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You're Not Listening: What You're Missing and Why It Matters
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You're Not Listening: What You're Missing and Why It Matters

4.11  ·  Rating details ·  8,307 ratings  ·  1,449 reviews
At work, we're taught to lead the conversation.
On social media, we shape our personal narratives.
At parties, we talk over one another. So do our politicians.
We're not listening.
And no one is listening to us.

Despite living in a world where technology allows constant digital communication and opportunities to connect, it seems no one is really listening or even knows how. An
Hardcover, 278 pages
Published January 7th 2020 by Celadon Books
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Average rating 4.11  · 
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 ·  8,307 ratings  ·  1,449 reviews

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Dec 18, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: nonfiction
How do feel when you leave a conversation feeling like the person really absorbed what you shared with them? How do you feel when you leave a conversation feeling like the person wasn’t paying attention or didn’t care what you were saying to them?

This is one of the most impactful books I have read all year. The message of true listening in You’re Not Listening serves to emphatically renovate the way we interact with each other. Kate Murphy’s words can revolutionize your conversations and relati
Dec 19, 2019 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This is an easily readable, enjoyable and thought-provoking book. I know some may look at the name and think "What? A book about listening or not listening. How can that be interesting?" Well, it is. Working in a field that is all about listening, I found that this book reinforced, most of what I already knew and had been taught in graduate school, but it was also an eye-opener for me in that I did not always utilize the skills I had been taught in my professional life in my personal life. Peopl ...more
Brenda ~Traveling Sisters Book Reviews
I am kicking off the new year here with my first review for one of the most eye-opening, powerful and important books I read in 2019. It's an easy, fast read with a lot packed into it. This was a Traveling Sister group read and one of the most valuable discussions we have had. I can't recommend this one enough!!

The World is just too noisy for me with everyone talking and no one listening so I jumped at the chance to read and discuss this one with some members of our group. We highlighted paragra
Gretchen Rubin
This is a fascinating book, exactly suited to my particular interests. How can I learn to listen better?
Lindsay - Traveling Sisters Book Reviews
3.5 stars.

Informative. Eye-opening. Thought-provoking.

This was a well researched, enlightening read that made me sit and ponder many points. I love books that make me think! The author presents her research in an easy, well organized manner with chapters breaking down her theories. I liked how the information was presented.

I found the beginning chapters more interesting than the latter chapters which felt a bit drawn out. However, there were countless ideas and theories presented throughout the
Diane S ☔
Feb 02, 2020 rated it really liked it
3.5. One might think a book on this subject would be full of information that is just a matter of common sense. Quite possibly might consider themselves already good listeners. They would most likely be wrong. So few actually know what active listening entails and even more so in this techie age, where one wants to gather information as quickly as possible.

The author explains how important listening is, to individual people, society as a whole. The role of listening in different career choices,
Jon Nakapalau
Dec 20, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
There are so many books on communication - so one can assume that it is a very important topic for many people in all walks of life. What Kate Murphy (KM) has done is nothing less than a 'distillation' of the process: looking at how the listening portion of communication is so often overlooked as we position our perspective as a platform: our mind-set already made up as we set in motion our 'values' to cascade down on others. KM gives us numerous examples of how this is (in fact) severing the li ...more
Jan 07, 2020 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
This felt like a lot of stating the obvious interspersed with research backing up the obvious point. This book could really have been an article. There’s some food for thought of course but I prefer my non-fiction to be far more rigorous. In the age in which we live we’re all very aware that nobody is listening and this book does little to offer real, concrete ways we can change or improve that. The paragraph on supportive listening is the strongest part of the book and I really didn’t need to r ...more
Heidi The Reader
You're Not Listening is a fun and enlightening non-fiction read about, you guessed it, listening. Theoretically, we all have the capability of listening, but, as author Kate Murphy points out, we kind of suck at it.

"This is a book in praise of listening and a lament that as a culture we seem to be losing our listening mojo." pg 3

From politics to business, scientific studies to families, Murphy illustrates pitfalls on the path of active listening and highlights the fact that rhetoric and convers
Jeanette (Ms. Feisty)
This book could change your life if you study it carefully and try to implement what you've read. As an avid reader, once I finish a book I tend to move quickly on to the next book. With this book, I'm not going to do that. I'm going to go right back to the beginning and read it again before writing a full review. That in itself is a glowing recommendation, because I usually wait at least a couple of years before re-reading any book.

Publication day: January 7, 2020
Tucker  (TuckerTheReader)
Oct 19, 2019 marked it as other
Recommended to Tucker by: Celadon Books

Many thanks to Celadon Books for sending me a copy in exchange for an honest review

thank you, Celadon! I'm looking forward to this one

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Barbara (The Bibliophage)
Kate Murphy is a journalist who makes her living with her listening skills. No skills, no article. For the rest of us it’s not so straightforward. In her new book, You’re Not Listening: What You’re Missing and Why It Matters, she makes a case that listening is essential to communication. Of course, this seems obvious. One person talks and another listens. That’s communication. But Murphy explains why and how our listening skills are changing. And not for the better.

Just take a look at her chapte
Jan 09, 2020 rated it really liked it
Shelves: arc, wellness
This book is about, duh, listening—why you should do it and how you can do it better. Don’t be put off by the somewhat self-aggrandizing intro. (Author Kate Murphy mentions that she writes for The New York Times no fewer than four times in the first two pages, ugh). But this little book actually does have some interesting points to share.

After the intro, the book is divided into 16 sections, each one covering either advice on how to listen better or information on some specific aspect of listeni
Jul 16, 2020 rated it it was ok
2.5 stars. This sadly underwhelmed me. While Murphy’s observations about the best listeners are astute (and I’ll be making small shifts in my own life), I was frustrated that she seems to [1] dance around the complexities of listening and [2] make the blanket assumption that our ability to listen was better in the past, sans social media. I so wanted her to dig into such things as the hesitation to listen to perspectives that endanger your own, the role of listening across cultures, what “good” ...more
Jan 23, 2020 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
How often do you listen to someone properly? I mean REALLY listen? You're Not Listening is a book in which author Kate Murphy explains how important listening to others is in terms of creating and maintaining a good connection with them. I frequently encounter people who talk, talk, talk at you but when it comes to your turn to speak they are distracted and itching to talk over you. This is an important, necessary and interesting read and shows us how and why listening properly can help us in vi ...more
Terry ~ Huntress of Erudition
This is a book that has a message which needs to be heard by everyone.
Kate Murphy has interviewed many people and states that we are becoming more and more isolated, which leads to depression, which leads to a tragic rise in suicide rates all over the world.
She believes that we do not really communicate effectively anymore, as a result of being overly connected to devices instead of each other. People are getting more used to texting than face to face conversations and are forgetting how to list
Oct 13, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: 2019, arc, non-fiction
This was SO FASCINATING. I feel like it's one of those books every parent (really, probably every person) should read. Definitely talked Bart's ear off about this one. ...more
Like Quiet, this is a fascinating interdisciplinary survey of a misunderstood topic. People often call me a good listener. It’s true that I generally give good eye contact and am better than average at remembering names and salient facts dropped into conversation, but often I think people throw out that ‘good listener’ label just because I’m shy and will let others babble on for ages without interjecting a word myself. In a larger gathering (book club, a Bible study, a party, whatever), I often ...more
Aug 10, 2020 rated it really liked it
“We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.” ~Epictetus

Have you ever seen that quote or thought about that painfully-obvious revelation? I’d like to think that us reader folk do a wee bit better at listening than our peers, since we’re clearly interested in the stories others have to tell. So it’s a bit of a quandary that this and other pearls of wisdom about opening our ears and closing our mouths is packaged up in the form of a book. My wholehearted embrace
Briar's Reviews
You're Not Listening: What You're Missing and Why It Matters by Kate Murphy is an excellent self help book all about the constructs of becoming a better, active listener.

This book felt like a professionally written essay - the kind I would be required to read for my degree. It's thoughtful, has lots of great references and gives tips on how to be a better listener. It's a book all about psychology and people, so readers need to understand that going in. There's a lot of in depth thought and conv
A copy of this book was given by in exchange for review. All opinions stated are my own. What You're Missing and Why it matters
You're Not Listening was an enlightening look into communicating effectively, its pros and cons, and where in the world society is geared in regards to this complex and critical skill.
With many examples and oodles of research, this was a really interesting read that had me reflecting frequently on my own listening skills.

Kate Murphy is a Houston based Journalist who
Jan 01, 2020 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
“Nature hath given men one tongue but two ears, that we may hear from others twice as much as we speak.”

I wasn’t expecting to receive an ARC for this book in the mail, but it couldn’t have been more perfectly timed. My boss had just transferred to a new job, and her boss asked to talk to me, or rather just wanted to tell me that he thought my new team would be better for my career. I’d mentioned to him that I was trying for a promotion and just didn’t want to lose momentum on that process, and h
There are shelves and shelves of books about communicating, how to give a speech, how to negotiate, how to be effective in relating to others verbally. But so few take on what Murphy does in this book: listening.

When’s the last time you really felt listened to? What made you have that feeling? Chances are it wasn’t someone interjecting their own experiences or sharing an anecdote that may or may not be related to what you shared. Rather, what made you feel listened to was what the listener brou
Genevieve Trono
Dec 22, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
“When all we crave is to understand and be understood, You’re Not Listening shows us how.”⁣

In You’re Not Listening, author Kate Murphy explains what listening truly is and isn’t, and how important it is to our connection with ourselves and one another. Not only is this book super fascinating but it is always making me rethink so many things!

In our technology-filled world, there are so many new ways for us to interact, yet we are all longing for connection more than ever before. Many of us long
Jan 18, 2020 rated it did not like it
Kind of insufferable and nonintellectual. Much like if Bartlett's Familiar Quotations had been converted to prose and redacted to only the theme of listening.

I believe good books about how to be a better listener should be written. This is not one of them.

The writer likes to name-drop. Cool cool. I've read books before that have that idiosyncrasy. She was just more annoying about it.

The writer has helluva disdain for millennial generation humans. Cool cool. I go to work in that environment every
Jan 08, 2020 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: review-copies
"To listen well is to figure out what's on someone's mind and demonstrate that you care enough to want to know." - Kate Murphy

Something that amazed me about myself while reading You're Not Listening is that I've always thought I was a good listener. Available to talk when a friend or family member needed me, to listen, lend an ear. What surprised me most about myself is the bad habits I have while listening ... checking the time, fidgeting, looking around. It's no wonder there are times I don't
Dec 11, 2019 rated it liked it
A series of anecdotes, well written, thought not the most actionable advice.

As a high school teacher, I deal with students (and parents) who don't listen well... they hear just fine, but don't process what they've heard so they don't understand. Not all students of course, but enough that the pattern is an issue. I was interested in this book as a way to improve myself, to help model for my students.

Murphy does a good job of identifying problems with active listening and ways to prevent your wan
Jan 30, 2021 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Good topic, well written, lots of insightful points to consider about how we can improve our listening skills and why we should. I would probably recommend it to most people for its applicability.

I liked the book a lot but never quite loved it. Some sections meandered a bit and felt like filler and it took me a little longer to read than it should have (that's my unscientific way of saying that if I'd read it more quickly that means I liked it a lot more and would have therefore rated it higher
May 02, 2021 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
4 Stars for You’re Not Listening: What You’re Missing and Why it Matters (audiobook) by Kate Murphy read by the author. This was a interesting book. The author has done a lot of research into listening. From a lot of different perspectives. I’m not sure if it’s going to make me a better listener. But I will have a better idea why I missed hearing something.
Hannah Degn
Oct 18, 2020 rated it it was amazing
Can’t stop thinking about it and will hopefully become a much better listener because of it!
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Kate Murphy is a Houston, Texas-based journalist whose work has appeared in The New York Times, The Economist, Agence France-Presse, and Texas Monthly. Her eclectic and widely shared pieces have explored an extraordinary range of topics including health, technology, science, design, art, aviation, business, finance, fashion, dining, travel, and real estate. She is known for her fresh and accessibl ...more

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