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Once Upon a Time, Bitches: Design Your Fairytale Life, Control Your Destiny, and Become the Hero in Your Story
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Once Upon a Time, Bitches: Design Your Fairytale Life, Control Your Destiny, and Become the Hero in Your Story

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4.49  ·  Rating details ·  43 ratings  ·  33 reviews

Hi, I’m Branden. That is me on the cover.
Yes, I have a boy’s name, a Mom bod, and the tattoos are not photoshopped.
Once upon a time I realized we all have a story, we all have a struggle and happiness is relative. I am not cynical or hardened, I am just stating the facts.Here’s the deal:



Prince Charming doesn’t exist.
Fairy Godmother is drunk.
Glass slippers don't come
...more
Kindle Edition, 109 pages
Published October 7th 2019 by Success In 100 Pages (first published October 5th 2019)
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Average rating 4.49  · 
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Start your review of Once Upon a Time, Bitches: Design Your Fairytale Life, Control Your Destiny, and Become the Hero in Your Story
Janet Newport
Oct 13, 2019 rated it really liked it
Shelves: 2019-reads, netgalley
Thank you NetGalley and IBPA for this arc.

I found this to be an easy -- but in your face -- read. Brandon is upfront about that in her introduction, she admits to being a real potty mouth. So if you're looking for a gentle, leading you forward sort of read, this isn't it.

She is very honest though about her own life and how she came to realization of her "Maxims". They are simple and plain common sense. All boil down to taking action. Don't beat your self up over your circumstances and past
...more
Alaina
I received this ARC from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

Now this was a fun and wild ride. Didn't even know how badly I needed Once Upon a Time, Bitches in my life... but let's just say Branden is my new spirit animal. Ever since the beginning of this book, I was hooked. I absolutely loved how unapologetically upfront she was throughout the book. She was definitely a breath of fresh air because being surrounded by fake nice people at work can cause a giant migraine.

Wait till all
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Jasmine
Oct 19, 2019 rated it it was amazing
What can I say about Once Upon a Time, Bitches?

One: This is the most real, relatable book I've ever read. Seriously.

Two: I absolutely loved it.

Three: That cover is gorgeous.

When this book first came across my radar, I was immediately intrigued. The synopsis screamed, "This is definitely not your typical "self-help" book." I knew then, after skimming over the synopsis, that I wanted to read this book. And I was not disappointed.

Once Upon a Time, Bitches doesn't hold back. There's some
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Zee Monodee
Dec 22, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: non-fiction
One of the best - if not THE best - advice book out there for any girl/woman wanting to own up to her existence and make the best version of herself she can be. If you're easily offended by the f-word, the s-word, the b-word (hello, title!), then this is definitely not the book for you! But if you can look beyond that and actually see the real-life wisdom Branden LaNette delivers through those quirky own-life stories, the unapologetic potty mouth and pen, then yes, you might just have found out ...more
Leah Horton
Oct 20, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Thank you Net Galley for a copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.

So. That was intense.

Don’t get me wrong. Self help books are awesome. There are so many because we are all out there wandering looking for someone to give us a sign. Most of the time we already KNOW what we are looking for and what we want to hear. We just need someone else to say it. I am not a huge fan of self help books because none of them have spoken to me. They have great ideas. Great concepts. But they all feel
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Sherrie Cronin
Jan 11, 2020 rated it it was amazing
In Once Upon a Time, Bitches, Branden LaNette has written a fast-paced, funny book so good you will hardly realize you’re being given advice to improve your life.

My own advice to you is to (1) read this book, (2) laugh while you do it and (3) wake up the next day with your life a little better on track. Then (4) buy a copy for someone you love.

Best things about this book:

1. It is solid advice told in funny and entertaining way.

2. There is just enough about the author to make you like and believe
...more
Shannon
Dec 31, 2019 rated it it was amazing
If you want to make changes, big or small, STOP what you're doing and read this book! This is a great way to start 2020! It's short, to the point and beautifully vulgar. (If you don't care for "cuss words" find a new book.) If you embrace all the beautiful, colorful words, this one is for you!

I love her honesty and not just willingness, but insistance on taking responsibility for her life choices. Now she shares that (very) hard-earned wisdom with us. It all comes back to choices- owning the
...more
Liberty Ireland Historical Graffiti
When I decided to review this book, it was largely curiosity because I'm such a dyed-in-the-wool hardcore believer in fairytales and happy endings, happily married, etc that I figured it wouldn't apply to me.

WRONG.

It applies to us all, especially the believers in Prince Charming and Happily-Ever-Afters. Can we find and fulfill these dreams? Yes but only if and when we have self-love and joy in our lives. It's up to us to make that. She reminds us that self-affirmations are something we do to
...more
Kathy
Jan 03, 2020 rated it really liked it
Branden and I didn’t have the same upbringing, yet we turned out very much alike. Learning to make our way, handling the hurts and learning to celebrate the good things. Basically realizing we could manage our own destiny. The difference is I was always told I could manage my own destiny no matter how hard things were to handle and Branden had to learn it. Learn it definitely from the school of hard knocks.

I think this book is a great read for many types of people. It is just a plain good read
...more
Tish MacWebber
Dec 29, 2019 rated it it was amazing
I loved this book! I have been following the author on social media for a while now, and reading her book was like reading a full length, no-nonsense pep talk from Branden LaNette. I took my time with it, which meant I read it in two days, not one. Her seven maxims make sense, and if you apply them to your life, it will change your perception from how things were to how things are going to be. I say this because it is the style in which the book is written. There is no wish or want, there is ...more
Lixa Santiago
Oct 14, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Let's begging talking about the gorgeous cover! The picture above does not do justice to the actual physical book! I was giving this book as an Advance Readers Copy in exchange for my honest review. When I open that package I gasp, its so beautiful!

And then I began to read it. This book is funny, cute and as real as it gets. The author is bold and to the point, she is also very friendly. She don’t sugar coat anything! There is cursing but its not in a rude way. This is a self-help book like you
...more
Meaghan Hurn
Jan 06, 2020 rated it really liked it
Branden Lanette is open, honest and "has no problem hurting your feelings."

Once Upon A Time, Bitches is a great read for some, and it will be of immense help to others. Is it written in the mode of all of the perfect rules you learn in writing class?
No, it isn’t. But I don’t think that’s the point here. It’s written clearly, openly, and raw with someone’s true feelings. There are a lot of good lessons here.

As someone who thinks it's in poor taste to constantly drop the f-bomb in a book, I
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SOMDReigel
Oct 11, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Once Upon a Time Bitches is written in a motivated, no nonsense, blunt, way. Her advice is practical and doable. There is a lot of cursing – but in a totally appropriate way (however, if you’re opposed to cursing, this book isn’t for you). This is a self-help book that guides you control your destiny. It’s written in a non-preachy, down to earth, fun way. It’s okay to be a hot mess. Success is different for everyone. Most importantly, success for you is whatever YOU say it is. As she outlines ...more
True Review
Dec 29, 2019 rated it liked it
For Full Review check my blog True Review with Monica!
[Link in Bio]

Thank you netgalley and Branden LaNette for an e-copy of Once Upon A Time Bitches

I didn't know how much I needed this book until I was finished with it. Boy this girl is intense, blunt to the bone and I Love it!

If you want to feel like you're getting advice from your best friend, read this book. Branden keeps it real and reminds you that You and only YOU can save yourself with her 6 Maxims to life. I love the bluntness she
...more
Doris Vandruff
Oct 29, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This is a book written for all of us out there looking for our prince charming and our happily ever after. Yes we can find these two dreams and they will fulfill our lives, but only after having self-love and joy in our lives. We make our own joy and happiness. She goes on to remind us to have self affirmations that help us look at the positive. We learn that if your life is full of rubbish there's no room for anything else. Move that junk out!!
Written in an " in your face" way, the author tells
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Mackenzie Bates
Oct 28, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Wow! I never thought I would get hooked on a book like this. However, Branden LaNette is straight forward and to the point about why your life's probably not going as you planned (for those of you that aren't afraid of a little tough love). This book was short, fun, and easy to read, however her point hit home and has caused me to rethink aspects of my everyday life. I recommend this book to anyone and everyone who thinks their tires are spinning in the mud. This is a real eye opener folks! MUST ...more
CR
Oct 13, 2019 rated it it was amazing
This self-help book was not like other self-help books. I read through it in just over an hour and I know I will read it again soon. It was full of humor and fun and so many snarky swear words and so much humor. This title helps you realize that the way your life is going is from the choices that you have made. And the only person that can save you is yourself. It tells you to believe in your dreams and to pretty much tell everyone to F*** Off!! Stop making excuses and just do it.


Go Into This
...more
Chris
Dec 19, 2019 rated it really liked it
This book is one kick-you-in-the-ass self-help book. It's a pretty powerful dose of reality especially if you listen to the audiobook like I did. Branden is a girl after my own heart and real as real can get. I related so much to her past and her current state of being a tattooed mama with a past I'm trying to heal from. While some people may be turned off by her brashness I found her honesty deeply appreciated. This book is just what I needed to snap out of the rut I've been in for the past ...more
Nina Harrington
Oct 09, 2019 rated it it was amazing
I adored this book!
No fluff, no whimsical sidelines, just hard talking from one empowered, self-assertive women to everyone with dreams and goals who feels that they are totally stuck in a dark place where they cannot break free.
Forget the "manifesting" aspects and focus on the practical mindset shifts you need to bring more joy into your life every day, while paying the bills.
Branden breaks her approach into 7 maxims which are designed to be totally transformative if you take them to heart,
...more
Chelsia M.
Oct 21, 2019 rated it it was amazing
You want this book on your library!!! It's fresh, bold, raw, and full of REAL-everyday-woman inspiration. Brandon's analogies to Snow White is awesome!!! She has 7 MAXIMS instead of dwarves!!
How she talks about her daily routine & the love she has for her children while trying to find herself & get herself together will remind ALL moms the world over that it's OKAY to not have it all together.
I appreciated her realness & her willingness to let readers into her world.
Phenomenal debut
...more
Gayle B
Dec 27, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Need to get control of your life, your career? This book will help you do it. Quick read, right to the point, no nonsense, in your face self help book. All the methods you may have heard or seen before in an easy to read book. I would recommend this to anyone who is feeling stuck, feeling that things are not going their way and are ready for a change. This will be your reference book.

I received a free book and voluntarily provided this review.
Jen
Dec 16, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Overall I surprisingly really enjoyed this book. The title and cover caught me right away. Its honest, in your face humor but really well done. I do recommended and have already bought a copy to gift to my sister who is just like Branden but hasnt figured out the life advice yet. Yes, its short but that's ok, if you need a quick funny read and one that has some sound and relatable advice in it, then give this a go.
Kristin
Dec 20, 2019 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Once Upon a Time, Bitches is one of those in your face honest books with a touch of humour. It is basically one of those "stop blaming everyone else for your failure and take responsibility of your own life"-kind of book and I think quite a few people would benefit reading it. It's also quite down to earth, which I liked a lot and not some shrink or other professional sitting on a high horse telling you what to do.
Tanya
Dec 10, 2019 rated it really liked it
I recieved a e-copy of this book from netgally. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

I really appreciated Branden's honesty and truthfulness. I would say this book is more of a autobiography than a self help book though.

There is a lot of cursing so if that's something you are sensitive to than this book isn't for you.
Cristie Underwood
Oct 09, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: kindle
This is a very honest and to the point book on how to improve your life using 7 maxims. The author doesn't want you to "manifest" your way to happiness, but to work for it. Her advice is practical and easily attainable for anyone. I highly recommend this one and am actually buying copies to give to some friends!
Tanya
Dec 10, 2019 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
All opinions are my own. Thanks to Netgally for the e-arc

I thoroughly enjoyed Branden's brand of honesty. I would say its more of a autobiography than a self help book. From the title you should be able to guess there is a lot of "foul" language, so if that is something you are sensitive to than this book is not for you.
Andrea Norton
Thank you NetGalley for the ARC in exchange for an honest review.

Branden, I am almost begging you - please write more. Anything. Everything. One book is amazing but the world needs more of you.

This books speaks truth in an honest way, with the kind of brutality that doesn't hurt people but opens eyes and minds to what is really going on.

In a nut shell, Branden LaNette is right. She is 100% unequivocally right.

I expected to read this over a two day period but that didn't work, I blew through
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Dora Okeyo
Nov 29, 2019 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This right here is what I'd call, " a wake up call in 100 pages." In reading it, I was reminded to take charge of my life and hold myself responsible for my choices, actions and thoughts.
Thanks for the eARC, Netgalley.
Heather Bennett
Dec 17, 2019 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Once Upon a Time Bitches is a quick and humorous read. It is well written and the author clearly doesn't hold back.
Realmommybooks
Jan 14, 2020 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Talk about funny and different. It made me LOL. THIS I THE TYPE OF BOOKS I LOVE. This was so good. Can I please have another one? One thing I loved was that it wasn't slow in reading.
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126 followers
It's amazing to me that I am writing this bio because the truth is, I give almost everything to my kids. (I'm a Mama to six C-section babies ages 1-16!) My husband gets a sliver after "almost"... then what's left is used to run a business, coach people who want to be in business, and oh yeah, write a book.

Truly, writing a book is a lifelong dream come true. It all started when I was coaching a
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