Buy Yourself the F*cking Lilies: And Other Rituals to Fix Your Life, from Someone Who's Been There

by Tara Schuster

Brutally honest, often hilarious, hard-won lessons in learning to love and care for yourself from a young vice president at Comedy Central who was called “ahead of her time” by Jordan Peele.

By the time she was in her late twenties, Tara Schuster was a rising TV executive who had worked for The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and helped launch Key & Peele to viral superstardom. By all appearances, she had mastered being a grown-up. But beneath that veneer of success, she was a chronically anxious, self-medicating mess. No one knew that her road to adulthood had been paved with depression, anxiety, and shame, owing in large part to her minimally parented upbringing. She realized she’d hit rock bottom when she drunk-dialed her therapist pleading for help.

Buy Yourself the F*cking Lilies is the story of Tara’s path to re-parenting herself and becoming a “ninja of self-love.” Through simple, daily rituals, Tara transformed her mind, body, and relationships, and shows how to:

• fake gratitude until you actually feel gratitude
• excavate your emotional wounds and heal them with kindness
• identify your self-limiting beliefs, kick them to the curb, and start living a life you choose
• silence your inner frenemy and shield yourself from self-criticism
• carve out time each morning to start your day empowered, inspired, and ready to rule
• create a life you truly, totally f*cking LOVE

This is the book Tara wished someone had given her and it is the book many of us desperately need: a candid, hysterical, addictively readable, practical guide to growing up (no matter where you are in life) and learning to love yourself in a non-throw-up-in-your-mouth-it’s-so-cheesy way.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Memoir, Audiobook, Mental Health, Personal Development, Psychology

318 pages, Hardcover

First published February 18, 2020

About the author

Oh, hi! Thanks for stopping by. I'm excited to be here and thrilled to meet ya!

I wrote my book with the singular goal of making other people feel less lonely. As a kid, the books of David Sedaris made me feel like I was not alone in having a "different" family and my prayer-hope-please-oh-please-wish is that my book gives you some comfort. Or at least a few laughs. I'll take either tbh.

Tara Schuster is vice president of talent and development at Comedy Central. She was the executive in charge of the Emmy® and Peabody Award-winning Key & Peele, the Emmy® Award winning @Midnight, and numerous other shows including Another Period, Detroiters, and Hood Adjacent. Her plays have been performed in the New York International Fringe Festival and her writing has appeared in The New Yorker online. She lives in Los Angeles.

Reviews

[Theresa Alan · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is essentially a self-help book by way of memoir. There’s a lot of good stuff in here. It’s always helpful to have a reminder to stop the negative thoughts about yourself—like that you’re a failure because you don’t have a boyfriend/the job you want/you aren’t working out or eating well enough and so on. For some of us, giving ourselves pep talks is not our natural state, but Tara reminds us: If your friend were in a similar situation, would you talk to her that way?

It’s also good to remember to live in an attitude of gratitude for what you do have instead of always wanting what you don’t have.

Taking care of yourself through eating well, not muting our lives with drugs including alcohol, getting enough sleep, and nurturing relationships, makes for a much happier life.

But here’s what endlessly distracted me from what good stuff is in here: Tara seems to think she’s writing in the language of Tweets or something. I’m guessing she took a lot of this from her own journals, and in my journaling, I also use shorthand because ideally, I’m the only one who is ever going to read those pages. Maybe she was trying to seem overly conversational, but she was only having conversations with other Millennials, because those of us who are Gen X or older LEARNED TO WRITE IN COMPLETE SENTENCES BECAUSE THIS IS A BOOK.

I got an advance copy from NetGalley, so the first couple times I ran across the lowercase “rn,” I thought it was some kind of typo, which happens a lot in advanced reader copies. The third time, from the context, I realized she was trying to say “right now,” and apparently didn’t have the time or space to be clear about this. I’m on social media so I know many shorthand terms, but sometimes, just bothering to write things out makes for actual clear writing, which is a super handy thing when it comes to communicating in written form.

I identified with a lot of what Tara had to say. The tumultuous childhood she had was nuts. The most nutty thing were the unimaginably cruel voice mails her estranged mother would leave her after her parents separated and the mother took the younger sister, leaving Tara with her dad. So, even though I’ve had ups and downs with my own mom, it made me appreciate that we do have a good, if not always easy, relationship.

Thanks to NetGalley for the opportunity to read this book, which RELEASES FEBRUARY 18, 2020.

For more reviews, please visit http://www.theresaalan.net/blog

[B. · Rating 1 out of 5]

I received an ARC of this book, and it's a train wreck. The author's kind of a train wreck too. I can only guess that the editor who okayed this has the flu and has some kind of impaired judgement or something. It's got such a narrow target audience, and it's just rather a waste of paper. It reads like someone decided to print out their social media blatherings.

To quote the movie Easy A: Mr. Griffith: "I don't know what your generation's fascination is with documenting your every thought... but I can assure you, they're not all diamonds. "Roman is having an OK day, and bought a Coke Zero at the gas station. Raise the roof." Who gives a rat's ass?"

[Olive Fellows (abookolive) · Rating 3 out of 5]

A book for the sparsely parented among us, this book aims to help readers "re-parent" themselves. It covers matters such as lessening negative self-talk, seizing opportunities, avoiding leaning on substances, best handling relationships, introducing an exercise program into your life - a wide variety of subjects, at least one of which is destined to speak to a problem that the reader faces.

I really enjoyed the first half of this. The author gives some great recommendations of methods to get yourself out of your own head and into some habits that will help you in the long run. I definitely want to take her up on at least a couple of her suggestions.

I also really liked the "I'm in this with you" tone to the book. Part of it could be defined as a memoir as she takes you through some of her own experiences and, most importantly, what she learned from them. There's a definite "things don't have to be as hard for you as they were for me" kind of sentiment to the book that makes it incredibly relatable and approachable.

However, her language oscillates back and forth between well-crafted thoughts and internet abbreviations. Listen, I'm on Twitter too and use "af" in plenty of text messages but that stuff DOES NOT BELONG IN A BOOK. Authors, stop doing this. It's not cute.

The author probably had little to do with this next part, but the "swear words in the title" trend needs to end. Don't get me wrong, I'm a lover of curse words. I married a man from New Jersey. I'm very used to them. But the novelty of the *dreaded f-word* in the title died back in 2015. All you're doing by going for the shock factor of cursing in the title is guaranteeing your book won't be reviewed anywhere because they can't say or print the title. I'm even reticent to use it on my Booktube channel because people are so touchy about cursing (you should see some of the comments I get to that effect). Stop doing it! It's not even appropriate for this book! It should include the word "re-parent" because that's what this book is and why it'll appeal to readers.

The second half of the book I didn't connect with at all; no one is ever going to convince me to go on HIKES and I've been in a stable relationship since I was seventeen so those chapters just...weren't for me. But again, I think most people will connect with even a piece of this. Despite my gripes, this is probably the best executed self-help book I've ever read.

[Emily B · Rating 4 out of 5]

Firstly I’m surprised if the author has any wall space left as she seems to stick almost everything to her walls and doors.

Seriously though this book had a big impact on me. As a result I loosely have started journaling and have started to just buy the lilies.

[Christopher Burke · Rating 2 out of 5]

Like many, I was drawn to this book by the incredibly sassy title.

But the title is *also* emblematic of what ultimately repelled me as a reader. I really wanted to love this — and there were moments of clarity AND hilarity.

However, Tara ultimately winds up promoting an inherently self-centred world. In that world, the “individual” seems required to “win” against any wider social and cultural imperative.

So much so that any personal “improvements” really are — at the end of the day — self interested, fragile and (I strongly suspect) superficial.

It’s just my view, but I really don’t think the world needs more of a “me” culture. Quite the opposite.

In fact, can I suggest that you *do* buy the lilies, and then GIVE them to your mother?

You’ll *both* feel better.

[Nenia ✨ I yeet my books back and forth ✨ Campbell · Rating 2 out of 5]

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DNF @ 30%



Okay, so I've been struggling with this book for a while. I originally bought it because I loved the title and I struggle with getting myself nice things because deep down, I kind of feel like I don't deserve them. And I actually agree with a lot of the things the author says, like how when you have depression and anxiety but you also come from a background of privilege, you might actually feel a lot of guilt over being so depressed and anxious because you don't feel like you "deserve" to. This book also emphasizes the importance of self-reflection and self-care, which I also think are really important.



I think this book fails, though, because in trying to relate, the author came off as pretty unrelatable to me. I can't afford theater tickets and I'm not on any first-name bases with celebrities. She does come off as very privileged and while I love that she was up front with that, I couldn't really relate to her life, and the pop psychology/girl, I got you vibe of this book kind of made this feel like a secular version of GIRL, WASH YOUR FACE, which I really can't stand.



For some people this might be a good book but I didn't really like it. It's a self-help book, with memoir elements, and if that's your jam you'll probably like this. Personally, she lost me when she started talking about how much she loved journaling and the merits of positive psychology. I have a very toxic relationship with journaling and no longer do that, and I don't really like positive psychology because I feel like it's been co-opted in the social media sphere by people who practice toxic positivity.



