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What's Your Pronoun?: Beyond He and She

Dennis Baron

3.66 · Rating details · 285 ratings · 82 reviews

Like trigger warnings and gender-neutral bathrooms, pronouns are sparking a national debate, prompting new policies in schools, workplaces, even prisons, about what pronouns to use. Colleges ask students to declare their pronouns along with their majors; corporate conferences print name tags with space to add pronouns; email signatures sport pronouns along with names and t ...more

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Hardcover, 304 pages

Published January 21st 2020 by Liveright

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Mar 11, 2020 Jenna rated it liked it

Shelves: non-fiction

Lately we've been hearing a lot about pronouns and are even asked on some forms which pronouns we use for ourselves. There seem to be a lot of "new" pronouns that people use for themselves. I thought this was a recent thing, as society becomes more aware of nonbinary gender and ungendered people and we know that, as the author reminds us, "using appropriate pronouns has a positive affect on mental health".

It came as a surprise to me to learn that people have been trying to get a genderless third Lately we've been hearing a lot about pronouns and are even asked on some forms which pronouns we use for ourselves. There seem to be a lot of "new" pronouns that people use for themselves. I thought this was a recent thing, as society becomes more aware of nonbinary gender and ungendered people and we know that, as the author reminds us, "using appropriate pronouns has a positive affect on mental health".

It came as a surprise to me to learn that people have been trying to get a genderless third person pronoun into the English language for centuries. In What's Your Pronoun?: Beyond He and She, Dennis Baron takes us back through the years, detailing the efforts of many to include a genderless pronoun besides "it" which typically only refers to objects and is only used for people when belittling and dehumanizing them (slaves were often called "it"; likewise antisemites would refer to Jewish people by "it" rather than him or her).

Baron shows us the struggles of suffragettes to have a new pronoun rather than having women thrown under the umbrella "he" when referring to both women and men. Misogynists fought this of course. One man declared, "In former years, since Eden was depopulated, it has been the custom to generalize in the pronoun, using the masculine form whenever possible. That was in the days when a woman made no pretensions toward equality with man." This was untrue (not to mention disgusting!) as many languages have and have had genderless pronouns and even English did not always use this practice of grouping women in with men. It was interesting to note how often men were happy to say that penal codes referred to women as well as men even if it only mentioned men/he/him. However, when it came to such things as women running for office or voting, they insisted that the words men/him/he, etc did not include women.

Today most of us are happy using "they", "their", and "them" when we don't know the gender of someone, when there is a group of people, or when someone is nonbinary gender. Those who refuse to do so mainly refuse for religious reasons, saying that their freedom is being violated if they have to call someone by a pronoun other than the one that corresponds with the body they were born with. I won't even get started on that but oh how they love to play the martyr even though it is they who are being hateful and harming others!

Moving along....

It is interesting to know that singular "they" has been used since at least 1375 - The Oxford English Dictionary traces it back to the medieval romance William and the Werewolf. People like Jane Austen, William Shakespeare, and Virginia Wolfe also made use of it.

Though there have been more than 250 pronouns coined (!), the author is clearly making the case for using they, their, them. I personally agree with him except when it comes to books talking about a group of people that includes at least one nonbinary individual. It can get really confusing. Is the author writing about the entire group or just one person when they say "they" or "them"? I think we can get around that by simply using the person's name instead of "they" or "them" and yet I find that many authors do not do that and expect us to just know or take the extra time to figure out whom they're referring to. Annoying!

I'm glad I read this book because it was informative. However, it could have been condensed into a lengthy magazine article. There was a lot of repetition. The entire last chapter was a recap of all the different arguments and court cases that were already discussed in previous chapters. As it was many of these were similar and it felt like re-reading the same thing over and over. I could have done with far fewer examples.

So.... 3 stars from me. Maybe 3.5. Not a bad book but I often grew bored with all the repetition. ...more

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Jan 23, 2020 Mara rated it really liked it

Shelves: library, audio

This is exactly the kind of niche, nerdy history that I enjoy. It was fascinating to hear how English speakers and linguists have lamented the lack of a gender neutral personal singular pronoun for hundreds of years... "a missing word." It is equally interesting to see that speakers have consistently come back to "they" to serve this function since the 1300s. I appreciated Baron's breakdown of why, from a purely functional perspective, this gap has been one felt in day to day parlance, but also ...more

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Apr 04, 2020 Nicky rated it liked it

Shelves: non-fiction, history

Reviewed for The Bibliophibian.

