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The Survivor's Guide to Sex: How to Create Your Own Empowered Sexuality After Childhood Sexual Abuse

4.32  ·  Rating details ·  197 ratings  ·  12 reviews
Based on the author's extensive training and experience in working with abuse survivors, The Survivor's Guide to Sex offers an affirming, sex-positive approach to recovery from incest and rape. While most books on the topic broach sexuality only to reassure women that it is alright to say "no" to unwanted sex, this one encourages women to learn how to say "yes" to their ow ...more
Paperback, 200 pages
Published May 28th 1999 by Cleis Press (first published January 1st 1999)
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4.32  · 
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 ·  197 ratings  ·  12 reviews

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Aug 06, 2011 rated it it was amazing
This is an excellent resource for survivors of childhood sexual abuse. One word of caution: prepare to move slowly. The writing is concise, which tricks the mind into thinking that these concepts were easily developed and can be worked through quickly. Allow yourself time to work through each idea, each new exercise. Maybe each exercise takes you a week, or more, to work through. That's okay. This book is about learning self-acceptance, being fully present in your body, and healing. Build a safe ...more
The Survivor's Guide to Sex: How to Create Your Own Empowered Sexuality After Childhood Sexual Abuse is almost an ancient book (1999) but has many current day sexual abuse recommendations

I was at a library and saw this left on a table. I’ve had this in my library since 99 and find myself recommending it to affected folks and families.

I’m sure there are newer books, in this era of growing abuse, but this book had good suggestions for increasingly troubled times.
Jan 06, 2008 rated it it was amazing
This is the best book I've read about sexuality and healing from the perspective of a survivor for survivors. Highly recommend reading this if you are are a survivor or known surviors, which is pretty much all of us, I think.
I felt this book is highly inclusive of many different forms of sexuality. Kink, poly, queer, hetero, asexual, etc positive. Emphasizes consent, strategizes dealing with triggers and dissassociation and gives good information about sex toys, masturbation, our bodies and dif
Meg Elison
Sep 05, 2008 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: reclaiming
If you need to read this, you know who you are. You will probably give up on some part of it at some point. Go back to it. Get with it, get to know yourself and others. You can take this back.

There is nothing that cannot be reclaimed. Say it over and over. Believe it.
Apr 06, 2008 rated it really liked it
Recommends it for: Most women in the US, and their partners
Shelves: healing
I don't like self-help books because they tend to trivialize human experience. This book doesn't.

It's a thoughtful book that encourages you to question your preconceptions, your fears, your desires, and how to navigate pleasure through that murky terrain of contradictory impulses that accompanies sexuality (for most of us, I feel). It doesn't offer universal solutions but teaches how to examine your own situation clearly and with compassion. And you don't need to have suffered childhood abuse t
May 28, 2012 rated it liked it
I found some aspects of this useful. I think we all find our own path in healing, and some of these exercises didn't appeal to me, while others were compelling enough to try. Definitely a book to be kept on the shelf and returned to as a resource.
This is a must read for all who want to empower themselves and their bodies and may have outstanding issues doing so
Heidi Belleau
Literally lifechanging for me. I am a happier, more peaceful person for having read it. I *needed* this book, and it was here.
Apr 18, 2015 rated it really liked it
OK, I was not able to complete this book. The topic is intense and requires time to read, time to process, and, often, time to work through the exercises. Unfortunately, the book was due back at the library and there was a request on it so I could not renew it.

For the part that I did read, over 3/4 of it, I cannot say that I 'enjoyed' it but that I did appreciate it. The book is full of solid information and suggestions about moving forward in having a healthy sex life after suffering childhood
Apr 20, 2010 rated it really liked it
Shelves: trauma
Pretty good advice, though it left me wanting way more. I wish the chapter on partnering with survivors of abuse was longer, 5 pages is not enough. I want something I can photocopy and hand to people!
Nov 17, 2017 rated it it was amazing
I saw Staci Haines talk about this book at a center for survivors. She is really great, and gave me hope that I could overcome echos of child abuse that were affecting my adult relationships. I did work with the book on many occasional and found it transformative. I keep it as a reference and love her sex-positive tone.
Mar 28, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Helped me so much during a transitional period. Doing the exercises is a must.
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Staci Haines is a national leader in the field of Somatics, specializing in social leadership. Staci has worked extensively with organizational leaders, including corporate executives, non-profits, and social entrepreneurs.

She is a senior teacher at Strozzi Institute and the Co-Director of Methodology, having studied and worked with SI since 1995.

She is the founder of generative somatics, a nonpr