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Letters to a Dead Friend about Zen

Brad Warner

4.23 · Rating details · 144 ratings · 27 reviews

The night Brad Warner learns that his childhood friend Marky has died, Warner is about to speak to a group of Zen students in Hamburg, Germany. It's the last thing he feels like doing. What he wants to do instead is tell his friend everything he never said, to explain Zen and what he does for a living and why he spends his time "Sitting. Sitting. Sitting. Meditating my lif ...more

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Paperback, 272 pages

Published November 8th 2019 by New World Library

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Nov 12, 2019 Gabrielle rated it it was amazing

Shelves: buddhism, non-fiction, own-a-copy, philosophy, zen, read-in-2019, reviewed

“Zen Buddhism, to me, is an attitude. (…) It’s an attitude that strives for honesty and realism. It rejects superstition. It rejects any kind of rigid belief system. It strives to be ethical because it understands that we are all intimately connected with each other and that hurting others only hurts ourselves. It accepts that rituals are useful but doesn’t believe any ritual has magic powers.”

Is it ironic of me to say, “Amen!” right here?

Brad Warner was in Germany, about to lead a meditation r “Zen Buddhism, to me, is an attitude. (…) It’s an attitude that strives for honesty and realism. It rejects superstition. It rejects any kind of rigid belief system. It strives to be ethical because it understands that we are all intimately connected with each other and that hurting others only hurts ourselves. It accepts that rituals are useful but doesn’t believe any ritual has magic powers.”

Is it ironic of me to say, “Amen!” right here?

Brad Warner was in Germany, about to lead a meditation retreat, when he learned that his friend Marky Moon had passed away. He had never discussed his Zen practice with Marky, but now that he was no longer around, he found himself writing down the things he wished he had talked about with him before he died. The result is a uniquely framed “Zen 101” book, that newbies and more experienced Zen nerds will both find informative and entertaining.

The letter format is brilliant, because it gives Warner an opportunity to discuss often complicated and nebulous Buddhist topics in his friendly conversational style, and to give very concrete, everyday life examples that literally anyone can relate to and understand. He’s still a nerd, still a punk and still an irreverent smart-ass, but you’d be missing out if you wrote him off based on that.

As Zen 101 books go, this is a great one, precisely because of how accessible and not intimidating it is. I have recently had a couple of friends who started asking me questions about Zen, and I will happily and confidently put that book in their hands. Warner covers everything you need to know, from the history of Buddhism, the life of the Buddha, the Noble Truths, Eightfold Path, the Precepts and all the basic stuff, but also gives clear information on concepts like attachment, emptiness, karma and discusses the trends in Western Buddhism that he believes people need to be careful about, such as the use of drugs, the activism angle and all the charlatanism that inevitably comes along when something is mainstreamed. He also tackled a couple of slightly less traditional topics that nevertheless need to be addressed: namely, the conversation about Western Buddhism as cultural appropriation, and the rash of scandals within Buddhist communities.

Warner definitely hasn’t lost his touch, and a sane, grounded voice like his is needed more than ever for people getting into Zen, or looking to deepen their practice and take it off their meditation cushion. I can’t recommend this (and all of his books) enough. ...more

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Oct 16, 2019 Jeremy rated it it was amazing

Possibly one of his best books. Even though it's fictionalized, there's a real, personal quality to the letters, and it works as a great medium for explaining the concepts he covers. One of the thinks I like most about Brad Warner is that he doesn't try to be an authority - he's just sharing his experience and interpretations, and I think that works much better for getting the message across than ... well, to name a couple of things I've encountered in other people's books, playing word games an ...more

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Jan 12, 2020 Me rated it it was amazing

Shelves: favorites, religion, favorite-buddhist-books

I had recently left Shambhala and a Zen group. (I found Shambhala to be a big shit sandwich of deceptions founded by a coke addict child molester) I was very tired of reading Buddhist books and listening to Buddhist teachers. I feel like walking my dogs and picking him up their crap tells me more about the dharma at this point. That being said and having taken time off of reading, I picked up Brad’s books on a whim. I am very glad I did. He has a no nonsense and fun way of explaining Zen. This b ...more

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Oct 09, 2019 Peter Clothier rated it it was amazing

(This is a review that imitates the author's epistolary style)