2 stars

[The Girls Read · Rating 2 out of 5]

As a memoir, I think I would have better enjoyed this one. But as a pseudo self help-type book, it really missed the mark.

Growing up in a rocky household with parents who later divorced, becoming a self-proclaimed "party girl," and then working through her issues and later landing a pretty high up job with Comedy Central is the gist of the author's life. Her self-help tips aren't anything new or revolutionary, and a lot of her experiences (especially interactions with friends that led to her "growth") come off as weirdly dramatized for the sake of making a point.

She also makes self care seem a bit too simple. "I'm sad so I called a friend who lives in Tokyo who told me to come visit her and so I did and wow seeing the world really changed my life and I think you should do the same" or "One day I felt bad about myself and then the next day I bought an unlimited pass to a meditation studio and now my life is changed" (I'm definitely paraphrasing here).

A lot of the book comes off a bit elitist, to be honest. When someone says they went to a really nice private school, followed by Brown University, and then flippantly states how "poor" they were, it irks me to no end. There are moments when the author realizes her privilege, but most of the time, I think the things she has to say come off as incredibly tone deaf.

And the language she implores, like the overuse of the word "fuck" (which I realize is so ~*trendy*~ in self-help books now), and "supz" instead of super, "v" for very, was just a bit much for me. It stopped being cute about halfway in and started feeling like a desperate way to appear hip and cool and connect to the younger generation. Same goes for how often she felt the need to mention she used to do coke and smoke weed. Like, maybe she mentioned it so often as a contrast to how much "better" she is now, but it started to feel more like she wanted to prove how cool she was? I don't know. I really wanted to like this one, but the more I read it, the more frustrated I found myself getting with it. I'm sure Tara is a cool person with great things to say - I just wish she hadn't presented it to everyone as self care.

As a current VP at Comedy Central, I think I would have been much more interested in a job-related book from her - one that explains her career steps in-depth, because I feel like that sort of information would have been much more valuable, and I probably would have taken that more seriously.

Thanks to NetGalley for providing me with an ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.

[Megan · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really was excited about this book, as it was recommended to me. However, it wasn’t the fierce memoir I expected, but rather a self-help book for someone in their twenties. I’m not the intended demographic. I also didn’t agree with about half of her advice. While acknowledging her privilege, she did not keep any of that in mind when offering the advice, just presuming her audience would have the same privilege as she. Sigh, not for me. 2.5 stars

[Krista · Rating 4 out of 5]

You are worth seven-dollar lilies. You are worth the thing that instantly makes your life better. I've heard people talk about their favourite exercise class this way. I've heard people talk about an order of guacamole with their tacos this way. I've heard people talk about the ten-dollar, ten-minute massage at the nail salon this way. That small, pleasurable thing that makes you feel like you are treating yourself – do not deprive yourself of this. Buy the f*cking lilies, take the class, order the guac, get the massage.

Today, Tara Schuster is a happy and fulfilled “self-care ninja”, and as Comedy Central's Vice President of Talent and Development, is by all outward appearances (and by her own account) living a healthy and successful life. But this was not always so. Waking up the morning after her twenty-fifth birthday – vomit in her hair and voicemails from her frantic therapist, whom she didn't remember drunk-dialling the night before – Schuster decided then and there to figure out why her life was such an unhappy disaster. Over the next five years, Schuster examined every facet of her life, and by consulting other self-help books and trusting the wisdom that emerged from her own journalling efforts, she was able to find her way to a form of self-love that enabled her to then shine love out into the world as well (it's really not as cheesy as that sounds). In Buy Yourself the F*cking Lilies, Schuster has assembled the lessons she learned (divided into three broad categories: Mind Rituals; Body Rituals; and Relationship Rituals), and while I really don't think that I am the target audience (the title alone screams a younger market), I found Schuster's voice to be so likeable, her storytelling to be so candid, and her advice to be so achievable, that I wouldn't hesitate to recommend this to a young woman looking for direction. (Note: I read an ARC and passages quoted may not be in their final forms.)

Before I began my path to re-parenting and healing my wounds, it never occurred to me that you could enjoy your life. Having grown up in chaos, I naturally and easily built disorder into my adult life. I was so good at it, you guys. I thought that was life: a series of problems to be tackled until you have lived another day, only to face a new disaster. Divorce, fights, your parents losing their jobs, fights with your boyfriend, you possibly losing your job, being too high, not knowing yourself, those were the things my life was made up of. In that place of turmoil, I only had the wherewithal to survive to the next day. I was barely present for a life that I felt was happening to me.

