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The Little #MeToo Book for Men
"For millions of men, manhood can seem like a foregone conclusion, mapped out for us by universally understood rules for being a 'real man.' These rules determine how we walk, how we talk, what we think and do, what we view as our responsibilities and most importantly, how we pursue or fail to pursue our deepest needs, wants and desires.
These rules of manhood become so central to what we believe as to render the distinction between ourselves and our culture of manhood invisible to us.
When millions of men live our lives subject to the rules of a culture we are not fully conscious of, it can be damaging for our families, our communities, our collective quality of life, and even our longevity. The Little #MeToo Book for Men seeks to encourage a conversation about how boys and men arrive at what we believe.
If this conversation can reveal even the slightest glimmer of daylight between our dominant culture of masculinity and our own daily choices as men, my hope is we will find, in that space, a more vibrant and authentic connection to our agency, our power and our humanity."
Mark Greene’s articles on fatherhood, men and emotional expression have received over half a million social media shares and twenty million page views. Greene writes and speaks on men’s issues for the Good Men Project, the Shriver Report, the New York Times, Salon, the BBC and the Huffington Post.
These rules of manhood become so central to what we believe as to render the distinction between ourselves and our culture of manhood invisible to us.
When millions of men live our lives subject to the rules of a culture we are not fully conscious of, it can be damaging for our families, our communities, our collective quality of life, and even our longevity. The Little #MeToo Book for Men seeks to encourage a conversation about how boys and men arrive at what we believe.
If this conversation can reveal even the slightest glimmer of daylight between our dominant culture of masculinity and our own daily choices as men, my hope is we will find, in that space, a more vibrant and authentic connection to our agency, our power and our humanity."
Mark Greene’s articles on fatherhood, men and emotional expression have received over half a million social media shares and twenty million page views. Greene writes and speaks on men’s issues for the Good Men Project, the Shriver Report, the New York Times, Salon, the BBC and the Huffington Post.
- GenresFeminismNonfiction
79 pages, Paperback
Published November 8, 2018
About the author
Mark Greene
5 books12 followersMark Greene is an Emmy Winning Animator, Author, Speaker, Parent and Senior Editor at The Good Men Project. Mark’s articles on men’s issues have been shared half a million times on social media with 20 million page views. He has written and spoken about men’s issues at Salon, Shriver Report, Huffington Post, HLN, and the New York Times. A collection of Mark’s articles on modern masculinity have been published in his book titled Remaking Manhood. Remaking Manhood, is available on Amazon.
Mark is co-author with Dr. Saliha Bava of The Relational Book for Parenting. The Relational Book for Parenting uses comics, fables, articles, and games to help families’ grow their relational intelligence in the daily back and forth of parenting. It’s a joyful, accessible, parent-friendly cure for what ails our isolating culture, helping us to raise a generation of young people better able to connect, collaborate and innovate across differences.
For more information on Mark’s work, join his Remaking Manhood community on Facebook.
Mark is co-author with Dr. Saliha Bava of The Relational Book for Parenting. The Relational Book for Parenting uses comics, fables, articles, and games to help families’ grow their relational intelligence in the daily back and forth of parenting. It’s a joyful, accessible, parent-friendly cure for what ails our isolating culture, helping us to raise a generation of young people better able to connect, collaborate and innovate across differences.
For more information on Mark’s work, join his Remaking Manhood community on Facebook.
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Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews
September 15, 2020
When I first read the title of this book my initial reaction was, “Oh Lord, some guy has gone and published a manifesto whining about being unfairly treated by the #MeToo movement.” Then, a woman who knows me well said, “Michael, you need to read this book. It’s everything you’ve been saying, only more concise.” In the writing world that is code for “better”. So, I started reading.
The woman was right. This book is 70+ pages of truth, wisdom, explanation, and understanding. It doesn’t make excuses, but it does give explanations of how we got here and what we can do to change. I was so impressed with the book, I immediately gave a copy to my twenty-something son and asked him to read it as well.
This is a must read for both genders:
Men will have the opportunity to read the reasons behind the feelings many of have as we walk through life. Knowing the reasons will give them the opportunity to realize we have a choice in how we view the world, and how the world views us.
Women will have the opportunity to get a deeper understanding of why men do what we do. It doesn’t make excuses for men in any way, but through understanding there can be change. Perhaps through understanding we can work together to turn the terms “manhood” and “womanhood” into a more inclusive “Humanhood”.
The woman was right. This book is 70+ pages of truth, wisdom, explanation, and understanding. It doesn’t make excuses, but it does give explanations of how we got here and what we can do to change. I was so impressed with the book, I immediately gave a copy to my twenty-something son and asked him to read it as well.
This is a must read for both genders:
Men will have the opportunity to read the reasons behind the feelings many of have as we walk through life. Knowing the reasons will give them the opportunity to realize we have a choice in how we view the world, and how the world views us.
Women will have the opportunity to get a deeper understanding of why men do what we do. It doesn’t make excuses for men in any way, but through understanding there can be change. Perhaps through understanding we can work together to turn the terms “manhood” and “womanhood” into a more inclusive “Humanhood”.
June 5, 2021
The Little #MeToo Book for Men is, as the title suggests, a powerful but succinct invitation for men to enter into a conversation about the effects of our ingrained definitions of masculinity (based on the US but certainly equally applicable in the UK):
For millions of men, masculinity can seem like a foregone conclusion, mapped out for us by universally understood rules for being a "real man." These rules determine how we walk, how we talk, what we think and do, what we view as our responsibilities and most importantly, how we pursue or fail to pursue our deepest needs, wants and desires. These rules of masculinity become so central to what we believe as to render the distinction between ourselves and our culture of masculinity invisible to us.
When millions of men live our lives subject to the rules of a culture we are not fully conscious of, it can be damaging for our families, our communities, our collective quality of life, and even our longevity. As such, this book seeks to encourage a conversation about how boys and men arrive at what we believe.
These rules centre around the “Man Box” a concept first developed by Paul Kivel and then latter coined by Tony Porter in his powerful TED talk A Call To Men.
The number one rule of the man box? Don’t show your emotions.
Greene very successfully pre-empts the denial many men (and yes I'll acknowledge this) have had, arguing that they are not part of the problem, by pointing out that the Man Box impacts both our empathy with others and indeed our own male mental health:
It is the suppression of empathy that makes a culture of ruthless competition, bullying and codified inequality possible. It is in the absence of empathy that men fail to see women’s equality and many other social issues for what they are: simple and easily enacted moral imperatives.
We tell boys to “Man up.” We tell boys, “Don’t be a sissy.” But what we’re really communicating is “Don’t be female, because female is less.” Wrongly gendering the universal capacity for human connection as feminine and then shaming boys to see feminine as less is how we block our sons from the trial and error process of growing their powerful relational capacities, leading to a lifetime of loneliness. Loneliness which in turn leads to dramatically higher rates of cancer, heart disease, diabetes, Alzheimer's Disease, obesity, and more for men.
Impressively Greene achieves all of this and more (e.g examining the Pyramid of Consent) in just 60, well-spaced, pages. If one has a reservation it is that parts of the book seems focused on those raising sons, and in terms of toxic masculine behaviour the book sets the bar quite low, which may leave some struggling to take away many practical action points to change. 3.5 stars
For millions of men, masculinity can seem like a foregone conclusion, mapped out for us by universally understood rules for being a "real man." These rules determine how we walk, how we talk, what we think and do, what we view as our responsibilities and most importantly, how we pursue or fail to pursue our deepest needs, wants and desires. These rules of masculinity become so central to what we believe as to render the distinction between ourselves and our culture of masculinity invisible to us.
When millions of men live our lives subject to the rules of a culture we are not fully conscious of, it can be damaging for our families, our communities, our collective quality of life, and even our longevity. As such, this book seeks to encourage a conversation about how boys and men arrive at what we believe.
These rules centre around the “Man Box” a concept first developed by Paul Kivel and then latter coined by Tony Porter in his powerful TED talk A Call To Men.
The number one rule of the man box? Don’t show your emotions.
Greene very successfully pre-empts the denial many men (and yes I'll acknowledge this) have had, arguing that they are not part of the problem, by pointing out that the Man Box impacts both our empathy with others and indeed our own male mental health:
It is the suppression of empathy that makes a culture of ruthless competition, bullying and codified inequality possible. It is in the absence of empathy that men fail to see women’s equality and many other social issues for what they are: simple and easily enacted moral imperatives.
We tell boys to “Man up.” We tell boys, “Don’t be a sissy.” But what we’re really communicating is “Don’t be female, because female is less.” Wrongly gendering the universal capacity for human connection as feminine and then shaming boys to see feminine as less is how we block our sons from the trial and error process of growing their powerful relational capacities, leading to a lifetime of loneliness. Loneliness which in turn leads to dramatically higher rates of cancer, heart disease, diabetes, Alzheimer's Disease, obesity, and more for men.
Impressively Greene achieves all of this and more (e.g examining the Pyramid of Consent) in just 60, well-spaced, pages. If one has a reservation it is that parts of the book seems focused on those raising sons, and in terms of toxic masculine behaviour the book sets the bar quite low, which may leave some struggling to take away many practical action points to change. 3.5 stars
June 13, 2022
First of all, if you are warry about the title, then don't be. Here's not a dismissal of the #MeToo movement from some of the most toxic elements of the MRA (which are to men's rights activists the male equivalents of some of the most toxic elements of the feminist movement), but, on the contrary, an intelligent response to it, targeted to men. In fact, if you don't know about Mark Greene, then I want here to also strongly recommend one of his other books: Remaking Manhood: The Modern Masculinity Movement: Stories From the Front Lines of Change
This little read, in fact, asks a very simple question: what are we, men, to do with #MeToo?
Well, if you are smart and sensible enough, there will be nothing new in here for you. As a man, you will know the drill: the overall majority of men are not sex pests, harassers, misogynists, having contempt for women that they treat, merely, like 'pussies to grab' (in words and/ or in deeds). Yet, the overall majority of men, also, have been keeping quiet about those who are; for example, by not challenging them when they make their disgusting and degrading, vulgar, remarks (at work, in locker rooms, or else). And indeed, why should we bother? These are toxic jerks, we have been thinking for too long, the pr#cks among us, and, who wants to waste their time on lecturing a minority of seemingly hopeless pr#cks? Well, as Mark Greene outlines, we must care, simply because, as he puts it:
'In our silence we are culpable.'
What he does brilliantly here, is to link our attitude to past view of traditional masculinity (call it toxic masculinity if you want; he calls it, hinting at Stephen Rodgers' work, 'the man box') and whereas not showing emotions (being sensitive), and being sexually dominant, were expected. Such expectations, of course, have now flown off the windows: he is a Millennial, so am I, and, again, the vast majority of men these days can't care less anymore about such toxicity, which has been harming us for too long. Apart from the remote corners of the MRA (where misogyny is present as much as misandry is in the remote corners of feminism) we, men, are now part of generations which have been rejecting this stifling and suffocating views of manhood. But...
But, not all of us. There are, indeed, what he calls 'the Joes of the world' that is, men who still abide to these sexist, domineering views towards women, and, out of jest or real self-entitlement, still engage in hyper masculine postures, as outdated as they are ridiculous. The point, tough, is that, if most of us have rejected 'the man box', we nevertheless remained trapped into it: we don't challenge such other men, precisely because doing so would be to expose ourselves to have our masculinity being questioned; showing signs of not being hyper masculine being showing signs of, not only not being a man, but, also, risking being excluded and targeted too for it. And so we end up being the silent majority, leaving the stage, by our silence, to those toxic men peddling sexist thrash. He, actually, uses a brilliant metaphor to explain the point, that of a 'Billy the Bully' holding us back (I leave you to read about it, it's right on point).
Now, of course, the book isn't without flaw, one of which being his naivety towards women. Yes, #MeToo has been a well needed cathartic movement, and, yes, for far too long victims of sexual harassments or worse haven't been listened to as they have should. Yet, #MeToo, also, has fed its own toxicity, not least by contributing to a fearmongering of men which has certainly gone too far. Men needed a reckoning, but it's now women's turn to get to grip with how it all went pear shape. I will sound here like going on one of these rants he warns us about not going into, but things have to be said, and others to be corrected.
