The Intimacy You Crave: Straight Talk about Sex and Pancakes

by Lucille Williams

“In a market that is filled with books that are soooo serious and formal, Lu sweeps in like that quirky, fun, irreverent big sister who can say anything and makes you blush. . .but who you might actually listen to.”
—Shaunti Feldhahn, best-selling author of For Women Only

Sex advice. . .
from a pastor’s wife? Oh my.

Well, why not? Who better to give sound, biblical advice about what God actually has in mind for your sex life? From pastor’s wife and author Lucille (Lu) Williams comes The Intimacy You Crave: Straight Talk about Sex and Pancakes, a transparent, surprisingly honest, widely informative approach to transform your sex life and safeguard your marriage. Many women struggle with their sexuality and, unfortunately, too many settle for reading about romance rather than living it out in their own lives. Within the pages of The Intimacy You Crave are relatable, real-life fantasies and desires of everyday women—but more important are the step-by-step instructions and straight-talk about sex from a pastor’s wife that will challenge and equip you to work toward a greater intimacy that infiltrates every area of your married life. Whether you crave something as simple as a pancake breakfast together after “makin’ bacon in the bedroom” or a deep connection with your husband unlike anything you’ve experienced before, Lu’s unprecedented insights and step-by-step challenges will increase your desire and deepen a sexual intimacy that overflows into every area of  your married life. It’s time to say yes to great sex!

Lucille Williams is an author, speaker, director, and coach who has been working with families for over 25 years. Straightforward, funny, engaging, genuine, and authentic, Lucille writes from her experiences as a pastor’s wife and deep devotion to her husband and children.

Genres: Marriage, Nonfiction, Self Help, Christian Non Fiction

240 pages, Paperback

Published June 30, 2019

Reviews

[Sarita · Rating 4 out of 5]

It took me a while to pick this one up to read. I requested it due to the topic, but then delayed reading it because for this conservative reader, I needed a bit more courage. Now I wished I've read it sooner and would highly recommend it for married women.

It's kind of like the game of chess. The queen, which stands right next to the king, is the most powerful piece on the board. You are the queen. You are the best and most important "piece" in his life. You have the ability to build him up or tear him down.

This author was bold by tackling a topic most people avoid to talk about, but should be talked more about with married couples. As an unmarried women, I knew sex before marriage was wrong, however, we are never told we may enjoy sex when married. And yes, sometimes we don't want to hear it, but sex is important for a thriving marriage - it was intended by God for marriage and to be enjoyed.

Even when we don't "feel" crazy in love, we "act" in love, which allows us to work through our struggles more quickly.

And it is not just about sex, but also other factors which affects your marriage which will have an influence on your intimacy.

There was a few things the author said I'm not 100% convinced I agree with, but most of it was again eye opening.

A woman will feel most fulfilled when she loves fully and completely. Your marriage is your journey, your adventure, your romantic tale. You craft your love story.

*I received a complimentary copy from the publisher via Netgalley. All opinions expressed are my own.*

[Leeya · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars

I have read a few marriage books and I quite liked this one. Lucille Williams manages to turn a very intimate topic into a fun read. Her book is well-structured and it contains testimonials from herself and other couples, short messages from husbands, and a weekly “challenge” after every chapter (which I though was a cool idea) besides the main text.

It is a book full of practical advice but what makes it special is the approach it takes. Instead of only explaining what to change in the bedroom, it also tackles issues at its core and suggests changes in the reader’s heart (i.e. attitude) that will make a difference in their relationship and in the bedroom. So, you get hands-on advice in both areas, the heart and the bed.

The thing I personally did not like was the long list of expressions the author is using instead of just saying “sex” or “intercourse” to spice up her book. I mean, sure, you can say “fun in bed” or “horizontal hokeypokey” or “amorous congress”. But, to be honest, I want “baking the lasagna” to mean “baking the lasagna” and not have a long list of normal every day expressions be connected to sex. Other than that, it’s a great book.

