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Contemplating Divorce: A Step-by-Step Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go
Just as there are right and wrong reasons to marry, there are good and bad reasons to divorce. Some couples are quick to split because they are unwilling to devote the necessary effort to fixing their relationships or to understanding their partners, while others miss out on personal fulfillment by staying too long in unhealthy marriages. This insightful and practical guide, written by a therapist with nearly a decade of experience counseling those considering divorce, will help you evaluate your marriage to determine whether you should stay or go. Without bias toward or against the option of divorce, Contemplating Divorce includes helpful tools to guide you to the right decision.
- GenresRelationshipsMarriage
216 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2008
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Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews
April 5, 2009
In the psychotherapy training clinic I run, couples distress cases are among the toughest for our student therapists, vast majority of whom have never been married, so I'm always on the lookout for good books on the subject.
This one was a bit different than I expected from the cover. It's not really geared toward even-handed consideration of whether to stay or go, but more like working through the process of leaving a spouse. Author runs "divorce groups", and the vast majority of the vignettes are about someone overcoming procrastination, denial, etc. to work up the courage to initiate divorce. I guess a useful supplementary perspective since most therapists probably start with the opposite inclination, but it was a little jarring "for me" as they always say on American Idol.
My other quibble would be that there is virtually no attention to research or even the desirability of basing claims on research. One example: she claims (p. 131) that she can tell whether someone is going to stay married by their response to her initial question about why they want to stay married -- if they have approach motivation (e.g., I want to raise my children in one house with two parents), they are more likely to stay married than if they have avoidance motivation (e.g., I'm staying because I'm afraid of not seeing my children every day).
sounds plausible to me, but I wouldn't be convinced of it unless there had been systematic study of whether this is indeed a predictor. Multiple by 1500 similar statements, and you get a sense of this aspect of the book. To be sure, documenting every single claim with studies can get tedious in a self-help book, and her observations surely count for something, but at least an acknowledgement of the extent to which these generalizations are speculative would have been welcome.
This one was a bit different than I expected from the cover. It's not really geared toward even-handed consideration of whether to stay or go, but more like working through the process of leaving a spouse. Author runs "divorce groups", and the vast majority of the vignettes are about someone overcoming procrastination, denial, etc. to work up the courage to initiate divorce. I guess a useful supplementary perspective since most therapists probably start with the opposite inclination, but it was a little jarring "for me" as they always say on American Idol.
My other quibble would be that there is virtually no attention to research or even the desirability of basing claims on research. One example: she claims (p. 131) that she can tell whether someone is going to stay married by their response to her initial question about why they want to stay married -- if they have approach motivation (e.g., I want to raise my children in one house with two parents), they are more likely to stay married than if they have avoidance motivation (e.g., I'm staying because I'm afraid of not seeing my children every day).
sounds plausible to me, but I wouldn't be convinced of it unless there had been systematic study of whether this is indeed a predictor. Multiple by 1500 similar statements, and you get a sense of this aspect of the book. To be sure, documenting every single claim with studies can get tedious in a self-help book, and her observations surely count for something, but at least an acknowledgement of the extent to which these generalizations are speculative would have been welcome.
July 28, 2011
This would be a good book for anyone in a relationship that they have been considering divorce. What I liked about the book is it is not just to talk you into divorce- but to help you seriously consider all options, and look at if you have exhausted every avenue before you divorce. It has a lot of good exercises in it to get you to think about your marriage, and if you are ready to separate or not.
November 20, 2025
This book delivers on its blurb of being insightful, practical, helpful, and balanced for either way the course will go. There are so many client stories; so many practical matters to consider. In my situation I had a forced separation and was put in a position to learn more about what would be entailed. Despite a reconciliation, I kept reading the book to the end, because it's good to know more about this realm, examine what prompted the crisis, and the options and considerations that lay before you.
May 18, 2026
Lai arī uzrakstīta labu laiku atpakaļ, autore ar šo grāmatu tomēr mērķtiecīgi palīdzēja sastrukturizēt domas. Dažādi piemēri no dzīves ļauj saskatīt paralēles vai gluži pretēji - novērtēt esošo situāciju.
December 25, 2025
Good for my professional bookshelf. Ch 5 especially interesting
October 29, 2024
Not as good as " Too good to leave. Too bad to stay." for providing a checklist and making a decision. But it provides many exercises for getting clear on one's own perspective. And it provides advice and insight into more than just the decision. It is not research-backed but provides the perspective of one professional.
Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews