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You’re Not Listening: What You’re Missing and Why It Matters

4.58  ·  Rating details ·  31 ratings  ·  20 reviews
When was the last time you listened to someone, or someone really listened to you?

This life-changing book will transform your conversations forever

As a society, we’ve forgotten how to listen. Modern life is noisy and frenetic, and technology provides constant distraction. So we tune things out or listen selectively – even to those we love most. We’ve become scared of other pe
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Expected publication: January 23rd 2020 by Vintage Digital
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  • You're Not Listening by Kate Murphy
    You're Not Listening: What You're Missing and Why It Matters
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    Release date: Jan 07, 2020
    Enter for a chance to win one (1) advanced reading copy of YOU'RE NOT LISTENING: What You're Missing and Why It Matters by Kate Murphy.

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    Availability: 100 copies available, 625 people requesting

    Giveaway dates: Nov 12 - Nov 20, 2019

    Countries available: U.S. and Canada

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    Community Reviews

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    Average rating 4.58  · 
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     ·  31 ratings  ·  20 reviews


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    Tucker
    Oct 19, 2019 marked it as arcs-to-read  ·  review of another edition
    Recommended to Tucker by: Celadon Books

    Many thanks to Celadon Books for sending me a copy in exchange for an honest review

    thank you, Celadon! I'm looking forward to this one

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    Janssen
    Oct 13, 2019 rated it it was amazing
    Shelves: 2019, arc, non-fiction
    This was SO FASCINATING. I feel like it's one of those books every parent (really, probably every person) should read. Definitely talked Bart's ear off about this one.
    Lisa
    3.5 stars

    This was very easy to read and approachable. I feel like I learned a few things from this book and there were some things I already was aware of. Overall I enjoyed this book but by the last few chapters I found my attention waning and was ready to be done reading.

    I received this book free for review from Celadon Books. All thoughts and opinions are my own.
    Barbara (The Bibliophage)
    Kate Murphy is a journalist who makes her living with her listening skills. No skills, no article. For the rest of us it’s not so straightforward. In her new book, You’re Not Listening: What You’re Missing and Why It Matters, she makes a case that listening is essential to communication. Of course, this seems obvious. One person talks and another listens. That’s communication. But Murphy explains why and how our listening skills are changing. And not for the better.

    Just take a look a
    ...more
    Darcia Helle
    When was the last time you felt like someone truly listened to you? And when was the last time you gave someone your full attention?

    Much of our world exists in a constant state of distraction, with phones in hands, laptops at coffee shops, and multitasking at work and at home. We shout our opinions on social media and hit 'like' on the posts with which we agree. We hear each other, but we aren't listening. And because of this, we're lonelier than we've ever been.

    Kate Murp
    ...more
    Kate  TerHaar
    Oct 22, 2019 rated it it was amazing
    Shelves: read-2019, 5-stars
    This is a fascinating and insightful book about listening.
    It is a human need to be heard, but are we really listening? There are many of us that want to talk but not many of us who will listen.
    Is technology to blame.
    Kate Murphy explores the different aspects of different kinds of listening in this enlightening book.
    Slyth
    Nov 03, 2019 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
    Everyone needs this book. It shows amazing techniques that can be used in conversations.

    I knew I struggled holding conversations with some people. I discovered a lot of the time I mentally predicted what people will say and thus feel the conversation will become boring. So I quickly end it. Turns out I ask a lot of closed questions and need to work on correcting it.

    This book gives me tools and examples that I need to stay more curious and not being afraid to ask questions.

    I will so
    ...more
    Leah Horton
    Nov 07, 2019 rated it it was amazing
    That you to Celadon books for this gifted copy in exchange for my honest opinions.

    This book was fascinating. I don’t read a lot of non fiction, but this topic is one I was interested in prior to receiving this book. How often do you feel like you’re not really being listened to? How often do you find yourself in your head checking back into a conversation and wondering what you missed when you got distracted? You’re Not Listening touched on so many issues with listening such as how w
    ...more
    Kim
    Nov 12, 2019 rated it it was amazing
    I feel pretty lucky that @celadonbooks sent me an Advance Reading Copy of this book that is right in my wheelhouse! I thoroughly enjoyed getting a first glimpse of You’re Not Listening by Kate Murphy, and I’m honestly excited for this book to go on sale in January.

    The premise may not be earth-shattering, but Murphy narrates her thesis in a quick-paced, easily digestible format that blends science, psychology, anecdotes, and "how-to", all while making it highly relevant with recent data and rela
    ...more
    Linda Bond
    Nov 03, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
    I suppose I’ve always considered myself a pretty good listener – at least when I think about it. But Kate Murphy’s new book has me re-thinking my past and all the times when I was talking instead of listening and what I can do about it. As a journalist, it is part of her job to listen to people but not all journalists are able to make the most of this most precious and apparently dying art. We’re no longer sitting on our porch with friends, talking about the days events, our families and our hop ...more
    Smbergin
    Oct 27, 2019 rated it it was amazing
    Shelves: favorites
    I was totally engaged and inspired by Kate Murphy’s You’re Not Listening: What You’re Missing and Why it Matters. Ms. Murphy offers a perfect balance of solidly researched theories, fascinating subjects, engaging stories, and real-world insights. My favorite story was of Naomi Henderson, the 74-year-old focus-group moderator who’s fine-tuned tactics helped launch one of my favorite cleaning products.

