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The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did)
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The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did)

4.13  ·  Rating details ·  2,367 ratings  ·  248 reviews

This book is about how we have relationships with our children, what gets in the way of a good connection and what can enhance it

The most influential relationships are between parents and children. Yet for so many families, these relationships go can wrong and it may be difficult to get back on track.

In The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will Be

Kindle Edition, 240 pages
Published February 4th 2020 by Penguin (first published March 7th 2019)
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Average rating 4.13  · 
Rating details
 ·  2,367 ratings  ·  248 reviews

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Jan 18, 2019 rated it really liked it
Psychotherapist Phillipa Perry provides sound common sense advice for parents on how to improve their relationships with their children, much of which will be familiar to professionals that work with children. It is easy to understand, with highly accessible material and ideas on how to improve home life and make it a significantly happier environment. Perry puts a necessarily strong emphasis on parents putting in the effort to understand themselves and the nature of how they themselves were ...more
Apr 09, 2019 rated it it was ok
I really hated this book. I can't relate at all to the author's assumptions that everything you find difficult about looking after a kid (even a baby) goes back to the way you yourself were neglected as a child. Honestly, babies are just a LOT of work, and it's completely reasonable to get fed up, even if you had a perfect upbringing! So that background irritation made it a lot harder to sift the text for possibly useful advice on how to handle those frustrations. There was some, of course, ...more
Jan 23, 2020 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: Those starting a family
Recommended to Hilary by: Found in the library
This is a lovely book for anyone starting a family. I skimmed some as my children are virtually adults and from what I've read I completely agree with Philipa. Give your children loads of patience, attention, be there for them whenever they need you and they should grow into happy independent individuals. In short, the more time, attention and care you give them when they are small the less time you will have to spend sorting out problems when they are older. I agree with Philipa, I think it's ...more
H.A. Leuschel
Sep 19, 2019 rated it really liked it
This was a good read with some very useful tips to think about for anyone who either is a parent or questions the way they have been brought up, written in a compassionate and clear style.
Jul 17, 2019 rated it liked it
This was an interesting read insofar as it pushes the boundaries of how useful a parenting guide can be without considering patriarchal power. Unlike the vast majority of parenting guides, Philippa Perry's The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read gives mostly sensible, empathetic advice for how to relate to people (most of the things she says could apply to relationships with anybody, although are especially relevant to your own children because of how much time you spend with them and how much ...more
Amy Alice
Fantastic. I'm going to listen to this every year. My strong and personal belief is that relationships rule all. Parenting, teaching, being a good friend...and this bottles that idea and gave me all the reasons why the author think this too, and the science to back it up. It's therapy heavy, it's probably going to make a lot of people mad or guilty, but I loved it.
Elaine Mullane
3.5 stars

I often try to read books on parenting, more for insight really, but if I can take some tips from it - great! This relatively short book is broken into sections, each detailing how to engage with your child and approach various situations. I found it to be both interesting and practical, and I really appreciated Perry's approach of trying to understand things from your child's perspective before you act.

I particularly enjoyed the section on socialisation and the qualities children (and
Jan 29, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: read-2019
I am not a parent and I got SO much out of this book. Philippa Perry is one of my favourite psychotherapy writers and frankly I'd read a book about paint drying if it had her name on the front cover.

I feel like I understand the children in my life - and myself when I was a child - better after reading this. On the whole, society doesn't encourage us to see things from a child's point of view - we are quick to dismiss their feelings as "being silly" and so on. I will never do that again after
Aug 27, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Absolutely brilliant and I dont think you need to have children to take something away from this book. ...more
Claire Hennighan
I don't normally read self-help books, but I'd recently had a training session about the use of psychotherapy in schools, a lot of which spoke to me as a parent, and I was keen to find out more. This book is a game-changer. I'm glad that I've read it now, as a parent of a 10 and 7-year-old, but I really wish I'd read it earlier. I'll be buying it for pregnant friends in future!

This is not a book providing quick fixes and solutions, but rather one which will increase your understanding of what
Sarah Watt
Sep 12, 2019 rated it it was ok
Has some sensible but not earth-shattering advice about listening to and validating feelings. Overall it advocates a very intensive parenting style that in my view we can't possibly have evolved to need (it's telling that the author only had one child). It comes across as more opinion than evidence-based psychology, steeped in a particular sub-culture, and some of the assertions border on the ridiculous.
Jun 25, 2019 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: books-read-2019
Parenting is never easy. There is no right way to do it, but there are plenty of wrong ways and for those that are interested there are a plethora of books out there that claim to provide all the advice that you will ever need in raising your genetic heritage. This, however, comes with the by-line, this is a parenting book for people who dont buy parenting books, which is quite a bold claim. Psychotherapist Philippa Perry is well placed to make this claim with two decades of experience of case ...more
Kirsty Connell-Skinner
May 27, 2019 rated it it was amazing
The antidote to Philip Larkins This Be The Verse ...more
Jul 17, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
If you read one parenting book make it this one.

Firstly, its so easy to read, meaning difficult concepts are explained throughly and great examples used.

Secondly, good to read for all ages, pregnancy to adulthood.

Thirdly, great advice.
Rachel H
Jan 27, 2020 rated it it was ok
Shelves: nonfiction
I saw so many five star reviews for The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read that I had to see what all the hype was about. I had high expectations and I was disappointed.

The book starts well with a section about your parenting legacy. This encourages the reader to unpack one's childhood experiences and traumas and see how they can affect one's parenting. I found this fascinating and it would be good to see this topic expanded into a full book.

The following chapters went downhill. Perry starts
Diego  Silva
Jan 24, 2020 rated it it was amazing
Invaluable lessons on how to become a more empathetic, less judgemental and reasonable parent. It has helped in connecting with my daughter and realising old patterns in my parenting.

I highly recommend it!
Jan 07, 2020 rated it it was ok
Argghh! What an infuriating book. Perry has some really useful insights and practicle advice that make a lot of sense (some of which I'll no doubt do...or at least consider). Unfortunately it's presented in such a black and white, patronising, judgemental (although everything is suffixed 'I'm not judging but...') way, I wanted to hurl it across the room. Some of the propositions border on the absurd - Perry's own mea culpa (if you can even call it that) was that her adult daughter has a bad ...more
Gill Stevas-Russ
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Jenny Nguyen
Nov 12, 2019 rated it really liked it
Shelves: 2019
This is not a conventional parenting book. It's less about your child(ren), but more about you (parents). Philippa Perry, an experienced psychotherapist, urges a rethinking and re-examination of parents's childhood, persuading us that whatever happens in our childhood would have an effect on our adulthood and how bringing up a child would resurface many of hidden childhood issues. And since no parents are or can be perfect, there's always something to reflect on. Then it's essential, according ...more
Juliet Mike
Interesting perspectives concerning babies and very young children but also unrealistic and annoying if applied to teenagers. It kind of assumes your child is nice and reasonable and behaves only with innocent motives. It assumes a parent has been able to overcome their own childhood issues and has unlimited quality emotional support from partner, parents and friends and no mental health issues of their own. They are then supposed to be endlessly available to attend to their child's feelings and ...more
Ann T
Oct 31, 2019 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Thank you Penguin UK and Netgalley for this ARC.

Philippa Perry is a psychotherapist and I truly appreciated her forgiving, kind hearted approach to parenting in the book. It is not often in todays society that parents are given permission to acknowledge we dont always get it right in an in judgmental way. It is a refreshing approach and I am sure many parents would have had times when this book would have been like a big hug on tough days.

I enjoyed reading about how our parenting is affected
Lauren Beckett
Sep 02, 2019 rated it it was amazing
This is perhaps the most important and life-changing book I've ever read. The first half felt like therapy for me to work through how I was parented and for me to realise the generational patterns I have been repeating when raising my little girl that are not innate, accidental or just the way I am (as I thought) but can be changed and worked on. It has made me much more mindful of my words and behaviour with my daughter and indeed everyone. Since reading this I'm now an avid listener of Janet ...more
Kim Plowright
Jun 10, 2019 rated it it was amazing
I was worried about reading this book, because Im still sorting grieving my parents, whilst coming to terms with being childless and perimenopausal. Thought it might be a bit... well, triggery. But it was honest, straightforward, gently funny and kind, and helped me think about some stuff in my own upbringing in a useful way. The simple advice about how relating to people actually works in the real world feels slightly like magic, and the idea that honest attempts at repairing problems is more ...more
Mar 18, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Philippa has written a book that faces real life head on. It's generous and realistic and forgiving, and more than anything else I've read about parenting encourages you to be all of these things towards yourself and your children: to embrace fallibility rather than fetishising perfection, and to live by relating to each other as you actually are rather than as you think you ought to be.

Above all, for me, this is a book about the transforming force of listening and learning and loving *together*
Abdul Sharif
Aug 25, 2019 rated it really liked it
A brilliant read to understand your own self - highlights quite a few traits, whether it's trusting, sharing your emotions, how you deal with stress, general day to day behaviour .. and how it's linked to your childhood upbringing.

It's very well written and has quite a few examples on how to deal with certain situations, for example when your kid is throwing a tantrum, or how you can build trust, or how a parent should tackle difficult conversations/topics. This book challenged quite a few of my
Roshni N
Aug 27, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Life-changing. I have recommended this book to so many people, including my own Mum. Its not only changed how I think and act in my relationships with my own parents (I dont have children yet), but also with those around me in general. One to dip in and out of at different points during my life for sure ...more
Elsbeth Kwant
Empathy, connection - how you should be to your children, as you would like to be done to. How you should build a during relationship in childhood. A useful reminder.
Ingrid Sharp
Sep 11, 2019 rated it it was amazing
I've turned down almost every page corner to refer back to. So much good stuff.
Aug 29, 2019 rated it it was amazing
I WISH I HAD READ THIS BOOK 10 YEARS AGO. It was so good and for whatever reason, her way of describing things just makes sense in a way that I feel it still can help me be a better parent.
Bartley Sharkey
There are many reasons to read this book, whether you have kids, are expecting a new arrival or even if you have no intention of having children. I'll mention three that I find particularly compelling; first, Philippa Perry really emphasises something that it appears many parents or people don't quite seem to grasp - children are also people. Trying to impose your will or be anything less than totally genuine with them will have the same effect on them as it would on other people, resistance and ...more
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Philippa Perry, author of How to Stay Sane, is a psychotherapist and writer who has written pieces for The Guardian, The Observer, Time Out, and Healthy Living magazine and has a column in Psychologies Magazine. In 2010, she wrote the graphic novel Couch Fiction, in an attempt to demystify psychotherapy. She lives in London and Sussex with her husband, the artist Grayson Perry, and enjoys ...more

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