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A Wealth of Unsaid Words

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Every Christmas, Alex McAllister visits the family who practically raised him. The Faradays have supported Alex through his struggles with being bipolar. He loves them as he loves nothing else, but this year, his excitement for the holiday has less to do with the family as a whole and more to do with their youngest son, Everett.

Everett is Alex’s best friend and the love of his life, but for years, Alex has been consumed by the idea that he is a burden on the family, and worried that someone as amazing as Everett would never truly want a man constantly on guard against his own mind. But last Christmas, with his career doing well, and his life as stable as it likely will ever be, Alex finally let himself respond to Everett’s open adoration—with one condition. A year without seeing Everett to be sure he can stand on his own without Everett’s ready support. Alex needs to know that he can, for his own sake and for Everett’s, because he has already failed once, and it nearly destroyed them both.

There will never be a time when Alex is perfect. But this is as close as it gets, and he is tired of waiting. This Christmas, all he can hope for is that Everett still wants him, and that he can be brave enough to keep his promise.

77 pages, ebook

First published December 1, 2011

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About the author

R. Cooper

66 books777 followers
I'm a somewhat absentminded, often distracted, writer of queer romance. I'm probably most known for the Being(s) in Love series and the occasional story about witches or firefighters in love. Also known as, "Ah, yes, the one with the dragons."



Find me on social media: https://linktr.ee/thercooper

Or support me on Patreon: @rcoops

Or sign up for my newsletter! It's free and it's barely one a month. :)

Or just visit my website to find everything all in one place and also a few Free Reads: https://www.riscooper.com/

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5 stars
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 79 reviews
Profile Image for ♥Laddie♥ (Lee Lee).
353 reviews121 followers
December 2, 2011
Thank you. Just...thank you.

To say that this story of a bipolar man, the people he loves and the people who love him, resonated with me would be an understatement. When R. Cooper wrote this story she created something so beautiful and poetically, painfully, accurate.

As someone who is bipolar, I understood Alex. The author captured with such clarity the shame that comes with not being able to control yourself. The feelings of self-loathing and unworthiness. The guilt of feeling like a burden. The way that death seems like the only way to free not only yourself but the people you feel would be better off without you.

The most poignant aspect of this story was the way Alex learns to have faith in the fact that he is loved by Everett and his family. This is something that does not come easily. That faith is something that is fought for and for Alex and every bipolar person the battle is quite literally life and death.

The author painted a gorgeous and hopeful portrait of a love and mental illness. Everett's love for Alex was patient and strong. I appreciated the honest way that the author also portrayed the pain that does comes with loving someone who's mentally ill. It's not easy. Everett's pain at having been pushed away romantically time and time again by Alex was visceral and so very real. But what was also real was how Everett loved every part of Alex; the good, the bad, the beautiful and the not-so-beautiful.

The love that Alex had for Everett was just as strong because it was that love that helped Alex strive to be well. He loved Everett enough to face his fear. Alex's fear was that if he took his medication, ridding himself of his mania, that it would rid him of the creativity that was such an integral part of who he was. Alex asked himself the question that so many bipolar people ask themselves: "If I take these pills will I still be me?"

The way this story ended was like a beacon of light to me. It gave me hope. There is always a fear that comes with mental illness, a fear that no one will ever want you because you think you're damaged. This story gave me hope that there is someone for everyone, that there are people out there who can see past the stigma to the beautiful and brilliant people that are deserving of love. There are people out there who know that even though someone may be mentally ill they still have a wealth of love to give in return.

Please, please read this story because it is a story that rarely gets told, and R. Cooper has told it so perfectly, so exquisitely that it had me in tears. To say I recommend would be putting it lightly.



Profile Image for Karen Wellsbury.
822 reviews38 followers
August 19, 2021
I want to stand on my soapbox and tell everyone what a terrific writer R Cooper is. I really enjoyed the first 2 Beings in Love books, but this book was so beautiful it totally floored me.

Its a Christmas themed one, but honestly that doesn't matter, because its about love - love for the family you're born with, the one you make, loving yourself and being a better person for those you love.

Its really a simple story, Alex is a manic depressive, and has loved Everett since he was 12, Alex has been supported and partially raised by Everett's family, and the two guys have been doing a will they, won't they dance for a long time. A year ago Alex decided that he needed some time to deal with his illness and takes a year out from Everett.

The book is written so elegantly like prose meets poem, some of the sentence structures are actually so poetic I copied them out. It's also so finely balanced between sadness, hope and joy that I'd be swallowing a lump in my throat then smiling inanely from one sentence to the next.

if you've ever had a relationship, on any level, with someone who is BP/ manic depressive, you'll know how intense, how much understanding you need and how very rewarding it can be, also how much of a struggle simply being is, and how much mistrust there can be in the drugs. This book doesn't spell that out, but its implicit in the writing and in how much Alex and Everett feel for each other. There is a review I read where the reviewer, who is BP, said this book was the closest they had come to in reading about how they felt. I would echo that from the perspective of someone who has been married to a manic depressive for over 20 years.

Updated after reading , yet again, such a good, good book.

I honestly could not recommend this more.
Profile Image for Josy.
908 reviews3 followers
March 26, 2017
A get-well gift from the best cyber-momma ever! Thank you so much, Karen :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~ 4.5 stars ~

This was such a great book and I loved it to pieces!

I'll admit that the writing style is unusual and it took me a while to get into it. I don't know if another book with another MC written in the same style would work for me. In this case, though, it was perfect. Sometimes, the writing seemed choppy and chaotic with sentences that at first didn't make much sense. But this book is told from Alex's POV and Alex has a mental illness. He has a bipolar disorder (or he's manic-depressive) and I think, the writing style expresses his jumbled thoughts perfectly.

I was brought to tears by Alex's story. He fought so hard to get better, healthier. He gave himself a year. A year to be own his own, without Everett and his loving family to support him. A year to become the man he thought Everett deserves.

Thank you, momma Karen, for giving me this lovely book!!
Profile Image for Ami.
5,750 reviews501 followers
September 2, 2016
3.5 stars

I have a problem rating this book. There are some poetic words, some heart-felt moments, and most definitely some moments that just made my eyes go all watery. Especially if I imagine the struggle that Alex must've experienced, suffering from bipolar disorder (he prefers the term manic-depressive), yearning for the constant in his life, that is his best friend Everett -- unable to say how sorry he is about his situation and can only say it through his poems. Then, deciding that he needs to take one year away from Everett, to see whether he's strong enough to be without Everett. It's powerful stuff.

Unfortunately, I had problems 'swimming' through the words. Maybe it's Ms. Cooper's writing style or maybe because the story is written from Alex's point of view, that the words jumble and seem chaotic. There were times in this novella that I struggled to understand what's going on ...

I definitely give thumbs up for Ms. Cooper to bring a character with a mental disorder to the pages ... although as a reader who struggled with the story, it reduces the joy in reading it. Having said all that, I still think this story should be read!

Even if I won't read hers anymore due to the writing...
Profile Image for Nikyta.
1,403 reviews254 followers
December 6, 2011
It's always tricky for me when an author writes about an individual with a manic-depressive personality. I feel this way because a lot of my life is surrounded by people like that so when it comes to reading about them I nitpick the book and can't help but think it's nothing like that at all.

This story, however, I felt like it showed more along the right lines of what someone with such a personality really acts like. The book was chaotic but, to me, it felt exactly how someone with a manic-depressive personality thinks. They're depressive at times, gloomy, paranoid, impulsive and they can't help it. But with the writing and how choppy it may seem to others is exactly how people with such an illness thinks. It's not just an easy thinking process for them. It's complete, fucking chaos and that's one of the things that appealed to me with this book.

I will say at the beginning I was confused because I didn't know where this was going or why Alex was so depressing so the first few pages I was left thinking, "What?!". I thought Alex was already Everett's partner but then realized he wasn't so that added to my confusion. After I found out that Alex was sick, it became a really great story, in my eyes. The things Alex put Everett and his family through were heartbreaking but it showed that they loved Alex enough to stay with him and support him through his pain.

