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Permission to Feel: Unlocking the Power of Emotions to Help Our Kids, Ourselves, and Our Society Thrive

Marc Brackett (Goodreads Author)

4.34 · Rating details · 50 ratings · 29 reviews

The mental well-being of children and adults is shockingly poor. Marc Brackett, author of Permission to Feel, knows why. And he knows what we can do.
"We have a crisis on our hands, and its victims are our children."

Marc Brackett is a professor in Yale University’s Child Study Center and founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence. In his 25 years as an The mental well-being of children and adults is shockingly poor. Marc Brackett, author of Permission to Feel, knows why. And he knows what we can do.
"We have a crisis on our hands, and its victims are our children."

Marc Brackett is a professor in Yale University’s Child Study Center and founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence. In his 25 years as an emotion scientist, he has developed a remarkably effective plan to improve the lives of children and adults – a blueprint for understanding our emotions and using them wisely so that they help, rather than hinder, our success and well-being. The core of his approach is a legacy from his childhood, from an astute uncle who gave him permission to feel. He was the first adult who managed to see Marc, listen to him, and recognize the suffering, bullying, and abuse he’d endured. And that was the beginning of Marc’s awareness that what he was going through was temporary. He wasn’t alone, he wasn’t stuck on a timeline, and he wasn’t “wrong” to feel scared, isolated, and angry. Now, best of all, he could do something about it.

In the decades since, Marc has led large research teams and raised tens of millions of dollars to investigate the roots of emotional well-being. His prescription for healthy children (and their parents, teachers, and schools) is a system called RULER, a high-impact and fast-effect approach to understanding and mastering emotions that has already transformed the thousands of schools that have adopted it. RULER has been proven to reduce stress and burnout, improve school climate, and enhance academic achievement. This book is the culmination of Marc’s development of RULER and his way to share the strategies and skills with readers around the world. It is tested, and it works.

This book combines rigor, science, passion and inspiration in equal parts. Too many children and adults are suffering; they are ashamed of their feelings and emotionally unskilled, but they don’t have to be. Marc Brackett’s life mission is to reverse this course, and this book can show you how. ...more

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Hardcover, 304 pages

Published September 3rd 2019 by Celadon Books

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Aug 16, 2019 Jennifer ~ TarHeelReader rated it it was amazing

Permission to Feel is a thoughtful, well-searched book about emotional intelligence and how it helps adults and children alike.

I wish Dr. Brackett’s program was available locally so I could see it in action because I have loved what I read about so far. He has designed a program called RULER, which is a prescription for healthy children, and includes healthier parents, teachers, and children. The focus is emotional health, and I love that.

I’m so grateful I read this, and I hope parents and teac ...more

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Sep 02, 2019 Heidi The Reader rated it it was amazing

Shelves: non-fiction, self-help, reviewed-by-request, know-thyself

"And when we can't recognize, understand, or put into words what we feel, it's impossible for us to do anything about it: to master our feelings — not to deny them but to accept them all, even embrace them — and learn to make our emotions work for us, not against us." pg 2

Marc Brackett, Ph.D., is the director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence. In this book, Permission to Feel, he has given the world a new set of tools to learn more about ourselves through our emotions, to facilitate ...more

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Aug 22, 2019 Jon(athan) Nakapalau rated it it was amazing

Shelves: cultural-studies, favorites, psychology

One of the best books on emotional balance I have read in quite some time. Mark Brackett does a fantastic job of 'mapping' all the problem territories one encounters when emotional boundaries are explored. The advice that Mark gives is based on his extensive experience (25 years as an emotion scientist) but is centered on a specific steps that can be taken and applied. Many of the issues facing our children today are covered with a rare applicability that translates smoothly into specific situat ...more

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Sep 09, 2019 Jenny (Reading Envy) rated it it was amazing

Shelves: read2019, reviewcopy, advising, adoption

Earlier this year, I read Emotional Intelligence 2.0 and took the accompanying test, testing lower than I would have liked to. Reading Permission to Feel helped me understand that emotional intelligence is something that must be modeled and taught intentionally (so that explains a lot.)

