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The Anatomy of Peace: Resolving the Heart of Conflict
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The Anatomy of Peace: Resolving the Heart of Conflict

4.28  ·  Rating details ·  6,171 Ratings  ·  1,115 Reviews
Written as an engaging story, this book shows how mistaken views can cause people to misread situations and exacerbate the issues they wish to improve. Arguing that it is only after they understand themselves and get their internal house in order that they can correctly confront external conflicts, the book shows what can be done to make that happen, and how to make inner ...more
Hardcover, 231 pages
Published July 28th 2006 by Berrett-Koehler Publishers (first published January 1st 2006)
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Jun 30, 2009 rated it really liked it
Three reasons I wanted to hate this book: 1. Not written by a person but by an institute? 2. "Personal Growth" is the genre listed on the back--ugh! and 3. It just had cheesy corny all over it.

And then, when I began reading, and everything felt horribly contrived...ok, WAS horribly contrived, I thought, how am I going to get through this. And then. THEN.

The "teaching" characters in the book tell us this story of a military/political leader from 1187 AD who had remarkable successes and abilities.
Nov 09, 2007 rated it it was amazing
The Arbinger Institute came out with a book to precede The Anatomy of Peace, called, Leadership and Self-Deception. They both present a paradigm shift in the way we percieve those around us. The Anatomy of Peace has influenced how I interact with others within the walls of my own home more than any other book save the Bible or Book of Mormon.
Jan 30, 2008 rated it really liked it
Recommended to Wendy by: Jeff Vincent
I'm responsible for my own feelings - CRAP! I hate it when that's true :-)
Jun 30, 2017 rated it really liked it
Shelves: 2017
“We separate from each other at our peril.”
― The Arbinger Institute, The Anatomy of Peace: Resolving the Heart of Conflict


“...whenever I dehumanize another, I necessarily dehumanize all that is human---including myself.”
― The Arbinger Institute, The Anatomy of Peace: Resolving the Heart of Conflict

It is seldom I will actually praise a self-help or business-oriented book. They are usually pamphlets expanded, filled with bad writing, cliches, and seem destined to continually try to rebottle old
Oct 26, 2008 rated it it was ok
Recommended to Rachel by: Leslie
Shelves: motivational
The idea that things that we do can feed into problems that we have with others is powerful, especially for people who like control. I really liked the concept that when we perceive others as being wrong, and ourselves as being right, we prevent ourselves from looking at different (and better or more effective) ways of approaching others.

This book has made a difference for good in one of my relationships, and I am grateful for that.

Beyond that, the book is corny. The setting for teaching is a W
Jun 11, 2011 rated it it was ok
Well, I think this book has an important message. It made me re-think some aspects of my life and offers some very true advice. The diagrams are helpful for the visual learner.

Unfortunately, the book is quite painful to read. It is one of those books that tries to teach concepts via a story. But in my experience, this delivery method comes across contrived and somewhat condescending. If I am going to read a self help book, I would rather have the information set forth in a clear, well-written wa
Oct 01, 2017 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Bu kitabın sizi şaşırtacak, şok edecek bir çalışma olduğunu söylemeyeceğim ama sizin kendinize dönmenizi sağlayacak bir çalışma olduğundan eminim. Barışı tesis etmek işini önce kendimizden başlatmalıymışız. "Ben haklıyım", "ben iyiyim", "böyle görülmeli" gibi anlayışlardan kurtulmalıyız öncelikle. Ötekiyle aramızda bir denklik sorunu olmadığını göstermeliyiz. Kitaptaki İsrailli ve Filistinli arasında tarihsel soruna rağmen barış tesis edilmiş. Hatta birbirlerine güvenen iki dost onlar... Barışı ...more
Steve Hemmeke
Apr 23, 2011 rated it liked it
If you are in a relationship of long-term conflict, read "The Anatomy of Peace." The main purpose of this book is to get the reader who is in conflict to reflect upon his own contributions to the conflict. Since our natural tendency is to blame the one we're fighting, we need to reconsider that our posture toward the situation and our "enemy" is a major factor. The longer we are in conflict, the more strongly we deny this, but it remains true.

We tend to objectify people instead of be at peace wi
Feb 16, 2010 rated it liked it
If I could have, I would have given this book 3 1/2 stars. It was good, but it wasn't my favorite book ever. It wasn't even a book that I would go around recommending to everyone.

I thought the message of the book was great. I liked the way they gave a good visual for the inner conflict of everyday choices. It was a great message to tell people who don't "get it."

However, halfway through the book, I was done. Firstly, I was done with the exhaustingly long train of thoughts that Lou goes through
Apr 24, 2009 rated it really liked it
I read this for my master's program and we had a little mini seminar on it. I have to admit that even though I love to read, I am never very excited to read a self-help book. I dislike introspecting and am not very good at it, so concepts that require examining my motives or my sub-conscious issues don’t resonate with me at all. I find that trying to figure myself out is tiring, confusing, and, frankly, quite boring.

Because of my prejudice against this particular genre, I approached reading The
Jul 22, 2009 rated it liked it
This book was highly recommended by a senior executive in my organization, so I felt compelled to consider it. The Arbinger Institute is a consulting group based in Utah, with a focus of helping "solve the problems created by self-deception." It's largely based on the ideas of C. Terry Warner, a philosophy professor at BYU.

This book presents a more direct application of ideas presented in the Institute's first book "Leadership and Self-Deception." In this second book, the ideas are taught in the
Jan 07, 2010 rated it it was ok
Shelves: self-help
I began reading trying to argue with the author because I didn't like the "authors" hiding behind "the institute". Come out and say who wrote it and why! I spent too long investigating that Ferrell mainly, and Warner wrote it. I don't like Ferrel's style of writing, I couldn't finish Peacegiver or Bonds... by Warner either. Too cumbersome!
I was annoyed by the long pretentious list of lds famous people who endorse the book. Why do you need so many endorsements of the book? It's so inbred! The con
May 18, 2010 rated it it was amazing
I just created a book list called Books That Changed My Life, and this book is on there. It's a powerful book because it took me out of my current perspective of people and opinions and lifted me outside of them a bit--so I can look at my opinions on the people around me and change them if I need to. And don't we all have relationships that need improving?

The powerful points of this book for me:

1. If I'm unhappy, I am the one who needs to change
2. I can choose a heart of war or a heart of peace
Sarah Jane
Sep 17, 2016 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
The writing is awful.

I used to work for a wilderness therapy program but even if I hadn't had that experience I would still be able to sum up this book and Leadership and Self Deception: don't be a jerk. Or be a jerk, if you really want, but then don't be surprised when things don't go your way.
Jan 31, 2013 rated it it was amazing
Everyone should read thus book. Periodically.
Cindy Rollins
It is embarrassing how many audiobooks I have read in the last two years and how many of them are books I grabbed on a whim because they were on sale for two or three dollars. If it wasn't for audiobooks I would be reading far less because I am home far less. This bugs me so much that I intend to make sure I am not pulled in so many different directions in the near future. In my defense, a good bit of my not being at home has been because I am in having to travel to my parents frequently, someth ...more
Angie Vallejo
May 10, 2012 rated it it was ok
Shelves: non-fiction
I rated this book lower only because it was not a fit for me. I appreciate the telling in a story form, only because it helped to digest the information better. There is a wide variety of characters in this story, coming together in a situation where they end up in a discussion/help group to get to the root of their problem.

That said, this book is much longer than I think it needed to be in order to state its intended goal: that we need to look at people as people, not objects. It is when we lo
Greg Frucci
Jul 02, 2013 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: wisdom, peace
A friend gave me a copy of "The Anatomy of Peace" recently and I just finished it...could not put it down once I started. I suppose he saw in me through my way of being, a need to read it...he was correct, for now I am the way I once thought I had transformed into...Peaceful. Life contains within it many challenges...every day. From one on one personal relationships all the way to dealing with how we look at Religion, Governments, Culture, Races and even finances, we struggle with conflict on ma ...more
Taylor Millet
Nov 14, 2016 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: buy-these-ones
Do you treat people as people or as objects? For me, this is what the message of this book boiled down to. The basic idea that is proposed is that we create rationalizations for why we think we can treat people like objects. The bulk of the book is spent helping the characters identify what is causing strain in their relationships, and then simple solutions are offered.

There were some things I loved, and some that I disliked about the way this book was written -- I loved it because it was very
Monica Evans
I didn't like the delivery of the message (super cheesy stereotypical characters) but I liked the message itself. Most of the book was filled with fake dialogue with a parent playing devils advocate with a counselor who was presenting the ideas. Despite the painfully fake characters, this book did help me see myself in a new way and led to a great book club discussion. You could probably find a better book with a similar message though... like the Bible or The Book of Mormon.
Jan Rice
Jul 24, 2011 rated it it was amazing
...Beyond self-help to world help!
May 06, 2012 rated it it was amazing
I whole-heartedly recommend The Anatomy of Peace. It is the best book I have read this year.

The Arbinger Institute has now written two books. The first was quite good. When I started this book I was afraid it was just going to be a re-hashing of that book: “Leadership and Self-Deception.” What I found fascinating is that IT IS the same material; they cover the same topics and teach the same lessons. But they do it so well, and teach it with such REAL LIFE examples, that I couldn’t stop reading t
Kaylee Byers
This book is excellent. I would recommend it to literally everyone. Whether you are finding yourself struggling in parenting or in your marriage, facing issues at work, finding politics and those with different views intolerable, or pretty much anything, this book can help you come to find peace and work towards solutions. Literally everyone can benefit from this book, even if you don't feel like you are particularly struggling. Unlike many "self-help" books, this book reads like a story and is ...more
Feb 08, 2017 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Was an excellent read. I learned a lot about my approach to relationships and how I view them. Eye opening on how to create peace within ourselves regardless of what is going on around us.
Oct 10, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Not at all what I anticipated, but I was surprised how often I found myself coming back to it and thinking about it. It is one that I need to get a hard copy and study it out some more. Such valuable insight.
Apr 15, 2017 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I loved this. I'm making a conscious effort to recognize when I look at people as objects. Getting out of my boxes.
Steven Nordstrom
I liked it. there's a lot to process with this book, so it is worth it to keep around for a while. while reading this one my wife and I decided a way to possibly improve our interactions and relationships with our teenage daughters. recommended.
Boni Peterson
Jun 26, 2017 rated it it was ok
I was first turned off by the fact that no author claims this book, it is written by an institute. That bothered me. Also, I didn't find anything groundbreaking or truly enlightening. I also didn't like the structure of the book. It was very boring to read. I would prefer a non-fiction to be written in a straight forward manner, not in some weird made up story where I have to sit through the characters as they have their own personal epiphanies. Overall, I didn't ever look forward to reading thi ...more
Jun 27, 2017 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
I think this book has good concepts & could be really great if it was done better, just kept repeating itself over & over!
Jim Goodrich
Feb 18, 2017 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
An excellent book that details a very practical approach to conflict resolution and achieving lasting peace. It's not a dry self help book cataloging a set of steps or exercises to follow, but actually a story which is both interesting and entertaining in its own right. A group of parents arrive at a retreat for troubled young adults to drop off their kids. The kids hardly make an appearance in the story though; it's all about the counselor's educating the parents about how to deal with conflict ...more
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Arbinger was founded in 1979. Since then, Arbinger has worked with thousands of individuals and organizations and helped them to transform their effectiveness and performance.

Early on, Arbinger’s growth was fueled solely by clients who spread the word about Arbinger’s impact. Arbinger’s public profile was then dramatically increased by the global success of its first book, Leadership & Self De
More about The Arbinger Institute...
“There is a question I have learned to ask myself when I am feeling bothered about others: am I holding myself to the same standard I am demanding of them?” 35 likes
“Most wars between individuals are of the 'cold' rather than the 'hot' variety---lingering resentment, for example, grudges long held, resources clutched rather than shared, help not offered. These are the acts of war that most threaten our homes and workplaces.” 21 likes
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