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Do You Have Kids?: Life When the Answer Is No

3.97  ·  Rating details ·  64 ratings  ·  35 reviews
Weaving together stories from non-moms aged thirty-seven to ninety-one, a growing body of research, and the author’s own story, Do You Have Kids? probes the non-mom's entire adulthood—from the morphing meaning of family to what she leaves behind when she dies.

Today about one in five American women will never have children, whether by choice or by destiny. Yet few women ta
Kindle Edition
Published April 2nd 2019 by She Writes Press
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3.97  · 
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 ·  64 ratings  ·  35 reviews

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The Captain
Apr 02, 2019 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: nonfiction
Ahoy there me mateys!  Though this log’s focus is on sci-fi, fantasy, and young adult, this Captain does have broader reading tastes. So occasionally I will share some novels that I enjoyed that are off the charts (a non sci-fi, fantasy, or young adult novel), as it were. I received this non-fiction eARC from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.  So here be me honest musings . . .

do you have kids? life when the answer is no (Kate Kaufmann)

Q: "Do you have kids?"

A: No.

This title caught me e
Mel (Epic Reading)
Jan 21, 2019 rated it really liked it
Shelves: arc-netgalley
About half of this book was not what I had hoped for. But the half that was is excellent. I would say it's a 3.5 but I'm rounding up to acknowledge Kate Kaufmann for writing the book and for her extensive research into the subject with interviews and using statistics. RTC.

Pre-read thoughts---------------------------------------------------------
I am very interested in this book and glad to receive an ARC from Netgalley.
As a woman who is unable to carry to term, encouraged not to try and concei
Abbie | ab_reads
May 26, 2019 rated it liked it
Thank you @jkscommunications for sending me this book to review! While it wasn’t perfect, I do think it’s worth picking up to open up the conversation more around a topic that many people still find awkward. I know from experience how awkward it is trying to justify your choice not to have children to people who can’t understand why, and of course there are those women for whom children are not an option due to biology, and senseless questions of ‘Why don’t you have kids?’ can trigger painful
Being childfree by choice is not very common in the conservative Midwest where I live. Saying "I don't want kids" is almost akin to saying "I hate them, I hate them all." But that doesn't have to be true. I'm a member of several Facebook groups and have read several books about women who actually really like kids but don't want their own for one reason or another. I wish there wasn't such a stigma surrounding not having kids.

This book covers many topics - from being a "stepgrandmother" to aging
Ashley Gillan
Jan 23, 2019 rated it it was amazing
I was really excited when I saw this book available for request: its a subject that is near and dear to my heart as a childfree woman, and its not really something that has been previously discussed much. It’s still so taboo in our culture.

This book takes that taboo on headfirst, bringing the stories of women who are childless either by choice or by chance, and talking about how that situation impacts their lives, through relationships with friends and the children that inevitably come into the
Feb 03, 2019 rated it really liked it
Shelves: netgalley
As someone who is childfree, it was interesting for me to read the stories of a lot of different women and their life paths. The author really put a lot of work into creating this book.

It was also good to read about the different living situations, especially for older people. Eye opening and I’m glad I found this book.

I received this book from netgalley in exchange for an honest review
Feb 14, 2019 rated it it was amazing
She Writes Press, 2019. As a writer and blogger about childlessness, I sometimes feel that every book on the subject is basically the same, but Kaufmann’s book, coming out in April, offers a refreshing new take on the subject. She gives equal space to both the childless by the choice and the childless by chance and does not linger on the baby/no baby choice, but dives right into what it’s like when you don’t have children in a world where four out of five women do. Skillfully blending her own ex ...more
I didn't dislike this book, but did not want to finish it. Although I find this to be my situation in life, I think I am comfortable enough being there at this point that I decided to shelve this book halfway through.
Sheila Lord
Feb 08, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I wanted to read this book because like the woman in this book I also have no children and wanted to see what other woman had to say about their reasons why they don’t have children,I found it very informative and a definite read for those like us that don’t have kids for one reason or another ......I believe it’d even be interesting to those that do have children........
Feb 20, 2019 rated it really liked it
This was an excellent read. I enjoyed the different perspectives of the women and how the author intertwines her own story within the book. The most eye opening part was the discussion about how childfree and childless women are more susceptible to cancer, this was something I didn't know before but makes sense. She gives excellent advice on how to make sure you look after yourself, to enable you to detect it early. I would definetly recommend this book to women who have children and those witho ...more
This was such a relatable book. Even though I felt like the target audience of Do You Have Kids?: Life When the Answer is No is for older women without kids, or women experiencing infertility, I could really understand and relate to most of the life stories featured in this book. It also made me feel less ashamed of my (current) desire to being childfree (I might change my mind about having kids in the future though).

“Do you have kids?”
I’ve been asked this question a handful of times since I gr
May 14, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Author Kate Kaufmann has culled together important insights regarding the experiences of childfree women and how they navigate existence in a mother-centric society. Weaving together personal stories, substantive studies, and a chapters on key topics (work life, home life, friendships, family, leaving a legacy, etc.) "Do You Have Kids? Life When The Answer Is Know" celebrates the childfree woman and offers helpful information and guidance. This book is well-written, thought-provoking, and long o ...more
Jun 19, 2019 rated it liked it
I'm not sure why, but after I finished this book I felt kind of depressed. It's not a depressing book, but does deal a lot with uncertainty, loss, absence, etc.
Lindsey Schultz
Jan 17, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: favorites
I had the great privilege of receiving an advance copy of this book and am thrilled to report that this book is unlike any I've ever read.

Kate's book is oriented around women without children, but it is an eye-opening guide for those of us with children and how to relate those who don't. The women's stories are captivating, heartbreaking, hopeful, and joyful...all at the same time. For the number-lover, this book is chock-full of stats and studies, bringing a different side of the conversation
Jun 26, 2019 rated it liked it
As someone who has chosen to be childfree, I was really excited to read this one. Unfortunately, it was kind of a let down and the end was pretty depressing. As the author points out there are usually two types of women without children - those who chose not to have children and those who can't have children, but may have wanted them. The author falls into the second camp and I think that fact makes the focus of the book lean more in that direction. She spends a lot of time talking about step-pa ...more
Kathleen Garber
Jun 30, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Okay so it’s kind of weird that I reviewed this book because I have 5 kids. But that illustrates just why I said yes. I was curious. What IS life without kids like? I know some people live without kids because they can’t get pregnant but for those who choose childlessness, I just couldn’t understand. What do they do when they are older? Who takes care of them? These are all answers I got by reading this book.

The various chapters cover different topics such as who childless adults are, how they m
Jun 09, 2019 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: non-fiction
As a woman who has made the conscious choice not to have children myself, I was naturally excited when I saw this book. It's not a topic you'd just ask another childless woman about, in case her story is a painful one for her. I know my own reasons. But I've always wished I could talk to other women about it, too. So when I saw this book, I immediately bought it and started reading.
However, unfortunately, it fell a bit short for me.
The focus of this book is mainly on women who would really have
Ashley *Booksbrewsandbarks*
Mar 30, 2019 rated it really liked it
This book is something that is needed for this generation. As someone who is also choosing not to have kids, it is comforting to see that books are being written to support this decision as well as to look at the matter of procreation from many different points of view. I appreciated that the author wrote with an open mind but also added her own personal experiences with infertility, never preaching, just educating the reader. She did a great job at exhibiting different individual experiences in ...more
Heather Durham
Jun 07, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: nonfiction
As a middle-aged woman with no kids, I expected to resonate with many of the stories and discussions in this book, and I was not disappointed. It was deeply satisfying to feel, in a way, as if my own voice was heard. What was surprising and delightful, however, was the diversity of stories in this book. Real stories from real women who may have nothing more in common than that they don’t have children. Fascinating, accomplished, unique lives expressed in their own words.

In this collection, Kauf
Heather Hay
Jul 09, 2019 rated it liked it
I appreciated reading from women about this topic, however I hadn't related to them regarding my personal experience. If someone asks me why I don't have kids I consider it differently. It's as if someone asked me "Why don't you ski?" or "Why don't you read military historical reference books about tanks?" The answer is the same as why I don't have kids. I know those hobbies are out there, but they just haven't interested me. I don't think I ever saw having kids as something I should consider as ...more
Jan 31, 2019 added it
Admittedly I'm not the target for this book as I do have children, but that wasn't always the case and I love when a book can challenge me with a new perspective. It was fascinating to read about some of the concerns that not having children can weigh on women (cancers, aging, etc). The "How to talk to Non-Moms" section at first seemed a bit ridiculous. We need conversational road maps in dealing with someone whose life is different? I considered my own conversations with non-moms and realized f ...more
Patrick Stein
Apr 17, 2019 rated it it was amazing
I thought this book was going to be an analysis of the slights and prejudices and microagressions faced by women without children. I thought I was going to thoroughly enjoy it.

Well, I'm pleased to say that it's so much more than an analysis of the slights and prejudices and microgressions faced by women without children. And, I thoroughly enjoyed it.

This book draws on the experience of dozens and dozens of different women to paint a wide-sweeping picture of what brought different women to be chi
Apr 05, 2019 rated it it was amazing
I was fascinated by the concept of this book. Being a childfree by choice woman, the title of this book spoke to me. It was full of really interesting concepts - for instance, a woman who earns higher-level degrees is also less likely to have children. The connection between religious-less-ness and a lack of children was quite absorbing as well. I found myself nodding along, saying, "yep, that's right" and "yep, that's me" quite a bit. This was a really great read, and I think would be eye-openi ...more
Connie Connally
Jun 19, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Childlessness (whether voluntary or involuntary) is a huge, difficult topic, but Kate Kaufmann has approached it well. I especially appreciate the chapters on less frequently discussed aspects of the childless life, like what you do in old age when you're no longer able to take care of yourself. Or who you share end-of-life decisions with. Kaufmann considers the many ways in which childless people must develop and depend on relationships outside family. This is a helpful book.
Bonnie Hirst
Jun 05, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Kate Kaufmann's book, Do You Have Kids?: Life When the Answer is No, gave me a new appreciation of the roadblocks and obstacles that childless/childfree women can face. Her book is filled with researched information that opened this readers eyes. Interspersed with personal stories of her own childless journey, this book is a great read!
Tina Panik
Intelligent, practical, well-researched, and insightful, this book helps women without children navigate, understand, and process the kid-centric mindset of other women. Read this in order, or select the chapters that resonate. The Sample conversation starters at the end are especially valuable.
Jan 29, 2019 rated it really liked it
Very informative. Covers a lot of information. Nicely done.

Thanks to ,publisher and Netgalley for the chance to read this book. While I got the book for free,it had no bearing on the rating I gave it.
Jul 15, 2019 rated it really liked it
A bit heavy, but good if you're thinking about these issues. Could have done a better job addressing differences of gender and sexuality, but did better than I expected.
Jan 17, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Great. I recommend this to everyone who needs a good informative book.
Feb 14, 2019 rated it really liked it
Pub date: Apr 2019
Being childfree myself, I was very interested when I saw this book come up on NetGalley. It didn't just address my experience with losing friends when they had kids, and reacting defensively when people ask me if I have kids ("no, but I have lots of nieces and nephews" in trying to get across that just because I don't have kids, I DO like them), but had loads of other viewpoints including those from childless viewpoints. I'm so glad I live in a place where I'm not stigmatized,
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