Simple Happy Parenting: The Secret of Less for Calmer Parents and Happier Kids

by Denaye Barahona, Manon de Jong (Illustrator), Amy Drucker (Photographer)

Families live better with less: less clutter, uncomplicated meals and positive discipline. Simple Happy Parenting provides practical tools and expert advice to help you live well with your family. 

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Self Help, Family

192 pages, Kindle Edition

Published June 4, 2019

About the author

Denaye Barahona is the founder of Simple Families, a blog, podcast and online learning community dedicated to helping families live well with young children.

First and foremost, however, Denaye is a mother and wife. She and her husband started their family and adventure as parents in 2013 when they welcomed their son, and their daughter completed them in 2016. Denaye resides with her family in New York.

Denaye has a personal and professional passion for helping women thrive in motherhood, with a Ph.D. in Child Development with a focus in Family Wellness. She is also a clinical social worker with a specialty in Child and Family Practice and has a Post-Grad Certificate in Behavior Analysis of Children. She has spent her career coaching parents and supporting families.

Denaye loves to travel [yes, with kids], talk all-things-health-and-food, and give preposterous amounts of unsolicited parenting advice. Whether it is from her on-the-job training as a mama or her professional experience, she has learnt that as parents we so desperately want to get everything right, but in the process we have the tendency to overcomplicate, overthink, and get overwhelmed.

Denaye is here to convince you that simple really is smart. She advocates taking a holistic approach to helping the whole family stay well: physical, emotional, and relational. That means living well by developing a healthy relationship with yourself, your family, and your home.

Reviews

[Genevieve Trono]

I was very interested in reading Simple Happy Parenting by Denaye Barahona. After parenting for almost 9 years, we have experienced the feeling of complete exhaustion, overwhelm and burnout and have worked for many years to find the right balance in our family. It is certainly always an ongoing process as parenting is always changing and evolving as our children grow, but I loved Barahona's tips on how to simplify and prioritize what's important.

I love that at the start the book she recognized that there is no perfect way to juggle it all, and it made the rest of the book feel more approachable because I knew she was coming from a place of relatability. Pulling out of the race of parenting and doing what is important for your own family is such simple yet important advice.

If you set your goals and expectations of parenting by the world around you, you will never find contentment or peace in your own parenting journey. We are all allowed to follow different paths, but being true to ourselves and our own desires as a family allows us to pull out of the parenting competition and prioritize what is important to our own families. "Instead of chasing the impossible, choose to live simply and love immensely."

But how do you do this, one might wonder. It sounds easy but if you have parenting for any length of time, you know it just isn't. Barahona shares her Simple Manifesto:

1. Fear Less
2. Hurry Less
3. Entertain Less
4. Referee Less
5. Buy Less

After sharing this manifesto, she walks you through how to accomplish these goals. I especially enjoyed the sections on entertaining less(and letting your kids be bored) and refereeing less. Both of these concepts and shifts help everyone in our family lives happier and more successful lives but often seem really hard to remember when we are in the thick of daily life. Her practical advice was relatable and things that we could easily implement into our family foundation.

The photos and illustrations were a nice addition to this text. I don't think the photos were totally necessary, but it did help make this book feel more personal and helped connect me as a reader with this author.

If you are looking for tips on how to simplify your life as a family, I definitely recommend this book. Thank you to NetGalley and White Lion Publishing for an advanced copy of this book.

[Emily · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really tried to like this book. I'm familiar with the author, her blog and courses. This book reads like an e-book that you would buy for $5. It contained no ground breaking information, was repetitive, and she includes sections from other mothers/bloggers. It feels totally unnecessary as a physical book. However, Ms. Barahona's encouraging and non judgmental tone was easy to read and it is a good summary of minimalism in a family setting for those not already familiar with the concept. But, it provides no useful information to those already familiar or living the life. So disappointed.

[Katy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm not sure how I discovered the Simple Families blog and podcast anymore (probably while mindlessly scrolling Instagram), but the discovery in many ways transformed my parenting experience. This book reinforced so much of what I already felt about Denaye--she's #parentinggoals. I read this book slowly, savoring the advice and wisdom she shares. Somehow she always manages a tone of both compassion for the challenge of motherhood while also encouraging all of us to do better. Her work has meant so much to me, providing the reassurance that I'm not crazy for thinking there's a different way to parent, and creating a community of like-minded mamas who can all support one another. Thanks, Denaye. Please write more books.

[CozyReaderKelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had received an arc of this book via netgalley, and I hadn't heard of the author's blog/podcast before reading her book. It turned out it was exactly what I needed right now in my journey of motherhood. My husband and I just moved to the country, and we really want to simplify our lives and change the way we are raising our children in this overstimulated world.

This book contains some great points about simplifying stuff in your house (including toys), your schedule, and parenting in order to bring peace to your family. I thought her tips were really easy to follow (we have already started to implement a few). I wouldn't say anything talked about in this book is ground breaking, so if you read a lot of parenting books/blogs or listen to advise podcasts you might not get as much out of it. But, if you are looking to simplify your life and need a little guidance, this book is a great place to start.

I personally liked how simply she laid everything out in the book. The sections followed a pattern: giving information on how the topic applies to the well being of your children, a summary of her points, then specific examples of things to do, followed by some advice by another blogger. I found it easy to follow, and I will be using several of her suggestions in our home.

[Emma M. · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have listened to just about every episode of the Simple Families podcast, so I'm clearly a fan. If you have not listened to just about every episode, then I think this is a great introduction with wonderful advice. However, if you are like me then I don't know that you will find a whole lot of new information here.

[Becca · Rating 4 out of 5]

A bit repetitive and a lot of overlap with her podcast, but inspiring overall.

—————

My notes:

“Our offspring can sense our feelings and frustrations from the earliest months of their lives - it’s called social referencing”

The manifesto:
Fear less
Hurry less
Entertain less
Referee less
Buy less.

Steps towards a simple family home
* Protect your active spaces.
Three types of things: Active, storage (each with appropriate places). And share-the-love (things to donate).
* Create a child-friendly home.
* Don’t fear the breakables

Be deliberate about the messages we display (photos of a family vacation or nature outing)
Watch for subtle teaching moments (About the fleeting pleasure of new toys, for example)
Talk up the joy we experience from living with less

Capsule wardrobe ideas
* Aim for a number (for example 45... 20 tops & dresses, ten bottoms, 15 pairs of shoes)
* Choose a color palette (4-6 colors)
* Research some looks (pay attention to catalogs)
* Empty your closet
* Go shopping with a plan - no more impulse purchases, buy with intention

Selecting toys:
* Does my child LOVE and engage with this toy?
* Does this toy offer opportunity for my kids to innovate and create?
* Will this toy encourage movement? (Either small fine-motor or large whole body)
* Is this toy versatile - can it be used by various ages?

Managing books:
* Choose a book headquarters (a closet to keep the collection... pull some to have out & available)
* Minimize books
* Designate access points (small shelves in bedrooms & the playroom)
* Rotate the books (kids welcome to request books from headquarters)

Mantra: My children will eat well and mealtime can be joyful.
Encourages us to serve non-preferred foods. Lifts the pressure.
Implement boundaries and structure - limit snacks.
Use meal windows. (One hour before meal is served - can snack on prep foods. One hour after - can have leftovers.)
Don’t force them to stay at the table.
Honor your job description. (DOR)

Fear less
I kiss the boo-boos, I don’t prevent the falls. If I let them fall they will learn to stand back up. They will learn how to prevent themselves from falling again. I refuse to hover. I refuse to parent through the lens of fear. My daughter is capable. Let’s stop perpetuating self-doubt and start conveying confidence. When parents send the message that the world is a scary place, the fears may be passed unto the children. We have to give them space to safely let them wander, explore, take risks, and challenge themselves. Practice bringing awareness to your anxieties and questioning whether the decisions you are making are best for your child’s safety, or simply pandering to your own anxiety. Our fears are contagious.

Use worry-batching. (Set a time to worry)
Use mindfulness for kids. A mindful hug with deep breaths.

Rush less
We continuously receive the message that busy is better. Lingering is the art of learning to slow down and appreciate exactly what’s in front of you. I made a choice to stop living ten steps ahead and start living in the right now. Stop, breath, and let your to-do list go.

Reasons to get outside
1. The brain needs it - varied sensory input that aids development
2. The body needs it - outdoor free play: when children go outside, they are moving in unique, unstructured ways: climbing, balancing, lifting, etc
3. The earth needs it - sustainability efforts higher in societies that alleviate nature

Less distraction
Boredom is a gift. When we start to entertain our children, they come to expect entertainment. We interpret a bored child as an unhappy child. Boredom leads to imitation (watching everything we do) and unstructured play (pretend, free play), which provide the foundation for: critical thinking, collaboration, communication, and creativity.

Unstructured play provides opportunities to practice conflict management, problem solving, and innovation.

Understand how children learn: through imitation & unstructured play
* Critical thinking - they become questioners and information seekers
* Creativity - they become innovators and creators
* Communication - they become listeners and talkers
* Collaboration - they become team players and problem solvers

Choose to parent with less distraction: Less TV and structured activities

To encourage unstructured play
1. Have fewer toys
2. Allow boredom
3. Take them outside
4. Give simple prompts - you don’t need to be a constant play companion get them started with “this could be a castle”
5. Cut back on screen time

To cut back on screen time:
1. Explain it: “It’s my job as your Mama to make sure that your brain and body are healthy. For your brain and body to be healthy, they need lots of playing and moving. When you watch television, your brain and body aren’t getting the exercise they need.”
2. Schedule it

Getting more outdoor time
* Prepare the space. What do they have available? Think about what they like: climbing? Hauling? Painting?Invite them to create with natural materials: mosaics, sticks
* Prepare your child: make sure they’re comfortable and fed
* Bring your own sense of wonder

Be a coach, not a referee
The uncontrollable sibling relationship is a practice ground in a space where it’s safe to make mistakes. Practicing social skills: how to communicate, listen, negotiate, and forgive. Resolutions are: awkward, ungraceful, not always calm or polite. Model good behavior, role-play, then step back.

Role play: practice using new language and non-verbal communication strategies. Here are three key points that we can practice and teach:
* Give other children physical space when they appear to be upset.
* Practice specific words that will clearly tell others when you don’t like a behavior.
* Know when to seek support from adults.

Enable expansion and contraction
When we expand, we move apart and operate independently. (running outside, playing freely)
When we contract, we come together and interact in a physically and emotionally close way. (doing a puzzle, reading a book, building together)
**Parents can notice when they need to make the switch and facilitate it. Shouldn’t be punitive, but build it into the rhythm of the day.

Intentional parenting: Warmth and connection to build a strong bond. Get down at kid-level, offer eye contact, and show them respect.

Self-care might be alongside them: a walk in the woods, poetry read together, a hot coffee, a warm bath.

Less stuff
* Focus on the real gifts. (Relationships, adventures).
* The joy of presents is fleeting. Consider the quantity, quality, and frequency of stuff we give.
* It starts with us - make conscious decisions about consumption. Carefully consider how we accumulate. Embrace a countercultural life.
* Refuse what you don’t need.

[Camden Morgante · Rating 3 out of 5]

Beautiful book with lots of pictures and illustrations. It has a simple layout and organization and is practical and easy to read. I wish there was more substance.

The author has a PhD in Child Development, yet she didn’t mention much research or science beyond what a mom blogger would also say. I found myself wanting more explanation and examples for some of her tips, like role playing with children to help them solve their own conflicts or how to foster more creativity and free play time in kids. She mentions these things, but doesn’t go into any detail. Another example: she has a page on intentional parenting and the importance of having a warm bond with your kids. 5/6 of the page is on why this is important. 1/6 is three bullet points on how to build warmth and connection with kids, without any further example or explanation. There’s just not enough depth to support her excellent advice.

It was a little too basic for me, but overall I love her parenting philosophy and will be listening to her podcast for more depth on some of these topics.

[Diane · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had the opportunity to interview Denaye for my podcast: The Minimalist Moms Podcast. She was just as lovely as she comes across in her book. The advice in Simple Happy Parenting is refreshing and is beneficial when implemented. I'm a big believer in the 'less-is-more approach' to parenting and this book doesn't disappoint. Also, it's just stunning to flip through - major props to the photographer Amy Drucker and illustrator Manon de Jong!

