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If I Fall

Amber Thielman (Goodreads Author)

4.34 · Rating details · 73 ratings · 53 reviews

How do you survive when your best friend takes his own life?

Khloe has no idea how she’ll live without her best friend by her side. Carter was not the suicidal type, and Khloe can’t understand his leaving her so abruptly. When she finds Carter’s journal, it’s a secret portal holding all his deepest secrets. As Khloe unravels the hidden darkness of her best friend’s life—hop ...more

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Kindle Edition, Second Edition, 270 pages

Published March 4th 2020 by Blue Tulip Publishing (first published January 19th 2019)

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Average rating 4.34 ·

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· 73 ratings · 53 reviews

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Apr 06, 2020 Paula Phillips rated it really liked it

Looking for an edgy read and one that will tug at your heartstrings as it delves into a lot of edgy topics including suicide, drugs, abuse, and alcohol. It also shows readers that sometimes you need to hit rock bottom for you to decide to change and do something to turn your life around. The book starts with Khloe getting a phone call from her best friend Carter, she gets a vibe that something is wrong. Khloe then rushes to her friend's house and finds him dead. The book then jumps to the funera ...more

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Feb 16, 2019 Anastasia ｼ rated it liked it

Shelves: 2019, arc, authors-t

Woah. Heartbreaking, such an emotional book.
This was the first time reading this author and wow.
Honestly not a fan of sad books, but this one was something alright. A little slow, BUT sooo worth the read.

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Mar 20, 2020 Cat rated it it was amazing

This is an incredibly emotionally charged intense book,
Dealing with real issues which I had great empathy towards and I found reading difficult for me at times.It really got to me and shattered my heart in places,I cried unapologetically for Khloe and the journey she embarked on to come to terms with her best friends tragic suicide.
Amber Thielman has written a very compelling story,with a flare that was respectful,raw and beautiful. Anyone who wants to read a book that will make you cry ,and fe ...more

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Apr 21, 2020 Myreadbooks rated it it was amazing

Shelves: kindle, livres-vo, arc-review, booksprout

I would especially like to thank the Booksprout site and especially the author without whom I would never have been able to read this book.

I was immediately attracted by the beautiful cover of this book, it shows the pretty Khloé sitting against a wall and seems sad.

It all starts when Khloe's best friend dies, how is she going to survive without him by her side. Yet Carter would never do that. Until the day she stumbles upon his secret journal. She's gonna come across a lot of things she never ...more

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Mar 27, 2020 Theresa Payne rated it it was amazing

If I Fall is a book of truth. Its a book that will give u a look into the dark and pain of what some of our youth deal with. Its heartbreaking and stomach turning at some points. Its also amazing and beautiful and i believe this should be a required reading for our youth. Always remember u are not alone .

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Apr 30, 2020 Pauline rated it it was amazing

Wow ... what can I say about this book other than it is absolutely fantastic! Read it in a day, just couldn't put it down!! Hard hitting, sad, happy ... a rollercoaster of emotions! 5 stars isn't enough to say how good this book is... definitely my favourite book of the year so far! 💖 ...more

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Feb 10, 2020 Jill S (Love Affair With Fiction) marked it as to-read

Bloggers & Bookstagrammers sign up here to be a part of the release for this YA Romance: https://forms.gle/XsDwSofkMNLtmqyn6 ...more

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Mar 31, 2019 C. McIntosh rated it really liked it

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.

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Apr 16, 2019 TamaraLynne Stewart rated it really liked it

I enjoyed reading the book it's shows a lot of how an addict struggles day to day I will be watching out for more books by Amber Thielman I received this book free from voraciousreadersonly for my honest review ...more

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Jul 09, 2019 Kathleen Bradbury (Bulfon) rated it it was amazing

A great storyline! Hard to put down! Intense and Emotional! Hot Chemistry! I truly enjoyed this read! Get it and Read it!

I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.

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May 05, 2019 Julianne rated it it was amazing

This book was amazing. I loved the way the author ended it. Wow. This was a beautiful written book.

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Apr 01, 2020 Sassy Southern rated it really liked it

Khloe Daniels is in absolute shock when she gets a phone call from her best friend Carter Drake that confuses her and when she arrives at his house she finds him dead from suicide. Now she finds herself falling apart without him and doing everything that he would disapprove of as she tries to go on living.
When Carter’s younger sister, Gracie, secretly gives her his journal, Khloe hopes it will fill in the pieces of why he would do something without letting her know what he was going through.
Yet Khloe Daniels is in absolute shock when she gets a phone call from her best friend Carter Drake that confuses her and when she arrives at his house she finds him dead from suicide. Now she finds herself falling apart without him and doing everything that he would disapprove of as she tries to go on living.
When Carter’s younger sister, Gracie, secretly gives her his journal, Khloe hopes it will fill in the pieces of why he would do something without letting her know what he was going through.
Yet will Khloe find the answers she needs or will she find herself down a dangerous path that she may not survive?
This was a beautifully written book about the dealings of suicide on those you love and the dark slippery slope it can lead others to. I found one part I struggled a little bit with is the rampant drug and alcohol use which led to a lot of casual sex and really put Khloe at risk for so many different things.
My heart broke for Khloe as Carter was her main family but I also found that she really disrespected him which may have been her way of coping as she did everything that she knew he would not approve of. I felt awful for her and I found her friendship with Ava was disappointing as both began to use more and more drugs which Carter would not approve of at all.
I liked that Khloe began to unravel Carter’s secrets but I was surprised that she would read one page and then follow up on it before reading everything which may give her more clues to what was going on. I liked that Khloe found Mrs. Dunham and I wish she would have let Mrs. Dunham help her more.
I loved that Khloe found both Ty and Jay through Carter’s death. They were so stable and good for her although she continued her destructive behaviour with Ava and Jesse. I was shocked at what happened to Khloe because of Jesse and I was so frustrated that it took her so long to let go of him and everything that he brought with him.
I was so proud of Khloe for deciding she was ready to get sober and I was so thankful that Jay and Ty stood by her side helping her through the most difficult times!
The last journal entry made me pretty sad as I knew it was what Carter wanted but at the same time I was sad that he never ever let Khloe into his struggles as maybe she could have helped him!
By Rebecca ...more

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May 03, 2020 Rebecca Austin rated it really liked it

Shelves: review-sassy

This was a beautifully written book about the dealings of suicide on those you love and the dark slippery slope it can lead others to. I found one part I struggled a little bit with is the rampant drug and alcohol use which led to a lot of casual sex and really put Khloe at risk for so many different things.

My heart broke for Khloe as Carter was her main family but I also found that she really disrespected him which may have been her way of coping as she did everything that she knew he would not ...more

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Apr 20, 2020 Lynn Stifle rated it it was amazing

Wow! This book is so emotional, moving, and gut wrenching. Khloe gets a call from her best friend Carter and sensing something is wrong she goes to his house to find him dead. We also meet Khloe’s friend Ava, that is addicted to drugs and alcohol. Which leads Khloe to turn to drugs and alcohol to forget about Carter’s suicide. Khloe gets Carter’s journal and starts reading to try and discover the reason for his death. On her journey she meets Jay, Carter’s ex boyfriend, and Ty, the paramedic tha ...more

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Apr 13, 2020 Brenda Moser rated it it was amazing

Intense , dark and emotional best describes this story. The author does a fantastic job bringing a deep,raw feeling with her vividly detailed scenes. She shows the despair and grief of addiction and the effects on her characters and their relationships. This is not an easy read and I have to admit I shed many tears while reading this story. It's well written,realistic and unfortunately true to life. Well done!

I voluntarily reviewed an ARC of this book. All opinions in this review are my own and ...more

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Jun 23, 2020 Violet Raven rated it really liked it

I was dubious about this, given that it ties romance to recovery. I worried the author would fall into the trap of allowing the main character to be rescued by love, but it was actually a well balanced resolution, ensuring that the plot doesn't hinge on reliant or codependent relationships but instead gives good examples of interdependence and the importance of multiple platonic as well as romantic relationships. ...more

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Apr 24, 2020 Maja rated it it was amazing

This one was a little different from what I was used to from this author. It was a little darker, a little more serious and not at all so carefree than for example Almost paradise in my opinion. Still very strong, meaningful storyline that I enjoyed reading. 5 stars. I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.

