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The Power of Showing Up: How Parental Presence Shapes Who Our Kids Become and How Their Brains Get Wired
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The Power of Showing Up: How Parental Presence Shapes Who Our Kids Become and How Their Brains Get Wired

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4.10  ·  Rating details ·  372 ratings  ·  54 reviews
Parenting isnt easy. Showing up is. Your greatest impact begins right where you are. Now the bestselling authors of The Whole-Brain Child and No-Drama Discipline explain what this means over the course of childhood.

There is parenting magic in this book.Michael Thompson, Ph.D., co-author of the New York Times bestselling classic Raising Cain

One of the very best scientific
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Kindle Edition, 256 pages
Published January 7th 2020 by Ballantine Books
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Carol Farrington If you have a library card it is free to borrow. Then if you decide you want a copy of your own it is $18.99 on Amazon.

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Start your review of The Power of Showing Up: How Parental Presence Shapes Who Our Kids Become and How Their Brains Get Wired
Whitney
Jan 12, 2020 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: nonfiction, parenting
Thank you to Random House for the free ARC. I am not a huge fan of parenting books, but this one is exactly what I needed to read, and wish I'd read 5 years ago when I became a part. The authors' writing style is so accessible and easy to digest, while still packing in so much great information. They focus on how to show up for our kids physically and emotionally, and how giving them the Four S's helped our kids learn healthy relational attachment with us and sets them up for success in life.

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Genevieve Trono
Dec 22, 2019 rated it it was amazing
When I saw that authors Siegel and Bryson were releasing a new parenting book, I couldn't request The Power of Showing Up fast enough! Their past writing has been such a formative part of my own parenting.

Siegel and Bryson always share their knowledge, research, and experiences in an accessible and compassionate way. While they have decades of work in this area they make brain development and psychology approachable and easy to understand have the ability to write in a way that makes you feel
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Nabeel Hassan
Feb 02, 2020 rated it really liked it
Apply the book 4 A in your parenting style to see the result today and future in your kids.
Nursebookie
We all want to become better parents for our children and yet our children did not come with a HOW TO or a book of instructions. Fear not, because this book lays it out in a very clear, no fluff, and easy to read book outlining in an easy to remember guide full of examples and scenarios.
It is no surprise the success of our children is dependent on how present we are for them and will actually serve as a predictor for their success in life as far as their personal and academic success, the
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Kat Ayres
Nov 01, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Wow. SO many parts of this book resonated with me and brought me to tears. I long suspected that I had an insecure ambivalent attachment style, due to the way I was raised and how my mother was with me. This book confirmed it and has renewed my intention to give my son a better life than what I had. Everyone should read this book, even if you dont have excessive amounts of childhood trauma.
Michelle Cynthia
Feb 12, 2020 rated it really liked it
The book emphasizes that our ultimate goal as parents is to cultivate secure attachment in our children in order to help set them up for a healthy sense of identity, quality relationships, and academic/professional successultimately, resilience and independence. As parents, we must help our children feel safe, seen, soothed, and secure and the book focuses on these ideas. The book asks parents to reflect on their own childhood experiences and examine the type of attachment the parent received, ...more
BookOfCinz

I saw this book on a list and I decided to give it a read because this is a book I generally would not read but I was curious about. I don't want to have kids but I am really interested in how one should parent responsible. Even though I don't see myself as a parent, I do have a lot of friends who are parents, expecting or aunties & uncles so this book was very insightful. Also, even though I don't want to be a parent it doesn't mean I don't want to learn how to have a great impact on the
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Bruin Mccon
Jan 05, 2020 rated it really liked it
Shelves: netgalley
When we know our kids in a direct and truthful way, they learn to know themselves that way, too.

The Power of Showing Up is the fourth in the quartet of parenting books by Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson.

First things first. I was excited to get my hands on an advance review copy of this book because I have two other books written by this duo and they are top-notch. Ive read a lot of parenting books but these are the ones that have stayed with me through my entire parenting journey thus far.

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Genevieve Trono
When I saw that authors Siegel and Bryson were releasing a new parenting book, I couldn't request The Power of Showing Up fast enough! Their past writing has been such a formative part of my own parenting.

Siegel and Bryson always share their knowledge, research, and experiences in an accessible and compassionate way. While they have decades of work in this area they make brain development and psychology approachable and easy to understand have the ability to write in a way that makes you feel
...more
Jessica
Nov 28, 2019 rated it really liked it
Thanks to the publisher for the free review copy.

I absolutely loved the whole-brain child and was excited to read this book by the same authors.

My top two takeaways from this book were 1) you dont have to be a perfect parent. Just showing up and supporting your kid is what matters most. And 2) insights into how you were raised impacting how you parent. This is obvious but they actually explain it based on how the brain works which was fascinating.

The thing I love about these authors is that
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George
Feb 12, 2020 rated it it was amazing
Wondering how you help the little person in your life get ready for the big world? This book provides an insightful method you can do this by applying four Ss, 1) Safe, 2) Seen, 3) Soothe and 4) Secure. The authors do well to highlight that you don't need to be a perfect parent and that we often make mistakes. But by applying these principles you can make your child feel like they are heard, they matter and have a secure base with which to guide their way. The book does well to offer a ...more
Eli Johnson
Jan 16, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: learning, 2020
The philosophy and science behind the four Ss - safe, seen, soothe, secure attachment - was presented in a way that was challenging without being demeaning, and hopeful without being naive. As a parent and an educator, Ive gained some valuable insights in how to approach children I care for in ways that seek to develop a secure attachment (and I honestly learned how thats not coddling) ...more
Becki
Dec 18, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I'm so glad I read this book. It was illuminating to me both as a daughter and as a mother. My children are young adults now (18 and 19), and I found myself wishing I had known this information when they were young. The concepts are still pertinent, though, and I will be looking for opportunities to continue to "show up" for my kids, even at this stage.

As a teacher, though, I found my mind continually drifting to classroom applications. After reading this, I felt like I better understood my
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Becki
Dec 18, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: arc, parenting
I'm so glad I read this book. It was illuminating to me both as a daughter and as a mother. My children are young adults now (18 and 19), and I found myself wishing I had known this information when they were young. The concepts are still pertinent, though, and I will be looking for opportunities to continue to "show up" for my kids, even at this stage.

As a teacher, though, I found my mind continually drifting to classroom applications. After reading this, I felt like I better understood my
...more
Keith Orach
Nov 04, 2019 rated it it was amazing
The power of showing up. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐. Thank you to @life_well_read for suggesting this self help book and to netgalley for the advanced read. Who is hardest on a person as a parent? The parent themselves. I know I am. We all feel we never do the right thing, never try hard enough, and just are not perfect. This book tells you that you dont need to be perfect, just be there for your child. Teach them the value of support and comfort, that even with mistakes a parentss love will never waiver and always ...more
Beth Kakuma-Depew
This book does a good job spelling out attachment patterns. And then shows how they plays out into adulthood and can shape how adults raise their children. The message is hopeful, that no matter what attachment pattern you were raised with, you can give your children a more secure childhood.

There's a bunch of cutsy drawings and some corny phrases, like "Mindsight". In my opinion those make it hard to take the books basic message seriously.

I did enjoy that this book was aimed at parents of older
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Kat Ayres
Nov 01, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Wow. SO many parts of this book resonated with me and brought me to tears. I long suspected that I had an insecure ambivalent attachment style, due to the way I was raised and how my mother was with me. This book confirmed it and has renewed my intention to give my son a better life than what I had. Everyone should read this book, even if you dont have excessive amounts of childhood trauma.
Robert
Feb 19, 2020 rated it liked it
The scientific basis of this book is attachment theory, which claims that for proper emotional development children need to develop a "secure attachment" to at least one adult figure.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachm...

The theory seems to have pretty strong scientific support.

But attachment theory has been around for a long time, so what's new with this book?

It seems the main goal is to explain how to actually APPLY attachment theory in practise.

The explanations are extremely easy to
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Jennifer
Dec 06, 2019 rated it liked it
A child's happiness, academic success, leadership skills, and meaningful relationships are determined primarily by their connection to at least one caring adult. "The Power Of Showing Up" helps adults discover how to be that one adult who is present with and for their children.
In the book, authors Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson discuss four S's that are essential for every child. Children must feel safe, seen, soothed, and secure. The chapters share stories, scripts, simple strategies,
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Lindsey Thompson
Mar 16, 2020 rated it liked it
My goodness, if youre like me and struggle with enough mom guilt on a regular basis, dont read this book. Had some good tips about helping your kids feel safe, seen, soothed, and secure, but it also used weird examples. For example, to help understand what seen means the author used an example of a father who didnt know why his baby was crying and was also getting Mc impatient about the baby crying and interrupting his book-reading (I think we have all been there on both accounts if we are ...more
Crystal Gao
Mar 16, 2020 rated it liked it
The first part of the book is used to making a case for the parental presence. If you are already convinced, you can skip this part and go straight to "how".

