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Fuck you Cancer.. and the cell you rode in on: Humorously toxic
“Think of it this way,” my Thoracic Surgeon explained. “The right lung is divided into three sections, called lobes. Each is about the size of a folded up slice of pizza.”He saw the curious look on my face.“Regular, not Sicilian,” he clarified. “It’s very hard to fold Sicilian slices.”I nodded; clearly he had been trained well.* * *Doc P, my Pulmonologist, studied the computer screen. This could not be a good sign. Of course, just having a Pulmonologist is not a good sign. If I had a list of Things I Don’t Want to Have, Pulmonologist would be near the top, way ahead of Periodontist and a notch behind Criminal Lawyer. Of course, I wouldn’t want to have to have a Parole Officer, a Bankruptcy Attorney or Shingles either. * * *I had never given much thought to the nature of my demise, should that ever occur. However, if I had conjured up a list of potential causes, cancer would not have even been considered for consideration. However, if it had appeared on my list as one of my potential executioners d’ jour, it would have been in the quest of completeness, not because I considered it within the realm of possibility. And, certainly it would have fallen to the very bottom, right after being eaten by sharks in my basement.To be clear, I have never had sharks or any other predatory fish in my basement, except for Attila, my kosher goldfish. Moreover, I live over forty miles from the ocean and there is no way that a shark could get to my house — and if it did, it is unlikely that it could open the basement door. The prevailing logic notwithstanding, I opted for shark-proofing my house as part of the termite guarantee. To wit, I had a slightly greater chance of being attacked by sharks in my basement than getting cancer. I was wrong. An entertaining and informative trip for anyone who has had cancer or plans to never get cancer or just likes to be entertained.**Also published under the "Welcome to Cancerland" for folks who prefer a less toxic title :).
87 pages, Paperback
Published November 19, 2018
About the author
Ritch Gaiti
10 books21 followersRitch focuses on telling compelling stories depicting the real world through unique perspectives. He writes in a variety of voices and genres from humor to drama, both non-fiction and fiction. He is an author, artist, and an alumnus of Wall Street and has written novels, screenplays and many magazine articles and has been featured on national radio and TV, including an appearance on the Today Show.
Ritch is also a recognized artist focusing on depicting the ethereal west in another time, another place. He exhibits across the U.S. in several galleries and museums. His artwork can be viewed on www.gaiti.com.
Ritch Gaiti's published books:
-The Strawberry Road: a spiritual adventure through discovery of the world as we know it but as we rarely see it. "I reached skyward to touch the universe . . . it wasn’t far at all."
-F*ck you Cancer ... and the Cell you rode in on: Humorously toxic
-The Jewolic . . .Conundrums of a Half-Jew: a humorous romp through religious ambivalence.
-The Big Empty: A gritty lawyer uncovers an ancient conspiracy and the betrayal of a man and a nation in a socially significant mystery/thriller.
-Dutching the Book: A NYC fireman schemes a way to beat the track in an American classic of four lifelong friends, betrayal, gambling, romance and the best horseplayer to ever play the game.
-Tweet: humorous fiction about one average guy who changes the world because he didn't know that he couldn't. Recently, Tweet, has been optioned for a feature film.
-Points: Women have them, Men need them: a humorous non-fiction relationship book (under the pseudonym I. Glebe).
Ritch is also a recognized artist focusing on depicting the ethereal west in another time, another place. He exhibits across the U.S. in several galleries and museums. His artwork can be viewed on www.gaiti.com.
Ritch Gaiti's published books:
-The Strawberry Road: a spiritual adventure through discovery of the world as we know it but as we rarely see it. "I reached skyward to touch the universe . . . it wasn’t far at all."
-F*ck you Cancer ... and the Cell you rode in on: Humorously toxic
-The Jewolic . . .Conundrums of a Half-Jew: a humorous romp through religious ambivalence.
-The Big Empty: A gritty lawyer uncovers an ancient conspiracy and the betrayal of a man and a nation in a socially significant mystery/thriller.
-Dutching the Book: A NYC fireman schemes a way to beat the track in an American classic of four lifelong friends, betrayal, gambling, romance and the best horseplayer to ever play the game.
-Tweet: humorous fiction about one average guy who changes the world because he didn't know that he couldn't. Recently, Tweet, has been optioned for a feature film.
-Points: Women have them, Men need them: a humorous non-fiction relationship book (under the pseudonym I. Glebe).