Dear Brad Warner,

I have a few thoughts about your new book, “Letters to a Dead Friend About Zen.” (They say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, so I hope you’ll forgive this clumsy appropriation of your letter-writing style!) The dead friend of the title and the one you write to, Marky, is---well, was—a punk rocker like yourself, a black musician who died of cancer at much too young an age. Your letters build an endearin (This is a review that imitates the author's epistolary style)

Dear Brad Warner,

I have a few thoughts about your new book, “Letters to a Dead Friend About Zen.” (They say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, so I hope you’ll forgive this clumsy appropriation of your letter-writing style!) The dead friend of the title and the one you write to, Marky, is---well, was—a punk rocker like yourself, a black musician who died of cancer at much too young an age. Your letters build an endearing portrait of the man—and not incidentally of yourself, the letter writer, Soto Zen teacher at the Angel City Zen Center in Los Angeles, filmmaker and bass guitarist as well as an itinerant guest lecturer—and suggest a loving bond between you, an intimacy that it’s nice to be let in on.

Given this relationship, it’s natural that you’d write to him with the slangy familiarity of a couple of musician pals. It’s not my language, so I honestly found it quite difficult to adjust to; I worried, from the start, that it would prove just too hip, even a bit condescending, at least for this reader. But don’t worry. I got over it.

And I found plenty of good stuff. (I hate that word, and wish you wouldn’t use it as much as you do. But then, I use it too, so I’m hardly in a position to complain.) Anyway, I’d like to thank you for a solid introduction to Zen—a branch of the Buddhist tree that has attracted me from afar, but with which I have little familiarity. I did spend a week sitting zazen on Mt. Baldy in the early days of my own Buddhist education, but that was long ago. I branched off elsewhere.

What I like particularly is that you do not make it easy. There are a zillion books out there that make Buddhism in all its forms sound like an easy answer to life’s many problems—and we have enough of them, in this contemporary world! Meditation and mindfulness are all the rage, and there’s no shortage of people—including those in the book-publishing business—who are all too happy to cash in on it. You make no such promises. On the contrary, you stress constantly that the practice of Zen is a long, hard road, and one that requires dedication, determination, and years of hard work. I like that you revert frequently to the example of your own life and admit freely to your failings along the way as well as your successes. Buddhism is no sinecure.

I share your distrust of easy answers, and of teachers who offer them. I share your skepticism when it comes to religions and putative gods of all kinds. Your practical, no-nonsense approach to the conundrums with which life and death confront us appeals to my own learned sense of what I hope is healthy pragmatism. When it comes to the unanswerable questions, you honor the beliefs of others with the proper respect, but test them out with astute critical analysis.

I like that you are unafraid to tackle the unanswerable questions, however, and that you do not make light of the sometimes difficult and confusing concepts that Buddhism requires us to address. You do so forthrightly, and with both humility and clarity. Humility when it comes to not claiming to possess the right, or the only answers; clarity in being able to write about those concepts so that we can understand them. Most of us have a hard time with the Heart Sutra, for example: “form is emptiness, emptiness is form.” A conundrum, if ever there was one, not unlike other widely misunderstood or easily diluted concepts like no-self.. Rather than offering explanations, your clarity seems to offer us a way to get in on the secret, helping us to be comfortable with paradox and contradiction, to be open to meaning even when it’s hard to come to a rational understanding.

I like that you are knowledgeable about other branches of the Buddhist tree than Zen, and that you are able to bring that knowledge to bare sparingly, and appropriately. That you can refer us without pretension to literary sources and other fields of thought, providing us with historical, religious and philosophical context. I like that you share your obvious familiarity with many of the colorful characters who have followed in the Buddha’s path, and that you write about them with humorous affection for their foibles. That you make them come as alive for us as they seem to be for you.

I feel obliged to add that there’s some iffy stuff (that word again!) The big one is the reveal that comes at the end of your book, where your very last sentence reads, “And I apologize for lying to you.” Yes. You lied. I won’t be more specific because that would be a spoiler and I want other people to read your book. But I have to say that your last letter, this one addressed not to Marky but to your “Dear Readers,” felt like a slap in the face. You wrote eloquently about the Buddha’s Eightfold Path, one element of which is Right Speech; and about the precepts common to all branches of Buddhism, one of the most basic of which is the injunction: “Don’t lie.” So when I read that you’d been lying to me all along, I was pretty much outraged. Having been taken in by it all I quite honestly felt betrayed…

But then my outrage made me think again. Perhaps I should think of this slap-in-the-face as a kind of Zen wake-up call. Do they still use the keisaku in the zendo, that rod they smack across your shoulders in zazen when you get sloppy or sleepy? Or do contemporary Western sensibilities forbid that kind of physical correction? Anyway, that’s how it felt. So maybe I should read your whole book as a kind of Zen koan, one of those stories you also write about, the kind that often ends with the teacher rewarding the student with a nasty jab—or a kick in the pants—as the inscrutable answer to some absurd, unanswerable question. To jolt him past the quagmire of doubts and questions into enlightenment. Perhaps I needed this reminder, at the end of your book, of the Buddha’s injunction not to take anything for granted, to distrust even teachers, to distrust even his great wisdom, and return to the evidence of my own eyes, my own tested experience. Perhaps I needed that shock to remind me that it all comes back to the present moment.

Which is after all why we learn to just sit. So, okay, thanks, Brad. I enjoyed your sometimes perilous travels in Europe too. And your book is a good read, a good reminder. So, ta-ta for now. Be well. Your friend, Peter

...more

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Jan 29, 2020 Halden rated it it was amazing

I have read all of Brad Warner’s books and I am a fan so my opinions of this book probably won’t be surprising, I liked it. I do prefer his deeper dives into Zen/dharma geekery like “Don’t be a Jerk” and “It came from beyond Zen” but “Letters to a Dead friend about Zen” is something special. This book is a great way for Brad to write a book on the basics of Zen without feeling like he is covering the same ground that many others have.

“Letters to a Dead Friend about Zen” is a series of essays wr ...more

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Oct 15, 2019 Tristy at New World Library rated it it was amazing

Shelves: spirituality, mindfulness, meditation

Endorsements:
“Warner is unafraid of sharing his own beliefs and doubts and freely questions Buddhism itself. While loaded with pop culture references and dark humor, his explanations of Zen philosophy are steeped in tradition, well researched, and ultimately respectful of the practice. . . . Warner’s voice is much needed in American Buddhism.”
— Library Journal

“Warner provides an intimate, candid reflection of his Zen practice and his career as a writer and speaker in this touching work. . . . Ho ...more

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Nov 17, 2019 Stan rated it it was amazing

I don't write many reviews of non-fiction books, but in Brad Warner's case I always make an exception. He has done a great job in introducing very complex ideas about zen to English readers, in particular about Dogen.
In this book, he writes a series of letters to a recently deceased friend, in which he goes about introducing a lot of basic information about what Buddhism and Zen in particular are really like, in a way that is not contrived, not preachy, and definitely not boring.
If you haven't r ...more

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Dec 31, 2019 J.T. rated it it was amazing

No unbiased or fair review here, I love Warner’s work. This is a great addition to his body of work.

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Jun 07, 2020 Mark Robison rated it really liked it · review of another edition

When I read Brad Warner, I think of myself writing it because I could've been him: Just an average straight white kid from the Midwest into punk rock, studying Japanese, and having a curiosity about Zen. There is absolutely nothing special about Brad. His writing is plain yet conversational. He says awkward things about bodily functions and shares questionable taste in pop culture. One big difference between him and me is that he gets paid to take deep dives into Buddhist teachings. In this book When I read Brad Warner, I think of myself writing it because I could've been him: Just an average straight white kid from the Midwest into punk rock, studying Japanese, and having a curiosity about Zen. There is absolutely nothing special about Brad. His writing is plain yet conversational. He says awkward things about bodily functions and shares questionable taste in pop culture. One big difference between him and me is that he gets paid to take deep dives into Buddhist teachings. In this book, he tries to explain Zen teachings to a friend who died of cancer without Brad ever having talked about his day job as a Zen "master." While listening to Brad read each letter to small audiences around the world, I would think regarding his explanations: "Knew that, knew that, understood that — holy crap, I never thought of it that way, that is mind-blowing!"

There are chapters here that are among the best explanations of Zen I’ve ever come across. I was especially taken by his chapter on "The Goal of Having No Goals," where I realized I'm addicted to "seeking." I constantly read Buddhist and spiritual books without ever stopping to put into practice the realization that I already know everything that I need to know. I'll still read such books, but I think I'll read them simply because I enjoy such discussions and not with the attitude of seeking spiritual progress from them.