The tension between Alex and Everett is extremely high and all I could think was "why don't you two just get together already?!". I loved the build-up, though, and I loved the outcome when they finally got together. With that said, I wished this story had a bit more dialogue, it was spent too much in Alex's head and while that was part of it's charm, there is only so much depressing things I can read in a Christmas story.

In the end, this story is a bit dark but it ends on a happy note. It's something I'd recommend.
Profile Image for Bubbles  Hunty Honest & Direct Opinions .
1,314 reviews270 followers
December 4, 2011

Just because you have a character with a disability/illness does not a good story make

The first 20% was so confusing with all the names and with the whiplash from current scene to flashing back to random memories. I think around 20% I started getting who people were but the random memories kept popping up the whole story and they were distracting and I never really got into the story.

It was pretty uneventful nothing really happened. There was an interesting conversation about his poetry around 55% I liked that. That was a 4 star moment. And there was one conversation with Everett in the bedroom that I was better than other parts of the book.

For me this was a three star book with a couple 4 star scenes
Profile Image for Tess.
1,831 reviews26 followers
July 19, 2016
3.75 stars

This was a well-written, almost poetic shorter story but it just didn't work as well for me. I think I just find books about mental illness a little harder to read and enjoy.
Profile Image for MsMiz (Tina).
880 reviews111 followers
December 2, 2011
R. Cooper wrote an excellent story where you will feel Alex, his illness and his story. At one point, I thought 'I feel like I am reading under water;, that is how deep the writing went. Alex's illness and the impact it had on himself and those that loved him was so well done, so well done.

While this story was over a two day period at Christmas, it was so much more than a Christmas story. Alex had set a deadline this Christmas and now it was time to see if all his work paid off. Read the story to find out!

What Laddie wrote in her review was true ' When R. Cooper wrote this story she created something so beautiful and poetically, painfully, accurate.'


Profile Image for namericanwordcat.
2,442 reviews401 followers
January 22, 2018
I love R Cooper's writing and this is an engrossing tale of a couple coming together at Christmas time.

The bi polar disorder that shaped one heroes life comes into play in a powerful way in this love story.

Copper writes in deep point of view with lyrical language. I often love it but some times it is suffocating. This novella wanders into not giving me enough outside to breath.

I liked it but I needed more room and scope.
Profile Image for Relly.
1,263 reviews19 followers
April 14, 2019
4 ⭐️

I thought this one was well written. I liked all the character in this one.
The communication style, while in some books can irritate me, made sense in this one, especially with Alex’s bipolar.
Profile Image for Mandapanda.
833 reviews265 followers
January 6, 2013
Touching Christmas story about a man with bipolar disease who meets up with his best friend after a year of deliberate separation to see if he can make it on his own. I love the intense wordy style of this author. The half-sentences, insecurities and interruptions that prolong the HEA for as long as possible really feed my preference for a slow-burn romance, although I know they can be frustrating to some readers. But it's always worth it in the end as the heroes come together in some of the most intense, poetic and erotic love scenes in this genre.

"Not want you?" His voice was rough. "Everett, I'd lay you down right now in this thin blanket of snow and take you." Everett's eyes widened, but Alex's mind was racing, the images coming at him too quick for him to hold them back. "The cold air would touch you and then my mouth." He moved back into Everett's space, and Everett groaned. "My hands. Naked, Everett. I could bite your long limbs and lick the grace from your words and shock the neighbours with what obscenities I'd drive from your lips."
Profile Image for Mere Rain.
Author 15 books16 followers
Read
April 8, 2020
Two men -- almost brothers, since one was fostered by the other's family -- with very different personalities and interests, but a lifetime of shared experience and affection. Why haven't they talked in a year?

It takes a while to unravel what's going on which each of them and between them. Who is rejecting whom, and why? This is a little confusing, but helps the reader feel more for the characters, who are also confused and hurting. There are have been too many years between them, too much hurt, too much back and forth. Too many silences, and also sometimes the wrong words spoken.
Profile Image for Shelby.
2,578 reviews78 followers
December 10, 2013
Wow, this was brilliant. I actually decided to read this book based on the blurb as I’ve discovered I really enjoy books where mc’s are struggling with some sort of disability. I like knowing that they’re not perfect, that they have issues they have to overcome to find the love we all want for ourselves. So knowing that Alex was bipolar made this book even more interesting for me. I was not disappointed in the least. This surpassed my expectations and gave me a truly heartfelt Christmas story.

Alex may have grown up as a welcomed part of Everett’s family, but his disorder hasn’t always made it easy. During the periods where he was at his lowest, attempting suicide and manic episodes sleeping his way across his college campus he certainly had everyone in the family worried and scared for his wellbeing and future. A year ago Alex made a decision. Everett’s always been and will always be his best friend. But if he’s going to give himself a chance at the future he wants with Everett he needs to let him go.

Everett has always been there to pick his best friend back up, to help him deal with life and make sure he keeps moving forward. He knew that as long as Alex was writing he was doing alright, at least as alright as his disorder would allow him. It’s when the writing goes silent that Everett really has to worry. He’s never minded being Alex’s bulwark against the world. But a year ago, when Alex came and said that he was setting Everett free, that he needed time apart, Everett has never felt so adrift. Alex may have needed to make sure he could stand on his own, but Everett never wanted him to have to.

This book is chaotic and messy and made Alex’s illness so very real because of it. Since this book is told completely from Alex’s pov they stylistic choices that Ms. Cooper made became necessary to truly understand what it’s like in his head at any given moment. Alex battles with his depression all the time. He constantly has to way how he’s feeling and what it means internally. His thoughts are that chaotic and the internal debate can be very depressing to see. The chaos in his head is a daily battle he must fight to have any sort of normal interaction with people.

I felt so much for the tortured unsurity that Alex was struggling with. He was so scared to hope there was a future for him and Everett after everything that had gone on in the past. His fears were on the surface more than any other emotion that was zinging through Alex’s body. But Alex wasn’t the only one afraid. I really got from his actions that Everett was just as scared to make the first move. He’s already lost his man once and isn’t sure that Alex is back wanting the same things that he does. Watching these two circle around each other made you want to just scream at them, “You love each other! Get over it!” Yet, I knew it wasn’t that easy for either of them.

I completely adored Everett’s family as well. They were loud and all over the pass and yet you never doubted the love. It reminds me of home and the family I grew up with so much. The masses of cousins that are basically siblings for me growing up created just this sort of insanity. It’s the best sort. It’s warm and welcoming. The fact that Alex had this to fall back on, I believe, is ultimately what gave him the strength to try. He doesn’t want to disappoint any of them, least of all Everett.

I LOVED the ending to this book! Christmas morning was just so brilliant here. The realizations between these two and how everything was handled right down to Everett’s dad coming outside, just made my heart soar. I was left wanting just a tad bit more though, because I was so invested in these two. I want to see how things work out now that they’ve admitted that they want each other no matter what. I want to know how this works out with Alex trying not to rely on Everett to be his rock all the time, but fighting to be his own person in spite of his disease. Adored both these men so much and don’t want to let them go.

I would say a happy 4.5 stars easily here. I’m so glad I read this story. On a last side note thought, I think part of what I loved about this book was how hard the spoken word was for Alex. He could always say what he thought when it was written, but to bare his soul verbally was panic inducing. Reminds me a little too much of someone I personally adore. :D They’re always worth it though.
Profile Image for Bea.
513 reviews47 followers
February 9, 2013
Do you like holiday themed stories? Usually we see this in an anthology as a short story or novella and the environment of family, love and redemption, and new beginnings are common.

This week I was in the mood for something a little more complex than just a basic “feel good” romance story. In A Wealth of Unsaid Words, R. Cooper adds a bittersweet facet by using mental illness as a source of conflict and character development.

Basic Plot:

It is a year since Alex has last been with his best friend Everett and his family. Alex has spent the last year trying to gain control of his life from his bipolar disorder. His habits and meds are working, so can he now take the risk to be the man he wants to be for Everett?

Relationship:

Alex has relied on Everett and his family throughout his teens and as an adult against his illness. They are extremely supportive and now he feels as if he needs to stand on his own. Everett has loved Alex all his life and he has begun to fear that Alex would never allow them to move to the next step:

“That and who hasn’t wanted something they haven’t gotten? Those poems are full of all the reasons why he wants what he wants, which are also the reasons why he shouldn’t have it,” she added.


And really that’s what the book is about. Are these two men strong enough and brave enough to try to make this relationship work?

Strong Points:

The strength of this story is that we only see Alex’s viewpoint. We get to see how his mind works, and while he is now on his meds, we still get the impression through the skilled writing of how frantic his thought process has been in the past. We see what an effort he is making on accepting the love of Everett and his family.

And I love the dialogue and descriptions. Cooper just makes me laugh at times and cry at others. While reading this book, I felt like I was in his mind, living Alex’s life.

Also, I really loved what Cooper wrote as Alex’s writing voice. She really captured the manic and the depressive mind in writing with Alex’s words.

What could be better?

In this case, it’s not what could be better, but rather what else I wish I could have seen. I would have loved to see the entire relationship, beginning with how Alex was before he began the meds, including all of the ups and downs of the past. It would have been compelling reading and a chance for Cooper to really demonstrate a range of writing. But, that would have changed the tone it was not the purpose of this story.

Conclusions:

if you want a good, quick read then this book is for you. The story is more complex than just a shag and a pat goodbye, it has heart, a bit of angst, and a dash of compelling dialogue.
Profile Image for Sadonna.
2,571 reviews40 followers
December 1, 2011
Stunningly beautiful. The hell and hope of mental illness strikingly described. The fragility of Alex's "sanity" and life brilliantly expressed. Ultimately about the strength and power of love and hope. Amazing. Touching. Painful. Beautiful. Poetic. I LOVED this.
Profile Image for Serena Yates.
Author 95 books768 followers
April 24, 2021
This is a pretty amazing story about yearning, and wanting, and loving from afar until the time finally seems right for need to change into action. Written in an almost poetic style, the story grabbed me within the first few pages and swept me along on a wave of emotion that left me breathless.


Please find my full review on Rainbow Book Reviews.
Profile Image for Terri Jones.
2,022 reviews26 followers
July 7, 2022
This novella (?) is single POV story about childhood friends to lovers, the friend's large family who fostered him, his bipolar disorder medicated, but with past indiscretions, poetry, writing, fear, and bravery. I enjoyed it very much, despite the sometimes confusing tumble of thoughts and dialogue, because the MC is conflicted and unsure, but certain, but afraid. He felt genuine. I have no experience with bipolar disorder, but this seems like good representation.
Profile Image for Madigan Likes to Read.
747 reviews60 followers
Shelved as 'dnf'
December 29, 2022
DNF at 38%. No rating.

While there may be a frustrating wealth of unsaid words btwn the two MCs - bc they won't speak plainly to one another - the author offers the reader a wealth of written words that mean very little.

"It was like seeing him for the first time in his man’s body, patches of hair and unknown muscle, enough to make Alex close his hands tight, as though he was holding on to a scrap of wax paper again."

Wax paper? Sure, Jan. Ok. There is a way to write this kind of prose where it comes across as beautiful and even poignant. Here it's just so many empty words.

And a note for those looking for mental health rep: As a bipolar person, the entire premise of this story makes me uncomfortable. It implies that bipolar is a thing you can heal from, the way you heal from the flu or the common cold. It implies that once healed, you can moved forward, not to be troubled again. And that’s not how this shit works.

It doesn’t matter if you can stand on your own two feet for a solid year. Medicated or not, bipolar can so easily pull you down into a pit of despair or send you soaring onto a cloud of mania. If you can only feel worthy of your partner’s love when you’re stable in that in between place, long term the relationship won’t be successful.
Profile Image for Serena Yates.
Author 95 books768 followers
April 24, 2021
This is a pretty amazing story about yearning, and wanting, and loving from afar until the time finally seems right for need to change into action. Written in an almost poetic style, the story grabbed me within the first few pages and swept me along on a wave of emotion that left me breathless.


Please find my full review of the second edition on Rainbow Book Reviews.
Profile Image for Laura.
1,661 reviews46 followers
April 17, 2017
I'm a little mixed in how I feel about this one. The characters were very real, but I don't feel as emotionally invested as I usually do when it comes to R Cooper's works. I did get a little misty eyed at the end when Alex was talking about when he was 12, but other than that, I almost felt like I was reading to finish rather than enjoying the experience. It did get better about halfway through and the flow seemed improved, but overall, not one of my favorites.
Profile Image for Meggie.
4,746 reviews
December 2, 2011
The story was warm and full of feelings. More specific, feelings of yearning and wishing for something deeper, stronger.
The start was a bit strange but I was soon pulled into. And the end was sweet and romantic. I liked it.
Profile Image for Susana.
1,172 reviews36 followers
January 23, 2020
4.5 stars
Alex has been struggling with his mental issues from childhood. His illness is the same that ailed his dad, and turned his home in an inadequate place for living when he was a kid. But he found a safe haven and a family with Faradays, and his rock in the Faradays’ younger son, Everett. He also found true love. But Alex has many doubts about his worthiness, and the fact that he cannot rely his somehow jumbled mind. Perhaps, a year away from everything he considers safe will help him figure all these things out…
What a beautiful story. I am a big fan of R. Cooper’s characters, they are so special. The main character in this story, Alex, suffers from a bipolar condition, and has made some very bad decisions in his life. But he’s always had the support of the Faraday family, and the unconditional love of his best friend. But Alex is struggling, always struggling, to find a balance that makes him worthy of the man he loves.
I loved how the narration follows the convoluted paths of Alex’ mind. In fact, the beginning of the story is confusing, as Alex is overwhelmed by the excess of stimuli: people, noise, lights… in the Faraday household. Later, when things settled a little, everything started to make sense… It was easy to identify with Alex reading this story. The unique flow of narration was a very important clue to make it work, at least from my point of view. I really enjoyed it
Very recommendable
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Profile Image for Julesmarie.
2,506 reviews82 followers
November 30, 2017
This was gorgeously written. And just the most beautiful friends-to-lovers story ever. The feeling of melancholy and of opportunities missed or choices regretted was so powerful, though, that it also felt like a reunited/second chance story.

I prefer my holiday romance reads to be significantly more fluffy, but this was just so honest and raw-feeling and beautiful that I can't help but give it all of the stars.

Some Favorite Quotes:
Christmas. There was a power and magic in the word that allowed the rules of the everyday to be broken with impunity.

Life was infinitely harder than death, but far more beautiful too.

"You'll be grouchy this early on Christmas morning someday too," his mother told him.
Profile Image for Pam.
758 reviews20 followers
February 23, 2020
I did not like the writing style here at all. Not sure if it's this author, since this was my first of hers, or just this story, but it was very convoluted. I had to re-read many paragraphs several times and still couldn't figure out what exactly she was trying to say.

This is also the kind of loooooong-awaited relationship arc that would drive me batty if we'd had to experience the whole thing, but luckily it starts just a few days before they finally get together.

It is an excellent portrait of an MC with bipolar disorder with strong character development all around, but everything about the reading experience was very frustrating for me. I'd like to give this author another try, but it will probably be awhile...
Profile Image for Relly.
1,263 reviews19 followers
December 28, 2022
4 stars

I enjoyed this one. I've been meaning to reread for a while now and was glad I did. It showcases a character with Bi-polar and the struggles that come with loving him, be it a partner or the family that love him. It gave me a better understanding of what it's like on both sides of the equation. The struggle Alex faces with everyday things and how ashamed he is afterwards. His determination to be self sufficient is nice to see. Everett is a great character too, although I don't feel like I know him as well. I'd love to see more from them these guys as it finishes as soon as they get together
330 reviews2 followers
March 5, 2021
Really good

This dense!y worded, highly internal, short story is completely from the point of view of Alex, a young man who is bipolar, and has come home for Christmas to his unofficially adopted family, and his long time , unrequited high school sweetheart. He has been working on recovery for a year, taking meds and trying to put his life back together before seeing if Everett, the sweetheart, wants to try being together.
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