What's Your Pronoun? discusses something that's on a lot of people's minds, for good or bad: the humble part of speech we call the pronoun. Despite what some idiots protest, everybody uses pronouns all the time: I, you, she, he, they... They're ubiquitous in speech and have been stirring up people's emotions for years, whether it be wanting a neutral indefinite pronoun (for when you don't know the gender of the person you're referring to), or perhaps (like me) want ...more

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Jan 16, 2021 Bogi Takács added it

(I read this last year and I'm mystified why it's not in my Goodreads - I'll need to check if I wrote anything about it and if I have it saved elsewhere. I know I linked to it in one of my timeline posts...) ...more

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Feb 15, 2020 Naomi Ruth rated it it was amazing

Shelves: non-fict, own, adult-fiction, lit-crit

I found this history and politics of pronouns to be super fascinating. I didn't want to put it down. So happy to own it. ...more

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Jun 09, 2020 Sónia rated it liked it

As someone who has an English degree (*John Mulaney's voice* yes, you heard me: an English major), I would never think I would listen AND enjoy a book related to linguistics because it was something I struggled A LOT with in college. This is a pretty good book for someone who wants to learn more about the English language throughout the centuries - especially when it comes to the millions of options that exist/existed and are related to gender pronouns. ...more

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May 17, 2020 Jayne rated it liked it

Shelves: nonfiction, books-about-books, lgbtqia-gender, 2020-read-adult-ya

An excellent and enlightening book if you are interested in the details and nuances of language. I only gave it three stars because it really would have benefited from tighter editing.

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Oct 23, 2020 Ceris rated it really liked it

This book is very fun! It’s a nerdy book by a real grammar nerd about grammar history, while also being a great pro-queer romp. If you ever want the confidence to defend singular they, go ahead and read this book. He delves into made up pronouns as well, and offers a wide range of options, as well as their histories. Oh and also! Gets into the misogynistic past of grammar! What fun :)

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Sep 07, 2020 Genia rated it really liked it

Such an interesting book. This book covers a lot. From the use of "generic he" to introducing "she/her" to the use of not specific gender pronouns.
It was fascinating and I could understand more on the role of pronouns for people. ...more

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Feb 28, 2020 Patrick Pilz rated it it was amazing

I actually liked this book. As a German born immigrant to the United States, I had my troubles with the missing word, actually referring to people with unknown gender as 'it'. Boy, did I ruffled some feathers....

Interesting enough though, the struggle for the third person singular gender neutral pronoun for the English language has ensued pretty much 1,000 years ago. More than 200 attempts have been made, and famous authors like Virginia Wolfe, Charles Dickens and others took their crack at it.

I ...more

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Sep 05, 2020 Kristi rated it really liked it

Shelves: nonfiction

My expectations for this book were that it would be focused on the LGBTQ movement currently going on and the related need for a new genderless personal pronoun. This topic is mentioned, but it is much more of a linguistic look at the long history of the search for a third-person singular pronoun. Luckily for me, this is still a topic of interest as an editor. My colleagues and I have had long discussions about using “they” additionally as a third-person singular pronoun. It seems that the writer ...more

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Apr 01, 2020 Daniel Farabaugh rated it really liked it

This was a really good book. The only part that dragged a little was the section on the history of created pronouns because ti got a little repetitive. The book does an great job of showing that, in spite of the protestations of many conservatives and grammarians, not gendered pronouns have a very log history and that we use them all the time. It also highlights that, be it for women or transgender people, the issue is not really grammar it is about limiting their rights and acceptance. It reaff ...more

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Jun 30, 2020 Gabriel rated it really liked it

Shelves: arc-reviews

ARC Given by publisher for Honest Review

What's Your Pronoun was an incredibly interesting read! Dennis Baron has done his research and gone far above the average gender studies author. As someone who is trans and well read, I though I was a font of information, but this book really put into perspective how much we have to learn.