First, contrary to what he seems to think, if false allegations of abuse and rapes are far from being as common as some would have us to believe, they are, nevertheless, far from being as rare as others would have us to believe too (the 2% figures -which he doesn't quote- has been shown time and again to be a urban myth). The emblematic case of Liam Allen in the UK, for example, should have served as a warning to us all of how this 'listen' has been dangerously equated with 'believe de facto', with consequences which are very destructive for people concerned. I found, here, his shrugging of the issue shocking, as if worrying about false accusations was 'immoral', while, in fact, it reflects a concern for due justice. The presumption of innocence is not something to take lightly because, eh! #BelieveWomen!
Then, this trend for 'Believe Women' (again, that he seems to embrace naively) is everything but serving women themselves, being as it is a free ticket handed over to the most toxic among them to hijack the movement for their own selfish gains. By the same token, it's counter productive and truly harming of real victims. An Amber Heard being busted recently for having made false allegations of domestic violence (including marital rape), and who had angered countless women who really have been domestically abused, is a case in point which is not that uncommon.
Last but not least, the fearmongering about sexual harassment has fed a paranoia which has, not only fed misandry, but also completely diluted the problem. I won't delve into the misandry (a Catherine Deneuve, among many others prominent female voices, had warned us enough about it, we didn't listen at our peril...). But, the diluting of the issue is very concerning. In the UK where I live, for instance, not only staring at people in public has been made an offence, but, in a bid to tackle so-called 'gendered violence', we have to deal with fraud at political and institutional level, for example that of men and boys victims of sexual crimes counted as 'women and girls' (you're read that right) so as to inflate statistics. Here too: if men's silence has been a problem, women's silence about other dangerous trends (e.g. the impact of a certain feminism) ought to be pointed too. It's not about bashing one gender or the other; but about effectively solving issues concerning us all.
Having said all that, in the end, though, this is not a book addressed to women, but to men. As such, I am willing to overlook its flaws and focus instead on its core message: we can no longer allow the bullies among us, and it starts by challenging them. Yes, they are rare; but their impact has been toxic for far too long. Rejecting the man box isn't enough anymore, we need to break out of it and smash it to pieces. Speak out!
This little read, in fact, asks a very simple question: what are we, men, to do with #MeToo?
Well, if you are smart and sensible enough, there will be nothing new in here for you. As a man, you will know the drill: the overall majority of men are not sex pests, harassers, misogynists, having contempt for women that they treat, merely, like 'pussies to grab' (in words and/ or in deeds). Yet, the overall majority of men, also, have been keeping quiet about those who are; for example, by not challenging them when they make their disgusting and degrading, vulgar, remarks (at work, in locker rooms, or else). And indeed, why should we bother? These are toxic jerks, we have been thinking for too long, the pr#cks among us, and, who wants to waste their time on lecturing a minority of seemingly hopeless pr#cks? Well, as Mark Greene outlines, we must care, simply because, as he puts it:
'In our silence we are culpable.'
What he does brilliantly here, is to link our attitude to past view of traditional masculinity (call it toxic masculinity if you want; he calls it, hinting at Stephen Rodgers' work, 'the man box') and whereas not showing emotions (being sensitive), and being sexually dominant, were expected. Such expectations, of course, have now flown off the windows: he is a Millennial, so am I, and, again, the vast majority of men these days can't care less anymore about such toxicity, which has been harming us for too long. Apart from the remote corners of the MRA (where misogyny is present as much as misandry is in the remote corners of feminism) we, men, are now part of generations which have been rejecting this stifling and suffocating views of manhood. But...
But, not all of us. There are, indeed, what he calls 'the Joes of the world' that is, men who still abide to these sexist, domineering views towards women, and, out of jest or real self-entitlement, still engage in hyper masculine postures, as outdated as they are ridiculous. The point, tough, is that, if most of us have rejected 'the man box', we nevertheless remained trapped into it: we don't challenge such other men, precisely because doing so would be to expose ourselves to have our masculinity being questioned; showing signs of not being hyper masculine being showing signs of, not only not being a man, but, also, risking being excluded and targeted too for it. And so we end up being the silent majority, leaving the stage, by our silence, to those toxic men peddling sexist thrash. He, actually, uses a brilliant metaphor to explain the point, that of a 'Billy the Bully' holding us back (I leave you to read about it, it's right on point).
Now, of course, the book isn't without flaw, one of which being his naivety towards women. Yes, #MeToo has been a well needed cathartic movement, and, yes, for far too long victims of sexual harassments or worse haven't been listened to as they have should. Yet, #MeToo, also, has fed its own toxicity, not least by contributing to a fearmongering of men which has certainly gone too far. Men needed a reckoning, but it's now women's turn to get to grip with how it all went pear shape. I will sound here like going on one of these rants he warns us about not going into, but things have to be said, and others to be corrected.
First, contrary to what he seems to think, if false allegations of abuse and rapes are far from being as common as some would have us to believe, they are, nevertheless, far from being as rare as others would have us to believe too (the 2% figures -which he doesn't quote- has been shown time and again to be a urban myth). The emblematic case of Liam Allen in the UK, for example, should have served as a warning to us all of how this 'listen' has been dangerously equated with 'believe de facto', with consequences which are very destructive for people concerned. I found, here, his shrugging of the issue shocking, as if worrying about false accusations was 'immoral', while, in fact, it reflects a concern for due justice. The presumption of innocence is not something to take lightly because, eh! #BelieveWomen!
Then, this trend for 'Believe Women' (again, that he seems to embrace naively) is everything but serving women themselves, being as it is a free ticket handed over to the most toxic among them to hijack the movement for their own selfish gains. By the same token, it's counter productive and truly harming of real victims. An Amber Heard being busted recently for having made false allegations of domestic violence (including marital rape), and who had angered countless women who really have been domestically abused, is a case in point which is not that uncommon.
Last but not least, the fearmongering about sexual harassment has fed a paranoia which has, not only fed misandry, but also completely diluted the problem. I won't delve into the misandry (a Catherine Deneuve, among many others prominent female voices, had warned us enough about it, we didn't listen at our peril...). But, the diluting of the issue is very concerning. In the UK where I live, for instance, not only staring at people in public has been made an offence, but, in a bid to tackle so-called 'gendered violence', we have to deal with fraud at political and institutional level, for example that of men and boys victims of sexual crimes counted as 'women and girls' (you're read that right) so as to inflate statistics. Here too: if men's silence has been a problem, women's silence about other dangerous trends (e.g. the impact of a certain feminism) ought to be pointed too. It's not about bashing one gender or the other; but about effectively solving issues concerning us all.
Having said all that, in the end, though, this is not a book addressed to women, but to men. As such, I am willing to overlook its flaws and focus instead on its core message: we can no longer allow the bullies among us, and it starts by challenging them. Yes, they are rare; but their impact has been toxic for far too long. Rejecting the man box isn't enough anymore, we need to break out of it and smash it to pieces. Speak out!
July 20, 2020
Let's see. This is a really great pamphlet/manifesto to toxic masculinity and the relationship between American manhood and the #MeToo movement. It's not comprehensive, it doesn't have everything, but for its size, it packs a lot. A good refresher even though I had a lot of this information embedded.
December 15, 2019
This book probably states the obvious for anyone who has done any reading about gender and feminism, but some people may be hearing these messages for the first time. Probably a good primer for the intended audience. Especially like the section on listening and how to do it (and how not to do it).
December 11, 2018
Must Read for All Men
Amazing insights for men and women alike. Great strategies for a better world for men and consequently women also
Thanks mark greene for your beautiful work
Amazing insights for men and women alike. Great strategies for a better world for men and consequently women also
Thanks mark greene for your beautiful work
Read
October 26, 2021Good take on the politico-social aspect of masculinity. A challenge and call to action for men to step up and help solve #MeToo.
January 8, 2023
An examination of how the #MeToo movement (and other waves of dissatisfaction from everyone other than men) can prompt change that is good for everyone - including men (and especially men at the margins). Good read.
Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews