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Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, Her Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed

Lori Gottlieb (Goodreads Author)

4.40 · Rating details · 30,511 ratings · 3,708 reviews

From a New York Times best-selling author, psychotherapist, and national advice columnist, a hilarious, thought-provoking, and surprising new book that takes us behind the scenes of a therapist's world--where her patients are looking for answers (and so is she).

One day, Lori Gottlieb is a therapist who helps patients in her Los Angeles practice. The next, a crisis causes h ...more

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Published April 2nd 2019 by Audible Studios

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Lori Gottlieb - author, non-fiction

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Jan 15, 2019 Jessica Jeffers rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: biography-memoir, edelweiss

If you've followed me here on Goodreads for any length of time, you probably know that I am incredibly passionate about mental health advocacy. It's something that we need to talk about more, so we can break down the stigma surrounding it and more people can pursue help. So it should not be a surprise that I was excited to read a memoir about a therapist pursuing therapy to help her deal with her own issues—or that I absolutely loved the book.

These days, I'm pretty open about the fac If you've followed me here on Goodreads for any length of time, you probably know that I am incredibly passionate about mental health advocacy. It's something that we need to talk about more, so we can break down the stigma surrounding it and more people can pursue help. So it should not be a surprise that I was excited to read a memoir about a therapist pursuing therapy to help her deal with her own issues—or that I absolutely loved the book.

These days, I'm pretty open about the fact that I see a therapist and I love it. I have (only semi) jokingly said many times that I think everyone should give it a try at least twice—go to the initial intake appointment then go at least once more to get a feel for it. Even if you don't think you have a diagnosable condition such as anxiety or depression, just talking out your challenges and breaking down your less-than-great behavioral patterns with an unbiased third party can be an eye-opening experience. It's taken me a long while to get to the point where I feel comfortable talking about it with others, and I appreciate anything, like this book, that will help more people talk about the process.

Lori Gottlieb pursued a career as a therapist relatively late in life. She started out as a TV writer, but her time on ER spurred her to more seriously think about a medical career. She worked as a freelance writer while attending medical school and gradually began to feel pulled in too many different directions. It was the "helping people" part of medicine that most strongly interested her, so an advisor suggested that she switch from and MD to a PhD in psychotherapy.

And yet, she hadn't really been in therapy herself, outside of the practice sessions she was required to do as part of her training. So when her fiancee ends their relationship out of the blue and she finds that she has trouble processing her emotions about the situation, Gottlieb decides to seek out some professional help. Using some clandestine methods, she asks a friend for a recommendation and begins seeing Wendell, a therapist to whom she has no professional or personal connections (a surprising challenge!)

Gottlieb starts out thinking that she just needs a couple of sessions to get over this hump, as it were, but her conversations with Wendell make her see that she could actually use more help than she realized. It's a jarring realization, but it's also one that seems to make her a better therapist as it makes more clear the struggle some of her patients have in connecting the dots between their pasts and their presents, their problematic behaviors and the painful consequences, and being honest about things that don't put themselves in the best light.

The memoir is divided between recounting Gottlieb's sessions with Wendell, her sessions with her own patients (specific details of which I have to believe have been heavily obscured), and a little bit about her path toward becoming a therapist and single mother. The result is an incredibly open and honest look at the therapy process that lays it out better than any other depiction of therapy I've ever read—Gottlieb makes it clear that your therapist is not there to tell you what to do but to help you recognize how your own patterns might be causing you unnecessary pain, but she's also honest in showing how hard it is to recognize not-so-flattering sides of ourselves and how deeply ingrained our those patterns can be. She's deeply empathetic, even when her patients frustrate her. She seems deeply committed to learning how to be better as a therapist and a patient.

I even spent a good chunk of a session talking about this book with my own therapist, partly because I knew it was something she'd enjoy reading and I can never not recommend a book to anyone when I think they'd enjoy it, but also because reflecting on Gottlieb's experiences genuinely helped me have a breakthrough about some of the work that I've been doing for the last couple of years. This is a great memoir and I highly recommend it to all readers. ...more

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Apr 15, 2019 Elyse (retired from reviewing/semi hiatus) Walters rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: audiobook

Audiobook…narrated by
Brittany Pressley... ( Brittany was excellent). I can see reasons for owing a hard copy as well as the Audiobook.

Lori Gottlieb is a psychotherapist who writes a “Dear Therapist” advice column. She lives in Los Angeles. She attended Yale and Stanford University. She has an impressive life/ career resume.

We are taken into her therapy sessions with her clients. We also walk through the door with Lori for sessions with her therapist.

