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The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read: (and Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did)
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The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read: (and Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did)

4.15  ·  Rating details ·  1,691 ratings  ·  185 reviews
"A beautifully comprehensive look at what it might mean to be a sane and emotionally intelligent parent . . . hugely warm, wise, hopeful and encouraging."--Alain de Botton, author of How Proust Can Change Your Life

Instant #1 Sunday Times Bestseller

Every parent wants their child to be happy and every parent wants to avoid screwing them up (they way their parents did!). But
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Hardcover, 320 pages
Expected publication: February 4th 2020 by Pamela Dorman Books
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  • The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read by Philippa Perry
    The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read: (and Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did)
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    Community Reviews

    Showing 1-30
    Average rating 4.15  · 
    Rating details
     ·  1,691 ratings  ·  185 reviews


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    Start your review of The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read: (and Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did)
    Paromjit
    Jan 18, 2019 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
    Psychotherapist Phillipa Perry provides sound common sense advice for parents on how to improve their relationships with their children, much of which will be familiar to professionals that work with children. It is easy to understand, with highly accessible material and ideas on how to improve home life and make it a significantly happier environment. Perry puts a necessarily strong emphasis on parents putting in the effort to understand themselves and the nature of how they themselves were ...more
    Woollythinker
    I really hated this book. I can't relate at all to the author's assumptions that everything you find difficult about looking after a kid (even a baby) goes back to the way you yourself were neglected as a child. Honestly, babies are just a LOT of work, and it's completely reasonable to get fed up, even if you had a perfect upbringing! So that background irritation made it a lot harder to sift the text for possibly useful advice on how to handle those frustrations. There was some, of course, ...more
    H.A. Leuschel
    Sep 19, 2019 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
    This was a good read with some very useful tips to think about for anyone who either is a parent or questions the way they have been brought up, written in a compassionate and clear style.
    Amy Alice
    Fantastic. I'm going to listen to this every year. My strong and personal belief is that relationships rule all. Parenting, teaching, being a good friend...and this bottles that idea and gave me all the reasons why the author think this too, and the science to back it up. It's therapy heavy, it's probably going to make a lot of people mad or guilty, but I loved it.
    Laura
    Jul 17, 2019 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
    This was an interesting read insofar as it pushes the boundaries of how useful a parenting guide can be without considering patriarchal power. Unlike the vast majority of parenting guides, Philippa Perry's The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read gives mostly sensible, empathetic advice for how to relate to people (most of the things she says could apply to relationships with anybody, although are especially relevant to your own children because of how much time you spend with them and how much ...more
    Elaine Mullane
    3.5 stars

    I often try to read books on parenting, more for insight really, but if I can take some tips from it - great! This relatively short book is broken into sections, each detailing how to engage with your child and approach various situations. I found it to be both interesting and practical, and I really appreciated Perry's approach of trying to understand things from your child's perspective before you act.

    I particularly enjoyed the section on socialisation and the qualities children (and
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    Philippa
    Jan 29, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
    Shelves: read-2019
    I am not a parent and I got SO much out of this book. Philippa Perry is one of my favourite psychotherapy writers and frankly I'd read a book about paint drying if it had her name on the front cover.

    I feel like I understand the children in my life - and myself when I was a child - better after reading this. On the whole, society doesn't encourage us to see things from a child's point of view - we are quick to dismiss their feelings as "being silly" and so on. I will never do that again after
    ...more
    Claire Hennighan
    I don't normally read self-help books, but I'd recently had a training session about the use of psychotherapy in schools, a lot of which spoke to me as a parent, and I was keen to find out more. This book is a game-changer. I'm glad that I've read it now, as a parent of a 10 and 7-year-old, but I really wish I'd read it earlier. I'll be buying it for pregnant friends in future!

    This is not a book providing quick fixes and solutions, but rather one which will increase your understanding of what
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    Paul
    Jun 25, 2019 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
    Shelves: books-read-2019
    Parenting is never easy. There is no right way to do it, but there are plenty of wrong ways and for those that are interested there are a plethora of books out there that claim to provide all the advice that you will ever need in raising your genetic heritage. This, however, comes with the by-line, this is a parenting book for people who don’t buy parenting books, which is quite a bold claim. Psychotherapist Philippa Perry is well placed to make this claim with two decades of experience of case ...more
    Kirsty Connell-Skinner
    The antidote to Philip Larkin’s This Be The Verse
    Elizabeth
    Jul 17, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
    If you read one parenting book make it this one.

    Firstly, it’s so easy to read, meaning difficult concepts are explained throughly and great examples used.

    Secondly, good to read for all ages, pregnancy to adulthood.

    Thirdly, great advice.
    Elsbeth Kwant
    Empathy, connection - how you should be to your children, as you would like to be done to. How you should build a during relationship in childhood. A useful reminder.
    Gill Stevas-Russ
    This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
    Jenny Nguyen
    Nov 12, 2019 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
    Shelves: 2019
    This is not a conventional parenting book. It's less about your child(ren), but more about you (parents). Philippa Perry, an experienced psychotherapist, urges a rethinking and re-examination of parents's childhood, persuading us that whatever happens in our childhood would have an effect on our adulthood and how bringing up a child would resurface many of hidden childhood issues. And since no parents are or can be perfect, there's always something to reflect on. Then it's essential, according ...more
    Ann T
    Oct 31, 2019 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
    Thank you Penguin UK and Netgalley for this ARC.

    Philippa Perry is a psychotherapist and I truly appreciated her forgiving, kind hearted approach to parenting in the book. It is not often in today’s society that parents are given permission to acknowledge we don’t always get it right in an in judgmental way. It is a refreshing approach and I am sure many parents would have had times when this book would have been like a big hug on tough days.

    I enjoyed reading about how our parenting is affected
    ...more
    Lauren Beckett
    Sep 02, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
    This is perhaps the most important and life-changing book I've ever read. The first half felt like therapy for me to work through how I was parented and for me to realise the generational patterns I have been repeating when raising my little girl that are not innate, accidental or just the way I am (as I thought) but can be changed and worked on. It has made me much more mindful of my words and behaviour with my daughter and indeed everyone. Since reading this I'm now an avid listener of Janet ...more
    Carolin
    Aug 27, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
    Absolutely brilliant and I don’t think you need to have children to take something away from this book.
    Ingrid Sharp
    Sep 11, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
    I've turned down almost every page corner to refer back to. So much good stuff.
    Ali
    Aug 10, 2019 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
    an okay book, giving some advice regarding parenting and vice versa, a good read
    Silvina De Vita
    Aug 30, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
    Lovely approach!
    Qqqqq
    Dec 26, 2019 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
    Shelves: 2019
    Must-read for every parent and every family therapist!
    Kate
    Aug 29, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
    I WISH I HAD READ THIS BOOK 10 YEARS AGO. It was so good and for whatever reason, her way of describing things just makes sense in a way that I feel it still can help me be a better parent.
    Roshni N
    Aug 27, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
    Life-changing. I have recommended this book to so many people, including my own Mum. It’s not only changed how I think and act in my relationships with my own parents (I don’t have children yet), but also with those around me in general. One to dip in and out of at different points during my life for sure
    Juliet Mike
    Interesting perspectives concerning babies and very young children but also unrealistic and annoying if applied to teenagers. It kind of assumes your child is nice and reasonable and behaves only with innocent motives. It assumes a parent has been able to overcome their own childhood issues and has unlimited quality emotional support from partner, parents and friends and no mental health issues of their own. They are then supposed to be endlessly available to attend to their child's feelings and ...more
    Kim Plowright
    Jun 10, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
    I was worried about reading this book, because I’m still sorting grieving my parents, whilst coming to terms with being childless and perimenopausal. Thought it might be a bit... well, triggery. But it was honest, straightforward, gently funny and kind, and helped me think about some stuff in my own upbringing in a useful way. The simple advice about how relating to people actually works in the real world feels slightly like magic, and the idea that honest attempts at repairing problems is more ...more
    Sarah Watt
    Has some sensible but not earth-shattering advice about listening to and validating feelings. Overall it advocates a very intensive parenting style that in my view we can't possibly have evolved to need (it's telling that the author only had one child). It comes across as more opinion than evidence-based psychology, steeped in a particular sub-culture, and some of the assertions border on the ridiculous.
    Louise Brown
    Apr 05, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
    Solid, sensitive parenting advice that I found actionable within the first chapter. Encouraging and accepting that we cannot be perfect parents but by understanding where your own childhood and experience of being parented plays a part in understanding your own reactions to the trials of parenting. My only criticism is that most of the examples given tended to be a parent dealing 1:1 with a child versus my own experience with three including twins when, for example, sitting on the floor with a ...more
    Tom
    Mar 18, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
    Philippa has written a book that faces real life head on. It's generous and realistic and forgiving, and more than anything else I've read about parenting encourages you to be all of these things towards yourself and your children: to embrace fallibility rather than fetishising perfection, and to live by relating to each other as you actually are rather than as you think you ought to be.

    Above all, for me, this is a book about the transforming force of listening and learning and loving *together*
    ...more
    Abdul Sharif
    Aug 25, 2019 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
    A brilliant read to understand your own self - highlights quite a few traits, whether it's trusting, sharing your emotions, how you deal with stress, general day to day behaviour .. and how it's linked to your childhood upbringing.

    It's very well written and has quite a few examples on how to deal with certain situations, for example when your kid is throwing a tantrum, or how you can build trust, or how a parent should tackle difficult conversations/topics. This book challenged quite a few of my
    ...more
    Samantha
    I liked the theory of this book. Unfortunately, I’m coming to it after reading Why Love Matters, which is far superior. Why Love Matters takes more of a neuroscience perspective, but this book takes more of a psychotherapy slant - at points it felt wishy washy, asking me to reflect on my childhood and my relationship with my mother, etc etc. I prefer the hard biological, endocrinological information. It’s still good information though, and it contained more practical tips, actual parenting ...more
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    Philippa Perry, author of How to Stay Sane, is a psychotherapist and writer who has written pieces for The Guardian, The Observer, Time Out, and Healthy Living magazine and has a column in Psychologies Magazine. In 2010, she wrote the graphic novel Couch Fiction, in an attempt to demystify psychotherapy. She lives in London and Sussex with her husband, the artist Grayson Perry, and enjoys ...more