Mostly self-help with a lot of autobiographical bits to illustrate her journey, the basis of Schuster's healing was journalling: for the six years prior to writing this book, she made a ritual out of writing three single-spaced pages in her journal at the beginning of every day; with intention, examining her thoughts and feelings and repeating concerns, and eventually adding a daily unique list of ten things she's grateful for. And it was in these journals that Schuster discovered where her hurts originated and began to imagine what future actions might heal those wounds. I'm not going to describe all of the thirty-some rituals Schuster eventually embraced in order to improve her life, but they include such commonplace ideas as exercising, eating well, and keeping your home tidy (“dinner party ready”, but just for you) and such girly-frou-frou actions as covering the walls of your private space with inspirational quotes and pictures of “fierce” role models (held up with strips of glittery washi tape; “the Etsy version of Russell Crowe's office in A Beautiful Mind”), lighting incense or candles as you do your makeup routine in the morning (like the empress/goddess/Cleopatra that you are), and splurging on fresh flowers, scented candles, and beautiful bras meant only for your own enjoyment. And it's because of the girly-frou-frous that this seems aimed at young women; that and the title and the Millennial-girl-squad conversational tone:

I began to realize that I did indeed have a lot to be grateful for. That didn't mean I didn't also have trauma in my life. It certainly didn't mean that I had worked out all of my issues from childhood and now everything was “perf, thanks, byeee.” The trauma and the gratitude were able to live in the same space, together. Little by little, I pulled the golden thread of gratitude out from the blanket of pain I usually wrapped myself in.

Schuster's family-of-origin did leave her with plenty of baggage to deal with, and I can see how this book could serve as a lifeline for others looking for a path out of their own trauma, pain, and simple confusion around how to live a meaningful and happy life. On the other hand, there's a smack of privilege here: Schuster does state that she has always been very careful with money (so it really doesn't come down to how much you spend on indulgences – like the titular lilies – the point is to honour and nourish your own mind and body), but even so, not everyone will have the time/privacy/energy to wake up an extra hour early every day to write out their innermost thoughts; not everyone is in a position to walk away from unfulfilling relationships and jobs; not everyone has a half hour free every day to go for a walk. Yet: I really did find Tara Schuster to be likeable and relatable, and even if she seemed to have gotten most of her best ideas from other sources (which she notes), I can still see the value in this book for the right reader. Four stars is a rounding up.

[Lada Moskalets · Rating 4 out of 5]

Купила собі цю книжку на 8 березня, такий собі селф-хелп для тридцятилітніх - в основному про те, як про себе піклуватися. Паперова є українською
Авторка пояснює, що навіть маючи в анамнезі деструктивну родину, де батьки ненавидять одне одного і нехтують дітьми, можна зробити своє доросле життя впорядкованим і приємним.
Як?
Якщо коротко - вибудовувати рутини і ритуали, вибирати людей, з якими спілкуєшся і дозволяти собі приємні маленькі радощі.
Наприклад:
- вести щоденник і писати не про події, а про думки чи почуття. В довгому терміні це окупиться, бо дозволить розуміти патерни поведінки
- Дозволити собі невинні радощі, типу квітів із супермаркету і не гризти за кожну покупку. Не гризти себе взагалі.
- бути фізично активною - біг, йога, фітнес - бо це допомагає долати тривожність
- Мати час для себе і ритуали для себе, наприклад приймати ванну посеред дня. Чи писати щоденник зранку.
- Знати свою дозу алкоголю і не перевищувати її.
- Не спілкуватися з людьми, якщо вам з ними погано. Навіть якщо це друзі чи родичі.
- знати людей, з якими вам добре чи які піклуються про вас і шанувати їхню думку чи підтримку, а не гнатися за пошаною „зірок”
- Оточувати себе приємними речима - посуд, меблі, книжки, одяг, бо в приємному оточенні краще думається і працюється

В цій книжці не було якигось суперреволюційних речей і загалом, якщо ви дожили до тридцяти і не сидите в депресії, то цілком ймовірно дійшли до деяких з цих правил самі. Прагнути свого комфорту - не є егоїстична чи погана річ, це необхідно, щоб нормально функціонувати і жити. І кожна з нас може викроїти куточок у житті для душевного балансу. В цей апокаліптичний час можна заперечити, що є важливіші речі за хюге чи щоденник.
Але - якщо ми входимо в буремні часи впевненими в собі і не відкладаємо дрібних задоволень „на колись”, то й вистояти в них простіше.

[Valerity (Val) · Rating 3 out of 5]

The author, Tara Schuster, after years of therapy, spent a good amount of time working on trying to reparent herself, trying different methods. In this book, she shares different methods she suggests, along with her sense of humor throughout. I found it to be a kind of self help book with lots of ideas of things to try for changing the negative voice in your head, and just getting more positive about your life.

If that’s something you are looking for, it’s a decent read, better than many dry tomes of this type. The ideas are creative, possibly even helpful. Advance electronic review copy was provided by NetGalley, author Tara Schuster, and the publisher.

[Katrina · Rating 1 out of 5]

Lol... a white, abled, highly educated person who could afford the benefit of therapy in her twenties wants to let us know that if *she* “can be HAPPY... then you most def can.” GTFO. I can most definitely DNF this sack of shit and roll my eyes at those that blurbed it knowing that the “author” could not even be bothered to “write” complete words. Pretty sure this was completed using voice notes and autocorrect.

[Olha · Rating 5 out of 5]

Прекрасна, прекрасна книжка ❤️
Дочитала і відчуваю тепло та підтримку, якою огорнула мене Тара. Справді, мене шалено мотивує, що навіть з такими вихідними даними можна виплекати величезну любов до життя, самоусвідомленість і віру в себе.
Хочу навчитись того, тому знаю, що буду повертатись до цієї книги ще не раз 🥰

[Kimberly H · Rating 1 out of 5]

I hate to do this, but I quit this book 3/4 of the way through. I wanted to say too much that wouldn’t fit in a mid-read update (so I will mentally subtract this one from my 2021 reading challenge). I chose this book for an annual challenge - the May selection was a book with a flower in the title. But I just can’t finish. The title which attracted me turned out to be what ended up annoying me. It’s not a self-help book for my mid-40s self. It’s for insufferable millennial women whose godmothers are Suzanne Somers (seriously) but have had imperfect upbringings and need to get their sh*t together despite working with famous people in an enviable industry and means to afford therapy 3x a week in their twenties. There are a few pearls of wisdom but by the time I reached part 3, on relationships, I decided I didn’t need advice on how to not settle for just any dude slash you’re worth more than that slash don’t try to change people it just won’t work. Folks, I’ve been married nearly 24 years. So, while it pained me, I didn’t need to waste any more time (this is a freaking LONG book and I was listening to it on 1.75 speed!) on any more advice from someone “who’s been there” (not where I’ve been) that amounted to the same (superficial?) life advice you’ve heard elsewhere: write in a journal, meditate, exercise, and you’re worth it, only littered with expletives and cheerleader-y motivational speeches aimed at YOU!

[Nika · Rating 4 out of 5]

Насправді гарний практичний порадник про те, як "зібрати себе" та й загалом про турботу про себе в першу чергу. Стиль авторки емоційний та драйвовий (!і тут для когось це може стати навпаки бар'єром- інколи вона дозволяє собі такі міцні висловлювання з матюками 😅, але мені такий стиль цілком підійшов). тон книги дружній та легкий.
Тара ділиться своєю історією - як досягнувши дна, їй таки вдалося налагодити стосунки з собою та оточуючими.
Ще не виконувала її поради, але спробую обов'язково 💗побачимо що ж того вийде

[Mehrsa · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is probably more useful to millenials or younger or those just figuring out their lives. There are some good tips in there, but it's basically a catalogue of "self-care" tips. Perhaps this is unfair because this is a problem with basically this whole genre of recent self-help, but I'd like to read more books about Buying someone else the F**** lilies. I think too much internal focus is crazy-making--or at least it is for me.

[Elizabeth Jorgensen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Am I her? Is she me? She made me remember my twenties, to remind myself why I'm never going back.

[Tina · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a delight through and through. Part self help and part memoir, I consider this to be a self improvement book for “old millennials”. She breaks things down into three sections- The Mind, The Body, and The Relationships, and she holds nothing back. It’s authentic without being preachy, and while I listened to it, I’m also so glad to have a hard copy so I can underline. It’s about self-love, showing up, and being present in the life you’re in, and I’m so glad to have gotten a copy. I’ve already been recommending it to my IRL friends :) I don’t often read self-improvement (aka self-help), but now and again I’ll come across one that really speaks to me. This was that kind of book.

[Liubov Peretiazhko · Rating 4 out of 5]

Чому нон-фікшн від Тари Шустер “Купи собі той довбаний букет...” став таким популярним на українському книжковому ринку? Можливо, нам д��йсно варто балувати себе час від часу і купувати собі ті довбані букети? Чи це допоможе нам стати щасливішими? Навряд. Але додасть маленьку краплинку до того, що є насолодою від життя. На мою думку, книга Шустер саме про це: купа порад, ритуалів, психологічних прийомів, які призначені змістити фокус нашого сприйняття із "все хріново" на "не так уже все й хріново, а як добре придивитися, то навіть непогано". Принаймні якщо попрацювати над собою і спробувати щось змінити у власному житті. Тара Шустер, письменниця та сценаристка зі Сполучених Штатів, ділиться з нами своїми ритуалами досягнення душевної рівноваги та гармонійного життя. Ці ритуали вона поділила на три блоки. 1. Ритуали для розуму: важливість ведення щоденника, занять спортом; почуття вдячності та надсилання листівок з подяками; лист до "внутрішньої неподруги"; група підтримки та люди, які надихають; важливість подорожей та виділення одного вечора на тиждень лише для себе. 2. Ритуали для тіла: ранкові збори та макіяж, як у Клеопатри; побалуйте себе запашною ванною; домашній кабінет - маленька святиня; ліфчики, чистота й порядок у помешканні, сервірування вечері, навіть якщо ти сама-одна; овочі, ліки, помірність у вживанні алкоголю. 3. Ритуали для стосунків: сім'я, бойфренди, зближення з сестрою, хвороба батька, що допомогла порозумітися через багато років; друзі; медитації; омріяна поїздка до Парижа. Усі ці поради й ритуали-практики Шустер подає з гумором і з точки зору власного досвіду їхнього застосування, того, наскільки вони допомагають і є "робочими", у першу чергу, саме для неї. Висновок: книгу рекомендую усім прихильникам такого різновиду нон-фікшену, вона є досить інформативною і добре структурованою.

[Nursebookie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I did not know much about Tara Schuster as a TV Executive but certainly know her work very well being involved in The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and Key & Peele. Her work with those shows helped their rise to popularity and its success. I loved to read about the personal life of very successful people and how they learned to manage the balance of their personal and professional life. The book was a great read and learned a lot from it and was able to take the advice to apply to my own personal life. I believe that other readers would be able to do the same as well. I found the read to be thoroughly thought provoking and admire the self-reflection as part of the book. I felt that the book was written with her heart on her sleeves and must be difficult to write these personal struggles for a very successful professional in the industry.
I enjoy the honesty and that the book covered a wholistic approach to the mind, body and relationships, which are the most important to develop a healthy and happy life.
This is truly an amazingly well written book by Tara that I highly recommend.

[Cherniakhivska · Rating 2 out of 5]

Коли з перших сторінок я прочитала, що в авторки є трава і немає дітей, я не зовсім зрозуміла, в чому тоді взагалі її проблема, бо в мене навпаки. Пізніше стало ясно, що саме трава і є її проблемою, ок. Потім в процесі читання я іноді почувалася анекдотичною качечкою, яка казала перелітним лебедям: "ну канєшна...", - коли Тара писала щось типу: "у мене не було грошей на психотерапію, тому я вирішила рідше обідати в ресторанах, щоб зекономлені гроші витратити на психотерапію". Словом, добре, що вона сама не раз згадує про привілеї: як ті, яким вона заздрила, так і власні, - ну і звісно, порівняно з кимось і я дуже привілейована. Гарні думки в книжці є, наприклад, заохочення до спорту, я таки хочу тепер записатися кудись в зал, а щоденник я й так роками веду і не уявляю, як би без нього можна було вижити ще з підліткових років. І тюльпани я собі от купила, дочитавши книжку, хоч не впевнена, що це глибинне бажання, а швидше формальний спосіб "зробити щось для себе". А чого я хочу глибинно - це складне питання, до якого ближча інша книжка, яку я зараз читаю, "Викрадачі вогню". Словом, не шкодую, що прочитала "Букет", водночас ми з авторкою наче в різних вимірах живемо, варто лише згадати, що дочитала я цю книжку, мерзнучи і ховаючись від дощу під дитячою гіркою, доки син грався з іншим хлопчиком на дитмайданчику, а Тара в цей час на останніх сторінках купувала сумку від Шанель в Парижі, бо дозволила собі цю покупку як максимальний вияв любові до себе. Тож я, стоячи під гіркою, прямо-таки сповнювалась відчуттям, що я себе зневажаю, раз засунула себе під цю гірку, під дощ, на цей дитмайданчик і в це життя. Коротше, мене не те що мотивувало, а швидше тицьнуло носом у власну нікчемність. Можливо, якби я читала її в додітний період, то сприйняла б інакше.

[Sarah Booth · Rating 5 out of 5]

Honest look at self care

Tara wrote a very honest and insightful book about coming from difficult beginnings and realizing that she didn’t have the knowledge or skills she needed in life so she set out to teach them to herself and learn how to be a functioning successful adult and develop the skill sets she needed. With humor and a great deal of herself laid bare, Tara shows the reader where she was in her life when she realized it wasn’t working for her. Instead of remaining on a self destructive path she took on the challenge of figuring out how to get the skills she needed to change and grow. Recognizing that you are flailing is the first step. It’s easy to rationalize our actions away so seeing the need for change is a huge first step. We get to see her trial and error in her quest for answers and get the benefit of experiences. We may even see quite a bit of our own experience in hers. With humor and compassion Tara takes you through some rough times and gives the reader some short cuts so they don’t have to go the long way. It’s an nice read and very thought provoking. Even this bitter old GenXer could find a lot to appreciate.

[Renee (itsbooktalk) · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars review to come, this was fantastic on audio!

[Marysya Rudska · Rating 4 out of 5]

Цілком непогана книга!
Нічого революційно нового й трохи забагато позитивного самонавіювання, але загалом читати було приємно. Повернусь до ведення щоденника, все ж таки :)

[Mel · Rating 5 out of 5]

A dizzingly delightful concoction, this memoir is meant to lead by failure & success both. I reveled in Schuster’s (aka T$) encouragements. She is ready in every chapter to admit how she ended up there, inexcusably hungover and covered in some of her vomit, and equally ready to say “hey I know I was a mess, but I want to help you like my friends helped me, so have you tried ___??” What I admire about this book over other self-help bestsellers I won’t name is that Schuster is not ignoring the validity of mental illness as an obstacle. She has been on medication for years for depression and anxiety and while she lays out long lists of guidelines to create rituals that will better oneself, she has included notes about how it’s ok to not follow them to the letter all the time. One notable chapter is her discussion of alcohol consumption and how despite her calling for no drinking on Sundays (because Mondays are hard enough without feeling the effects of one too many glasses of wine) she drank on that Sunday the week she was writing about it.

So really, hers is a book I’d put into the hands of any of my girlfriends (the one so-so part is that on romantic relationships because it slants heavily towards heterosexual coupling, but it really is 80% her memoir and at least she’s not trying to teach what she doesn’t have experience in), knowing that they will get something out of it and hopefully push themselves to buy the damn lilies already. She doesn’t need that promotion to afford them or a husband to do it for her, respecting and loving yourself is too important not to splurge sometimes just because the flowers are too pretty to pass up. My “lilies” are books and I perhaps treat myself too often, but her message is clear. When the plane is going down, even the mother in the instructional video will put on her mask before her child’s. You cannot take care of others, your family or coworkers, no matter, unless you are already taking care of yourself. So whether or not you have also woken up after a raucous birthday night out to several voicemails from your therapist who is concerned for your well-being based on messages YOU left for her but can no longer remember— it’s ok, you can pick up this book to get a laugh and a little bit of a guidance and a whole lot of relief that it’s ok to mess up and there are people, Tara Schuster included, who care about you getting yourself back on track.

[Olena Yuriichuk · Rating 5 out of 5]

Варто почати з того, що, по-перше, я не людина, яка любить нон-фікшин. По друге, якщо я й беруся його читати, повірте, читатиму довго (добре, що в цьому випадку не нудно).

Тара Шустер за трохи більше ніж місяць часу стала мені дуже хорошою коліжанкою. Вона б напевно сказала, що ми стали найкращими подругами - познайомилися, знайшли купу спільних точок, підтримували одна одну на всьому цьому довгому шляху, обговорювали хлопців, сім'ю, начальство і проблеми, а в результаті наш вечір - хоч ми й далеко одна від одної, нас розділяють тисячі кілометрів, - закінчився за чашечкою міцної кави (голова обертом) і наповнюванням ванни з ароматною піною.

Бо, як каже Тара, чорт забирай, ти можеш дозволяти собі все!

Я розумію тих, хто прочитав книжку і розчарувався. Бо тут зібрані поради і розділи, до яких більш впевнені, щасливі і спокійні люди приходять на раз-два. Я щаслива за них (як і Тара), але де в чому не така і мені потрібна підтримка. Хтось обирає психолога (мужні і сміливі, я вами захоплююсь), хтось - тобто я, взагалі-то - йде до книжок і круто, що іноді ця підтримка, ця підпирачка знаходиться на різних сторінках - від фентезі і до нон-фікшину. Справді, Тара багато в чому дала мені копняка.

Слухати себе, сперечатися з внутрішньою Неподругою (в мене вона іноді більша за власне его), любити себе, не уявляти зайвого і поменше напруги - начебто й не треба для цього читати щось, але іноді таки треба. Ну і писати у щоденник. Я цю практику відновила і на останніх розділах, де Тара говорить "запиши це", а потім, коли каже, що певно ти, люба моя, щоденника не завела, додає: "Купи собі той довбаний блокнот!", сміялась від душі. Бо, що ж, Таро, я купила. Говоритимемо тепер на моїх сторінках. А до твоїх вряди-годи повертатимусь, щоправда спершу куплю собі твою книжку. А тоді і той самий довбаний букет. Бо скучила за квітами і я більш ніж заслужила їх у своїй вазі.

П.С. Книжка дуже невичитана, помарки навіть на обкладинці. Якабу, якщо ви тут, зробіть щось з цим негайно, бо ну як так, ну(

[ash · Rating 1 out of 5]

As previously noted, you can't trust someone who idolizes Coco Chanel, but the biggest problem here is that this is self-help from a person who 1. does not actually seem helped, and 2. does not in any way know how they want to deliver it. This is badly written memoir with a skin of journal prompts by a person who thinks three drinks multiple nights a week is "healthy," but repeatedly talks about a pint of ice cream like it's a demon lurking in the freezer, who buys into the, "You and Beyoncé have the same number of hours in a day," school of motivational thinking, who calls Cleopatra a "lady boss," with zero apparent irony.

And not to be callous, but if you've experienced this much trauma and also worked for a comedy network for a decade plus, shouldn't you be, I don't know, funny? Passably funny? Clever? I don't know how you could live for a year in a house with gynecological equipment rotting in your front yard and not turn that into a hilarious anecdote?

Anyway, Schuster's advice boils down to: write it down and, if it's aspirational in any way, put it up on your wall. Preferably with glittery washi tape.

[Angie · Rating 1 out of 5]

Was this a memoir? Was it a self-help book? Was it intended to be humorous? If the focus is supposed to be "rituals to fix your life" I thought there was perhaps too much emphasis on describing the past. For someone who works for Comedy Central I hoped this would have been funnier. Maybe this was a win for others, but not for me.

[Audra (ouija.reads) · Rating 3 out of 5]

How could I not be intrigued by a book that curses at me with its title and is covered in beautiful flowers??

I loved so many things about this book. It is separated into three sections: The Mind Rituals, The Body Rituals, and The Relationship Rituals. The first section specifically really spoke to me. I am in my late twenties, and although our lives have been incredibly different, there was so much that I could relate to about Schuster's experience in trying to find herself. She doesn't hold back, giving specific stories from her life and how she changed and overcame difficulties. The book is much like a memoir and a self-help book all at once.

It is very much told in Tara's voice, very casual and fun, as though she was chatting with you directly. I didn't mind it, but sometimes it did go a bit overboard.

What I appreciated the most was that the book doesn't just talk at you, it also gives you specific actions, rituals, questions to ponder that are really helpful. I have never been any type of consistent journaler, never really getting the point of just chatting to myself about myself. But I took Tara's advice and it definitely helps.

While I think the first part of the book could be so applicable to everyone, the next two parts were definitely written more with women in mind. There are some rituals that I think men would not be as excited about, like buying fancy underwear. There's nothing wrong with that, I guess I just wished it could have been more universal.

Additionally, there were some problematic things in the book. Most pressing were the flippant references to burning or smudging sage. This has become really trendy, but people are starting to be more mindful about this. Sage is not only overharvested due to its social media popularity, but its use is considered cultural appropriation from Indigenous peoples who use the plant for spiritual and medicinal purposes. I'm sure it wasn't her intention to be appropriative, but intentions aren't everything. I would have appreciated a few lines put in about mindful use of sage or about the history of where burning hebs comes from.

My thanks to The Dial Press for my copy of this one to read and review.

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

*Thanks to the publisher for the free review copy*

“Don’t cheap out on yourself”

Woo hoo! I finished a book! And it was enjoyable, practical, and relatable! It essentially comes down to being kind to yourself, indulging in small luxuries, and living your best life. It’s part memoir and part self help. The short chapters were very organized and it was perfect just to read one or two each night.

I was skeptical at first because as a busy mom, sometimes self care can be super hard and some of the suggestions are not conducive when you have a tiny human vying for your attention 24/7. For example, I loved Tara’s suggestion of journaling first thing in the morning. Although I’d have a hard time incorporating this into my daily schedule right now, it’s something I definitely want to try at some point.

I typically take self helpy books with a grain of salt and if I’m able to come away with one or two things to better myself, it’s a win. In this case, I consider it a win.