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Apr 27, 2020 Misty Goan rated it it was amazing

A wonderful powerful well written emotional story. This engaging storyline is intense showing amazing strength that kept me addicted page after page. It's an amazing journey through loss, grief, addiction, all the way to recovery. Very poignant and heartfelt story that I voluntarily read and reviewed. ...more

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Aug 26, 2020 Charlie rated it it was ok

*I received a free copy of this book from the author via voracious readers only in exchange for an honest review*
I can understand why some other readers liked this one and it was a nice concept, however there was far too much drug use and needles in this for me. Not really my thing so I didn't really end up enjoying it. ...more

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Oct 02, 2020 Jeanne Richardson rated it really liked it

This is the 1st book I've read written by Brittiany Morgan; she has done a great job at writing a good book; I can’t wait to read more of her books.

The story line caught my attention at the very beginning and kept me interested throughout the entire book.

I loved the characters.

I received a free copy of this book via booksprout and I’m voluntarily leaving a review. ...more

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Jan 22, 2021 Erin Gossman rated it really liked it

I couldn’t put it down. I read the whole book in something like 6 hours. I’ve read similar stories, but they weren’t quite as intense as this. A great read for struggling teens, but definitely not for the faint of heart.

I received a complimentary copy of this book from the author in exchange for an honest review

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Apr 24, 2020 Lisa rated it it was amazing

ten stars! amazing characters. fast paced storyline. Lots of drama and suspense. Read cover to cover because I couldn't put it down.

I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review. ...more

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Apr 25, 2020 Karen Zornek fitzcharles rated it it was amazing

Get a box of tissues ready for this one from start to finish I needed them. Very good book I had trouble putting it down.

I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.

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Sep 23, 2020 Shay rated it really liked it

This was an emotional book and experience and I loved every bit of it! Was a complete roller-coaster of emotions.
Highly recommend!

I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.

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Apr 22, 2020 Gaynor Jones rated it really liked it

Well........damn

Intense, dark, gripping, heart wrenching and an emotional, physical and mental journey for both the characters and the reader.

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Feb 09, 2019 Patty rated it it was amazing

OMG!!! I have to warn you readers, this book will rip your heart out and shove it back in your chest. You know the movie Romancing The Stone...the part where Joan Wilder is finishing her book and crying so hard and out of tissue....Yep it is like that! So be prepared with a huge box of tissues. So here it is my review as I am currently trying to get my tears in check.

Khloe is young and has many problems and addictions. A high school drop out, who’s life is not going anywhere. Then on one fatefu OMG!!! I have to warn you readers, this book will rip your heart out and shove it back in your chest. You know the movie Romancing The Stone...the part where Joan Wilder is finishing her book and crying so hard and out of tissue....Yep it is like that! So be prepared with a huge box of tissues. So here it is my review as I am currently trying to get my tears in check.

Khloe is young and has many problems and addictions. A high school drop out, who’s life is not going anywhere. Then on one fateful night the fragile life she has is shattered by the death of her best friend. When Carter died the fragile life Khloe was holding on to by a string, shatters completely. On a downward spiral full of drugs and booze, Khloe’s life is hanging on by a thread.

With Carter’s journal she slowly embarks on a path to discover the why to Carter’s death. The journey that begins is not one she will truly understand till the very end. She will not be able to do this on her own, but it will take time for her to realize and accept the help of those who come into her life.

Wow! This book is the most heart wrenching book I have read in a long time. I was such an ugly crier reading this book. The story so strong and deep it really reached into my soul and ripped it out. I am still having a hard time getting the tears under control. But I have to tell you that even though this story was a dark and lonely path, it was the most beautiful story to touch my soul.

The characters in this book were so developed and deep. Each played their part in the story well. Each bringing their own to the table. Supporting one another in ways they don’t imagine. Ty for instance. He was a very big supporter. You ask the question that Khloe asks herself over and over again. Why me? Why do you want to be in my messed up world? I am not worthy of you.

Just like Jay. He has such a heart of gold and I am so glad he was there for Khloe, even though he did not know her well, he still stuck by her through it all. Even helping to step up to the plate with Ava.

This odd group of friends grow a bond that will help them all in the long run.

I must prepare you, the reader, before you begin. This story is not for the faint of heart. It may not be erotic in nature , but the darkness of the world of a addict is deeply and exactly described in clear detail. It is a world most don’t ever get introduced too, but the story that Amber has written is so real and detailed that it is like you are experiencing the horrors with Khloe. This makes for an amazing story of strength and independence. A story of love and forgiveness, unlike any other out there.