I appreciate this book because it can be read from a lot of perspectives - for personal growth, as a parent, an educator, or just a human in the world. Brackett unpacks emotional intelligence in the first part of ...more

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Aug 08, 2019 Amber Lea rated it it was ok

Shelves: self-help, non-fiction

I received an ARC (advanced reader copy) of this book which I was pretty excited about because everyone knows I have a self-help book addiction.

First, I’m going to address what we’re probably all thinking: the title isn’t the best. I was too embarrassed to read this on the subway or in the waiting room at my doctor’s office. To me, it conjures up images of weird touchy-feely group therapy sessions where people do things like punch pillows while yelling, “I HATE YOU DAD!” or dudes in pleated khak I received an ARC (advanced reader copy) of this book which I was pretty excited about because everyone knows I have a self-help book addiction.

First, I’m going to address what we’re probably all thinking: the title isn’t the best. I was too embarrassed to read this on the subway or in the waiting room at my doctor’s office. To me, it conjures up images of weird touchy-feely group therapy sessions where people do things like punch pillows while yelling, “I HATE YOU DAD!” or dudes in pleated khaki pants talking to kids with sock puppets or something else equally awkward.

I’m passed the age where I feel I need permission to do anything, so I hid this book for fear someone would think it was a cry for help.

Anyway, based on the description you might expect this book to be very technical, but it’s actually pretty personal. Most of the examples relate to the author and his childhood, or interactions he’s had with friends or students, and even hypothetical situations seem to be about him. (Like he asks the reader to imagine themselves going to a conference or being a teacher and having x, y or z happen.) I think this book was a cathartic exercise for the author. I think Marc Brackett should just write a memoir. I’d read it. Honestly, his best writing was when he was talking about his personal experiences. I wish he’d taken all these lessons he’s trying to impart here and folded them into the narrative of his life instead of sticking the narrative of his life into this book about his program.

Basically, I think this book probably would have benefited from being either way more personal, or way less. I think the RULER system probably works best as a powerpoint presentation or a pamphlet. Something easy to digest. It doesn’t really need a long explanation because it’s pretty simple, and because this book tries to be both personal and technical, it feels messy and unnecessarily long.

Also, the author spends way more time arguing against the idea that the system is pointless than he spends actually talking about the system. I came away feeling like I barely learned anything other than the fact that the author thinks kids really, really, really need a safe space to talk about their feelings.

I think the intended audience is parents, school administrators, and business managers. If you’re trying to decide if you’re interested in this book you should check out the author’s ted talk. It’s basically the book distilled down into a twenty minute speech. If you like that, you’ll like this book.

And just to address something that kept coming to mind for me over and over again: I think there’s something to be said for developing a thick skin. The author repeatedly gives examples of times he was “triggered” by his students (triggered is his word, not mine) and I get that the intention was to show how he had a bad internal reaction and then chose a better outward reaction, but to me his examples showed that he’s extremely sensitive in ways other people can’t anticipate. I think there’s a better answer for situations like these. Because let’s face it, most people don’t care about your feelings. They don’t have the time and energy. We also all have completely different ideas about what is acceptable behavior. I think it’s important (as an adult) to learn to accept this, otherwise you’re going to go through life feeling triggered by lots of small interactions that really don’t matter in the grand scheme of things. I think it’s fair to expect people not to verbally abuse you, but if you have a small meltdown because you don’t like the way someone you barely know asked you a question...you’re gonna have a bad time. People are always going to be snippy, sarcastic and dismissive. I find the best thing to do isn’t to find a way to suck it up every time it happens and force yourself to react better and then pull them aside later for a little talk, but rather, understand that not everyone cares and they shouldn’t have to. Then you don’t have to manage your reaction because it will barely register to you as a problem. It will be, “Oh man, that guy’s cranky” and not, “HOW DARE HE TALK TO ME LIKE THAT!” I think the author essentially wants to give the world sensitivity training, but if we manage our expectations we won’t need people we barely know to change so we can be happy. It’s really freeing to not expect so much from everyone. None of this is to say we shouldn’t strive to treat each other better, but we can also learn to chill out with the expectation that everyone be nice all the time.

