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If I Fall

4.35  ·  Rating details ·  49 ratings  ·  34 reviews
How do you survive when your best friend takes his own life?

Khloe has no idea how she’ll live without her best friend by her side. Carter was not the suicidal type, and Khloe can’t understand his leaving her so abruptly. When she finds Carter’s journal, it’s a secret portal holding all his deepest secrets. As Khloe unravels the hidden darkness of her best friend’s life—
Kindle Edition, Second Edition, 270 pages
Expected publication: March 4th 2020 by Blue Tulip Publishing (first published January 19th 2019)
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Average rating 4.35  · 
Rating details
 ·  49 ratings  ·  34 reviews

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Anastasia シ
Feb 16, 2019 rated it liked it
Shelves: authors-t, arc, 2019
Woah. Heartbreaking, such an emotional book.
This was the first time reading this author and wow.
Honestly not a fan of sad books, but this one was something alright. A little slow, BUT sooo worth the read.
Kathleen Bradbury (Bulfon)
Jul 09, 2019 rated it it was amazing
A great storyline! Hard to put down! Intense and Emotional! Hot Chemistry! I truly enjoyed this read! Get it and Read it!

I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.
TamaraLynne Stewart
Apr 16, 2019 rated it really liked it
I enjoyed reading the book it's shows a lot of how an addict struggles day to day I will be watching out for more books by Amber Thielman I received this book free from voraciousreadersonly for my honest review
May 05, 2019 rated it it was amazing
This book was amazing. I loved the way the author ended it. Wow. This was a beautiful written book.
Jill S (Love Affair With Fiction)
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Feb 09, 2019 rated it it was amazing
OMG!!! I have to warn you readers, this book will rip your heart out and shove it back in your chest. You know the movie Romancing The Stone...the part where Joan Wilder is finishing her book and crying so hard and out of tissue....Yep it is like that! So be prepared with a huge box of tissues. So here it is my review as I am currently trying to get my tears in check.

Khloe is young and has many problems and addictions. A high school drop out, who’s life is not going anywhere. Then on one
Jun 16, 2019 rated it really liked it
Shelves: fiction-general
The subject matter of this novel is intense, which makes it a difficult novel to read. Having said that, I found that the author handled the material in as sensitive a manner as possible. It's a disturbing read, but I found it to be a very worthwhile one.

This novel reminds me an awful lot of Go Ask Alice, which I read several times in junior high, and, I believe, at least once as an adult. This novel is both lighter and darker than Go Ask Alice.

The story does move along at a good pace, and is
Feb 09, 2019 rated it it was amazing
If I Fall
By Amber Thielman
Main Characters: Khloe, Carter, Ty and Jay
I voluntarily and honestly reviewed this book without bias or persuasion from the author.
5 out of 5 stars
Wow, this book was a doozy! I'm not even sure what to say about it but I will try. First this deals with teen suicide, drugs, pills and alcohol. It was extremely depressing to me as it hit a little close to home as I lost my only daughter at 17 to suicide. No drugs or anything like that but we were left in the same
Feb 17, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: reviewed, bookbub
Amazing, emotionally charged, soul touching and heart warming

I don't have words to fully describe what this book done to me. It was so intense emotionally that it took me a while to get my thoughts around and finally put them into review. The emotions put into the words by the author, and then delivered in the story line that was perfectly thought through, were raw and touched me deeply, straight to my soul. The subject is not easy to even think about. This book made me cry but also in the
C. McIntosh
Mar 31, 2019 rated it really liked it
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Judy Munoz
Feb 09, 2019 rated it it was amazing
I voluntarily reviewed an advance reader copy of this book. This is a difficult review for me to do. This book is beautifully written and full of emotion. It is also very dark - much darker than books I normally feel comfortable reading. It deals with suicide and drug and alcohol addictions and the havoc these things can wreak on people and their families. The author embraces all of these subjects with sensitivity and realism. And while the subject matter throughout is very dark and bleak and ...more
Apr 02, 2019 rated it really liked it
I received this book for free in exchange for an honest review...

Khloe and Carter have been friends ever since they were little. His family was hers and vice versa. Khloe has always been the compulsive one and troublemaker while Carter was reserved and patient. When Khloe's mom dies her father turns into an alcoholic and Khloe starts down the same path. She loves alcohol and drugs and is instrumental at Carter's brothers demise.

Fast forward to their 20s and they are still friends and as close as
Tasha Cockburn

The description of this book caught my eye, Khloe and her best friend Carter have been BFFs forever. Carter is Khloes rock, always there for her like a guardian angel, however he commits suicide. Carter has left Khloe a journal and the story follows her through trying to understand what led carter to kill himself.
This book is about khloes battles with addiction after Carters passing and how she picks her life back up.
I enjoyed the majority of the book, some sexual scenes (especially when Khloe
Feb 16, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Wow! What an impactful book. At times you want to scream at Khloe and her friend Ava due to all of the alcohol and drugs that they are using.
Khloe was on a journey to find out why her bestfriend would commit suicide. She ends up spiraling out of control drinking and drugs to kill her pain.
Ava is in many ways a good friend but was also an enabler. She supplied drugs and introduced Khloe to people who did harder drugs. All the while using herself, making it easier for Khloe to do the same.
Anne Donaldson
Feb 11, 2019 rated it really liked it
This book traces Khloe’s exploration of her best friend Carter’s journal, and, at times, it drags. In many ways, this is more Carter’s story than Khloe’s, an exploration of the traumas he’s faced, rejections, love, worry over Khloe herself. The Khloe we meet at the start of the book is very different from the Khloe that closes it; she becomes a much more likeable, rounded character, as does her friend Ava. The book is not an easy read; it is at times heartbreaking, at other times horrifying – ...more
Rachel Benham
Feb 19, 2019 rated it it was amazing
This book was so bitter sweet. How do you go on after losing someone so important to suicide? Khloe lost her best friend Carter. She goes through the whole book to figure out why he did it because she could not see the signs. She turns to alcohol, drugs, and sex to try and get through her sorrow. This journey she is on, leads her to the two men, Jay, Carters ex boyfriend and Ty, the paramedic that tried to save Carter and saved her other friend Ava. Through the love of them, she discovers things ...more
Terry Babb
Feb 22, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Phew, an edgy, emotional, deep & intense read.
The blurb & previous reviewers have covered the story in detail. I found it to be a gripping & very emotional, brilliantly crafted read that one expects from this author. How deep did she dig to craft these characters, it was compelling but frightening as this is a world I can't even begin to comprehend. Even though many of the characters were not likeable I was drawn to the main characters who, with a few exceptions, were seriously
Tammy Boyd
Tragic falls when Khloe doesn't make it in time and Carter committed suicide. He wasn't the type he was loved by everyone. Carter was Khloe's rock and was always there for her. Now grief stricken and not coping with the loss of Carter, Khloe is falling down the rabbit hole. Alcohol, drugs and blackout having sex when she normally wouldn't would have done that. Now after receiving Carters journal Khloe is looking for Jay, Carters ex. Khloe and Ava are taking a path that can end them and now Khloe ...more
J. Ockenhouse
Feb 04, 2019 rated it it was amazing
As much as this story is Khloe's dark, raw, gritty and sometimes hard to read story this is also Carter's. He may have ended his life but we still get to hear his powerful and emotional words through his journal.

His voice was very moving and had me in tears. His life and hiding his true self shouldn't have happened.

These two friends still communicate beyond the grave (you'll get what I mean). Khloe has her own demons and travels down the life of hell. But their friends are the light she needs.
Aug 18, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: e-books
This book is sad. It breaks my heart and it was so sad to go through it.
Khloe lost her best friend and reading his diary and discovering his life she falls too. She falls and it is hard for her to come out of this situation.
Ty is a paramedic and he felt a connection with her, even if it was the smallest one, it was there.
Going through hard times, with friends by her side, for Khloe is still really hard. Without her best friend, she just doesn't see a point at living anymore.

It really is a
Feb 03, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Gut wrenching and at times almost difficult to read, If I Fall takes you on a poignant and deeply moving journey. This isn't your typical love story. Its a devastating and uplifting read that deals with family, profound loss and friendship. It unashamedly shows the ugly and often brutal side of addiction and the impact of suicide on those left behind. I was incredibly moved by the characters. They were, each and everyone, unforgettable. Amber Thielman is an exceptional storyteller and I promise ...more
Feb 25, 2019 rated it it was amazing
First time read for Ms. Thielman and I am still hysterical crying. Oh my sweet heart can't let this book go. The impact of the storyline she has created hurts your heart, and yet, you can't stop reading this hard hitting emotionally charged book. Khloe has lost her best friend, Carter and dealing with his death is a horrible heartbreaking journey for her. I do not want to give away any part of the plot but trust that you will be riveted.

I voluntarily requested an advanced reader's copy of this
Amy Weller
Feb 03, 2019 rated it it was amazing
A heartbreaking but very worthwhile read. When Khloe's best friend Carter takes his own life, her life is thrown into turmoil. As she grieves Carter, she falls into a dark place of drugs and alcohol to help her cope. On her journey to find an answer as to why her best friend would do this, she finds friends who stand by her and help her find the inner strength to put her life back together. A very poignant and powerful story that was hard to read at times and heartbreaking and tearful at others, ...more
Feb 16, 2019 rated it really liked it
This book was very well written. It explores the process of healing after a loss. For me this book had an overwhelming feeling of gloom and sadness that I could not shake. Not to deter anyone from reading it because it is a well thought out book and quite relatable if you share the same experience (whether it is an old wound or a fresh scar). This is a book I would recommend for the right person (know your friends). Enjoy!
Mar 12, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Wow, this was quite an emotional book for me. This was a new author for me & I really enjoyed her work. I hope to read more. Am voluntarily leaving an honest review for a copy of the book via booksprout.
Lisa H
Feb 14, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Angsty and emotional.
Carter has taken his life and its through his journals that we find out why. His friend Khloe is on a similar downward spiral. But Ty, a paramedic, is there with a hand in her darkness.
Jessica Evans
Feb 14, 2019 rated it it was amazing
*Warning* This book will rip your heart out and put it back together. There are also a few triggers in this book. This book is beautifully written and has a positive message. I highly recommend this book!
Feb 13, 2019 rated it it was amazing
I really enjoyed this book. Really good plot to the story. Very well written. Would highly recommend it to anyone who likes this kind of stories. Can't wait to read more from this author. Fast paced to the end.

I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.
Patti Barker
Feb 10, 2019 rated it it was amazing
ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!! This was the first time reading this author & I was blown away.
I cried (but that's just me, cry at everything). This book opened my eyes to the other world of.. well everything. Could not put book down..
Angela  McK
Feb 05, 2019 rated it it was amazing
This is Khloe's trip from the hell of losing her best friend to suicide. It is a very emotional book that takes you down low and gives you a great ending. It can be hard to read at times but is worth reading it to the end.
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Amber Thielman is an avid reader and writer of dark, edgy Young Adult and New Adult books that push the boundaries and challenge your comfort zone.

Despite her love for taboo, realistic subjects, Amber reads too much Stephen King and grew up devouring every Fear Street novel R. L. Stine ever wrote. When she’s not writing, Amber enjoys traveling, practicing the art of staying on her horse,
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