Another good thing about this book is that it faces head-on many of the questions people now have about Zen and Buddhism that usually get ignored in most American Buddhist books, like drug use, problematic teachers, and esoteric Buddhist rituals and supernatural claims.

Anyway, here are a couple of excerpts I liked:

It is impossible for me to imagine a God who created this vast, vast universe and everything in it — billions of galaxies, each one containing billions of planets, probably countless forms of life, and endless ways of relating to God, all of it existing for billions of years — and then sending just one guy to one country on one planet, having him teach a handful of people for three years, and that’s it. That’s the version of God that absolutely every sentient being he created throughout all of time and space has to believe in. And if they don’t believe, they burn in hell forever.

That just doesn’t make any sense to me. It’s like the aliens in old cheap science-fiction films who figure they’ll conquer the Earth by sending one plastic-looking flying saucer piloted by two knuckleheads equipped with ray guns. I cannot believe in a God who seems like something dreamed up by schlock film directors like Roger Corman or Ed Wood.

I can no more believe that God is a Buddhist than I can believe that God is a Christian or a Hindu or a Muslim or whatever. To me that seems obscene and deranged.

And the passage that spoke so deeply to me personally:

The other problem with focusing on goals is that in doing so we create habits that pull us away from our real lives here and now. These habits are very hard to undo. In fact, the more goal oriented your life becomes, the harder it will be to get out of that goal-seeking mentality.

The goal-seeking mentality can drive you to achieve things, like getting rich or famous or whatever it is you’ve decided will make you happy. The problem becomes glaringly apparent once any goal is achieved. Achieving goals only makes us happy in the short term.

If you have created a habit of always seeking something better, you have a permanent problem. Once you’ve achieved whatever you set out to achieve, you may be happy for a little while, but this state always goes away. This is because you’ve become acclimated to seeking. Your habit of seeking something better will turn anything you achieve into something that must now be improved or replaced. No matter what it is. Even if it’s enlightenment.

...more

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Dec 20, 2019 Matthew James Herny Barram rated it it was amazing

Really enjoyed this book. I have read Brad's other books and this is the most intro one. I could recommend it to someone interested in Zen who hasn't done much or any sitting and I think they could get a sense of it. ...more

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Jan 13, 2020 Danny Martin rated it it was amazing

Another nice piece of writing by Brad Warner. This one is an interesting approach to taking a look at Zen, and is done in a creative way, as Brad discusses what Zen's all about to a composite of a couple of dead friends. A unique enjoyable approach to the subject. ...more

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May 16, 2020 Kirsten D rated it it was amazing

Every time I finish another Brad Warner book, it becomes my new favorite. That’s the case with this one, too. I highly recommend listening to the Audible audiobook versions of Brad’s books; he records them himself and really brings them to life. This book contained a lot of insight and humor, as Brad’s books always do. It made me laugh out loud often. I love the no-nonsense, straightforward way Brad explains mystical concepts and philosophical ideas. It’s very accessible for anyone. I made many ...more

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Oct 23, 2020 Jim Thompson rated it it was amazing

This may be my favorite Brad Warner book yet.

I've enjoyed all of Warner's books. They're useful and engaging and thought-provoking while also fun to read.

This one covers a broader range of topics than most of his others. Where some books take a deep dive into Dogen's writing or sex and Zen or whatever, this touches on a lot issues, all of them interesting, and does more to present something like a complete worldview, an all around understanding of Warner's Zen. I like that.

The approach (letter ...more

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Nov 14, 2020 William Berry rated it really liked it

I just finished Letters to a Dead Friend about Zen. I thought generally it was a good book. In the afterword he explains how he had started writing it as a Zen 101 book, and that is evident. As I’ve read all but one of his previous books, I did find it basic in material, but not in writing. Because I have a reasonable understanding of Zen from his (and others) previous writing, I found most of the material to be review. This is not to say that is bad. Sometimes you need a review, and it seems I ...more

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Dec 05, 2020 Richard rated it really liked it

Shelves: zen, spiritual, warner

If you know nothing about Zen, know this, it is the easiest thing and the hardest thing to understand. That said, this book is great for everyone from novices to advanced practitioners. Brad Warner avoids all the "zen" slogans, dogmatic presentations, obscurity, and "feel good" afflictions found in a great many modern books on Zen. He explains things as clearly as anyone ever could I suspect, is willing to say "I don't know" and is an excellent teacher. The approach of explaining it all to his d ...more

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Jan 20, 2020 Steve rated it really liked it

Shelves: buddhism

I ended up really liking this book. Lots of topics in the second half that have currency and the beginning had some kind of zen talk. There's a good chapter on koans. I liked the chapter on crazy wisdom. Thought provoking and I came to quite like his writing. I ordered another one from the library. The first book of his I tried to read was his book about god, and I wasn't into that, but I did try it until I couldn't go on. He only says, "thank god," once in the book and doesn't talk god. Anyway, ...more

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Jan 03, 2021 Jennifer Munn rated it really liked it

A bit ironic how judgmental and elitist this Buddhist could be perceived to be based on the language he chooses to use... but then, now I too am being judgmental and labeling him... but this is just a reminder... we are all human and fall into the human condition even as we attempt to break free from attachment... we cling to the ease of labels and a desire to be heard and understood. I still found it an interesting read.

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Nov 23, 2019 Scott rated it really liked it

Brad’s original title for this was Zen 101 and it lives up to that billing, being a sort of introduction to Zen and Buddhism in general. There’s no shortage of such books around and even as introductions go it’s not particularly deep, but the format, the engaging writing style and the humor make for an enjoyable read. Reader’s of Brad’s other books might not find much new here but for those who’ve never read him, it could make for a good first book to tackle.

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Feb 06, 2020 Marv H rated it it was amazing

This book is written in a very interesting style, reading it doesn't get boring, it's educational and entertaining at the same time. I'd recommend it for people with a new interest in Zen-Buddhism, but also for those who already know a fair bit about it, its not your typical bore about basic stuff other authors have already written about. I think the author is a unique character that produces unique books that are all worth reading. ...more

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Apr 29, 2020 B. rated it it was amazing

Great book! As always Warner brings his irreverent style and voice to a topic which could be very stuffy. If I had to recommend one book to introduce a friend to Zen, this would be it...it breaks up practice, belief, other Buddhist beliefs in contrast to zen into easily digestible letters. I highly recommend you listen to this one and you can catch Warner’s tone of voice to go along with his smart ass words!

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Apr 12, 2020 Colin rated it it was amazing

Shelves: non-fiction

I believe this is Warner's best work to date. It definitely draws on the experiences of his previous works, but they aren't prerequisite reading here (although I still heartily recommend them).

I'd recommend Letters as an earnest and intimate introduction to some fundamental Buddhist ideas. I found it very affecting. ...more

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Dec 16, 2019 Justin rated it really liked it

One of the author's more enjoyable books. That being said, it seemed to mostly rehash Zen Buddhism 101 material ...more

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Jan 18, 2020 Chrissy Poo rated it really liked it

Shelves: buddhism, non-fiction

A funny, easy to read zen book.

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Jan 20, 2020 Paul G Campagnoli rated it it was amazing

After 2 very nerdy books on Dogon it’s back to basics with an engaging epistolary format. It’s Zen 101–102 with enough meat for even the most seasoned zennie.

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Nov 12, 2019 Skrot rated it it was amazing

Beautiful, moving, useful. Great, great book.

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Dec 26, 2019 Ron Semerena rated it it was amazing

Liked the book very much. I’ve read all of Warner’s books and feel this one to be among his best. I would recommend this to anyone interested in a basic understanding of Zen Buddhism.

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Dec 13, 2019 N rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Really really good!

Very easy to read and entertaining as well as informative. Also very unique. I've read all of Brad Warner's books and this is probably my favorite! ...more

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Tapani Von rated it it was amazing
Dec 01, 2019

Maria rated it it was amazing
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Dec 29, 2020

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About Brad Warner

Brad Warner

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Brad Warner is an ordained Zen Master (though he hates that term) in the Soto lineage founded in Japan by Master Dogen Zenji in the 13th century. He's the bass player for the hardcore punk rock group 0DFx (aka Zero Defex) and the ex-vice president of the Los Angeles office of the company founded by the man who created Godzilla.

Brad was born in Hamilton, Ohio in 1964. In 1972, his family relocated ...more

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