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The Princess Beard (The Tales of Pell, #3)
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The Princess Beard

(The Tales of Pell #3)

4.06  ·  Rating details ·  1,074 ratings  ·  206 reviews
Shave the princess? Inconceivable! The hilarious bestselling authors of Kill the Farm Boy and No Country for Old Gnomes are back with a new adventure in the irreverent world of Pell.

Once upon a time, a princess slept in a magical tower cloaked in thorns and roses.

When she woke, she found no Prince Charming, only a surfeit of hair and grotesquely long fingernails--which was
Hardcover, 384 pages
Published October 8th 2019 by Del Rey Books
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Katreniah You can read it without the others, but there are little things that you won't catch if you don't at least read the first book. You probably won't kno…moreYou can read it without the others, but there are little things that you won't catch if you don't at least read the first book. You probably won't know you're missing them, so it won't feel like someone's telling a joke that you don't understand. It's just that you'll appreciate those moments if you've read the first book.(less)
Cory I haven't read the book yet, but it is a real word. It's slang for someone that's super muscular.…moreI haven't read the book yet, but it is a real word. It's slang for someone that's super muscular.(less)

Community Reviews

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Average rating 4.06  · 
Rating details
 ·  1,074 ratings  ·  206 reviews

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Nov 20, 2019 rated it it was ok
Shelves: fantasy, adventure
The biggest thing I can say about this book was that it tried too hard. I found this in the library in the new section, and as i don't normally read books that JUST came out, I decided to give it a read. The first few pages looked interesting and i like fantasies that treat themselves differently than the normal Tolkien fare. However, this book... well... the best way to describe it, is that it GRAZED the marks, but didn't really hit any of them.
So the first and most glaring problem with this b
Taylor Leasure (McCoy)
Nov 09, 2019 rated it did not like it
I don’t know that I’ve ever been so mad at a book.

Dear reviewers, never link another writer to Terry Pratchett unless they live up to the name.
Terry Pratchett means the world to me because he knows how to make a person feel like they need to be better purely through character, story, and witty jokes. This book is the most unsubtle, annoying attempt at satire I’ve ever experienced, and I wish I hadn’t purchased a $30 book for a pretty cover and the promise of Pratchett-Esque writing.
Nov 10, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: overdrive-audio
Another fun romp through Pell with another great cast of quirky characters and a few infrequent nods to characters from Kill the Farm Boy and No Country for Old Gnomes. If you aren't familiar with those two stories, The Princess Beard can be enjoyed as a stand-alone; it may be slightly less enjoyable but any fantasy geek will enjoy the many references to various tropes and characters from popular fiction and fairy tales.

Despite the title, this is not a straight pastiche of Goldman's The Princess
Liz (Quirky Cat)
Sep 29, 2019 rated it really liked it
Shelves: 2019-reads
I received a copy of The Princess Beard through NetGalley in exchange for a fair and honest review.

The Princess Beard is the third novel in the Tales of Pell series, which is a joint project by Delilah S. Dawson and Kevin Hearne. Together these two authors have created a truly inane and amazing world.
The Tales of Pell is a world full of fairy tales flipped on their heads, with dozens of stereotypes warped into the funniest ways imaginable. They stretch plots to their extremes, and have oh so
Tim Hicks
Nov 05, 2019 rated it did not like it
Shelves: fantasy, adventure
Ugh. DNF.
I gave the first two 3 stars. Of #2 I wrote, "The humour seemed to be aimed at a slightly younger audience than last time, and some of it just seemed to be trying too hard. This would have been better with a third of the jokes removed."

Unfortunately that comment stands this time. Now it's aimed at kids who will laugh if you say "booger," no matter how many times you say it.

Tales of Pell? I lasted quite a few pages and saw no evidence that this was Pell, or anywhere other than Generic
Lauren Stoolfire
Oct 02, 2019 rated it really liked it
I received an ARC from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

The Princess Beard by Delilah S. Dawson and Kevin Hearne is the third hilariously entertaining installment of The Tales of Pell. Think Sleeping Beauty decides to start a new life for herself after she wakes up and become a pirate on a ship with quite the ragtag crew. Doesn't that sound like fun? For the most part, it really worked for me. I love how the authors are so successfully able to turn classic fairytale elements on their e
Dec 29, 2020 marked it as to-read
I’m sold by the BookRiot synopsis:
“Once upon a time a princess woke up from a long sleep in a magical castle, and…honestly, it wasn’t great. She was hairy and gross and she’d been asleep for a while. At least no creepy prince had come by. That was a relief. So the princess decided to take off on her own, trim her nails, keep her beard, and become a pirate, as one does.”
Where can I find this absolute treasure?
Sep 21, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: ebooks, read-in-2019
Oh, man. These adventures in Pell just keep getting more wonderfully ridiculous. No, wait. I'm wrong. The level of ridiculousness has remained constant in THE BEST WAY. They're just a rollicking ride from beginning to end.