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Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews
July 10, 2019
“A good laugh overcomes more difficulties and dissipates more dark clouds than any other one thing.” ~Laura Ingalls Wilder
No one ever wants to be on the receiving end of those 7 dreaded words, “I’m so sorry but, YOU HAVE CANCER.” Once the news has been delivered, you start walking along the most challenging, heart-breaking, and gruelling road that you have ever traveled. You look for “comfort” or “relief” from always over-thinking, anywhere you can find it. For me, I usually turn to a book. It might seem odd to turn to a book about what you're actually over-analysing but Ritch Gaiti said it was humourously toxic and I think I needed that this week.
The BIG C journey may oftentimes see you cry, but you may also be surprised to hear that you'll find many unexpected moments to laugh about too. This book, F*CK YOU CANCER, AND THE CELL YOU RODE IN ON, will definitely have you chuckling away on many of its few short pages.
Even in the midst of such a traumatic experience, Gaiti kept finding small parts of his journey funny, so he laughed and by relating his experiences, we the readers, I in particular, laughed, A LOT!!
There’s no point trying to be solemn for solemnity’s sake. Even in the darkest, most trying and difficult moments, I believe if something is funny, YOU HAVE to laugh. Seize the opportunity to escape the situation, even if for a few seconds, and welcome the release.
You may think me heartless—how can I laugh at anyone's diagnosis? Right? Even my own? Believe me, that day was the saddest and heaviest of my 5 decades so far on this planet, but like the author points out, getting through the difficulties with laughter rather than sadness, actually helps in the therapeutic process.
I am extremely fortunate that my husband once again has exercised his great ability to make me laugh through all this. The laughter helps lighten me if only for a few moments. A minute of laughter allows me to momentarily forget my sorrow and the heavy burden gets temporarily lifted. I will take any and all of the moments I can get!! This auther Ritch Gaiti, sort of reminds me of him. And this book succeeded in doing the same thing.
This book made me happy to the point that my laughter helped me to briefly endure and almost forget my own experience, even if it was just for a short period of time while reading.
My husband is a very funny man who has me in stitches almost every single day (so much so that sometimes I can’t even stand up without the fear of tears trickling down my leg).
He hides this from the rest of the world, and I feel privileged to be one of the few people he shows this side to. He even laughed at me, while I was laughing at some of the passages of this book.
Many people quite often express that the burden of a cancer diagnosis will probably cause relationships to become strained and difficult. There's always lots of well-meaning advice and yet I can see where laughter helps a relationship not to suffer so much if any at all. Indeed, I can see how relationships could became stronger and even develop a deeper bond because I think the humour has a lot to do with this.
The ability to laugh every single day, despite our grief, pulls us humans through the difficulties together. It’s easy to admire this author even more for his strength, compassion, kindness, and (of course) his wonderful sense of humor.
Laughter is a remarkable healing force, allowing you to forget yourself and bond with the person you are laughing with.
I have witnessed friends who, when going through tough times, stop themselves from laughing at something (even though I know they would normally find it funny). We have a tendency to halt our laughter because it doesn’t seem right or appropriate, because we might feel guilty if we let it go.
Laughter is always right and appropriate (AS LONG AS IT IS NOT AT SOMEONE ELSE’S EXPENSE).
In your darkest hours, if you find something funny, allow yourself to laugh. Many studies have shown that laughter and humour have a huge array of benefits including strengthening the immune system, reducing pain and stress and increasing energy.
If you are going through a difficult experience or are generally feeling down, humour may accidently find you, maybe even in the form of a book?? Embrace it please!!
And if you don’t come across it by chance, track down a way you can lose yourself in some proper laughter. Watch a film that never fails to make you chuckle, speak to a humourous friend, or YES, read THIS funny book right here. It’s not wrong to laugh when things are tough; on the contrary, I promise it will help.
At least a little bit.
5 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 on this funny read. Here's to health, hope & happiness for you Ritch Gaiti. Thanks for the laughs.
No one ever wants to be on the receiving end of those 7 dreaded words, “I’m so sorry but, YOU HAVE CANCER.” Once the news has been delivered, you start walking along the most challenging, heart-breaking, and gruelling road that you have ever traveled. You look for “comfort” or “relief” from always over-thinking, anywhere you can find it. For me, I usually turn to a book. It might seem odd to turn to a book about what you're actually over-analysing but Ritch Gaiti said it was humourously toxic and I think I needed that this week.
