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Why Was I Adopted?
Celebrating this classic's twentieth year in print, Why Was I Adopted? provides parents with a tool for helping their child understand the unique circumstances of their birth into an adoptive family.Offering honest, clear explanations for some of the possible issues that an adopted child may face growing up, this book answers such questions as - How do adopted children deal with the fact that they may look nothing like their parents or siblings? What if they were adopted from another country? - Why did the birth parents give up the child? - How did the adoptive parents find the child? - Does being adopted mean the child is any better or worse than other children? - What if one day the child wants to know his or her birth parents?Why Was I Adopted? explains away much of the initial confusion, instills a feeling of uniqueness in an adopted child, and encourages open lines of communication with parents.
44 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1960
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Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews
September 3, 2020
Going through old piles and came across this book. Looking at it through new eyes, the title of this book seems kind of aggressive, no?
As a new adoptive parent, you tend to buy all the kid books about adoption to help explain adoption to your child when they are young, but looking at this through new eyes, I don’t like this title. My 16 year old son (who we adopted at birth) said “Yikes!” when he saw the book. He had a very negative reaction to the book’s title.
One thing I DO know as a parent of both a son I gave birth to and a son I adopted: WORDS. MATTER. It matters how you word things. I can’t tell you how many times people have asked if I have any “natural” kids, as if my other ones are “unnatural”. People ask if I have any kids “of my own”. They’re all “my own”. People ask if I have any “real” kids, as if my others aren’t “real”. Or ask about my son’s “real” parents, as if we’re his fake parents. And sure you may think I’m being absurd as the opposite words “unnatural” “unreal” or “fake” are not people’s intention when they ask about my kids. But I can tell you 100% that those are the messages sent when those questions are asked in front of my kids. Words are important.
So maybe I’m making a big deal out of the title of this book. But if these words are enough to make my 16 year old son feel uncomfortable, it’s worth bringing up. Because he’s probably one of the most secure people in regards to his own adoption, as he has always known his story and has always known his birthmom and has had her love his entire life. So if this title bothers my son, I think it’s worth discussing.
By the way, I read the entire book just now, and I’m thankful I NEVER read this to my kids as children because this book, while well intentioned, is FULL of harmful language and messages. It literally tells the child they should feel lucky they were adopted and that only special adults are capable of being adoptive parents. It also says that while your birth parents gave you the gift of birth, your adoptive parents are the ones who love you NOW, which implies that the child’s birth parents no longer love them, which is HORRIBLE!
As a new adoptive parent, you tend to buy all the kid books about adoption to help explain adoption to your child when they are young, but looking at this through new eyes, I don’t like this title. My 16 year old son (who we adopted at birth) said “Yikes!” when he saw the book. He had a very negative reaction to the book’s title.
One thing I DO know as a parent of both a son I gave birth to and a son I adopted: WORDS. MATTER. It matters how you word things. I can’t tell you how many times people have asked if I have any “natural” kids, as if my other ones are “unnatural”. People ask if I have any kids “of my own”. They’re all “my own”. People ask if I have any “real” kids, as if my others aren’t “real”. Or ask about my son’s “real” parents, as if we’re his fake parents. And sure you may think I’m being absurd as the opposite words “unnatural” “unreal” or “fake” are not people’s intention when they ask about my kids. But I can tell you 100% that those are the messages sent when those questions are asked in front of my kids. Words are important.
So maybe I’m making a big deal out of the title of this book. But if these words are enough to make my 16 year old son feel uncomfortable, it’s worth bringing up. Because he’s probably one of the most secure people in regards to his own adoption, as he has always known his story and has always known his birthmom and has had her love his entire life. So if this title bothers my son, I think it’s worth discussing.
By the way, I read the entire book just now, and I’m thankful I NEVER read this to my kids as children because this book, while well intentioned, is FULL of harmful language and messages. It literally tells the child they should feel lucky they were adopted and that only special adults are capable of being adoptive parents. It also says that while your birth parents gave you the gift of birth, your adoptive parents are the ones who love you NOW, which implies that the child’s birth parents no longer love them, which is HORRIBLE!
November 16, 2016
My parents had this book for my sister and I growing up and while I think that the overall message (family is family not because of blood but because of love) is a good one, I am a Korean adoptee and the only illustration of an Asian child is one sitting on a pile of garbage (or possibly a mound of dirt with nothing around it) wearing a combat helmet. Being too young to quite understand the message but being able to understand the picture, I thought that Korea was a literally a garbage dump or a completely uninhabitable environment until I was in second or third grade and was able to articulate my questions about where I came from. It also made the child look a bit like a piece of discarded trash sitting there unwanted, which wasn't great either.
If you are adopting or giving this as a gift to someone adopting a child from anywhere in Asia I would highly recommend a different book. Or at least go to your library and see this for yourself before purchasing.
If you are adopting or giving this as a gift to someone adopting a child from anywhere in Asia I would highly recommend a different book. Or at least go to your library and see this for yourself before purchasing.
May 1, 2013
My parents told me I was adopted when I was very young, and I grew up with that knowledge. This book, however, told me what it meant in a way that I could understand and appreciate as a young kid. I kept this book, and I still have it today. If I ever adopt, I will pass it down to my children.
January 20, 2020
I was a little worried that this book would be so outdated (it's published in 1978!) that it would have old adoption terminology and controversial stuff in it. I was actually pleasantly surprised. It starts with the basics of how who we are and how we end up in families, it touches a little on race and adoption from other countries, it even has a Q&A section with questions by young adoptees like "Can my birthparents take me back?" and "Do my parents love my brothers and sisters who were born to them more than they love me?" A lot of it is in a silly but understandable way so young kids can definitely get into it.
I read some reviews and several adoptees said they loved the book. One comment was on the child in it being white, but the fact that the author addresses this (I'm guessing back then there was less international adoption anyways) was enough that it didn't bother me.
I read this to my bio kids and then asked them if they thought R would like it when he gets a little older and they said yes.
I read some reviews and several adoptees said they loved the book. One comment was on the child in it being white, but the fact that the author addresses this (I'm guessing back then there was less international adoption anyways) was enough that it didn't bother me.
I read this to my bio kids and then asked them if they thought R would like it when he gets a little older and they said yes.
April 20, 2022
I don't typically start my reviews with a book's negative aspects, but in this case I will:
Owing to this book's age (I read a 1990 edition, but it was originally published in 1978), there are some adoption-relevant topics that aren't included -- such as adoption out of foster care, LGBT+ adoptive parents, or children's relationships with birth relatives other than birth parents. International adoption is only covered in the context of famine and war, obviously due to big news stories of the time (such as Operation Babylift). The only illustration of an Asian child, as far as I saw, is shown in this context: a (probably Vietnamese) baby sitting on a pile of dirt and war detritus, with an oversized soldier's helmet haphazardly on their head.
Also, while the concept of "looking different from one's adopted family" does come up, the book mostly ignores people who aren't white. Every single person depicted in the illustrations is white -- except for the aforementioned Vietnamese baby, plus one Black teenager early in the book, who is shown in the background of a group of people. This illustration accompanies an explanation of how all people have some things in common ("two eyes, two ears, two legs, and a mouth"), but there are also differences such as eye/hair/skin color, height, body shape, and age. In other words: he's the token black kid, and even on that page there's nobody else who isn't white. Unfortunately the illustrations overall are done in a caricature style, and so the drawing of this black teen, done as a caricature and set against the general lack of BIPOC representation, comes across as shockingly racist in a book whose text otherwise feels fairly enlightened for its time.
One thing that made me particularly sad is a drawing of a child, packed suitcase in hand, who is leaving what is presumably his adoptive home. There's a teddy bear bouncing off his head that was obviously thrown after him. This accompanies a Q&A about whether adoptive parents can send a child back if they don't like him (the answer is "No way! Adoption is forever" and that the child can't change their mind, either). Considering many foster children's repeat trauma of being sent away from previous homes with just a suitcase or trash bag, this picture is extremely triggering and not appropriate at all.
While the tone of this book gets overly flippant at times, I do appreciate the author's effort to explain adoption in plain, straightforward terms. There are so many books on this topic that are overly saccharine, telling children they were "chosen" and are "special," etc. Every kid is special, and most adoptive parents don't actually choose one particular child (certainly not those who adopt infants, or who didn't go looking for a child to adopt in the first place, such as with intrafamilial adoptions). I don't think it does adopted kids any favors to make them feel like they're somehow better than other kids "because your parents chose you."
What this book does well is to spell out things the way they are, child-appropriate but without too much sugarcoating or cutesy language. Things like... You're not alone: many people were adopted as children -- some of them famous, many others not. Not all adoptions follow the same script. Some kids are adopted by family members; a single person can adopt a child; some people adopt just one child, some more than one; some kids are really little when they are adopted, others are older. Most adoptive parents don't choose a particular child to adopt. So, yes: chances are, your parents very much wanted a child, but they probably didn't get to pick you specifically. But of course they love you and are happy to have found you. Openness and honesty matters. It's ok to want to know more about your birth parents. It's good to talk about the questions you have.
So all in all, I wouldn't recommend this book because it's outdated and only represents a segment of the spectrum that makes up adoptive families, and a portion of their experiences; and there are some rather thoughtless things in here, plus I personally find the illustrations ugly. But it does have some good aspects, and in the right hands it could at least be used as a discussion starter.
Owing to this book's age (I read a 1990 edition, but it was originally published in 1978), there are some adoption-relevant topics that aren't included -- such as adoption out of foster care, LGBT+ adoptive parents, or children's relationships with birth relatives other than birth parents. International adoption is only covered in the context of famine and war, obviously due to big news stories of the time (such as Operation Babylift). The only illustration of an Asian child, as far as I saw, is shown in this context: a (probably Vietnamese) baby sitting on a pile of dirt and war detritus, with an oversized soldier's helmet haphazardly on their head.
Also, while the concept of "looking different from one's adopted family" does come up, the book mostly ignores people who aren't white. Every single person depicted in the illustrations is white -- except for the aforementioned Vietnamese baby, plus one Black teenager early in the book, who is shown in the background of a group of people. This illustration accompanies an explanation of how all people have some things in common ("two eyes, two ears, two legs, and a mouth"), but there are also differences such as eye/hair/skin color, height, body shape, and age. In other words: he's the token black kid, and even on that page there's nobody else who isn't white. Unfortunately the illustrations overall are done in a caricature style, and so the drawing of this black teen, done as a caricature and set against the general lack of BIPOC representation, comes across as shockingly racist in a book whose text otherwise feels fairly enlightened for its time.
One thing that made me particularly sad is a drawing of a child, packed suitcase in hand, who is leaving what is presumably his adoptive home. There's a teddy bear bouncing off his head that was obviously thrown after him. This accompanies a Q&A about whether adoptive parents can send a child back if they don't like him (the answer is "No way! Adoption is forever" and that the child can't change their mind, either). Considering many foster children's repeat trauma of being sent away from previous homes with just a suitcase or trash bag, this picture is extremely triggering and not appropriate at all.
While the tone of this book gets overly flippant at times, I do appreciate the author's effort to explain adoption in plain, straightforward terms. There are so many books on this topic that are overly saccharine, telling children they were "chosen" and are "special," etc. Every kid is special, and most adoptive parents don't actually choose one particular child (certainly not those who adopt infants, or who didn't go looking for a child to adopt in the first place, such as with intrafamilial adoptions). I don't think it does adopted kids any favors to make them feel like they're somehow better than other kids "because your parents chose you."
What this book does well is to spell out things the way they are, child-appropriate but without too much sugarcoating or cutesy language. Things like... You're not alone: many people were adopted as children -- some of them famous, many others not. Not all adoptions follow the same script. Some kids are adopted by family members; a single person can adopt a child; some people adopt just one child, some more than one; some kids are really little when they are adopted, others are older. Most adoptive parents don't choose a particular child to adopt. So, yes: chances are, your parents very much wanted a child, but they probably didn't get to pick you specifically. But of course they love you and are happy to have found you. Openness and honesty matters. It's ok to want to know more about your birth parents. It's good to talk about the questions you have.
So all in all, I wouldn't recommend this book because it's outdated and only represents a segment of the spectrum that makes up adoptive families, and a portion of their experiences; and there are some rather thoughtless things in here, plus I personally find the illustrations ugly. But it does have some good aspects, and in the right hands it could at least be used as a discussion starter.
May 27, 2019
My children loved me reading it to them.
July 3, 2021
As a child, adoption was tough. This was the one book that I could always go to, to help me feel normal. I still have mine. I recommend this for any adopted child.
April 16, 2023
Mahahalaga at napakaradikal ng kasimplehan ng mga sagot sa librong ito.
Inampon ka dahil ginusto ka maging parte ng pamilya.
Mabuhay ang mga unconventional families ❤️
Inampon ka dahil ginusto ka maging parte ng pamilya.
Mabuhay ang mga unconventional families ❤️
January 24, 2009
Is not really a "story" more a fact book with quirky illustrations and is for older children probably ages 7-11 or so. The text is interesting and understandable. This is a quote from the book I like about birth parents "That mother and father gave you a very special gift. It's so special that no one else can ever give it to you and so special that even they can give it to you only once. They gave you the gift of life."
Some wording is a little questionable to me especially about being "lucky." Those discussing adoptin need to be very careful in using that word. The book did a decent job in at least saying both the parents and the child who was adopted were lucky. I think this is the only book that I've seen that says adoption is "doesn't mean you're better than anybody." Again not sure I like the wording, but discusses how normal and the same the life of adoptive child will be like others who are not adopted.
Some wording is a little questionable to me especially about being "lucky." Those discussing adoptin need to be very careful in using that word. The book did a decent job in at least saying both the parents and the child who was adopted were lucky. I think this is the only book that I've seen that says adoption is "doesn't mean you're better than anybody." Again not sure I like the wording, but discusses how normal and the same the life of adoptive child will be like others who are not adopted.
July 7, 2009
Great book that explains adoption to young children in a positive way. It covers various family arrangements of adoption with a mother and a father (it does not address homosexual adoption of children or single parent adoption). It also discusses children who may have been born physically by the mother in the family who might be part of the family and how adopted children came to the family a different way, but are just as special. It also discusses issues and feelings that may come up in the family regarding adoption. I don't know why the photo doesn't show it, but the cover is paperback and in color. There are vivid color illustrations throughout the book. It's a must have for adoptive parents who plan on educating their child about adoption. We had it in our home growing up and I recently gave a copy to some friends of ours.
October 12, 2016
We've discussed adoption many times at our house and will continue to do so as the subject comes up and as milestones are reached. I picked this book up at the library and thought it would be nice to share. I did not realize how many questions my son had weighing on his mind. I had thought he'd just ask. Then I realized that he was asking, but at odd times and totally unrelated to things going on at the moment. The book brought up the opportunity to ask these questions in a setting where he could get my full attention and ask as many questions as he wanted to. I guess we'll have to repeat this with other books as he grows older. As a parent, I have to remember that I have to sometimes bring the topic of conversation to him. The books we share give us set aside time for us to discuss this and many other things.
October 18, 2016
This books covers a wide variety of different family setting that can go along wth the topic of adoption. This book makes expelling a difficult topic a little easier with pictures and illustrations. This book explains that you were born into a family that may not be blood related, but it is a family all the same. This book is related to my text set topic because I chose to focus on different types of families, and adopted families fall under that category. After evaluating the checklist this book showcases a wide variety of families and allows children to learn, think, and process the topic of adoption.
January 20, 2015
I've always loved this series of books from when I was a child and I first read "Where Did I Come From?" This one I didn't find until a few years ago and I just came across it. The story is surprisingly well written in terms of the issues kids face considering how long ago it was published during a very different era. But these books were a product of the hippie era and thus are more open and freely expressive than many of the books at the time. I think they're really funny, too.
December 3, 2007
This is the first book I remember reading. My parents gave it to me to help better understand adoption and I would sneak away with it and read it in the closet. Im not sure why I did that. But I remember feeling extremely special and loved when I was done.
February 5, 2008
This is the book my parents used to tell me that I was adopted. It is a beautiful book that makes adoption make sense-- even to a 5 year old.
March 18, 2008
One of the first books I got after learning I was adoped. Hughly recommended for adoptive families.
April 18, 2013
one of my favourite books when i was younger
Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews