or Asian Friend Said was Okay (F.U.B.U.)
Author Frederick Joseph began writing this book several years ago. During the course of his writing, Frederick admits that at times he felt unable to write with the events unfolding around him. “While this book is meant to be a guide for white people to understand and be better, it’s important that white people also understand that it isn’t the duty of Black people or people of color to explain things.” – Chapter 10: We Don’t Care What Your Black, Brown, or Asian Friend Said was Okay (F.U.B.U.)
Author Frederick Joseph began writing this book several years ago. During the course of his writing, Frederick admits that at times he felt unable to write with the events unfolding around him. He, like many others, are tired. Tired from 2020, tired that Black people continue to suffer pain, trauma and injustices, and tired from so much more.
Throughout the reading of this book, I marked countless pages, earmarking some, at other times texting quotes to friends, and overall learning how to be a better accomplice. As white people, Frederick encourages us not to be allies but to be accomplices to those in the Black community. Allies are simply a friend and supporter of people of color, but accomplices are those who are able to knowingly and intentionally volunteer themselves and give assistance to others. Accomplices are active participants in stopping the wrongdoings and mistreatments of people of color. They are the people that stand up to those doing wrong and defend their friend, they are the ones that actively kick family members out of their home for disrespecting someone, and they are the ones that actively TRY TO MAKE CHANGE.
The Black Friend was an intensely emotional book. Frederick opened up to readers about his own experiences, based on race. However, despite the traumas he, and many others, have and continue to face he wrote as if he was a friend speaking directly to you, providing information and lists. The back of the book is filled with lists of people all white individuals should be familiar with, songs, books and movies needing read, watched and listened to and he informative interviews with change-makers, change-doers and prominent individuals within the community.
I strongly suggest this short, but jam-packed, read to anyone and everyone. Start committing to be an accomplice. Educate and inform yourselves so you can help in undoing the wrongdoing that surround us.
*Disclaimer: A review copy was provided by the publisher. All opinions are my own ...more

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Oct 16, 2020 Corinne Edwards rated it really liked it

Shelves: 2020, african-american-interest, arc, social-commentary, young-adult, race-relations, racism, author-of-color, black-author, race-identity

In this book, Frederick Joseph chooses to speak directly to young people (although those of us no longer *young* absolutely can find as much value in it) and explain ways in which white people, in particular, can stop doing harm and start doing better. It's a large subject to tackle but one that is so necessary and the author does so with humor and the right amount of justified saltiness for his intended audience. He is blunt and vulnerable about his own experiences and envisions how things coul In this book, Frederick Joseph chooses to speak directly to young people (although those of us no longer *young* absolutely can find as much value in it) and explain ways in which white people, in particular, can stop doing harm and start doing better. It's a large subject to tackle but one that is so necessary and the author does so with humor and the right amount of justified saltiness for his intended audience. He is blunt and vulnerable about his own experiences and envisions how things could've gone differently had various people been less ignorant and racist. The personal stories do a good job of helping the reader feel comfortable and ready to learn (while obviously, though, the stories themselves are upsetting, it's that vulnerability and informality in sharing them that helps). He explains critical terms and ideas relating to the topic and there are many interviews, as well, that provide other perspectives and round out the conversation.

For me the humor worked nearly all the time, sometimes it was a little too condescending or repetitive, but my fifteen year old son who read it didn't complain about that at all - he really liked it (he found my copy on the table before I'd even read it and he finished before I started!). The cover itself is truly inviting. The introductory letter starts the book off in a different, more (rightly) somber tone than the rest of the book, which might be off-putting for some readers who may not want to push through. Not that he isn't allowed to have whatever tone he wants, I just noticed it and want to encourage readers to continue reading. As a white person, there is a lot to ponder and process here and ideas worth revisiting, although I'd imagine that there is much here for Black readers or other readers of color as well, even if just for validation. I appreciate the lists at the back of the book and that by the end, I really did feel like Frederick Joseph believes that the world (and America in particular) can be a place where we all are truly respectful and appreciative of each other. It's just going to take *individuals* willing to do the work to get there.

**A complimentary copy was given to me by Candlewick Press for the purpose of a review. All thoughts are my own. ...more

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Nov 24, 2020 Raven Gilbert rated it it was amazing

I read this book in 1 day. White people this book is not an accusatory, rage book- it is simply an honest account of Frederick Joseph’s life. His experiences reflecting what a Black boy, teen & finally a young man has gone through. He is not pointing fingers, he is taking your pulse. I guarantee that you will see aspects of yourself in both the good and bad treatments he has gone through. The Black Friend is showing you from inside a Black man’s heart how you can and should be an accomplice to h ...more

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Dec 01, 2020 Erica Martin rated it liked it

I feel like this was a missed opportunity. Everything that comes before “The Encyclopedia of Racism” is somewhat condescending in tone, the language simplified, as if explaining matters to a child.

Yeaaaah, no. I don't care what the subject is, nobody wants to feel talked down to. Frederick presented personal situations, but I feel like a better way to draw empathy would have been to write those sections in a close 2nd POV, or a closer 1st person POV. As in, they read as summaries. We're not real ...more

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Oct 19, 2020 Lynn rated it really liked it

Jospeh's frank and direct purpose here is to bring change in the racist attitudes and actions of whites. Short chapters address a variety of related topics, drawing on his own experiences. Joseph includes interviews/conversations with other influential artists and activists.