Oh, did I mention the author is a pastor’s wife? Yep, that’s right. If you think pastors, or wives, or Christians don't have fun in bed, Lucille Williams is going to prove you wrong.

Thank you NetGalley and Barbour Publishing for a free ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.

[Rebekah · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the most light-hearted book I've ever read about sex (not that I've read THAT many!). I find it funny that the author describes herself as a bit of a prude in the beginning of this book - that's not the vibe I get AT ALL from her book. Seriously though, this book was a fun read... I literally laughed out loud at many of the stories and illustrations. Much of what I read I've heard from other authors, but it was still so good. I wish all wives could (or would!) take the time to read this book. The gentle admonition and encouragement to make intimacy a high priority is a much needed reminder.

I did not particularly care for the chapter on abuse - mainly because it didn't really apply to me... and reading the stories shared just made me feel shocked and saddened. I skipped part of the chapter.

Overall though, I enjoyed this book and I am very glad I took the time to read it. I'm sure my hubby with be glad I did too!

I received a complimentary copy from NetGalley in exchange for my honest review.

[Debbie Chatley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Recommend this book for all Christian wives and even soon to be wives. This book is written girlfriend to girlfriend and gets to the heart of the matter about marriage and sex. I love how the author candidly tackles a topic that too often is not tackled in Christian circles but should be as God is the author of sex. Quite honestly I wish I would have had this book 26 years ago when I got married.

The book covers the full gambit of topics surrounding marriage and sex and even addresses some harder topics such as body image and sexual abuse. The book is a mix of information, examples, and guides. Several of the guides include: Top 10 hindrances to intimacy, 5 reminders about lasting love, common fears woman have, fun ways to fill his eyes, and ways to fill his love tank. Then each chapter ends with a challenge to be completed, and these definitely add to the text in the chapters.

All in all I found it very useful and practical in nature. My 2 favorite quotes are:
-Marriage is a chisel that God uses to create a masterpiece
-A great relationship is more like a tree - it takes years to grow to maturity.
I love that this 2nd quote was part of the book, in that the author acknowledges that this will not be a quick fix but a turning of the tide. One key warning about this book though: it will get your motor running and make you look forward to adult nap time.

I received a complimentary copy of this book from Barbour Publishing and was under no obligation to post a review

[Ellen Kehs · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5 I highlighted a lot of great passages and information, but as it went on, I felt a lot of wife shaming and general stereotypes, like a man is always wanting sex and women always don’t want sex and even in the chapter about women wanting it more, it still came out as though women should try harder to make their man desire them.

[Joanna Ellis · Rating 3 out of 5]

There were definitely parts of this book that resonated with me. But there were other areas that felt quite shallow, or like the author truly didn’t understand all marriages. I felt like she came from a healthy marriage, and didn’t take into account relationships that may have struggled with infidelity or betrayal. I read books about marriage, specifically Christian based marriage books that take the approach of “the woman is made to serve the man and support the man.” I went away feeling like I want to be that kind of a wife, but I am also working through some pretty big trust issues that bring in some hard obstacles. I also felt like the author also addressed a lot of this towards relationships where the husband’s sex drive is more voracious than the wives. I wish she had addressed a bit more about nontypical relationships where the wife might have a stronger libido than her husband, and how we can approach that without feeling rejected.

The humor and lighthearted approach was enjoyable, and much of what she reminded me of was helpful. I guess I just wanted to identify with what the author said a little more.

[Cheri Swalwell · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Intimacy You Crave by Lucille Williams was the first book I’ve read by this author but I hope it won’t be the last. She writes with such authenticity about a subject that might be difficult to some to write about. She uses humor, honesty and a real love for God to share her heart in this book. It was easy to read, one I would feel comfortable sharing with others, and it’s about marriage, which is a subject near and dear to my heart. You don’t have to be struggling in your marriage to read and get things out of this book; yet, if there are problems you’re dealing with, this book offers encouragement as well. I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher and was under no obligation to read or review. All opinions are strictly my own.

[Nicole · Rating 5 out of 5]

It’s about time that a Christian book and author decides to tackle sex in a candid and honest way, and that is exactly what Lucille does here. From the start of the first chapter, I was literally laughing out loud. Her approach is informative, but not formal; you feel like you’re getting advice from a friend- advice that will actually help. As a mom with little kids, many aspects of the book really spoke to where I am at. Lucille writes, “‘Okay, I’ve got thirty minutes right now; after that your window is closed.’” I loved that she let’s you know it’s okay to put sex on your timetable, because with small kids, making things spontaneous, just doesn’t happen. Plus, a whole chapter is dedicated to body image. It is here she introduces the “What He Wants You To Know” quotes from husbands about their wives. I loved getting a window into the things men think about sex and their spouses. And it’s all anonymous, so you know it’s honest. She writes in this chapter, “Please don’t let ‘extra’ pounds or issues become a barrier between you and your husband. Either lose it or let him use it. Remember, ‘We men like it all,’ and ‘You are fine!’” After kids have taken you from tight and right, to loosey goosey, these words are extremely comforting. To sum it up, I loved it. I laughed, I cried, and I got advice that has actually helped improve my sex life.

[Ashley Collins · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed reading this book. It was so fun, straight up revealing, had me laughing out loud and to be totally honest it completely revitalized our marriage. I took most of the challenges at the end of the chapters... and let me just tell you it has brought such excitement and a freshness back into our love life. My husband is a happy man and I'd venture to bet yours will be too if you read this book and implement some of Lucille's "secret sex missions." lol. I loved that she included anonymous quotes from real husbands - what they want and how they see their wives... this was very insightful. When Lucille talks about some hindrances that cause many women to shy away from sex: body image, sexual abuse, unforgiveness, anger, boredom, unmet expectations, and exhaustion, just to name just a few.....it was like she was calling me out... in a big sister sort of way... lol. This book was so empowering and I am SO thankful that this Pastor's wife took a leap of faith to write on such a private topic - one that needs to be discussed more in the Christian community. Too many Christian marriages are silently suffering and I truly believe this book will help so many couples build stronger, healthier, happier marriages. THANK YOU Lucille for being brave and sharing this book with the world.

[Beverly Jones · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is all about striving to find intimacy within your marriage in a way that honors God. God wants married couples to enjoy intimacy, but this topic is often hard to talk about and misconstrued. God is the great Creator and he created man and woman to leave their parents and join together as one. His design is the best design and he wants the best for us.

Lucille Williams's delivery of this topic is spot on. I am as modest as they come and I was able to read this without having too many blushworthy moments. She really teaches you how to have an enjoyable marriage with your spouse and honor God's gifts. There are a lot of helpful tips in this book and I loved being able to see the perspective of men and how they think. It really opened my eyes to the way I should be treating my husband and making sure to always show him respect and appreciation. Lucille's approach is very light-hearted and humorous which makes this book on such a personal topic easier for all types of women to read. I received a complimentary copy of this book from Barbour Publishing and was under no obligation to post a review.

[Kristina · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lucille Williams does not shy away from anything in this book! While sticking to a Biblical view of marriage, this book details how to enhance intimacy in marriage, with many creative names for sex (my personal favorite-baking the potato). I have read numerous Christian books on marriage, and a few focused on intimacy in marriage, but this one stands out to me. I enjoyed the excerpts entitled "What He Wants You to Know", which featured quotes from husbands to dispel common myths believed by women regarding sex. I also was a fan of the challenges at the end of each chapter, designed to spice up you love life. While this books covers serious topics of body image and past sexual trauma, I think overall it takes a very lighthearted approach to what can be a taboo and embarrassing topic for women. I'll be sure to keep an eye out for more books by Lucille Williams, as I enjoyed her candid take on intimacy and appreciated all of the advice throughout this book.