...more

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Aug 07, 2019 Kim rated it really liked it

Shelves: 2019, non-fiction, psychology-social-science, arc

Thank you to @celadonbooks for the Advance Reading Copy of Permission to Feel. Please look past the "touchy-feely, warm and fuzzy" title, if you're inclined to be turned off by it. This is a thought-provoking and very relatable read that should inspire teenagers through adults to take a hard look at the role emotional intelligence plays in our society. You don't have to get too far into it before the relevance becomes evident. Whether you are a parent, a teacher, a significant other, a co-worker Thank you to @celadonbooks for the Advance Reading Copy of Permission to Feel. Please look past the "touchy-feely, warm and fuzzy" title, if you're inclined to be turned off by it. This is a thought-provoking and very relatable read that should inspire teenagers through adults to take a hard look at the role emotional intelligence plays in our society. You don't have to get too far into it before the relevance becomes evident. Whether you are a parent, a teacher, a significant other, a co-worker or employer, there will be a theme that resonates within these pages. Additionally, we don't need to look far to see how our emotions are targeted on a near-constant basis, either from people within our circles or those who earn a profit/benefit from manufacturing outrage; understanding that manipulation and how we respond to it is increasingly important.

In Permission to Feel, the author explains how emotions directly influence us daily: where we direct our attention; how we make decisions; social relations; physical health; creativity, effectiveness, and performance. He describes how deeply impactful emotions are to the learning and professional environments, in addition to our social/personal interactions. It's part science, part story-telling, part manual for self-improvement, and part call to action for an entire society, all wrapped up in 241 pages. Perhaps the most important points are how we are failing our children as a society by ignoring the importance of teaching emotion regulation skills -- in large part because we adults don't have those skills ourselves.

And for those who remain skeptical about the topic of emotional intelligence and/or the title, there's this apt summary:
"To some observers, emotional intelligence or emotion skills signify something fuzzy and touchy-feely, like a retreat from reality...In fact, just the opposite is true...Emotional intelligence doesn't allow feelings to get in the way -- it does just the opposite. It restores balance to our thought processes; it prevents emotions from having undue influence over our actions.."

All of that said, the title of the book really does not do it justice. I personally love this topic, but had I not received an ARC, I likely would not have read it based on the title. The subtitle is much more relevant to the content.

#PermissiontoFeel #CeladonReads ...more

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Aug 29, 2019 Genevieve Trono rated it it was amazing

Permission to Feel is a wonderful guide to recognizing our own emotions and those of others. Author Marc Brackett has spent years researching this important topic after his experiences as a child showed him how life-changing it was to have someone see, listen and truly recognize the things you have gone through as an individual.

While Brackett has spent decades studying this important topic, he presents the information in this book in an attainable and accessible manner for his readers. The first ...more

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Aug 15, 2019 Katie rated it it was amazing

“When I tell audiences how extreme reactions, over the course of time, can actually alter the brain structure of their children, the room goes quiet. Everyone is silently totaling up the times they lost their temper and went crazy on their kids, sizing up how much permanent damage they did.”

Ignore the questionable title and go read this book. The focus of Brackett’s study is on emotional intelligence, and that we, as a society, need to improve the way we recognize, understand, label, express, an “When I tell audiences how extreme reactions, over the course of time, can actually alter the brain structure of their children, the room goes quiet. Everyone is silently totaling up the times they lost their temper and went crazy on their kids, sizing up how much permanent damage they did.”

Ignore the questionable title and go read this book. The focus of Brackett’s study is on emotional intelligence, and that we, as a society, need to improve the way we recognize, understand, label, express, and regulate emotion (RULER). Many of his examples about how parents and teachers interact with their children/students dredged up painful memories for me. It also made me thankful for the adults in my life who had a high emotional IQ and we able to help me through my struggles.

I can no longer count the amount of times I’ve had a manager or colleague tell me “you need a thick skin” or “you wear your heart on your sleeve” or “I can’t tell what you’re thinking” or “you’re hyper sensitive” or “you’re too hard on yourself.” The balance of emoting too little vs too much is absolutely impossible to manage, so it’s no surprise that Brackett hones in on this culture of saying “I’m fine” ALL THE TIME. We are conditioned to not talk about how we feel, and oftentimes, we’re even punished for our feelings. As you can imagine, this has compounded over time to have a significant negative impact in the US.

“Over the last two decades, there has been a 28 percent increase in our suicide rate.” This should be outrageous to every one of us. Brackett asserts (in so many words) that the “tough love” model of our parents and grandparents isn’t working⁠—it’s actually perpetuating anger, bullying, and anxiety among young people, and can lead to decreased productivity and burnout among employees.

You don’t need to have children (or want children) to learn important lessons from this book, but there is a certain emphasis on affecting change through schools, teaching, and parenting. On a basic level, I think it’s critical for everyone to read this book and understand that if you suffered as a child, your feelings were valid. Thank you Celadon Books for reaching out and sending me an advance reading copy!

See more of my reviews: Blog // Instagram ...more

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Jul 26, 2019 Jess rated it really liked it

Shelves: nonfiction-read

https://celadonbooks.com/what-is-emot...

Feelings are complicated. On one hand, we’re supposed to understand what triggers them. On the other, we’re not supposed to let them create obstacles in our lives. It’s an impossible ask: have your feelings, but don’t react to them. This is why we need emotional intelligence.

Backed by 50 years of research, Permission to Feel is full of fascinating classroom and workplace success stories, along with facts about how stress and joy affect us biologically and ...more

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Aug 27, 2019 Janet rated it it was amazing

Shelves: 2019ng-when-i-read, kindle

When it is hot as heck outside and there is nothing "cool" to do but reading sitting in front of the a/c as everything else makes you end up a sweaty mess, it is the perfect day for a speed reader. (Yes it is hot and humid in Canada!)

I received a temporary digital Advance Reader Copy of this book from #NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

From the publisher, as I do not repeat the contents or story of books in reviews, I let them do it as they do it better than I do 😸.

The mental well-
When it is hot as heck outside and there is nothing "cool" to do but reading sitting in front of the a/c as everything else makes you end up a sweaty mess, it is the perfect day for a speed reader. (Yes it is hot and humid in Canada!)

I received a temporary digital Advance Reader Copy of this book from #NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

From the publisher, as I do not repeat the contents or story of books in reviews, I let them do it as they do it better than I do 😸.

The mental well-being of children and adults is shockingly poor. Marc Brackett, author of Permission to Feel, knows why. And he knows what we can do.

"We have a crisis on our hands, and its victims are our children."

Marc Brackett is a professor in Yale University’s Child Study Center and founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence. In his 25 years as an emotion scientist, he has developed a remarkably effective plan to improve the lives of children and adults – a blueprint for understanding our emotions and using them wisely so that they help, rather than hinder, our success and well-being. The core of his approach is a legacy from his childhood, from an astute uncle who gave him permission to feel. He was the first adult who managed to see Marc, listen to him, and recognize the suffering, bullying, and abuse he’d endured. And that was the beginning of Marc’s awareness that what he was going through was temporary. He wasn’t alone, he wasn’t stuck on a timeline, and he wasn’t “wrong” to feel scared, isolated, and angry. Now, best of all, he could do something about it.

In the decades since, Marc has led large research teams and raised tens of millions of dollars to investigate the roots of emotional well-being. His prescription for healthy children (and their parents, teachers, and schools) is a system called RULER, a high-impact and fast-effect approach to understanding and mastering emotions that have already transformed the thousands of schools that have adopted it. RULER has been proven to reduce stress and burnout, improve school climate, and enhance academic achievement. This book is the culmination of Marc’s development of RULER and his way to share the strategies and skills with readers around the world. It is tested, and it works.

This book combines rigour, science, passion and inspiration in equal parts. Too many children and adults are suffering; they are ashamed of their feelings and emotionally unskilled, but they don’t have to be. Marc Brackett’s life mission is to reverse this course, and this book can show you how.

As some who grew up in a household where NO ONE COULD SHOW EMOTIONS OR ANGER - and still cannot this day (I still have to internalize it despite being in my early 50s so is it any wonder why I am such a major mess emotionally 99% of the time?) The book is smartly organized into divisions and it explains the RULER concept in easy language. Emotional wellness is so important for kids and adults and this excellent book can be a boon for both parents, educators, and grown-up children like me who need validation for their ability to have emotions and express them to their families! ...more

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Aug 30, 2019 Anne rated it it was amazing

This is an extremely important book that everyone should read, and especially educators because our emotional lives are the foundation of our good health and well-being. It is highly readable and the author uses real life situations and stories as well as scientific research and facts that clearly illustrate how vital it is for all of us,parents, teachers and children alike, to be aware of and able to regulate and accept our emotions.

Thanks to NetGalley, the author and publisher for an advanced ...more

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Aug 26, 2019 Tiffany rated it it was amazing

Shelves: advanced-reader-copy, non-fiction

I love books that help us better understand and connect with our human psyche and emotions. Permission To Feel by Marc Brackett, Ph. D. does that in such an insightful and meaningful way. A big thank you to Celadon Books for the advanced copy. This is an exceptionally honest, compelling, eye opening and very necessary book. The author really explains to us how the importance of emotional learning is conducive to the wellness of our society. This brilliant book is one that everyone should read.⭐⭐ ...more

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Aug 24, 2019 Seth rated it it was amazing

Shelves: netgalley, personal-development, professional-development, psychology-misc

If you read one book on Emotional Intelligence, Permission to Feel is it. Based on decades of research and his own personal and professional experience Brackett guides the reader to understand why not recognizing and finding a healthy way to deal with emotions is a fundamental cause of so much stress/misery and mental illness in the U.S. Brackett lays out his own program ("RULER") that helps people understand and resolve their own emotional issues. If you want a tool to help you understand and d ...more

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Aug 30, 2019 Jill rated it really liked it

4 stars
Permission To Feel by Marc Brackett is a fascinating look at emotions and how better communications and expression of said emotions have the ability to change your life. This book should be required reading for all business leaders, bosses and school teachers. I really enjoyed this book even though I am not the target audience. I am able to easily see how these concepts would have helped me had a teacher employed them while I was in school.
I highly recommend this book.
I received a complim ...more

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Aug 31, 2019 Pammy rated it it was amazing

Permission to feel is a very good book and explains ALOT on mental health. This is a great book to read for anyone that is studying psychology, knows someone with a issue or just wants a better understanding. You will be very happy you read this. There’s a lot of knowledge put into this book. Happy reading!!!

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Aug 15, 2019 Christina Potter Bieloh rated it it was amazing

Permission to Feel is an engaging, inspiring book. I took many notes and have made a list of ideas that I want to immediately incorporate into my classroom as a result of reading this book. What I learned from Marc Brackett's work will help me to become a better teacher.

I want to add this book to my own library as a reference book to which I know I would come back to over and over again. I can better learn to understand how I am feeling. I need to revisit and study the parts of "RULER".I can't ...more

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Aug 18, 2019 Catherine A. rated it it was amazing

Marc Brackett provides a clear method for identifying, understanding, and teaching emotional intelligence. As a high school teacher, I see the increase of depression and anxiety among students. Brackett provides practical applications that enhance personal and professional environments. The author includes extensive research that supports his methods and his results. I will definitely recommend this book for professional development, and I will definitely begin utilizing Brackett's methods in my ...more

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Jul 25, 2019 Jessica Adolfo rated it it was amazing

I received this book as an ARC, in exchange for an honest review.

Before I begin, just know this is not a mushy book about feelings. It’s about understanding HOW you feel, understanding your triggers and how you project your feelings. It’s about becoming more successful at work and at home. It’s about how understanding the way emotions work and applying a very common sense approach that can even help children to learn and thrive in a more emotionally intelligent environment.

This is a book that ...more

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Sep 01, 2019 Tasha Driver rated it it was amazing

Shelves: misc-nonfiction

Permission To Feel by Marc Brackett, Ph. D is one of those books that can easily be called a game-changer.

It was the subtitle that hooked me:

Unlocking the Power of Emotions to Help Our Kids, Ourselves, and Our Society Thrive

I am a PTSD survivor and my son is autistic, so you can imagine that emotions run pretty high in this home. As I was just preparing to write this review, my son rushed in, in tears and incredibly distraught, because a neighborhood kid had thrown a dead cicada a

...more

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Sep 01, 2019 Lyssa deHart rated it it was amazing

I just finished reading Permission to Feel, by Marc Brackett, and I loved it.

First this book was a great reminder of the power of emotions to be our guides and as places to be curious. I often see people being swept by emotional roller coaster rides, who also go along for the ride versus getting curious about what these powerful indicators are trying to tell them.

In chapter 6 Brackett shares a great story about presenting to a group in Napa Valley. When asked about how they felt he was presente ...more

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Sep 03, 2019 Merrilee Gibson rated it it was amazing

As a licensed psychotherapist, I am interested in books that might be of help in my practice, so I chose to read and review this advance copy.

Seeing the title, I expected a self-help book on accessing feelings. I know that it is beneficial to become aware of and identify feelings, as otherwise feelings unacknowledged feelings can get in the way of other processes.

But Dr. Brackett’s message goes much further, and the assistance he offers is much greater. Feelings, we learn, are a central componen ...more

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Sep 03, 2019 Lauren Mendez rated it really liked it

Shelves: 2019-books-read

This book was a wonderful read and I would highly recommend it to educators. A key concept within this book is being able to identify our emotions in a more detailed and honest way. There is community built when educators are able to support students in understanding their emotions and also for educators to recognize their own emotions. It was powerful reading what it would look like to live in a world where emotional expression is encouraged particularly for emotions that are often seen as nega ...more

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Aug 05, 2019 Leslie M. rated it liked it

Many books about feelings come across as mushy, but that's not the case with this one. This one is about emotional intelligence, and it's based on fifty years of research. It contains classroom and workplace stories, which make it more relatable. The book shares details on how society is impacted by things such as stressful and joyful events. We can change some things just by paying attention to our emotions. The book is designed to help readers understand how they feel, as well as their trigger ...more

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Sep 02, 2019 Jackie D rated it really liked it

Being on the fence with "self-help" styles of writing, I contemplated whether or not this book would be a good fit for me. After reading the detailed blurb a few times, I knew I had to give a try.
I am glad I took the plunge!
Marc Bracketts down to earth, easy to read message comes out loud and clear- especially with tales of his childhood and how they laid the framework for who he is now.
What the RULER system is, how beneficial it is to the well being of not only our children but adults alike.
I ...more

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Sep 15, 2019 Rick Lunkenheimer rated it it was amazing

Emotional Intelligence is a skill you learn

This is a brilliant book that got me thinking about how I deal with my own emotions and how I deal with others around me. For years I have been reading about people high emotional intelligence, like it was a trait one is born with. It is not. It is a skill that can be learned and honed to help you recognize your own past, current patterns of thought and behavior, and how to make them work to your advantage. The author’s RULER method - Recognizing, Under ...more

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Sep 08, 2019 Sara Smith rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: early-reads

I received a free ARC of this book from Netgalley.

As someone who works in an elementary school, I was glad to see that a lot of the examples are based in classrooms so I could imagine these dynamics personally. I'm sure some teachers feel like there isn't time to do these feeling moments with students, but if little-to-no-learning is taking place now, it seems like it would be worth investing the time in connecting with students to get them invested in their learning. I'm going to recommend this ...more

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Sep 16, 2019 Joy Matteson rated it really liked it

An excellent deep dive into the effects of making space for our emotions. Being somewhat emotionally stunted for a large part of my childhood, it's refreshing to take a closer look at how teachers, parents, and other grownups can help themselves and the small ones in their care learn to emotionally regulate themselves and make it okay to be not okay. A great book, I think especially for educators and therapists, it's a must read.

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