Joseph speaks here to an audience much hipper than I am. Let's face it - as a 70 + white woman whose playlist is folk, 60's rock, Jimmy Buffet and 50's jazz, his cultural references are way over my head ;-) But these will def ...more

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Nov 16, 2020 Christine rated it really liked it

Shelves: adult-nonfic, books-about-racism

NetGalley ARC | The Black Friend by Frederick Joseph is one of the December 2020 book releases you don’t want to skip, especially if you've committed to doing antiracist work as a white person.

Joseph discusses racism and how to be a better white person, drawing from interviews and conversations with prominent and powerful members of the Black community.

What makes The Black Friend such a strong Antiracism 101 book is how Joseph uses his own personal stories to show racist policies and forces in ...more

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Nov 24, 2020 Maureen rated it it was amazing

Shelves: 2020-netgalley-challenge

This is one best books I've read on race and anti-racism this year. Mr Joseph is an engaging and empathetic writer. While I found his experiences as a black man in the US infuriating and heart-breaking, it was an honour to be allowed to hear them. He explains issues from white supremacy to microaggressions clearly and with concrete examples. I especially loved the encyclopaedia in the back. As an older woman living outside the US for the past 10 years, I needed some of his cultural references ex ...more

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Nov 09, 2020 Brenda Kahn added it

Shelves: anti-racism, 2020-reading, informational

There's a lot to like here. The tone is conversational and friendly. So conversational though that I thought it would work better as a TED talk or YouTube series, where his personality could shine. Lots of digressions, which, at first, I found charming and diverting, but later, intrusive and annoying. Make no mistake though, I agree with everything he said, even though it got a tad repetitive and man-splainish. We white-folk need to do better. My last quibble had to do with a comment made near t ...more

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Nov 22, 2020 Book Bound rated it it was amazing

The Black Friend: On Being A Better White Person is an extraordinary book that is a must read, especially because of the current fight for social equality. Serving as a guide to white people on how to not just be an ally, but to truly fight for the equality of all people, Joseph uses personal anecdotes to further emphasize his points and create a sense of friendship between himself and the reader. An especially interesting characteristic of this is the Encyclopedia of Racism located in the end o ...more

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Nov 24, 2020 Paula McFarlin rated it really liked it

Shelves: won-in-a-giveaway

*I received an arc of this book through librarything.*

This was a really insightful read. The tone is conversational and anecdotal and even comes with a section in the back that further explains concepts or phrases you might not know. It feels like the author is having a 1 on 1 conversation with you about the problematic things we might do and things that should be common knowledge, but just aren’t. I think people that will have an issue with this book are the same people committing micro-aggress ...more

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Oct 20, 2020 Thieving Magpie rated it it was amazing

Nothing I could possibly say could give this book justice. Read it. Seriously, go and read it. And keep reading it. Keep talking about it. It's an amazing book and so important in this world. Five stars is definitely not enough for it and I will take me all of this book to heart like every white person reading this book should. It's very educational and a definite Must Read in times like these. Actually, it's always a Must Read because racism has been existing for far too long.
I received an ARC ...more

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Nov 15, 2020 Emily rated it it was amazing

I found this book to be quite compelling. Frederick Joseph sets out to be the "Black friend" who helps the reader to do better and be better around issues of racism. He spoke directly and honestly to the reader about his experiences growing up Black. Joseph's friendly and informal tone made his stories and ideas accessible to a teen reader.

I received a free ARC from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review. I don't say this about many ARCs, but I will definitely buy a copy of this book when i ...more

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Nov 21, 2020 Rachel rated it it was amazing

Shelves: justice, 9th-12th-grade

This was such an excellent book. I read it in bursts on my lunch break, easily picking up where I left off to get lost in the accessible tone and voice Frederick Joseph uses in his storytelling (and educating). His authenticity and frankness made this book refreshing, even when he shared heavy and heartbreaking themes. Thanks to the publisher for providing an eARC of The Black Friend in exchange for an honest review.

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Nov 24, 2020 Mzbailey25 rated it it was amazing

I took an advanced copy I won with me on a trip. I read the whole book on the plane. This book was so well written. I want it to reach everyone I know, regardless of race. I felt empowered and enlightened. Each anecdote included some very powerful and thought provoking messages. This book made me aware of my own shortcomings and ignorance when it comes to other cultures and races. I would like to consider this book a necessary read for your own growth.

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Nov 12, 2020 Jenny rated it it was ok

Shelves: reading-circle-books, 2020-2021

I wanted to like this book. I wanted to learn from this book. I was offended by this book. The stories he told and the interviews he conducted deeply affected me. They made me want to be a better person. His little side notes and attempt at humor were horrible and unnecessary. This book was a huge letdown and a disappointment to me.

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Nov 29, 2020 Beth rated it really liked it

Shelves: social-justice, we-need-diverse-books, 2020-novel-length-reads, arcs, nonfiction, boy-appeal, building-empathy, ya-lit

In an enjoyable but firm conversational tone, Frederick Joseph designed this book to be frank with readers, the way a good friend might be if you did something unintentionally hurtful and now must make amends. It's no longer ok for white people to be oblivious and "color blind" to race, and Frederick Joseph lays out why that is in The Black Friend.

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About Frederick Joseph

Frederick Joseph

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Frederick Joseph is an award-winning marketing professional, media representation advocate, and writer who was recently selected for the Forbes 30 Under 30 list. He’s also the winner of the 2018 Bob Clampett Humanitarian Award, given by Comic-Con International: San Diego, and was selected for the 2018 Root 100 List of Most Influential African Americans. He lives in New York City.

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