So if you want to feel and believe in the hope that we can do anything we put our minds to, then you may just be reading the right book for you. But it is not a pretty happily ever after tale. It is dark, scary and at times lonely. But it will show you strength and courage.

Bravo Amber Thielman! Bravo! An excellent read!!!!!!!! ...more

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Jun 16, 2019 Buttercupp77 rated it really liked it

Shelves: fiction-general

The subject matter of this novel is intense, which makes it a difficult novel to read. Having said that, I found that the author handled the material in as sensitive a manner as possible. It's a disturbing read, but I found it to be a very worthwhile one.

This novel reminds me an awful lot of Go Ask Alice, which I read several times in junior high, and, I believe, at least once as an adult. This novel is both lighter and darker than Go Ask Alice.

The story does move along at a good pace, and is se The subject matter of this novel is intense, which makes it a difficult novel to read. Having said that, I found that the author handled the material in as sensitive a manner as possible. It's a disturbing read, but I found it to be a very worthwhile one.

This novel reminds me an awful lot of Go Ask Alice, which I read several times in junior high, and, I believe, at least once as an adult. This novel is both lighter and darker than Go Ask Alice.

The story does move along at a good pace, and is set in the first person. There are snippets of diary entries from Carter, whose suicide triggers the events of the novel. I found that the major characters are well fleshed-out in spite of the first-person narration, which can be a challenge. There are some minor characters that I wish had been better developed, as well as a couple of plotlines that fell flat or were kind of left trailing.

I think the character development was very well handled. I have some questions outstanding about Khloe's parents, but I recognise that this is Khloe's story, so I think the author, largely, made the right choice in excluding those answers. I do wish there had been more of a background on where Khloe's problems really started and how she came to be where she was at the novel's outset. A little bit is revealed, but, for me anyway, it raised more questions rather than providing the context and framework I was hoping to learn. There were a couple of characters who I felt were just too perfect to be believable. I wish they had some rough edges to them to make them more realistic.

There were a lot of mistakes in the edition I read - more than what I think a fair share would be. An addition editing pass would have done wonders for this. In addition to spelling problems (heroine/heroin, 'O clock/o'clock, procaine/prochaine, etc), there was a scene where the timing was really unclear to me (that may have been me not paying attention to diary entry dates, though).

This is a very compelling - if difficult to read - novel. I can't say, based on the heavy subject matter, that I would actively recommend it, but I am very glad that I read it.

I received a copy of this book through Voracious Readers Only. ...more

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Feb 09, 2019 Ann rated it it was amazing

If I Fall
By Amber Thielman
Main Characters: Khloe, Carter, Ty and Jay
I voluntarily and honestly reviewed this book without bias or persuasion from the author.
5 out of 5 stars
Wow, this book was a doozy! I'm not even sure what to say about it but I will try. First this deals with teen suicide, drugs, pills and alcohol. It was extremely depressing to me as it hit a little close to home as I lost my only daughter at 17 to suicide. No drugs or anything like that but we were left in the same predicamen ...more

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Feb 17, 2019 MaLoBe rated it it was amazing

Shelves: bookbub, reviewed

Amazing, emotionally charged, soul touching and heart warming

I don't have words to fully describe what this book done to me. It was so intense emotionally that it took me a while to get my thoughts around and finally put them into review. The emotions put into the words by the author, and then delivered in the story line that was perfectly thought through, were raw and touched me deeply, straight to my soul. The subject is not easy to even think about. This book made me cry but also in the cours ...more

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Feb 09, 2019 Judy Munoz rated it it was amazing

I voluntarily reviewed an advance reader copy of this book. This is a difficult review for me to do. This book is beautifully written and full of emotion. It is also very dark - much darker than books I normally feel comfortable reading. It deals with suicide and drug and alcohol addictions and the havoc these things can wreak on people and their families. The author embraces all of these subjects with sensitivity and realism. And while the subject matter throughout is very dark and bleak and th ...more

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About Amber Thielman

Amber Thielman

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Amber Thielman is a contemporary author who creates adult, young adult, and new adult stories that her readers are sure to love.

Despite her adoration for drama-filled romantic suspense, Amber grew up reading too much Stephen King and spent endless summers devouring every Fear Street novel R.L. Stine ever wrote.

You can find Amber on social media when she's not writing the pretty words. Come say hi, ...more