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Listen to the Marriage

John Jay Osborn

3.50 · Rating details · 1,801 ratings · 347 reviews

A riveting drama of marital therapy

Gretchen and Steve have been married for a long time. Living in San Francisco, recently separated, with two children and demanding jobs, they’ve started going to a marriage counselor. Unfolding over the course of ten months and taking place entirely in the marriage counselor’s office, John Jay Osborn’s Listen to the Marriage is the story ...more

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Paperback, 256 pages

Published October 8th 2019 by Picador USA (first published October 23rd 2018)

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· 1,801 ratings · 347 reviews

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May 01, 2018 Elyse Walters rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Yikes....it takes a saint to read “Listen To A Marriage”....or a masochist.....not sure which.......NAILS ON A CHALKBOARD grueling patience!!!
It’s draining and exhausting. Your emotions will be tested. You’ll pretty much hate every character at least once. Best way to avoid this situation that Steve and Gretchen are in....never get married!

All that said.....if you are willing to suffer a little — not be extremely miserable — but be a fly on the wall while Gretchen & Steve sit through their Yikes....it takes a saint to read “Listen To A Marriage”....or a masochist.....not sure which.......NAILS ON A CHALKBOARD grueling patience!!!
It’s draining and exhausting. Your emotions will be tested. You’ll pretty much hate every character at least once. Best way to avoid this situation that Steve and Gretchen are in....never get married!

All that said.....if you are willing to suffer a little — not be extremely miserable — but be a fly on the wall while Gretchen & Steve sit through their therapy sessions for this ENTIRE BOOK....there is an opportunity to examine things that work and don’t work
with couples, “HOW ARE YOU FEELING?”....especially after the shit hits the fan.
Notice the couples communication skills - when they have trouble hearing and acknowledging each other. Or when they become too ‘right’ about proper boundaries at the cost of self expression. Pride - ego - hurt - jealousy - anger- sadness - all of these get explored.

If you are a therapist yourself, you might be curious to see how Sandy ( marriage counselor), measures up to your standards. I’m not a therapist —but I’ve been a student of therapy different times in my life.
I was a little curious about author John Jay Osborn’s background, experience, and research into writing the character of Sandy.
I felt Sandy knew the basics — therapy 101....was a ‘fair’ therapist - but definitely not a great one.

Both Steve and Gretchen have had affairs - they are separated- and have children. When Steve asks Sandy what she thinks their chances are of he and Gretchen getting back together, she says “one in a thousand”.

Steve also asks, “how long have you been a marriage counselor?”
Sandy says, this isn’t going anywhere”.
PERSONALLY ....I THOUGHT IT WAS A FAIR QUESTION
but....
Steve says...."yes it is, I want to know something important. Are we here to make the divorce as peaceful as we can, or are we here to repair the relationship?”
Sandy says: “ those two goals aren’t mutually exclusive”.

As the reader.....you get to be the 4th person in the room! Have fun! You might want to grab a cup of coffee - or a stiff drink! Haha

Thank You Netgalley, Farrar, Straus, and Giroux, and John Jay Osborn ...more

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Feb 01, 2019 Jennifer Tam rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

For me - someone who is just starting the divorce process after 3 years of separation and several tries at marriage counseling - and being sad about it al - this was a very insightful and captivating read - tough at times - but I read about it right when it came out and knew I wasn’t ready to read it anytime sooner and this was the right time for me and I got something out of it

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Dec 19, 2018 Tooter rated it liked it · review of another edition

2.5 Stars. I so wanted to love this book but I just couldn't. It's probably just me because there are a lot of 5 star ratings for this book.

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May 03, 2018 Melissa rated it really liked it · review of another edition

This book GRIPPED ME. When I started reading I just couldn’t put it down.
This book follows the marriage counseling sessions of two successful-on-paper adults as they navigate marriage and love post-betrayal. What I loved about this book was that it was all told through the marriage counselor’s perspective. Everything that “happened” in this book, happened through the eyes of Sandy, the therapist. What made this book so engaging to read, for me, was this interesting narrative tool that Sandy’s ...more

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Aug 30, 2018 Maxine (Booklover Catlady) rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: could-not-put-down, net-galley-reviewed, contemporary-adult, 2018-books-read, 2018-5-star-gems

If you like to delve into something different now and then you can’t go wrong with this book. It was a really fascinating insight into the intricate dance between a husband and wife and their marriage therapist.

Based wholly in the therapist’s rooms the narrator is the therapist and it switches from first to third person. It flows well, we get to hear the counsellor speak to the couple but then also see her inner thoughts. Which are often brutally honest.

The couple, separated and at first ...more

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Oct 14, 2018 Michelle rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: reviewed, ebooks, netgalley

In “Listen to the Marriage” (2018) by award winning author John Jay Osborn: a professional couple from San Francisco, Gretchen and Steve, explore the problems, difficulties and challenges that led to their marital separation. This exceptionally written novel of observational narrative takes place in the office of a highly skilled marital therapist. It is apparent how quickly and easily marriage can be side tracked and derailed: as new ideas, methods and options are presented in dealing with In “Listen to the Marriage” (2018) by award winning author John Jay Osborn: a professional couple from San Francisco, Gretchen and Steve, explore the problems, difficulties and challenges that led to their marital separation. This exceptionally written novel of observational narrative takes place in the office of a highly skilled marital therapist. It is apparent how quickly and easily marriage can be side tracked and derailed: as new ideas, methods and options are presented in dealing with marital conflict.

By the time Gretchen and Steve arrived at Sandy’s counselling office in Fillmore, they were in serious trouble. Steve had already made some drastic changes to become a better husband and father after the discovery of his affair with another woman. A respected businessman and partner in a private equity firm, Steve was a wise, serious and thoughtful man-- and with two small children he desperately wanted to avoid divorce.
Gretchen, a recently tenured professor of English at the University of San Francisco was enjoying an intense, passionate and retaliatory affair with Bill, a married English professor who taught at UCLA. Clearly, her great love for Bill could never last, though she couldn’t entertain that line of reasoning nor give much thought to the difficulties of being a divorced single parent. Steve had also invaded Gretchen’s privacy snooping on her computer and spent $1,500 dollars to obtain a detailed report on Gretchen’s new lover. According to Sandy, this was a normal reaction of a husband who wanted to save his marriage, and asked Steve to share what he had learned from the report.

It was interesting how Sandy challenged Steve and Gretchen on their misguided reasoning and failure to communicate effectively. Throughout the book Gretchen seemed unaware and clueless about Steve, the changes he had made and how desirable he was to other women, including a friend of hers. Marital affairs are only a symptom of larger problems between couples, and blaming one another is rarely productive. Osborne weaves psychological suspense into the story at every turn, as readers wonder if Steve and Gretchen will work together to save their marriage or file for divorce. **With thanks and appreciation to Macmillian via NetGalley for the DDC for the purpose of review. ...more

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May 22, 2018 Lorri Steinbacher rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Read in prepub. Pub date October 2, 2018.

I was hesitant, but I ended up really liking this examination of a single marriage, within a single room, because as unique as Gretchen and Steve's marriage is, that is how universal it is. I started out feeling like a voyeur and ended up in the same state as the therapist, hoping those two crazy kids make it.

All of the "action" of the novel takers place outside of the immediate narrative, all of the emotional "work" takes place in the marriage ...more

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Jun 09, 2018 Celia rated it it was ok · review of another edition

Shelves: book-shelf-former, bookbrowse, 2018-pub, 2018-read, ten-year-challenge

I am quoting my lovely reading friend 's review when I start this review.

"Yikes....it takes a saint to read “Listen To A Marriage”....or a masochist.....not sure which.......NAILS ON A CHALKBOARD grueling patience!!!"

I am not a saint, or a masochist, or do I have the patience. I would only fully read this book if it was the last one on earth. (as it was I read the first 100 pages and skimmed the last 100).

First, the book is misnamed. It should be called Talk About a Marriage... and talk, and ...more

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Jun 30, 2018 Jenny (Reading Envy) rated it it was ok · review of another edition

Shelves: ebooks, reviewcopy, read2018

I was interested in the idea of this novel when I first started it - a couple who has separated going to marriage therapy. But then the same scene kept repeating with not a lot of change or forward momentum. I kept expecting the therapist to snap or reveal something about her own life, to give me some reason for continuing, but I was let down in the end. Maybe as a short story it could have worked, or maybe with more showing instead of telling (since everything has already happened by the time ...more

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Sep 04, 2018 Kasa Cotugno rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: arc, theme-family, theme-psychology, loc-usa-ca-sf

At times, Listen to the Marriage reminded me of In Treatment, the HBO series starring Gabriel Byrne, in which most of the action takes place within the therapist's office. But here we have an in depth analysis of only one couple, Gretchen and Steve, who as the book begins are already living separately. Sandy, their counselor, has issues of her own which are revealed to the reader, but also surprisingly at times to her clients. To someone not versed in therapy or who has never had this ...more

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Dec 20, 2018 Michelle rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: net-galley, 2018

What can a marriage withstand? When do you throw in the towel? How do you fix what is broken? How do you get to the place where it is safe to start over?
I hesitated to read this book after seeing reviews that said it was "slow moving". I however did not find this to be the case. In my opinion Listen to the Marriage was a character study. One that was admittedly at times uncomfortable. It had me squirming in my seat while Sandy the counselor proceeded to lead the conversation in directions that ...more

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Jul 19, 2018 Cindy rated it it was ok · review of another edition

Shelves: goodreads-giveaway

So what did I think? I think I may need counseling after reading this book! Taking place over a period of 10 months and solely in a counselor’s office we read about a marriage that is falling apart and a counselor who attempts to make the couple see their true selves. Frankly I was annoyed with this childish young couple, their conversation , whining, finger pointing, and affairs. I just had no sympathy for them. Sandy, the counselor, was a bit too bizarre for me and she’s the one that I felt ...more

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Jul 08, 2019 Alison Hardtmann rated it liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: library-book

I picked this book up off of my local library's New Books shelf based on the cover art and the concept -- that this is a novel set in a marriage counselor's office and centers on a single, troubled marriage. And, as happens most of the time when I chose a book this way, the experience of reading this book was decidedly mixed.

Gretchen and Steve are separated, contemplating divorce. Steve's a high powered executive and Gretchen is a university professor. They have two kids. Steve had an affair ...more

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Jun 15, 2018 Lolly K Dandeneau rated it liked it · review of another edition

via my blog: https://bookstalkerblog.wordpress.com/
“I honestly don’t know, I’d like him to suffer but he seems to be immune to suffering. He seems to always land on his feet.”

Listen to the Marriage made me realize I would make a terrible therapist, I was so fed up with their issues. You can see all the problems from the outside, of course it’s entirely different when you’re in it. This is the story of Gretchen and Steve, their marriage has fallen apart and it isn’t for any one reason, it never via my blog: https://bookstalkerblog.wordpress.com/
“I honestly don’t know, I’d like him to suffer but he seems to be immune to suffering. He seems to always land on his feet.”

Listen to the Marriage made me realize I would make a terrible therapist, I was so fed up with their issues. You can see all the problems from the outside, of course it’s entirely different when you’re in it. This is the story of Gretchen and Steve, their marriage has fallen apart and it isn’t for any one reason, it never is. Sometimes Sandy, the marriage counselor, drove me nuts. She’s meant to be the calm, maintain the gravity but people don’t really love to open up to walls. I know, they’re adults, we are all meant to be very mature when dissecting our mistakes, seeing the obstructions we place in our own lives, but old hurts, old behaviors are hard to conquer. Steve and Gretchen betray each other with affairs, they want to give up and yet both are still clinging. Gretchen feels nothing ever really lands on Steve, nothing affects him as it does her. Take their children, for example, he certainly treats them as if he is babysitting when it’s his turn (that is a very common complaint women have, at least my generation). Naturally the children are pawns, happens in so many separations and divorces, which makes it a step in the right direction they are in therapy.

Gretchen isn’t perfect, Steve is sort of on a cliff and she seems undecided, do I want him, do I want to end it. She is wounded, and she wants him to feel pain too, it shouldn’t be easy for him to just be forgiven and he gets his marriage and family as is. Who the heck wants to be the victim all the time? She holds the power, though, and he is trying, he does want to change. Steve hasn’t really ever had a chance, nor a reason, to be a better more involved father. This is a chance for him to be present, and when it begins to work she gets scared.

How many marriages could be saved if people could learn to understand their own behavior patterns and each others? It’s a lot of humble pie partners have to swallow, a lot of wrongs each person must own to get past all the wreckage. Is it possible for Steve and Gretchen to remain together, or if it ends, to do so without destroying their children and each other?

I was admittedly sick and tired of the couple, I know there is an important lesson here, learning to listen to my spouse’s needs, not simply my own. Fair is a hilarious word in marriage as much as in life. When exactly has fair ever played into anything? Most of us figure out early on tit for tat gets you nowhere, there is aways fall out. A balanced marriage isn’t an easy thing, both partners have to be willing and present. Even when we ‘know thyself’ and understand why we do what we do, we are creatures of habit and it’s hard to break old ways. When you try to, sometimes your wife/husband won’t let you, because they have seen you as being one way for so long that it’s hard from them to trust the new you, or give you room to grow. Gretchen does that with Steve as much as he belittles her as a person.

Women often feel furious their husband isn’t helping enough as a father all the while refusing to let him take the reins. We often want it done our way, not his. The other side of the coin, what to do if your partner isn’t interested much in parenting? Therapy can’t always fix everyone, some people just aren’t willing. Luckily that’s not the case with Steve and Gretchen, both equally screwing up their family and yet both still wanting it to work, maybe.

If you want to play therapist, this is for you. Taking place in office visits, Sandy guides Steve and Gretchen through marital counseling. I wanted to divorce them both at times, but I also understood each side. Are we all this difficult, self-righteous and self-centered? It’s so hard to see ourselves, isn’t it? We all have our own level of ridiculous.

Publication Date: October 2, 2018

Farrar, Straus and Giroux

...more

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Sep 18, 2018 Borce rated it it was ok · review of another edition

Shelves: self-improvement

Interesting premise, but the writing (nearly all dialogue) felt inauthentic. To me, and maybe it's just me, it didn't sound or feel like how people speak & have conversations. It read like a poorly written sitcom, looking for dramatic plot points. There is a lot of whining, yes, and complaining, and some character growth (also interesting is how the author decided to make the man less emotionally intuitive than the female, but I guess that's the stereotype). The story does get repetitive; ...more

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Nov 28, 2018 Kristen rated it really liked it · review of another edition

I grabbed this from the “Just In” library shelf last week. I loved the title and the cute, little size of the book. Then it showed up on NPR’s book concierge so I was doubly interested! And I was not disappointed. This book reads like the Esther Perel podcast (or, like, any interview with her). I absolutely loved it.

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Apr 14, 2018 Estee rated it liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: arc

"Steve had an investment. Gretchen had an option. They had so much to learn about how to speak about love, Sandy thought. But they were trying."

I have always thought that it would be so interesting to be a therapist and to be able to help people learn to listen and communicate. I like to watch relationship boot camp shows and am a big Esther Perel fan. This book was right up my alley.

This novel is about Gretchen and Steve and their weekly visits to the marriage therapist. There were some ...more

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Oct 23, 2018 Jill Meyer rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Sometimes I read a novel and wonder why the novelist chose to write that story, using those characters. That was my first thought after finishing John Jay Osborn's new book, "Listen to the Marriage". The story is that of three people - two unhappily married and the third the marriage counselor they've hired to help them - and a room with four chairs. Three of the chairs are the same in color and style, while the fourth is totally different. The three people sit in the three same chairs, while ...more

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Jul 19, 2018 Jane rated it liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: goodreads-giveaway-wins

Thanks to Goodreads and Farrar, Straus and Giroux for this ARC.

I have to be honest, I wasn't sure if I was going to enjoy this book since I thought it would be boring about a separated couple and their marriage counselor in one room, taking place over a period of 10 months. It was interesting to say the least and the animosity of this couple with each other. Gretchen was the angry and aggressive one especially with Sandy, the marriage counselor, always challenging her but in the end she softened ...more

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May 29, 2018 Natalie rated it liked it · review of another edition

This book begins as a great concept, listening to the sessions during marriage counseling as a "fly on the wall." However, it soon becomes tedious and repetitive. I feel that this might have been improved if it were extended to the actual experiences that the couple had as they made their way through the sessions, but it actually felt claustrophobic to me. Characters were mentioned and dropped with no development, including those involved with the therapist, which never would have occurred in ...more

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Apr 11, 2018 Kayo rated it liked it · review of another edition

Although I thought it was a fabulous premise, this book didn't thrill me. Drawn out, it just seemed forced.
Thanks to author, publisher and NetGalley for the chance to read this book. While I got the book for free, it had no bearing on the rating I gave it.

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Oct 23, 2019 Kaeleigh Reynolds rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

WOW amazing - a huge story in one little room!

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Jan 22, 2020 Satomi rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: fiction

Through marriage counseling sessions, we see how this separated couple goes through crisis. Honestly I do not understand how they were able to go out with someone else other than their partners, but the reasoning was quite interesting and how they consider and accept the partners adultery.

I received an ARC copy form the NetGalley and this is my sincere review.
I enjoyed reading someone else’s problem.

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Sep 26, 2018 Travel.with.a.book rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

So John Asborne is my all time favourite Author, his writings are extraordinary magnificent and marvellous, they really enchant my mind while reading and all his novels are page-turning!
.
Listen To The Marriage is just another masterpiece from him and it really didn't dissapoint me at all! I think this is the best romance-break up novel that I've read so far!
It really has difficult choices, and mixed emotions within the novel and I highly recommend you to read it!
.
The most important about the ...more

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Jan 03, 2019 Vicki rated it it was ok · review of another edition

Shelves: fiction, 2019

What is this book, exactly? It’s kind of like listening to one of Ester Perel’s podcast episodes of “Where Should We Begin?” A marriage has exploded due to infidelity and lack of honesty. They come to this counselor’s office. It all takes place in the office, and is primarily dialogue. And I guess that’s the limitation of this book: the story isn’t rich enough. If an amazing book about the story of a marriage on the brink (The Department of Speculation, by Jenny Offill, comes to mind) is a 5 ...more

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Feb 08, 2019 Lisa rated it liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: february-2019

Thank you Farrar, Straus and Giroux for giving me access to Listen to the Marriage in exchange for an honest review.

Listen to the Marriage read more like a play than a novel. Sandy is a marriage counselor for Gretchen and Steve and the entire novel takes place over 10 months. Never once is there a scene outside the couselor’s walls and we only know what they choose to share in sessions.
Gretchen and Steve have been married for a while, both successful and have two kids. When Gretchen learns of ...more

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Oct 26, 2018 Dalton rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

I was blown away by this little book. It’s no small feat to be able to create a captivating novel taking place entirely in one room, but John Jay Osborn manages to do just that. This really is “an emotional character study for voyeurs” as Audible Editor Michael Collina states. Thanks almost entirely to the realistic and compelling characters who evolve with each page, Listen to the Marriage proves to be a high point in 2018 literature.

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Apr 27, 2018 Carol rated it liked it · review of another edition

Interesting format. The entire storyline takes place in the office of Sandy, the therapist who is trying to keep a marriage together. Each chapter is a different session; often both Gretchen and Steve, but sometimes one or the other will have a private session as they try to decide to stay together or not.

Thanks NetGalley for the chance to read the advance copy in exchange for an honest opinion.

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Dec 15, 2019 Kari Yergin rated it liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: audio

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.

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Apr 17, 2018 Paula rated it liked it · review of another edition

This book is about a couple who go to marriage counseling for help. Neither of them are very likable characters. I didn't really feel sorry for either one of them, and found them both annoying. I expected there to be more of a story about the therapist, Sandy, as we got a few hints at her life. I actually thought some specific things were going to develop, but none of them did. I won't bore you with what my thoughts were on that subject, but I think they would have made the book more ...more

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