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Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves: Transforming parent-child relationships from reaction and struggle to freedom, power and joy

4.02  ·  Rating details ·  1,291 ratings  ·  126 reviews
An insightful and eloquent guide for parents who wish to raise their children with unconditional love, and empower them to be self-reliant, expressive, caring and able to form close human connections.

About the Author:
Naomi Aldort is a parenting and family counselor, writer and public speaker with clients on three continents. Her advice columns appear in parenting magazine

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Paperback, 280 pages
Published January 1st 2006 by Book Publishers Network
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Average rating 4.02  · 
Rating details
 ·  1,291 ratings  ·  126 reviews


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Start your review of Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves: Transforming parent-child relationships from reaction and struggle to freedom, power and joy
Lindsey
Dec 26, 2011 rated it liked it
In reading parenting books, you rarely find one you'll agree with 100%. The trick really is to take the good and leave the bad. The book is a good book if the good outweighs the bad. Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves did contain quite a bit of good. However, it also contained, in my opinion, an awful lot of bad.

I'll start with the good this book had to offer. It is true that far too many people do not view children as people. Our society tends to place them somewhere around a well loved pe
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Kit
Aug 04, 2008 rated it liked it
I just reread this. I found it more helpful now that my daughter is older than when I read it previously. It definitely gave me some new ideas about how to deal with my daughter's anger and hatred. However, I still found a lot of the advice unrealistic. I would love to never have to take my daughter on errands when she didn't want to go, drop everything I need to do around the house to attend to her desire for my company, etc..., but I don't know how to balance that with having food available, a ...more
Katie
Jul 18, 2011 rated it did not like it
I read this back when my oldest was very young and it seemed chock full of hurtful ideology that made the mother nothing but a guilt-riddled self-denying martyr and the child a slave to his or her own whims. I put it aside, cringing a little at her harsh tone. Then recently a friend informed me that Aldort had falsified her credentials and was a fraud. There's a lot more information on this blog:

It's a three part investigative series that proves without a doubt that Naomi Aldort has deliberately
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Cortney
Sep 07, 2011 rated it liked it
Aldort has some good points and suggestions, but this wouldn't be a parenting book if it didn't come across as a little self-indulgent and heavy handed. I took a lot away from reading it, but much of it seems unrealistic and unfounded. The worst part being, of course, the rather stilted but supposedly real dialogue between parents and kids. It's worth reading, but make the suggestions work for you, don't just take it as a parenting bible.
Stephanie
Apr 01, 2014 rated it did not like it
I think it's a little too far in one direction for me. I parent with compassion and I don't coerce and bribe or guilt my kids, but I also do set limits. I don't have time to play a power game in which I pick up all of my recycling 24 times until my kid is fulfilled.
Kate
Feb 12, 2008 rated it it was amazing
So helpful for helping our children--and ourselves--handle our emotions.
Penny
Apr 17, 2009 added it
This book was amazing and totally changed the way I respond to relationships in my life, be it my husband, children or friends. A wonderful book!
Nicole
Jun 21, 2009 rated it really liked it
Shelves: parenting
So far it's all right. I think it has a lot of valid points regarding not shutting kids down. She promotes letting kids express themselves, and validating their emotions instead of getting caught up in your own reaction. I think it's a complicated relationship... you don't want to create combative situations with children, but you also want them to do things like eat their dinner... I'm confused.

----Finished reading---

I'm passing it on to my sister, who is rethinking her parenting strategy in te
...more
Stephanie
Feb 03, 2012 rated it really liked it
Naomi Aldort's parenting advice in Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves is for everyone who seeks to authentically show their children how much they love them by treating them with dignity and respect. Most useful to me is Aldort's "S.A.L.V.E." formula, which is a method of communication with your child (really, I think it would be useful in any relationship) wherein you do the following:
S = Separate yourself from your child's behavior and emotions with a Silent Self-Talk. The key idea here i
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Εφη
Aug 20, 2012 rated it it was ok
This book has a lot of valid points. Its a good read, but not to be taken seriously...

I think any parent should take time with their kids instead of reading "how-to-raise-your-child" books.

Take a walk at the park, its much more valuable.

We are a generation grown up with tecnology, and used to "how-to" books an manual. We are a generation of parents who want to make everythig "perfect" for aour children.