The Princess and her beard are no exception. Because waking up after a cursed sleep to find yourself crusty and overgrown is only the beginning of Morgan's journey. I mean, the lady definitely finds herself along the way. And a cause. A cause that strikes her in the deepest par
Athena (OneReadingNurse)
Oct 30, 2019 rated it really liked it
Thank you so much to Del Rey and NetGalley for the eARC in exchange for an honest review! All opinions are my own!

I have really enjoyed reading this entire series. Book three, The Princess Beard, picks right up in the world of Pell with more puns, more great characters, an epic adventure, and closure for some of my old favorites.

I think my favorite character in this one was the pirate captain. Filthy Lucre and all the ridiculous pirate rules in the manual were just hilarious. He was also a good
Oct 02, 2019 rated it really liked it
This review was originally posted on my review blog Deanna Reads Books

The Princess Beard is the third and final installment of the Tales of Pell fantasy parody series from Delilah S. Dawson and Kevin Hearne. I adored the first book Kill the Farmboy and was a little lukewarm on the sequel No Country For Old Gnomes, but the final book is a good marriage between the two.

I think what made me like the final book better than the second one was that the main characters in this book are ones we have me
Jun 27, 2020 rated it liked it
I found that I preferred (enjoyed) it better when I was reading out loud. So, i read this to my kids. Maybe not the best choose for a bed time story lol, there were things i skipped just cause, pirets and their swords and such. But i enjoyed it. I loved how it ended, but I was sad that it took so much to get into it. It's so funny and heart felt. Maybe I just wasnt in the mood for it when I picked it up. But I will be rereading it in the future. Definitely 😁 ...more
Scrappymags 3 word review: Punny as hell.

All my reviews available at

Genre: Fantasy/magical/humor

A short summary: This is a crazy summary but here goes: there’s a princess who wakes with a beard (and some really long nails!) but instead of waiting for a prince, she escapes and runs away, becoming a pirate under the captainship of a one-eyed pirate. Oh, and the pirate? Is a parrot. Mix in a myriad of other characters - a misogynistic centaur who is also a magical tea and cake make
Nov 28, 2019 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This was such a *satisfying* ending to the trilogy. More cohesive, I think, than the first book - but the story was great. Few of the characters from books one or two show up, though there are occasional references to them. Still many puns, and a few literal LOL moments - which always get me a few strange looks as I'm driving or sitting on the train. The tale was fun and interesting, the characters were great, and as I listened to the audiobook - Luke Daniels was a master as always. I will miss ...more
Aug 26, 2019 rated it it was amazing
The Princess Beard is a puntastic laugh out loud gigglesnort of a good time read. This adventure of self-discovery is not without the occasional mishap but what doesn’t kill you … This tale is filled with epic wordplay and the occasional shout out to various adventurers past, present and future. I heartily recommend.
Nov 01, 2019 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Back to Pell with another ragtag group of fantasy tropes with a twist. Led by a bearded princess pirate in training this adventure finds its sea legs early. There are otters, elves, dryads and centaurs. I groaned out loud at a couple of the word plays.

The narrator does a great job at many characters but his take on the parrot was over done and grating.
Jul 18, 2020 rated it it was ok
Shelves: fantasy
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Allie Gerard
Oct 06, 2019 rated it really liked it
I liked this entry in the Tales of Pell series better than Kill the Farm Boy, but not as much as No Country for Old Gnomes (which actually moved me to tears). The authors’ signature offbeat humor remains intact, and I loved the links (some subtle, some less so) to previous books in the series. The pop culture references felt fresh and relevant, and all in all The Princess Beard was exactly what I expected, in the best possible way.

I was particularly interested in the character of Tempest, a dry
Sonja P.
Jan 06, 2020 rated it liked it
The Princess Beard is a satirical take on a lot of things: fantasy, fairy tales, pop culture, the name it. It’s the third of a series of a books, (all more or less stand-alone) from Pell.

There were parts of this I LOVED and had me laughing out loud: a pirate named Queefqueg (dying in English Lit major), a whole section about Hogwarts, clever puns, and just ridiculous jokes. This was entertaining to read, BUT, and here’s the but, I felt the individual puns and jokes they wanted t
Deborah Ross
Jan 10, 2020 rated it it was amazing
This is the third “Tale of Pell” I’ve read, and by far the most entertaining. It is, of course, a pirate story, complete with a beard-sporting princess, a dryad in the process of transforming into a carnivorous tree, a pudgy elf, and a centaur whose secret magical weapon involves pelting his enemies with hot tea and sugary pastries. Oh, and the captain – Filthy Lucre – is a parrot in search of the ideal shoulder perch.
For me this novel had more structure and cohesiveness than the earlier two, w
Oct 08, 2019 rated it really liked it
Thank you to NetGalley and DelRey for providing me an eARC of this book in exchange for an honest review. I really enjoyed the previous books in this series (Kill the Farm Boy and No Country for Old Gnomes). I knew what I was getting myself into here and knew it would be some much needed levity after reading some heavy non-fiction, fantasy and science fiction titles. The Princess Beard follows the title character, a dryad, a centaur swoleboy, and an un-elfly elf on a piratical journey to buried ...more
Karin Gorham
Oct 12, 2019 rated it it was amazing
It is true that if you combine Kevin Hearne's writing and Luke Daniels' narration I am there for it, but these Pell books are particularly wonderful. They have large casts of varied yet complete characters, plots that cover important current issues, in this case mostly environmental and terrible/terrific (it is a very fine line) puns.
I love them all. I will probably reread them all frequently.

Dec 01, 2020 rated it liked it
Shelves: 2020
Fell in love with this series and its sarcastic story telling during the house cup. When a talking goat is your MC what can go wrong? Actually, this story has a new set of characters and the goat man only makes a minor appearance. Thanks for the joy, Gustaf. There are parts of this story that are totally laugh out loud, but sometimes it pushes the line and can be too much on the border of annoying. But all in all it is a fun story.
Aug 08, 2020 rated it really liked it
Ridiculously punny, heart-warming, entertaining. It took me longer than usual to read because I wasn't always in the mood for the tone of the humour, but I kept coming back to it. Extremely satisfying ending. ...more
Oct 23, 2019 rated it liked it
This reminds me a lot of the Piers Anthony "Xanth" series but somewhat more up to date. But much like Xanth, the plot is really just a loose framework to serve up puns and pop culture parodies. If that's your thing, great. If you really want a solid plot, this book probably isn't for you. ...more
Dec 31, 2019 added it
Shelves: abandoned
This was too punny even for me.
Feb 28, 2020 rated it it was amazing
A hilarious adventure with lessons in morality and just generally being a decent human - even if most of the characters aren’t actually human.
Emma Roe
Mar 19, 2020 rated it it was amazing
This amazing book that I’m reviewing is called The Princess Beard by Delilah S. Dawson and Kevin Hearne published in the year 2019. This book is about Sleeping Beauty waking up with no prince to wake her and she escapes the castle and joins the Fuzzy Peach pirate crew to find herself. Without these te princess escaping I believe the princess would have never truly found herself. The princess feels lost mentally which I feel. It isn’t the type of exaggeration that most books have it makes peopl ...more
Shirley Eiswerth (Quackenbush)
All the innuendos, puns, and parodies Of everything was epic.. I almost choked on my lunch when he asked if she was divergent and I adored the HP and SW references!! Is book 4 out soon?!? Lol
Nov 03, 2020 rated it it was amazing
Yes another set of characters, different from the first two tales of Palm and embarking (pun intended) on new adventures as apprentice pirates and a quest of self discovery and friendship building.

Oh and the puns!! And the double entendres !!! So much fun.
I hope the series continues
Jan 08, 2021 rated it it was amazing
I just found out this was the third book in a series. I didn't read the first 2, just this one, but it was AWESOME! ...more
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Delilah S. Dawson is the New York Times-bestselling author of Star Wars: Phasma, Black Spire: Galaxy's Edge, and The Perfect Weapon. With Kevin Hearne, she writes the Tales of Pell. As Lila Bowen, she writes the Shadow series, beginning with Wake of Vultures. Her other books include the Blud series, the Hit series, and Servants of the Storm.

She's written comics in the worlds of Marvel Action: Spid

Other books in the series

The Tales of Pell (3 books)
  • Kill the Farm Boy (The Tales of Pell, #1)
  • No Country for Old Gnomes (The Tales of Pell, #2)

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