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Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, Her Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed

Lori Gottlieb (Goodreads Author)

4.37 · Rating details · 142,445 ratings · 13,088 reviews

From a New York Times best-selling author, psychotherapist, and national advice columnist, a hilarious, thought-provoking, and surprising new book that takes us behind the scenes of a therapist's world -- where her patients are looking for answers (and so is she).

One day, Lori Gottlieb is a therapist who helps patients in her Los Angeles practice. The next, a crisis cause ...more

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Audible Audio, 15 pages

Published April 2nd 2019 by Audible Studios

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Lori Gottlieb - author, non-fiction

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Jan 15, 2019 Jessica Jeffers rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: biography-memoir, edelweiss

If you've followed me here on Goodreads for any length of time, you probably know that I am incredibly passionate about mental health advocacy. It's something that we need to talk about more, so we can break down the stigma surrounding it and more people can pursue help. So it should not be a surprise that I was excited to read a memoir about a therapist pursuing therapy to help her deal with her own issues—or that I absolutely loved the book.

These days, I'm pretty open about the fact that I see If you've followed me here on Goodreads for any length of time, you probably know that I am incredibly passionate about mental health advocacy. It's something that we need to talk about more, so we can break down the stigma surrounding it and more people can pursue help. So it should not be a surprise that I was excited to read a memoir about a therapist pursuing therapy to help her deal with her own issues—or that I absolutely loved the book.

These days, I'm pretty open about the fact that I see a therapist and I love it. I have (only semi) jokingly said many times that I think everyone should give it a try at least twice—go to the initial intake appointment then go at least once more to get a feel for it. Even if you don't think you have a diagnosable condition such as anxiety or depression, just talking out your challenges and breaking down your less-than-great behavioral patterns with an unbiased third party can be an eye-opening experience. It's taken me a long while to get to the point where I feel comfortable talking about it with others, and I appreciate anything, like this book, that will help more people talk about the process.

Lori Gottlieb pursued a career as a therapist relatively late in life. She started out as a TV writer, but her time on ER spurred her to more seriously think about a medical career. She worked as a freelance writer while attending medical school and gradually began to feel pulled in too many different directions. It was the "helping people" part of medicine that most strongly interested her, so an advisor suggested that she switch from and MD to a PhD in psychotherapy.

And yet, she hadn't really been in therapy herself, outside of the practice sessions she was required to do as part of her training. So when her fiancee ends their relationship out of the blue and she finds that she has trouble processing her emotions about the situation, Gottlieb decides to seek out some professional help. Using some clandestine methods, she asks a friend for a recommendation and begins seeing Wendell, a therapist to whom she has no professional or personal connections (a surprising challenge!)

Gottlieb starts out thinking that she just needs a couple of sessions to get over this hump, as it were, but her conversations with Wendell make her see that she could actually use more help than she realized. It's a jarring realization, but it's also one that seems to make her a better therapist as it makes more clear the struggle some of her patients have in connecting the dots between their pasts and their presents, their problematic behaviors and the painful consequences, and being honest about things that don't put themselves in the best light.

The memoir is divided between recounting Gottlieb's sessions with Wendell, her sessions with her own patients (specific details of which I have to believe have been heavily obscured), and a little bit about her path toward becoming a therapist and single mother. The result is an incredibly open and honest look at the therapy process that lays it out better than any other depiction of therapy I've ever read—Gottlieb makes it clear that your therapist is not there to tell you what to do but to help you recognize how your own patterns might be causing you unnecessary pain, but she's also honest in showing how hard it is to recognize not-so-flattering sides of ourselves and how deeply ingrained our those patterns can be. She's deeply empathetic, even when her patients frustrate her. She seems deeply committed to learning how to be better as a therapist and a patient.

I even spent a good chunk of a session talking about this book with my own therapist, partly because I knew it was something she'd enjoy reading and I can never not recommend a book to anyone when I think they'd enjoy it, but also because reflecting on Gottlieb's experiences genuinely helped me have a breakthrough about some of the work that I've been doing for the last couple of years. This is a great memoir and I highly recommend it to all readers. ...more

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Jan 31, 2020 Cindy rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

I read the first 2/3 of the physical book and teetered between 4 or 5 stars before I switched to the audiobook in the last 1/3 and ended up crying in a few of the chapters, solidifying the 5-star rating. The author comes across as genuine and insightful in her writing, and the narrator does such a good job at sounding compassionate and patient, as if I were listening to the therapist herself. She wrote a lot of insights that resonated with me, like how we often stay in our negative mindset becau ...more

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Jan 23, 2020 Justin Tate rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Face it, we could all use therapy. This memoir pulls back the curtain on the benefits of therapy, the stigmas, our hesitancy to open up about mental health, and also becomes a celebration of life.

The setup is that Lori, a therapist herself, experiences a life-shattering breakup and decides to start therapy mostly for selfish reasons--getting someone to agree that her ex-boyfriend is a jerk. Juxtaposed with that are the stories of Lori’s clients and their growth. While Lori experiences growth, sh Face it, we could all use therapy. This memoir pulls back the curtain on the benefits of therapy, the stigmas, our hesitancy to open up about mental health, and also becomes a celebration of life.

The setup is that Lori, a therapist herself, experiences a life-shattering breakup and decides to start therapy mostly for selfish reasons--getting someone to agree that her ex-boyfriend is a jerk. Juxtaposed with that are the stories of Lori’s clients and their growth. While Lori experiences growth, she has an increased understanding of the other side of the sofa, and her own complex emotions.

It’s all a little sappy and a lot awesome. The stories of her clients are funny, heart-breaking, and touch on relatable topics. Some intimately and others in theory. She changes names, of course, but otherwise doesn’t hold back. I suspect consent forms had to be signed because we get to eavesdrop on many unfiltered, deeply personal conversations.

(Side note: if anybody knows the true identity of John, the Hollywood TV writer, please leave a comment. I’m dying to know!)

Honesty and extreme vulnerability is what makes this stand out. For those of us who have never experienced therapy, it’s a great way to understand how it works and how it helps. The book itself is therapy, however. Seeing Lori cry her eyes out on the therapist coach, once even anxious when her therapist is late for a session, is beyond beautiful. We all have baggage, and even mental health experts need support.

Lori only covers the stories of a few individuals, and herself, but their dilemmas are universal enough that reading this book is probably the equivalent of several therapy sessions. Or maybe it’s the gateway you need to actually sign up with an open mind. I’m giving it four stars for now because I do think it’s overlong in places, but I suspect the more I think about it, the more this will round up to a perfect five. Any book that can change my perspective on life, as this one does, deserves top praise. ...more

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Apr 15, 2019 Elyse Walters rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: audiobook

Audiobook…narrated by
Brittany Pressley... ( Brittany was excellent). I can see reasons for owing a hard copy as well as the Audiobook.

Lori Gottlieb is a psychotherapist who writes a “Dear Therapist” advice column. She lives in Los Angeles. She attended Yale and Stanford University. She has an impressive life/ career resume.

We are taken into her therapy sessions with her clients. We also walk through the door with Lori for sessions with her therapist.

This book is the real deal.... not cheesy- ...more

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Aug 28, 2019 Thomas rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: biography-or-memoir, nonfiction, psychology

A warm, engaging, and funny book about a therapist who sees a therapist after her boyfriend breaks up with her. I so appreciate Maybe You Should Talk to Someone for further destigmatizing therapy. I read somewhere that my generation is the “therapy generation” and yet so much stigma and misinformation surrounding therapy persists. Gottlieb describes her experience in therapy for herself and the therapy she provides to a few different patients with compassion and humor. Her writing style is conve A warm, engaging, and funny book about a therapist who sees a therapist after her boyfriend breaks up with her. I so appreciate Maybe You Should Talk to Someone for further destigmatizing therapy. I read somewhere that my generation is the “therapy generation” and yet so much stigma and misinformation surrounding therapy persists. Gottlieb describes her experience in therapy for herself and the therapy she provides to a few different patients with compassion and humor. Her writing style is conversational and demystifies therapy, both the process and the emotion involved, and her deep care for her patients and her own therapist is wonderful to read. I always wanted to know what would happen next, and Gottlieb’s insights always resonated on an emotional level without restoring to cliché. Just a few ideas that stood out to me and/or felt relevant to my own life: 1) that we often turn to anger when we feel hurt, that we lash out at others or ourselves in periods of intense emotional distress, 2) all relationships will involve some level of being hurt, either you being hurt or you hurting someone else, it’s a matter of repairing that rupture after the conflict occurs and setting boundaries surrounding how much you’re willing to put up with, and 3) I’m not alone in having Facebook and internet-stalked my therapist (thank you Lori Gottlieb for normalizing my own behavior there lol!)

I do rate this book four stars very intentionally, because Gottlieb does not acknowledge the importance of race, privilege, power, oppression, intersectionality, or culture, at all in this book. I felt shocked that as such a competent therapist, she wouldn’t mention the importance of taking into account how societal oppression affects patients and the therapy process and dyad (I think she mentioned men being socialized to withhold emotional expression, but aside from that, nothing). It’s so important that therapists educate themselves on how to be culturally competent, and after reading this I’m honestly unsure if Gottlieb would be the type of therapist who might commit a microaggression against a client or not acknowledge her privilege or power in the therapy dyad. For people of color, queer people, and those at the intersections of marginalized identities, I’d recommend this article (https://theestablishment.co/how-to-fi...) to help you navigate how to find a therapist who’s with it and will understand important concepts and lived experiences related to oppression and intersectionality. I also feel like this book would have benefited from Gottlieb acknowledging her own privileges, in particular her whiteness, especially in terms of the smoothness of her career development trajectory despite multiple transitions.

Overall, would recommend to those who want an engaging reading experience and are curious about or passionate about therapy. As a therapist who’s into writing I’m appreciative that Gottlieb has expanded the canon of books about therapy, especially from a more modern perspective. I think we should all talk to someone, ideally a therapist, at some point in our lives, if we have the resources to. ...more

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Jun 18, 2019 j e w e l s rated it did not like it · review of another edition

Shelves: audio

ONE STAR AUDIO

It's not you, it's me.

Anne Bogel enthusiastically raved about this book on her weekly podcast What Should I Read Next. She recommended it in the same breath as Ask Again, Yes and I am obsessed with that book. So, despite my misgivings about listening to all the therapist-speak, I used a precious Audible credit on Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, Her Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed.

Lori Gottlieb has had an interesting life working in Hollywood first as a tv producer ...more

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Jan 30, 2020 Anne Bogel rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

I enjoyed Gottlieb's previous book Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough when it came out many moons ago, and was delighted to see her new release. (It was also fun to see where life had taken her in the intervening years.) Now a psychotherapist, in these pages Gottlieb gets to the heart of what matters in life: how do we grow, how do we change, how do we connect with each other—and how can we do it all more effectively?

She explores human nature through the lens of psychotherapy, ...more

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Mar 24, 2019 Allison rated it it was ok · review of another edition

Shelves: goodreads-giveaways, book-of-the-month

I'm really not sure what to say about this book. The positives: I like that it is open and honest about mental health, therapy, self-love, and facing our fears (even if we're unaware what those fears are!) More books with a focus on these themes need to be written! I felt close to each character as I got to know them and truly cared about the outcome of each of their stories.

The not-so-positives: I'm not really sure what the "point" of this book is. It seemed like a journal that the author late ...more

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Apr 22, 2019 Marina rated it liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: non-fiction

I'm writing this review to see if I can make sense of my experience with this book. Even though I found myself immersed in it for days, and making as much time as possible to read it, the experience ended up not being completely satisfying for a few reasons.

My main complaint is: the stories are real but are supposedly disguised enough to protect her clients' privacy... so they aren't real. I was reading about those compelling characters and wondering what percentage of what she tells is the trut I'm writing this review to see if I can make sense of my experience with this book. Even though I found myself immersed in it for days, and making as much time as possible to read it, the experience ended up not being completely satisfying for a few reasons.

My main complaint is: the stories are real but are supposedly disguised enough to protect her clients' privacy... so they aren't real. I was reading about those compelling characters and wondering what percentage of what she tells is the truth. Fifty percent truth is not the same as ten percent truth, and what's the point of detailing a therapeutic process if you've invented and mixed up the stories for literary/privacy purposes? I'm a therapist myself and I know how unique each case is, how the effect of a sentence or an intervention depends on that person's particular context, so I don't see the value on basing it in real stories unless they're a hundred percent real. Also, the dialogues can't be real either, unless she records the sessions, which she doesn't clarify. It makes me wonder if it's all a bit polished up to fit the narrative, which feels a tiny bit scammy.

That's why think this would have worked better as a novel. Lori is a very good writer and she builds great characters (I loved John and the dialogues between the two of them). This semi-disguised format makes me feel as she's faking the honesty and the sharing, so I'd have rather read something that's completely made up and taking it for what it is: fiction.

I also feel like Lori holds back a lot of her personal struggles, maybe for lack of physical space, since the book is already veeery long. I've read her prior book about finding a partner, Marry Him, and knowing how hard her struggle to find a partner was before Boyfriend, I'd have guessed that's what made her break up with him that painful. But she says nothing about that (maybe because she doesn't want this book and Marry Him to overlap?) and talks about everything else in her life instead. She tries so hard to make a point of her meltdown not being about her love life that she forgets to talk about her love life entirely, and it comes across as insincere if you know where she comes from.

The Wendell character falls flat for me. I don't see the quirkiness in his way of doing therapy, maybe because I've known my share of quirky therapist and believe me: he doesn't cut it. Check out Milton Erickson or Giorgio Nardone's interventions: THAT'S quirky. Gottlieb tells but doesn't show that Wendell is a 'different' kind of therapist, but I can't tell the difference between his and her way of doing therapy, at least from the interactions she writes about.

My last problem with the book is about her misleading explanation of what therapy is. There are a lot of ways to do therapy and some of her assertions work just for a few of them. You can do brief therapy successfully. You can do Skype therapy successfully. I am a licensed therapist too and some of her beliefs about the nature of human suffering and the right way to alleviate it are completely wrong to me, but I wouldn't write a book about my particular therapeutic orientation without disclaiming that other professionals might think and practice just the opposite. It's a disservice to the profession that can misguide people in search of help into thinking that the only way they can get it is if they spend months and months doing weekly face to face therapy with tons of silences.

The book does have its merits. It's compelling and I didn't get bored even though it's long. The dialogues are, as I said, funny and well-constructed. It makes you reflect on yourself and what you want to do with your life. The stories are engaging, even though you can't help but wonder whether everything really ended up with such a round, Hollywood-esque ending. And I personally like Lori very much. If she didn't quite hit the spot for me with this book it's because she takes risks with her writing, and I admire that. ...more

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May 22, 2019 JanB rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: 2019-reads, audiobook

What is therapy like? The author breaks down the walls and gives us a peek behind closed doors into her sessions with clients as well as sessions with her own therapist, who she consults after a devastating break-up. We also get glimpses into the author's education, career, and her personal life.

I felt as if I got to know her and her patients and I became invested in their lives. Details were changed for confidentiality, but the spirit of the stories remained true and the problems were real. I c ...more

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Apr 06, 2019 Mehrsa rated it did not like it · review of another edition

I rarely give a book one-star because I don't want to be mean, but this book was a complete waste of my time and it had such great reviews from so many people. I feel like I was cheated out of however long it took me to read (well, actually listen). If you want to read about psychotherapy, go to the real sources. If you want to read a memoir, go read a good one. I just don't even know what the point of this was. ...more

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Feb 22, 2020 Melissa ♥ Dog/Wolf Lover ♥ Martin rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Recommended to Melissa ♥ Dog/Wolf Lover ♥ by: Eilonwy

Shelves: library-book, self-help, own, memoirs-bio, hardback, favorites

I saw one of my friends reviews on this book and I thought, "What the hell". I mean I love self help memoir type books. AND I loved this one!! Read from library.....

Sooooooooooooo, as you know me, Ima get me a hardback of it. Yes, it’s cheaper in kindle, but I want to hold this one and highlight and makes notes!!! Anyhoo, that’s that!!

Mel 🖤🐶🐺🐾😘

PS-They had me on a six month wait at the library but they have been asking me if I want to skip the line if I keep the book for shorter days and I’m gl ...more

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Aug 25, 2020 Christine rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Recommended to Christine by: Amazon sidebar

Shelves: award-winner-nominee, nonfiction

I don’t read a lot of nonfiction and am trying to branch out into that a little more. I tend to get bogged down in facts while reading nonfiction, but Maybe You Should Talk to Someone moves along at the pace of a good novel; I found it to be a fantastic little gem.

Author Lori Gottlieb has worn a lot of hats—TV producer (Friends, ER), psychotherapist, and writer. This book was inspired by Lori’s own issues leading her to seek therapy herself. Along the way she focuses on four very different pati ...more

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Aug 20, 2020 Victoria rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Feels a bit voyeuristic to say that I found this book thoroughly absorbing, but the author manages to make the therapeutic experience, her own and that of her patients, so engaging that at times it felt fictional. No surprise, the author is also a journalist.

Part memoir, part self-help wisdom and part psychotherapy primer, Gottlieb strikes a conversational tone and doesn’t seem to take herself too seriously. What she does take very seriously, and with great compassion, is each patient’s path to ...more

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Jun 28, 2019 ✨ jamieson ✨ rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: memoir, audiobook, 2019-reads, non-fiction

I didn't really have many expectations going into this except that I had heard a few good things about it on Booktube. But it's a book I ended up telling everyone I know about as I was reading it.

This follows Lori, a therapist who goes to therapy herself after her boyfriend breaks up with her and she finds herself unable to cope with it. What was supposed to be one or two emergency sessions leads into Lori discovering her grief over the break-up might have more root issues than she expected. To ...more

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Apr 09, 2019 Renee (itsbooktalk) rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: all-time-favorites

Ever have a book that just completely blows you away? This was THAT book for me!....

I listened to the audio which was perfection. The narrator was one of the best I’ve ever listened to but I had to have a print copy for highlighting & putting on my 5⭐️ bookshelf. ⠀⠀

The set up: LA therapist Lori Gottlieb finds herself in need of her own therapist, so we get alternating chapters with her and her wise therapist Wendell interspersed with chapters of Lori’s sessions with her clients. I was SO investe ...more

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Jan 22, 2020 Amora rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: self-improvement

Very engaging book! At first I wondered why a book with such a simple premise could have over two hundred people waiting to pick up the book at the library and then understood when I picked it up. I empathized with many of Lori’s clients and understood where their frustration was coming from. The commentary was quite interesting too. Being a therapist is no easy work, and this book puts into perspective how emotionally difficult it is.

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May 01, 2020 Valeria Lipovetsky rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

I’ve marked so many phrases, ideas and paragraphs throughout the book that inspired me and ignited deeper curiosity towards certain habits, childhood memories and experiences I’ve had.

This book was a beautiful combination of extremely human stories and what felt like my own therapy session. So happy I reached for this one.

Highly recommend.

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Aug 26, 2019 Gretchen Rubin added it · review of another edition

Fascinating! This book has generated a huge amount of buzz and rightly so. I was surprised to see myself mentioned—that was an odd experience.

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Dec 15, 2019 ☘Misericordia☘ ⚡ϟ⚡⛈⚡☁ ❇️❤❣ rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: menu-reading-is-served

Q: (I was wary of any male college student whose procrastination extended to masturbation.) (c)

~~Can't help wondering: has anyone tried to measure the impact of this book on her client inflow? I wouldn't be so sure of it being positive.~~ While it's really good and fun and a lot of good things, it would not attract me to book an appointment. As a hypothetical client, after reading this I'm not sure I'd have been comfortable with such attitude.

Some very deep thoughts:
Q:
It’s impossible to get to know ...more

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Jul 13, 2019 Schizanthus Nerd rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: ugly-cry, kindle-food, content-warnings

Do you know how difficult it is to whisper an ugly cry? I do. There I was at 3:30am, relaxed and enjoying the insight and surprising humour of this book, caught up in a ‘just one more chapter’ loop. Then, out of nowhere, I was ugly crying as quietly as possible so I didn’t wake up the sensible people in my home, those who actually sleep when it’s considered an acceptable time to do so. Okay, so it wasn’t exactly ‘out of nowhere’; I knew it was coming at some stage with that particular patient bu Do you know how difficult it is to whisper an ugly cry? I do. There I was at 3:30am, relaxed and enjoying the insight and surprising humour of this book, caught up in a ‘just one more chapter’ loop. Then, out of nowhere, I was ugly crying as quietly as possible so I didn’t wake up the sensible people in my home, those who actually sleep when it’s considered an acceptable time to do so. Okay, so it wasn’t exactly ‘out of nowhere’; I knew it was coming at some stage with that particular patient but I wasn’t expecting it right then.

That wasn’t the only time I cried during this book (there may have been another four tissue grabs and some very dignified sniffling involved) and it wasn’t the only time my tears caught me off guard (who knew I’d cry about the patient I initially loved to sneer at!) but it did remind me of some of the reasons why I never formally used my psychology degree.

Reason #1: Although I don’t cry a lot about my own stuff, I am a champion crier when it comes to pretty much anything else. Movies. TV shows. Songs. Books. When you cry about your stuff. When I think about your stuff and consider how brave, resilient, [insert any number of adjectives here] you were, are or are going to be. Who wants to come to therapy and feel like they need to console their therapist about their reaction to their patient’s problems?!

Reason #2: There would be certain types of people and life experiences where I just know I couldn’t remain impartial. ‘Oh, so you’re a child molester? Allow me to introduce you to another patient of mine, the one that keeps getting imprisoned for assault. I’m sure you’ll get along just fine.’

Reason #3: The goodbyes. See Reason #1.

Full disclosure: I started reading this book while my own therapist was on leave. Besides confirming my decision to not actually be a therapist (you’re so welcome, all of the people whose lives would have crossed my path in this way. I hope you found a Wendell instead!) I also got a glimpse of what it’s like behind the scenes for therapists, something I’ve always been interested in, something that’s difficult to obtain because of that pesky ‘confidentiality’ thing.

I’m not ashamed to say that I have my very own Wendell, who is awesome by the way. None of us get out of life unscathed and I think pretty much everyone could benefit from therapy at some point in their lives. One of the perks this book offers is a therapeutic ‘try before you buy’; if you’ve been considering therapy but are hesitant to schedule that initial appointment, then reading this book will give you some idea of what to expect - from the therapist, from the experience, and how it looks when it’s done right.

Sitting-with-you-in-your-pain is one of the rare experiences that people get in the protected space of a therapy room, but it’s very hard to give or get outside of it

I enjoyed Lori’s down to earth approach, her compassion and ability to bring truth to a situation, while still making me smile along the way. She humanises our experience of pain and even when she’s talking about her own therapy, her insight and openness had me smiling in recognition much more frequently than the narrative made me cry. Of her own therapy:

Yes, I’m seeking objectivity, but only because I’m convinced that objectivity will rule in my favor.

Of her therapist:

He looks at me meaningfully, like he just said something incredibly important and profound, but I kind of want to punch him.

A quote I love:

defenses serve a useful purpose. They shield people from injury … until they no longer need them.
It’s in this ellipsis that therapists work.

And another:

People often mistake numbness for nothingness, but numbness isn’t the absence of feelings; it’s a response to being overwhelmed by too many feelings.

Oh, and I have to share this one too:

When the present falls apart, so does the future we had associated with it. And having the future taken away is the mother of all plot twists. But if we spend the present trying to fix the past or control the future, we remain stuck in place, in perpetual regret.

I highlighted so many passages in this book that each time I started another binge read it felt like I was experiencing my very own mini therapy session. I saw myself in Lori and in her patients, even the initial ‘love to sneer at’ one, probably because I saw something of myself in them as well. I saw my own therapist in Wendell and felt probably too much pride in having found myself such an amazing ‘Wendell’ to help me navigate my presenting problem as well as the real issues behind the facade.

From the presenting problem to the “doorknob disclosures”, “what-aboutery” and self-sabotage, all the way to the “termination” (seriously, can therapists collectively find a less aggressive way to label someone’s graduation from therapy?), I ‘just one more chaptered’ my way through this book.

Although at times I felt voyeuristic, have some outstanding questions about Lori’s patients I’m not entitled to know but still want to (Would you please tell me John’s real name or at least the name of the TV show you kept referencing so I can binge watch it?) and had at least one ugly cry headache as a result of reading this book, I wouldn’t hesitate to recommend it to pretty much anyone.

Much like the way Lori talks about who therapy can’t help, I think the only people who wouldn’t benefit in some way by reading this book are those “who aren’t curious about themselves.” I’ll leave you with what’s currently my favourite quote:

There’s no hierarchy of pain. Suffering shouldn’t be ranked, because pain is not a contest.

Content warnings include mention of suicidal ideation, addiction, mental health, grief, chronic illness and a whole pile of other reasons people seek therapy in the first place. ...more

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Feb 10, 2020 Brandice rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Maybe You Should Talk to Someone is by therapist Lori Gottlieb who experienced an unexpected breakup in her 40s and decided to go to therapy herself as part of her healing process. In this book, she shares her thoughts and experiences as well as the journeys of a handful of her own patients, each working through different challenges.

Lori dipped into a few careers before finding her calling in therapy. I appreciated that she was selective in choosing her own therapist as well. While there are ma ...more

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Jun 12, 2019 Gosia rated it it was ok · review of another edition

I'm a therapist... blah blah... My boyfriend broke up with me... blah blah... My patient did this and that... blah blah. The author is spilling words on paper without putting much thought to it, so it reads like a stream of consciousness done for therapeutic reasons - and then edited here and there to make it fit for publishing and getting money of it. The book lacks structure and deeper insights, but most of all it lacks credibility. You want to believe Lori's story but she never opens up compl ...more

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Sep 23, 2019 Jennifer Blankfein rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Stayed home for two days to read this insightful book - couldn’t put it down! Needed tissues multiple times; I cried for every character- Lori Gottlieb writes with heart, vulnerability and truth while giving us a look behind the scenes of a therapist’s life. So much to think about.

I loved and learned so much reading Maybe You Should Talk To Someone. Heading to therapy when life throws you a curveball may be just the thing you need to face your problems head on. It is a process, not a quick fix, ...more

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May 03, 2019 Olive Fellows (abookolive) rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: memoir, favorites-2019, favorites-all-time

Check out my review on Booktube: https://youtu.be/tIlGCRTgmg8 ...more

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Sep 06, 2020 jenny✨ rated it liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: psychology, mental-health-and-illness, non-fic, growth-love-n-relationships, auto-biography-memoir, 2019

Maybe we all need to doubt, rail against, and question before we can really let go.

⭐️⭐️⭐️✨ 3.5 stars!

I have to admit, sometimes this book REALLY screamed “Hello world, I counsel rich white Los Angeleans!” and I couldn’t quite into the flow of it. The author’s personal anecdotes alternate somewhat jarringly with those of four patients, and I found myself setting this book aside several times over the course of reading it.

Another reviewer mentioned that the author comes off as “self-indulgen ...more

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Nov 21, 2019 Tania rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: best, audio, 2019, non-fiction, favorite-books, gr-nominated-2019

Not my normal genre - I don't read much non-fiction and no self-help, but I loved this.

I adore books that make me laugh and cry, teach me things and make me think about stuff I've never thought of before. Maybe You Should Talk to Someone ticked all of the above boxes.

Lori Gottlieb shows us that to make mistakes is human, and that we should have more compassion for others AND ourselves.

I loved that we got to know the author, her therapist and her selected patients on a deeply personal level, and ...more

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Aug 11, 2019 Lisa rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: audiobook

[4+] I doubt that I would have read this if my book club had not chosen it as our selection. The idea of listening to a therapist talk about her patients doesn't appeal to me. But I enjoyed every minute! I like Gottlieb's writing style; she has an excellent sense of pacing and draws the reader into her patients' lives and her own life without making the book feel voyeuristic.

I was very moved by several of the stories. I feel that one of the reasons the book worked so well was the openness Gottl ...more

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Jul 25, 2019 Antigone rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: memoir-biography

In an account that could easily be subtitled Therapists Are People, Too, Lori Gottlieb journeys through her experience as a Los Angeles psychotherapist practicing amidst the misery of a sudden and unexpected break with the man she had planned to marry. This necessitates her own entry into treatment and provides the reader with a unique double-field of revelation - the mechanics of analysis as encountered from both sides of that metaphorical couch.

Gottlieb is a fine writer. The many years she's s ...more

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Aug 03, 2019 Holly rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: 2019

Maybe You Should Talk to Someone is a fascinating look into the world of a therapist and how therapy works. Sprinkled throughout the book are snippets of psychology, including explanations of defense mechanisms, stages of change, tasks of mourning, and brief glimpses of the contributions of Freud, Erikson, Rogers, Franklin, and others to the field of psychology. It’s almost like getting a psychology education. Profound insights about human nature abound:

...people who are demanding, critical, and Maybe You Should Talk to Someone is a fascinating look into the world of a therapist and how therapy works. Sprinkled throughout the book are snippets of psychology, including explanations of defense mechanisms, stages of change, tasks of mourning, and brief glimpses of the contributions of Freud, Erikson, Rogers, Franklin, and others to the field of psychology. It’s almost like getting a psychology education. Profound insights about human nature abound:

...people who are demanding, critical, and angry tend to suffer from intense loneliness. I know that a person who acts this way both wants to be seen and is terrified of being seen.

We marry our unfinished business.
It’s not that people want to get hurt again. It’s that they want to master a situation in which they felt helpless as children.

Sometimes “drama,” no matter how unpleasant, can be a form of self-medication, a way to calm ourselves down by avoiding the crises brewing inside.

...pain can be protective; staying in a depressed place can be a form of avoidance. Safe inside her shell of pain, she doesn’t have to face anything, nor does she have to emerge into the world, where she might get hurt again.

Lori Gottlieb takes us on a journey of self-discovery with herself and her patients. We learn about the world of therapy — how it works, what’s it like from the therapist’s point of view, how change happens, when therapy ends, what’s it like when a therapist goes to a therapist, and much more.

...therapy is about understanding the self that you are. But part of getting to know yourself is to unknow yourself—to let go of the limiting stories you’ve told yourself about who you are so that you aren’t trapped by them, so you can live your life and not the story you’ve been telling yourself about your life.

...change and loss travel together. We can’t have change without loss, which is why so often people say they want change but nonetheless stay exactly the same.

The things we protest against the most are often the very things we need to look at.

Included throughout Maybe You Should Talk to Someone are conversations between therapist and client. Over the course of the book, we get to know several of Lori’s patients and their stories. These patients are fascinating and the authenticity of their sessions rings through.

Gottlieb writes well, in a friendly style with much insight, depth and meaning included in every paragraph. I appreciated her discussing her own problems — people often forget that therapists are human and have problems just like the rest of us. Gottlieb is not shy about revealing her issues and her thoughts as well as the process of therapy she undergoes for herself.

I just need a little crisis management, a few weeks to “process” an unexpected breakup, and then I’ll be good to go. I’ve done therapy before, I say, so I come “preshrunk.” ...more

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Play Book Tag: Maybe You Should Talk To Someone by Lori Gottlieb -- 5 stars + ♥	2	14	Jan 17, 2021 08:15AM
Play Book Tag: Maybe You Should Talk to Someone/Gottlieb - 5 stars	12	21	Jan 12, 2021 01:41PM
Read With Me!: Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, Her Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed	1	5	Oct 01, 2020 02:31PM
Play Book Tag: Maybe You Should Talk to Someone-3 stars	3	19	Sep 10, 2020 07:53PM
Play Book Tag: Maybe You Should Talk to Someone - 5 stars	2	23	Sep 05, 2020 10:19PM

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“We can’t have change without loss, which is why so often people say they want change but nonetheless stay exactly the same.” — 232 likes

“We tend to think that the future happens later, but we're creating it in our minds every day. When the present falls apart, so does the future we had associated with it. And having the future taken away is the mother of all plot twists.” — 173 likes

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