The BIG C journey may oftentimes see you cry, but you may also be surprised to hear that you'll find many unexpected moments to laugh about too. This book, F*CK YOU CANCER, AND THE CELL YOU RODE IN ON, will definitely have you chuckling away on many of its few short pages.
Even in the midst of such a traumatic experience, Gaiti kept finding small parts of his journey funny, so he laughed and by relating his experiences, we the readers, I in particular, laughed, A LOT!!
There’s no point trying to be solemn for solemnity’s sake. Even in the darkest, most trying and difficult moments, I believe if something is funny, YOU HAVE to laugh. Seize the opportunity to escape the situation, even if for a few seconds, and welcome the release.
You may think me heartless—how can I laugh at anyone's diagnosis? Right? Even my own? Believe me, that day was the saddest and heaviest of my 5 decades so far on this planet, but like the author points out, getting through the difficulties with laughter rather than sadness, actually helps in the therapeutic process.
I am extremely fortunate that my husband once again has exercised his great ability to make me laugh through all this. The laughter helps lighten me if only for a few moments. A minute of laughter allows me to momentarily forget my sorrow and the heavy burden gets temporarily lifted. I will take any and all of the moments I can get!! This auther Ritch Gaiti, sort of reminds me of him. And this book succeeded in doing the same thing.
This book made me happy to the point that my laughter helped me to briefly endure and almost forget my own experience, even if it was just for a short period of time while reading.
My husband is a very funny man who has me in stitches almost every single day (so much so that sometimes I can’t even stand up without the fear of tears trickling down my leg).
He hides this from the rest of the world, and I feel privileged to be one of the few people he shows this side to. He even laughed at me, while I was laughing at some of the passages of this book.
Many people quite often express that the burden of a cancer diagnosis will probably cause relationships to become strained and difficult. There's always lots of well-meaning advice and yet I can see where laughter helps a relationship not to suffer so much if any at all. Indeed, I can see how relationships could became stronger and even develop a deeper bond because I think the humour has a lot to do with this.
The ability to laugh every single day, despite our grief, pulls us humans through the difficulties together. It’s easy to admire this author even more for his strength, compassion, kindness, and (of course) his wonderful sense of humor.
Laughter is a remarkable healing force, allowing you to forget yourself and bond with the person you are laughing with.
I have witnessed friends who, when going through tough times, stop themselves from laughing at something (even though I know they would normally find it funny). We have a tendency to halt our laughter because it doesn’t seem right or appropriate, because we might feel guilty if we let it go.
Laughter is always right and appropriate (AS LONG AS IT IS NOT AT SOMEONE ELSE’S EXPENSE).
In your darkest hours, if you find something funny, allow yourself to laugh. Many studies have shown that laughter and humour have a huge array of benefits including strengthening the immune system, reducing pain and stress and increasing energy.
If you are going through a difficult experience or are generally feeling down, humour may accidently find you, maybe even in the form of a book?? Embrace it please!!
And if you don’t come across it by chance, track down a way you can lose yourself in some proper laughter. Watch a film that never fails to make you chuckle, speak to a humourous friend, or YES, read THIS funny book right here. It’s not wrong to laugh when things are tough; on the contrary, I promise it will help.
At least a little bit.
5 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 on this funny read. Here's to health, hope & happiness for you Ritch Gaiti. Thanks for the laughs.
October 21, 2025
I picked up Fuck You Cancer.. and the Cell You Rode In On because the title alone made me laugh and sometimes, laughter is exactly what you need when life gets hard. My granny has been battling cancer for a long time, and this book ended up being such a gift for both of us.
Ritch Gaiti manages to take one of life’s scariest, darkest experiences and turn it into something strangely uplifting. His humor is sharp, self-aware, and deeply human. He doesn’t sugarcoat anything, but somehow he makes you laugh and feel less afraid at the same time. Reading it aloud with my granny, we found ourselves giggling in moments where we used to feel only anxiety and that laughter made all the difference.
Now that she’s finally in remission, she says this book helped her see the whole experience in a new light not as a tragedy, but as something she faced and conquered. And honestly, I couldn’t agree more.
This isn’t just a cancer memoir. It’s a reminder that humor and hope can exist even in the darkest places and sometimes, that’s what heals you the most.
Ritch Gaiti manages to take one of life’s scariest, darkest experiences and turn it into something strangely uplifting. His humor is sharp, self-aware, and deeply human. He doesn’t sugarcoat anything, but somehow he makes you laugh and feel less afraid at the same time. Reading it aloud with my granny, we found ourselves giggling in moments where we used to feel only anxiety and that laughter made all the difference.
Now that she’s finally in remission, she says this book helped her see the whole experience in a new light not as a tragedy, but as something she faced and conquered. And honestly, I couldn’t agree more.
This isn’t just a cancer memoir. It’s a reminder that humor and hope can exist even in the darkest places and sometimes, that’s what heals you the most.
October 15, 2025
As someone who’s been through the cancer rollercoaster myself, this book hit differently. Ritch Gaiti doesn’t sugarcoat anything instead, he turns pain into punchlines and fear into laughter. It reminded me that humor doesn’t erase the struggle, but it sure makes the ride a little less terrifying. I saw myself in his sarcasm, his disbelief, and his grit. Fuck You Cancer... and the Cell You Rode In On isn’t just funny. it’s real, raw, and oddly comforting. Sometimes you laugh to keep from crying, and this book proves that’s okay. Just try to get it on your desk for who ever facing this challenge....❤️❤️😍
October 21, 2025
Absolutely fantastic. This book took a tough topic and somehow made it funny, honest, and uplifting all at once. Ritch Gaiti’s humor is sharp but human, he makes you laugh in the middle of something you never thought you could laugh about.
It’s not just about cancer; it’s about facing life’s scariest moments with wit, grace, and a healthy dose of sarcasm. I didn’t expect to enjoy it this much, but I couldn’t put it down. A surprisingly heartwarming and hilarious read the kind of book that makes you think and smile.
📚 Definitely belongs on my “inspiring humor” and “unexpectedly uplifting” shelves
It’s not just about cancer; it’s about facing life’s scariest moments with wit, grace, and a healthy dose of sarcasm. I didn’t expect to enjoy it this much, but I couldn’t put it down. A surprisingly heartwarming and hilarious read the kind of book that makes you think and smile.
📚 Definitely belongs on my “inspiring humor” and “unexpectedly uplifting” shelves
October 15, 2025
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ “Cancer sucks, but this book doesn’t.
If you’ve ever wanted to laugh at something that’s absolutely not funny, fuck You Cancer... and the Cell You Rode In On, Gives you full permission. Ritch Gaiti somehow made cancer hilarious and that’s something I never thought I’d say. I laughed, winced, and learned that humor might actually be the best kind of medicine. Who knew a story about lungs and tumors could make me snort-laugh? This book doesn’t just flip off cancer, it makes you want to stand up and laugh with it.
If you’ve ever wanted to laugh at something that’s absolutely not funny, fuck You Cancer... and the Cell You Rode In On, Gives you full permission. Ritch Gaiti somehow made cancer hilarious and that’s something I never thought I’d say. I laughed, winced, and learned that humor might actually be the best kind of medicine. Who knew a story about lungs and tumors could make me snort-laugh? This book doesn’t just flip off cancer, it makes you want to stand up and laugh with it.
November 3, 2025
Fuck You Cancer.. and the Cell You Rode in On is sharp, funny, and surprisingly uplifting. Ritch Gaiti turns something terrifying into pure, honest humor that actually heals.
My granny, who fought cancer for years, laughed harder reading this than she had in ages. She said, This man gets it. Now that she’s cancer-free, this book reminds us how powerful laughter can be even in the darkest times.
It’s clever, heartfelt, and proof that humor really is medicine. A must-read for anyone touched by cancer or who simply loves a good, meaningful laugh.
My granny, who fought cancer for years, laughed harder reading this than she had in ages. She said, This man gets it. Now that she’s cancer-free, this book reminds us how powerful laughter can be even in the darkest times.
It’s clever, heartfelt, and proof that humor really is medicine. A must-read for anyone touched by cancer or who simply loves a good, meaningful laugh.
June 9, 2021
Mercifully short, but I didn't find it very funny or reassuring. I picked it up thinking it might be a good read for a neighbor recently diagnosed with lung cancer. Maybe I'm just not fond of men who think they're adorably humorous. After reading many widows' memoirs recently, I'd just say there's no substance here, only facile one-liners.
Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews