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Cliffs Notes on New Testament
The original CliffsNotes study guides offer expert commentary on major themes, plots, characters, literary devices, and historical background. In CliffsNotes on The New Testament , you follow along what's often called "The Greatest Story Ever Told" as it recounts the teachings of the prophet Jesus of Nazareth, who lived 2,000 years ago. It is a rich source of poetry and knowledge and is the rock upon which Christianity stands. This study guide carries you along on Jesus' incredible journey by providing summaries and commentaries on The New Testament of the Bible. Other features that help you study include
101 pages, Paperback
First published November 22, 1965
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August 22, 2025here’s a story that I want to read to you.
This story, I’ve never seen it in a Jesus movie. This story is not in any movies about Jesus. And it’s not — I never Until I sat and read this, I never heard this story… ’cause it’s weird. This is the story of Jesus cursing a fig tree. Does anybody by applause know of this story?
Okay. That’s just enough to make it clear this is true. I mean, it’s not — Nothing’s true in here. But… I’m just kidding. I’m just kidding. I don’t fucking know. What do I know? I wasn’t there. I’m just trying to make it clear that I didn’t make it up.
They did. But, anyway, all right, I don’t know. Okay, here’s the story. This is Mark Chapter 11. It’s when Mark went broke.
Okay. “And Jesus entered into Jerusalem. And when he had looked around about and seen all things and the eventide was come, he went out unto Bethany with the 12.” Bethany was like a — like a suburb of Jerusalem. So he went in Jerusalem. You know, you see all the shit downtown, but you don’t stay downtown. You go to the Marriott by the airport, you know? That’s what Bethany was. Okay? “And on the morrow when they’d come from Bethany, Jesus was hungry, and seeing a fig tree afar off having leaves, he came to it, if haply he might find anything thereon. But when he came to the tree, he found nothing but leaves, for the time of figs was not yet.
And Jesus answered and saith unto the tree, ‘No man shall eat fruit of thee hereafter and forever.’
And the disciples heard it. And in the morning when they passed by, they saw the fig tree dried up from the roots and dead. And Peter, calling to remembrance, saith unto him, ‘Master, behold the fig tree which thou dost cursedst has withered away and died.’ And Jesus answered and saith unto them, ‘Have faith in God.'”
What the fuck kind of a Jesus story is that?
Hey, Jesus. You killed the tree.” “That’s right, motherfucker.”
What’s the fucking point to this story? What is the moral? Jesus just killed a tree. He was hungry. He was fucking cranky. He was like, “There’s no figs? Fuck you, tree. You’re fucking dead, you piece of shit. I wanted a fig. You’re fucking dead. Watch this.”
And the tree’s like, “But the time of figs is not yet. I just — It’s just not yet. I need another week. You want fruit out of season, go to Whole Foods, you fucking Jew. I didn’t do anything.”
You can’t act like that, man. You can’t act like that. You walk around acting like that, folks will nail you to a cross. That’s what they’ll do. They will. You got to fucking cool it, Jesus.
Louis C.K.
Back To The Garden
This story, I’ve never seen it in a Jesus movie. This story is not in any movies about Jesus. And it’s not — I never Until I sat and read this, I never heard this story… ’cause it’s weird. This is the story of Jesus cursing a fig tree. Does anybody by applause know of this story?
Okay. That’s just enough to make it clear this is true. I mean, it’s not — Nothing’s true in here. But… I’m just kidding. I’m just kidding. I don’t fucking know. What do I know? I wasn’t there. I’m just trying to make it clear that I didn’t make it up.
They did. But, anyway, all right, I don’t know. Okay, here’s the story. This is Mark Chapter 11. It’s when Mark went broke.
Okay. “And Jesus entered into Jerusalem. And when he had looked around about and seen all things and the eventide was come, he went out unto Bethany with the 12.” Bethany was like a — like a suburb of Jerusalem. So he went in Jerusalem. You know, you see all the shit downtown, but you don’t stay downtown. You go to the Marriott by the airport, you know? That’s what Bethany was. Okay? “And on the morrow when they’d come from Bethany, Jesus was hungry, and seeing a fig tree afar off having leaves, he came to it, if haply he might find anything thereon. But when he came to the tree, he found nothing but leaves, for the time of figs was not yet.
And Jesus answered and saith unto the tree, ‘No man shall eat fruit of thee hereafter and forever.’
And the disciples heard it. And in the morning when they passed by, they saw the fig tree dried up from the roots and dead. And Peter, calling to remembrance, saith unto him, ‘Master, behold the fig tree which thou dost cursedst has withered away and died.’ And Jesus answered and saith unto them, ‘Have faith in God.'”
What the fuck kind of a Jesus story is that?
Hey, Jesus. You killed the tree.” “That’s right, motherfucker.”
What’s the fucking point to this story? What is the moral? Jesus just killed a tree. He was hungry. He was fucking cranky. He was like, “There’s no figs? Fuck you, tree. You’re fucking dead, you piece of shit. I wanted a fig. You’re fucking dead. Watch this.”
And the tree’s like, “But the time of figs is not yet. I just — It’s just not yet. I need another week. You want fruit out of season, go to Whole Foods, you fucking Jew. I didn’t do anything.”
You can’t act like that, man. You can’t act like that. You walk around acting like that, folks will nail you to a cross. That’s what they’ll do. They will. You got to fucking cool it, Jesus.
Louis C.K.
Back To The Garden
December 17, 2019
Purchased as reference material
Displaying 1 - 2 of 2 reviews