This book is the real deal.... not cheesy- ...more

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May 22, 2019 JanB rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: 2019-reads, audiobook

What is therapy like? The author breaks down the walls and gives us a peek behind closed doors into her sessions with clients as well as sessions with her own therapist, who she consults after a devastating break-up. We also get glimpses into the author's education, career, and her personal life.

I felt as if I got to know her and her patients and I became invested in their lives. Details were changed for confidentiality, but the spirit of the stories remained true and the problems we ...more

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Aug 28, 2019 Thomas rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: psychology, nonfiction, biography-or-memoir

A warm, engaging, and funny book about a therapist who sees a therapist after her boyfriend breaks up with her. I so appreciate Maybe You Should Talk to Someone for further destigmatizing therapy. I read somewhere that my generation is the “therapy generation” and yet so much stigma and misinformation surrounding therapy persists. Gottlieb describes her experience in therapy for herself and the therapy she provides to a few different patients with compassion and humor. Her writing style is conversation A warm, engaging, and funny book about a therapist who sees a therapist after her boyfriend breaks up with her. I so appreciate Maybe You Should Talk to Someone for further destigmatizing therapy. I read somewhere that my generation is the “therapy generation” and yet so much stigma and misinformation surrounding therapy persists. Gottlieb describes her experience in therapy for herself and the therapy she provides to a few different patients with compassion and humor. Her writing style is conversational and demystifies therapy, both the process and the emotion involved, and her deep care for her patients and her own therapist is wonderful to read. I always wanted to know what would happen next, and Gottlieb’s insights always resonated on an emotional level without restoring to cliché. Just a few ideas that stood out to me and/or felt relevant to my own life: 1) that we often turn to anger when we feel hurt, that we lash out at others or ourselves in periods of intense emotional distress, 2) all relationships will involve some level of being hurt, either you being hurt or you hurting someone else, it’s a matter of repairing that rupture after the conflict occurs and setting boundaries surrounding how much you’re willing to put up with, and 3) I’m not alone in having Facebook and internet-stalked my therapist (thank you Lori Gottlieb for normalizing my own behavior there lol!)

I do rate this book four stars very intentionally, because Gottlieb does not acknowledge the importance of race, privilege, power, oppression, intersectionality, or culture, at all in this book. I felt shocked that as such a competent therapist, she wouldn’t mention the importance of taking into account how societal oppression affects patients and the therapy process and dyad (I think she mentioned men being socialized to withhold emotional expression, but aside from that, nothing). It’s so important that therapists educate themselves on how to be culturally competent, and after reading this I’m honestly unsure if Gottlieb would be the type of therapist who might commit a microaggression against a client or not acknowledge her privilege or power in the therapy dyad. For people of color, queer people, and those at the intersections of marginalized identities, I’d recommend this article to help you navigate how to find a therapist who’s with it and will understand important concepts and lived experiences related to oppression and intersectionality. I also feel like this book would have benefited from Gottlieb acknowledging her own privileges, in particular her whiteness, especially in terms of the smoothness of her career development trajectory despite multiple transitions.

Overall, would recommend to those who want an engaging reading experience and are curious about or passionate about therapy. As a therapist who’s into writing I’m appreciative that Gottlieb has expanded the canon of books about therapy, especially from a more modern perspective. I think we should all talk to someone, ideally a therapist, at some point in our lives, if we have the resources to. ...more

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Jun 18, 2019 j e w e l s rated it did not like it · review of another edition

Shelves: audio

ONE STAR AUDIO

It's not you, it's me.

Anne Bogel enthusiastically raved about this book on her weekly podcast What Should I Read Next. She recommended it in the same breath as Ask Again, Yes and I am obsessed with that book. So, despite my misgivings about listening to all the therapist-speak, I used a precious Audible credit on Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, Her Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed.

Ask Again, Yes and I am obsessed with that book. So, despite my misgivings about listening to all the therapist-speak, I used a precious Audible credit on Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, Her Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed.

Lori Gottlieb has had an interesting life working in Hollywood first as a tv producer on shows like Friends. Then, quitting that glam life to enter medical school, then quitting medical school to train as a therapist. All the while, freelance writing and selling her articles to magazines. Got all that?

I could only listen to 3 or 4 hours of this tormentingly long novel before screaming and throwing in the towel. Gottlieb comes off as completely self-indulgent, self-obsessed and, weirdly--NOT FUNNY. She, seriously finds herself most amusing. Ugh.

I returned this Audible book (did you know you can do that?) and bought another Anne Bogel recommendation. Yeah, I still trust the lady with her book suggestions. But, I'm gonna listen to my own instincts first! ...more

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Mar 24, 2019 Allison rated it it was ok · review of another edition

Shelves: book-of-the-month, goodreads-giveaways

I'm really not sure what to say about this book. The positives: I like that it is open and honest about mental health, therapy, self-love, and facing our fears (even if we're unaware what those fears are!) More books with a focus on these themes need to be written! I felt close to each character as I got to know them and truly cared about the outcome of each of their stories.

The not-so-positives: I'm not really sure what the "point" of this book is. It seemed like a journal that the author late ...more

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Apr 09, 2019 Renee (itsbooktalk) rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Ever have a book that just completely blows you away? This was THAT book for me!....

I listened to the audio which was perfection. The narrator was one of the best I’ve ever listened to but I had to have a print copy for highlighting & putting on my 5⭐ bookshelf. ⠀⠀

The set up: LA therapist Lori Gottlieb finds herself in need of her own therapist, so we get alternating chapters with her and her wise therapist Wendell interspersed with chapters of Lori’s sessions with he ...more

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Apr 22, 2019 Marina Diaz rated it liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: non-fiction

I'm writing this review to see if I can make sense of my experience with this book. Even though I found myself immersed in it for days, and making as much time as possible to read it, the experience ended up not being completely satisfying for a few reasons.

My main complaint is: the stories are real but are supposedly disguised enough to protect her clients' privacy... so they aren't real. I was reading about those compelling characters and wondering what percentage of what she tells I'm writing this review to see if I can make sense of my experience with this book. Even though I found myself immersed in it for days, and making as much time as possible to read it, the experience ended up not being completely satisfying for a few reasons.

My main complaint is: the stories are real but are supposedly disguised enough to protect her clients' privacy... so they aren't real. I was reading about those compelling characters and wondering what percentage of what she tells is the truth. Fifty percent truth is not the same as ten percent truth, and what's the point of detailing a therapeutic process if you've invented and mixed up the stories for literary/privacy purposes? I'm a therapist myself and I know how unique each case is, how the effect of a sentence or an intervention depends on that person's particular context, so I don't see the value on basing it in real stories unless they're a hundred percent real. Also, the dialogues can't be real either, unless she records the sessions, which she doesn't clarify. It makes me wonder if it's all a bit polished up to fit the narrative, which feels a tiny bit scammy.

That's why think this would have worked better as a novel. Lori is a very good writer and she builds great characters (I loved John and the dialogues between the two of them). This semi-disguised format makes me feel as she's faking the honesty and the sharing, so I'd have rather read something that's completely made up and taking it for what it is: fiction.

I also feel like Lori holds back a lot of her personal struggles, maybe for lack of physical space, since the book is already veeery long. I've read her prior book about finding a partner, Marry Him, and knowing how hard her struggle to find a partner was before Boyfriend, I'd have guessed that's what made her break up with him that painful. But she says nothing about that (maybe because she doesn't want this book and Marry Him to overlap?) and talks about everything else in her life instead. She tries so hard to make a point of her meltdown not being about her love life that she forgets to talk about her love life entirely, and it comes across as insincere if you know where she comes from.

The Wendell character falls flat for me. I don't see the quirkiness in his way of doing therapy, maybe because I've known my share of quirky therapist and believe me: he doesn't cut it. Check out Milton Erickson or Giorgio Nardone's interventions: THAT'S quirky. Gottlieb tells but doesn't show that Wendell is a 'different' kind of therapist, but I can't tell the difference between his and her way of doing therapy, at least from the interactions she writes about.

My last problem with the book is about her misleading explanation of what therapy is. There are a lot of ways to do therapy and some of her assertions work just for a few of them. You can do brief therapy successfully. You can do Skype therapy successfully. I am a licensed therapist too and some of her beliefs about the nature of human suffering and the right way to alleviate it are completely wrong to me, but I wouldn't write a book about my particular therapeutic orientation without disclaiming that other professionals might think and practice just the opposite. It's a disservice to the profession that can misguide people in search of help into thinking that the only way they can get it is if they spend months and months doing weekly face to face therapy with tons of silences.

The book does have its merits. It's compelling and I didn't get bored even though it's long. The dialogues are, as I said, funny and well-constructed. It makes you reflect on yourself and what you want to do with your life. The stories are engaging, even though you can't help but wonder whether everything really ended up with such a round, Hollywood-esque ending. And I personally like Lori very much. If she didn't quite hit the spot for me with this book it's because she takes risks with her writing, and I admire that. ...more

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Jun 28, 2019 ✨ jamieson ✨ rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: memoir, non-fiction, audiobook, 2019-reads

I didn't really have many expectations going into this except that I had heard a few good things about it on Booktube. But it's a book I ended up telling everyone I know about as I was reading it.