    Ms. Murphy is a master at similes and metaphors, bringing her ideas to life and makin
    ...more
    The Literary Sommelier
    I received a copy of "You're Not Listening" by Kate Murphy from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.
    This is the most readable, entertaining, thought provoking non-fiction books I have read in ages.

    We live in a world where technology offers us the ability to “connect” with people at any time of day or night, yet we are lonelier and more isolated than ever before. We value posting, pontificating, and preaching over understanding, comprehending, and embracing. NYT journalist Kate
    ...more
    coffee
    Oct 29, 2019 marked it as bookish-first
    I was able to read an excerpt in exchange for an honest first impression via Bookish First. Consider using my referral code (02c819d0c94cc1df0) for 100 extra points at signup. Thanks!

    I was immediately interested in this book because of the simple design and the title, but more importantly, the subtitle "What You're Missing and Why It Matters". I wanted to know the answer to these questions and in this short excerpt, we get a sense of what we're missing, why it matters, and why we're missing it, espe
    ...more
    Sharon S
    Nov 09, 2019 rated it it was amazing
    Easy-to-read, powerful, engaging, memorable.

    This educational book offers a unique perspective about listening. I can understand now the techniques implemented by successful consultants and sales people. Excellent references and interviews make this book ligament. Definitely a must read for learning to deeply understand the human connection.

    The book is written from an experienced journalist perspective offering a wealth of knowledge. She explains how listening expands into
    ...more
    Sharon S
    Nov 09, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
    Easy-to-read, powerful, engaging, memorable.

    This educational book offers a unique perspective about listening. I can understand now the techniques implemented by successful consultants and sales people. Excellent references and interviews make this book ligament. Definitely a must read for learning to deeply understand the human connection.

    The book is written from an experienced journalist perspective offering a wealth of knowledge. She explains how listening expands into
    ...more
    Jessica Adolfo
    Nov 11, 2019 rated it really liked it
    I received this book as an ARC from Celadon Books in exchange for an honest review. I would absolutely say this is a GoodRead. A lot of what is contained in the book is what you’d consider common sense...I don’t mean that in a negative way. Throughout the book there were many gentle reminders of ways we can all become better listeners and discussions about how powerful being a better listener can make us. In our fast paced society we have gotten away from actively listening to one another. We co ...more
    Lovebooks1995
    Nov 07, 2019 rated it it was amazing
    This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
    Thrifty Violinist
    I learned a lot about myself and others while reading this book. I try to be a better listener now. This type of book wasn't my usual but I buckled down and made sure I finished it.
    Of course, when writing, you have to include sources. It made it a little harder for me to read because there were so many people to source.
    The information was useful and interesting. I appreciate the studies that she referenced.
    The age we are living in, this is a reality check. I recommend this book to anyone
    ...more
    Victoria Lingle
    Nov 11, 2019 rated it really liked it
    This is a completely different genre from what I normally read, and I will admit I was skeptical when I started it. I learned so much from this book; I never write in books, but there were parts I felt were so important that I took the time to highlight them. The author, Kate Murphy, made this a highly interesting and informational read. I recommend it to anyone who wants to become a better listener!
    Gill Hutchison
    Oct 30, 2019 rated it it was amazing
    Life changing!!!
    Chris
    rated it really liked it
    Sep 29, 2019
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    Oct 14, 2019
    Linda Bond
    rated it it was amazing
    Nov 12, 2019
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    rated it it was amazing
    Jul 26, 2019
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    rated it it was amazing
    Sep 10, 2019
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    Oct 20, 2019
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    Nov 10, 2019
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    Oct 21, 2019
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    Bookish First Rea...: You're Not Listening by Kate Murphy 3 2 Nov 04, 2019 08:50AM  

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    “On the other hand, children whose parents were not dependably attentive typically grow up to be adults with an insecure anxious attachment style, which means they tend to worry and obsess about relationships. They do not listen well because they are so concerned about losing people’s attention and affection. This preoccupation can lead them to be overly dramatic, boastful, or clingy. They might also pester potential friends, colleagues, clients, or romantic interests instead of allowing people their space.” 0 likes
    “To listen well is to figure out what’s on someone’s mind and demonstrate that you care enough to want to know. It’s what we all crave; to be understood as a person with thoughts, emotions, and intentions that are unique and valuable and deserving of attention.
    Listening is not about teaching, shaping, critiquing, appraising, or showing how it should be done (“Here, let me show you.” “Don’t be shy.” “That’s awesome!” “Smile for Daddy.”). Listening is about the experience of being experienced. It’s when someone takes an interest in who you are and what you are doing. The lack of being known and accepted in this way leads to feelings of inadequacy and emptiness. What makes us feel most lonely and isolated in life is less often the result of a devastating traumatic event than the accumulation of occasions when nothing happened but something profitably could have. It’s the missed opportunity to connect when you weren’t listening or someone wasn’t really listening to you.”
    0 likes
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