Well, its time to accept the fact - there is no "manual" about raising a child. No one has to
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Paula
Feb 10, 2013 rated it really liked it
Based on the principles of attachment parenting this book may be challenging for some parents - but there are good lessons and strategies to be taken from Aldort's book. My hope is that parents are willing to "raise themselves" and become aware of their own limitations and projections which hinder their ability to raise a self-connected child. Few adults have been parented in the way Aldort sets out in this book. It holds promise for those seeking a different paradigm in which to raise their own ...more
Leah
Aug 05, 2008 rated it it was ok
I only made it through the first few chapters and then skimmed the rest. There are definitely some helpful insights in this book, but for the most part I found the hyper-analysis of situations/interactions exhausting and the dialogues that were supposedly based on real-life seemed cheesy and implausible.
Lisa Van Oosterum
Sep 07, 2010 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: non-fiction
This is the single best parenting book I have ever read. Kind of new-age-ish, but that is my style. Life changing.
Duk
Jan 23, 2011 rated it it was amazing
This is one of the parenting books that I will reread every year or so just to remind myself how to be a good parent. This book is really filled with great advice which I couldn't agree more.
Jetsettica
Sep 14, 2009 rated it it was amazing
Be loyal to your kids. Be a badass defender of your kids. Dont systematically undermine your kids. Funny that we should need a book to tell us this but in this culture we really do. Aldort is a badass mom who totally makes you listen to your gut and helps you to part with those furtive modes of violence that your learned from your own parents and from teachers growing up. revolutionize your parenting and make the world a better place for yourself, your kid and everybody else.
Rhonda
Jul 24, 2008 rated it it was amazing
Probably the best parenting book I have ever read! Her concepts are similar to Marshall Rosenberg's or Alfie Kohn's, but as a therapist herself, she gives plenty of concrete examples. I wish I had read it when pregnant with my first child.
Chris W
Jan 22, 2011 rated it it was amazing
Naomi Aldort's Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves is a must-read for any parent. The thrust of the book is that children deserve the same respect and understanding that we give to adults. But then it's jam-packed with information on how to do that, even when everything looks absolutely hopeless. And with real-world examples that show just how well that respect actually works, it's easy to see why giving your children this respect works so much better in the long run than the disciplinarian ...more
Tanya W
Jan 01, 2009 rated it liked it
This wasn't a compelling read for me, I admit I got 1/2-2/3 of the way through and ran of renews at the library, I didn't like it enough to want to check it out again to finish.

It was an interesting approach to parenting, in my opinion too child-centered (never say no parenting), and not very realistic. It would probably work better in a small family with 2 children that are a couple of years or so apart. I prefer parenting books that give more concrete ideas for influencing behavior and exampl
...more
Mary
Feb 06, 2008 rated it really liked it
This is an extremely confronting, thought-provoking and doubt-inducing parenting book. If things are going great with your kids and your parenting, don't read it. But if you're in need of an attitude adjustment and a new way of looking at living with kids you might give this a try. It presents a radically different way of living with kids than the conventional wisdom dicatates in regards to discipline, rules, and communicating with kids. I am unable and unwilling to adopt Aldort's view exactly a ...more
Cara
Feb 24, 2010 rated it really liked it
I really enjoyed this book. While I did not agree with everything in it, found it thought provoking. It facilitated insights into some of my own parenting behaviors, how my own history effects my reactions to my children, and helped me to feel more choiceful about my parenting choices. I took notes while reading this and am continuing to explore myself and my reactions related to some of the authors discussions. Really, what more can you ask for from a parenting book.
Audra
Apr 14, 2014 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: parenting
Really beautiful stuff about how to use validation and awareness to support our children's emotional growth. I feel that some of the negative views are from those unfamiliar with these approaches, who assume that there are no boundaries with this style of parenting -- despite Naomi discussing boundaries and creating safe environments throughout the book. I highly recommend this to anyone who loves the work of Alfie Kohn, Daniel Hughes, Heather Forbes, or other such authors.
Malina
Sep 24, 2007 rated it really liked it
Recommends it for: parents & all who influence kids
Shelves: parenting
This is a good book about learning to shut up and listen to your kids and learn how to teach them the way you really want to. While things aren't addressed perfectly, there are many good ideas and the stories can be helpful. A great conversation starter at a book club. Be a peaceful parent. :)
Lisa
Feb 27, 2008 rated it it was amazing
life changing book! really helped me change for the better and ultimately repair my relationship with my first born son
started me on my path of truly trusting my children on every aspect of their lives
I recommend this book to all parents of all children from newborn to teenager
Carrie S
Feb 03, 2008 rated it it was amazing
Very enlightening! One of my favorites, although I prefer her CDs.
Nancy
Apr 11, 2008 rated it it was amazing
I learned a lot. Her advice makes sense, but it is hard. Her website is a good resource as well. Also really good is Scott Noelle's website.
Sue
Jun 11, 2008 rated it it was amazing
Great advice and great opportunity to grow as a parent and as a spouse/friend/daughter/fellow human being.
Amy
Sep 04, 2008 rated it did not like it
Alright, I'm an Aldort convert. Great ideas. Great theories. It's kind of an unconditional parenting how-to book. Every one should read it.
Amy
Feb 25, 2009 is currently reading it
This book is really helpful in understanding how hard it can be for a child to deal with a new sibling.
Amanda
Oct 09, 2009 rated it it was amazing
Probably one of the most important parenting books out there. A must read for parents who want authentic loving relationships with there children.
drowningmermaid
You come home from a long, hard day at the country club and find that your child has murdered the family pets and scattered limbs and eyeballs all over your overpriced, matching living room set. And this just before important dinner guests arrive! Knowing that there is nothing your child can do that would cause you to lose love for your child, you take a moment, breathe deeply and imagine yourself unattached to any outcome, not needing any response from your child other than that they be exactl ...more
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