The authors talk about the 4 S - 1) Safe, 2) Seen, 3) Soothe and 4) Secure. For each point, there are pretty detailed discussions of why and how. The discussions are important because the authors want to be sure that readers understand they are not advocating to spoil the children, but to accept who they are. There are examples that help
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Chari Regina
Feb 01, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: work
This book, like everything Dan Siegel writes is incredibly helpful. He takes the most complicated matters and simplifies them for the average person to deeply understand. I would recommend this book for every parent, educator and practitioner.

More than ever before, our children are hungry for our presence Dan and Tina help us understand how to offer this well, from hearts that our healing from our own hurts They give practical examples that will help us all be better people in this world.

Buy
...more
Joy
Jan 06, 2020 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I found this book to be very helpful and in a way eye opening. This book does not try to tell you how to be a perfect parent or parental figure, because there is obviously no such thing. Instead the book provides insights on we are shaped by the adult presences in our lives.
The book helped me think about how I interact, work with and work around children (which I do a lot in my volunteer work). Also, it helped me break down and understand my own childhood from a different perspective, I
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Kayla
Feb 07, 2020 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: parenting
Nothing earth-shattering here as far as parenting books go, but I think at least some of the value in reading parenting books is to be reminded of things you need reminders of without having to re-read the exact same books you've already read before. I also have to remind myself that most parents don't know about attachment theory and the results and implications of the "Strange Situation" experiments, so for the vast majority of parents there is a lot of new information to be found here to help ...more
Alison Hastings
Feb 12, 2020 rated it it was amazing
This book was very helpful. It was extremely well written with a clear format that facilitated absorption of the material. I especially appreciated the looking back to look forward approach. The book didnt command a parent to do X, Y or Z. The book encourages thoughtful reflection upon the history of the reader. Understanding ourselves permits greater effectiveness in the present with the raising of our own children. This book has positively made a difference in the way I parent and my ...more
Katherine
Feb 05, 2020 rated it it was ok
Shelves: parenting
Unfortunately the weakest of the duo's books that I've read so far. It reads as more of a psychology textbook overview of current conclusions about attachment theory. I liked the description of the ideas but somehow in the execution, I think it only might be useful if A) you wanted to make clear the distinction between attachment parenting and attachment theory research or B) you have someone who didn't have any good parental figures that could use a reset on what healthy parenting looks like.
Emily
Feb 17, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Much like Dr. Siegel's other books on parenting, this one is well written, researched, and accessible. It's a good solid reminder that we have our own attachment baggage from childhood, and that it is our job to ensure that we provide a love and safe environment for our children where they do not fear us and they are not afraid to tell us if something outside the home is making them unsafe. It's a MUST READ for all parents, especially those with lingering ghosts of their own childhood.
Teague
Mar 15, 2020 rated it it was amazing
The best parenting book I have read. I took many notes and have added them to my parenting binder. My biggest takeaway is the positive lifelong effects of secure attachment: when children feel safe, seen, and are soothed then they form secure attachment. The books goes into each of these four S's. I listened to the book on two long Sunday runs at x 1.5 speed which helped me integrate the lessons.
Karen
Jan 21, 2020 rated it it was amazing
Even if you find you cannot read this book in entirety, please post the four "S's" and refer to them constantly. Safe, Seen, Soothed and Secure! Our children deserve the best start in life and then deserve to know the parents/caregivers are always on the sidelines for them. I highly recommend this book.
Hannah
Jan 23, 2020 rated it it was amazing
As a parent who tries really hard, makes mistakes and occasionally beats herself up for not being the perfect parent, this book was so reassuring. Turns out you dont have to be a perfect parent to raise great kids. You just have to show up. This books gives you the why and the how. A great resource. ...more
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Daniel J. Siegel, M.D., is an internationally acclaimed author, award-winning educator, and child psychiatrist. Dr. Siegel received his medical degree from Harvard University and completed his postgraduate medical education at UCLA with training in pediatrics and child, adolescent and adult psychiatry. He is currently a clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine, where he also ...more

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“Predictable care that supports a healthy and empowering relationship embodies what we call the “Four S’s”—helping kids feel (1) safe—they feel protected and sheltered from harm; (2) seen—they know you care about them and pay attention to them; (3) soothed—they know you’ll be there for them when they’re hurting; and (4) secure—based on the other S’s, they trust you to predictably help them feel “at home” in the world, then learn to help themselves feel safe, seen, and soothed. When we can offer kids the Four S’s, making repairs whenever the inevitable ruptures in these connections with our children may occur, we help create what’s called “secure attachment,” and it’s absolutely key to optimal healthy development.” 0 likes
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