[Kristin · Rating 3 out of 5]

Seems like a rehash of other parenting books. Would definitely recommend Simplicity Parenting over this one.

[Ashwini · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quick easy read. Felt like a mix of Marie Condo asking us to declutter and the general minimalism mantra that's been around for a while.

Key points: buy less, do less, worry less. Have a capsule wardrobe for you and kids. Good quality stuff lasts a while. Donate/sell when you're done with it.

Have more free time so you can do anything your heart/kids feel like doing that day.

That's it; enjoy the journey (of life/parenthood) It'll be over before you know it.

[Danielle Janzen · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really liked this book. Many times after I read a parenting book, I feel overwhelmed or bad about my current efforts. This book doesn’t do that. It made me feel like I could slowly but surely implement small changes to create a more simple and purpose filled lifestyle for my family. It took me a while to read it, but that was mostly just because I was implementing changes as I read it. Let’s just say that many of our toys and clothes have been gone through. The themes that especially resonated with me were living less in fear, living with confidence even if it feels countercultural, buying less, wasting less, less screen time, allowing kids to learn more of their mistakes without your interference and protecting blank space on your calendar because being bored isn’t a bad thing. I recommend this book to anyone looking to bring more meaning and purpose into your life through simplifying.

[Lindsey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this book. It's not so much a parenting book in the traditional sense (those usually focus on discipline) but more of a family lifestyle book. The book touches on lots of areas of family life where simplifying can lead to less stress for everyone: your home, toys, meal times, schedule, your mindset and expectations. I'm really drawn to simplicity in all areas of my life and as this is often a countercultural view, it's nice to feel validated and supported and that's what I found in this book. My only issue with it is that it feels geared toward families with younger kids. I would have loved more direction for simplifying with older (and more opinionated) kids.

[Candace H-H · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this as an ebook, but it felt like a coffee table book. Lots of picture and short essays that felt like magazine articles. I’ve been reading books on minimalism recently, but this didn’t hit the mark for me. The book was more geared towards pregnant women or women with babies or young toddlers (who are typically developing- she doesn’t touch on neurodivergent kids, besides noting that in recent times there’s more screens and less playing outside, and also ADHD, autism, etc. huh? Don’t do that).

[Melissa Borsey · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book and all of the useful, simple tips and tricks that can help all families, big and small. I especially liked the section on helping with clutter and meals. I thank Netgalley for the opportunity to read and review this book.

[Ginger Hudock · Rating 3 out of 5]

This beautiful and is filled with photos of the author and her family. There is not much new in this book if you have read other simple living books. It could be good for young parents who need a little inspiration.

[Mary · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fine advice you’ve probably read before but dipped in a bit of self congratulation and privilege.

[Laura]

In a crowded field of organization and self-help, Simple Happy Parenting stands out as being direct, authentic, and relatable. This is not the book to bully or shame families in some minimalist contest. It encourages families to take steps and model a slower, more intentional life. The ideas are all familiar, but Barahona shares strategies that can actually be implemented to control the clutter of toys or have your child eat the dinner you've prepared. As someone who wants to ascribe to a minimalist and simple living attitude, I appreciate having a guide explicitly including children.

[Katy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I LOVED this book. Very simple concepts for parenting that also apply to adults. This gave me inspiration and I caught glimpses of the type of parent I try and hope to be. I would definitely recommend this book and I would reread it.

[Jane Cullum · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ve read quite a few parenting books related to minimalism and slow living. I appreciated the way this book summed it all up and was a refreshing reminder of why I choose intentional parenting and consumerism. I loved the excerpts from Nicole Kavanaugh, Eloise Rickman and Zoë Kim, some of my favorite “experts” in this area.

[Stephanie Pellerin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Une lecture que tout parent devrait faire!

[Rachel · Rating 3 out of 5]

More basic than I was going for. When someone has a blog and a podcast on a topic, and then they write a book, don't you hope the book will go into more depth and maybe a bit more science/research findings to back the claims being made. But no, as already with this type of thing, it's just the exact same repetitive blog/podcast content written down.

I am totally here for simple parenting. Hunt gather parent, written by an investigative journalist, is my favourite; nothing else I've read on the topic comes close to being as substantial. I am now in search of an equivalent 'bible' for minimalism. I have tried several famous minimalists now, but it's all the same-- surface level motivational. It's like the evangelical message, fine, but I want the apologetics. Where's the apologetics please?

[Julie Eyre · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nothing life changing. But good reminders.
I liked the concept of fuego a lot.

the purposes of this book, we are going to give that relationship a name: Meet Fuego. Let me tell you a little bit about Fuego: He got his name because, well, he’s often en fuego or “on fire.” Fuego is a handful because he has primitive socialization and reasoning skills. He is completely undeveloped, a true work-in-progress, if you will. As a result, Fuego doesn’t quite buy into the idea of sharing and pretty much always thinks everything belongs to him. Sometimes Fuego simmers quietly and provides warmth and comfort. But often he’s roaring and explosive. Most days, he’s my greatest obstacle. The hardest part of having Fuego living in our home is that he isn’t mine. I can’t control him and I can’t manage him. He wholly belongs to my son and my daughter. Fuego is usually messy and irritating, but when he’s good he is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. This gives me hope because I have a lot of visions for what I want him to look like. I know exactly how I want him to behave. I want him to be kind and generous. I want him to be proud and loyal. If I could just grab Fuego and fix him, I would do it in a heartbeat. But here’s the thing, Fuego has a purpose. He’s a practice ground for my children’s future relationships. He is teaching them everything about conflict resolution, problem-solving, and negotiation. For this, I am thankful that he exists in my home—so they can learn these important things in a space that is safe to make mistakes. You won’t want to hear this, but it can take years for Fuegos to mature—whether between siblings, cousins, or friends. Sometimes it can take decades. I have heard of Fuegos who were just starting to hit their stride after twenty or thirty years. As much as I would like to hurry up the process and create peace and quiet in my home, I know that much of Fuego’s development is out of my hands. Even though he’s a wildcard right now, I know that he is going to grow into something wonderful.”

[Kayla · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received a free copy of this book from Quarto Books through a Goodreads giveaway.

There are two main categories that parenting books fall under: those that rely heavily on research and those that are based more on personal experience of the author and anecdotes. This book is the second type. Barahona cites a handful of research articles but for the most part what she has to say is based on the experiences of her family. (Both types of books are valuable, by the way--for me, the research-based books provide strong motivation for why I should make changes or try something a certain way, while the more personal, anecdotal books usual give me a better idea of how to actually make it happen in my life)

The nature of the more personal, anecdote-based books is that they tend to have lots of ideas, but not all of them will work for everyone. There was plenty in this book that made me think, "That's an interesting idea but I can't see it working for me because of XYZ," or "That might be something useful to think about a few years down the road, but it's not really feasible right now." However, I also came away with five or six ideas that made me think, "I could totally do that and it would actually reduce some stress for me," or "I love that way of thinking about this issue, and it will help me find a solution the next time I am facing this problem." And those five or six things (not to mention that the overall tone of the book has a message I really agree with and want to live more in line with) made this book absolutely worth the time, and I'm not sad that winning it in the giveaway means I have my very own copy to keep.

[Jessica Cleghorn · Rating 3 out of 5]

A visually appealing book which encourages parents to:
1) Buy less
2) Fear less
3) Referee less
4) Hurry less
5) Entertain less.

Some good , simple and actionable tips in here but frankly nothing groundbreaking, especially if you have any familiarity with minimalism.

I did take a bit of issue with this point on page 126 Childhood disorders are on the rise: ADHD, autism spectrum disorders, anxiety, depression- we have seen increasing rates across the board. The verdict is out on whether the lack of nature in this generation is correlated with the rise of such disorders, but what the research does show us is that all children will benefit from time in nature. . In my opinion, this statement is reductive at best and potentially harmful at worst. These diagnoses are "on the rise" because we are more aware of what they are and diagnosis is more accessible (though arguably not enough). This statement was in a section talking about the benefit of being in nature , and of course it's true that being in nature is good for the mind, and these conditions may be exacerbated by not getting enough of it. The phrasing however implies that these conditions could stem from simply being inside too much, which is absolutely untrue. I don't think this was necessarily what the author meant to imply, but I think is still worth calling out.

Overall, I would still recommend this book as an easy read , mostly beneficial to those who don't have much familiarity with minimilism , or who are finding themselves stuck in the "rat race" of parenting.

[Ilana · Rating 4 out of 5]

The happy news is that there is not one and only recipe for parenting. How happy parenting is, I rather don't insist, but I think often that the association between those words is more wishful thinking than realistic. Maybe 'happy' have to get out of the picture completely and replaced with different words like 'relaxed', 'stress-free', 'no expectations' etc.
What is good about this book is that makes you think and wish that it is possible to have a less complicated life as a parent, focused on essential things. Buying too many toys or overthinking or refusing to follow a minimal discipline are toxic habits for an adult. If you learn those habits as a child it may spare a lot of confusion later in life.
However, unfortunately there is no recipe to stay calm for ever when your kids are tantruming for hours but discipline and wisdome can help at least to not feel that it is the end of the world. For parents, such books are useful to keep them busy thinking that there is some happiness after all when it comes to parenting.

Disclaimer: Book offered by the publisher in exchange for an honest review

[Kelli · Rating 5 out of 5]

Whether you’re already a fan of the Simple Families podcast or new, you’ll find something to take away from this that will help you simplify your family. At first I wanted to take away a star because the book IS so simple, but after reflecting, isn’t that the point? It isn’t a textbook with explicit details on every aspect of raising kids (though more information can be found on the podcast). What it is is an almost meditative ask that we simply pause, find what is most important, and chill out. Filled with gorgeous full-color photos and short musings on areas like scheduling, meals, siblings, and busy schedules, it reminds us to ignore the overcrowded and consumerist mindset we’re surrounded by for a calmer life. Sometimes the dishes won’t get done. Sometimes kids will fight. But the best thing we can do is be present and model love and acceptance for ourselves and our families.

[A.B. · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was short and good. It is a basic primer on relaxing, stepping back, and decluttering life. I am not sure how much of that is for me, the minimalism that is. I like my stuff. But I agree I may have too much of it. I also find a lot of these books tend to speak from a position of privilege that many including me do not have. A lot of this will make more sense if I had my own home, a job that would allow me to pick up my daughter from school right away, and didn't also have to juggle paying for the basics before thinking about her screen time. I supose this is also harder during a pandemic so these books need to be taken with a gain of salt during these "unprecedented times." I like the ideas, we shall see how much I am able to implement them.

[Anca · Rating 4 out of 5]

I follow Denaye Barahona's blog for more than a year. So I was looking forward to reading her book!
I find the book itself written in a minimalist way, which I enjoyed. It gives essential information and enough resources to go deeper if desired.
The biggest take-away I took from this book is the 90/10 rule for toys. The only minus I could find is the blogish writing style used sometimes, as in all.the.stuff or all.the.things.
Thank you to Net Galley and Quarto Publishing Group for providing me with an e-book copy in exchange for my honest review!

[AshleyJean6 · Rating 5 out of 5]

Some reasons why I love this book: it's an easy, fast and straightforward read. Parents of very young kids don't have time to read long, complex parenting books. This is helpful, brief (in the best way) with concrete suggestions to get you both thinking and doing. It's also not a one size fits all program; she suggests and reminds that not everything will look the same or work well for different families. It's refreshing, encouraging and motivating!! Definitely something I consider a MIST READ for families today. Less can be more and help us raise health, conscious kids!

[Nicole · Rating 4 out of 5]

There are a lot of good things about this book, but the best thing is the length. :) I have 3 kids 5 and under and I appreciated that she got straight to the point and I was able to finish the book quickly. This isn’t a book where she gives you a to-do list or step by step actions to take. She even says in her letter to the reader to use the book as a support tool rather than a Bible. As a Type A person who loooooooves to-do lists, this is hard for me, but I think that’s part of the point of this book about living more simply. Relax. Less is more.