Baron goes through different topics like neo-pronouns, the history of the "singular they" and ways to incorporate new pronouns into your life. I was excited to learn beca ...more

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Jan 07, 2020 Mattie Richards rated it really liked it

Shelves: non-fiction, adulting, 2020

Thanks to Netgalley for sending me an advanced copy!
What's Your Pronoun? is an important look into the long and heavily debated history of third gendered/non gendered pronouns and why they've been important much longer than I expected. Giving a well researched account into both sides of the pronoun argument, Baron gives an excellent view of the importance of non gendered pronouns to readers and the fight they've gone through to be able to use them. ...more

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Sep 26, 2020 Reija rated it liked it

Rating: 3.5 stars

A very interesting exploration on the linguistics and history of gender neutral pronouns in the English language.

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Jan 12, 2021 Jonathan Alfaro rated it it was amazing

An incredibly interesting read that not only makes a case for the contemporary usage of gender neutral pronouns, but delves into the history of the third person similar pronoun and it’s usage in English since and prior to it’s formation.

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Feb 09, 2020 Joe rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: non-fiction, met-the-author, 2020

I listened to the audiobook via Overdrive prior to a discussion with the author at the KC Library on 2/11/20. Dennis Baron proved himself an engaging speaker and his book presented some surprises which left me both enlightened and intrigued.

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Aug 13, 2020 Brandon Moskun rated it liked it

Shelves: gay-and-queer

A bit repetitive

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Dec 31, 2019 Kristine rated it it was amazing

Shelves: amazon-reviewed

What's Your Pronoun? by Dennis Baron is a free NetGalley ebook that I read in late November.

Personally, I think that pronouns are way interesting and just as useful as learning a name. The chapters looks into topics, such as the questionable concept of using ‘he’ to incorporate everyone in a population or within a constitution (i.e. ‘all men are created equal’), historic disputing court cases, to be referred to formally and informally in the way one prefers, writers generally directing the curve ...more

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Mar 06, 2020 Lisa Knapp rated it liked it

This is beyond thorough. I feel much more accepting of singular they.

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Jan 10, 2020 The Resistance Bookclub rated it liked it

Shelves: lgbtq-voices, non-fiction, trans-nb

*I received an ARC through Netgalley in return for an honest review *
As a linguistics nerd and gender neutral pronoun fan this is a book that I hope will be included in language and gender syllabi in the future.
Dennis Baron gives an exciting insight into the history of neutral pronouns and their significance from the suffrage movement, over general grammar concerns to the growing acceptance of non-binary identities.
There are many historical examples and quotes, although sometimes they seem a bi ...more

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Jan 26, 2020 John rated it really liked it

While this is chock full of fascinating history and fun facts, I wish it were better written--that is, even though it's aimed at the general reader, the repetitive style tended to drive me bonkers. But it's still an invaluable resource and a worthwhile read that even a linguist will enjoy. ...more

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Feb 22, 2020 Katie rated it liked it

Shelves: nonfiction-read, 2020-popsugar-reading-challenge

I thought this would be way more about current events and the current sociopolitical climate than it ended up being. It was written by a linguistics professor, and the book was a study on the issue that the English language is missing a gender-neutral singular pronoun. Baron examines the history of how this has been an issue for centuries, and that where originally its impact was primarily on the rights of women, the impact today is now primarily on the rights of nonbinary individuals. He argues ...more

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Nov 21, 2019 KarnagesMistress rated it it was amazing

Shelves: 2019-wcpl-reading-challenge, giveaways

At a glance, you think the focus of this book is going to be about the coining of new words for use by the LGBTQ+ community, but that isn't really correct. Yes, one chapter does deal with new pronouns, and another about the needs of the LGBTQ+ community. However, this entertaining little book explains much more than that. The English language, you see, has a missing word: basically, the singular of the word they. Other languages both do and do not have this problem. First, in case you weren't aw ...more

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Aug 21, 2020 Karen Chung rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

The topic of singular "they" had come up in Freshman English class, and when I asked my Taiwanese students if they thought it would be a good topic for a future Chinese-language article, they overwhelmingly said yes.

Some months later, I listened to an interview of the author of this book, Dennis Baron, on the podcast "Talk the Talk" (now called "Because Language").

I have now gotten around to writing the piece, and remembering the interview, I relistened to the podcast, and also got a Kindle ed The topic of singular "they" had come up in Freshman English class, and when I asked my Taiwanese students if they thought it would be a good topic for a future Chinese-language article, they overwhelmingly said yes.

Some months later, I listened to an interview of the author of this book, Dennis Baron, on the podcast "Talk the Talk" (now called "Because Language").

I have now gotten around to writing the piece, and remembering the interview, I relistened to the podcast, and also got a Kindle edition of Baron's book. The work is highly informative while also being easy and comfortable to read, so I was able to finish it in a few days, mainly using TTS.

As a general principle, I tend to give a full five stars to books that give me exactly the kind of information I'm after when writing something for publication, even when I note some flaws or gaps in the book, and that was the case with this volume.

Baron traces the evolution of singular "they" in the women's suffrage movement, pointing out that it was the issue of equality for women that was mainly at stake – he said it "was a bit early" for gender identity issues to publicly fuel political, social and linguistic change.

Having read some related articles in the meantime, in particular one in the NYT entitled "How Queer Women Powered the Suffrage Movement", I learned that many women in the women's suffrage movement, including Susan B. Anthony herself, were in fact LGBTQ, so gender identity issues were apparently a bigger part of the push for a generic singular "they" than Baron describes in his book. I'm now reading a book referenced in the NYT article: Why They Marched: Untold Stories of the Women Who Fought for the Right to Vote, by Susan Ware.

Seeing this article featured in an NYT newsletter and clicking on the link was a very useful twist of fate, since the piece I'm writing focuses on gender identity issues and the problem of choosing appropriate third-person singular pronouns in English.

So, I really thank Mr. Baron for his painstaking and rich documentation of the history of singular "they" and other gender-neutral pronouns – and also the NYT and Susan Ware for guiding me to another side of the story, all of which will greatly enhance and enrich my own writing. ...more

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Feb 10, 2020 Steve rated it it was amazing

What’s Your Pronoun is the story of the role of pronouns own grammar and society. Using the right pronoun can be challenging and is important. At the very least using the wrong pronoun can mislead or or offend. But simply if all you see to do is to apply rules to avoid offense, you’ll likely fail more often than you’d like. Baron’s book gives you the tools to go deeper and understand the evolution or pronoun usage in the English Language, so that you can better understand why pronouns are import What’s Your Pronoun is the story of the role of pronouns own grammar and society. Using the right pronoun can be challenging and is important. At the very least using the wrong pronoun can mislead or or offend. But simply if all you see to do is to apply rules to avoid offense, you’ll likely fail more often than you’d like. Baron’s book gives you the tools to go deeper and understand the evolution or pronoun usage in the English Language, so that you can better understand why pronouns are important, and also that the debate has been long running,.

As an occasional writer, who is also a bit of a grammar geek, I’ve often lamented that there is not good neutral third person singular pronoun; I’d like to have a third person form that is well understood, not awkward to read, which doesn’t imply the gender of a person. From Baron’s book I learned that this has been an issue since at least the 1780s (according to the written record he found -- perhaps longer). The grammar geek in me also appreciated Baron explaining concepts in the context of language ( “gender” means “kind,” having nothing direct to do with gender identification) and the differences in how grammarians and linguists view issues like these.

The implications of pronouns extend beyond being imprecise or offensive to interpretation of laws. “He” was sometimes taken to be generic, but also used to say “just men” -- for example: “a law saying that he shall be punished who...”, the same logic, when applied to voting rights for women, didn’t stick. and other, larger, social issues, (for example, the difference between “gender neutral” and “non-binary” usage). Placing the discussion in the context of history and the present day, Baron explores the approaches people have tried in order to achieve some sort of “third person singular” without assuming a gender.

In the end, it seems that “they” has a long track record of being the neutral pronoun of choice for English speakers, much as “you” migrated from being plural to plural and singular. I hope that my saying that doesn't lead you to believe that you don’t need to read the book. The journey the book takes you on is educational and also entertaining. I recommend it to anyone who is curious about how language evolves and relates to society, or just if you are curious about how pronouns are, and could be used. ...more

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Feb 26, 2020 Tangled in Text rated it really liked it

This is an overload of history I was not expecting. I figured I'd be introduced to a few new pronouns and why we need to be more inclusive, but this was an entire history of all pronouns throughout time and why they are so important to everyone. I was reading Invisible Women by Caroline Criado-Perez at the same time as this book and they had a lot of similarities although different angles.

This book made me love words more but also hate them for how they can both heal and tear down so easily. Se This is an overload of history I was not expecting. I figured I'd be introduced to a few new pronouns and why we need to be more inclusive, but this was an entire history of all pronouns throughout time and why they are so important to everyone. I was reading Invisible Women by Caroline Criado-Perez at the same time as this book and they had a lot of similarities although different angles.

This book made me love words more but also hate them for how they can both heal and tear down so easily. Seeing the history of how pronouns have been abused and manipulated makes me want to slap a few people and have more well defined pronouns out in the world. I don't ever want to be grouped in as a "she" into an assumed "he" ever again. I have always been annoyed by this grouping, but I had no idea how much of a struggle generations before went through to clear it up for us and how far we still have to go. How easily years ago in the same laws that say "he will not steal" and "he has the right to vote" both had completely different meanings. How women were assumed in one law but not the other. How even when the law was passed giving women the right to vote how some states still banned them from the polls because they were still relying on a pronoun that was used too often. How others are only assumed in the he pronoun when it benefits them.

I had no idea where the original he or she pronouns originated from or how many others have been scattered throughout history that have not stuck. I wish books like this were read by all high schoolers. I've seen that age group create movements rather it be a new dance sensation or clothing style along with some pretty interesting new words that have stuck around and migrated universally and some even appearing in dictionaries. I can only imagine the power they'd have if they actually started using a new pronoun and changing our language for the better. The reason most every pronoun that has ever been created outside of he or she is not in use is because they haven't gained traction and stuck and we are the only thing holding the world back from more and better used pronouns so what are we waiting for! ...more

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Jul 14, 2020 Stephanie Lynn rated it it was amazing

Shelves: my-personal-library, giveaways

What’s Your Pronoun? is a history lesson in the evolution of, you guessed it, pronouns. What many of us don’t know, what I didn’t know until reading this book, is that coming up with gender-neutral pronoun has been a source of struggle for grammarians for centuries. That’s right. For hundreds of years, people have been sitting around trying to think up a pronoun independent of gender, and it’s often seen as a great failing of the English language that we don’t have one. Because guess what? Such What’s Your Pronoun? is a history lesson in the evolution of, you guessed it, pronouns. What many of us don’t know, what I didn’t know until reading this book, is that coming up with gender-neutral pronoun has been a source of struggle for grammarians for centuries. That’s right. For hundreds of years, people have been sitting around trying to think up a pronoun independent of gender, and it’s often seen as a great failing of the English language that we don’t have one. Because guess what? Such words exist in other languages, and this hunt to fill the gap in ours started long before the emergence of current gender identity discussions.

All words are made up at some point, and so are the rules about grammar. What it really takes for a word to actually be designated as such, more so than the stringing together of letters, is widespread social acceptance. Dozens of gender-neutral pronouns have been floated over the years (possibly more), and they’ve all failed because they just didn’t catch on. They/them is whatwe’ve landed on for now.

Here’s the real kicker though: with the advancement of technology and these social media platforms that connect us to millions of people we never would’ve had the chance to speak with before, with communication as magnified and widespread as it is now, we are making up new words and rules to use them every single day. You can, if you want to, make up your own words, and by extension your own pronouns. You just have to get enough people to use them. *Note for the record, that You can be used (and read in this very statement) in both the singular and plural sense. It works because we’ve accepted it. It’s that simple.

Don’t let the politics of pronouns keep you from being respectful of your fellow human beings. And please, for the love of all things holy, don’t try to cite ‘proper grammar’ as your excuse for not using someone’s chosen pronouns, especially when I could bleed a red pen dry combing through your posts. You don’t sound enlightened. You sound like an asshole. ...more

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Mar 31, 2020 Marco rated it really liked it

Shelves: overlooked-books, history, mystery

"What's Your Pronoun?" by Dennis Baron is a fascinating read on the topic of pronouns for identity.

At the heart of the book is the discussion of what specific pronouns actually mean. While some argue that it's "political correctness gone too far", for others it is a way to navigate the world of non-gender specific identification.

Singer Sam Smith recently announced that they would like to be referred to with the pronouns "they/them". This use of pronouns has long been used and debated for a long ...more

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Apr 05, 2020 Jennifer Alm rated it really liked it

I'm only halfway through this so far and I'm loving it! I expected some discussion of respecting trans & non-binary people as well as some discussion of singular 'they' but what I didn't expect were history lessons back HUNDREDS of years. The impact of this language gap is so illuminating, especially for me in the period of suffrage.

So far there are about 5 quotes I need to make note of and a sense that the pronoun of men can only be entirley and non-discriminatorily inclusive when men are.

I'v ...more

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