[Marite Matassa · Rating 5 out of 5]

This author is FUN and her books are always SO informational and great reads! I read her first one right before I got married (May) and am just wrapping up her second one, after marriage (April). Both have helped me tremendously in marriage and in preparation of being married! Her first book answered so many questions and helped me prepare for the big day. The intimacy you crave is just as AMAZING! She discusses ways to keep your marriage sacred, intimate, fun, and everything god intended it to be. It’s important for me (as a new bride) to learn ways, that hubby and I can discuss or put into practice, to keep our love for one another intimate, pure, and lifelong. Lucille, you are one incredible writer and I can’t thank you enough for sharing such great tools to help newly married couples and longtime married couples, alike, ways to enjoy our marriages or (revamp if needed)! You are awesome! HIGHLY RECOMMEND!

[Sharon · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I first picked up this book I was thinking okay, I agreed to review this book so I will just get through it! Wow, I was pleasantly surprised at the fresh & humorous content.

I especially loved the Fun Expressions Referring to Sex, and how the author gave the reader permission to add a false cover to the book or put a sticker over the world sex. I didn’t have to do either of those things because once I started reading, I couldn’t put this book down. I finished the entire book in one day!

This is a wonderful book for those who are newly married or someone like myself that has been married 30 years. It is never too late to learn something new, and the last few chapters gave me some great, and fun ideas for keeping the flame glowing.

I received a complimentary copy of this book from Barbour Publishing and was under no obligation to post a review.

[Another_Book_to_Ponder · Rating 5 out of 5]

I kinda got this book by mistake. Truly! Decided to read it... Loved how the author addresses the subject of SEX within a Christian Marriage as well as touches on lots more.. Yep! SEX!!! Now I’m blushing! This will be a book I recommend or give to brides to be at their bridal shower with the recommendation to read at least Part 1! All those “True Love Waits” brides who would love to ask certain questions but would die of embarrassment... this book is for you! The book has 12 Secret Sex Missions, an Ask Him section, What he wants you to know... there is a Resource List of books and websites at the back of the book.

I received a complimentary copy of this book from NetGalley on behalf of the Publisher and was under no obligation to post a favorable review.


[Nichole Camacho · Rating 5 out of 5]

Soooo, I’m not usually the one to pick up a non-fiction book(let alone write a review)! I work & have young children so if I get alone time to read you’d better believe it’s going to be something more fun than yet another voice rattling off their opinions. However, given the topic of this book and the fact that I enjoyed the author’s previous book, I decided to give it a try. SoSoSo good!!! It’s like you’re discussing everything about sex you’ve ever wanted to over coffee with a trusted friend! My hubby and I struggled at the beginning of our marriage (15yrs ago) to find a safe place to ask our questions, eventually we had to dig in and research our own answers (praise God he enjoys reading non-fiction)! Being in full-time Christian ministry we’ve had the opportunity to impart the wisdom we’ve gained to many, but having a tool like this book (and the previous book From Me to We) is such a treat!!! So if you (or a friend) have questions, concerns and/or need encouragement and empowerment on the topic of sexual intimacy inside the Christian marriage, then you’ve found a good place to start! Read up and pray for a safe place you can discuss what you learn. Blessings friend!

[Seana Scott · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lucille Williams writes like she talks—honest, candid, and helpful. In "The Intimacy You Crave," she shares her opinion about real sex issues in marriage in a conversational way that made me think, "Hmm. Good point." Or "Thanks, friend. I needed to hear that." If you are looking for a sister to share from life experience and 25 years of ministry about how you might strengthen intimacy in marriage, then this is a good read to add to your personal library. It also includes helpful conversation starters at the end of each chapter, which aides in applying the concepts of the book into your marriage.

(I received an advance copy of this book for my honest review)

[Wendy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a must read for a Christian woman who wants to have a marriage that glorifies God and honors the marriage that he intended us all to have.
Right from the start Lucille goes straight to the subject with humor, love and biblical wisdom.
This isn't just about what happens in our intimacy with our husband, but it also gives us practical advice on how we are talking to our husband's, are we giving them the respect we should and are we taking care of ourselves to give them pride in having us by their side.
I received a complimentary copy from Barbour Publishing and was under no obligation to post a review.

[Another_Book_to_Ponder · Rating 5 out of 5]

I kinda got this book by mistake. Truly! Decided to read it... Loved how the author addresses the subject of SEX within a Christian Marriage as well as touches on lots more.. Yep! SEX!!! Now I’m blushing! This will be a book I recommend or give to brides to be at their bridal shower with the recommendation to read at least Part 1! All those “True Love Waits” brides who would love to ask certain questions but would die of embarrassment... this book is for you! The book has 12 Secret Sex Missions, an Ask Him section, What he wants you to know... there is a Resource List of books and websites at the back of the book.

[Hillary Baden · Rating 4 out of 5]

I appreciated this book and the author’s transparency, practical advice and Biblical wisdom. It’s very light hearted and easy to read with a ton of applications and prayers.
Though written with the knowledge that women not yet married will likely read this book seeking information and advice, it does go into a fair amount of detail and I’m not sure I’d recommend it beyond the first chapter to that audience.
There is a chapter about abuse that is a potential trigger, but I appreciated that it was acknowledged.

*I received a free digital copy of this book from Netgalley in exchange for my honest review

[Heather Barbour · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely recommend this book to all married couples! I could not put this book down. Not only does it talk about sex, which is a beautiful, amazing, God given thing. It talks about and teaches us women how to be better,stronger wives. I have read a lot of books, but this book will forever be with me in my heart and soul. I have already changed. Plus this book is written by a pastors wife! How awesome is that!

[Brittany Goldberg · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received an e-copy of this book from a Goodreads giveaway. I am not married but in a relationship that moved quickly into a family setting. A difficult topic at times, the author discusses sexuality in marriage with plenty of grace and saves us the embarrassment of “awkward moments.” I learned a lot about my faith and God’s desire for us to love our spouses thoroughly both mentally and physically. Very easy read. Great writer.

[Allison · Rating 2 out of 5]

I’m not sure what I was expecting for a book written about sex from a pastor’s wife but I felt that her advice for better sex was for a woman to act like a 1950’s housewife. It was an interesting read and I learned about things I never really thought of when it came to sex, so maybe I’ll try them out???...

[Jeff Bobin · Rating 4 out of 5]

The most interesting thing about this book is the author is an older women married for over 35 years. She speaks from experience and those that she has worked with.

While she makes a valiant attempt at giving a men's perspective it is the weakest part of the book. She touched on the right things but without the depth I would have liked to see.

[Gab Inez · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was also a lot more than I had expected, but some of it I personally could have done without. I’m sure there are other people who would appreciate those parts, so I don’t fault the author. Certain sections just weren’t my favorite. Overall, though, this was a funny, encouraging book regarding marriage, self-image, and healthy sexual experiences with your husband.

[Carol Damaren · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this book! Lucille Williams has written a book that is a great complement to her first book "from me to we". It is full of encouragement without judgement and it's filled with funny stories that will bring a smile to your face and you'll want to break out the pancake mix! Thank you Lucille!!!

[Morgan · Rating 3 out of 5]

*Giveaway Win, does not influence my review*

This book was okay. A little more on the God side then the intimacy side. I'm also not sure why I read it as a single women but, the writing style was nice 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Julia · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was an interesting book! I appreciated Lucille's sense of humor and her candid nature during the book - her willingness to broach the difficult topic of intimacy in marriage was appreciated. However, I just couldn't connect with the style of this book. It may resonate with some readers but it just wasn't for me.

[Marie Walters · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is funny, practical, and motivating. It's inspired me to make some changes for the better. The author and her husband, Lucille and Mike Williams, recently moved to Arizona from California. They serve in the children's ministry at the church we attend (Palmcroft). My kids love them!

[Vicky · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is fantastic! Very straight forward and fun to read. Great advice about sex from a Christian perspective and great advice about relationships!

[Rissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great information on this topic! It totally refreshed my perspective and gave practical advice to help us all embrace intimacy.