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Once Upon a Time, Bitches: Design Your Fairytale Life, Control Your Destiny, and Become the Hero in Your Story
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Once Upon a Time, Bitches: Design Your Fairytale Life, Control Your Destiny, and Become the Hero in Your Story

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4.34  ·  Rating details ·  58 ratings  ·  41 reviews

Hi, I’m Branden. That is me on the cover. 
Yes, I have a boy’s name, a Mom bod, and the tattoos are not photoshopped. 
Once upon a time I realized we all have a story, we all have a struggle and happiness is relative. I am not cynical or hardened, I am just stating the facts. Here’s the deal:

Prince Charming doesn’t exist. 
Fairy Godmother is drunk.
Glass slippers don'
...more
Paperback, 112 pages
Published October 5th 2019 by Success In 100 Pages
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Average rating 4.34  · 
Rating details
 ·  58 ratings  ·  41 reviews


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Start your review of Once Upon a Time, Bitches: Design Your Fairytale Life, Control Your Destiny, and Become the Hero in Your Story
Cyndi
Jan 24, 2020 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
This is a how-to-book. How to get your own Happily Ever After. Our heroine, who is also the author, gives advice on finding happiness and self esteem. She uncovers the unconscious barriers that society, family and we, ourselves have erected. She's not afraid to get straight to the point. A bit of 'this is what you are doing wrong, this is how to fix it.' Since she has 'been there, done that' you tend to listen. It's always good to trust a trail guide who has walked the path before.
Good book, b
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Cyndi
Jan 24, 2020 rated it liked it
This is a how-to-book. How to get your own Happily Ever After. Our heroine, who is also the author, gives advice on finding happiness and self esteem. She uncovers the unconscious barriers that society, family and we, ourselves have erected. She's not afraid to get straight to the point. A bit of 'this is what you are doing wrong, this is how to fix it.' Since she has 'been there, done that' you tend to listen. It's always good to trust a trail guide who has walked the path before.
Good book, b
...more
Janet Newport
Oct 13, 2019 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: 2019-reads, netgalley
Thank you NetGalley and IBPA for this arc.

I found this to be an easy -- but in your face -- read. Brandon is upfront about that in her introduction, she admits to being a real potty mouth. So if you're looking for a gentle, leading you forward sort of read, this isn't it.

She is very honest though about her own life and how she came to realization of her "Maxims". They are simple and plain common sense. All boil down to taking action. Don't beat your self up over your circumstances and past choic
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Alaina
Dec 08, 2019 rated it really liked it
I received this ARC from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

Now this was a fun and wild ride. Didn't even know how badly I needed Once Upon a Time, Bitches in my life... but let's just say Branden is my new spirit animal. Ever since the beginning of this book, I was hooked. I absolutely loved how unapologetically upfront she was throughout the book. She was definitely a breath of fresh air because being surrounded by fake nice people at work can cause a giant migraine.

Wait till all thos
...more
Mackenzie Bates
Oct 28, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Wow! I never thought I would get hooked on a book like this. However, Branden LaNette is straight forward and to the point about why your life's probably not going as you planned🤷 (for those of you that aren't afraid of a little tough love😘). This book was short, fun, and easy to read, however her point hit home and has caused me to rethink aspects of my everyday life. I recommend this book to anyone and everyone who thinks their tires are spinning in the mud. This is a real eye opener folks! MU ...more
Jasmine
Oct 19, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
What can I say about Once Upon a Time, Bitches?

One: This is the most real, relatable book I've ever read. Seriously.

Two: I absolutely loved it.

Three: That cover is gorgeous.

When this book first came across my radar, I was immediately intrigued. The synopsis screamed, "This is definitely not your typical "self-help" book." I knew then, after skimming over the synopsis, that I wanted to read this book. And I was not disappointed.

Once Upon a Time, Bitches doesn't hold back. There's some legitimat
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Zee Monodee
Dec 22, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: non-fiction
One of the best - if not THE best - advice book out there for any girl/woman wanting to own up to her existence and make the best version of herself she can be. If you're easily offended by the f-word, the s-word, the b-word (hello, title!), then this is definitely not the book for you! But if you can look beyond that and actually see the real-life wisdom Branden LaNette delivers through those quirky own-life stories, the unapologetic potty mouth and pen, then yes, you might just have found out ...more
Tanya
Dec 10, 2019 rated it really liked it
All opinions are my own. Thanks to Netgally and the author for the gifted copy.

I thoroughly enjoyed Branden's brand of honesty. I would say its more of a autobiography than a self help book. From the title you should be able to guess there is a lot of "foul" language, so if that is something you are sensitive to than this book is not for you.
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Doris Wiggins
Oct 29, 2019 rated it it was amazing
This is a book written for all of us out there looking for our prince charming and our happily ever after. Yes we can find these two dreams and they will fulfill our lives, but only after having self-love and joy in our lives. We make our own joy and happiness. She goes on to remind us to have self affirmations that help us look at the positive. We learn that if your life is full of rubbish there's no room for anything else. Move that junk out!!
Written in an " in your face" way, the author tells
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Jen
Dec 16, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Overall I surprisingly really enjoyed this book. The title and cover caught me right away. Its honest, in your face humor but really well done. I do recommended and have already bought a copy to gift to my sister who is just like Branden but hasnt figured out the life advice yet. Yes, its short but that's ok, if you need a quick funny read and one that has some sound and relatable advice in it, then give this a go. ...more
Kristin
Dec 20, 2019 rated it really liked it
Once Upon a Time, Bitches is one of those in your face honest books with a touch of humour. It is basically one of those "stop blaming everyone else for your failure and take responsibility of your own life"-kind of book and I think quite a few people would benefit reading it. It's also quite down to earth, which I liked a lot and not some shrink or other professional sitting on a high horse telling you what to do. ...more
Stacie
Feb 13, 2020 rated it did not like it
I received a complimentary copy of this title from the publisher through NetGalley. Opinions expressed are my own.

I'm not entirely sure what I was expecting from this book, but this wasn't it. For funny non-fiction, I'm used to Jenny Lawson. I thought this would be similar in tone, with a fairy tale overlay.

I was super bored, found the author whiny, and couldn't get past the obsession on motherhood. Not a fun read for me.
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Dora Okeyo
Nov 29, 2019 rated it really liked it
This right here is what I'd call, " a wake up call in 100 pages." In reading it, I was reminded to take charge of my life and hold myself responsible for my choices, actions and thoughts.
Thanks for the eARC, Netgalley.
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Heather Bennett
Dec 17, 2019 rated it really liked it
Once Upon a Time Bitches is a quick and humorous read. It is well written and the author clearly doesn't hold back. ...more
Realmommybooks
Jan 14, 2020 rated it really liked it
Talk about funny and different. It made me LOL. THIS I THE TYPE OF BOOKS I LOVE. This was so good. Can I please have another one? One thing I loved was that it wasn't slow in reading. ...more
Nancy Allender
Jun 09, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
OMG!!!!

Okay Bitches!!! Brandon tells us like it is! Don't like it oh well you will by the end!!! Now read this book and buy it and go build your own fan fairytale bitches!!!
...more
Rita Hänninen
Aug 17, 2020 rated it liked it
Good story. Would be a 5 star book but way too much swearing.
Joy Corkery
Dec 02, 2019 rated it really liked it
Shelves: done
Originally published here: https://joyfulantidotes.com/2019/12/0...


The cover of Once Upon a Time, Bitches promised me a straight-talking self-help book – and that is exactly what I got. Branden is a real person with real problems. A mouth like a sailor as well but that made me love her all the more. There is nothing worse than getting advice from somebody who project themselves as having the perfect life. It is hard to take their advice seriously and it comes across as very condescending. I hung
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Euni
Jan 05, 2020 rated it really liked it
I didn't expect to relate to this book and author to the extent that I did! I toowas stuck in an unhappy long term relationship and felt hopeless until I suddenly decided enough is enough. I loved reading Branden's book and seeing how real she was. She told you like it is and makes no excuses. You want a better life? You want to feel true joy? Well go out and get it! There is no prince out there waiting to rescue you...you have to rescue yourself.

Her advise throughout the book was fantastic. She
...more
Brianna Brown
Mar 08, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Every time I started feeling depressed, down on myself or my life, or out of control, I picked this book back up and read a few pages until I felt better. I could almost feel Branden reaching out of the book to give me a huge mama bear hug and a quick shove back into the fight. I could feel her surviving spirit. I can tell she is determined to reach as many people in dire straits as possible and show them how to lift themselves out of their situations. I can tell she believes in me. I could hear ...more
Leah Horton
Oct 20, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Thank you Net Galley for a copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.

So. That was intense.

Don’t get me wrong. Self help books are awesome. There are so many because we are all out there wandering looking for someone to give us a sign. Most of the time we already KNOW what we are looking for and what we want to hear. We just need someone else to say it. I am not a huge fan of self help books because none of them have spoken to me. They have great ideas. Great concepts. But they all feel
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Shannon
Dec 31, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
If you want to make changes, big or small, STOP what you're doing and read this book! This is a great way to start 2020! It's short, to the point and beautifully vulgar. (If you don't care for "cuss words" find a new book.) If you embrace all the beautiful, colorful words, this one is for you!

I love her honesty and not just willingness, but insistance on taking responsibility for her life choices. Now she shares that (very) hard-earned wisdom with us. It all comes back to choices- owning the go
...more
Sherrie Cronin
In Once Upon a Time, Bitches, Branden LaNette has written a fast-paced, funny book so good you will hardly realize you’re being given advice to improve your life.

My own advice to you is to (1) read this book, (2) laugh while you do it and (3) wake up the next day with your life a little better on track. Then (4) buy a copy for someone you love.

Best things about this book:

1. It is solid advice told in funny and entertaining way.

2. There is just enough about the author to make you like and believe
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Liberty Ireland Historical Graffiti
When I decided to review this book, it was largely curiosity because I'm such a dyed-in-the-wool hardcore believer in fairytales and happy endings, happily married, etc that I figured it wouldn't apply to me.

WRONG.

It applies to us all, especially the believers in Prince Charming and Happily-Ever-Afters. Can we find and fulfill these dreams? Yes but only if and when we have self-love and joy in our lives. It's up to us to make that. She reminds us that self-affirmations are something we do to hel
...more
Alice Moon
Feb 07, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
At first the cover made me wanna read the book. It's something different, a fairytail with a non-skinny and perfect princess. Oh and the title! Then I started reading the story and I realised this is not a fairytail at all. It's a true story about life, about a simple girl who took some bad decisions. But I understand it's not her fault.
Like the author I realised that who I am now it's because of my parents. But who I will be from now on it will be my decision. If I wanna do left or right it wil
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Andrea Norton
Thank you NetGalley for the ARC in exchange for an honest review.

Branden, I am almost begging you - please write more. Anything. Everything. One book is amazing but the world needs more of you.

This books speaks truth in an honest way, with the kind of brutality that doesn't hurt people but opens eyes and minds to what is really going on.

In a nut shell, Branden LaNette is right. She is 100% unequivocally right.

I expected to read this over a two day period but that didn't work, I blew through
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Kathy
Jan 03, 2020 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Branden and I didn’t have the same upbringing, yet we turned out very much alike. Learning to make our way, handling the hurts and learning to celebrate the good things. Basically realizing we could manage our own destiny. The difference is I was always told I could manage my own destiny no matter how hard things were to handle and Branden had to learn it. Learn it definitely from the school of hard knocks.

I think this book is a great read for many types of people. It is just a plain good read
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Afton
Feb 11, 2020 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
I found this to be "ok" but pretty generic in terms of a self-help book. ...more
Tish MacWebber
Dec 29, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I loved this book! I have been following the author on social media for a while now, and reading her book was like reading a full length, no-nonsense pep talk from Branden LaNette. I took my time with it, which meant I read it in two days, not one. Her seven maxims make sense, and if you apply them to your life, it will change your perception from how things were to how things are going to be. I say this because it is the style in which the book is written. There is no wish or want, there is onl ...more
SOMDReigel
Oct 11, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Once Upon a Time Bitches is written in a motivated, no nonsense, blunt, way. Her advice is practical and doable. There is a lot of cursing – but in a totally appropriate way (however, if you’re opposed to cursing, this book isn’t for you). This is a self-help book that guides you control your destiny. It’s written in a non-preachy, down to earth, fun way. It’s okay to be a hot mess. Success is different for everyone. Most importantly, success for you is whatever YOU say it is. As she outlines he ...more
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It's amazing to me that I am writing this bio because the truth is, I give almost everything to my kids. (I'm a Mama to six C-section babies ages 1-16!) My husband gets a sliver after "almost"... then what's left is used to run a business, coach people who want to be in business, and oh yeah, write a book.

Truly, writing a book is a lifelong dream come true. It all started when I was coaching a sma
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