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Lost Child: The True Story of a Girl who Couldn't Ask for Help
Jessie is nine years old and looks like the perfect little girl, with red hair, green eyes and a beguiling smile. She even has a talent for drawing gorgeous and intricate pictures. But Jessie also knows how to get her own way and will lie, scream, shout and hurt to get just exactly what she wants.
Her parents say they can't take her back, and her social workers struggle to deal with her destructive behaviour and wild mood swings. After her chaotic passage through numerous foster placements, Jessie has finally received a diagnosis of an attachment disorder. Attachment disorders arise when children are deprived of the all-important close bonds with trustworthy adults that allow them to develop emotionally and thrive. Finally educational psychologist Torey Hayden is called in to help. Torey agrees to weekly meetings with Jessie to try and uncover why she is acting out. Torey's gentle care and attention reveal shocking truths behind Jessie's lies. Can Torey and the other social workers help to provide the consistent loving care that has so far been missing in Jessie’s life, or will she push them away too?
337 pages, Kindle Edition
First published August 8, 2019
161 people are currently reading
1251 people want to read
About the author
Torey L. Hayden
51 books1,561 followersVictoria Lynn Hayden, known as Torey L. Hayden (born May 21, 1951 in Livingston, Montana) is a child psychologist, special education teacher, university lecturer and writer of non-fiction books based on her real-life experiences with teaching and counselling children with special needs.
Subjects covered in her books include autism, Tourette syndrome, sexual abuse, fetal alcohol syndrome, and elective mutism (now called selective mutism), her specialty.
Hayden attended high school in Billings, Montana and graduated in 1969. She then attended Whitman College in Walla Walla, Washington.
A little time after having written her most famous book One Child, Hayden moved to Wales in 1980 and got married to a Scot called Ken two years later. In 1985, she gave birth to her daughter Sheena. Hayden is now divorced.
She has also written three books of fiction in addition to her non-fiction books.
Subjects covered in her books include autism, Tourette syndrome, sexual abuse, fetal alcohol syndrome, and elective mutism (now called selective mutism), her specialty.
Hayden attended high school in Billings, Montana and graduated in 1969. She then attended Whitman College in Walla Walla, Washington.
A little time after having written her most famous book One Child, Hayden moved to Wales in 1980 and got married to a Scot called Ken two years later. In 1985, she gave birth to her daughter Sheena. Hayden is now divorced.
She has also written three books of fiction in addition to her non-fiction books.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 172 reviews
October 11, 2019
Torey Hayden is an educational psychologist who works with children, and this story is about one child she met during her work.
Jessie is nine years old. She’s talented with art, especially drawing. She’s also known to throw tantrums, severe ones, including arson, when she doesn’t get what she wants.
Her parents no longer want custody of her, and the social workers caring for her have difficulty with her behavior. Jessie goes from foster home to foster home until she is finally diagnosed with attachment disorder. It was determined that she never formed a secure bond with an adult, and this is what was causing all her behaviors.
Torey Hayden is asked to help her as a volunteer. Living in Wales now instead of the US, Torey can no longer work in the same capacity with children as she has been trained to do. In just one hour a week spent with Jessie, she is able to connect with her.
Overall, I enjoyed the story and learning more about Jessie. Apparently, Torey Hayden is well known for these types of books, especially from when she worked as a special education teacher, and I am definitely interested in reading more stories from her.
I received a complimentary copy. All opinions are my own.
Many of my reviews can also be found on my blog: www.jennifertarheelreader.com
Jessie is nine years old. She’s talented with art, especially drawing. She’s also known to throw tantrums, severe ones, including arson, when she doesn’t get what she wants.
Her parents no longer want custody of her, and the social workers caring for her have difficulty with her behavior. Jessie goes from foster home to foster home until she is finally diagnosed with attachment disorder. It was determined that she never formed a secure bond with an adult, and this is what was causing all her behaviors.
Torey Hayden is asked to help her as a volunteer. Living in Wales now instead of the US, Torey can no longer work in the same capacity with children as she has been trained to do. In just one hour a week spent with Jessie, she is able to connect with her.
Overall, I enjoyed the story and learning more about Jessie. Apparently, Torey Hayden is well known for these types of books, especially from when she worked as a special education teacher, and I am definitely interested in reading more stories from her.
I received a complimentary copy. All opinions are my own.
Many of my reviews can also be found on my blog: www.jennifertarheelreader.com
October 13, 2019
I dare you not to feel something for Jessie and her story. I was so fascinated by Jessie's story that I read this book in two days. The deeper that I got into Jessie's story; my heart broker for her. However at the same time I was memorized by the big stories that she told Torey.
Jessie's story tugged at my heart. Her story was filled with abuse. She just wanted someone to love her. Torey helped Jessie to find her voice. As Torey shows it the journey is a long one filled with tons of patience, an open mind, care, love, and knowing the ultimate goal is to find a "forever home".
There were times when I was shocked by Jessie's behavior and the stories she told but as I learned more abut her "true" story; I understood better why she acted the way she did. This book is worth your time to read.
Jessie's story tugged at my heart. Her story was filled with abuse. She just wanted someone to love her. Torey helped Jessie to find her voice. As Torey shows it the journey is a long one filled with tons of patience, an open mind, care, love, and knowing the ultimate goal is to find a "forever home".
There were times when I was shocked by Jessie's behavior and the stories she told but as I learned more abut her "true" story; I understood better why she acted the way she did. This book is worth your time to read.
September 19, 2021
Torey Hayden’s latest difficult case, Jessie, a girl with reactive attachment disorder (RAD) challenges her abilities as a therapist. Jessie’s symptoms include perpetual lying, everything from what foods she enjoys to having a brother. She lies to get out of trouble and to get others in trouble. Additionally, Jessie’s manipulative behavior includes inappropriate touching if others.
I admired Torey’s ability to empathize, and care about this truly unlikable child. Her unending patience is remarkable. Consequently, Hayden didn’t do a good job of setting boundaries and she rewarded maladaptive behavior, which probably put her at odds with the staff at the group home.
As a child psychologist, I cringed at some of Hayden’s practices and interventions, though I knew they came from a place of caring. Jessie’s story is fascinating and aside from wanting to ask Torey what she was thinking, LOST CHILD was an enjoyable read. If Hayden’s practices were simply unorthodox I be less bothered, but some of what she did bordered on malpractice. For example, when the cops tell you not to question a child about abuse allegations because doing so could taint the witness, you listen. If the child brings up the abuse, you listen without prodding for more information and you cannot be the investigator, no matter how much you believe a certain scenario. No therapist wants a child molester going free because the defense convinces the jury you led the witness. Children who will testify to abuse often see specialized therapists who are trained for these purposes. Hayden wrote she shouldn’t lead questions in a certain way, yet fails to heed warning.
LOST CHILD, while a fascinating case study, was ultimately a frustrating read.
I admired Torey’s ability to empathize, and care about this truly unlikable child. Her unending patience is remarkable. Consequently, Hayden didn’t do a good job of setting boundaries and she rewarded maladaptive behavior, which probably put her at odds with the staff at the group home.
As a child psychologist, I cringed at some of Hayden’s practices and interventions, though I knew they came from a place of caring. Jessie’s story is fascinating and aside from wanting to ask Torey what she was thinking, LOST CHILD was an enjoyable read. If Hayden’s practices were simply unorthodox I be less bothered, but some of what she did bordered on malpractice. For example, when the cops tell you not to question a child about abuse allegations because doing so could taint the witness, you listen. If the child brings up the abuse, you listen without prodding for more information and you cannot be the investigator, no matter how much you believe a certain scenario. No therapist wants a child molester going free because the defense convinces the jury you led the witness. Children who will testify to abuse often see specialized therapists who are trained for these purposes. Hayden wrote she shouldn’t lead questions in a certain way, yet fails to heed warning.
LOST CHILD, while a fascinating case study, was ultimately a frustrating read.
May 30, 2020
This book broke my heart a bajillion times.
I don't know much about Hayden, but I can tell that she's learned, experienced, and an absolute saint for investing in this child voluntarily...
There are so many children like this on varying spectrums of trauma. I grew up super well-behaved and under Asian discipline. I first started teaching at a No-Excuses Type school. I was involved in a really conservative fundamental church for a good part of my early adulthood.
But over time, you start to realize, even with all that, that there are things that can break a child and what you need to do is listen and give time.
I enjoyed listening to Hayden's consistency in mirroring and not taking offense. I could see myself baiting or being baited, losing my patience or emphasizing something for the sake of rules. But how do I think beyond that. How do you grow the discernment to realize where it's a power play or where it's not a binary decision but there's a third choice. How do you respond without judgement so the child feels safe enough to be honest?
I love how she doesn't place the burden of a "should" on this child. Also, I am just so burdened by... what adults do to children.
The neglect, the exposure to danger.
And then the fire such a child can light. Can we clearly say it is just her fault? More and more my conscience can't just go full black and white.
It's the true - the ones who are most exasperating are the ones who are most hurting. It's hard.
I don't know much about Hayden, but I can tell that she's learned, experienced, and an absolute saint for investing in this child voluntarily...
There are so many children like this on varying spectrums of trauma. I grew up super well-behaved and under Asian discipline. I first started teaching at a No-Excuses Type school. I was involved in a really conservative fundamental church for a good part of my early adulthood.
But over time, you start to realize, even with all that, that there are things that can break a child and what you need to do is listen and give time.
I enjoyed listening to Hayden's consistency in mirroring and not taking offense. I could see myself baiting or being baited, losing my patience or emphasizing something for the sake of rules. But how do I think beyond that. How do you grow the discernment to realize where it's a power play or where it's not a binary decision but there's a third choice. How do you respond without judgement so the child feels safe enough to be honest?
I love how she doesn't place the burden of a "should" on this child. Also, I am just so burdened by... what adults do to children.
The neglect, the exposure to danger.
And then the fire such a child can light. Can we clearly say it is just her fault? More and more my conscience can't just go full black and white.
It's the true - the ones who are most exasperating are the ones who are most hurting. It's hard.
October 30, 2020
Tykkäsin, kuten olen tykännyt muistakin hänen kirjoistaan! Tässä oli erityisen kiinnostavaa historia-aspekti siihen, miten eri aikoina lapsia on ollut soveliasta koskettaa. Lapsen seksuaalinen hyväksikäyttö oli tässä tosi kiinnostava näkökulma.
September 26, 2021
4 Stars for another interesting non fictional novel by Torey L. Hayden. Her stories about troubled children are always heart mowing, great books to enjoy.
Read September 26, 2021.
Read September 26, 2021.
June 8, 2020
Tässä kirjassa oli hämmentävän ohuet sivut, joten näennäisesti kirja vaikutti ohuelta, mutta todellisuudessa kätki sisäänsä 300 sivuisen tarinan tytöstä, jonka ongelmallinen käytös on vienyt hänet sijaiskodista sijaiskotiin. Jessie on vasta 9-vuotias mutta mestarillinen valehtelija ja manipuloija, kaikenlisäksi hänellä on historiaa tuhopoltosta. Pitkän ammatillisen uran haastavien ja ongelmallisten lasten kanssa tehnyt Torey Hayden saapuu apuun, hänen tehtävänään on auttaa Jessietä ongelmallisen käytöksen kanssa sekä avata menneisyyden solmuja.
Haydenin autofiktiiviset tarinat hänen tekemästään terapia työstä ovat aina vaikuttavia. Niin oli myös Satutettu lapsi. Sydäntäsärkevää luettavaa, on aina kamalaa, kun lasta laiminlyödään tai kohdellaan kaltoin. Onneksi tämä tarina ei ole kuitenkaan täysin lohduton.
July 23, 2020
Taattua Haydenia. Mielenkiintoinen tarina tytöstä, ongelmista ja terapeutista. Pidin valtavan paljon myös kirjoitustyylistä joka on ammattimaista mutta kuitenkin helposti ymmärrettävää. Vaikkei sitä ehkä kirjasta käy ilmi, tiedän omasta kokemuksesta miten vaikeaa ammattilaisena on saada lapsi avautumaan oli kyseessä sitten miten iso tai pieni ongelma. Se vaatii pitkää prosessia, paljon ammattitaitoa ja ihmisen lukukykyä sekä kärsivällisyyttä ennen kuin lapsi luottaa aikuiseen siinä määrin että pystyy avautumaan. En edes tiedä onko Haydenin kirjat miten paljon faktaa ja miten paljon fiktiota mutta sillä ei ole väliä, tarina voisi hyvinkin olla totta ja näistä on mielenkiintoista lukea vaikka ovatkin vaikeita asioita. Pidän kaikesta psykologiaan ja käyttäytymiseen liittyvästä (kirjallisuudesta). Suosittelen!
March 8, 2022
Mengangkat tema tentang psikologi anak terutama tentang anak berkebutuhan khusus yang di dalamnya juga membahas mengenai tentang bagaimana cara menangani suatu tindakan yang dilaukakn anak dan bagaimana membuat sistem pelajaran yang menarik sehingga membuat anak menjadi tertarik dengan hal tersebut.
Untuk alur cerita berisi tentang pertemuan mingguan antara Torey dan Jessie, yang dimana setiap bergulirnya cerita akan mengungkap apakah yang Jessie katakan itu benar atau dia hanya berbohong.
Bahasa yang digunakan juga ringan dan mudah dipahami (Meskipun dibeberapa tulisan terdapat istilah yang kurang saya mengerti).
Untuk alur cerita berisi tentang pertemuan mingguan antara Torey dan Jessie, yang dimana setiap bergulirnya cerita akan mengungkap apakah yang Jessie katakan itu benar atau dia hanya berbohong.
Bahasa yang digunakan juga ringan dan mudah dipahami (Meskipun dibeberapa tulisan terdapat istilah yang kurang saya mengerti).
May 7, 2023
En otroligt gripande skildring från författarinnas arbete med utsatt barn. Jessie som ständigt ljuger i sin tillvaro, sätter de vuxna runt omkring henne i oro. När Torey Hayden länge har försökt att få Jessie att öppna upp sker ständiga förändringar och arbetet förlängs. Men trots omständigheterna och svårigheterna med allt, så är det värt att kämpa för ett barn och deras trygghet.
Något obekväm med de sexuella termerna och ordvalen inom genitals men utöver det var det intressant, från ett psykologiskt perspektiv.
Något obekväm med de sexuella termerna och ordvalen inom genitals men utöver det var det intressant, från ett psykologiskt perspektiv.
November 9, 2020
Tämä oli ensimmäinen lukemani Haydenin teos, vaikka ne ovat olleet lukulistallani jo vuosia. Pidinkin tästä erittäin paljon! Minua on varoiteltu, että Haydenin kirjat ovat ahdistavia, mutta tämä osoittautuikin lopulta hyvin kevyeksi luettavaksi. Vaikka aihe olikin hieman raskaampi, oli teoksessa kevyt ja ajoittain humoristinenkin ote.
Miinuspuoli oli äänikirjaa kuunnellessa lukija. Minttu Mustakallio haukkoi henkeä kovaäänisesti virkkeiden välillä, piti outoja taukoja kesken lauseiden ja lisäksi kuulosti siltä kuin olisi jauhanut purkkaa koko lukemisen ajan. Kuunteleminen olikin varsin epämukavaa.
Miinuspuoli oli äänikirjaa kuunnellessa lukija. Minttu Mustakallio haukkoi henkeä kovaäänisesti virkkeiden välillä, piti outoja taukoja kesken lauseiden ja lisäksi kuulosti siltä kuin olisi jauhanut purkkaa koko lukemisen ajan. Kuunteleminen olikin varsin epämukavaa.
March 10, 2020
Miten auttaa lasta joka jo manipuloi sujuvasti ympärillään olevia aikuisia eikä luota enää kehenkään? Siihen Hayden yrittää vastata. Toivottomuus ahdisti. Toivon pilkahduksia jotka eivät tunnu riittävän.
June 26, 2020
Olen aina pitänyt Torey Haydenin kirjoista eikä tämäkään pettänyt odotuksia. Karu kertomus kuinka pahoja asioita tapahtuu ja kuinka ammattilaiset turhautuvat byrokratian kourissa. Jessien tarina oli surullinen, mutta toisaalta loi toivoa paremmasta. Voin suositella.
October 15, 2019
Lost child is written by psychologist, Torey Hayden, about her relationship with a 10 year-old girl named Jessie. Jessie has been placed in a facility for children who are too difficult to handle in a traditional foster home. Jessie is the fourth child to parents who were in their 50s and not wanting any more children. When Jessie starts lighting fires and torturing animals, her parents decide that they cannot care for her any longer.
Torey steps in as an psychologist determined to figure out where Jessie's issues originate. Torey is also hoping that Jessie can either be returned to her family or be placed in a mainstream foster home. Jessie is a chronic liar and has fits of violence. Jessie's constant and convincing lying becomes a bigger issue when she accuses a male staff member of inappropriate behavior. Is she lying or has she become a victim?
Lost Child is a quick non-fiction read. Jessie's story takes place in Wales, but Torey was a practicing psychologist in the US before moving to the UK. I appreciated Torey pointing out the differences in care between the US and the UK.
Torey steps in as an psychologist determined to figure out where Jessie's issues originate. Torey is also hoping that Jessie can either be returned to her family or be placed in a mainstream foster home. Jessie is a chronic liar and has fits of violence. Jessie's constant and convincing lying becomes a bigger issue when she accuses a male staff member of inappropriate behavior. Is she lying or has she become a victim?
Lost Child is a quick non-fiction read. Jessie's story takes place in Wales, but Torey was a practicing psychologist in the US before moving to the UK. I appreciated Torey pointing out the differences in care between the US and the UK.
September 26, 2019
After waiting fifteen years for another one of her books, I wasn't disappointed. No, it wasn't exactly like her other books that took place in classroom settings. But her style has stayed much the same, and her ability to pull the reader into the setting with therapist and child is amazing. I used to devour her books in one sitting, but I took my time with this one, knowing there wasn't another one waiting for me.
I missed the level of detail that's present in her other books, but given the situation in this one (she only saw the child once a week and even then, not every week, with gaps in-between) I think we clearly got as much detail as we could. The relationship between Torey and the child obviously can't be the same as it would be with children she saw every day for hours and hours for a whole school year.
Gifted teacher, gifted therapist, gifted writer. Thanks for another wonderful book!
I missed the level of detail that's present in her other books, but given the situation in this one (she only saw the child once a week and even then, not every week, with gaps in-between) I think we clearly got as much detail as we could. The relationship between Torey and the child obviously can't be the same as it would be with children she saw every day for hours and hours for a whole school year.
Gifted teacher, gifted therapist, gifted writer. Thanks for another wonderful book!
October 2, 2019
I have read many of Torey Hayden's books about her career working with troubled children. I was pleased to find she has just written a new book. "Lost Child, The true Story of a Girl Who Couldn't Ask for Help" is her newest book. She had moved out of the USA to Wales. She worked as a therapist. She is assigned to work with a nine year old girls named "Jessie" She is a very troubled child who is no longer living with her parents and is in foster care. Jessie is an angry child who is known for lying about everything. It is hard to determine if she is telling the truth or lying again. When Jessie makes accusations against a male colleague, A man Torey trusts. She has to work hard with Jessie to find out what is going on with this child to make the accusations. Torey Hayden shows patience and caring to help this very troubled girl.
May 24, 2021
I always enjoy these books. It’s comforting to know that sometimes, children who’ve been through it actually get the help they need to be successful.
Jessie is currently living in a group home as she is no longer able to live with her family. Torey is charged with attempting to help her get to the point where she can return home or, failing that, be suitable for a foster placement. All this in a system that’s breaking under the weight of all the children that need help, poor staffing levels and programs, and underfunding.
I didn’t enjoy Jessie so much in the beginning. She sounded like such a difficult child to like, particularly with her need to be in control. However, as her history started coming out, you could see how events conspired against her and how she ended up in this position. The epilogue definitely had me welling up a little - I’m a sucker for a happy ending!
CW: child abuse
Jessie is currently living in a group home as she is no longer able to live with her family. Torey is charged with attempting to help her get to the point where she can return home or, failing that, be suitable for a foster placement. All this in a system that’s breaking under the weight of all the children that need help, poor staffing levels and programs, and underfunding.
I didn’t enjoy Jessie so much in the beginning. She sounded like such a difficult child to like, particularly with her need to be in control. However, as her history started coming out, you could see how events conspired against her and how she ended up in this position. The epilogue definitely had me welling up a little - I’m a sucker for a happy ending!
CW: child abuse
August 13, 2023
I’ve read a fair few books by Torey Hayden, and this one didn’t disappoint.
In fact, this time, I got a large insight into the struggles of the volunteers and social workers for children.
Jessie needed so much help, but there was no funding for her. She expressed her emotions in inappropriate ways as she didn’t know how to speak out.
She and Torey had a special relationship, and Torey did all she could to get Jessie the help that she needed.
It is often harrowing to read about the things some children go through, but these books are so necessary to provide insight into the world of child abuse and abandonment.
Great read.
I gave this one ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
In fact, this time, I got a large insight into the struggles of the volunteers and social workers for children.
Jessie needed so much help, but there was no funding for her. She expressed her emotions in inappropriate ways as she didn’t know how to speak out.
She and Torey had a special relationship, and Torey did all she could to get Jessie the help that she needed.
It is often harrowing to read about the things some children go through, but these books are so necessary to provide insight into the world of child abuse and abandonment.
Great read.
I gave this one ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
August 12, 2019
3.5 stars; I'm rounding up. Torey Hayden published several books many years ago about her experiences as a special education teacher with a classroom full of kids whose needs ran the gamut: elective mutism, autism, emotionally disturbed, and even one girl who landed in Torey's class because she was a pregnant pre-teen. I loved those books, and reading this one makes me want to go back and read her other books again.
But her last book was published 15 years ago. I was surprised and delighted to see a new book come out with Torey Hayden's name on it. This one is different: Torey has left the classroom (and the USA) behind and started a new life with her husband and young daughter in Wales. She's unable to work due to visa constraints, but she can still volunteer. So she starts spending an hour a week with Jessie, a 9-year-old girl who had ended up in a group home after her family said they didn't want her living with them anymore. Jessie is a compulsive liar and an arsonist, and she's showing signs of being a sociopath. But after some hard work, she starts to soften towards Torey.
The book was good--I liked it. But I missed the classroom: the comaraderie, the drama, the interactions, and the immediacy. Torey used to spend hours each day with the kids she wrote about, but she only spent an hour a week with Jessie--and even then, she didn't see Jessie whenever she was away in a foster home placement. I'm glad Torey Hayden is writing again and long may it continue, but this wasn't one of my favourites of hers.
But her last book was published 15 years ago. I was surprised and delighted to see a new book come out with Torey Hayden's name on it. This one is different: Torey has left the classroom (and the USA) behind and started a new life with her husband and young daughter in Wales. She's unable to work due to visa constraints, but she can still volunteer. So she starts spending an hour a week with Jessie, a 9-year-old girl who had ended up in a group home after her family said they didn't want her living with them anymore. Jessie is a compulsive liar and an arsonist, and she's showing signs of being a sociopath. But after some hard work, she starts to soften towards Torey.
The book was good--I liked it. But I missed the classroom: the comaraderie, the drama, the interactions, and the immediacy. Torey used to spend hours each day with the kids she wrote about, but she only spent an hour a week with Jessie--and even then, she didn't see Jessie whenever she was away in a foster home placement. I'm glad Torey Hayden is writing again and long may it continue, but this wasn't one of my favourites of hers.
May 4, 2020
Äänikirjana kuunneltu huhtikuun lenkeillä.
August 31, 2022
The amazing thing about Torey’s writing is that despite how challenging the kids she work with can be, you can’t help but love them! And I think it’s because Torey truly loves and cares for them that we see the beauty of the children through her eyes. The same goes to Jessie’s journey/story, it’s heartening that the social services & Torey did what they could do for her, after having gone through what kids should never have been made to go through.
March 16, 2020
Olen lukenut kaikki suomennetut Haydenit ja tartuin tähänkin käytännössä sillä hetkellä, kun bongasin Instagramista sen ilmestyneen. Haydenilla on poikkeuksellinen kyky kirjoittaa todella riipaisevia tarinoita, joiden vetovoima perustuu tietysti paitsi kerronnallisiin lahjoihin, myös tosipohjaisuuteen ja kirjoittajan ammatilliseen kokemukseen työskentelystä kovia kokeneiden lasten parissa. Tämäkin teos oli yhtä aikaa pohjattoman lohduton ja valtavan lohdullinen. Hayden kirjoittaa lapsistaan rehellisesti ja kunnioittaen, eikä Jessien tarina voi millään jättää ketään kylmäksi.
August 5, 2025
Bukunya lumayan berat dan banyak membahas aspek psikologis. Kita diajak bersama penulis untuk ikut bingung, kesel, tapi juga sekaligus empati dengan jessie.
Anomali banget si jessie ini, tapi buku ini bisa memberikan pemahaman dibalik tingkah laku nya yang menyebalkan.
Anomali banget si jessie ini, tapi buku ini bisa memberikan pemahaman dibalik tingkah laku nya yang menyebalkan.
August 9, 2021
Wonderful, hopeful story!
Torey Hayden has been one of my all time favorite authors - easily in my top 5 or 10 favorite authors- since she started writing.
I have devoured every book several times over. She's in a completely different class than any other author who writes about abused children.
I will use this space to BEG. TO BEG TOREY HAYDEN TO PLEASE WRITE MORE BOOKS!
I'm soooo glad she has started writing again! There was a long, long stretch when she didn't write. I get that. I'm a NY Times and internationally bestselling author myself and I haven't written a new book in 13 years.
I get that it's hard to decide if a story is worth writing a book about - I also write nonfiction.
But truly, truly, any child she writes about she brings into full focus, and her empathy comes across so well, she brings humanity and lessons in empathy to the reader in every book.
Her books are her legacy, as much as her personal triumphs with children are. Every book is a treasure because of the depth of hope she brings, even to situations that seem impossible. Human beings who seem impossible.
She reminds me that almost no one is beyond salvage, unless they're psychopathic and truly evil, without conscience.
She shows that even those who seem to be impossible to reach can be reached! She has proven this over and over again. I've been reading her books for decades l, and I do think that they have had a huge impact on my own thinking and my own ability to empathize and see that people can be reached and can be loved in most cases.
There really IS hope for even the most messed up of us all, if we are willing to allow ourselves to get therapy, to find goodness and good people, to educate ourselves and seek truth, to heal, to grow, and to give.
She's not sappy. She's thoughtful and practical and seems quite honest about her own foibles and doubts, but she persists, and it pays off.
Please write more books, Torey Hayden! They're some of the very best books out there!
Torey Hayden has been one of my all time favorite authors - easily in my top 5 or 10 favorite authors- since she started writing.
I have devoured every book several times over. She's in a completely different class than any other author who writes about abused children.
I will use this space to BEG. TO BEG TOREY HAYDEN TO PLEASE WRITE MORE BOOKS!
I'm soooo glad she has started writing again! There was a long, long stretch when she didn't write. I get that. I'm a NY Times and internationally bestselling author myself and I haven't written a new book in 13 years.
I get that it's hard to decide if a story is worth writing a book about - I also write nonfiction.
But truly, truly, any child she writes about she brings into full focus, and her empathy comes across so well, she brings humanity and lessons in empathy to the reader in every book.
Her books are her legacy, as much as her personal triumphs with children are. Every book is a treasure because of the depth of hope she brings, even to situations that seem impossible. Human beings who seem impossible.
She reminds me that almost no one is beyond salvage, unless they're psychopathic and truly evil, without conscience.
She shows that even those who seem to be impossible to reach can be reached! She has proven this over and over again. I've been reading her books for decades l, and I do think that they have had a huge impact on my own thinking and my own ability to empathize and see that people can be reached and can be loved in most cases.
There really IS hope for even the most messed up of us all, if we are willing to allow ourselves to get therapy, to find goodness and good people, to educate ourselves and seek truth, to heal, to grow, and to give.
She's not sappy. She's thoughtful and practical and seems quite honest about her own foibles and doubts, but she persists, and it pays off.
Please write more books, Torey Hayden! They're some of the very best books out there!
May 3, 2022
Ho letto la storia di Jessie dopo la storia di Cassandra e Drake in Bambini del silenzio, sempre della Hayden che mi aveva travolto emotivamente, questo invece mi ha coinvolto meno ma l'ho cmq molto apprezzato.
Jessie è davvero una bambina con diverse problematiche e traumi. La pazienza e la perseveranza di Torey danno anche questa volta dei risultati, e direi più che ottimi.
In questo romanzo troviamo molte riflessioni di Torey, che ho apprezzato molto, sia sul sistema inglese dell'assistenza ai bambini sia sulla sua esperienza in America.
Jessie è davvero una bambina con diverse problematiche e traumi. La pazienza e la perseveranza di Torey danno anche questa volta dei risultati, e direi più che ottimi.
In questo romanzo troviamo molte riflessioni di Torey, che ho apprezzato molto, sia sul sistema inglese dell'assistenza ai bambini sia sulla sua esperienza in America.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
June 27, 2022
"Terkadang mengarang cerita adalah cara untuk membicarakan hal-hal sulit. Terkadang, ketika kita tidak bisa mengucapkan segalanya secara langsung, kita bisa melakukannya dalam sebuah cerita."
Jessie, seorang gadis kecil yang mendekam di rumah singgah untuk anak-anak bermasalah. Jessie yakin setan sudah merasukinya ketika masih dikandung sang ibu. Dia percaya itulah penyebab kenakalan dan kepiawaiannya memintal cerita bohong. Itulah mengapa orangtuanya menelantarkannya. Itulah mengapa tidak ada yang menyayanginya.
Torey Hayden, seorang terapis anak bermaksud untuk menangani permasalahan Jessie. Bagaimana perjuangan Torey menguak rahasia-rahasia Jessie? Berhasilkah Torey menyelamatkannya?
Kesan pertama yang saya rasakan ketika baca buku ini yaitu takut. Takut dengan sifat semaunya sendiri Jessie yang suka tiba-tiba ngedeketin Torey dan tingkah laku lainnya yang berani serta berlebihan. Tapi makin kesini kita makin tau kenapa Jessie bisa bersikap seperti itu hingga saya simpati terhadap Jessie.
Topik yang dibahas di buku ini memang berat-berat. Mulai dari bunuh diri, pelecehan, hingga kekerasan seksual. Salut bagaimana Torey bisa bertahan menghadapi Jessie. Kita benar-benar tidak tahu apa yang Jessie katakan itu benar atau hanya omong kosong. Jessie sendiri juga tidak bisa memahami apa yang terjadi pada dirinya.
Jessie, seorang gadis kecil yang mendekam di rumah singgah untuk anak-anak bermasalah. Jessie yakin setan sudah merasukinya ketika masih dikandung sang ibu. Dia percaya itulah penyebab kenakalan dan kepiawaiannya memintal cerita bohong. Itulah mengapa orangtuanya menelantarkannya. Itulah mengapa tidak ada yang menyayanginya.
Torey Hayden, seorang terapis anak bermaksud untuk menangani permasalahan Jessie. Bagaimana perjuangan Torey menguak rahasia-rahasia Jessie? Berhasilkah Torey menyelamatkannya?
Kesan pertama yang saya rasakan ketika baca buku ini yaitu takut. Takut dengan sifat semaunya sendiri Jessie yang suka tiba-tiba ngedeketin Torey dan tingkah laku lainnya yang berani serta berlebihan. Tapi makin kesini kita makin tau kenapa Jessie bisa bersikap seperti itu hingga saya simpati terhadap Jessie.
Topik yang dibahas di buku ini memang berat-berat. Mulai dari bunuh diri, pelecehan, hingga kekerasan seksual. Salut bagaimana Torey bisa bertahan menghadapi Jessie. Kita benar-benar tidak tahu apa yang Jessie katakan itu benar atau hanya omong kosong. Jessie sendiri juga tidak bisa memahami apa yang terjadi pada dirinya.
October 31, 2019
I'll start by saying that I have not read any of Torey Hayden's other books about her time as a special education teacher. I am also not a psychologist. I know that this is a recounting of her own experience and keeping that in mind, I thought this was an interesting read. The story of Jesse was so heartbreaking and I was definitely riveted by her story. It was so sad to see that this child was neglected for so long.
However, I'm not sure that I agreed with the way the investigation or therapy was handled. I could see where mistakes were made by multiple people. Hindsight being what it is, I wonder if this child could have had help a lot sooner that she did. Repeatedly, we are told by the author that she was not experienced in sexual abuse cases, but she was allowed to continue to hold sessions with Jesse after her accusation. She also pointed out that she was not supposed to bring up Joseph, but she repeatedly brought up his name and asked what I felt were leading questions. I mean, it ultimately did help the truth to come out. I wish we could have seen more of the outside investigation and the perspectives of the social worker and police. It might have given me a more rounded view of how everything went down.
I should warn that there is very explicit language and descriptions of abuse in this book. So, that may steer some people away. I think it's worth picking up. If only to gain insight into how neglect and abuse can shape a child's behavior. I was glad she included an epilogue. It was nice closure for the reader.
However, I'm not sure that I agreed with the way the investigation or therapy was handled. I could see where mistakes were made by multiple people. Hindsight being what it is, I wonder if this child could have had help a lot sooner that she did. Repeatedly, we are told by the author that she was not experienced in sexual abuse cases, but she was allowed to continue to hold sessions with Jesse after her accusation. She also pointed out that she was not supposed to bring up Joseph, but she repeatedly brought up his name and asked what I felt were leading questions. I mean, it ultimately did help the truth to come out. I wish we could have seen more of the outside investigation and the perspectives of the social worker and police. It might have given me a more rounded view of how everything went down.
I should warn that there is very explicit language and descriptions of abuse in this book. So, that may steer some people away. I think it's worth picking up. If only to gain insight into how neglect and abuse can shape a child's behavior. I was glad she included an epilogue. It was nice closure for the reader.
March 18, 2023
"Bocil emang masalahnya seberat apa sih orang SD mah isinya main aja."
Dikutip dari buku ini, tenaga kesehatan Amerika dulu pernah beranggapan kalo masa anak tuh masa yang riang, polos jadi gak mungkin kena penyakit mental.
Padahal ya enggak. Anak juga bisa kena penyakit mental. Kayak yang dihadapi Jessie di buku ini, dia umur 9 tahun dan punya gangguan kelekatan reaktif yang buat dia susah deket sama orang. Dia orang yang manipulatif, suka buat onar dan ngebohong demi pertahanan dirinya.
Buku ini ditulis sama psikolog atau terapis Torey Hayden, nulis perjalanannya jadi volunteer lembaga amal kota Wales untuk nolong Jessie. Perjalanannya berat banget ditambah penulisnya gak dibayar seberapa dan dari Jessienya juga susah untuk percaya ke orang lain. Tapi salut banget sama Torey yang tetep sabar dan tulus banget sama pekerjaannya.
Menurut aku ini tuh kayak memoar tentang pengalaman dia nanganin anak yang punya penyakit mental selain itu juga ada pembahasan tipis-tipis tentang perkembangan ilmu kesehatan mental anak.
Tulisannya page turner banget jadi 400+ halaman gak kerasa tau-tau udah beres. Ditambah aku kepo juga sama isu kesehatan mental anak jadi seru bacanya. Kadang-kadang pas baca dibikin ikut frustasi kalo Jessie mulai manipulatif dan pengen kontrol segalanya, tapi kadang kesian juga sama dia yang harus ngalamin hal-hal buruk sejak dini. She doesn't deserved it.
Dikutip dari buku ini, tenaga kesehatan Amerika dulu pernah beranggapan kalo masa anak tuh masa yang riang, polos jadi gak mungkin kena penyakit mental.
Padahal ya enggak. Anak juga bisa kena penyakit mental. Kayak yang dihadapi Jessie di buku ini, dia umur 9 tahun dan punya gangguan kelekatan reaktif yang buat dia susah deket sama orang. Dia orang yang manipulatif, suka buat onar dan ngebohong demi pertahanan dirinya.
Buku ini ditulis sama psikolog atau terapis Torey Hayden, nulis perjalanannya jadi volunteer lembaga amal kota Wales untuk nolong Jessie. Perjalanannya berat banget ditambah penulisnya gak dibayar seberapa dan dari Jessienya juga susah untuk percaya ke orang lain. Tapi salut banget sama Torey yang tetep sabar dan tulus banget sama pekerjaannya.
Menurut aku ini tuh kayak memoar tentang pengalaman dia nanganin anak yang punya penyakit mental selain itu juga ada pembahasan tipis-tipis tentang perkembangan ilmu kesehatan mental anak.
Tulisannya page turner banget jadi 400+ halaman gak kerasa tau-tau udah beres. Ditambah aku kepo juga sama isu kesehatan mental anak jadi seru bacanya. Kadang-kadang pas baca dibikin ikut frustasi kalo Jessie mulai manipulatif dan pengen kontrol segalanya, tapi kadang kesian juga sama dia yang harus ngalamin hal-hal buruk sejak dini. She doesn't deserved it.
May 28, 2020
Certi libri toccano profondamente e, nel mio caso, Una bambina perduta è andata a sollecitare il mio ambito lavorativo, stimolando riflessioni dolci-amare sul mondo della cura dei disturbi psichiatri dell'infanzia e dell'adolescenza.
L'autrice, Torey L. Hayden, è una psicologa infantile specializzata in educazione speciale e i suoi libri sono frutto della sua esperienza clinica ed educativa. Una completa immersione in quelli che sono stati casi di cui si è occupata e che hanno lasciato il segno tanto da spingerla a metterli nero su bianco.
Una bambina perduta è la storia della piccola Jessie, una bambina di nove anni con una problematica comportamentale importante che si rivelerà essere l'unico mezzo conosciuto per chiedere aiuto. Dopo essere entrata nel circuito degli affidi, Jessie finisce in una casa famiglia e lì incontra la Dott.ssa Hayden, la quale avrà l'arduo compito di decidere quando, e se, la bambina sarà in grado di fare ritorno presso la sua famiglia di origine.
Jessie è un caso difficile che tocca il cuore non solo della Hayden, ma anche del lettore.
Intelligente e manipolativa, Jessie ha dato parecchi problemi con il suo comportamento distruttivo, con atti incendiari, continue bugie e aggressioni a coetanei. La bambina era così ingestibile da sfinire la sua famiglia che chiede aiuto ai servizi sociali. Sembra terribile l'idea che la tua famiglia lasci che i servizi sociali ti portino via.
La diagnosi è quella di Disturbo Reattivo dell'Attaccamento, anche se dalla descrizione aneddotica e anamnestica di Jessie mi è apparso più come un quadro misto in comorbilità con il Disturbo da Impegno Sociale Disinibito. E i sintomi in effetti ci sono tutti: la condizione di esternalizzazione dei comportamenti sia fisici che verbali, l'approccio eccessivamente familiari e privo di inibizione con gli adulti estranei.
Questi sono bambini che manifestano una marcata felicità ad entrare in contatto con gli estranei, aspetto che, invece, può essere del tutto assente nei confronti dei caregivers. Quando gli sconosciuti rifiutano le loro emozioni e la loro ricerca di attenzione iniziano a manifestare elevati livelli di ansia e frustrazione. Jessie infatti ha comportamenti inappropriati col la Hayden e non presenta rimorso, colpa o dispiacere quando ferisce qualcuno o quando compie un atto pericoloso.
Anche l'eziologia quadra perfettamente con le descrizioni che la Hayden fa dei genitori di Jessie, una bambina arrivata inaspettatamente e non desiderata, la cui madre depressa si è praticamente disinteressata della sua crescita, mentre un padre liberale non ha imposto nessuna forma di educazione. Il comportamento disinibito, infatti, si instaura perché i bambini, dal momento che le figure di accudimento non soddisfano i loro bisogni emotivi, iniziano a cercare con modalità amicale ed eccessivamente familiare, altri che possano farlo.
E così ci viene presentata Jessie, una bambina complessa da inquadrare, furba e con la tendenza a prendere il controllo di ogni colloquio. Un caso che mette alla prova la Hayden e la spinge a fare delle profonde riflessioni sul sistema sociale del sostegno all'infanzia, sulla facilità con cui si interpretano i bambini alla luce di un'etichetta, riducendo una realtà complessa ad un elenco di criteri diagnostici.
Eppure dietro i comportamenti di quella bambina c'è di più, un mondo sommerso a cui non è in grado di dare voce e ha bisogno di essere rivelato.
« È un po’ quello che faccio con l’allodola » disse, tranquilla. « Me l’avevi chiesto l’altra volta, e non ho saputo spiegare. Ma in pratica è così. Come se l’allodola fosse il dieci, e io volessi vedere come si sta quando si è felici. Perché lei lo è. E, quando la disegno, è come se avessi modo di capire che cosa si prova. »
Il sospetto dell'abuso come causa scatenante del comportamento ingestibile della bambina comincia a prendere forma dai colloqui tra la Hayden e Jessie. Un vero uragano che si abbatte all'interno dello staff clinico ed educativo. Ma si può credere a una bambina che come peculiarità distintiva ha la capacità di mentire sistematicamente, manipolando la realtà a proprio piacimento?
Una lettura che è stato un viaggio doloroso attraverso la scoperta di una verità scomoda. Non è una storia per tutti perchè va a toccare temi sensibili e spinosi. Ci sono momenti in cui la frustrazione procede di pari passo con la voglia di scoprire la verità, mentre ci sembra sempre di essere in un libo sospeso.
Jessie ha stimolato profondamente il mio lato empatico. La sua storia mi ha permesso di viaggiare attraverso anni di pratica clinica ed educativa, ricordandomi con quale entusiasmo mi sono lanciata in questo mondo fragile e delicato.
L'idea che qualcuno possa fare del male a dei bambini o che questi soffrano di patologie complesse come gli adulti, sembra un'idea inconcepibile, eppure è reale e straziante.
Le riflessioni della Hayden ci conducono attraverso un breve excursus sulla storia dell'evoluzione diagnostica e la trattazione clinica dei disturbi mentali nell'infanzia e la profonda differenza tra il sistema sanitario americano e quello inglese. Quello che si è creato è un rapporto incestuoso tra clinica, farmaceutica e assicurazioni il quale invadere l'universo a sostegno del disagio infantile.
Intenso, empatico, travolgente, Una bambina perduta è libro da leggere se si vuole fare un tuffo nella realtà di un mondo spesso considerato scontato. L'infanzia non è necessariamente cura, accudimento, felicità, spensieratezza. Per moltissimi bambini l'età più bella si trasforma nell'incubo più brutto. Sta a noi adulti scoprire i carnefici e lavorare duramente per riportare l'infanzia alla dimensione del sogno e dell'innocenza, con il cuore sgombro da ogni pregiudizio.
https://ariaswild.blogspot.com/2020/0...
L'autrice, Torey L. Hayden, è una psicologa infantile specializzata in educazione speciale e i suoi libri sono frutto della sua esperienza clinica ed educativa. Una completa immersione in quelli che sono stati casi di cui si è occupata e che hanno lasciato il segno tanto da spingerla a metterli nero su bianco.
Una bambina perduta è la storia della piccola Jessie, una bambina di nove anni con una problematica comportamentale importante che si rivelerà essere l'unico mezzo conosciuto per chiedere aiuto. Dopo essere entrata nel circuito degli affidi, Jessie finisce in una casa famiglia e lì incontra la Dott.ssa Hayden, la quale avrà l'arduo compito di decidere quando, e se, la bambina sarà in grado di fare ritorno presso la sua famiglia di origine.
Jessie è un caso difficile che tocca il cuore non solo della Hayden, ma anche del lettore.
Intelligente e manipolativa, Jessie ha dato parecchi problemi con il suo comportamento distruttivo, con atti incendiari, continue bugie e aggressioni a coetanei. La bambina era così ingestibile da sfinire la sua famiglia che chiede aiuto ai servizi sociali. Sembra terribile l'idea che la tua famiglia lasci che i servizi sociali ti portino via.
La diagnosi è quella di Disturbo Reattivo dell'Attaccamento, anche se dalla descrizione aneddotica e anamnestica di Jessie mi è apparso più come un quadro misto in comorbilità con il Disturbo da Impegno Sociale Disinibito. E i sintomi in effetti ci sono tutti: la condizione di esternalizzazione dei comportamenti sia fisici che verbali, l'approccio eccessivamente familiari e privo di inibizione con gli adulti estranei.
Questi sono bambini che manifestano una marcata felicità ad entrare in contatto con gli estranei, aspetto che, invece, può essere del tutto assente nei confronti dei caregivers. Quando gli sconosciuti rifiutano le loro emozioni e la loro ricerca di attenzione iniziano a manifestare elevati livelli di ansia e frustrazione. Jessie infatti ha comportamenti inappropriati col la Hayden e non presenta rimorso, colpa o dispiacere quando ferisce qualcuno o quando compie un atto pericoloso.
Anche l'eziologia quadra perfettamente con le descrizioni che la Hayden fa dei genitori di Jessie, una bambina arrivata inaspettatamente e non desiderata, la cui madre depressa si è praticamente disinteressata della sua crescita, mentre un padre liberale non ha imposto nessuna forma di educazione. Il comportamento disinibito, infatti, si instaura perché i bambini, dal momento che le figure di accudimento non soddisfano i loro bisogni emotivi, iniziano a cercare con modalità amicale ed eccessivamente familiare, altri che possano farlo.
E così ci viene presentata Jessie, una bambina complessa da inquadrare, furba e con la tendenza a prendere il controllo di ogni colloquio. Un caso che mette alla prova la Hayden e la spinge a fare delle profonde riflessioni sul sistema sociale del sostegno all'infanzia, sulla facilità con cui si interpretano i bambini alla luce di un'etichetta, riducendo una realtà complessa ad un elenco di criteri diagnostici.
Eppure dietro i comportamenti di quella bambina c'è di più, un mondo sommerso a cui non è in grado di dare voce e ha bisogno di essere rivelato.
« È un po’ quello che faccio con l’allodola » disse, tranquilla. « Me l’avevi chiesto l’altra volta, e non ho saputo spiegare. Ma in pratica è così. Come se l’allodola fosse il dieci, e io volessi vedere come si sta quando si è felici. Perché lei lo è. E, quando la disegno, è come se avessi modo di capire che cosa si prova. »
Il sospetto dell'abuso come causa scatenante del comportamento ingestibile della bambina comincia a prendere forma dai colloqui tra la Hayden e Jessie. Un vero uragano che si abbatte all'interno dello staff clinico ed educativo. Ma si può credere a una bambina che come peculiarità distintiva ha la capacità di mentire sistematicamente, manipolando la realtà a proprio piacimento?
Una lettura che è stato un viaggio doloroso attraverso la scoperta di una verità scomoda. Non è una storia per tutti perchè va a toccare temi sensibili e spinosi. Ci sono momenti in cui la frustrazione procede di pari passo con la voglia di scoprire la verità, mentre ci sembra sempre di essere in un libo sospeso.
Jessie ha stimolato profondamente il mio lato empatico. La sua storia mi ha permesso di viaggiare attraverso anni di pratica clinica ed educativa, ricordandomi con quale entusiasmo mi sono lanciata in questo mondo fragile e delicato.
L'idea che qualcuno possa fare del male a dei bambini o che questi soffrano di patologie complesse come gli adulti, sembra un'idea inconcepibile, eppure è reale e straziante.
Le riflessioni della Hayden ci conducono attraverso un breve excursus sulla storia dell'evoluzione diagnostica e la trattazione clinica dei disturbi mentali nell'infanzia e la profonda differenza tra il sistema sanitario americano e quello inglese. Quello che si è creato è un rapporto incestuoso tra clinica, farmaceutica e assicurazioni il quale invadere l'universo a sostegno del disagio infantile.
Intenso, empatico, travolgente, Una bambina perduta è libro da leggere se si vuole fare un tuffo nella realtà di un mondo spesso considerato scontato. L'infanzia non è necessariamente cura, accudimento, felicità, spensieratezza. Per moltissimi bambini l'età più bella si trasforma nell'incubo più brutto. Sta a noi adulti scoprire i carnefici e lavorare duramente per riportare l'infanzia alla dimensione del sogno e dell'innocenza, con il cuore sgombro da ogni pregiudizio.
https://ariaswild.blogspot.com/2020/0...
July 10, 2021
NON FICTION
This is just heart breaking.
I have always been a fan of Torey Hayden and her non fiction books and have used many of her techniques over the years, both as a professional and as a mother.
Yesterday I copied out the visualisation and practiced it on my ASD daughter. She thought it was wonderful. So it has been added with my other visualisations.
I can't really talk about the book as it will spoilt it for you but if your OK with reading about the sickeningly but reality of child abuse than I recommend it but you do need a strong stomach and a box of tissues.
#nonfictionbooks #childabuseawareness #toreyhayden #lostchild #goodreads📚 #favouritebooks
This is just heart breaking.
I have always been a fan of Torey Hayden and her non fiction books and have used many of her techniques over the years, both as a professional and as a mother.
Yesterday I copied out the visualisation and practiced it on my ASD daughter. She thought it was wonderful. So it has been added with my other visualisations.
I can't really talk about the book as it will spoilt it for you but if your OK with reading about the sickeningly but reality of child abuse than I recommend it but you do need a strong stomach and a box of tissues.
#nonfictionbooks #childabuseawareness #toreyhayden #lostchild #goodreads📚 #favouritebooks
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