This follows Lori, a therapist who goes to therapy herself after her boyfriend breaks up with her and she finds herself unable to cope with it. What was supposed to be one or two emergency sessions leads into Lori discovering her grief over the break-up might have more root issues than she expected. To ...more

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May 03, 2019 Olive rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: favorites-2019, memoir, favorites-all-time

Check out my review on Booktube: https://youtu.be/tIlGCRTgmg8

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Jul 13, 2019 Schizanthus rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: ugly-cry, content-warnings, kindle-food

Do you know how difficult it is to whisper an ugly cry? I do. There I was at 3:30am, relaxed and enjoying the insight and surprising humour of this book, caught up in a ‘just one more chapter’ loop. Then, out of nowhere, I was ugly crying as quietly as possible so I didn’t wake up the sensible people in my home, those who actually sleep when it’s considered an acceptable time to do so. Okay, so it wasn’t exactly ‘out of nowhere’; I knew it was coming at some stage with that particular patient bu Do you know how difficult it is to whisper an ugly cry? I do. There I was at 3:30am, relaxed and enjoying the insight and surprising humour of this book, caught up in a ‘just one more chapter’ loop. Then, out of nowhere, I was ugly crying as quietly as possible so I didn’t wake up the sensible people in my home, those who actually sleep when it’s considered an acceptable time to do so. Okay, so it wasn’t exactly ‘out of nowhere’; I knew it was coming at some stage with that particular patient but I wasn’t expecting it right then.

That wasn’t the only time I cried during this book (there may have been another four tissue grabs and some very dignified sniffling involved) and it wasn’t the only time my tears caught me off guard (who knew I’d cry about the patient I initially loved to sneer at!) but it did remind me of some of the reasons why I never formally used my psychology degree.

Reason #1: Although I don’t cry a lot about my own stuff, I am a champion crier when it comes to pretty much anything else. Movies. TV shows. Songs. Books. When you cry about your stuff. When I think about your stuff and consider how brave, resilient, [insert any number of adjectives here] you were, are or are going to be. Who wants to come to therapy and feel like they need to console their therapist about their reaction to their patient’s problems?!

Reason #2: There would be certain types of people and life experiences where I just know I couldn’t remain impartial. ‘Oh, so you’re a child molester? Allow me to introduce you to another patient of mine, the one that keeps getting imprisoned for assault. I’m sure you’ll get along just fine.’

Reason #3: The goodbyes. See Reason #1.

Full disclosure: I started reading this book while my own therapist was on leave. Besides confirming my decision to not actually be a therapist (you’re so welcome, all of the people whose lives would have crossed my path in this way. I hope you found a Wendell instead!) I also got a glimpse of what it’s like behind the scenes for therapists, something I’ve always been interested in, something that’s difficult to obtain because of that pesky ‘confidentiality’ thing.

I’m not ashamed to say that I have my very own Wendell, who is awesome by the way. None of us get out of life unscathed and I think pretty much everyone could benefit from therapy at some point in their lives. One of the perks this book offers is a therapeutic ‘try before you buy’; if you’ve been considering therapy but are hesitant to schedule that initial appointment, then reading this book will give you some idea of what to expect - from the therapist, from the experience, and how it looks when it’s done right.

Sitting-with-you-in-your-pain is one of the rare experiences that people get in the protected space of a therapy room, but it’s very hard to give or get outside of it

I enjoyed Lori’s down to earth approach, her compassion and ability to bring truth to a situation, while still making me smile along the way. She humanises our experience of pain and even when she’s talking about her own therapy, her insight and openness had me smiling in recognition much more frequently than the narrative made me cry. Of her own therapy:

Yes, I’m seeking objectivity, but only because I’m convinced that objectivity will rule in my favor.

Of her therapist:

He looks at me meaningfully, like he just said something incredibly important and profound, but I kind of want to punch him.

A quote I love:

defenses serve a useful purpose. They shield people from injury … until they no longer need them.
It’s in this ellipsis that therapists work.

And another:

People often mistake numbness for nothingness, but numbness isn’t the absence of feelings; it’s a response to being overwhelmed by too many feelings.

Oh, and I have to share this one too:

When the present falls apart, so does the future we had associated with it. And having the future taken away is the mother of all plot twists. But if we spend the present trying to fix the past or control the future, we remain stuck in place, in perpetual regret.

I highlighted so many passages in this book that each time I started another binge read it felt like I was experiencing my very own mini therapy session. I saw myself in Lori and in her patients, even the initial ‘love to sneer at’ one, probably because I saw something of myself in them as well. I saw my own therapist in Wendell and felt probably too much pride in having found myself such an amazing ‘Wendell’ to help me navigate my presenting problem as well as the real issues behind the facade.

From the presenting problem to the “doorknob disclosures”, “what-aboutery” and self-sabotage, all the way to the “termination” (seriously, can therapists collectively find a less aggressive way to label someone’s graduation from therapy?), I ‘just one more chaptered’ my way through this book.

Although at times I felt voyeuristic, have some outstanding questions about Lori’s patients I’m not entitled to know but still want to (Would you please tell me John’s real name or at least the name of the TV show you kept referencing so I can binge watch it?) and had at least one ugly cry headache as a result of reading this book, I wouldn’t hesitate to recommend it to pretty much anyone.

Much like the way Lori talks about who therapy can’t help, I think the only people who wouldn’t benefit in some way by reading this book are those “who aren’t curious about themselves.” I’ll leave you with what’s currently my favourite quote:

There’s no hierarchy of pain. Suffering shouldn’t be ranked, because pain is not a contest.

Content warnings include mention of suicidal ideation, addiction, mental health, grief, chronic illness and a whole pile of other reasons people seek therapy in the first place. ...more

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Sep 23, 2019 Jennifer Blankfein rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Stayed home for two days to read this insightful book - couldn’t put it down! Needed tissues multiple times; I cried for every character- Lori Gottlieb writes with heart, vulnerability and truth while giving us a look behind the scenes of a therapist’s life. So much to think about.

I loved and learned so much reading Maybe You Should Talk To Someone. Heading to therapy when life throws you a curveball may be just the thing you need to face your problems head on. It is a process, not a ...more

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Apr 06, 2019 Mehrsa rated it did not like it · review of another edition

I rarely give a book one-star because I don't want to be mean, but this book was a complete waste of my time and it had such great reviews from so many people. I feel like I was cheated out of however long it took me to read (well, actually listen). If you want to read about psychotherapy, go to the real sources. If you want to read a memoir, go read a good one. I just don't even know what the point of this was.

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Jul 25, 2019 Antigone rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: memoir-biography

In an account that could easily be subtitled Therapists Are People, Too, Lori Gottlieb journeys through her experience as a Los Angeles psychotherapist practicing amidst the misery of a sudden and unexpected break with the man she had planned to marry. This necessitates her own entry into treatment and provides the reader with a unique double-field of revelation - the mechanics of analysis as encountered from both sides of that metaphorical couch.

Gottlieb is a fine writer. The many years ...more

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Aug 11, 2019 Lisa rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: audiobook

[4+] I doubt that I would have read this if my book club had not chosen it as our selection. The idea of listening to a therapist talk about her patients doesn't appeal to me. But I enjoyed every minute! I like Gottlieb's writing style; she has an excellent sense of pacing and draws the reader into her patients' lives and her own life without making the book feel voyeuristic.

I was very moved by several of the stories. I feel that one of the reasons the book worked so well was the openness Gottl ...more

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Feb 24, 2019 Holly Brown rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

As a therapist and a writer myself, I have immense respect for what's involved in this type of book: how to reveal herself but not too much; how to reveal her patients but not too much; how to reveal the profession but not too much. Really, it's an incredible high-wire act and Lori Gottlieb performs it beautifully. Insightful and moving without pandering or being gratuitous...I loved it. Thank you, Lori, for not just an incredible reading experience but an incredible life experience.

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Aug 03, 2019 Holly rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: 2019

Maybe You Should Talk to Someone is a fascinating look into the world of a therapist and how therapy works. Sprinkled throughout the book are snippets of psychology, including explanations of defense mechanisms, stages of change, tasks of mourning, and brief glimpses of the contributions of Freud, Erikson, Rogers, Franklin, and others to the field of psychology. It’s almost like getting a psychology education. Profound insights about human nature abound:

...people who are demanding, critical, an/>...people Maybe You Should Talk to Someone is a fascinating look into the world of a therapist and how therapy works. Sprinkled throughout the book are snippets of psychology, including explanations of defense mechanisms, stages of change, tasks of mourning, and brief glimpses of the contributions of Freud, Erikson, Rogers, Franklin, and others to the field of psychology. It’s almost like getting a psychology education. Profound insights about human nature abound:

...people who are demanding, critical, and angry tend to suffer from intense loneliness. I know that a person who acts this way both wants to be seen and is terrified of being seen.

We marry our unfinished business.
It’s not that people want to get hurt again. It’s that they want to master a situation in which they felt helpless as children.

Sometimes “drama,” no matter how unpleasant, can be a form of self-medication, a way to calm ourselves down by avoiding the crises brewing inside.

...pain can be protective; staying in a depressed place can be a form of avoidance. Safe inside her shell of pain, she doesn’t have to face anything, nor does she have to emerge into the world, where she might get hurt again.

Lori Gottlieb takes us on a journey of self-discovery with herself and her patients. We learn about the world of therapy — how it works, what’s it like from the therapist’s point of view, how change happens, when therapy ends, what’s it like when a therapist goes to a therapist, and much more.

...therapy is about understanding the self that you are. But part of getting to know yourself is to unknow yourself—to let go of the limiting stories you’ve told yourself about who you are so that you aren’t trapped by them, so you can live your life and not the story you’ve been telling yourself about your life.

...change and loss travel together. We can’t have change without loss, which is why so often people say they want change but nonetheless stay exactly the same.

The things we protest against the most are often the very things we need to look at.

Included throughout Maybe You Should Talk to Someone are conversations between therapist and client. Over the course of the book, we get to know several of Lori’s patients and their stories. These patients are fascinating and the authenticity of their sessions rings through.

Gottlieb writes well, in a friendly style with much insight, depth and meaning included in every paragraph. I appreciated her discussing her own problems — people often forget that therapists are human and have problems just like the rest of us. Gottlieb is not shy about revealing her issues and her thoughts as well as the process of therapy she undergoes for herself.

I just need a little crisis management, a few weeks to “process” an unexpected breakup, and then I’ll be good to go. I’ve done therapy before, I say, so I come “preshrunk.” ...more

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Jul 06, 2019 Laura rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: library, library-request, audible, 2019, nf, psych-soc, memoirs

This was an absolutely fantastic book, and one that proves that the right nonfiction read can be as good or better than fiction.

This is the (true) story of one therapist's journey through her own personal crisis, which drove her to therapy for the first time outside of her own therapeutic training. Along the way, we also travel with several of her patients through their own experiences in her consultation room.

It was absolutely riveting from start to finish and kept me up too late almost every This was an absolutely fantastic book, and one that proves that the right nonfiction read can be as good or better than fiction.

This is the (true) story of one therapist's journey through her own personal crisis, which drove her to therapy for the first time outside of her own therapeutic training. Along the way, we also travel with several of her patients through their own experiences in her consultation room.

It was absolutely riveting from start to finish and kept me up too late almost every night I picked it up. On the final night, I should have listened to a different book at 3am, because this one kept me awake until it was over. I kind of thought it might, but I'm ok with it, as I enjoyed every moment of it. Why?

Because it gave me a good look at what is really involved in therapy, from both sides of the experience. I've often wondered about what it must be like to be a therapist, and this book answered all of my questions. It often gave me insights into my own mind. Lots of food for thought here.

And outside of those more obvious things, the patients she explores in this book are interesting people. I was left with the feeling that we are all more alike than different. I'm amazed at the circumstances we humans are able to rise above and live through, and even thrive from. What doesn't kill you really does make you stronger, and these cases highlighted that for me.

The first of her patients really annoyed me when we first met him (and her too, I think), but by the end, he became my favorite, because we were able to learn why he was the way he was. And she is a really good therapist. These patients all made amazing progress, and we were able to get an inside look at her thought process as she worked through their problems with them.

It was quite an eye-opening experience! I had a goal to read twelve nonfiction books this year, and I'm running behind, but I have a feeling I may go over now because I've been lucky to have read some terrific nonfiction so far this year and I've got some more coming up. So I'm excited about those even more now.

Anyway, if the GR blurb and this review intrigues you at all, this book is well worth your time. Oh, and the audio book was also well done. I don't feel it improved the book the way a really good audio performance can, but the pacing and tone were good and it was easy to follow. I switched back and forth between the Audible and the library book and really enjoyed this. Highly recommended. ...more

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Dec 28, 2018 christina rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Absolutely wonderful. In terms of a therapeutic experience, it fell smack in the middle between Eat, Pray, Love and Quiet for me. When you close the book, you can't go back to who you were before. A check mark on every page.

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May 27, 2019 Brandie rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: memoirs-nonfiction, favorites, read-2019

This is a must read. It will stay with me for a long time.

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May 20, 2019 Jessica Woodbury rated it liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: memoir, nonfiction

I have been in therapy a few times, but mostly I'm fascinated by the concept of therapy. That this book gave me the opportunity to see a little more of how therapists think, what they do, and how they see their patients was a huge incentive. And I did learn a lot of that! The combination of Gottlieb's work as a therapist and her work as a patient is not fully successful, but more than that, by the end of it instead of feeling more interested and inspired about therapy I felt a little turned off I have been in therapy a few times, but mostly I'm fascinated by the concept of therapy. That this book gave me the opportunity to see a little more of how therapists think, what they do, and how they see their patients was a huge incentive. And I did learn a lot of that! The combination of Gottlieb's work as a therapist and her work as a patient is not fully successful, but more than that, by the end of it instead of feeling more interested and inspired about therapy I felt a little turned off by it, definitely not the reaction I was expecting.

Some of this is the inevitable outcome of seeing behind the curtain. Seeing therapists as human can destroy your trust in therapy (Gottlieb deals with this herself, at some length, after she makes the mistake of googling her new therapist). It is not that they can't be real people, but therapy often requires very compartmentalized relationships between therapist and patient. Getting to know your therapist socially could destroy your relationship. So if you're actively in therapy, I'm not sure this book would be a great choice for you.

The longer the book went on, the more I started to feel bad about how much I saw about Gottlieb's patients. I understand that she's created personas for these patients and that I'm not just being given carte blanche to real people's deepest secrets, but I still felt like I was intruding and seeing things I shouldn't see. It turns out I have a lot of respect for the confidentiality that goes with therapy and it felt like it was being violated, even though it's likely Gottlieb took pains not to do that.

Gottlieb is committed to not holding back on her own flaws and failings, something that can totally derail a memoir like this one. (I've seen it plenty of times.) This is a plus, and I think it really helps the story. I think the failings are mostly built inside of her narrative arcs. Some of these are very satisfying (the terminally ill newlywed and the Hollywood writer patients are both captivating and full), some of them don't quite feel fully fleshed out (the young alcoholic and the despairing older woman), and Gottlieb's own arc is less of an arc and more of a constant zig-zagging. The arcs that work well show us the steps along the way, where the person started, where they ended, and all kinds of small movements forwards and backwards towards progress.

Gottlieb doesn't do this with her own story, unfortunately. She spends an awfully long time on her life before getting into psychotherapy (it's her 3rd or even 4th career) laying groundwork that's not really necessary or relevant to the story she is there to tell. Gottlieb has just been dumped, suddenly and unceremoniously, by the man she was planning to marry and she is almost unable to function. It is, of course, not entirely about the boyfriend, though it will be a long time (and a lot of therapy) before Gottlieb is willing to admit this to herself. Eventually Gottlieb lets herself get to the meat of this story, and sometimes the way she hides information from us only to spring on us when she realizes through her therapy that it's relevant can work quite well. But sometimes Gottlieb gets a little lost in her own story, sometimes she works too hard to tie it into her work as a therapist, sometimes she wants things tied up in nice little bows when it's not the destination but the journey that is most satisfying. Gottlieb's own progress seems to come kind of out of nowhere. We see her grapple with one thing in particular (her stalled writing career) but otherwise the work she's doing on herself to listen to her therapist and incorporate what she's learned into her life gets little to no attention and the book suffers for it. Gottlieb is a little too interested in her new therapist, clearly, but the book is a little too interested in him, too. I would have trimmed a good 100 pages off of this and asked for 20 or so more on the real heart of Gottlieb's story.

I still enjoyed what I learned about therapy and I'm impressed by Gottlieb's vulnerability. This could be a good pick for a book club where people are willing to be open about their own experiences, but I worry that it could devolve into people nitpicking the actions of the patients and Gottlieb herself, so proceed with caution. ...more

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Apr 01, 2019 Genevieve Trono rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

I was blown away by this book. Lori Gottlieb is a therapist who shares her insights not only about her professional experience but her own journey through therapy. This book helps normalize therapy for everyone, and her ability to share the profound growth both she and her patients experienced was so honest and refreshing.

While Gottlieb includes many important psychological concepts, her writing is clear and conversational and easy for anyone to engage with. I found that there was a perfect bal ...more

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Jun 04, 2019 Amy rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

I decided to use my Book-of-the-Month credit on, "Maybe You Should Talk to Someone," and I'm so glad that I did. Although I am not a big nonfiction reader (and maybe you aren't too?), I found this book to read as easy as fiction while being incredibly compelling and thought-provoking. It is the type of book that you read and then immediately hand off to someone who might need the sage advice and wisdom of a good therapist too.

What make" ...more

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Jan 01, 2019 Kat Leache rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Reading it was like the therapy I can't afford. She's so smart, so humanistic, so insightful. Bursting with compelling stories and brilliant observations about the relationship between trauma and dysfunction. Loved it so much.

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Aug 29, 2019 Giss Golabetoon rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

The nature of life is change and the nature of people is to resist change.

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Jul 11, 2019 Kelly added it · review of another edition

Shelves: audio-book, read-in-2019, non-fiction

Brittany Pressley is one of my favorite audiobook narrators, and this book sort of sealed that for me. Gottleib's exploration of therapy -- both from the side of the therapist and that of the patient -- is smart, insightful, and deeply humane. At times a little longer than necessary, but otherwise, wholly immersive. I loved hearing about Gottlieb's patients (who are composites of course) and I especially appreciated her emphasis on how there's no hierarchy of pain. I think too often we don't tak ...more

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Aug 26, 2019 Gretchen Rubin added it · review of another edition

Fascinating! This book has generated a huge amount of buzz and rightly so. I was surprised to see myself mentioned—that was an odd experience.

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Jun 20, 2019 Kari Ann Sweeney rated it really liked it

Shelves: 2019

Maybe You Should Talk to Someone made me realize that perhaps Maybe I Should Talk To Someone. I read it on audio and it was an excellent, eye-opening experience. I loved the way the author tackled the topic of therapy from the perspective of both a therapist and a client. This book made me laugh out loud. It made me clutch my heart and cry 'big fat gulping tears' of empathy. It made me intentionally reflect on myself and those I love. So good.

PS- I pride myself on being able to scour the intern ...more

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Sep 30, 2019 Leigh Kramer rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: mental-health, mental-health-professional, nonfiction

"Our younger selves think in terms of a beginning, middle, and some kind of resolution. But somewhere along the way—perhaps in that middle—we realize that everyone lives with things that may not get worked out. That the middle has to be the resolution, and how we make meaning of it becomes our task.” p. 371

I was hesitant to read this because of the potential ethical ramifications of a therapist discussing her patients. But I was too intrigued by the premise of a therapist also discus "Our younger selves think in terms of a beginning, middle, and some kind of resolution. But somewhere along the way—perhaps in that middle—we realize that everyone lives with things that may not get worked out. That the middle has to be the resolution, and how we make meaning of it becomes our task.” p. 371

I was hesitant to read this because of the potential ethical ramifications of a therapist discussing her patients. But I was too intrigued by the premise of a therapist also discussing her own therapist not to try it. I’m so glad I did.

Her vulnerability about her own care blew my mind and I wonder how or if this will affect her practice. As beneficial as it was for me to read about her own issues and how she processed them in therapy, I am not interested in knowing the same about my counselor, nor do I want to know what she thinks about me from a clinical perspective. At the same time, it’s important for us to remember that therapists are real people with their own issues. It gave me lots to reflect on regarding my past social work career and my sessions with my own counselor.

Full disclosure: I’m of the mindset that everyone benefits from therapy and we can grow the most when we’re not actively in crisis. I suspect people who are considering therapy will find her approach to be beneficial and hopefully it will help them move forward in seeking help.

This is written in such an engaging manner. I had a hard time putting it down, even though there were aspects I needed to process before moving on. Some stories moved me to tears. While I didn’t agree with everything she said, I have no doubt I will be recommending it often. This will prove to be a valuable resource whether you’re a therapist, you’ve been in therapy for years, or you’re not quite ready to start.

While no book about therapy can cover it all, two things would have made this even stronger. First, Gottlieb is a white woman and it seemed like she sees mostly white patients or at least those were the stories she shared. (I cannot remember for sure whether any POC were featured as patients.) There can be many reasons for this—POC might feel more comfortable with a therapist who is also a person of color, for instance. However, it would have been helpful to address how race impacts therapy. Second, there is a very real financial cost for therapy. While Gottlieb derides mental health apps (and I do agree people should do this with eyes wide open), it may be the only financially feasible option for people. In my last bout of major depression, I could barely afford my bills, much less therapy, no matter how beneficial it would have been. And while some insurance companies might cover therapy, there are very real trade offs, like a limited amount of sessions and requiring a diagnosis, which will then be attached to your health record. The cost of therapy can be a major barrier and it would have been nice for her to acknowledge this.

If you are a sensitive reader, know that this book delves into many patients’ stories, including trauma, assault, and loss, which could be potentially triggering. Please exercise caution as needed. ...more

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May 04, 2019 Sarah Lumos rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: adult, gave-me-the-feels, powerful, read-2019, audio-books, social-work, favorites, mental-health, non-fiction, hand-me-the-tissues

What does my therapist think of me? What is their life like outside of work? Does my therapist go to a therapist?

It is hard for me to put into words how much I liked this book. Although I am still an undergraduate student, my long-term goal is to attend graduate school and become a Registered Social Worker. Similar to Gottlieb, I want to provide individual therapy to clients. To me, there is something beautiful about being able to sit with others during their most vulnerable moments. I thought ...more

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About Lori Gottlieb

Lori Gottlieb

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LORI GOTTLIEB is a psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author of MAYBE YOU SHOULD TALK TO SOMEONE, which is being adapted for TV with Eva Longoria. In addition to her clinical practice, she writes The Atlantic's weekly "Dear Therapist" advice column and contributes regularly to the New York Times. She is sought-after in media such as The Today Show, Good Morning America, CBS This Mornin ...more